Chapter Text
Rain pattered on the roof and windshield of the car as Caitlyn sat silently staring out the window. With the downpour that had cut loose when they pulled into the lot, Evelynn had told her to stay put so she wouldn’t have to struggle getting inside while fighting against the rain.
“No need to get soaked, my love. I’ll grab our usual.” Evelynn was bursting at the seams with adoration as she patted Caitlyn’s thigh while making the offer. Her golden colored eyes glistened with pure love and affection, shining like stars in the night sky. It caused a warmth to bloom in Caitlyn’s heart.
Even now as she sat alone in the car, she couldn’t help but feel the corner of her lips curve at how brightly the other woman had beamed prior to venturing into the cold January rain . Her wife’s smile had always been infectious, able to brighten the darkest of days Caitlyn had suffered through. Yet, today it seemed exceptionally brighter as they enjoyed their final days as a duo.
They’d gone out for a lovely Saturday morning brunch downtown. Before returning home, Caitlyn had convinced Evelynn to stop at Elio’s to grab a dozen cannoli. It had been Caitlyn’s go to treat as of late, a craving that the unborn child of the Kiramman woman often wished to enjoy.
Her eyes remained fixed on a puddle of water that was splashing every which way as the rain fell harder from the sky. Images of a tiny face sleeping peacefully in her arms enchanted her vision. She was so lost in thought that she nearly missed the moment her wife came back to their car.
“You know you could have warned me about lake effect rain when I agreed to move here. All you said I needed to worry about was snow. I know they say Clevelanders are tough but damn. This is ridiculous.” Evelynn playfully joked as she returned inside the car.
Turning to the back seat, Evelynn gently placed the box of treasured baked goods where they were sure to have the safest ride possible. When it clicked that Caitlyn hadn’t responded to the jest, worried eyes flicked to her pregnant wife. Caitlyn sat silently staring out the window, a protective hand splayed on her belly. Evelynn tried to hide her frown, but concern that Caitlyn was feeling labor pains began to settle in.
“Cait, love, are you okay?”
It wasn’t until a soft hand rested on her forearm that Cait realized Evelynn had been speaking to her.
“Oh, yes, darling. I’m sorry. My mind was miles away.”
“Where’d you go, love? Talk to me?” Evelynn’s gentle voice drew the expectant mother’s focus back to the present and away from the future. The worry was ever present on Caitlyn’s wife’s face, obviously concerned that she had found Caitlyn so far away in thought.
Shaking her head, Caitlyn quietly replied with a smile, “I’m just thinking about how in another few weeks there’ll be a third in our family.”
The tension in the car instantly eased, the vibrant smile once again returning to the woman’s lips as her concern faded away. Caitlyn’s head reverently dipped to look at her hand, which Evelynn delicately covered with her own. When Caitlyn’s gaze lifted, the other woman offered a kiss that was filled with nothing but devotion and love. When she pulled away, Evenlynn whispered, “God I can’t wait to meet her.”
—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•
When the alarm beside her bed started blasting its shrill scream, Caitlyn’s body lunged forward, her breathing erratic as sweat dripped down her back. Her heart hammered in her chest, pumping blood so fast that she could feel it moving through her veins.
“Another dream,” she mumbled as the wake the hell up siren still bellowed and echoed in her room.
She lifted her hand to her head, rubbing her palm down the front of her face trying to wipe away sweat and sleep. Unsure if the sweat was from her dream or the fact the morning sun was already blazing through her window to heat her room, she let a rasped groan gurgle out of her throat.
Right on schedule, the morning knock slammed into the bedroom door. “Cait! It’s seven o’clock! If your alarm isn’t turned off in five seconds I’m coming in whether you’re dressed or not!”
The voice originated from Powder, the ever present personal guardian she’d desperately needed to survive over the past year. Since moving back to South Carolina, every morning the woman had ensured Caitlyn was awake. If she didn’t answer in a timely manner, Powder all but busted down the door.
Truthfully, it wasn’t so much to ensure Caitlyn rose on time, it was that she was still alive.
Smashing her hand down onto the alarm clock, Caitlyn mustered the will to call back. “I’m alive, but if you’re still planning to burst in here, will you at least bring me a coffee?”
Though she couldn’t see her, she could feel the tension ease from Powder’s shoulders as she realized Caitlyn had indeed awakened to greet another day.
“If you can get ready in thirty, I’ll take you to The Human Bean before we grab all the shit we need for tonight.”
Caitlyn hummed. “That’s far better than any sludge you’d try to make.”
“Hey! You never took issue with it when it was the only thing keeping you going for finals week!” Powder’s offended tone was apparent even without having to see the look on her face.
“Yea and after I finished my organic chem final we tried to analyze what the contents of the sludge were and still couldn’t determine the compounds. Dr. Marion was convinced for a while it was alien.”
Caitlyn heard Powder huff in annoyance at the words.
“Whatever, dude. You still gulped that shit down like it was the only thing keeping you alive.”
She made her way to the shower so she could allow scalding hot water to cascade down on her in an attempt to wash away the nightmare that had once again haunted her restless sleep. It seemed to be a frequent occurrence as of late. Her mind, while in a state of hibernation, always recalled the images of a past life, long gone having been violently ripped from her grasp.
No matter what she tried to do, every night she was tormented by the images of what happened and what could have been. Despite the best efforts put forth by the steaming shower, nothing would ever completely erase those memories and nightmares that tortured Caitlyn’s every waking and sleeping second.
After the accident, the change in Caitlyn had been quick and drastic as her chiselled, put together appearance disappeared in a flash. Long gone were the days of dressing up even when the plan was just to run errands. A year ago Caitlyn would have dressed in casual slacks and a nicer shirt of some sort. People always said she looked like she was ready to broker some sort of land acquisition no matter what she was doing.
Exiting her room, Powder took in the sight of the woman who now filled the shell of her best friend. She wore an oversized Coastal Carolina Chants teal hoodie and black leggings with a pair of black and white Jordans on her feet. The change in presentation was still, every time she saw it, a shock to the system. It was also something of great concern for her.
“You know, you dress more like a college student now than you did back when we were actually in college.”
Grabbing her lighter and the pack of menthol cigarettes she’d left on the dining room table the night before, Caitlyn replied with a nonchalant shrug. “I realized there’s no reason to dress up.”
“Caity.” Powder spoke softly, trying not to antagonize her friend into an argument about the subject. Even though Caitlyn’s words had said one thing, Powder knew there was more left unsaid in the sentiment.
When everything is taken from you, what’s the point of putting forth the effort to live?
“Not today,” Caitlyn silenced her with the pointed response. She flashed those azure eyes that Powder saw were getting dangerously close to misting. Though the sadness they displayed may have broken Powder’s heart, it was the utter despair and anguish in her voice when she said, “Please. Pow. I can’t right now,” that shattered it.
Powder’s head bobbed up and down, nodding to acknowledge her retreat from the subject. As she stepped out the door, she added, “Look, if any of this gets to be too much for you…”
She never got to finish because as soon as Caitlyn’s cigarette was lit, she lifted her hand to stop the sentence. “If you suggest that I step away I’ll slap you. You’re my best friend and I’m not missing any of this. I’m a big girl. I’ll survive.”
A dry chuckle escaped Powder’s lips, but quickly soured as she watched Caitlyn open the passenger side door. “Oh no no no. You know the rule. No smoking in Darth Rav Four. You may want to slowly kill yourself, but I don’t. Plus the fucking stale ass cigarette smoke smell takes forever to get out of my upholstery.”
All Caitlyn could do was roll her eyes and close the door. Out of annoyance, she decided to take longer than usual to finish the cigarette, sucking in every drag as slowly as she possibly could.
Though Powder may have never smoked a cigarette ever in her life, she huffed knowing exactly what was going on. Still, she was held captive by the puffing freight train of a best friend.
“I hate when you do this.”
A mischievous grin curled Caitlyn’s lips upward, “No you don’t. You love spending time with me.”
“Not when that time is where I watch you doom yourself to lung cancer.” Caitlyn just shrugged off the attack, her will to care about such detrimental health effects long gone.
They stood silently leaning up against the car for a few more moments before Powder announced, “By the way, my dumbass sister will be here tonight.”
The news was shocking. In all the years Caitlyn had been friends with Powder, she’d only ever truly been around Felicia, Powder’s mother. Caitlyn knew there was another Lanes sibling, but she was rarely brought up in conversation.
She also knew the sisters weren’t close as Powder had always felt like Vi joined the military to escape the reality that was their father dying from cancer. When Vander passed, Caitlyn remembered seeing Vi at his funeral decked out in her dress greens. She had looked dashing and handsome, but Caitlyn never took the time to speak to her, opting to remain diligently by Powder’s side.
Plus she still had Evelynn.
Vi had shown up, buried her father, and left to return to wherever she was stationed. Powder had been angry, claiming her sister never truly cared about their family and had used the Army as a way to escape them. The harsh criticism of the woman only worsened when Powder learned shortly after that Vi had met a woman on base and was engaged.
And Vi had never even mentioned it.
“Which Army base is she stationed at?” Caitlyn flicked the butt of her cigarette on the ground before smashing it with her shoe. When her head looked up, she saw the judgemental glare Powder was giving her. It forced her to lean down and pick the trash up so she could throw it away.
That seemed to alleviate the ire Powder felt regarding the near littering situation.
“Well,” just the way she said the word let Caitlyn know the prodigal sister was still very much a sore subject. “When the dumbass joined up she enlisted in the cavalry so she was based out of Fort Hood in Texas. She actually deployed to Europe for her first go at it. Then when she got home and even seeing how worried her family was didn’t stop her, she decided to go to Army Ranger school at Fort Benning. She was deployed again but I don’t know where the fuck it was nor do I care.”
It was the most information Caitlyn had ever gotten about the mystery sister. She wanted to ask more, but could tell, much like herself earlier, Powder wanted the subject to be dropped. So, she veered away from it.
“So, am I at least getting my Human Bean or must I suffer through this shopping spree without caffeine?”
The scoff echoed off the doors of the vehicle. “God you are such a needy bitch.”
—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•
They laid together quietly taking in the sounds of the summer cicadas singing their songs outside the bedroom window. It had been a long day of tactical training for Vi, her muscles sore from loading and unloading heavy equipment out on the artillery range.
Thankfully Sarah’s nimble fingers were kneading away knots in her neck that Vi had thought would never get worked out. She’d never ask for this kind of treatment, but there was something in the way Sarah just knew what Vi needed that made her fall even more in love with her.
She moaned into her pillow as the woman straddling her bare back found the worst muscle with her thumb and began to press hard circles into it. Pain coursed through the area, but the pleasure of feeling the tension dissipate made the suffering worth it.
Sarah leaned over, grazing her lips slightly against Vi’s ears. It was just enough contact to cause a rippling shiver to streak down her spine. The other woman’s hot breath tickled the hairs on the side of Vi’s neck as Sarah began peppering featherlight kisses on the gear tattoo that decorated the skin.
“You keep making that pretty noise and I’m going to have to flip you over for some fun.” Her voice seductively husked the words while she continued to freckle Vi’s skin with affection. All of the attention Vi had been giving the muscles relaxing in her shoulders was starting to transition to the growing heat between her legs.
As the tension began to compress into a knot in her belly, Vi mumbled something inaudible into the pillow, drawing a laugh from Sarah.
“Babe, you’re going to need to use that mouth of yours properly if you’re going to get what you want.”
Vi turned her head to catch Sarah’s lips on her own before using her arms to lift the woman up so Vi could flip onto her back. Sarah now sat above her, fully naked, legs straddled across her abs, and breasts in perfect view.
“I said if your hands are that good on my back I can only imagine them on my front.”
The devil himself projected through the fiery redhead by way of an evil smirk. Once again she leaned down, this time engulfing Vi with a hungry kiss that begged for more. As she pulled away she caught Vi’s bottom lip between her teeth, playfully pulling at it until it popped free.
Slowly her right hand snaked down Vi’s chest, continuing on over her stomach and settling below the waistband of her boxers. Vi’s breath caught in her throat, the anticipation of Sarah’s next move proving to be too much and not enough all at the same time.
Pushing hard into another hard kiss, Sarah seductively whispered into the mouth of the woman underneath her, “You know what my hands are capable of.”
Vi let out a whimper before pleading, “I think you’re gonna have to show me again.”
“Your wish is my command, Sergeant.”
Before Vi could respond to the quip, she felt two fingers push inside her and everything around her faded to black.
—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•
It had been nearly a year and a half since she’d seen anyone in her family other than her mother. The last time she’d laid eyes on them had been at her father’s funeral, a day where she’d ventured back to South Carolina long enough to carry the man’s casket out of the funeral home and to the cemetery plot.
After she watched them lower his casket into the ground, she didn’t even wait for the first shovel of dirt to be tossed before she drove away.
The day she graduated high school she drove to the Army recruiter and signed her life away to the US government. After spending basic up the road at Fort Jackson, she was transferred to Fort Hood where she trained to join the cavalry division. When she’d told her father they’d placed the 7th Calvary emblem on her uniform, he sounded more proud of her than he ever had before .
Her mother, on the other hand, sounded worried, afraid her daughter would be pushed to the front line of battle and certain death. Felicia was always the realist, never buying into the fantasy that signing up for the Army would make Vi a war hero. Deep down she knew it would take her daughter apart and never put her back together again.
As for her sister, well, Powder told her to fuck right off straight to hell. She was angry that Vi left the day she was freed. The younger sibling never understood why Vi sought refuge hundreds of miles away in a situation that could get her killed. So, she opted to shut Vi out and live her life as though her older sister was just a ghost from her past.
After a tour of duty in Europe during Operation Atlantic Resolve, Vi returned home to the states and applied for Ranger school. Once accepted, she moved to Forth Benning where she met her . Sarah Fortune. She was tall and mysterious, sporting red hair, thick thighs, and a face card that made both the men and women on base take a second look.
Women wanted to be her and everyone with half a brain wanted to be with her and somehow, Vi ended up being the lucky one to snag her.
The New Orleans native wooed Vi with her Creole accent, quick wit, and delightful bayou charm. She flaunted her body as well as her mind, enchanting Vi with a spell that made the woman fall madly and deeply in love. The romance started out as a chaotic whirlwind that swept them both up like debris in a tornado.
After a few months they got special permission to move in together, even though they’d already been spending every night in each other’s beds. A year later they were engaged, so fully devoted to one another that the future seemed bright no matter where in the world they end up.
Then came Vi’s second deployment, a stint in Afghanistan meant to aid in the eventual withdrawal of US troops. Things got messy on a reconnaissance mission and Vi ended up in a firefight that took the lives of two of her fellow soldiers and wounded her in the process.
When she finally returned home she was never the same, survivor’s guilt eating away at her very soul while nightmares ruined what little sleep she got. Everything started to compound into serious issues that Sarah couldn’t handle and Vi didn’t want to deal with.
Then her dad died a few weeks later to finish off the worst year of her life.
When Vi returned from his funeral, things progressively continued to get worse in their relationship. Sarah found herself unable to handle the fact that Vi was no longer the crazy, fun-loving woman she’d first been attracted to. She wasn’t cold, but she wasn’t as outgoing and warm as she had been. Vi had become more reserved, hiding away her true thoughts and feelings from the rest of the world, not wanting anyone else to suffer the hellish battles she fought internally every day.
The events she’d witnessed while deployed stayed locked away in her heart, never being shared. Whenever her fiance would try to bring them up, Vi would simply shrug her off and say “It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter now.” Yet it did, to both of them, but neither was able to communicate that.
What finally sealed their fate was the night Vi returned home after a long day to find Sarah in their bed, riding one of the newer members of the unit. Vi didn’t explode, didn’t yell, or really react at all. She just simply turned around and walked out of the house.
Sarah pleaded and begged, feigning it was a temporary lapse in judgement, but Vi could tell. The other woman had fallen out of love with her.
“It’s okay. You deserve to find someone who can make you whole. I can’t do that anymore. Go be happy, Fortune.”
When her enlistment ran out a month later, Vi decided to go part time so she could return to the Grand Strand. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she knew she needed to get out of Georgia.
“Vi! Are you up?” Her mother’s shout cut through her liquor induced sleep. Unhooding her eyelids that felt as though they weighed a hundred pounds, she rolled on to her back and stretched out her legs. The sounds she made sounded more like their family cat General George Catster than Vi.
“Violet! Get your ass out of bed! We have to start baking for your sister’s party tonight!” Once more her mother’s voice echoed in her head causing Vi to wince and hiss all at the same time.
“Mom! I’m coming! Just let me put some damn pants on!”
She’d been living back at her parent’s house, or rather her mom’s house, for roughly two months. Word hadn’t spread yet that she was home, which she was thankful that her mother had agreed to keep her secret. Vi wasn’t ready to face pity, anger, or questions. She just wanted a few months where she could get up, go to work, and come home to slowly rot away until she died.
“Well hurry up because we have a shit ton of cookies to make!”
“Wonderful,” she mumbled to herself, annoyed she was even having to participate in the event. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her sister. In fact everything she’d done since the day she’d graduated had been for her. Vi just knew Powder didn’t particularly like her so what was the point in putting forth effort any more.
“You know, Caitlyn is more of a sister to me than you are. At least she seems to give a shit about my feelings unlike you.” Those were the last words Vi had heard her sister say.
It started as a dispute after their father’s funeral. Powder was angry that Vi couldn’t stay in town longer, wanting to spend some time together as a family to try and cope with the loss of the man who had been the center of their familial world. What the younger sister didn’t realize, though, was the Army had only given her so much time off for the service.
On top of that, she had to return for government ordered psychiatric sessions.
But those were things she couldn’t tell Powder because her sister couldn’t know that the strong, hard-headed girl she’d grown up with was gone, broken by circumstance and a red headed woman who shattered her heart into a million pieces.
Tying the drawstring on her sweat pants as she padded downstairs, her bare feet did their best to avoid the purring machine that was General Catster. “General, I’m going to need you to not knock me the fuck over at seven in the morning.”
Felicia, already mixing some sort of cookie dough in a bowl, chuckled as she heard her eldest daughter scold the feline. “He just wants attention. Once his feeder goes off, he’ll haul ass to the laundry room.”
“Well, his fat ass is about to cause me to bust mine.” She thrust her hand under the facet, hot water running over skin so calloused that Vi could barely feel it.
She and her mother moved silently after that, both understanding their respective assignments. It was something Vi had learned in the military, take orders whether they were given to you verbally or physically and make sure the task gets done.
As she balled dough to place on greased sheets, her mind drifted to the sister whom she’d be seeing for the first time since they’d said good-bye to their dad. A tinge of annoyance hit her heart when she realized not once during her entire time in the military had Powder written a letter. It was as if she said good-bye the day Vi left for basic and just didn’t give a shit whether the woman lived or died.
“You’re brooding,” her mother quipped, eyes not leaving the mixing bowl.
Vi let out a noise that sounded like a hurumph . “Just thinking about how I got up early and took off the busiest night of the week to attend a party for a sister that doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“Now, you know that’s not true.”
“Mom, I got shot, almost bled to death, and she didn’t so much as send a fuck you.”
Felicia’s hand stilled, a quiver moving her muscles ever so slightly. When she looked up from the bowl, she could see the pain in her daughter’s eyes. “I never told her.”
Vi’s head snapped up, “What?”
“There was a lot going on in her life at the time. She was graduating and I didn’t want to stress her out. Plus Cait was getting married and Pow was the maid of honor.”
The anger boiled deep in her chest, somewhere below her heart but above her stomach. “God damn even my own mother seems to act like this Caitlyn chick is more Powder’s sister than me.”
“Violet!” The name shot angrily from her mother’s lips. “You don’t know what that young woman has been through.”
She wasn’t sure whether her mom meant Powder or Caitlyn, but it didn’t matter. “Nor do I care. We’ve all got shit, mom, but you and I both know what Powder shouted at me in front of God and everybody at dad’s viewing.”
Finally, Vi’s hands stilled as she pressed them on to the counter. “Look, let’s all play nice long enough to get through this shindig, get Pow down the aisle, and then I’m gone.”
Felicia placed the spatula she was holding down before reaching out to caress her daughter’s arm. “Vi, come on. We’re family.”
A dry chuckle left Vi’s throat, “Yea, but it’d sure be nice to feel like that mattered.”