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“It’s yer fault, y’know,” Yoshiki sneers at the blubbering mess under him that is ‘Hikaru’, “you got yourself in this mess. How do ya plan to get yourself out of it?”
“I didn’t mean to,” ‘Hikaru’ whimpers from where he’s pinned, “didn’t mean to make ya mad. Can’t you just forgive me? I swear I won’t do it again!”
“Why would I do that? Why should I?” Yoshiki asks mockingly, not that any answer would suffice in place of an apology. Of course Yoshiki knows he’s not being fair, he’s not even being sane, but it’s clear that ‘Hikaru’ doesn’t understand one fundamental piece of whatever relationship exists between them.
That he belongs to Yoshiki, completely, truly, and utterly.
So, Yoshiki just needs to remind him of that fact, even if he loses himself a bit in the process.
It all starts with a hot sun beating down on Yoshiki and ‘Hikaru’ as they walk their bikes back home. It’s far too hot to ride them, even if the motion might provide a nice breeze, so toughing it out by walking is the better option. They walk side by side, ‘Hikaru’ bumping his shoulder against Yoshiki’s as he sways with each step.
Whether the contact is intentional or not would be up to the jury, if the jury had not already sentenced him to damnation the moment Hikaru had come back down from the mountain as ‘Hikaru’. In Yoshiki’s defense, he had tried to plead insanity, but he had been found guilty anyhow. Said guilt ripples through him with each unintentionally intentional bumping of shoulders, but Yoshiki lets the contact happen anyway.
“-so she asked if I could help with her singing,” some of ‘Hikaru’s’ words finally break through the barrier of thought Yoshiki unknowingly had up, something he finds himself doing quite a bit around ‘Hikaru’ who tends to talk a lot, “‘n I figured why not?”
It takes all of Yoshiki’s mental will to keep walking as normal as he takes in this information, yet he finds himself desperate to know more, “So ya said yes?”
“Well I was thinkin’ about it,” ‘Hikaru’ looks off into the distance, “but then she said I should come to her house after school. Honestly, I didn’t really know what to say to that,” ‘Hikaru’ rubs the back of his neck as he blushes slightly, “I really like singin’, but I dunno if I like her.”
I dunno if I like her.
The thought of ‘Hikaru’ even questioning that makes Yoshiki sick. ‘Hikaru’ is supposed to like him, and him only. How come Yoshiki is allowed to only look at ‘Hikaru’, but he doesn’t get to be afforded the same devotion in return? Swallowing down the bile that creeps up his throat, Yoshiki somehow collects himself enough to speak, “You don’t have to like someone to wanna help ‘em,” words betray feelings as Yoshiki’s grip on his handlebars tighten, “but I dunno if it’s a good idea, it wouldn’t be good if ya lost control or somethin’.”
“Wow, don’t have a lotta faith in me, do ya?” ‘Hikaru’ playfully grins up at Yoshiki, and all he gets in return is an eye roll and a hard bump to the shoulder, “Not like it matters anyway, I didn’t even wanna go.”
“Good,” Yoshiki replies before he can think better of it, the more desperate parts of him making themselves known against his will, “yer safer with me.”
The beaming smile that ‘Hikaru’ gives in return almost cancels out the embarrassment Yoshiki’s own words bring, but almost is at least enough to keep him distracted from himself, even if for just a moment. A small moment where Yoshiki can pretend that they’re even just a little bit normal, that this isn’t his best friend’s corpse animated by an eldritch horror that is at least a little bit obsessed with him.
Here, he can pretend that he isn’t likely just as obsessed.
The moment passes, of course, and Yoshiki shoves a hand into ‘Hikaru’s’ hair to ruffle it aggressively. For now, he can live off of these small moments, just until he figures out what the hell he’s going to do.
Sitting on the sidelines during gym class is Yoshiki’s choice way to beat the heat, having stomach problems as bad as his means that he doesn’t get a hard time from his teachers about his lack of participation in gym. The heat is bad enough to have him gulping from his water bottle anyhow, watching from a distance as Maki, Yuuki, Asako, and ‘Hikaru’ all kick around a soccer ball. ‘Hikaru’s’ expression is one of child-like glee as he gets to experience real friendship for his first time living as a human, but it isn’t exactly his expression that has Yoshiki staring.
For whatever reason, Asako and ‘Hikaru’ had chosen to switch gym uniforms for the day. Well, Asako’s reason was that the boys’ uniforms are more comfortable, which Yoshiki doesn’t doubt considering how tiny the girls’ shorts were. Which is exactly what had him gawking the moment Yoshiki had turned around from his locker to see ‘Hikaru’ sporting those tiny, tiny shorts. It’s a mystery how none of the teachers have scolded them, but Maki hadn’t thought twice before tearing ‘Hikaru’ apart for the fashion choice. Yoshiki chose to avoid eye contact instead, deciding to fake a stomachache and sit out for the day.
So now Hikaru is running around in those stupidly small shorts, and it makes Yoshiki want to crawl into the deepest hole he can find and die there. The real Hikaru would have never done something so humiliating in public simply because he was asked to. The Hikaru that Yoshiki knew would have only done something like this in private just to torture Yoshiki, and back then, Yoshiki would have just told him to fuck off and shoved him away. But ‘Hikaru’ isn’t actually trying to do anything to Yoshiki— it’s his mere existence that sets Yoshiki on fire.
Yoshiki’s eyes quickly dart over to someone approaching ‘Hikaru’, someone who Yoshiki quickly recognizes as the girl from their choir group that ‘Hikaru’ had been talking about earlier. Yoshiki unconsciously sits up at that, paying as close attention as he can from the distance that he’s at. Of course he can’t hear what’s being said, all he can do is watch as the girl looks ‘Hikaru’ over and giggles, gesturing towards the shorts.
The small action cracks something within Yoshiki, the heat blooming from his heart and travelling throughout the rest of his body to lay jealous roots that control his next actions. Yoshiki quickly stands and all but runs over to the pair of them, to ‘Hikaru’, and takes ‘Hikaru’s’ wrist into a grip that is tighter and more harsh than intended. The brain finally catches up with the body, and Yoshiki realizes he’s standing there with ‘Hikaru’s’ wrist in hand as the rest of the group stands frozen, watching him. Yoshiki squeezes once before letting go, saying with his actions what he can’t with his words.
This isn’t over.
“Sorry,” Yoshiki says through gritted teeth, “my stomach hurts real bad. Need someone to take me home.”
“Oh, uh, ‘course,” ‘Hikaru’ agrees without question, before turning to the stunned girl, “sorry,” he grimaces sheepishly, and Yoshiki hates that ‘Hikaru’ feels even the slightest bit bad for her, “Guess I’ll have to raincheck on ya!”
Before she has the chance to respond and further piss Yoshiki off, Yoshiki grabs ‘Hikaru’s’ wrist again and drags him toward the locker rooms. The anger continues to fester like a rot eating away at Yoshiki’s insides, a rot that eats and grows more each time ‘Hikaru’ looks like he wants to speak. One look from Yoshiki shuts him up quickly.
They ride their bikes home that day, Yoshiki figures that the exertion might exhaust him just enough to keep him from tearing ‘Hikaru’ apart limb by limb.
“The worst part is ya still haven’t told me why,” Yoshiki barks like it’s an order, “why would you do that?”
“Do what,” ‘Hikaru’ cries deliriously, “ya still haven’t even told me what’s wrong!”
Yoshiki has ‘Hikaru’ stuck under him, both wrists in his hold and pinned to the floor, “Are ya really so dumb that you can’t piece it together,” Yoshiki asks in disbelief, “whose idea was it anyway, Asako’s, or yours?” He spits the words out with venom, disgust dripping from each syllable.
That causes ‘Hikaru’ to finally stop squirming, meeting Yoshiki’s fiery glare with his own dumbfounded look, “That’s what you’re mad about,” ‘Hikaru’ gawks, “the uniform? I don’t see the big deal, she just wanted to be comfortable and I didn’t care about switchin’!”
“That’s the damn problem, ‘Hikaru’,” Yoshiki’s grip tightens, even if it doesn’t hurt ‘Hikaru’, he’s sure it gets the message across, “ya don’t think, ya don’t know anything, and ya don’t care about protectin’ yourself! Sometimes I don’t know how you did this for six months without gettin’ caught. Yer a mess without me.”
“Yoshiki…” ‘Hikaru’ whines, but it doesn’t seem that he can do much else, he can’t even look Yoshiki in the eye.
As ‘Hikaru’ looks away, Yoshiki’s dark gaze chases after a teary one, one that glows red in a way only Yoshiki can see. With the way ‘Hikaru’ moves under him, Yoshiki is sure he’s overwhelmed by the burning shame that is currently being projected onto him.
Whatever, Yoshiki has had to deal with the threat of being consumed by this same ruthless and fiery shame his entire life; ‘Hikaru’ will survive this, even if it costs him a few tears.
“And that girl,” Yoshiki continues with the sharp assault of his words, “that girl just giggling and twirling her fucking hair over the sight of you in those shorts. As if she has any right to do that, any right to try to claim you the way I have.”
Hearing these words come out of Yoshiki’s own mouth is making him a bit delirious, this side of him being one that he has never let come to light. But that’s the thing about ‘Hikaru’, isn’t it? His mere existence makes Yoshiki confront every sick desire and twisted feeling he’s ever tried to shove down into the depths of himself. This possessiveness, this need to lay claim on what’s his, he knows he felt it with Hikaru. Yoshiki’s heart was always reaching, not being able to grip onto what he wanted to keep to himself, unable to hold onto what he needed just to breathe. Now, he just wants to hold on tight and never let go.
Yoshiki clenches his fingers impossibly tighter around ‘Hikaru’s’ wrist, ignoring the way that no heartbeat kicks under his touch, before releasing his hold.
The action is not for ‘Hikaru’s’ benefit, though he might see it that way for the moment’s reprieve that Yoshiki gives between releasing his wrists and starting to undo the buttons of ‘Hikaru’s’ shirt. ‘Hikaru’ watches dumbly, but doesn’t move to stop Yoshiki, “What’re ya doing?” he pants as though he has to breathe.
“Let me in,” Yoshiki presses his hand down roughly on ‘Hikaru’s’ chest, “ya wanna fix this? Ya wanna make it up to me? Then yer gonna let me in.”
“Yoshiki…” ‘Hikaru’ stares, breathless in every sense of the word, and opens for Yoshiki with ease.
‘Hikaru’ seems just as startled by the sudden response of his body as Yoshiki is, but he easily gives Yoshiki what he wants whether he intends to or not. So, Yoshiki wastes no time pressing further in, past the cold dampness and fleshy resistance as ‘Hikaru’ thrashes around wildly, grabbing onto Yoshiki’s arm in an effort to either steady himself or attempt to remove Yoshiki out from inside of him.
“Yoshiki,” ‘Hikaru’ yelps, unable to control his reaction to the onslaught of sensation that comes with Yoshiki basically forcing himself on him, “Yoshiki please, I can’t! Yoshiki, Yoshiki, Yoshiki!”
‘Hikaru’s’ pleas fall on deaf ears as Yoshiki continues to dig further into the abyss, until he finally reaches what he’s been searching for: something that he can grab onto. Yoshiki grabs it with strong fingers and pulls, drawing out a long groan from ‘Hikaru’ as the back of his head thuds against the floor. Wrapping this piece of ‘Hikaru’ around his hand, Yoshiki pulls again with more force, causing ‘Hikaru’ to choke on his own spit and his hips to spasm. With his free hand, Yoshiki holds ‘Hikaru’ down by the jut of his hip.
“‘S so much,” ‘Hikaru’ cries, but without any real complaint in his voice, “I can’t take it, feels so good. Didn’t know I could feel this good.”
“You only feel this good because I let ya, don’t forget that,” Yoshiki decides that will have to count as warning enough before he pushes his arm deeper while still holding on, before finally letting go and stroking at the wet flesh to soothe it. It’s so wrong, it’s so fucking wrong and Yoshiki simply can’t bring himself to care. All he truly cares about right now is reminding ‘Hikaru’ where he stands, where they stand in respect to each other.
Sometimes Yoshiki’s heart screams in fear when ‘Hikaru’ gets too close, sometimes Yoshiki’s heart cries with longing when ‘Hikaru’ goes too far.
Right now, the satisfaction he feels from having ‘Hikaru’ like this is enough to quiet all of the noise.
‘Hikaru’ attempts to stifle his own noise by pressing his lips together tightly, a move that Yoshiki does not appreciate. He feels insane with the need to hear and see every reaction his ministrations pull from the thing below him. Diving down, Yoshiki shoves his tongue between those lips, pressing his way inside and breathing hotly into ‘Hikaru’s’ mouth as he continues to stroke at his insides. Sounds of wet spit and teeth clashing bounce off the walls of this small room where a monster is ravaged.
Tendrils creep up Yoshiki’s arm, slowly as if they’re shy in their pursuit. All this time Yoshiki has been so caught up in claiming what is his, he didn’t take a moment to consider his own pleasure, how mixing like this would feel. He pulls apart from ‘Hikaru’ with a smack, a thin strand of spit still connecting them. Wide and red eyes look up from under him, the strength used to hold himself back apparent on his face. While Yoshiki hadn’t considered mixing until this moment, it’s obvious now that ‘Hikaru’ has been having to restrain himself from forcing himself onto Yoshiki the same way that Yoshiki has been doing to him.
How ridiculous, how pathetic, a monster holding itself back from its nature for the sake of a human. Even so, the thought makes Yoshiki feel a bit special, which is a feeling he shoves down just as quickly as it bubbles up.
“Touch me back,” Yoshiki demands rather than asks.
“Wh- huh?” ‘Hikaru’ tries to speak through the delirium and does a poor job.
Yoshiki presses his forehead against ‘Hikaru’s’ with force, the knocking of their skulls sounds through Yoshiki’s ears and serves to ground him, even just slightly, “I wanna mix,” Yoshiki pants out, only able to see the red in ‘Hikaru’s’ eyes glowing back at him with how close they are, “I want you to make me feel good. ‘S the least you can do for me.”
Without a word, red quickly morphs into the random and familiar patterns that seep from ‘Hikaru’, stretching out to caress Yoshiki’s cheek with a strange gentleness that doesn’t feel appropriate for the moment. Gentle is the last thing he wants, all he wants right now is to forget where he is, to let go of everything that he is, even if just for a brief moment.
A shock to Yoshiki’s system sparks up his arm where it’s still shoved inside of ‘Hikaru’, and ripples through the rest of his body until it reaches his brain to light him on fire. Immediately Yoshiki finds himself buckling under the sudden onslaught of sensation, all his synapses firing in different directions, all the matter and information that make up his brain feeling as though it’s being morphed into something new, something outside of himself. Pleasure tears a groan from his throat, a noise that is quickly silenced as ‘Hikaru’ captures Yoshiki’s lips on his own, both slightly bringing him back to reality while also adding more fuel to the fire roaring within him.
So far, ‘Hikaru’ has been doing a good job of keeping his hands fixed where Yoshiki had left them, but now he grabs at Yoshiki and pulls him downward, forcing him further into ‘Hikaru’s’ chest cavity. Yoshiki lets ‘Hikaru’ take advantage of his newly given control of the situation, going freely as ‘Hikaru’ hooks his legs around the other’s waist and flips them together, Yoshiki now finding himself at the monster’s mercy.
Through the change in position, their lips don’t break contact. ‘Hikaru’ is rubbing his tongue roughly against Yoshiki’s, tastebuds catching on each other and spit mixing in the way that their souls do. Each time that they mix, Yoshiki loses a piece of himself so that ‘Hikaru’ may claim and absorb it, effectively dimming Yoshiki’s soul of its warm hue to something more neutral, but resulting in a color that shines just as bright.
Gravity pulls ‘Hikaru’ down, forcing Yoshiki’s arm further past more of that resistance and dampness that is likely as infinite as it feels, pulling a moan out of him, “You’re so deep inside me,” ‘Hikaru’ huffs, grabbing a hold of Yoshiki’s arm to steady himself as he lightly shakes at the intensity of the feeling, “and warm. So warm,” he sighs as he pulls himself off of Yoshiki’s arm slightly, before pressing it back in even further and pulling a gasp from both of them.
“Yer such a mess,” Yoshiki grimaces, unsure if he truly hates the effect that this is having on his body. The sight of ‘Hikaru’ basically thrusting Yoshiki’s arm in and out of the opening in his chest making his head dizzy and his cock ache, “get me outta these clothes if you’re just gonna use me like a fuck toy.”
As if unable to deny those wishes, ‘Hikaru’ releases his grip on Yoshiki’s arm to strip him of the offensive fabric of his clothes, as well as rid himself of his own pants and underwear. Somehow, he manages all of this without pulling off of the arm that he’s basically impaled on, apparently not willing to separate even to get Yoshiki’s shirt off, so ‘Hikaru’ lets it dangle unbuttoned so that he can rest his hands on Yoshiki’s bare abdomen. Finally, he sits on Yoshiki’s hips, and Yoshiki feels like he might just black out from the way his cock stands to attention and bumps against ‘Hikaru’s’ ass. Looking behind himself, ‘Hikaru’ brushes his fingertips along the underside of Yoshiki’s cock, causing it to leak as his hips twitch.
“Ah-” Yoshiki gasps as he involuntarily thrusts up, rubbing his cock against both the soft plushness of ‘Hikaru’s’ ass and the pads of his fingertips. The force of the movement bounces ‘Hikaru’, forcing the other further down onto Yoshiki’s arm on the comedown, “Jesus Christ,” Yoshiki hisses, the reality of just how fucked this is threatening to tip a bucket of cold water onto him at any moment, but the heat of the situation scorches him in his current state of blissful ignorance, “wanna be inside you.”
The confession was made before Yoshiki could even process that he was thinking it, but the way he feels ‘Hikaru’s’ insides pulse around his arm tells him that the monster is just as on board with the idea of devouring Yoshiki even further. God, does Yoshiki want to be devoured. He wants to be consumed as easily as an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, as quickly as the last slice of cake at the birthday party, so completely that the plate must be licked clean.
“Wanna fill you up,” Yoshiki somehow gets out, albeit a bit breathless, “wanna mix while I do it, so that you can’t forget that you belong to me.”
“Yes,” ‘Hikaru’ agrees easily, his left iris wavering, “I’m yours, I need it, need you. Need, need, need,” he whines, drawing the vowel out, “need you to be mine. Please be mine,” he begs as he falls further apart, his features dissolving into his true essence, the red glimmer of his eyes bearing into the infinite darkness of Yoshiki’s own, as if he’s challenging him to say no, “be mine, Yoshiki. Say it, say you’re mine.”
It’s easy to let ‘Hikaru’ have this win, especially when Yoshiki wants to be claimed just as badly as ‘Hikaru’ wants to claim, “I’m yours.”
A snaggled tooth catches the light and gleams as ‘Hikaru’ breaks out into a smile. Yoshiki doesn’t let them bask in the moment long, choosing now to spit into his free hand and reach behind ‘Hikaru’ to slick up his own cock. He then grabs ‘Hikaru’s’ hip, guiding him up a bit and back to hover over Yoshiki’s cock. Once Yoshiki is positioned, he lets one tense and quiet moment pass between them, and then he grabs at something within ‘Hikaru’ and tugs.
The move quickly has ‘Hikaru’ falling onto Yoshiki’s cock, landing his hips down in one thrust, causing Yoshiki to buck fully up into the tight warmth that is ‘Hikaru’. It’s so odd, thrusting inside with his hand into cold and slimy flesh, while he also thrusts his cock into a heat that sucks him in completely. Both of them are squirming from the pleasure, ‘Hikaru’ losing himself more and more and dissolving into an essence that travels along Yoshiki’s skin. It curtains over one side of them, blocking out the light and spreading over Yoshiki until some makes its way to his mouth, pushing its way inside and filling him until it tickles at the back of Yoshiki’s throat. All Yoshiki can manage to do is groan around the intrusion as he bucks up into ‘Hikaru’ again, unable to control the rhythm at which he presses in and out.
Tendrils continue to creep down over Yoshiki’s throat to his chest, rubbing over his nipples and shocking him with pleasure. The mind numbing static that comes with mixing starts to blur the edges of Yoshiki’s vision, his hearing, his perception of anything. All he can do now is thrust up into ‘Hikaru’ and keep pulling and strumming at the strings of his insides. Fat tears spill over Yoshiki’s cheeks, feeling completely overwhelmed by ‘Hikaru’ truly consuming him, though it seems ‘Hikaru’ isn’t any better off, back to being a blubbering mess despite being the one in control now.
Maybe the monster is just as much of a victim to his own pleasure as Yoshiki is. Does the pleasure make ‘Hikaru’ human? Or does it make Yoshiki a monster? Maybe they’re one in the same, mixed beyond separation and comprehension. How can that be wrong when it feels so good?
Yoshiki finds himself done for the moment that ‘Hikaru’ realizes he can bounce his own hips to get Yoshiki moving deeper inside of him. He’s barely capable of thought, and he can’t get words out with ‘Hikaru’ still stuffing his mouth, so he squeezes ‘Hikaru’s’ hip to warn him that he’s close.
“Yes,” ‘Hikaru’ affirms without taking a moment to think about it, “I feel so full and warm, I- I’ve never felt like this before. This body,” he takes a moment to collect himself, but doesn’t do a very good job, “it’s so hot, need ya to keep fillin’ me up. Need all of it.”
That’s all it takes for Yoshiki to shove his hips up into ‘Hikaru’ one last time, staying there as he empties everything he has deep into him. Yoshiki moans around the thick essence as it shrinks to slide out of his mouth, freeing the noises he makes as ‘Hikaru’ digs blunt nails into the skin of his stomach. ‘Hikaru’s’ body doesn’t react the same way Yoshiki’s does, but he seems to be just as blissed out as Yoshiki feels.
There’s a certain power in knowing for a fact that no one else can bring pleasure to ‘Hikaru’ the way that Yoshiki does, even if enjoying the act of it makes him a bit of a freak for being eager to shove his hand inside and blindly search for what makes ‘Hikaru’ tick. The being on top of him quivers now, surely overwhelmed from all the new feelings he’s experiencing. Slowly, he inches up Yoshiki’s cock before sliding back down, pulling a synchronous groan from the both of them.
“Feels so slick,” ‘Hikaru’ observes with a dreamy sigh, cocking his head to gaze down at Yoshiki, “yer so wet, Yoshiki.” It’s unclear in what way he means, creating a double entendre as he wipes the tears from Yoshiki’s face.
Once Yoshiki starts to come back down to Earth, he lowers his hips as ‘Hikaru’ tries to piece himself back together in the afterglow. Once he’s whole again, Yoshiki slowly pulls his arm out from his chest cavity, and ‘Hikaru’ wastes no time flopping his full body weight onto Yoshiki. Sighing, Yoshiki looks down at the short white locks of hair before ruffling them up with his fingers in an effort to distract them both, wanting to run from the feeling of having to separate as Yoshiki pulls out.
For a good while, all that sounds are the cicadas singing outside and the weak little standing fan whirring away. Until finally, ‘Hikaru’ is the one to break the silence, “So,” he starts, tone sheepish, “are ya done bein’ mad at me?”
“I’m not mad,” Yoshiki slowly cards his fingers through ‘Hikaru’s’ hair still, “just don’t forget that you’re mine, you can’t belong to anyone else.”
“I don’t think she wanted me to belong to her,” ‘Hikaru’s’ lips brush against Yoshiki’s chest as he talks, “I think she just liked my singin’.”
“Well that’s even worse, ‘cause yer singin’ ain’t that great.”
‘Hikaru’s’ head shoots up from where it had laid on Yoshiki’s chest, looking at him with offense, “What! But I work so hard,” he gives Yoshiki his best kicked puppy eyes, “I love to sing.”
Yoshiki shoves at ‘Hikaru’s’ face, pulling a laugh from him, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don’t let me catch ya doin’ it again.”
“Promise,” ‘Hikaru’ says as he grabs one of Yoshiki’s hands and laces their fingers together, “I’m yours, and don’t go forgettin’ that you’re mine!”
The demand makes Yoshiki’s heart ache sweetly, often finding that it’s too hard to deny the monster. Whether that be the monster that lay across him, or the monster that exists within him, simply depends on the day. Even so, it’s easier to give in, so that he does.
“Promise.”