Chapter Text
If I had three wishes from a genie, I would only need to use one of them.
I would wish for the ability to shut my brain off.
It just runs, and runs, and runs, and runs. I never get a moment of peace. I once had a friend tell me that sometimes she sits in silence with no thoughts running through her mind.
I was absolutely flabbergasted and insanely jealous.
Most of my nights are spent lying awake with random thoughts constantly running through my brain. It has gotten so bad and has produced so much anxiety that I've started getting physical chest pains that come and go as they please.
I just want it all to stop. My emotions are killing me.
I take a deep breath, turning the page in my book as I try and block out the sounds of giggling across from me in the train compartment.
I'm failing miserably.
I look up, but then look back down at my book again when I see how close Harry and Pansy's faces are to each other.
Instead of trying to focus on my book in my lap, I decide to take a moment for myself and give them some privacy. I put my book down and stand up to grab my robes, and neither of them even glances in my direction as I walk out of the compartment and down the hall to one of the bathrooms.
Harry and Pansy started dating almost two months ago. After McGonagall took over the position of Headmaster, or should I say Headmistress, after the war, she required all surviving and able-bodied seventh-year students to return for their "eighth year", which basically means we'll be retaking our final year with the new current seventh-year students.
Soon after the letters came, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I went to Diagon Alley to get our supplies, and we ran into a group of Slytherins outside Fortescue's. Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, and Theodore Nott were all in attendance.
We sat down to have some ice cream with them, and it's been history ever since.
In a few train cars over, I'll be sure to find Ginny coupled up with Theo somewhere, while I can bet Ron and Daphne are fighting, but still miraculously dating.
I actually really enjoy being around Pansy and Theo. The five of us have taken a few trips to Diagon Alley over the summer, and I've gotten to know the two of them pretty well. It was a little awkward at first, but once we got past all the "I'm sorry"s, we generally have a good time together.
I've gotten especially friendly with Pansy, seeing as she's dating Harry, which is who I spend most of my time with since he's my best friend.
Ron and Daphne aren't really around a lot anymore, so I haven't really gotten to know Daphne, but she seems nice. Ron has sort of grown apart from Harry and me, which is fine. It happens. We've grown apart from him as well, but we'll always be friendly with each other.
But I'm lonely. Everyone has someone to go to now, and while I still have Harry, a friendship is different than a relationship.
It's not that I see him pulling away from me; it's more so that they now both have their person to whom they run to when anything new happens in their lives. They have someone they see almost every day, if not at least talk to every day, and get to hear about every small detail that is happening in their day-to-day.
I crave that so badly.
While I'm jealous of what they have, I could also never be happier for them. Harry had his ups and downs with Cho Chang and even Ginny, but he really found something with Pansy that is genuinely beautiful.
Ginny and Theo, too.
Ron and Daphne, on the other hand, fight. A lot. About stupid shit. But they make it work, too. And you can see how much they love each other.
I just want it to be my turn.
I have a huge love for reading, especially romance, so I've seen so many different types of pairings, relationships, and endings, and all of them are so noticeably beautiful and passionate. But it's gotten to a point where when I read about these relationships, it's like I'm reading about what I don't have, and it makes me so sad that I begin to question if I'll ever get to experience what these people have. I'm losing my one escape, the one thing I could rely on to distract me and take away my pain, even if it was only temporary.
And it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by these couples in real life.
Harry has Pansy, Ginny has Theo, and Ron has Daphne.
And I'm all alone.
I finish using the bathroom and change into my Gryffindor robes. I check myself over in the mirror and take a deep breath to prepare myself to sit with Harry and Pansy for the rest of the ride to Hogwarts.
It's painful, but I love them, so I bear with it.
I open the door to the bathroom, and Draco Malfoy is leaning against the wall across from me.
I swallow. "Malfoy," I say.
My eyes can't help but take in the nicely tailored trousers and beautiful Slytherin sweater he's wearing over his button-down shirt, with his hands calmly tucked away inside the pockets of his pants.
He nods his head at me. "Granger," he replies, and I watch him enter the bathroom as I move out of the doorway and start making my way back to my compartment.
I saw Malfoy a few times over the summer. He and Blaise Zabini met us in Diagon Alley once or twice while the group was out. I didn't talk to Malfoy much, but we're cordial with each other, so I take that as a win.
Blaise, on the other hand, is a character. There's never any awkward silences or pauses in conversation when he's around. He can definitely bring joy and excitement to any situation.
I send a prayer up to Godric when I enter the compartment and don't find Harry and Pansy making out.
"Hermione! I didn't even see you leave. Where did you go?" Harry asks.
I gesture to my clothes. "I just went to change into my robes," I reply, retaking my seat.
Harry, Pansy, and I chat idly the rest of the journey to Hogwarts, and near the end of the ride, Ginny and Theo join us as well.
"Merlin, it stinks down there," Theo says, scrunching his nose in disgust as he waves a hand in front of his face, sitting down next to me.
Harry and I look at each other in confusion. "Huh?" I ask.
"What happened?" Pansy asks, holding back a smile.
Ginny fake retches. "I think someone set off a dungbomb or something. It really reeks."
All of us laugh, and Blaise later sticks his head into our compartment to confirm it was he who set off a dungbomb.
"Blamed it on Malfoy," he says, winking as he leaves our compartment.
I shake my head and pack up my stuff as the train slows down at Hogsmeade Station.
Once the train comes to a complete stop, we leave our compartment and make our way out of the train.
"First-years, follow me!" I hear Hagrid yelling. "The rest of the students to the carriages!"
Hagrid gives Harry and me a big hug when he sees us and asks us to visit him soon. We promise him we will, and we veer right to head towards the carriages that will take us to the castle, while the first-year students follow Hagrid to the docks.
I pet one of the thestrals pulling the carriages, and then hop into one with Harry, Pansy, Ginny, and Theo.
The four of them converse while I sit silently, waiting for the castle to come into view. And when it finally does, a smile involuntarily forms on my face.
One would think a war would overtake my feelings and emotions while at Hogwarts, but it surprisingly didn't. Hogwarts, to me, is still as magical as the first moment I ever laid my eyes on it. Every year, it felt more and more like home to me, and I'll never again take for granted the comfort and joy of being here.
Hogwarts is my home, even more so now.
Once our carriage comes to a stop, Theo holds his hand out to help me down from the carriage, and I give him a smile in thanks as the five of us make our way inside.
We head straight for the Great Hall. Once we enter, I marvel at the beauty of this room. I've always been so entranced by the enchanted ceiling, and tonight is no different. I take in the hundreds of floating candles as they bounce their light off the twinkling night sky above them. Apart from the library and the Gryffindor common room, this is one of my favorite places in the castle.
Ginny, Harry, and I say goodbye to Pansy and Theo as we part ways to go to our respective tables.
We greet Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean, who are all present at the end of the Gryffindor table.
"I'm not following the stupid table assignments anymore," Harry says. "I'll give them today to let the first-years get sorted, but starting tomorrow, I'm sitting with Pansy, whether it's at our table or theirs."
My heart drops a little. I was secretly glad that we would be separated from the Slytherins during meals, as it would give me some private time with Harry and Ginny, but I guess not. I already had to listen to them plan on how they were going to sneak each other in and out of their common rooms, so I really am going to have a full school year surrounded by my coupled-up friends.
"Agreed," Ginny adds. "Enough of this house unity bullshit. Maybe with McGonagall as Headmistress, she'll encourage all of us to get along. And hey, if Harry does it, everyone will follow in his footsteps."
I tune out the rest of their conversation as I look around at the rest of the tables. They're terribly less packed than they used to be, with a lot more room and space between all of the other students on the benches, especially at the Slytherin table. Slytherin took the biggest hit out of all of us. While a lot of the students died, a good number of them were also put into Azkaban for their involvement with the Death Eaters. The only people I know at that table are Malfoy, Theo, Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, and Daphne's little sister, Astoria, who is sitting with the sixth-years.
From what I understand, everyone besides Malfoy had no involvement with Voldemort at all. After going through a trial, I guess they saw what Malfoy was put through and how he was forced into doing what he did; they let him go with a slap on the wrist and probation for the summer. As long as he passes the school year, he'll be a free man.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see McGonagall stand up from her seat and make her way around the Head Table, taking her place near the stool with the Sorting Hat.
"Quiet down, everyone," she says. Once the students turn their attention to her, the sorting ceremony begins. The first-years enter the room, and once they're all gathered at the front, the Sorting Hat sings his song, and then the students get placed into their new houses.
"Let the feast begin!" McGonagall announces, waving her hands as all of the food appears on the table.
We eat for a while, and once dessert is put out, McGonagall takes her place at the podium again. "I just want to start off by thanking you all for being here. We have worked hard to restore Hogwarts to its original design, and we were very happy to get it all done in time to be able to host you all again for another amazing school year. I know it must be emotional for a lot of you being back here, and I just want to say that my office, and all of the other professors' offices, are open for all of you to visit should you need to talk." She gestures behind her to the rest of the Hogwarts staff. "Usually we don't do this, but seeing as though there is a small shortage of professors this year, as well as being your Headmistress, I will also be retaking my position as your Transfiguration Professor until we can find someone permanent..."
She introduces us to two new professors, Professor Hayes and Professor Matyjevich, who will be taking over the teaching positions for Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, respectively. All of our other professors have gladly stayed the same.
"Now, we do have some eighth-year students in the mix this year. Because what was supposed to be your last year at Hogwarts got interrupted, we have asked you to come back to finish out your schooling. While you have all probably read this in the letter I sent over the summer, you will be attending your classes with the seventh-years. As for your rooms, we have extended all of the dormitories to include another set of rooms specifically for the eighth-year students, so the seventh-year rooms don't get too crowded."
Damn. I'm going to have my own room.
The only two other female Gryffindors in my year were Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil, but Lavender didn't make it, and Parvati was too injured from the war to make it back to school in time. Padma stayed back with her as well.
"I'm bunking with you," Ginny whispers into my ear, and she winks at me as I smile back at her.
McGonagall finishes her start-of-the-year speech and sends us on our way to our common rooms to rest up before classes begin tomorrow.
"I'll meet up with you later," Harry says to me, looking across the room to the Slytherin table. "I'm going to walk Pansy to her common room."
Ginny kisses me on the cheek. "I'm meeting with Theo. See you later!"
The two of them run off to their partners, Ron close behind. I notice Neville make his way over to Luna, and Dean and Seamus are holding hands behind me.
Good Godric. I really am the only single one left.
I start my journey by myself to the Gryffindor common room, and once I arrive, I smile at the younger students crowded around, getting to know the common room and love it like I have. I make my way up the stairs, all the way to the top, where I'm assuming my room is.
I find the sign labeled 'eighth-year girls', open the door, and walk inside to a small but beautiful room.
My bed (a full-sized bed!) is in the center of the room when you walk in. Two beautiful nightstands sit on either side, and I'm glad to see the familiar bedding and curtains hanging around the four-poster bed. There are two windows, one on either side of my bed, and in front of the window on the right is a small writing desk. Off to the right is a wall of bookshelves, some empty, some full, and I know I'll have to thank McGonagall for that later. In front of the bookshelves, there are two small armchairs with a small circular rug in between, and across the wall from my bed is an armoire and a set of drawers. There's a door to my left, and I open it up to find my own private bathroom.
It's bittersweet. I would've been sharing this room with Parvati and Lavender, but I have it all to myself.
Since I now have all this room, I start unpacking my belongings. I put all of my clothes away, and I'm even more grateful for the bookshelves because I brought a lot of my personal books this year, so instead of storing them in my extendable purse, I put them out on the shelves.
Once I finish unpacking, I decide to get ready for bed. I take a quick shower and do my bathroom stuff before grabbing my book from the train and cuddling up in bed. I get through one chapter, and then I'm thankfully fast asleep.