Chapter 1: A Phoenix's Last Cry
Chapter Text
One for All had been warm- never overwhelmingly, but rather comfortably. A gentle, soothing kind of warmth, like steamed buns in January, billowing out steam amidst frost. A warmth like his mother's hands tracing his scars, while he dozed off.
Then the warmth had stuttered. Izuku didn't need danger sense to know. For a brief moment, a mere second, he had felt devastatingly void. No one had to tell him- he could feel it slipping. One for All was leaving; it was a fact as instinctual as knowing how to breath.
Past the windows and walls and forest and gates, he ran, One for All surging through him; if he stopped, Izuku didn't know if the next step would ever touch the ground. His lungs burned as it had on that fateful April, all those years ago, watching the beach shimmer at dawn. Warmth still streamed through his veins, and he latched onto it- don't.
Don't let this end. Don't take this away from me. Don't take it back.
He ran past UA, through the half-constructed Mustafu buildings, around the destruction and the healing. He ran on pavement, his steps pounding louder than his heartbeat, passing railways and valleys, and still, Izuku didn't stop. Each step was a reminder; he could still move. He wasn't done yet. Deku the hero was still here.
"Stop." Izuku whispered, feeling the whisps of Fa Jin and Gearshift hang onto his skin, before eventually drifting into the sunset. Kudo and Lee patted him on his shoulders, their eyes telling him messages he could never bound to just words alone. "Don't leave!" Why did he think he could outrun time? Why did his whole body seem to be collapsing upon itself, a supernova soaring down towards the ground?
Smokescreen left next, puffs of glistening purple shrouding him in an embrace one last time. En gave him a smug thumbs-up and, under his turtle neck, there was definitely one last defiant grin. Then, he was gone. Izuku was like a starving man, desperately consuming the energy strumming through his veins. The warmth of filtered sunlight on floorboards. The warmth of a hotpot with his class. The warmth of being lifted out of rubble, and embraced in safe arms. His quirk ignited in his cells, a field of a thousand fireflies slowly being cremated, bright and powerful at its end. With one fell launch, Izuku let himself soar.
Float carried him upwards, pushing through the clouds, guiding him closer and closer to the sun; if he flew far and fast enough, would he escape his fate? Would he manage to salvage his wings?
"Shinomori-san." Izuku cried, as Danger Sense bled from him- he was a sole missile launching skyward, flying through the landscape.
"You'll be alright, Nine." the air seemed to whisper, but Izuku wasn't sure he wanted to believe in the Fourth. To be alright was to be subpar. Average. Not enough to be comforted, but too little to be celebrated.
Through the tears, Izuku could see a kaleidoscope of colours splattered across the sky he was flying through. Bright oranges, sleepy purples, pretty pinks, dazzling blues; his own green sparks lit them up, letting them glow.
Just a bit closer. One more leap. One more surge of power. If he tried enough, he knew that he could touch those clouds, could dissolve up there with the horizon, could grow to know nothing about being bounded by the ground again. Just one more time.
But Izuku knew he was descending, his body free-falling. Float was leaving too.
"Shimura-san," and he could see her marigold gloves ruffling his hair, brushing away his tears, guiding him down to the ground safely, "Not you too. Please, please don't leave me."
"Izuku-kun." and a tragically beautiful smile stretched across her lips. She was emanating with the sun's light, golden and transcendent all in one, and so devastatingly home. "Oh, Izuku you're more than we could have ever hoped to be, squirt."
"I'm not enough yet." he urged, his tears gone to the wind, his clothes billowing with freezing air. "Nana, Nana-san, please. Please don't leave me."
Izuku landed softly in sand. Shimura, and Float, disappeared into the waves, with a last reassurance:
"You're the greatest hero this damn world has ever seen, Nine."
If Izuku couldn't be carried by the winds, he would carry himself. He dashed, his lungs never having stopped burning. Black Whip slithered out of him, but this time, not even rage could keep it powered. The tendrils gave him a squeeze, promising eternity in a vessel that had run out of time.
"Banjo-san! Banjo, please...please!" Izuku ran, chasing after the ghostly image of the Fifth.
"I'm that popular, huh?" Banjo teased, slowly fading away, even as the Ninth chased, relentless in his pursuit. Daigoro's expression turned slightly more sombre. "Oh, kid. We'll miss you too. But we're so proud, you hear? This world is lucky to have you, whether or not you have a quirk."
Izuku tripped, crashing into the sand. He inhaled desperately, kicking up sand in his frantic attempt to keep chasing Banjo. But by the time he had looked back up, the Fifth had left, along with Blackwhip.
He knew that there was no way for First to stay. Izuku had chosen this for himself, but how it hurt for his long-awaited dream to shatter before his very eyes.
"I'll always be here." First promised, gently lifting the boy to his feet. The First pointed to Izuku's chest, still so warm with the flow of One for All. "I'll always be here, in your heart. Don't forget us, Midoriya."
"Never." Izuku reassured, tears flooding out of his sockets endlessly. The First wrapped the shorter male in his embrace. "You guys- You guys were the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"And you for us too." The First's eyes glowed with pride, ponds filled with koi fish, illuminated by sunlight. Izuku was mesmerised by his eyes, the one that had started it all, that had given him his dream.
The beginning and the end embraced. Izuku clung on tight, desperately, hopefully. Sparks of One for All flew everywhere, like a billion stars in the galaxy. They ignited, tantalising in their brightness, blinding in their hope. He couldn't blink; if Izuku just kept his eyes open long enough, would One for All forever be seared into his very being? If he stared just a bit further into the distance, would he come face to face with the Deku that could've been? Just for one selfish second, Midoriya wished that Tenko hadn't been saved, for maybe Deku could have been instead.
"I'll do anything." he whispered. "I'll stop making mum, and All Might, and my friends worry. I'll take break days. I'll help save the world with my friends at my side, instead of burdening it all on my own. So please." He felt his eyes close, melting into the warmth shrouding him, "Please let me use One for All just one more time- even once would be enough. Let me be the type of hero who can save everyone with a smile. Don't let this all end."
Izuku opened his eyes.
There was no one but him.
He clenched his fists, and tried to bring up One for All one more time; but he knew instinctively that there we no point- he wasn't warm anymore. The embers had burnt out, leaving nothing but the memory of a brightness that was once his. Still, he tried.
Just one percent. Even one percent would be sufficient for him- would be enough to fill the void that was opening up in his chest.
"Come on, come on, come on!" Izuku sobbed, furiously wiping his tears away to no avail. "I won't! I promise, I won't hurt myself with it ever again! I- I won't even try to be a hero with it. I won't ever wish for anything ever again, as long as- as long as..."
There were no sparks.
No matter how hard he searched, Izuku couldn't find the warmth that once was.
Chapter 2: Eternal Reminders
Summary:
"You never were, Deku." Katsuki started walking off, and Izuku turned to follow, both of them sauntering off side by side. "And if it helps, had it really been Overhaul, I would be here."
They met eachother's eyes, worn from the war, but fresh with a child-like innocence they had recently revived. Genuine smiles painted their face; it wasn't loud and bright, like All Might's smiles, but gentle and real.
Izuku broke out into chuckles- "Yeah. You're always here, Kacchan." He breathed deeply, staring into his hands.
Chapter Text
"Help! Please, someone save me!"
Izuku's eyes snapped up, scanning the surroundings with laser focus. This was a relatively minor incident, but still, he thought that the civilians would have been evacuated by now.
"Don't worry! My name is Deku, and I'm a hero! Are you okay?"
"U-um..I- I don't know!" a small voice answered, and Izuku took off in the direction of some rubble; the voice sounded like a child, definitely panicked. Were they pinned down? He turned the corner, and found- Eri, with her arms covered in dirtied bandages, her feet bare on the rough pavement. Her eyes- piercing red, desperate and hopeful, tightly clinging on to his suit, and yet he let her go, back to the hands of cold, cold hands, and-
Deku didn't think. All the knowledge he had gotten in the past 2 years flew out the window; he was acting on sheer instinct. Izuku wrapped up the small child- too small for a child her age, too light- in his arms and ran. Even without One for All, he ran fast, dashing past the rubble and away from the scene- Overhaul was behind him, imminently close, closing the distance. He could still remember the sting of impalement in his ankles, could hear Nighteye's breath struggle more and more, but Eri was in his arms, and he couldn't stop, he had to keep going-
"Deku!"
"Deku! What the fuck are you doing!" Izuku collided with something- warm- and stopped. He had to keep going. He had to run, or else Overhaul would catch them, and Eri would never be able to smile, never be able to- "Izuku."
He looked up and saw Kacchan staring at him. Izuku couldn't quite decipher his expression, could only force himself to keep breathing. Dynamight opened his mouth, about to say something, but
"U-um... D-Deku-san?" a small, tentative voice broke the silence, looking cautiously between the two heroes in front of him. Izuku snapped out of it, and finally processed who was in his arms- it wasn't Eri. She didn't even look like Eri, with her purple skin and pin-black hair.
"Sorry, I must have scared you there. I just didn't want you to get hurt, since the rubble hadn't been quite stable there. Are you hurt?" Izuku gently asked, letting a comforting smile stretch across his lips. He could feel red eyes gaze into his head, but he would deal with that later.
"Um...my shoulders hit a bit but otherwise, I think I'm fine," Izuku's heart sank at the realisation. She was hurt because of him. He hadn't even checked her for injuries before scooping her up and dashing off with her and- "I just- um- I lost my mummy and um.."
I'm scared of what she will do to me, since I misbehaved, she seems to say, She'll be angry since I ran off during a villain attack. Help me.
"It's okay, take a deep breath for me okay? What's your name?" Deku went through the process of comforting the girl, making her laugh with some terrible jokes and a promise to help. Although his feelings were genuine, Izuku was dreading having to talk to Katsuki after all of this. Finally, the paramedics took the girl away, while Izuku quietly told them his thoughts on her home-situation.
"Thank you, Deku-san!" the girl waved enthusiastically, to which he responded, and then, the ambulance was gone. It was silent. Kacchan didn't speak- the tension was so thick, Izuku was sure you could cut it with a knife.
"I.. um-"
"Izuku." Any chances he had of making light of the situation was officially out the window. Dang it! The blonde had witnessed him run frantically, more panicked than the victim herself, throwing all protocols of rescue work into the wind. "Izuku, calm your ass down."
"Huh?" Midoriya realised he was facing the ground instead of looking at him, and turned his head back to look at Katsuki.
"You know I'm not gonna pity you, damn nerd. I'm just concerned." Katsuki reassured, flicking a finger at Izuku's forehead.
"Ow, Kacchan what the heck!" he groaned, rubbing at his face. Izuku sighed, "I know I messed up. It was an accident it's just- I saw her, and suddenly, I was back in the Shie Hassaikai case, and I had Eri in my arms and," he broke out in a bland chuckle. "At least back then I could save Eri. Just now, when I was running, I knew instinctively- if it really had been Overhaul, me and the child would have both been dead."
There was no point in denying that. It was an objective truth, and Katsuki was never one for sugar-coating reality.
"Well, you did save Eri. And you saved that brat just now too." Bakugou said apathetically, ruffing Deku's curls- he knew nothing he could say was going to be enough. In a softer tone, he added, "You know you're not useless without your quirk, right?"
The silence said enough.
"You never were, Deku." Katsuki started walking off, and Izuku turned to follow, both of them sauntering off side by side. "And if it helps, had it really been Overhaul, I would be here."
They met eachother's eyes, worn from the war, but fresh with a child-like innocence they had recently revived. Genuine smiles painted their face; it wasn't loud and bright, like All Might's smiles, but gentle and real.
Izuku broke out into chuckles- "Yeah. You're always here, Kacchan." He breathed deeply, staring into his hands. "I just can't help but wish we could be standing together just a little bit more further from the starting line."
"Even though we're so damn far already? Always the perfectionist, you damn nerd." Katsuki snarked, shoving his friend roughly.
"Says you! You're the biggest perfectionist ever!"
"Ha? Why would I be a perfectionist when I'm already perfect. I don't need to chase anything I already have!"
"Seriously?" Izuku deadpanned, before breaking out into laughter. Before long, Katsuki joined him, chuckling softly. The grief of losing One for All still clung to his shoulders, and the darkness under his eyes were more than just shadows, and maybe- maybe the hurt would always be there.
Katsuki just wanted to lessen it right now, maybe reduce the wariness just a bit more. Deku was always going to be upset about losing One for All; it was impossible not to. But Izuku wasn't a hero because of his quirk, he was a hero despite of it.
Izuku's laughter died down, and he stared whimsically at the sky. His eyes didn't glisten as much as they used to, but they were getting there. They would get there. If Izuku stared a little harder at the sky- the same colours as the day he lost One for All- he could maybe see Shigaraki look back at him. Would he be disappointed that the person he chose as an opponent was being so pitiful? Was he still mad Deku didn't really end up saving Tenko?
"I'm still not enough," Izuku smiled, "but that's okay, right? I'm not as strong as I used to be. I can't- I can't punch as hard, run as fast as before, jump as high; but it's better than just standing there stationary."
"Yeah." Bakugou whispered, staring up at the same sky. He was there; patient, stable. A pillar, ready to listen to whatever Izuku wanted him to hear. It was so different from the boy he once knew.
"I keep thinking I need to prove I belong here. That no matter what I do now, it won't compare to what I could've done with One for All. And, and you know what it's true. I won't be able to save as many people as I could have, but-"
"But the world's not just for you alone to save." Katsuki finished for him. "You've already proven you belong here, Deku."
Izuku was still staring at the sky, but the blonde had begun to observe him instead. His smile was real, but sadness still laced it. That's alright. He was allowed to grieve.
"Let's go talk to Eri, that damn brat." Bakugou decided. "I'm sure that old man Aizawa won't mind."
"Kacchan! Aizawa-sensei is not old! Plus, we haven't even graduated yet; he's still our sensei you know!"
Bakugou barked out a laugh, grinning mischievously, "Only a few weeks now, huh. Still can't believe we're about to graduate and leave that damn prison."
"You and I both know you love our dorms, Kacchan." Izuku smirked, eyes crinkling up in joy.
"As if I care about those damn extras!" Katsuki complained, and then ran off towards UA, "Bet you can't get to UA faster than me, loser!"
"Hey! Kacchan, that's cheating!" Izuku yelled, and ran to catch up with the blonde, laughter spilling from their lips the whole way.
Chapter 3: Who Else Could You Be, Silly?
Summary:
"Deku-san?" Eri asked tentatively, playing with her fingers. She still wasn't used to asking things so freely without repercussions, but well, with Deku especially...she knew he wouldn't mind.
"Yes, Eri-chan?"
"Um.." she looked away from his gaze, looking to the ground and up again. She didn't want Deku to be upset by the reminder, but- well, he had been brave for her too, all that time ago. So, Eri would be brave for him too. "Deku-san, um. Wouldn't you- I mean, couldn't I revive your quirk?"
Chapter Text
Eri was working hard! She was on her fourth page of kanji, by the time Aizawa-san was opening the door to their UA apartment. Eri heard him conversing with some people by the door for a bit, and usually she would have looked by now, but she was so close- so close!- to finishing the worksheet, and-
"I'm done!" Eri cheered, jumping up and down. "Aizawa-sensei, I finished my homework!" When she saw the sight of Deku though, Eri immediately forgot about work, and jumped right up into his arms. "Deku!! What are you doing here Deku!"
"I just wanted to visit you, Eri-chan!" Izuku laughed, holding the girl high into the air and twirling around. Deku did this often when he saw Eri, and she loved every minute of it; she always wondered how Deku could act like she weighed nothing at all!
"I finished my kanji homework Deku!! Can- can we have candy apples for my treat!"
Izuku burst out laughing kindly, "I'm so proud of you Eri-chan! I'm sorry though, I haven't brough candy apples this time. Next time, definitely though! I promise!"
"Do you pinky-promise?" Eri asked- she wasn't too bummed. After all, she'd already had her monthly fill of candy apples, so she wasn't expecting extras, even if it was from Deku.
"Mhm!" Izuku connected their pinkies, smiling brightly. Eri caught sight of Aizawa-san staring at Deku though- there seemed to be a slight frown etched on his face, as if he could see something wrong about him. Bakugou-san started talking to Aizawa-san, and his face only deepened in concern.
Eri was young, and Deku never told her, but she could recognise that Bakugou-san and Aizawa-san were concerned because of the weight Deku seemed to be carrying lately. Eri knew Deku had lost his quirk, and she remembers how red his eyes had been for days after, no matter what Aizawa and the class tried to do. Eri didn't quite understand why...she wouldn't ,mind being rid of her quirk, but to Deku-kun, it seemed like his quirk was important to him.
The young girl pondered it for a moment, chewing on her thoughts. Aizawa and Bakugou stepped out into another room, probably to discuss Deku further without him noticing, so Eri spat out her question when they left.
"Deku-san?" Eri asked tentatively, playing with her fingers. She still wasn't used to asking things so freely without repercussions, but well, with Deku especially...she knew he wouldn't mind.
"Yes, Eri-chan?"
"Um.." she looked away from his gaze, looking to the ground and up again. She didn't want Deku to be upset by the reminder, but- well, he had been brave for her too, all that time ago. So, Eri would be brave for him too. "Deku-san, um. Wouldn't you- I mean, couldn't I revive your quirk?"
Izuku's eyes widened, clearly shocked, but Eri kept rambling- if she stopped now, she'd never say the rest. "It's just- it's just that losing your quirk definee- definitely made you upset, and I don't want you to be upset! So...so, if I can help then...then.." she trailed off, unsure what to say. Izuku still hadn't said a word, but suddenly, Deku had embraced her in a hug.
Eri couldn't tell for sure, but she thought that he was crying. But Deku-san cried a lot, even when he was happy, so it was difficult to understand if he was happy or not.
"Tha-thank you Eri-chan. But, you've already helped me so much with your quirk, especially during the big fight last year...you saved me Eri, remember?" Izuku pulled away, patting her head lovingly. But Eri could tell he was still upset. He was still hurting. How could Eri make him stop hurting?
"And...oh, Eri, my quirk doesn't work like that. But, I'm happy you were willing to try for me."
"B-but, even if I were to reverse your quirk fah-faltor? Factor? Your quirk factor back to before you lost it-"
"Eri-chan." Midoriya smiled at her, but Eri could tell the smile was slowly being overcome by heartbreak. Had she made him more upset? Was- was she someone who hurt people after all? "Eri, I'm really really thankful. But, Eri-chan, my power isn't coming back sadly. I-I'm not really Deku the hero anymore."
But what does that mean? Deku was being silly! Of course he was still Deku! He was still warm and gave her really good hugs, and gave her candy apples, and she still felt as safe in his arms as she did the first time they met.
She told him as such. Tears were rolling down his scarred face, but a stubborn smile still stuck to his lips. Eri had read a cartoon book back when she was still with him. It was of a baby bear touching her brother bear's face when he was crying, trying to comfort him; back then, she couldn't understand it. How could touching someone ever be kind and loving? How could hands ever bring comfort, instead of pain?
But now, she understood. Deku and his friends, and Aizawa, and all the people at UA had taught her differently. So, with a bit of uncertainty, she took her hands, and enveloped Deku's face; it was a little rough from his scar, just like how her arms felt, but he was warm as always.
"You'll always be Deku! Even if you don't have a quirk!" Eri exclaimed seriously, looking intently into watery green eyes. "You're always going to be my hero! And you're gonna be the hero to lots of other kids like me too!"
"Oh, Eri. " Deku laughed wetly, hugging her tightly. He finally let the dam break, but not that Eri would realise. All she felt was warm and cosy, in the arms of her hero.
After all, to her, Deku could never be anything else.
Midoriya Izuku was always going to be her hero, and nothing would change that.