Not Like a Ham

by rockinellie

Summary:

Pomni thinks it would be nice to sleep with Jax, so she tries to sneak into his room to cuddle up. To her surprise, the door’s unlocked.

Takes place after Episode 5.

Can be read alone. Pomni's POV of "Like A Ham?"

Notes:

Pomni doesn’t like being touched but something’s different when it’s Jax.

Short and sweet, please enjoy a little light fluff.

Chapter 1: Sleepovers

The first time had been after a week or so of getting ‘close’. Which was really relative, wasn’t it? She wouldn’t have said she was particularly close to anyone in the circus, really, not yet. She liked some more than others (she was kind of particularly fond of Kinger after he’d helped her out) but ‘close’ was kind of a stretch. While they were all…fine…they weren’t really the type of people she’d associate with outside of this place. Which, like, was kind of irrelevant really.

Because there was no leaving this place, ever. And so these were her options, whether she liked it or not, and she’d just have to live with that or abstract with that.

Jax had crept up on her, that was really kind of the issue. Of course he had been mildly interesting from the jump, because why be a bully when your entire world was four people (now five, with her) and two AIs? But she hadn’t really taken notice of him in a positive light until their shift at Spudsy’s, and even then she’d been hesitant. And then he’d gone and messed her up. He’d gone and apologized. Not for anything big, really, and it meant more to her than to him she thought, but it had opened the door.

And then he’d waltzed right through, and she’d let him. Which was really, really stupid. Logically she understood that it was stupid. That this was not going to end well. That when he finally got tired of the new girl he’d dump her uncerimoniously on the floor and give her a good, swift, hard kick in the pants. And then she’d be alone, but even more so than now, because everyone would think she was like him. Because, well, she kind of was. Not like he was all the time, of course, she didn’t really like bullying the others, and she did consider them friends (in the way coworkers were friends).

But there were bits of him that felt genuine, pieces of him that slipped through the cracks of whatever mask he’d pulled on for whatever reasons he had. Those bits, those she liked.

And it seemed that he liked the part of her that liked the part of him, at least a little, because he’d let her in, too. Not a lot. Not anything super substantial. He wasn’t begging to be loved like Ragatha, and he didn’t have an open door policy with strong boundaries like Zooble. But he was interested, certainly, and she had let him in, and he’d made himself comfortable in her space, so to say.

So it was after a week that she found herself in the dead of night, in the unfortunate hallway they all shared. All of them. Every single person who had ever had the misfortune of putting on the headset. A reminder that while they were here, while part of them would always remain, they might not always be here. Pomni really tried not to think about it, ever, for fear it would freak her out bad enough to start something she’d rather never experience.

Luckily, Jax’s door was directly across from hers.

Pomni shifted on her feet, her slippers softer and quieter than her normal shoes, and tugged on her oversized shirt. Jax had commented, the first time he’d seen her pajamas, on what a disaster she was. He’d asked her if she was even a girl, and gestured at Ragatha and Gangle, who were much more feminine than she’d ever wanted to be. Of course, she didn’t really care what he thought about her fashion sense. Not that she’d picked her pajamas or any clothing she’d been forcibly put into since joining the circus.

But still, she felt kind of…unattractive. Which was silly, wasn’t it? Why did she need to be attractive here? For who? Certainly not for Jax. That would be insane.

It would be insane to think that he’d ever let anyone in permanently, and it would be insane to get emotionally attached, and it would be insane to think that he’d ever, ever entertain her. He seemed to dislike her style, her pleasant interactions with everyone else, and sometimes he froze up when she tried to play with him too much. So while he’d let her in, kind of, he was still kind of hard to read.

So who knew how this would go.

After a moment, she inhaled slowly, and put her hand on the doorknob. If the door was unlocked, good! Fine! She’d keep going. If it was locked she’d run back to her room and hide. It had been locked the last time.

This time the door eased open, and she slipped in when it was big enough for her to fit, shutting the door quietly behind her and waiting with her back against it as her digital eyes adjusted to the lighting in this part of the map. It came into focus slowly, as if rendering, but she knew things were just kind of weird sometimes. She willed her body to relax, reminded herself she was safe. Ragatha had been here years. There was no way the simulation would suddenly fail now that she was here. It was okay. She was okay.

Jax’s room was new to her. Kind of bold in a cartoony way, big plush bed, thick rug, comically large and curvy furniture. Like something out of an old Mickey Mouse cartoon. Big thick lines. It was kind of fun, which was a surprise to her. Nothing villainous at all, and it was rather neat. There were a few drawings taped to the mirror that was on top of his dresser, and there were some small tchotchkes here and there. She could see him in bed, curled up, his ears draped over his comically large pillow, big blanket pulled up around him so only the top of his head peeked out.

He was facing away from her, and she exhaled slowly, then inhaled again, and then padded as quiet as she could across the room.

The bed was soft under her hand. The blanket plush as she tugged it back. It dipped when she put a knee to it and hoisted herself up, with a soft grunt of effort from how high off the ground it was. Jax rolled over, one of his arms falling from his torso. So that when she slipped under the covers with him, she could sidle up against him, her waist on his outstretched arm. And she did just that, curling up against him, hesitatingly at first, then bolder when he didn’t stir. He shifted exactly once, when she laid her head on his shoulder and her warm breath brushed his exposed neck. Her hand snaked around his waist, and she was tight against him, feeling his warmth, knowing if he woke up she’d have to explain a lot about this.

The door was unlocked seemed like a lame excuse to the question of hey Pomni, what the hell?

But she hadn’t had a moment to spiral, because the moment she relaxed, she was out like someone had flipped a switch. And up until that moment she hadn’t slept so soundly in the circus. But now she had no dreams, no nightmares, no nothing. Just blissful black and then she was stretching out, blanket heavy on her body, pillow soft, bed plush, and she made a little noise as she stretched, arching her back. Only belatedly did she realize she was moving a lot and making a lot of noise and—

It didn’t matter. Because Jax wasn’t in bed. And when she hastily climbed out of his bed and ran to her room to change, he wasn’t in the bedroom at all. Or the hall. And her room was, as far as she could tell, untouched. Safe. Not booby trapped. No angry note.

But still, she was nervous as she walked into the main room, where she could hear everyone else already awake, enjoying the complimentary breakfast. Well, okay, all the meals were complimentary, but breakfast felt so hotel-like that she kind of had difficulty calling it anything else in her head.

Jax was on a couch with Gangle, and he was menacing her croissant with some jam as she whined that she hated strawberry, while Zooble was watching Ragatha talk with Kinger with a strange sort of attention that Pomni wasn’t sure how to place, just yet. Interest, for sure, but she wasn’t sure where they were heading with it. When she approached herself she noticed Jax’s eyes flick her way, before going back to Gangle’s teary face.

“Pomni!” Ragatha said, cutting herself off from whatever story she’d been telling Kinger, “Good morning! Did you sleep well?”

Jax didn’t look at her, but his body shifted, just a bit, so she knew his attention was on her. But what that meant, or if it was good or bad, was a mystery to her. Her stomach twisted from the uncertainty of it all, making her shift uncomfortably on her feet. Ugh, this was dumb. She wished he’d stayed and yelled at her. Or told her to knock it off. Or asked her to come back, maybe. No doubt she had been just as cuddled up to him in the morning as she had been when she’d fallen asleep.

”Uh,” She said, and then kind of grimaced as she admitted, “Great. Thanks. You?”

Jax’s ears perked up, and then he tossed Gangle her croissant. Pomni couldn’t help but notice that he hadn’t put jam on it, after all.

 

The second time, she’d eased into his unlocked door with less fear. The door was unlocked. He knew she’d come in last time. As far as she could tell, that was Jax’s way of letting her know it was okay. He was okay with this. This time he was curled up facing her, so that when she tugged the blankets back far enough to climb in with him, she could see his body. In pajamas startling similar to hers, only his were pink and yellow to her bold blue and red. After a moment of looking at him, dozing peacefully, all limb, she sat on the edge of his bed and then shifted backwards. She inched back until her back connected to his thin chest, and her hips slotted against his, so her legs rested on his, so they were every inch pressed together in a spooning position.

It felt nice. Too nice. She gently pulled one of his arms up, and draped it around her middle. She was nearly giddy when his hand gripped her and then tightened, pulling her so flush against him that she could feel everything through their thin pajamas.

“Oh,” She breathed, softly, without thinking. Jax stirred, but didn’t wake. Well, not all of him woke, anyway.

But the smell of him filled her senses, and combined with the soft warmth of him, and the plush bedding, well, she stood no chance at all. In the morning she woke up alone, but there was a cup of coffee on the nightstand, just how she took it.

 

“Hey, Pomni.”

Pomni had been laying in the grass, staring absently at the sky, wondering how many days it had been since she’d last slept well. Maybe four? Five? It wasn’t like she was exactly keeping count, but she was pretty sure it had been a while since her last trip across the hall. She’d been so lost in her own mind that she hadn’t really been paying attention to her surroundings, and Jax’s voice startled her out of her reverie. She sat up, surprised to see him outside.

”Uh, hey?”

Jax sat down near her, and then flopped back onto his back. The sky was half moon and stars, half bright and sunny. It met in the middle, drifted in and out of itself, blended into a sort of strange mix, as if one took two photos and then faded both so they overlapped. Pomni found it kind of interesting, even if it was also a tiny bit unsettling. Maybe she could ask for it to be evening, to recreate the stars she’d enjoyed a week or two ago.

But that would require her talking to Caine.

After a moment of silence, she fell back, too, and found that her fingers brushed Jax’s. She hadn’t realized he laid down so close to her. It was kind of a surprise that he didn’t pull away even as their fingers mingled together in the 8-bit grass. Not that she pulled away, either.

”Sky’s weird.”

”Yeah,” She said, “It is.”

”Do anything like this before?” Jax asked.

”Not a lot of star gazing in a city,” Pomni said, voice affectionate, “But if I had access to a sky like this, then sure, I would. What about you?”

”Nah.”

Pomni’s fingers brushed against his deliberately, and his hand shifted just enough that she held her breath in response. So he knew, he could definitely feel her, and he was allowing it. Her mind screamed at her to get a grip as her heart leapt in her throat and choked her. Not knowing what to say, she elected not to say anything at all. Then he’d sighed deeply and she turned her head to look at him. He was looking straight at the sky, but his fingers shifted again, returning her touch.

It was a good thing he hadn’t been talking, because her heart had been racing so loudly that she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to hear him over it, anyway.

”Sorry,” He said, and her eyes widened as he said, “I’m pretty tired lately.”

”Oh?”

”Dunno,” He shrugged, pulling his hand away. She tried not to be disappointed at the lack of contact. “Sleep’s been kind of weird. Feels like something’s missing. Would be real easier for me if that something found her way back to where she belongs.”

Pomni stared.

”Anyway. Have fun out here. I was just coming out to get some centipede friends for our favorite ragdoll.”

And with that, he got to his feet and strolled off, whistling a song that Pomni couldn’t begin to decipher. Not because she was unlikely to know it, she was pretty sure she’d be able to get it, but because her entire head was filled with one thought and one thought only:

He misses me.

 

The third time, Jax wrapped his arms around her when she slid into bed. Face to his chest, she nuzzled him softly, inhaled the scent of him, basked in his warmth, and for a moment she let the delirious thoughts take over. He wanted her, he missed her, this was fine. This was safe. She was allowed to like him. This friendship was super not going to blow up in her face and break her heart. This was a normal, platonic, even playing field, friendship. She cuddled all of her close friends.

Granted, she only ever had the one close friend. Both outside and in the circus. But nobody needed to know that. She’d just lie. Easy. She lied all the time. Mostly to herself, but still.

And maybe it was how soft the room was, or maybe it was how tired she was, or maybe it was that her body finally, finally relaxed when she was in bed with someone else. But she was pretty sure that time, he gave her a little petting. Soft, gentle, no asking for ‘more’, just good, platonic, totally platonic, no really, definitely, definitely platonic petting.

And maybe she was stupid, and maybe this was a problem, actually. Maybe it was a problem that she woke up in his bed like it was her own, and easily climbed down, and took the mug of coffee that mysteriously showed up on the nightstand again, as she padded across the hall to her own room, mind filled with thoughts of him. Maybe she was going to get her heart broken. Maybe this was a game to him. Maybe he had never cared, never would care.

But none of that mattered, because when she slipped into her bedroom to get ready for breakfast, there was a single gold key laying on her bed, with a slip of paper under it.

Gonna start locking the door, so you’ll need this.

Chapter 2: Lapse in Judgment

Summary:

Pomni has a momentarily lapse in judgment that almost ruins this whole ‘thing’ between her and Jax.

Notes:

Wasn’t expecting to write a chapter 2, but you know, sometimes these things get away from us.

Please enjoy!

The night was soft and heavy, the sort of night that crept up on someone and made them miss things they shouldn’t be thinking about. There was no point, because there was no going back. It didn’t matter if she missed her one bedroom apartment, or the neighbor that blasted the radio at six in the morning on Saturdays so he could sweep his porch, for some reason. It didn’t matter if she yearned to sit at her desk and punch numbers and balance the books. It didn’t matter if she missed the shitty coffee she’d get from the sad little hut on the way to work. Or the take out from the Italian place down the road that had a B+ health inspector rating.

None of it mattered, because she was never going to go home. Ever.

It was nights like these that she eased herself out of her brightly colored bed and peeked into the hallway. And when she was certain she was alone, she’d pad out into the hallway, and then cross the few feet to his door. And, using her key, she’d unlock it and ease herself in. Cross the room. Crawl under his covers with him.

And he was always ready for her, no matter when she came. He’d shift and let her curl into him. Sometimes it seemed second nature. He didn’t even seem to wake up, just make room for her as if she belonged there. As if he didn’t have to think about it at all, because she was a fixture in his space like his furniture was. Or the drawings, no doubt from Gangle, tacked to his mirror. She liked it best when he didn’t wake up, because she could pretend that the budding feelings in her were reciprocated.

That the reason he was ready for her at all hours, no matter what, the reason he let her into his bed, was because she meant just as much to him as he kind of, sort of, maybe meant to her. Which was stupid, because she knew better than this. But something about how he did things made her start to think…

In any case, tonight was one of those nights, but tonight he woke up, a little, when she slid under the covers.

”Knew you couldn’t stay away tonight,” Jax mumbled into her hair, wrapping arms around her. His breath was warm on her bangs, reminding her that he was still living. And by that logic, so was she.

“Oh yeah?” Pomni asked, a smile in her voice.

”Yeah, you hate the horror ones.”

”Ugh, I don’t get why he insists on horror,“ Pomni shook her head, laughing softly when he spluttered at her hair rubbing his face.

Jax gave her a warning squeeze, so she settled down, resting one of her own hands on his waist. He felt thin and easy to manhandle, and she absently rubbed her thumb over his stomach, her own twisting when he shuddered involuntarily. Neither of them said anything about it, even as she tilted her head up a bit, so her breath brushed the front of his throat. The hand on her back tightened briefly, and then his thumb rubbed against her shoulder blades.

Pomni’s breath hitched in her throat, and then she leaned in a little bit, so her face and mouth grazed under his chin.

“Better now..?” Jax asked, and she felt he was giving her an out. She could stop this now, if she wanted to.

She didn’t want to.

”Jax?”

Maybe instinctively, he looked down at her. And, like an idiot, she pressed her mouth to his. The hand on her waist tightened, his mouth pressed back against hers, and then he shoved her. So hard that she flew out of his bed and hit the floor with a horrible thump. Body smarting and heart hurting, she sat up, rubbing her behind with one hand, wincing.

”What the hell?”

Jax was breathing hard, and his head poked over the side of his bed, glaring hotly at her, eyes wide, pupils small, teeth bared. Oh, he was pissed. So maybe she’d overstepped a bit, but come on, he gave her a key to his place! Cuddled her! It wasn’t exactly a leap of logic to think he was into her!

”What was that?” Jax snapped.

”A lapse in judgment,” Pomni grumbled, curling her legs under herself. His eyes roamed over her body, and she felt scrutinized and small and ugly. She wasn’t fond of the feeling. “You didn’t need to shove me so hard. A simple ‘no thanks’ would have worked just as well.”

”No thanks,” He spat, “There, now get out.”

”Get out?”

”Get out! I don’t want you here! I don’t want you at all!” Jax’s breathing was ragged, breaking out between his words, clustered together as if he couldn’t quite get enough air, as if she had his chest in her hands and was squeezing him as hard as she could. “You’re such an idiot, as if I’d ever, as if we could ever—“

Pomni watched him heave breaths into his body, hands digging into his mattress, eyes unfocused and clouded. Right now the only thing she could feel was pain and anxiety, mixed with the annoying, clinging feeling of some part of her going no, wait. Eventually, his attention flicked back to her, still on his floor, in her stupid, too-big pajamas, and she flinched a bit from how venomous his tone was as he snarled at her.

”Get out. Now!”

“Look, I’m sorry if I—“

”Now!”

Pomni scrambled to her feet and rushed out of there, not wanting to fight him in this state. They could argue in the morning, or whenever she got him alone again. Humiliated and angry, alone in the hall, she leaned against his door, sighing. And then she noticed Ragatha, half out of her own door, looking sheepish and guilty and so embarrassed that Pomni almost apologized to her before she realized she hadn’t actually done anything.

”I’m so sorry,” Ragatha said, nervously, “I just heard the commotion and thought that maybe Jax was in trouble! I didn’t know you two were, uh, you know. I’ll just let you get back to it, then.”

”We aren’t,” Pomni said, her whole body on fire. Oh, goodie. She loved that Ragatha knew now.

“Uh, but you—“

”Can we not do this out here? Come on.”

Pomni gestured for Ragatha to follow her, and Ragatha hesitated for a brief moment and then stepped into the hall, shutting her door behind her. They crossed to Pomni’s room and Pomni held the door open for her, so that she could step inside beside her. Once thy were both inside, Pomni shut the door and crossed her room to sit on the edge of her bed, feet dangling over the side, not touching the floor, reminding her that she was not herself. Gloved hands rested on white knees and she willed herself not to cry in front of the one person who she knew would never let it go.

”Um,” Ragatha eased herself onto the bed beside her, not close enough to touch, but close enough that Pomni could see her lavender nightgown in the edge of her vision.

Ragatha’s pajamas were pretty, like a princess gown for little girls but grown up. Maybe something vintage, but Pomni wasn’t huge on fashion of any era so she couldn’t be sure. Feminine, dainty, fussy. Just like Ragatha herself. How much of them was represented through the clothing they were assigned?

”Do you…want to talk about it?”

”I really don’t,” Pomni said, “It was my fault.”

”I don’t think that’s true.”

”You don’t even know what happened.”

Ragatha’s voice was nervous and shy as she hummed and then said, “No, I guess not. But I know Jax pretty well, and we’re friends. Aren’t we?”

Pomni opened her mouth, but Ragatha laughed sharply and continued on, cutting her off.

”Of course we are! I just mean, um, that I know you both. And if you’re having a bit of a lover’s spat, then, um, I don’t believe it’s your fault.”

”Well, thanks. But we aren’t having a lovers spat, because we aren’t lovers.”

Ragatha turned, then, and Pomni glanced at her. Her expression made it incredibly clear that she didn’t believe her. Fair. If Pomni caught Ragatha yelling with him in his bedroom, in their pajamas, clearly upset, it would be hard to believe her saying it wasn’t romantic, too. Pomni sighed, drawing her legs up, wrapping her arms around them.

”I know how it looks.”

”It’s okay,” Ragatha said, soothingly, “We all make mistakes! I mean, who hasn’t thought about falling in love…and when your choices are so limited, it’s totally normal to feel things that you normally would never feel, because it’s just not who you are!”

Pomni had been kind of following her little speech, at first. But by the end she got the distinct feeling that this didn’t have anything to do with her.

”Uh, well,” Pomni said, slowly, “I think we just misunderstood each other. Maybe. He’s kind of a dick, that’s all.” And then she groaned and shoved her face into her knees, “I just got ahead of myself, I guess.”

Ragatha’s hand brushed over her back, and then rested there, soothing and warm, and she said softly, “It’s okay. Um, I’ve never— he doesn’t let people in.”

”I know.”

”But,” Ragatha paused, and her voice was soft but strained as she added, “He let you in. So maybe give him a little time? I think he’ll come around.”

Pomni wasn’t sure that was true, but she also didn’t know it wasn’t true. So maybe he did need some time, and even if he didn’t, all they had was time. There was no choice. No avoiding him. They’d just have to live with what she’d done, and how he’d reacted. Great.

 

It was late now, and she was laying on her bed, staring at the striped canopy, trying very hard not to think about the haunted house they’d spent their day in. She’d been buried alive for a moment there, before Ragatha could dig her out. She had hated it, but Caine had insisted that it was a ‘Southern Californian thing’ and that she should probably just ‘go line up for the In-N-Out before they had to resort to Weinerschnitzel instead’. Whatever any of that meant.

She wished she could go to Jax’s room and sleep with him, so she wouldn’t keep imagining the inside of a casket when she closed her eyes. But he still wasn’t talking to her.

Jax was avoiding her. Okay, well, he was avoiding everyone. He’d sulk on adventures and dip the moment they got back. When she tried to approach him, he’d ignore her and walk away. At first she was upset, but now she was kind of resigned to it. What could she do? He didn’t want to talk. It wasn’t like she could beat herself up forever, either. That wasn’t fair. She’d misunderstood the signals he was giving, anyone would have been confused in her position. Everything, and she really felt everything, pointed to him being into her.

She was just debating on getting up and going for a stroll instead of laying in bed when the sound of a key in her door made her hair stand on end. For one, terrifying, horrible moment she thought that it might be Caine. Or that guy that owned the haunted house. But the shadow that cast across her room had big, stupid bunny rabbit ears. And instead of being relieved, or being happy he was finally coming around, she felt kind of annoyed.

It hadn’t been fair of him to lash out so thoroughly. It hadn’t been fair that he’d made her feel so alone and confused and hurt for so many days. And it wasn’t fair, now, to waltz back into her bedroom and her life like he was allowed to do that. And it wasn’t very fair of him to shut her door behind him and saunter across her bedroom.

Pomni sat up on her elbow, watching him, unimpressed. Jax didn’t stop walking until his legs brushed the side of her bed, where he stilled and looked down at her, all serious tonight. And then he leaned down, over her, so close she had to fall on her back, head to her pillow, to avoid their faces touching. But still he came, hands lowering to either side of her, and he stopped just a breath away from her, so close that she blushed and her heart raced. If she didn’t know any better, she thought he might kiss her.

”Jax?” She asked.

”Are you going to scoot over, or do I have to move you myself?” He asked her, mouth close enough to hers that she could feel his breath on her lips.

Which was really weird, wasn’t it? What the hell kind of game was he playing with her? Why all this, why so close, why come to her room? Unless…well, unless he felt the same way she did and he just didn’t really know what to do from here on out considering his behavior over the week or so. Although why he’d react like that if he did like her was beyond her. After a moment she rolled her eyes and scooted over. Jax tugged the blankets back and slipped under them.

Pomni tried not to be obvious, but she definitely shied away from him, her body tense and she was certain that she looked anxious. When she didn’t get closer to him, even after a tense minute, one of his hands reached out and grabbed her. She didn’t fight him, even as he dragged her across her bed and straight up against him, so her face was pressed to his chest.

”Jax?” Pomni said, voice muffled until she managed to pull her head back far enough that she could peer up at him curiously.

”Shh, sleeping.”

”What are you doing here?”

”Doing you a favor,” Came the cocky reply.

“Elaborate.”

”I just thought you'd want some company after that adventure today.”

Pomni held her breath, and then she wrapped her arms around him and shoved her face into his chest, letting out a choked little sob. After a moment, Jax’s other hand came down and rested on her head. It was just like before, sort of, only now he knew where she stood and she felt a lot less secure in their friendship.

The hand on her head gave her a gentle little stroke, and the hand on her back squeezed her. A sort-of apology. A sort-of admission that he couldn’t be without her any more than she could be without him.

”You shouldn’t leave my key out,” He told her, after a moment, “Who knows what Gangle would do if she found it, the freak.”

Pomni sniffled, “Why are you sneaking into my room?”

She’d left his key on top of her dresser days ago, and had happily noticed it had never been taken. Which had meant one of two things: either he didn’t bother to come into her room since the whole kiss fiasco, or he had seen it and had not bothered to take it back, because he always intended on making up with her. At the time it had felt kind of silly to feel a little surge of hope when she saw it still on her dresser when she woke up or came ‘home’. But now she realized she knew him better than she’d thought she did.

Jax clicked his tongue and said, “And if I never snuck into your room, I’d be playing favorites, Pomni. Can’t be seen doing that, or people might start to talk.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” Pomni agreed, sighing softly and relaxing against him again. Her head rested under his chin, and her body curled instinctively against his, so they were pressed rather securely together. Okay, so they were just going to pretend nothing had happened. She could live with that. Now that she knew romance was a non-starter, she could certainly keep any notion of that to herself.

”Nah,” Jax said, “Not yet.”

Pomni tensed up, mind racing, heartbeat picking up despite herself. Not yet implied maybe someday. Which kind of made it seem as if he might, well…as if it wasn’t as one-sided as she’d kind of been feeling lately. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk feelings. Or maybe he didn’t know how to talk feelings. Or maybe he just missed sleeping in bed with someone and cuddling. Touching another person was grounding and comforting in a way that couldn’t be replicated. She knew the last week had been agonizing for her, she couldn’t imagine how much it sucked for him, too.

The hand on her head slid down her soft sleeping hat, and wound a finger around one of the tails, hesitating for a moment before tugging it, so her head tilted back. She made a noise of surprise and complaint, but really she was feeling some kind of way about the sudden and jerky movement. Which of course he could tell, because her face betrayed her in this world— she was much more expressive here than she had ever been in life.

He gave her flushed cheeks a once over, before his gaze settled on her half-lidded eyes, and then, before she could stammer out some kind of apology for kissing him, he kissed her. Right on her forehead.

”Wha—“ She began, but he cut her off by kissing her mouth, next.

And then he was rolling her onto her back, and his tongue was in her mouth, and she was digging her fingers into his back and pulling him down so their bodies fit together just right. Which was pretty crazy, considering their sizes were so strange. But she wasn’t about to question the feeling of perfection that feeling him against her produced, she was just going to roll with it. He had kissed her, and now he was pinning her against her bed; he’d come to her, he’d missed her, he’d (basically) apologized. They’d work on it.

But for the moment, she was going to savor the feeling of belonging and worry about the rest later.

Notes:

Title is a reference to the American “The Office” show where Dwight asks Pam what he should get Angela as a gift, and he eventually asks “Like a ham?” and Pam says something like “no, not like a ham.” He ends up gifting Angela a key to his place.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Knock Knock