Chapter Text
Spock always felt out of place.The first ever half-Vulcan half-Human child. Such a combination could not possibly mean that he would live an easy life. Since he was a little child he tried to belong, tried to be a “perfect vulcan”. Emotionless, logical, efficient, things which his father wanted him to be. But how could he fulfill his expectations? His human side would not let him be his father’s dream. Seeing father’s disappointed look whenever he showed a little bit of his human nature haunted Spock in his worst nightmares, nightmares that he shouldn't have. Nightmares that Vulcans do not have.
His mother, his human mother. She comforted his human side but was unable to understand his need to be a true vulcan. She is a wonderful mother, caring, loving, understanding. Those things make Spock feel even worse for not being grateful enough for her presence.
His parents love him. Both of them in their own unique way. He loves them too, of course. However, he cannot stay with them on Vulcan, he was destined for something else. Something for people like him. People who try to find their purpose, their calling. It looks like Spock's calling is Starfleet. An organization for everyone, a place where he might find someone who would understand him. Not the Spock of Vulcan, not the Spock of Earth, but Spock. Just Spock. Some time later he might actually find someone like this.
“You seem lost in thought today, Mr. Spock,” Jim said as he made his next move on the chess board. Tonight they were playing in Jim’s quarters, both pretty tired after a long shift - or to be exact - after a long month of neverending away missions, contacts with never-seen-before hostile species and Federation political affairs.
“Why, captain, your tactic today seems to be the most illogical one,” Spock replied with a raised eyebrow and a concentrated look on his face. Jim couldn’t help himself but find this look endearing. Those thoroughly groomed eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes complemented by violet eyeshadow and the dimly lit room made him look extremely handsome.
He got really close with Spock in the last year. Their relationship was pretty restrained in the beginning of their five-year mission, with Spock finding everything and everyone on his ship illogical and emotional and Jim himself being the best example of these two “qualities”. But they succeeded in finding a common ground. For example, their regular chess sessions became a crucial part of their week. Something they looked forward to.
“Since I am winning, Mr. Spock, this most illogical tactic proves to be working,” Jim chuckled and sent a little smirk his way. Slightly green color appeared on his cheeks and on the pointy tips of his ears. Jim mentally shook himself and tried to concentrate on the game. It cannot be that Spock would feel the same about him as Jim did about Spock? Of course not, it's his mind tricks again. Spock is a Vulcan, half-Vulcan, but still raised like a Vulcan who thinks as such. Jim cannot and shouldn't let his human feelings ruin their - relatively new - harmonic working relationship. He is probably just making Spock uncomfortable with his remarks. This thought made him think about the latest discussion he had with Bones.
“Mr. Spock, when was the last time you took a shore leave?” Jim uttered while making his next move, trying to look unbothered. However Jim could make a pretty good guess what Spock's reaction would be.
“I am in no need of shore leave, captain, I am functioning adequately and may I remind you that vulcans do not need as much rest as humans do,” Spock replied with his usual stoic expression.
“And since, I suppose, this sudden mention of shore leave was caused by doctor McCoy’s habit of keeping us away from our duties for as long as it is possible, I must remind you that it is not that long since both you and I took our shore leaves.”
Jim could see that he was right about how would Spock feel about all of this. Spock would never admit this, however, if you spend enough time with him, especially as much time as Jim had, it is safe to say that there are signs to look for when trying to understand what Spock feels. Slightly furrowed eyebrows that make a few small wrinkles visible on his forehead, hard look in his eyes, pursed lips only so little that it is nearly impossible to catch. But Jim takes pleasure in noticing even the smallest details about Spock, about Spock’s expressions, about his tone when he is excited, when he is uncertain, about the way he is holding his body.
“We have nothing important planned for the next few days, everyone on this ship deserves time to rest, even more so after this month, us not being an exception,” Jim replied, suddenly finding a few days of quiet, somewhere not on Enterprise, really tempting. Jim could see Spock thinking.
“Well captain, in this case, it is in everyone’s, who is currently on this ship, best interest to advise you to take a few days off. There should be a planet, in some aspects very similar to Earth, on our current course. You shall make doctor McCoy very happy with your decision to rest for a while. There is even a possibility that he would, as you humans say, leave me alone and let me tend to my duties.“
Jim could not help himself but laugh at Spock’s way of saying that him not protesting Bones’s advice about taking some time off might result in a few days of peace.
One look in Spock’s confused eyes, most certainly a result of his sudden outburst, and a dangerous thought came to life in his head.
“Actually, Mr. Spock, I thought that you could come with me,” Jim could not find enough courage in himself to look at Spock’s probably annoyed, or worse, disgusted face. How could he so easily slip? Now Spock will think of him as some type of loner who needs to take his first officer on vacation with him. He heard Spock clear his throat, this made him look up.
“I think… I think that would be acceptable… captain,” Spock replied with no disgust or annoyance visible on his face. Only a slight confusion and something Jim has yet to learn its meaning.
“Meet me here, at my quarters, tomorrow evening, at 2030 hours and we will discuss details,” Jim replied, not giving Spock enough time to reconsider his answer.
“Very well, captain, I shall proceed to my quarters and get ready for my morning shift.”
Spock was nearly out of Jim’s room.
“Good night, captain,” He said just as he walked out of the door. Jim smiled to himself and started to clean up the chess. “Good night, Mr. Spock,” Jim whispered to the now empty feeling room.