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"And you forgive him? Just like that?"
Sanji likes Usopp's workshop in the Sunny. It's dark in a way that's not suffocating. Silent apart from Usopp's mutterings to himself as he works. Warm, cozy. Shielded from the outside world. A small pocket of familiarity.
Usopp looks up from his latest invention that he was tinkering with and hums questioningly. Sanji stays silent and lights up his cigarette, letting his words sink in.
Understanding dawns on the other man's face. He shrugs. "I guess so, yeah."
In an unconcious gesture, Usopp's fingers drift over his work table. The furniture in the room were all made by the wood salvaged from Merry, way before it was burnt and sent to the bottom of the sea. It wasn't the sturdiest piece of furniture; compared to the magnificent creature that is the Sunny, this room and all that it contains should feel fragile. Fragile like a good night's kiss, like a thread about to snap. But Usopp touches the carving of a sheep's head on the table's surface with infinite care and Sanji sees that it's not fragile at all. It holds love. It holds care. It holds strength.
Usopp smiles. "He's a good man."
Franky had created him a home inside a place that wasn't home just yet. Sanji thinks of the cyborg's hands, huge and careful, tracing the Merry's deck. Thinks of the heart one must have to do something that holds such tremendous weight and meaning.
If he squints, Sanji can still see traces of the bruises that were caused by the shipwright's same hands, huge and callous, on Usopp's face. And maybe it isn't his battle to fight, or even the right opponent to fight against, but he still feels a flicker of rage deep in his soul. Still aches to remedy the pain that their sharpshooter went through, eventhough he knows that it runs deeper than just the hammering of fists against his body. That night in the sea train, Usopp had told him not to hurt Franky, that he was not an enemy. But even now, in the corner of his mind, there lies an urge to pummel the cyborg to the ground despite seeing how good, how kind of a man he was. There was something in him screaming, thrashing, then who will shoulder this burden? Who is the cause of all this pain, all this grief? What will I do with all this rage, when there is no one who deserves to take the brunt of it?
"Okay," he says, and leaves it at that.
Franky calls him 'bro', and Sanji hates it.
To be fair, Franky calls everyone bro. Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, the fruit vendor they meet in an island, and even his gadgets. It's not like he means anything by it particularly. It's just a friendly way of addressing someone. He knows this and yet, he hates it.
Because he was a brother once. The word didn't bring anything but pain and humiliation. He wanted brothers once, maybe. Wanted to be loved by them, wanted to be accepted. But not anymore. Vinsmoke Sanji, beloathed brother and son, died in the Rock that day.
Blackleg Sanji rose from the ashes of a boy that once craved the warmth of his family. That boy is no more, but all the hurt he endured stay tattooed on his skin as scars. He once remembers someone with blue hair that called him brother like it was a slur, like it was filth in his tongue. Now Franky calls him the same with a smile and he must be mocking him, he surely must, because he saw what he was once capable of. He saw the bruises Usopp obtained just for his sin of being weak. He won't forget. He can't forget.
In his head, he bares his teeth and snarls, I am nobody's brother. And so the corpse of Vinsmoke Sanji rots.
The nightmares start soon after.
He had escaped long Germa long before adulthood. In his dreams, Niji, young and cruel, grows. Grows and warps. Kicks him to the ground, laughing, you really think you can escape us? Niji grows and suddenly, in Niji's place stands Franky. Usopp is dead by his feet. Merry is burning. All he can do is watch, scream stuck in throat. You will never be free.
He hates them. The nightmares make him irritable and jumpy and he is aware that he is taking it out on Franky for absolutely no reason. Logically, he knows that Franky is not Niji in disguise. He knows that he's not going to kill Usopp. This is the man who cried because he stepped on a snail, and then proceeded to make a miniature casket for it to be buried in. They had a funeral for the snail, for fuck's sake. This man would not be killing anyone in the Merry. He knows this. He knows.
And yet.
He curses his stupid brain under his breath and pounds the bread dough harder than strictly necessary into the counter. This is the third time he had woken up because of a Franky-Niji related nightmare, and he was already sick of the pattern.
"Sanji-bro?"
Sanji stiffens. Speak of the speedo-wearing pervert and he shall appear.
Franky pads inside the kitchen, yawning. "You seem pretty tense, little bro. Nightmare?"
Before he can stop himself, he lashes out, quick as a whip. "It's none of your fucking business. Piss off."
Fuck.
He sags against the counter, screwing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that."
He knows exactly why he said that, but he didn't mean to say it out loud. The lack of sleep must've started getting to him.
"Whoa. I caught you in a real bad time, huh?"
Sanji blinks open his eyes blearily. Franky was looking at him with his eyebrows raised, with none of the rage or annoyance he expected to see in the other man's face. He looked like he did every other time Sanji had snapped at him; surprised and maybe even a little concerned.
God. He might be a terrible person.
"No, just," he falters, and sighs. "Just come in. Do you want anything to eat or drink? It's your watch now, right?"
Franky takes the invite and plops down on a dining table chair. "I am kinda hungry, I won't lie. A grilled cheese would be superrrrr now. Only if it isn't too much trouble, of course."
Even if he had asked him to cook a five course meal, Sanji gladly would've made it; anything to make up for being such a piece of shit to him the past few days. A grilled cheese is nothing.
He covers the ball of dough carefully with a cloth and pats his hands on his apron to get rid of the flour on them. "One grilled cheese, coming right up."
Franky was someone who existed in a constant state of motion. Even silences shared with him seemed to be buzzing with something desperate to be heard. Sanji tries not to pay any mind to the sound of his legs shaking rapidly to rid whatever restless energy they held. Tries, being the keyword. He is not someone who minds noise. You can't be someone who hates sound and is a part of the Strawhat crew at the same time. But the constant tap, tap, tap of Franky's foot tapping the floor, the faint whistling sound he was making were getting to him. He was beginning to feel restless, too. Pent up with the urge to say something to break the silence.
In the end, it's Franky who does the honours. "Bro, you can totally tell me off if you don't want to talk about this, but I've been noticing that you haven't been sleeping well recently."
Sanji clenches his teeth around his cigarette, but remains silent.
Franky takes this as an invitation to continue, and says, "I was the one who brought all the mattresses and blankets for the Sunny, as you know. I decided to buy satin sheets for everyone 'cause I read somewhere that it's good for the skin but mostly because Usopp-bro's hair needs that kind of care, yanno? The point is, satin sheets might be super for the hair and skin, but it can be a real nuisance when you're having nightmares and stuff. When you have a nightmare you sweat a lot, right? Well, at least I do. So I thought maybe you're not sleeping 'cause the satin sheets make you feel like a wet fish after you've woken up from a nightmare and brought you some 100% cotton sheets. Don't worry, I put them in wash so that they're not scratchy at all!"
Then, he pauses and frowns thoughtfully. "Wait, maybe the sheets aren't the problem? Is it the mattress? If you're more comfortable sleeping in a hammock, just say the word, bro. I'll build you a SUPERRRR one, nothing like those flimsy things that fall if you jump on it once -"
Sanji looks at Franky. Really looks at him, probably for the first time. His huge hands were waving around in the air animatedly as he expressed his distaste for poorly made hammocks very explicitly. How ridiculous, that he imagined those hands take the life of his loved ones. How ridiculous that he compared this goof of a man, who was sitting in his kitchen and coming up with a million different ways to remedy his lack of sleep, to someone so cruel and inhuman.
His mouth ticks up in a smile when he sees Franky's pompadour, always coiffed to perfection, sag on his head like it too, was sleepy. He can't help but mutter to himself, "It's not even the same shade of blue. Fuck's sake."
That snaps the shipwright out of his rant. He blinks. "What was that, bro?"
"Nothing," he flips the grilled cheese onto a plate and walks to the table. "Your food's done. Eat up."
Franky lightens up and brings his hands over his head, ready to yell his signature phrase, but cowers when he sees the glare screaming don't you dare on Sanji's face. He still does his ridiculous pose but lowers his voice significantly before whispering, "Superrrrr! Thanks for the grub, bro."
Sanji waves him off and takes a seat beside him on the table. Something bright pokes around his chest, looking around as if to see if there's still space to take. Sanji takes a deep drag of his cigarette, and lets the light in.
"Oi, Franky. I don't want the hammock." The shipwright's face is quick to fall, even as he nods in understanding. But Sanji barrels forward. "I'll take the blanket, though."
Franky grins. "YOW! SUPERRRRRR!"
"Shut it! You're gonna wake the whole crew!"
Even after Luffy recruiting someone as a crew member, there are two things they need to do to be fully considered a part of the crew. It's less of a necessity and more of a tradition of sorts. One is a full body check-up done by Chopper and the other is The Galley Talk with Sanji.
It's a stupid name that Usopp came up with, and Sanji has let him know how stupid it is multiple times. But the stupid name stuck, and now that's what they call Sanji taking time to talk to a crew member about their food preferences, likes and dislikes right after they join the crew.
Officially, he had one with Franky already where he made a note of his allergies and dislikes. He might not have been overly fond of the guy, but he was the Strawhats' chef first. And if Luffy says Franky is a part of the crew, then he is a part of the crew. He will not give any of the crew subpar food, or worse, food that they might be allergic to, no matter how much they annoy him (see: Zoro).
But the morning after their talk when Franky comes to eat his breakfast far later than everyone else, he decides to redo The Galley Talk (yuck) again, this time without the barely concealed irritation in his words.
"So your favourite food is hamburgers with fries, and favourite drink cola?" At the hum and nod he gets, he jots it down on his notepad. "Alright, do you have anything that's a hard no to be used as a patty? Like, are you cool with me using any kind of meat for it?"
Franky chews his food, thoughtful. He thankfully swallows the food before saying, "Nah, I don't think so. But hmm. I tried a fish burger once and it sucked ass. I'm not sure if it was the burger that sucked or if I just don't like fish patty, though."
Sanji notes that down, too. Then, he smirks. "I'm taking that as a challenge. I'll make you fish burgers so good that you won't be able to think of anything else for a week."
Franky laughs. "If it'll be even half as good at these pancakes, then I'll look forward to it. Do you have more of these, by the way? I swear I can't stop eating them."
Sanji snickers and moves to the stove. "There's plenty. Give me a second, I'll make some fresh ones for you."
"Awesome! Thanks, Sanji-bro!"
He asks Franky a few more questions after placing a heap of steaming hot pancakes on his plate. After he finishes asking all that he wanted to, he takes a seat at the table and simply watches the other man eat. The same satisfaction that comes with seeing the crew enjoy his food warms his chest.
When Franky finishes his food and smacks his lips contently, Sanji can't be help but be curious. "Oi, Franky. You run on cola, right?"
Franky blinks, surprised at the random question. "Yep, I do."
The next part is harder to ask. He's not sure if it's rude or if its even any of his business. Oh, well. He started it, might as well get it over with. "Do you even need to eat food?"
If Franky's thrown off by the question, he doesn't show it. He answers it without hesitating. "I do have to eat, of course! I need cola for my mechanical parts to function. And that's very important, considering even my heart is running with the help of said mechanical parts." He pauses, and frowns as if reconsidering his question. "But I don't need food as much as you guys do, I guess? I need to eat to get all my nutrients and stuff, but technically I can survive on cola alone for a good while."
Before he can ask why he doesn't just do that, Franky scrunches his face up and responds like he already knows what he is going to ask. "Which I won't do, because eugh. Don't get me wrong, I love cola, cola is great. But I do not want to live on just cola. That's boring. And terrible. I can't imagine living without eating. Where's the fun is that? Food is important, you know this better than anyone, bro. What's life without food?"
Sanji sucks in a breath too fast and almost chokes on it. What's life without food? he asks so simply, like that very mentality isn't what made his life in Germa a living hell. This was the same man who could've taken out his tear glands if he wanted, if he thought crying was a sign of weakness and a waste of time. This was the man who chose to get emotional at the smallest of things and cry his eyes out. Of course he thinks food is not a waste of time.
I really got you all wrong, huh, he thinks, but doesn't say. Saying them out loud would make them hollow, meaningless. Instead, he talks in the only way he knows how.
"Go ask Usopp to catch some fish. We're having fish burgers for lunch today."
"Sanji-bro! There you are!"
Sanji pulls Robin's cardigan closer and squints at the cyborg. "No, Franky, I do not want to see your nipple lights. Or any other equally disturbing upgrades."
Franky laughs like he just made the funniest joke possible. Sanji's lips quirk up, a warm flame igniting in his chest. He would never admit it, but he missed the stupid cyborg that always made him feel funnier than he actually was, and his stupid laugh. He had missed them all.
Franky had always been big, but now he seemed huge. The bulk of his body could probably be used to make two Sanji's comfortably. It should've looked jarring and unnatural, but it just looks like… him. The same boisterous, stupid cyborg that saved Robin-chan in Enies Lobby and spent nights wondering how to make him sleep better. All of them have spent the past two years working on themselves to become their best self, but on Franky, he could almost see all that he went through to make himself better. The faint scars zig-zagging up his skin from where his new prosthetic legs have been fitted, the giant forearms that hid guns that he probably worked on for months to perfect, and if he strained to hear, the mechanical whirring that came from his body whenever he moved, spoke more than words could ever cover about the years they spent apart. He was probably more metal than he was flesh and blood now.
Sanji almost asks him if he still feels pain. Almost, because in the end he decides it doesn't really matter. He can see the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes after laughing at Sanji's stupid quip. He saw the way he devoured the food the put in his plate while moaning praises about his cooking, saw the way he licked his fingers and plates clean. In the end, it doesn't really matter if he feels pain or not, because he has already seen that Franky feels everything else just as vividly as he does, if not even more so. It doesn't matter if he feels pain or not, because Sanji has been learning, slowly, slowly, ever since he joined the Strawhats that humanity does not have to be synonymous to suffering. It is not misery that makes you human. It is the way you stand up despite it all and dare to laugh that does.
"Okay, you caught me, I do want to show you an upgrade of mine," at seeing the warning glare on his face, Franky raises his hands placatingly. "It's nothing weird, I promise! I think you'll love this one, actually."
Sanji raises an eyebrow and takes a drag of his cigarette. "I doubt I could love anything about you. My love is reserved only for the ladies, not shitty cyborgs," he must be going soft, or perhaps he missed the shipwright way too much, because he finds himself adding, "But it wouldn't hurt to look, I guess."
Franky grins and wastes no time launching into an explanation. "Do you remember the cooler in my abdomen? Superrrr handy, I really was onto something when I initially made the decision to add the upgrade. You might also remember that I couldn't really keep anything else in it other than my cola, which was a damn shame."
Sanji sighs. "Get to the point, Franky."
"Right, yes! So I was sitting around designing some super sweet upgrades for myself when I thought, hey, you know what I should do? Make the cooler bigger!" He then taps the side of his torso, opening the cooler that was, true to his word, way larger and better than it first was. Sanji can't help but be impressed. "Sweet, eh?"
"Cool, yeah," he hums around his cigarette "but what does that have to do with me, though?"
Franky laughs and gives him a playful shove that makes him stumble. "Oh, bro, you know it has everything to do with you! The upgrade is for you, of course!"
Huh? His confusion must've showed in his face, because Franky shakes his head, smiling fondly. Sanji feels the affection in that like a golf ball to his face.
"When we go on really long treks in uninhabited islands, you always pack such huge lunches for us. And I've seen you worrying about the food going bad whenever the island's weather is too humid. Or sometimes, you don't say it but I know you worry about letting us go exploring alone just in case we get stuck somewhere without food for a while. To make sure you don't have to worry so much anymore, I made the cooler bigger! I don't even store my cola there anymore, so you can use the storage space however you like when we go out! Lunches, snacks, whatever it is, give it my way! I will keep them safe and make sure they don't go bad anymore! YOW!!"
He doesn't respond. He can't, not with the way his throat was burning like he had shoved some hot coal in it. With a sharp inhale, he turns away from the cyborg, desperately willing his tears to stay in bay. It was threatening to crush him, all this… all this tenderness, this care, this orchestra in his head reaching crescendo, singing I'm home I'm home I'm home. What a painful and wonderful thing it was, to not only be able to love someone, but to be loved in return, wholly and undeniably.
Behind him, Franky was still yammering about the planning and process of building a bigger cooler and how he had to re-structure his skeletal system a teeny bit to get all that space in him and fuck, Sanji wants to cry. With a trembling hand, he extinguishes his cigarette and presses a fist to his mouth.
It's clear Franky was waiting for him to say something from the pause that followed after he finished explaining the various temperature settings in the cooler and how the hell can Sanji tell him, hey, I'm sorry I can't say anything because I'm so fucking touched by your stupid cooler that I might burst into tears if I open my mouth without sounding like a complete loser? For once, the universe must've heard his pleas, because his knight-in-shining-armour soon comes to save him.
"Oi, Franky!" he hears Usopp call out, followed closely by the sound of his footsteps. "You're needed in the deck, I think Luffy broke something while playing tag with Chopper."
He doesn't need to turn to know the look of horror and rage Franky's face was currently sporting. "Already?! What are you doing to the Sunny, you bastards?!"
Sanji's shoulders droop in relief when Franky thunders away to the deck, yelling about troublesome captains and the poor Sunny. It was bad enough tearing up in front of Usopp earlier, he would never be able to live it down if he did that in front of Franky, too.
An elbow digs into his side playfully. "I take it he showed you the cooler, then? Damn that cyborg, trying to one up my gift!" Instead of responding, he hangs his head to let his bangs cover his glassy eyes. Usopp sighs. "I should've told him off before he came to you, said that you've already felt your quota of mushy emotions for the day. See? Now he broke you."
That coaxes a wet laugh out of him. He rubs the remaining moisture out of his eyes and kicks the other man's shin. "Fuck off, Longnose."
Usopp only grins and bumps their shoulders together. After a moment of hesitation, Sanji presses his shoulder back against Usopp's and keeps it there.
I'm home.
Chopper told him. Chopper fucking told him to be careful, told him there were weird snakes on the island that he needed to watch out for. He didn't think much of it then, but god does he regret it now, after having said snake spit venom right into his eyes.
It wasn't like he intended for it to happen; it's just that he hasn't been alone with any of the crew members that didn't come to Whole Cake island after all the shit went down there, and now he was forced to go hunting for food with Franky in this uninhabited island. It made him sick with dread. The thing is, he knows that the crew doesn't care about what went down in Totto land, and that they love him regardless. He would be a fool to not know after that night in the aquarium. But that didn't mean he looked forward to talking about it.
He was so nervous that the cyborg would ask him about what happened in Whole Cake island that he didn't notice that a snake was hanging on the branch in front of him till it spit venom into his eyes. Seriously, snakes were already troublesome, now they spit venom? Fuck this stupid island.
The good news is that Chopper gave them the anti-venom just in case one of them got poisoned. But the bad news was that the anti-venom took about an hour to work.
It starts off fine. Fever, chills, body ache. All standard stuff. The trees start laughing next, which is not bad by itself, but makes him shiver harder because it reminded him of Totto Land.
Shit hits the fan when he starts seeing fucking Niji.
He wants to kick the bastard's face in, but he can't move a single muscle. So he lies still on the forest floor and croaks, "What are you doing here?"
Niji blinks. "What do you mean? I came here with you."
Came here with me? Sanji frowns. No, that wasn't quite right. He didn't come here with Niji. He came here with…
The name dances out of his reach and disappears entirely. Frustrated, he clenches his first and feels that they seem smaller than he remembers it being. Like a kid's.
Oh. That's right. He's in Germa. Did he miss practice again? Is that why Niji was here? Did father send him?
Everything hurts. He uses the last dregs of his energy to beg, "Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I just feel really sick right now but I'll be better soon. So please don't hit me till then."
He knows it's a moot point. Niji never listens to him no matter how much he begs. That's why he expects a laugh, or a kick to his stomach. He doesn't expect him to look so shocked.
"Hit you?" Niji asks, incredulous. "Why the hell would I hit you?"
His eyes burn when he blinks, confused. "I don't know. That's what you always do. You hit me, and then you laugh at me when I cry."
The shock in Niji's face morphs to horror. "Bro, I don't know what you're talking about. I need to take you to Chopper, fuck."
For some reason, this upsets him. Niji doesn't call him 'bro'. It's not nice when he calls him that. Someone else calls him that, and he likes it when they do. He doesn't remember who. Also, he hates the way he seems so shocked. Like Sanji was the one who was lying. It was true, Niji hit him everyday, just like Yonji and Ichiji. Then why did he seem so sad about it now?
His breathing speeds up when Niji reaches out to hold him. He tries to scramble away, to scream, to do something, but he just can't move. He doesn't want to be choked again. Last time, Niji held him so tightly that he broke 5 ribs. It hurts a lot. He doesn't want to hurt more.
The scream dies in his throat when Niji scoops him up in his arms and stands. Doesn't squeeze, doesn't hold him tight enough to bruise. He cradles him to his chest. Like he is something precious. Like he cares.
"Why are you doing this?" Sanji asks quietly, head lolling onto Niji's chest. "Why are you being nice? You hate me. You should just let me die. I know you want to."
Niji exhales shakily. He seems so, so sad. "I don't hate you, bro. I don't want you to die. I care about you."
The back of his throat stings. His eyes water when he spits, "Liar. Then why do you hit me so much? Why do you say all those mean things?" He sniffs and buries his head further into Niji's chest—mad at himself for letting himself be vulnerable in the arms of someone who hated him, but at the same time unable to resist the allure of warmth. "You are so mean to me. Do you know how much it hurts? It hurts all the time."
Niji blinks furiously, trying to hold back his tears. "I won't let anyone hit you again, okay? I promise. We'll keep you safe."
Sanji tries to find a hint of mockery, of lies in his words, and comes up empty. The words should fill him with warmth. Someone finally loves him, and will take care of him. They'll keep him safe. He should be happy. Why isn't he happy?
All of a sudden, a loud 'pop!' sound fills his eardrums. He groans and curls into himself, holding his head in his hands. He faintly hears someone say, bro, are you okay? Can you hear me? Sanji-bro?
He wheezes and cracks his eyes open with difficulty. Everything hurts like a bitch. His head was throbbing. Heart pounding, he looks around to gauge his surroundings. A forest, trees all around him. None of them were laughing. He was in a forest. He came here to get food. He came here with…
"Sanji-bro?"
The tension knotted in his chest eases, and he takes a deep breath. He came here with Franky. He was safe.
"Everything is gonna be alright," Franky was saying, looking incredibly panicked. "I'm right here."
He was Franky. Franky, who reshaped the word 'brother' till it wasn't made of sharp edges that pierced through his skin and made it sound right, made him like being called so. Franky, with his big, warm hands that cradle and protect.
Not everything was solved. He was probably going to wake up feeling mortified for blabbering so much shit. He had to talk about Whole Cake island at some point. He had dinner to cook, which Chopper probably won't let him do. But for now, he's with Franky, and he says that he will take care of him. And Sanji believes him.
With a huff, he collapses against the cyborg's chest, mumbling, "I'm counting on you, Franky."
Before he goes to sleep, he feels Franky's hand brush through his hair. Hears his voice, whisper, feather-soft, "I've got you. You can rest now."
The bite mark faded.
Sanji doesn't know why this bothers him. It was a miracle that Nami's bite drew blood in the first place. His exoskeleton shouldn't have allowed her teeth to tear flesh, but it seemed to give way once it felt all the rage and sorrow condensed in her jaws. He felt it, for a moment. That sharp zing of pain, that breathlessness that came with it.
But then Nami unlatched her jaws and the mark faded like it was never there in the first place.
It didn't register at first. He didn't have time to think about his accelerated healing or the lack of pain on his shoulder; he had a weeping Nami in his arms to console first. It was fine. Everything was fine. The conversation ended with a kiss and a light slap to his cheek that screamed of affection. He made a promise he was going to keep at all costs, and Nami believed him. Everything was fine.
Then it wasn't.
Because he was in the galley with a knife in his hands and he can't feel the sting that comes with dragging your finger down the edge of the blade. He has sharpened the knife five times in the past hour. The knife is now brittle, ready to snap at the slightest pressure, but sharp. Sharp enough to hurt anyone at even the lightest touch. Anyone, except him.
He raises the knife above his head and brings it down to pierce the back of his hand. The metal falls apart like a piece of chalk as soon as it comes in contact with his skin.
His hand is steady as he picks up a broken shard of the knife. In the smooth surface of the knife, he sees himself looking back. Except it was all wrong. Except his eyebrow was curled wrong and the colour of his pupils were too dark and the muscles in his face won't move into a smile and it was all wrong, he was wrong.
"Sanji-bro, you never told me you got some superrr upgrades!"
Sanji startles from where he has been hunched over the kitchen counter and watches Franky approach him with a huge smile. His heart drops to his stomach.
No. No no no no no—
For the first time, he truly feels small next to Franky. Curling in on himself, wishing he could hide himself- this shameful monster he was becoming. Franky doesn't seem to notice his distress. If anything, he just seems more excited as he comes closer.
His hands, huge and careful, cradle his own and remove the piece of metal he was holding onto so tightly. He tilts the hand this way and that, trying to catch light on the skin, probably to find any scratches or fresh scars on them. When he finds none, he lights up like a kid on Christmas.
"This is so cool!" Franky exclaims, poking his hand with the knife gleefully. "You have an exoskeleton! Is this because of the suit you used in Wano?"
Cool?
He must've said it out loud, because Franky beams and nods. "Yeah! Now this way, we match!" He twirls the broken knife in his hand before bringing it down to stab his own hand. The metal breaks further on meeting the cyborg's hand. "See? Cool, right?"
Then he goes about dragging the knife over the skin of his collarbones, but the knife doesn't draw blood or tear flesh.
The errant thought that came to his mind when he saw Franky again after two years comes shows its face again. Humanity does not have to be synonymous to suffering. It is not misery that makes us human. He seeks the pain, yearns for it, like one would an old friend's embrace, because his existence has been woven with pain for so long. But maybe, it was time to relearn that he was not who he was because of his pain.
The hope that flickers alive in his chest dies a swift death. Because it's not losing his ability to feel hurt that scares him so. It's losing his ability to feel everything else. If he loses his sense of pain, then his ability to feel pleasure, to love, will be soon to leave him, too.
"Franky," He is so, so tired. "How long does the Ship of Theseus remain as itself? At what point does it become something else entirely?"
He doesn't bother explaining the paradox to Franky, and Franky doesn't ask, because he already knows. He knows the paradox, and he also knows what he is really asking. He never really talked about the whole losing his emotions thing to the crew properly, but he knows they have a vague idea of what's going on. Franky knows, too. He knows what he is afraid of becoming.
He often forgets that Franky is much older than him. But at that moment, he sees it: the age in his smile, the kindness he has accumulated over the years. He feels solid; the kind of steadiness that only comes after living through all that life throws at you and still standing straight. If there is anyone who knows what it feels like to find yourself in a new and unfamiliar body, it was Franky.
Franky claps a firm hand on his shoulder. His voice is gentle, knowing, when he says, "It doesn't matter how many planks change. The Ship of Theseus will remain the Ship of Theseus as long as it remembers who it used to be."
He wonders if he sounds just as wretched as he feels when he drops the pretense of a metaphor and asks, "But what if I forget?"
A slow exhale. Then, the hand on his shoulder shakes him roughly. "We won't let you forget. And even if you do, we will make you remember again. You know we will."
Sanji thinks of Luffy, who was ready to starve himself to death to get him back. Thinks of Nami, who sunk her teeth into his skin and refused to let him go again. Thinks of Zoro, and his promise to kill him if he needed to, no questions asked. Thinks of the relief in the crew's eyes when they saw that he was back, and doing well.
Franky watches him, steady and endlessly patient with not even a trace of judgement in his eyes. He then knows it with the same certainty he knows that the sun will rise every morning and that Luffy will become the King of the Pirates: they will not leave him behind.
Sanji chuckles. It's weak, but a laugh nonetheless. A beginning of something light, a flicker of hope. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."