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Severus hated the start-of-school staff meetings. He hated all the other ones also, of course, but all the big changes came at the start of the year, and Severus hated change. He subscribed to all of the main chemistry journals to keep up with new discoveries, of course, but there was a difference between making sure his content was up to date and making sure his teaching methods were up to date.
These days, it seemed like everyone had a new idea about how to change education, as if they needed fancy new contraptions and teaching methods to get students to learn. Kids these days just needed a bit more discipline - that was all. They needed to pay attention to his lectures and take notes and ask questions if they were confused. If they could do that, they could learn.
Unfortunately, Headmaster Dumbledore did not share this belief, which was why Severus was now trapped in the large meeting hall, surrounded by all his colleagues, while some kid wheeled a giant electronic white board monstrosity to the center of the room.
"Watch out, Severus." Minerva McGonagall, one of the mathematics professors, smirked next to him. "More technology for you to learn."
Severus just growled in her direction, and she let out a small laugh before turning her attention back to the front. He thought she muttered something about the boy pushing the board, but he wasn't paying attention anymore. He was too busy imagining what new hell they would force him to endure this year.
It wasn't that Severus was a complete luddite. He appreciated the ability to type up his tests and print them out. He enjoyed having internet access so that he could catch up on information or double check something without having to spend forever in the library looking through catalogs. He could even admit that having an electronic gradebook was a nice addition, as it did the math for him, freeing up some of his spare time.
But some changes went too far. He would never be able to understand the professors who wanted each student to have their own laptop. As if they didn't get distracted enough in lessons as it were. Nor did he understand scantrons or any other sort of automatic grading. Yes, it might be faster to have students bubble in answers and then have a machine grade them, but that told you nothing. There was no way to tell the difference between a student who understood the material and one who accidentally guessed the right answer. You could see how many questions students got right or wrong, but that didn't give you a breakdown of which ones they got right or wrong, and even if it did, you couldn't see their work to understand where the breakdown happened.
How was he supposed to help them learn from their mistakes if it was so hard to see what the mistakes were?
He had also heard many of the other teachers, especially Minerva, talking about how they were supposed to do more than just lecture. Students supposedly needed to be taught in a variety of ways. It was ridiculous. Back in Severus's day, you sat in a room, you took notes, you studied those notes, and you took the test. There were some classes - like his own chemistry and other sciences - where you had lab work also, but that was the exception, not the rule.
He didn't know why students of today needed so much coddling, but he was sure that was the reason he was watching a boy who barely looked old enough to not be a student explain something about the board in front of him. Severus didn't pay him too much attention. Glasses. Messy black hair - because apparently he couldn't be bothered to look presentable before appearing before a group of teachers. Youth these days…so disrespectful.
"Spark Screens have been installed in every classroom," Albus was saying, "and we have removed the chalk boards to ensure that everyone is using the new boards. These were specially donated by a Hogwarts graduate who has made quite the impression…"
Severus stopped listening again, choosing instead to mentally compose the rant was planning to give the headmaster when all this was done. He knew how to best teach his subject. How dare they try to tell him how he was supposed to teach. He had been teaching on a chalkboard for twenty years. There was no reason to change now.
He tried to force his attention back to the front of the room.
"...will be on call if you need any help with the Spark Screens. We also have a new security feature on all our doors. You now need to use your ID to get in and out of rooms. This will ensure that no one can get in without permission. I know we have not had the safety concerns many other schools have had, but it's always good to get ahead of any potential problems…"
Severus rolled his eyes. All this was likely to do was cause more disruptions, as late students weren't terribly responsible to begin with. Now instead of being late and trying to sneak in the back, they'd be late and forget their IDs and cause a huge disruption trying to get someone else to let them in. It was almost hard to tell which was going to be the bigger problem this year, the doors or the board.
Then he looked at the board again. No, that was definitely going to be the bigger problem.
*~*
The rest of Severus's day wasn't much better. They had the normal meetings reminding them of expectations of faculty members. They had department meetings where the more social people told the less social people what they did over summer break and discussed any changes to the curriculum for the year.
Then the meeting Severus had been dreading the most - the meeting on how to use the stupid board, whatever it was called. Spark something, he thought. Ridiculous name for a ridiculous product, he supposed.
The science and math departments had theirs together, and Severus found himself once again next to Minerva as the others trailed in. The boy from this morning was standing awkwardly at the front of the room. Good, thought Severus. If I have to suffer, so should he.
"You look like someone took away all your beakers," Minerva said. "Cheer up. You might actually learn something today."
"I already did learn something," spat Severus. "I learned Albus is even more delusional than I already thought. Taking out the chalkboards and forcing us to use these ridiculous substitutes. He's always trying to overcomplicate something that's not complicated. I can already write notes on the board. What makes this one so special?"
"Glad you asked," said a bright voice behind him. "That's what we'll be discussing today."
Severus did NOT jump, not even a little. He ignored Minerva's chuckle next to him as he turned to look at the boy from this morning. How had he gotten behind Severus without his noticing?
The boy was already walking past him, towards the front of the room, but he turned to look at Severus as he did so, a small smile on his face, as if he was not at all offended that Severus wasn't looking forward to this.
Up close, Severus had to admit that the boy - young man, really - was rather good looking. He still didn't understand why he hadn't brushed his hair before coming here, and he was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a flannel shirt over a t-short that Severus assumed was a band he had never heard of. Bright green eyes shown from beneath round glasses, and he looked vaguely familiar, though Severus didn't immediately know why. There also seemed to be a scar on his forehead, though it was half-covered by the aforementioned mop of hair.
"My name's Harry Potter," the young man said. He walked up to the front of the room and leaned against the wall next the board, much of the awkwardness from before gone, though Severus noticed him clasping and unclasping his hands frequently as he spoke. "I know a lot of you probably remember me as a student. It's great to see you all again, though a bit weird to be in the teaching position this time."
A few of the teachers laughed, including Minerva. Severus had never taught him, meaning he hadn't taken any of the advanced sciences, which confirmed Severus's initial belief that this young man clearly wasn't someone intelligent enough to pay any attention to.
And then the name registered, and he realized exactly why this boy looked so familiar.
James Potter. Harry was the spitting image of the man who had bullied Severus all through school. The only main difference was his eyes. He had his mother's eyes. Lily had been his only friend, but they had drifted apart when she had started dating Potter, and Severus had lost most of his respect for her as she morphed from Lily Evans into Potter's Girlfriend.
He had heard that they had died in a car accident not long after they had all graduated, and Severus had been forced to admit that he was a little sad to hear of his old friend's death, but he hadn't been able to mourn Potter's death at all. He had tried to keep the celebrating to a minimum, though.
He thought he had heard that they had a son who had been in the accident, too, but he had never given the infant much thought before. And yet now the boy was here, an adult, and apparently he had made it through the school without Severus hearing about it. Not that he kept up with much gossip, especially when it contained students who were too stupid to get into his advanced science courses, but he was still surprised he hadn't heard more from it. His parents had also gone to school here, and much of the faculty had liked them.
Realizing that he had once again been lost in his thoughts, Severus turned his attention back to the young man at the front of the room. Now that he knew who Potter was, he started looking for hints of his father in him. A streak of arrogance. A taunt whenever someone admitting to not knowing something he didn't. A sneer at someone who dared show up to school not dressed like one of the popular kids.
Except he couldn't find any. He thought back to the smile the young man had given him when he overheard Severus say that the boards were useless. It hadn't even been arrogant then. There was no gloating about having heard Severus badmouth a program he would have to learn. There was no trying to embarrass him in front of the other teachers.
If anything, the smile had looked almost…playful.
No, that couldn't be it. Severus must not have had enough caffeine this morning. He'd have to make sure to get another cup after this insufferable meeting, which he should probably be paying at least a little attention to.
"For those of you who have already been using PowerPoints for your notes, this won't be that different," Potter was saying. "For those of you who are used to chalkboards…" He paused as his eyes met Severus's, and he could swear he saw the boy give him that playful smile again. "Well, let's just say you might need a bit longer to adjust. But that's what I'm here for, so always reach out to me if you have any questions. For now, though, I will start with a demonstration. Then we'll cover the basics."
Severus watched as the boy turned to the board - the Spark Screen, as he called it - and started tapping it as though it were a computer screen and his hand was the mouse. He pulled up a blank screen and then took a fake marker from the tray table and started writing on the board the same way one would write on a chalkboard.
Severus rolled his eyes. Yes, he could see why the school spent thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, of dollars on these. Sure, it looked as though it had the ability to take his typed notes, portray them on the screen, and then he could annotate them, but that was hardly useful. Severus had his notes, which he had written by hand over a decade ago. He had updated them periodically as necessary, but he knew the material well enough to barely look at the notes anymore. He just wrote them on the board.
Besides, most of what he went over was information that he spoke out loud for students to write down. It was how he made sure they were paying attention. Teachers who put their full notes on the board had classes full of students who copied down notes without thinking, and they learned nothing.
Severus's students learned something - if nothing else, they learned the value of listening when someone was speaking.
Which, Severus was ashamed to admit, was something he had a hard time doing whenever this young man was around. He blamed the new board.
At some point, Potter called volunteers to the board, and Severus found himself oddly relieved that the boy did not do what Severus normally did, which was call on the student who looked like they wer paying the least attention. Instead, he got actual volunteers to come up and show how multiple people could write on it at the same time, as if this was a miraculous feat and not something they had been doing with chalkboards for centuries. He was tempted to point out that the board was only big enough for two people to comfortably write, where his old chalkboard had stretched the full length of the front of the room.
Really, this was just nonsense.
Potter thanked his volunteers and then returned to his spot at the front of the room, where he began to explain how to set up the program and actually use it with the board.
"Don't worry if you have trouble following along,'" he said. "I"m here to answer any questions you have. Plus I've emailed you all a copy of these directions, so you have notes to refer back to whenever you need."
Severus scoffed. It was a good thing this young man was working in technology and not actually teaching. Telling students that you were sending them the notes was a surefire way to make sure they didn't pay attention, as they knew everything they needed would be handed to them.
With that, Severus tuned out the rest of the meeting, already mentally going over everything he needed to do over the course of the next two weeks before the students arrived. He might not understand the purpose of this new board, but if his colleagues could figure it out, he was sure reading the notes later would be enough for him.
*~*
Severus had so many meetings to attend that it was practically the end of the day before he finally made it to his classroom. The room should have felt as familiar to him as his own hands, but it didn't. The chalkboard that used to be in the front of the room had indeed been removed, and the walls had been painted to make it seem like this was how it had always been.
And then there was the damned Spark Screen at the front of the room.
Severus scowled at it and then walked over to his desk at the front of the room. He set his briefcase down and sank into his chair, looking around. At least the rest of his classroom was intact. Since he only taught advanced classes, his classes were smaller than many of the others. There were three rows of four desks in the center of the room, facing the empty wall where the chalkboard used to be. There were six work stations forming a U around them, where the students would actually work with beakers and chemicals to experience what he was lecturing first hand.
He supposed he should be relieved that hadn't been replaced with a computer, too.
Severus sighed. He might as well get started reading over the notes for that blasted Spark Screen. He pushed the power button on his computer.
Nothing happened.
He frowned and tried again.
Still nothing. Did they break his computer? He looked around. Between the computer itself, plus the two monitors (another new addition, apparently - since when was one not enough?), there were wires everywhere. As far as Severus was aware, everything was plugged in, though admittedly he wasn't an expert. He didn't see any obviously unplugged cords, at any rate.
He tried the button again, but it still did nothing.
He sighed. Just what he needed to make the day better - a reason to call Potter. Then again, he was just to help with the Spark Screens. Surely they would send someone else for normal computer problems, wouldn't they?
He shifted through the various papers he had been given until he found the one that had the tech support information. Ignoring the email, as he couldn't very well access that without a computer, he dialed the phone number.
After what felt like forever, someone finally answered, sounding slightly out of breath, as if they had sprinted to the phone. "Hello?"
Hardly a professional way to answer the phone. "Tech support?" Best to be sure.
"Yes, that's me. How can I help?"
Identify yourself when you answer the phone, Severus thought. He was pretty sure that was Potter's voice on the other end, though, so he supposed he shouldn't be surprised at the lack of professionalism. "It seems that when that new screen of yours was installed, someone broke my computer. I can't turn it on."
"That doesn't sound good. I'll be right out. What room is it?"
"72."
"I'll be right there."
Five minutes later, there was a knock on his door.
"Come in," he called, standing up and stepping away from the desk.
It was indeed Potter who walked in the door after swiping his ID badge. He smiled as he saw Severus, though Severus couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
"Professor Snape," he said as he walked up to the front of the room. "It's nice to see you again."
"You know who I am." He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. He had never taught the boy, so surely it was weird that he would know who Severus was, wasn't it?
Potter looked down and blushed, but then he met Severus's eyes again and smiled. "I did go to school here, you know. I might not have been in any of your classes, but I've heard a lot about you."
"All good things, I would imagine," said Severus sarcastically, well aware that many students hated him, especially before he was given just the advanced classes.
Potter had the audacity to laugh, though to Severus's surprise, it didn't sound mean like his father's would have been. It was as if they were laughing at a shared joke. "Of course. I've only heard what a kind, understanding professor you were. Always willing to provide extra lessons. Providing extensions whenever anyone asked for it."
Severus scoffed in an attempt to hide his own laugh as the young man continued his joke. "Good to know my reputation precedes me."
Potter's smile widened. "You don't seem as intimidating as you did back then. Maybe it's just because you can't give me detention."
"Fail to fix my computer, and I will make you rethink that statement."
Potter laughed again. "Fair enough. Let me take a look."
Severus watched the boy walk over to his computer. It was unusual for someone to just show up and joke with him. The only people who did that were Albus and Minerva, and he had known them since he was a student here himself. And yet Potter's son of all people had just waltzed in and started acting like they too were old friends.
How strange.
Any potentially positive feelings he felt for the boy disappeared when Severus watched him hit the power button. Did he think Severus didn't know where the button was?
"I already tried that," he snapped. "I told you, it doesn't work."
Potter didn't look phased by the yelling. "I want to see for myself, make sure there was nothing else that happened when you tried turning it on that you might not have noticed. Plus there's always the off chance you only thought you were hitting the power button when really you were hitting something else."
Severus scowled at the boy for that, but Potter just smiled again and turned to look at the cords coming out of the back of the computer. "It happens more often than you'd probably think."
"I would never doubt the incompetency of my coworkers," he said.
"Everyone's good at different things," said Harry, shrugging before he bent down to look at the wires more closely. "Plus technology changes fast, and there are lots of buttons. It's understandable that some people would get confused. Ah, here's the problem." He stood up and held up a cord for Severus to see. "This wasn't plugged in."
Severus stormed over to see the cord in question, watching as Potter plugged something into the back of the little box that was the computer. He felt his face heat up and tried to ignore it.
"I checked to make sure it was plugged into the wall," said Severus, not sure what it was about this young man that made him feel the need to defend himself instead of simply throwing him out of his room now that the problem was fixed.
He imagined what the boy's father would have done if he were the one here instead, how he would have laughed at how stupid Severus was for needing to call for help to plug something in. He would have brought it up every chance he could going forward, making sure to tell everyone how Severus was just as incompetent as all of the others he had just been making fun of.
But this Potter didn't do that. He gave Severus a reassuring smile as he walked back to the front of the computer and hit the power button, which worked this time.
"I'm sure you did," he said. He smiled when the computer turned on and then turned to face Severus. "There are a lot of cords, especially if you don't know what they all do. Plus they're generally hooked up when the teachers come back, so it's not something you would ever have to think about normally. I'm sure whoever set this up just didn't push it in all the way, which is why it fell out. At least it was easy enough to fix."
He was still smiling at Severus, who felt out of place all of a sudden. He thought about how rude he had been to this young man and how kind and understanding Potter was being. Perhaps he was more professional than Severus had given him credit for.
"Thank you." He didn't just mean for fixing the problem, but he wasn't about to say more than that. "I apologize for calling you out here for something I should have been able to handle on my own."
"Don't worry about it. That's what I'm here for. Plus it gave me a chance to meet you officially."
Potter was still smiling, though his words didn't make any sense. "Why would you want to meet me?"
The young man looked uncomfortable for a moment, but he was the one who brought this up, so Severus didn't feel bad.
"I know you went to school with my parents…" Potter began, looking at the ground for once instead of Severus.
"Yes." Seveurs's voice came out sharper than he intended, but he was hardly to blame for that. Any mention of James Potter still made his blood boil.
Potter looked up at that, surprise on his face, though that made no sense. If he knew they went to school together, surely he knew that James Potter had made Severus's life hell, didn't he?
"Um, yes, well, I obviously never met my parents. Or at least I don't have any memories of them. I was too young when they died. Didn't know anything about them until I was a teenager, actually, when I met my godfather and his partner. Remus was actually the one–"
"Remus Lupin is your godfather?" Severus cut in. He wasn't sure why that surprised him, as Lupin had definitely been part of that group, but he had always seemed a bit on the outside.
"No, Sirius Black is my godfather," said Potter.
Ah. That made more sense. Black and Potter were definitely closer. Both made Severus miserable whenever they could. If he was the boy's godfather, the boy had probably gone to live with him after his parents' deaths. It was a wonder Severus found him tolerable.
"Remus Lupin is his partner," Potter continued. "I met them when I was fifteen."
That surprised Severus. "They didn't take you in when your parents died?"
Severus didn't care who raised the boy, but he had to admit it was weird that Potter wouldn't have met him until he was almost an adult - though it would certainly explain why the boy wasn't the nightmare he would have assumed any Potter child raised by Black would be.
Potter shook his head, his face looking more closed off than it had at any point during their conversation. "I was raised by my aunt and uncle. Sirius had a…difficult time…after my parents died. Took him a while to get himself together and be in a place where he could look after anyone else. Then he and Remus got together, and they came to find me, and they gave me a new place to live. I hadn't really known anything about my parents until I met them."
"Black and Lupin are dating?"
Potter hesitated before nodding. "Does that, um, bother you?"
Severus snorted. "Hypocrisy bothers me. Your father and his friends so much time tormenting me for being gay. I guess I should have known better than to expect anything else from Black."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Severus realized that that was hardly the sort of information he should just give to a strange young man that he worked with. That information definitely seemed to upset him. Though if his godfather was gay, why would it bother him to find out Severus was?
"My father hated gay people?" Potter asked in a small voice. He seemed to shrink in on himself a bit.
And just like that, Severus realized why the young man was upset. He wasn't normally someone who felt guilty for hurting people, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to take that look of hurt off the young man's face.
"Your father and I never got along," he said. "It is quite possible his hatred was specific to me, and that he simply used anything he could to try to make my life miserable. If his best friends were gay, as it sounds like they are, I am sure he would have come around. After all, Black was just as bigoted as your father was, at least back then. Apparently his actions were a sort of overcompensation to hide who he really was. He and your father were best friends, and Lupin was part of their circle, too. I'm sure even if your father actually had a problem with gay people, he would have gotten past it for them."
He hesitated for just a moment and then added, "And I am certain he would have gotten past it for his son."
The young man looked up at him. His cheeks were red, but he the rest of his face looked so grateful that Severus couldn't find it in him to care that he was probably lying. The man was dead. There was no reason to let his son suffer thinking of how he might have acted had he still been alive.
"I guess I wasn't super subtle with that question, huh?" Potter asked, grinning a little.
"I'd never expect subtlety from someone who spent any amount of his upbringing with Black," said Severus. He wondered if insulting the boy's godfather would upset him, but Potter just laughed again.
"Fair enough." He definitely seemed happier than before, not that Severus cared.
"What does any of this have to do with me?" he asked, realizing how far they had gotten off topic.
"Oh, right," said Potter. He scratched the back of his head, though it seemed more nervous than anything else. "Sorry. They both told me about my parents. Sirius told me more about my dad, of course, though apparently he skipped a few details. But Remus told me more about my mom. He even had an old journal of hers, plus a notebook that apparently she used to send letters with a friend of hers."
Severus couldn't help but let out a small gasp at that. He and Lily used to do that, back before she started dating James Potter and became too popular to be seen with him.
"I'm sorry, but I read all the notes," said Potter. "I didn't give much thought to your half of the notes, at least not at first. It was just about learning more about my mom. It wasn't until after I actually started reading the notes that I started wondering who you were. Remus told me it was you, that you and my mom used to be friends. He said that she always regretted that you didn't stay friends, that it was her fault. I thought you should know that. And I also thought you might want the book back. I don't have it with me, but they're your memories. You probably deserve to have them more than I do."
Severus stood there for a moment, staring at the young man in front of him. He remembered those days, back when he and Lily would exchange notebooks between classes so they had something to do during class while the teachers spent forever explaining everything to the stupid kids in class. Part of him was mortified that someone else other than Lily would have read them, but the other part of him understood why the boy would want to read anything that would give him more information about the mother he had never met.
"When did he give you this book?" he asked, hoping Potter didn't hear the thickness in his voice.
"When I was about fifteen," said Potter. "Before I went to live with them."
"So you were still a student. Here."
"Yeah." Potter frowned, then seemed to understand why the thought was unsettling to Severus. "Like I said, he didn't tell me who the letter writer was at first. I mean, it's not like the letters were signed. You two knew who the writer was. I was already halfway through the book when I found out the man my mother was writing to was a professor here. And it's not like I was in your class, so it didn't seem all that weird. Though I understand now why it probably seems like a breech of privacy. That's part of why I wanted to offer you the book. I can bring it tomorrow."
Severus didn't know what to make of that. Part of him wanted it back, and part of him was loathe to take away the only thing of his mother's this young man was likely to have. But there was also something else that was bothering him.
"You had this while you were in school, and yet I never heard any mention of it."
Potter frowned, seemingly confused. "I mean, I wasn't in your class. It seemed weird to go see you and be like 'hey, you wrote these letters to my mom a long time ago. Want to chat?' You know?"
"That's not what I meant," said Severus, ignoring the visual the suggestion brought up. He was definitely NOT picturing him and this adult Harry Potter chatting over coffee somewhere. "You didn't pass the notes around to your friends. I might not remember the contents of every letter, but I am sure there was enough to keep the gossip flowing in this school for years."
Potter frowned again, but this time there was a hardness to it that wasn't there before. For the first time since Severus had met him, the young man looked angry. "You think I would have used those letters to hurt you?"
"It's what your father would have done," Severus snapped before he could stop himself.
"Well I'm not him!" Potter shouted - and then just like that, it was like the anger left his body. His shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath before lowering it and looking back up at Severus. When he spoke this time, it was in the same soft voice he had been speaking so far. "I'm sorry. You don't know me. I understand why your first thought would be that I'm just like my father. But I'm not. I've never found the idea of humiliating people entertaining. And I certainly would never want to humiliate you.
"Like I said, I had actually wanted to meet you since I read those letters. They were so funny and insightful, if a bit sad. I related to them a lot. I was supposed to be learning about my mother, and I did, but the more I read, the more fascinated I was by you. It was so hard to believe that the boy writing those letters was the same man my friends had been complaining about for so long."
That playful smile was back on the young man's face, though it had a shyer quality to it this time. It made him look even less like James than Severus had originally thought.
"I think you'll find teenage me was just as intolerant of imbeciles as adult me is," he said, both because it was true and because the genuineness of the young man was too much. He didn't know what to do with that. Sarcasm was safer.
"I'll bet," said Potter, his smile widening. "Still, I wish I had known you back then. I feel like we would have been friends. I suppose I'll have to settle for being friendly colleagues."
"What makes you think I don't despise you?" asked Severus.
"You don't," said Potter. The confidence in his voice should have bothered Severus, should have reminded him of the man's father, but it didn't. There was too much kindness in his face for that.
"You sound awfully sure of yourself."
"You'd have kicked me out the second your computer turned back on if you did," said Potter. "But you didn't. You're still talking to me. I think there's hope for that friendship yet."
Severus had no idea why this young man wanted to be his friend. He should tell him it was ridiculous, but he couldn't. When was the last time anyone had wanted to be his friend? He recognized that Potter was just curious about him because of his connection to his mother, but he could live with that.
"I suppose we can consider this a trial period," he said, figuring that was the closest he could come to being nice without completely ruining his reputation.
He was unprepared for the blinding smile Potter gave him. "Great! I'm looking forward to it. Sadly, I should probably go check on a few more people before they leave for the day. But I'll bring by that book tomorrow, if that's okay with you?"
He sounded so hopeful, which made absolutely no sense to Severus. "If you'd like."
"Great!" Potter said again. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Have a good night, Professor."
"Same to you, Potter."
"Harry," he corrected. "Please, call me Harry."
Severus inclined his head. "Have a good night…Harry."
Harry shot him another brilliant smile and left. Severus waited until he was sure Harry was gone, then stepped closer to his desk. He looked down at the cord that he hadn't realized had been disconnected and smiled.
Perhaps technology had its perks.
*~*
The next morning, Severus was back to hating technology. He had finally tried to read through the notes on how to use the Spark Screen, and it didn't make any sense. It didn't help that he couldn't figure out how to turn the damn thing on. What was it with him and technology? This shouldn't be difficult.
He triple checked that all the cords were plugged in this time, wanting to save himself an embarrassing moment of having to call Potter – Harry – and finding out he had missed something obvious. Not that he cared what James Potter's son thought of him, of course.
He pushed the button. Nothing happened, so he pushed it again, wondering if perhaps he hadn't hit it hard enough the first time. It made some sort of noise, but it didn't turn on. That was more than his computer had done, so he felt fairly confident that it was at least plugged in this time. He knew it was connected to his computer and that his computer had to be on, but that was already done, so that wasn't the problem.
This was why he hated technology. He never had to worry about his chalkboard not working. His only concern then was running out of chalk.
He was standing at the front of the room, his hands on his hips, glaring at the Spark Screen, when the door behind him opened.
"Morning, Professor!" Harry said cheerfully, walking toward him with a notebook in his hand.
"Thanks for knocking," snapped Severus.
Harry stopped walking, the smile on his face instantly disappearing. "Sorry, sir. I thought, never mind. I can come back later if this isn't a good time."
Severus sighed, his anger leaving him. He was mad at the Spark Screen. That was no reason to take it out on Harry. "I apologize. It's been a frustrating morning."
Harry still looked hesitant, but he gave Severus a small smile and continued walking forward. "Anything I can help with?"
Now it was Severus's turn to hesitate. He didn't want to look incompetent in front of Harry for the second time in twenty-four hours, but at the same time, it wasn't like he had called the young man. He had just shown up. "Is there a trick to getting this blasted thing to stay on?" he finally asked, gesturing to the Spark Screen.
Harry smiled. "You just have to hold the button down for a few seconds."
He walked up to the board and did just that, and Severus once again felt like an idiot. What was it about technology that seemed to remove all logical thought from his head?
Sure enough, a few seconds later, the screen turned on, and Severus found himself looking at a duplication of his own computer monitor. Well, one of them, at least
"It will always mirror the first monitor here," said Harry, taking a few steps so that he was by Severus's computer, and he pointed to the monitor on the left. Severus wanted to tell him he could figure that out for himself, but he failed to turn the board on by himself, so he supposed he couldn't fault the young man for thinking he wouldn't be able to figure this out either.
"Thank you," he said instead. He found himself almost wishing Harry had taken his class as a student, if only so he could have seen Severus at the top of his game. "You know, you don't have these problems with a chalkboard."
Harry smiled, turning to face him and leaning against the edge of his desk. His arms were folded across his chest, though he seemed relaxed. The notebook he had brought was secure between his arms and chest. "Do you hate technology in general, or the Spark Screen specifically?"
"Both. I can admit that technology has its uses, but we are relying on it far too much. And I have yet to understand the point of this screen. Having students copy notes from the chalkboard has always worked just fine."
"You can still have them copy notes," said Harry. He pushed himself off the desk. He held up the notebook he had been carrying. "Oh, I brought the notebook, by the way. Can I just leave it on your desk?"
A wave of sorrow and nostalgia hit him as he saw the front cover more clearly. "Yes, thank you," he managed to say, his throat tight.
If Harry noticed a difference in how he spoke, he didn't comment. He set the composition notebook down on the desk and then stepped back to the board. "You can still use it as a chalkboard," he said. "Well, white board, I guess. You just pull up a blank notebook here, and then you select a marker. You can hit one of these buttons here to change the color of the marker. And then you just write on it like you would a normal board."
With that, Harry wrote "Technology is fun" in barely legible writing.
"Your handwriting is atrocious," said Severus before he could stop himself. "No wonder you like technology so much. Typing your notes is probably the only way you can read them."
Harry laughed softly. "You're not entirely wrong about that. I do think I'd have done better in school had I been able to type up my notes. That's probably part of why I've pushed so hard to get more technology into the classroom."
"You don't think this serves as an even greater distraction for students who have no desire to pay attention in class?"
"Students don't need technology to not pay attention in class," said Harry.
"This makes it easier for them."
Harry set the fake marker back down in the tray and leaned his shoulder against the wall near the Spark Screen, facing Severus. "Maybe. But it can also help teachers create more engaging lessons, so students don't feel as much desire to do other things."
Severus rolled his eyes. "God help us when this generation tries to join the workforce and tells their bosses that they can't pay attention at work because it's too boring."
"I'm not saying everything has to be interesting," said Harry. To Severus's surprise, he didn't sound upset that Severus was criticizing something he clearly felt strongly about. "But kids are only here for so long. This is your chance to get them interested in your subject. The more interesting it is, the more likely they are to look into it in their spare time, too. Isn't that how you get people to love the subject? Isn't that the goal? Or is the goal just to get people used to following instructions?"
Severus frowned. Yes, it was true that he wanted students to find the same fascination with chemistry that he did. That didn't mean that part of his job wasn't also to make sure students learned how to do what they were told, even when they didn't want to. "Teaching has multiple goals. I might want them to enjoy my subject, but this is life, and sometimes you are forced to do things you don't want to."
"Like using technology when you hate it?"
Severus's lips twitched as he fought not to return the smile Harry just gave him. "Precisely."
Harry's smile widened. Severus found himself wondering if he was always this happy or if it was something about Severus, but then he pushed the thought away. Of course he was just happy all the time. Being in Severus's presence had never made anyone else happy before.
"Maybe if I showed you more things about the board, you wouldn't hate it as much," said Harry after a moment. "I have a few other things I need to do today, but I could come back later and give you some personal lessons. You know, show you how technology can help engage someone who wasn't originally interested in the subject."
There was that smile again. If he were anyone else, Severus would think Harry was flirting with him. How unfortunate that he wasn't someone else.
"What makes you think I need personal lessons?" There, a proper response that didn't let on how much he wanted the young man to come back later.
"You weren't paying attention in the group setting, so I figured one on one might be better," said Harry. He didn't sound upset, just amused.
"And what makes you think I wasn't paying attention before?"
"How to turn it on was the first thing I explained," said Harry, amusement even more obvious now. "Guess it's not just the students who don't pay attention sometimes. What a shame no one taught them how to pay attention to subjects they don't find interesting."
Severus couldn't stop the smile that time. "Touché, Mr. Potter."
Every time he thought the young man's smile couldn't get any bigger, he was wrong. He tried to ignore the fluttery feeling in his chest and reminded himself that they boy was probably like this with everyone. Severus was hardly special.
"So is it okay if I come back later?"
Harry couldn't possibly be as excited as he sounded.
"If you must."
"Great! I'll see you later."
And with one more smile, Harry was gone. Severus stared at the door. He was definitely in trouble.
Pushing those thoughts from his head, he walked over to his desk and picked up the composition notebook Harry had placed there. He didn't understand why Lily had kept this or how Lupin had ended up with it, but it didn't matter. He picked it up, and it was like he was a teenager again.
There was Lily's beautiful, loopy handwriting next to his small but neat writing. Sometimes she would draw pictures of whatever she was complaining about. She had always loved art.
His chest was tight as he flipped through the pages, eyes catching on a phrase here or there but not stopping to read more than that. This wasn't something he should be reading at school, when any of his colleagues could burst in. No, he would read this later, at home, where he could be as maudlin as he wanted without any witnesses.
He put the notebook in his briefcase, grateful to Harry for giving this to him. He knew he would give it back, but he would at least read it one more time first, so that he could remember a time when someone thought of him as a friend.
And yes, a little part of him wanted to read through his old notes to see what possibly could have made Harry interested in befriending him.
*~*
Severus had been looking forward to seeing Harry again, but after twenty minutes of watching the boy try to teach him how to work this infernal machine, he was starting to have second thoughts.
"What genius created this thing?" Severus muttered, glaring at the board.
"That would be me."
Severus turned his gaze to Harry, who looked uncomfortable all a sudden. "You?"
Harry nodded. "Professor Dumbledore told everyone at the start of term meeting. Guess I'm glad I'm not the only one you don't pay attention to. Or did you just tune him out because he was talking about me?"
"I hadn't been listening enough to know he was talking about you," admitted Severus. He leaned against the nearest desk. "I thought he said the creator donated these to the school?"
"I did." Harry leaned against the wall, facing Severus, though he currently appeared more interested in Severus's shoes than his face. "Sorry, I thought you realized while you were talking to me that it was my fault you had the Spark Screen. I can leave if you want."
Harry sounded sad at that, and Severus felt a surge of warmth toward the young man, even if he had many more questions now. "Absolutely not. Now that I know this blasted thing is your fault, you're not going anywhere until I understand it completely. This is your responsibility now."
Like he had hoped, his words seemed to cheer Harry up. His eyes met Severus's, and his face lit up in a grin. "Sounds fair to me."
"You're not responsible for the new doors, too, are you?" he asked.
Harry laughed. "No, not at all. I'm honestly surprised I haven't lost my badge yet. I might have to figure out how to override the system one of these days just to make sure if I ever do lose my badge that I can still get into my office."
"Seems like it would be easier to just figure out how to not lose your badge," said Severus.
Harry laughed again. "For you, maybe. You haven't seen how many times I've lost my keys."
"Your badge is around your neck," Severus said, staring pointedly at the lanyard around the young man's neck.
"Yeah, but I generally take it off in my office. It's just so scratchy around my neck. But I don't trust clipping it to anything either because I bump into things a lot, and the last thing I need is to have it fall off somewhere and not notice it. At least now I know where it is if it's not on me. And Albus said the doors should be unlocked be default during class changes, so if I'm locked out of my room, at least it won't be for too long."
"I am suddenly questioning your ability to be responsible for anyone," said Severus.
Harry laughed. "Don't worry. I'm better at taking care of others than I am myself."
I can take care of you was definitely NOT a thought that ran through Severus's head at that statement. Instead, he cleared his throat, turned back to the board, and said, "Prove it."
Harry helped him for another half hour before his cell phone went off. Severus scowled as Harry answered it, telling himself he was annoyed at the rudeness of it, that it had nothing at all to do with the fact that he wanted Harry's attention focused solely on him.
"Sorry," said Harry as he put his phone back in his pocket. "I get my office calls forwarded to my cell phone so people can reach me when I'm not there. I have to go take care of something."
"Of course. Do not let me keep you. I've monopolized far too much of your time already." He hoped the disappointment wasn't clear in his voice.
"It's getting late. I should probably head back to my office after this and catch up on emails." Harry bit his lip. "I know we still have more to cover…could I come back in the morning? I can bring breakfast. I assume you drink your coffee black?"
Severus had no idea why this young man seemed to want to spend more time with him. He would have assumed it was to find out more about his mother, but Harry hadn't brought her up once so far. He couldn't care this much about Severus enjoying his stupid Spark Screen, could he? Maybe he was just really dedicated to his job. But would he offer to bring coffee just for that?
"Black, yes."
Harry smiled at him again. "Any pastry preferences?"
Severus hesitated, then said, "Anything with chocolate is probably acceptable."
Harry looked surprised for a moment, then grinned. "Got it. I'll see you tomorrow, Professor."
Severus hesitated, then said, "Severus."
Harry stopped on his way to the door, turning back to look at Severus in surprise. "Sorry?"
He knew the young man had heard him, though he supposed he couldn't fault him for wanting to make sure he heard correctly. "You may call me Severus."
That earned him perhaps the biggest smile he had seen yet. "Thank you, Severus. I'll see you tomorrow."
Severus watched him leave, then turned back to the screen. If he mastered this on his own, would Harry keep finding excuses to come around? Or would he turn his attentions to someone else who was struggling? Part of Severus wanted to spend the night studying so he could find out for sure, and the other part of him wanted to keep Harry's attention as long as he could.
He went over to his computer, ignoring the Spark Screen. He should probably at least work on converting his notes like Harry had taught him. Wouldn't want the young man to feel like he was wasting his time, after all.
*~*
That night, Severus cooked himself dinner and then settled into his favorite chair with a glass of wine, looking over the notebook Harry had given him.
It was weird to read through these again, knowing that the girl he was writing to would turn on him, would marry the boy who bullied him, would be dead before she turned 22. Would give birth to a young man with her eyes and a beautiful smile and a kind soul…
No, this wasn't about Harry. It was about Lily. He traced one of her drawings with his fingers. She had so much talent. He had always tried to encourage her. He wondered if Potter had, too, not that it would have made a difference.
Still, he wondered. He hadn't kept up with any of his peers, at least not intentionally. Since he had returned from university and started teaching here, he had inevitably run into some, and he had taught the offspring of many of his former classmates, but he had done his best to push the Potters and their friends out of his mind.
But now he found himself drawn to the computer. This, he had to admit, was one of the few benefits of technology: being able to spy on people without leaving your house. It only took him a moment to pull up the information he was looking for.
Car crash kills 2, baby survives
Severus's eyes skimmed the article. On the way back from a charity event…alcohol suspected…baby survived with nothing but a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. He looked at other articles. They were coming from some sort of dinner to raise money to fund more sports programs in schools. James Potter had been the captain of the rugby team. He and Lily used to make fun of those guys, used to say that anything that encouraged students - particularly dimwitted male students - to be even more aggressive was not something they would ever understand.
And apparently Lily had died raising money for such programs. Suddenly Harry's desire to bring more technology to the classroom didn't seem so bad.
He found their obituaries. James Potter, who had inherited his parents' fortune, had played professional rugby for a few years, though he had apparently quit when his son was born. Lily…had been an art teacher. Severus definitely felt a pang in his chest at that one. He remembered the Lily he had known at school, how she had tried to teach him to draw but had given up when he said he had no use for drawing anything but chemical formulas. He looked at the drawings in the notebook. Yes, he could see how she would have made a great art teacher.
He thought about Harry, how he had never gotten to know either of them. He had to admit that he thought the young man had been better off growing up without his father, but he definitely felt sorry that he had never gotten to know Lily.
He looked up Sirius Black next, unsure why he wouldn't have taken the boy immediately but would have when he was older. He got his answer soon enough. The man had gotten several DUIs, the last of which resulted in the death of another motorist. He had gotten 12 years in jail for that. Severus snorted. Only Black could watch his best friend die due to drunk driving and then turn around and kill someone else by being a drunk driver. Severus vaguely wondered if he had been trying to go out the same way his friend did, but that was something he was sure he would never know, so there was no use speculating.
Despite Black's lackluster decision making skills, Harry seemed to have turned out all right. He supposed that had more to do with whoever actually raised him since Black had come into the picture rather late. At least someone responsible had been around to raise Harry.
Harry.
He really shouldn't let his thoughts linger too long there. He was twenty years younger than him. The son of his former best friend and his childhood bully. Someone who was most likely rich given that he would have inherited all of his father's money and also surely had to be making a lot off these Spark Screens that schools were using.
He also had a beautiful smile, the sort that made his face light up. Severus had yet to see the mean or mocking looks James Potter had always given him on that face. In fact, he couldn't even imagine Harry looking at anyone with that sort of disgust. Even the one time Harry had yelled at him, he had looked angry, but he hadn't looked at Severus like he was dirt beneath his shoes.
Plus Harry was kind. He never did anything to make Severus feel like an idiot for not understanding his stupid Spark Screen. He had given him back this notebook even though he would have been well within his rights to keep it for himself. He was clearly intelligent if he had managed to design this thing that Severus found so confounding. He was generous enough to donate them to the school.
And he found Severus funny. He joked back. That probably shouldn't have mattered as much as it did, but Severus had met very few people like that in his life. He found himself wanting to get to know the young man better, but he didn't know how to do that without making it seem like he wanted to jump him. Not that Severus didn't also want to do that, of course, but he knew there was no use going down that train of thought. Harry was as close to perfect as a person could get.
He would never be interested in Severus romantically.
Still, he thought about the boy's request to be friends, and he thought maybe that was actually something he could hope for. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone who actually understood him.
He flipped through the letters between him and Lily, once again wondering what he could have written that Harry could have related to so much. He knew he could probably just ask him, but he wanted to see if he could figure it out for himself first.
He mostly complained, it seemed. He complained about Potter and his friends and their practical jokes that were never funny and frequently sent people to the nurse. He complained about the teachers who turned a blind eye to troublemakers as long as they liked them. He complained about the school that cared more for its sports team than it did actually educating people. He complained about his parents and the constant fighting and his fear that one day he was going to come home to find that his father had actually killed his mother.
Severus set the notebook down. That wasn't far off from what happened. He had been away at college when he got the call that his mother was dead. The official story was that she had fallen down the stairs and hit her head, but Severus knew the truth.
His father hadn't even waited for him to return home to have the funeral.
He took a deep breath and turned back to the notebook. He had been such an angsty teenager. Reading between the lines now, Severus could see a young man who desperately wanted to fit in and hated everyone who could do so without even trying. People like Potter and Black walked around like gods, and they didn't even deserve it.
He had thought Lily agreed with him, but looking back now, he could see how her letters were different. She let him vent and validated his feelings, but she didn't complain about the same things he did. She didn't love that the school cared more about sports than anything else, but she didn't hate the athletes like he did. She complained about some of her teachers but also wrote about the ones she liked. His letters were pure darkness. Hers were sunshine trying to poke through the clouds.
Since he was sixteen, he had thought James Potter stole Lily from him. For the first time, he was starting to wonder if he had actually driven her away with his constant negativity.
And yet those notes had made Harry want to get to know him, had made him think they would have been friends. How could that be? Harry was pure goodness it seemed. Why would he be at all interested in getting to know Severus?
Severus hesitated for just a moment before searching for Harry Potter. He probably shouldn't have been surprised at the number of results that showed up. The young man was famous, it seemed. Was Severus the only one who hadn't known this?
Tech genius Harry Potter….
Entrepreneur and philanthropist…
…rivals his late parents' generosity…
Apparently Harry was very well known in the tech community, even somewhat outside of it, if the articles Severus was reading could be believed. He had inherited his parents' fortune when he turned 18, and he had used much of the money to start Spark, a company dedicated to providing the latest technology to schools that needed it the most. His Ignite the Spark campaign, designed to get students interested in careers in technology, had broken records for how much money was raised in such a small amount of time.
When asked about the name of his company, Potter explains, "It's named for that moment when everything changes. One moment you're sitting there in class, hating the world, and then all of a sudden you get a spark of interest in something, and your whole life can change. That's what I want to inspire in others - and not just with technology. We're planning to expand to help students discover talents in all different areas. I just started with the area that interested me most. Plus, the more kids have access to technology, the more they can explore different areas for themselves, and really find what motivates them."
Article after article all said mostly the same thing. Harry Potter was incredibly gifted, and he was passionate about helping students plan a future they were excited about. And apparently he was dedicating a year of his life to working at Hogwarts, where he could oversee the implementation of his latest invention, the Spark Screen.
Sources say he refused to take any payment for the job, just like he refuses to take a salary from his foundation. "My parents left me enough money to be set for the rest of my life, assuming I don't do something stupid," Potter said when asked about this. "I don't need more. I'd rather that money go towards something useful."
Severus hadn't realized he was working for free. He also hadn't realized Harry was so well known, or that he had so much money. He thought about what he would have done at Harry's age with that much money, and he had to admit that helping others would never have crossed his mind.
Harry was a much better person than he was.
How long before he got tired of Severus's darkness just like his mother had?
*~*
Harry had offered to bring breakfast, but Severus had expected a coffee and maybe a croissant. He hadn't expected Harry to come in with a large paper bag almost bursting with pastries.
"Are you feeding the entire school?" Severus asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized that was most assuredly what the plan was. He had thought Harry meant to eat with him, but he was probably bringing something for everyone.
To his surprise, Harry's cheeks reddened as he set the bag down on the student desk closest to Severus's. "Well, I mean, you said you liked chocolate, but there were still a lot of options. I wanted to make sure I got something you liked. Plus there were a few non-chocolate options that looked too good to pass up. Though I guess now that I think about it, this might be a bit…much."
Harry was adorable when he was embarrassed - not that that was a thought Severus should spend too much time on. He couldn't suppress the smile that spread across his face, though, as he stood up and walked over to the desk. "I have to say, no one has ever tried so hard to please me before."
And then it was his turn to blush as he realized how inappropriate that sounded. He half expected Harry to run out of the room at that, but to his surprise, Harry smiled at him and said, "Well, you do seem like a difficult man to please. I'm up for the challenge, though."
There was absolutely no way that Harry meant for that to sound as…flirtatious…as that sounded, was there? Surely he hadn't caught on to Severus's accidental innuendo and he just meant please him as Severus had originally intended - make him happy. Except those green eyes met his and didn't look away, and that playful smile was back on his face. It would only take a few steps to close the gap between them….
But no. He was reading too much into this. There was no way that Harry would welcome anything physical from him. Severus broke eye contact and took a step backwards before gesturing to the bag. "Well, let's see how well you did."
He glanced up at Harry as the young man opened the bag of pastries. For a moment, he could have sworn the young man looked disappointed, but that had to be wishful thinking on his part. Right?
He took the coffee Harry handed him and then watched as Harry spread out the food he had purchased. He had, indeed, seemed to buy some poor coffeehouse out of all their pastries. There were two of everything: chocolate croissant, chocolate chip muffin, double chocolate chip muffin, chocolate chip cookie, some sort of chocolate cake, some sort of puff pastry with chocolate filling, even a cheese danish with some chocolate chips added. There were also a few bagels with cream cheese and butter packets, plus a few cookies that didn't seem to have any chocolate.
"Hopefully there's something here you like," said Harry, setting some napkins and plastic silverware off to the side. He looked embarrassed again, and Severus couldn't tell if it was still because he felt like he bought too much or because he was worried Severus had been trying to flirt with him before.
"This looks great," said Severus, hoping to comfort Harry if it was the first reason but not make things worse if it was the second one. "I can't remember the last time someone bought me breakfast. You are very generous, especially considering you are the one helping me with something. Given my ineptitude with technology, I probably should have bought you breakfast."
As he had hoped, his comment made Harry laugh, and the awkwardness between them disappeared. Harry met his eyes, that bright smile of his back on his face. "Yeah, but this gives me a chance to talk to you, so I'm probably still getting more out of this."
He still thought Severus was worth getting to know? Severus supposed he should have realized nothing would have changed for Harry between yesterday and today, but he had reread those letters, so everything seemed different to him.
He picked up a chocolate croissant and sat back down at his desk with his coffee. Harry sat down at the desk covered in pastries and picked up one of the muffins. Severus watched him eat for a few moments before he realized that staring at the young man's mouth was probably not the best idea. He took a sip of his coffee. It was surprisingly good.
"I read through the notebook last night," he said. "Or most of it, at least. Thank you for sharing it with me. It was…educational…reading it again after all these years."
Harry tilted his head at that. "Um, I'm glad? I mean, it belongs to you, so of course you should have it. I'm sorry I didn't think to give it back to you sooner."
Severus waved away the apology. "It belonged to both me and Lily. She had it last, so it was hers. I'm glad you had something of hers. I intend to return it to you as soon as I finish reading it."
"You don't have to do that," said Harry quickly.
"I want to," said Severus. "It was kind of you to bring it to me, but I want you to have it."
Harry looked like he was about to argue again but then stopped. "Okay. If you're sure. But if you change your mind, I understand."
Severus knew he wouldn't change his mind, but he nodded all the same. He took a few bites of the croissant, which was also quite good, before he finally asked the question he had been wondering all night. "What about those letters made you think we could be friends?"
Harry lowered the coffee he was about to drink, frowning slightly. "What do you mean? Do you…do you think we wouldn't have been? I'd say we get along well now, don't we?"
He looked so worried and yet hopeful that Severus found himself hurrying to say, "Yes, we are getting along well so far." Harry looked relieved at that, which only served to confuse Severus more. "But you have to admit that our dispositions are very different. Our lives are very different. I was so…negative…in those letters to your mother. Reading them back now, it is no wonder she stopped talking to me. You are so much like her. If she could see what a lost cause I was as a friend, surely you can too."
Severus hadn't exactly meant to be quite that forthcoming, but there was something about those bright green eyes that made it hard for him to hide his feelings as much as he normally did.
"From what I've heard, I'm not really like either of my parents," said Harry quietly. "My father was apparently a bully who relied on his ability to play sports to get him through life. My mother turned her back on her best friend and became the sort of person she used to complain about in those letters."
"Your mother was a good person," said Severus, deciding not to bother trying to defend his father. "Just because she didn't want to be my friend anymore didn't mean she was bad. Apparently she went on to teach art to kids. That sounds a lot like you and this mission of yours to get children excited about the future."
Harry gaped at him, though he didn't understand what he said that was so confusing.
"You know who I am?" Harry asked after a moment of awkward staring.
"Harry Potter. You were the one who introduced yourself to me, remember?"
"No, no," said Harry, leaning forward and shaking his head. "I mean, yes, I did. But that's because you didn't seem to know who I was. But now it sounds like you do."
Damn. But no, Severus was smart. He could think of a reasonable explanation for this. "Reading those letters brought up a lot of memories for me. I wanted to see what your mother did after school. And looking up articles about her naturally brought up articles about you."
There, that was even mostly true.
Harry relaxed a bit in his chair, somehow looking both relieved and disappointed, though Severus had no idea how he managed to pull off that look. "You weren't pretending not to know who I was?"
"Of course not," said Severus. "You were just some annoying brat Albus hired to torture me with technology."
Harry smiled at that, though there was still a bit of sadness that Severus couldn't figure out. "I guess it would make sense for you to look her up. She was really important to you at one point. So…you still think well of her? Even after everything that happened between you?"
Severus took another sip of coffee. "I was angry at her for a very long time. Rereading those letters makes me…question my memory of that time. It seems I did not give her as much credit as I should have. Your parents were coming back from a charity event. They couldn't have been all bad. I'm sure they'd be proud of what you're trying to accomplish with this Spark thing."
Harry picked at his muffin. "Thanks." He ate another bite, still looking at the desk, and Severus was at a loss as to why he still seemed sad.
"Do you not think they would be proud?" He wanted to bring that smile back, but he couldn't do that if he didn't understand the problem. Was his darkness already spreading to Harry? Should he just kick him out of his room right now?
"What?" Harry looked up, confusion clear on his face. He shook his head and looked back at the muffin. "Oh, no. I mean, I don't know. Remus and Sirius have already said they would be. And Professor Dumbledore said it a bunch, too. And some of the other professors I've talked to who knew them. So I guess they're probably right."
"Why do you seem upset all of a sudden then?"
Harry slumped down in his seat more, cheeks pink and shoulders up near his ears. Whatever it was clearly embarrassed him, which made Severus even more interested. "I guess it just seems like I made your life worse giving you that notebook. I'm sorry. If I had had friends growing up, I would have wanted it. I guess I just assumed you would, too."
"I am very glad you gave me the notebook," said Severus softly, surprised by how much he meant it. "I have harbored resentment towards your mother for quite some time. Rereading those letters let me realize that resentment was misplaced. I can let go of some of the anger I've carried around with me for a long time. I'd say that's a good thing."
"It sounds like you just turned it on yourself instead," said Harry, meeting his gaze. "Do you really think so poorly of yourself from back then? You didn't seem mean or dark to me. You just sounded like someone who saw life for what it really is. You shouldn't have to pretend everything's fine when it's not, at least not all of the time. And it seemed like she was the one person you could share that with."
Severus studied Harry for a moment. Harry, who almost always had a smile on his face, who had brought in half a pastry shop because he wanted to make Severus happy, didn't want to pretend everything was perfect all the time.
"You think life is as bleak as I made it out to be in those letters?" he asked.
Harry finished his muffin and reached for a second one. "I mean, not all the time, obviously. Not even most of the time. But when I was younger, yeah, it seemed that way. And it seemed like I was the only one who felt that way. Everyone else seemed to have family who cared about them and friends to hang out with. Even the teacher's pets at least had teachers who liked them. It seemed like there must be something wrong with me that I didn't have any of that, at least not until I came here. That's when things started to change. But reading your letters, I don't know, it was like someone else finally understood how I had felt for so long. It made me feel like I wasn't alone."
Severus didn't know what to say to that. He desperately wanted to ask Harry more about his life, wanted to comfort him if he truly felt as miserable as Severus had been in those letters, but he didn't know if he had the right to ask anything. He didn't want to pry…but then again, would Harry have brought this up if he didn't want to talk about it? He had said he wanted to be friends, that Severus made him feel less alone. Surely that meant he could ask questions?
"Sorry," said Harry, pushing the half-eaten muffin away and getting out of his seat. "I don't know what I was thinking. You don't want to listen to me ramble. Sorry for bothering you. I- this- I'm sorry."
He moved so fast that he was halfway to the door before Severus could process what had just happened. He shot from his chair and hurried toward Harry. "Harry, wait, please–"
He reached out and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, hoping to stop his retreat. Harry stopped moving but still didn't turn to look at him.
"I'm sorry," Harry said again, softer this time. "I didn't mean to make things awkward. I shouldn't have said anything."
"You didn't make anything awkward," said Severus, keeping his voice just as soft, as if he would frighten the young man away if he spoke at a normal volume. "I am not a man with many friends. I speak to my colleagues about work, rarely anything else. I'm afraid I don't know how to respond when someone shares something more personal. I didn't want to pry, but I also didn't want you to think I didn't care. I'm afraid I took too long trying to think of the proper response. I'm sorry."
To his relief, when Harry turned to face him, there was a small smile on his face. "I guess that's one of the benefits of the notebook - you can plan out what you want to say in advance."
Severus removed his hand from Harry's shoulder, not wanting to risk overstepping. "I'm glad you see the purpose of something other than technology."
"You say that as if texts and emails don't exist," said Harry, but his smile was bigger now.
"Those still come with pressure to respond quickly," he said. "With the notebook, you had at least an entire class period to respond."
"So what you're saying is I should come back later and then we can continue this discussion when you've had more time to think?"
"That is one option," said Severus. "Another is that we try again now, and you remember that I am unskilled at the art of friendship."
Harry's eyes softened at that. "I don't know. You seem pretty good at it to me."
Severus allowed himself precisely three seconds of looking into Harry's eyes before he forced himself to turn away. Harry might have forgiven him for not knowing the right words to say, but he very much doubted he would forgive him for kissing him.
He grabbed himself another pastry and sat back down, happy when Harry did the same. Of course, now that he had convinced the young man to stay, he still had to figure out the right thing to say.
"You said you moved in with your godfather when you were a teenager?"
Harry nodded. "When I was fifteen. He got me enrolled here my sophomore year."
"Where did you live before then?"
"With my aunt and uncle."
"Petunia?"
Harry's eyes went wide, then he laughed. "Somehow it didn't occur to me that you would have known her, too."
"She was a nightmare," said Severus. "She was annoyed that she didn't have the grades to get into Hogwarts, and she spent a lot of time trying to ridicule your mother, as if being a student here meant she thought she was better than everyone else. She was always starting fights over nothing. Lily tried to be friends with her for the longest time, but the last I heard, she had given up."
"Yeah, that sounds like my aunt," said Harry. "She hated me. My uncle and cousin did, too. I never really knew why. I never did anything to them. They hated having me there, reminded my all the time how lucky I was that they let me stay there. My cousin and his friends spent half their free time chasing me, beating me up when they could catch me. The teachers must have noticed, but no one said or did anything. It was hard to concentrate in class because they'd throw things at me when the teachers weren't looking, and I couldn't do my homework a lot of the time because I had chores to do or, well, other things. And all the other kids knew Dudley and his friends hated me, so they stayed away from me, too. Didn't want to risk Dudley thinking they liked me and having him turn his attention to them instead."
Severus felt his heart break for Harry. "That's close to what it was like for me," he said. "Except at least I had your mother, at least until the last year or two here."
"See, that's the opposite of me," said Harry. "Once I came here, I was finally free of Dudley. I didn't have distractions at home, so I could actually do the work. I made friends for the first time in my life. Plus I could actually take computer classes. It was the first time I was ever actually good at anything."
"I'm glad Hogwarts was a positive experience for you," said Severus. "Is that why you're back now?"
Harry nodded. "This place has always sort of felt like home to me, even though I didn't go here very long. When I wanted to test the Spark Screens, it just made sense to come back here. It felt like my chance to give something back." He glanced at the Spark Screen and then back at Severus and let out a small laugh. "Guess you'd have preferred I hadn't though."
"I find myself minding less than I originally did."
He wanted to regret saying something so ridiculously sappy, but the warm look Harry gave him was worth it.
"Glad to hear it," Harry said, just as softly.
And then his cell phone rang, startling them both.
Harry bashed his knee on the desk as he fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket. Severus tried not to feel too disappointed as he listened to Harry promise someone he would come help with their computer problem.
"Sorry," Harry said when he was off the phone. He stood up and put the phone back in his pocket, then picked up his coffee. "I have to take care of that. And there will probably be more after that. Probably shouldn't spend all day in here chatting."
"If rumors are to believed, you're not getting paid," Severus reminded him. "It's not as if they could fire you."
He expected Harry to laugh. He didn't expect that soft smile again, as if Harry had seen through the joke to the truth underneath: that Severus didn't want him to leave.
"No, but you're still working. Plus I really should go. Maybe if you save me some pastries, I can try to come back this afternoon." The playful smile was back.
Severus looked at the daunting pile of pastries and snorted. "I trust I can refrain from eating them all today. You have enough there to last the rest of the week."
"Guess I'll just have to come back tomorrow, too."
"I guess you will."
Harry practically skipped out the door.
*~*
To Severus's surprise, Harry did come back later that day.
And the next morning.
And the next.
And pretty soon, they had a routine.
He brought fresh coffee each morning, and he brought new pastries every day after the first. Seerus was touched to see that Harry had paid attention to which pastries he seemed to enjoy most, and he started bring just those. They would drink their coffee and chat while they ate. Then Harry would go about his day, and Severus would go back to preparing for the new school year. Harry would stop by again at the end of the day, as well, though that was when he generally checked on Severus's progress with the Spark Screen, offering tips whenever possible.
Severus found himself dreading the start of the school year more than he normally did, sure that these little chats of theirs would end. They would both be busier during the day, and there would be more students around. It wouldn't do for them to see Severus spending so much time with a young mn who was closer to their age than his own.
Not that they had done anything inappropriate. They had just talked.
A lot.
Harry told him about his love of technology and explained why he felt so strongly that it could help make the world a better place, even with all of the downsides associated with it. Severus told him about why he loved chemistry so much, how he had enjoyed the science classes in general, as he liked understanding what made the world work, but chemistry had always been his best subject.
Harry told him about his time at university and what it was like to start a foundation, how it was scary at first but now he liked knowing he was helping people. Others were in charge of the actual day to day stuff, of course, but Harry and his friends had started it. Apparently his friend Hermione got most of the credit for looking up all the rules around setting it up. Severus had actually taught her, and while she had been slightly annoying as a student, he couldn't deny that she was incredibly intelligent. He could understand how she would have been a huge asset when it came to starting up a foundation.
Severus told him about his own time at university, how nice it was to start over, even if he was no more popular there than he had been at Hogwarts. He had had surface level friends, at least, and it had been nice getting away from home. He enjoyed being on his own and not having to worry about someone else.
Harry told him a bit more about growing up with his aunt and uncle, how looking back, he was surprised they had even let him leave with Sirius. They hated him but had to know that his father would leave him money. He told him that he had grown up in the cupboard under the stairs, barely getting enough to eat, always worried about being hit.
And he told Harry about his father, how nothing Severus did was ever good enough. How he used to stay up late listening to his parents fight, how he used to run in and try to stop it whenever his mother was in danger. How his one fear when he went away to college was that he would no longer be there to stop him.
How his fear had come true during his last year of college.
Severus had only ever talked to Albus about this before. The man kept tabs on many of his students, and he had seen her death notice in the paper, and he had attended the funeral. Severus hadn't expected that, hadn't expected the headmaster to even remember who he was, but it had been nice to have someone there with him.
He hadn't intended to tell Harry, but he already knew from the letters what his father was like. Plus he had been so open about his own life that it felt natural for Severus to share his own story, as well. He thought he would feel worse after, as he normally did the few times he tried to share personal information with others, but the shame never came. Harry had put a hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze, offering Severus more comfort with that one gesture than anyone else had in his entire life.
He had only known Harry for two weeks, but it felt like longer. He spun his chair around and looked at the Spark Screen standing at the front of the room. To think how much he had hated this thing when it first arrived, and now he found himself cheering its existence, as it had brought him the two best weeks of his life.
But that was coming to an end. It was Friday afternoon, and school started on Monday. Dark storm clouds filled the sky, making it appear as though it was much later than it actually was, as if the universe was also recognizing that this was a horrible, miserable day. Try as he might to tell himself that Harry would still be there, that he would still see him, he knew everything was about to change. He might still see Harry occasionally, but it wouldn't be every day, and it certainly wouldn't be twice a day. He hadn't had a friend like this since Lily, and now that he had that in his life again, he didn't want to give it up.
Except it wasn't just friendship he felt for Harry. He had tried to deny his feelings, but there was no use. He was slowly falling in love with the young man. He didn't understand. He had never felt like this before. He had had a few relationships at university, and every few years he got desperate enough to find someone at a bar to take home for the night, but he had never before felt such a strong need to be near someone else.
He wanted to spend as much time as he could with Harry. He enjoyed talking to him, loved the way his eyes lit up when he was happy, loved how special he felt when that smile was directed at him. He wanted see those eyes fill with desire, wanted to feel that mouth pressed against his. He wanted to hold Harry close and protect him from the world, wanted to be the one he went home to each night, the one he woke up with each morning.
It wasn't so hard to imagine a life together. They would grab breakfast at that coffee place on the way to work, talking in the car about their plans fon the day. They would part ways when they got to school, though they would have lunch together in one of their rooms. They would ride home at the end of the day and talk about how their day had gone. They would go home and have dinner, relax, make love, and fall asleep in each other's arms.
And yet just as easy as it was to fantasize about that future, it was just as easy to remind himself that that would never happen. Easier, really.
Because Harry was perfect. He was kind and beautiful and sexy and generous and intelligent and fascinating. He was also young, way too young. He probably wouldn't think about settling down for quite some time, and when he did, Severus was sure he would find a more suitable partner. It wasn't as if it would be hard for him to find someone better than Severus.
And yet sometimes it seemed like Harry returned his feelings. After all, he came to Severus's room twice a day. He brought him breakfast. He was almost always smiling at Severus, and it was often with that soft, affectionate look in his eyes that Severus had never seen directed at someone else. Not that he often saw Harry with others, of course, but it had happened a few times, and every time it had, Severus had noticed drastic differences between how Harry treated others versus how he treated Severus.
Harry was always kind and polite, but he didn't seem as vibrant around everyone else. But that was probably just wishful thinking. Harry viewed him as a friend, nothing more.
Not that Severus wasn't grateful to have Harry as a friend. He knew even that much was more than he deserved. That was part of why he was sure the start of the year would the end of their friendship. Surely Harry had to realize Severus wasn't worth keeping around.
And yet thirty minutes before the end of the day, there was Harry swiping his badge and bouncing into his room as if it was his room, too. He jumped as a particularly loud bit of thunder boomed, but he recovered quickly enough.
"Hey," said Harry. "Monday's the big day. Haw are you feeling? Any last minute questions I can answer, or anything you need help with?
He's asking now because he knows he won't see me on Monday, thought Severus. Then he did his best to push that thought away. If this was his last chance to talk to Harry, he wanted to make the best of it.
"I believe I have it under control," said Severus, and he was surprised to realize that was mostly true. Harry hadn't just spent the last few weeks getting to know him. He actually had taught him how to use that blasted Spark Screen.
"Can I see? Harry asked, taking a seat at the front of the room.
Severus frowned slightly. "See what? Proof that I know what I'm doing?"
"Of course not!" said Harry quickly, shaking his head and waving his hands dismissively. "Obviously you know what you're doing. I just meant, like, could I see a little bit of what it would be like to be in your class? I was never very good at chemistry, but I'm interested to see what you're like when you're teaching."
"I warn you, it involves far more yelling than you're used to from me."
Harry laughed. I'll miss his laugh.
"You don't have to pretend that I'm a student," he said, still smiling. "You don't have to do anything at all, really. I just, well, thought it would be nice to learn something about something you care about. You know a lot about technology now. All I know about chemistry is salt is NaCl, and I don't even actually remember what that stands for."
Warmth flooded Severus. Harry wanted to learn about something he cared about. He wouldn't do that if he was planning to never see him again, would he?
"If that's all you know, I'm afraid my class is far too advanced for you," said Severus. "However, since you were so generous as to provide me with remedial Spark Screen lessons, I suppose I can give remedial chemistry lessons."
"Brilliant," said Harry. "You can even teach me using the Spark Screen. You know, to make sure your skills are where they should be by now."
"So really you are giving me homework, Mr. Potter?"
"I was thinking more like a pop quiz. Unless you have somewhere to be. Then it can be homework."
Severus wasn't sure which to choose: prolonged time with Harry now or a promise for another visit in the future.
"I am not one to back down from a challenge. I can teach you now. I make no promises about not giving you homework, however. Just to make sure you were really paying attention, of course."
"Of course. That's only fair. Do you have any paper I could use to borrow notes? I seem to have left my phone back in my office."
"It's a good thing some of us still cling to the old ways," said Severus, getting Harry a pen and some paper from his desk, even though he was half sure the man was joking.
It had been years since he had taught a beginner chemistry class, and he wasn't exactly sure where to start. Eventually he decided to go over the parts of an atom. Harry followed along, a look of delight on his face as he took in everything Severus said. He was even actually using the pen and paper Severus had given him to take notes. Severus, for his part, did his best to include various elements of the Spark Screen, using his knowledge of the subject and Harry's board to try to make his lesson entertaining - something he never worried about with his actual students.
He didn't know why he was surprised when Harry interrupted him to ask questions, but he had to admit it was nice to see how interested Harry was. And to think Harry wanted to learn because he knew Severus cared about the subject…no, best not think about that too much. That was probably just what friends did, and Severus didn't have enough experience with friendship to know that.
As he taught, the lightning outside got brighter, the thunder louder, as the storm seemed to get closer. Storms had never bothered Severus - he actually generally found them relaxing as long as he was safe inside like he was now - but he noticed Harry's smile dimming a bit, and he jumped whenever there was thunder. He kept glancing to the windows, even though Severus always kept the blinds closed so students couldn't get distracted looking outside.
"Would you like to continue this another day?" Severus asked, concerned.
"Sorry," said Harry, looking back to Severus with a sheepish look on his face. "I don't like storms very much. I promise I'm paying attention."
"It's not your attention I"m worried about," said Severus softly, taking a few steps closer to Harry. "I'd say you should head home, but I don't think you should drive in this if you're nervous. I would be happy to drive you, if you would like?"
Harry shook his head, jumping again at another bout of thunder. "I'd rather wait inside until it passes, assuming it does. I mean, obviously it will at some point. If you want to get home, though, I completely understand. I can go wait in my office–"
"I am happy to stay as long as you are," said Severus. "I wouldn't leave you alone in a storm when it is clearly upsetting you."
"Yeah, but it shouldn't bother me," said Harry, standing up and leaning against his deck, wrapping his arms around himself. He was half-facing Severus, half-facing the nearest window. "You're not supposed to to be scared of storms as an adult."
The words were spoken quietly, but Severus still heard them, and he longed to take the self-hatred out of the young man's tone. "I don't recall seeing that rule in the Hogwarts Handbook," he said.
Harry gave him a small smile, but he still looked upset. "Some rules are so obvious they don't need to be written down."
"Adults have fears just like anyone else," said Severus.
"You don't see like the type who's afraid of anything," Harry said softly.
Severus snorted. He was afraid of so many things, at the moment. Afraid that trying to comfort Harry would reveal his true feelings. Afraid that revealing his true feelings would remove Harry from his life all together. Afraid of never seeing Harry again. Afraid of keeping Harry in his life and having to watch him fall in love with someone else. Afraid of never again feeling as happy and whole as he did when he was talking to Harry.
"Amusement park rides," he said instead, knowing that emotional fears weren't what Harry would have wanted to hear even if he hadn't been the focus of them.
Harry looked surprised at that. "Really?"
Severus nodded. "I went with your mother once when we were younger. I hadn't wanted to go, but she thought it would be good for me. Fun. So I went. The ferris wheel was tolerable, but all the rest of them went so fast. All I could think about what how little time they probably had to set up the rides and how unsturdy they had to be if they traveled around the country putting them up, and I just pictured them breaking and being thrown to my death. Your mother could see how upset I was, and she tried to get them to stop the ride early, but they didn't hear her, so I was stuck for what felt like hours, though I realize it must only have been minutes. I have never set foot on another ride since then, and even now, as an adult, if I get too close to certain rides, it's like I'm right back there, so I simply refuse to go at all."
Not that he had anyone to attend fairs with, but that was a different matter.
"I'm sorry," said Harry, reaching out to put a hand on Severus's shoulder. "Both that that happened to you and that my comment made you feel you had to talk about something that was clearly upsetting."
Severus knew the hand on his arm meant nothing - it was the same sort of thing Albus would do - but he felt his heart rate pick up a bit anyway. Harry was so close, yes so far at the same time.
"While I don't often tell that story, it's not one that I'm ashamed of," said Severus. "LIke I said - adults are allowed to have fears, too."
"Thank you, Severus," said Harry softy, smiling up at him.
He was so close…and was it Severus's imagination, or was he getting closer?
And then there was an incredibly loud boom of thunder, and the power went out completely, leaving them alone in the dark.
*~*
Severus felt Harry jump pack, and he cursed the storm for its poor timing, his heart racing. For a moment there, it had almost seemed as though Harry had been about to – but no, he must have been wrong. Maybe the storm had perfect timing. Maybe it had just saved him from reading too much into Harry's movements and doing something that would destroy their friendship forever.
"I suppose that probably doesn't help the fear of storms," said Severus.
"Y-yeah," said Harry, but he sounded strange. Like he was having trouble breathing.
Severus took a step forward, reaching out in the darkness. "Harry? Are you okay?" His hands found Harry's shoulders, and the young man definitely seemed to be trembling, his breathing shallower than it should have been.
"F-fine," he managed. "N-not….huge fan…dark…"
"Let me open the blinds." Severus immediately turned and fumbled his way to the nearest window. He bumped into several desks on his way, but he finally managed. Thanks to the storm, it was only marginally less dark outside than it was inside, but Severus hoped it was better than nothing. He hurried to open the other blinds and then rushed back to Harry, who hadn't moved.
"Here, it's a little less dark over here," said Severus, placing his hands gently on Harry's shoulders and trying to steer him to that side of the room. Harry was shaking so much he had trouble walking, but they eventually managed.
"Cell phone?" Harry asked when they had made it to the wall with the windows.
"I don't have one," said Severus.
Harry let out what was probably meant to sound like a laugh. "Figures…left mine…in office."
"I can go get it for you if you think it will help?" Severus offered. "I"m not sure how long the power will be out."
"So dark out there," said Harry, who was still shaking.
"I can manage," said Severus.
He could vaguely make out Harry shaking his head. "Don't leave….please…"
Severus's heart clenched. He hated seeing Harry so scared, but he wasn't sure how to help. "Why don't I go see if anyone is in the one the surrounding classrooms. It's late, but many will have stayed for some last minute prep. I will just be gone a few moments. If no one in the surrounding classrooms has anything that can help, I will be right back."
"O-ok."
Severus reached out and took Harry's hand and squeezed it. "I promise, I will be right back."
Harry squeezed it back.
Severus made his way to the front of the classroom as fast as he could, glad that he was not one of those teachers who rearranged their room all the time. He knew the path to take, knew exactly where the door was. He reached for the handle, trying to decide which colleague to try first, when he realized there was a new problem.
The door wouldn't open.
He tried again.
Nothing.
They were locked in.
"S-severus?" Harry's voice was higher, more panicked than before.
"I"m here," he said, pulling on the door even harder. It didn't budge. He tried pounding on it, hoping the sound would alert someone in the hallway.
"Sev?"
Any other day, Severus would have enjoyed hearing his name shortened like that, but now all he could hear was the panic in Harry's voice.
"I'm here, Harry." He turned and hurried back to where Harry was, his eyes adjusting to the darkness a little.
Harry's breathing was more erratic, louder as he fought to take in more air. His back was pressed against the wall, and even in the dark, Severus could see he was shaking more than ever. He hurried forward and grabbed for Harry's hands as the young man slumped to the floor. Severus knelt down in front of him.
"Harry. I'm here. It's okay. We're safe. You're safe."
"Locked…in…" Harry managed, though Severus couldn't be sure if it was a statement or a question.
Severus reached out for Harry's hands again, and this time he managed to grab them. Harry was still trembling, but he didn't seem to be fighting to get away from Severus, so Severus held on and started rub his thumbs gently over the backs of Harry's hands.
"Yes, the doors seemed to have gotten stuck in the lock position when the power went out. But it's okay. We'll be fine. I'm sure the doors will open when the power turns back on. In the meantime, I'm here with you, and I won't let anything happen to you. Okay? Listen to me, Harry, You're safe."
Severus hadn't exactly received any training on what to do when someone was having what was clearly some sort of panic attack, so he just tried to do for Harry what LIly had done for him all those years ago.
"Trapped…alone…bad…"
It felt like Harry was trying to shrink in on himself. Severus didn't know if he should let him so he felt safe and somewhat in control or if that would make things worse. He hesitated a moment before shiting so he was sitting next to Harry instead of in front of him. One hand still held Harry's, but he moved the other hand to the young man's back and rubbed circles on it instead, remembering how it had helped when Lily had done that.
"You're not alone," said Severus. "I'm here with you. You're safe. Can you hear me, Harry? It's me, Severus"
Harry didn't answer immediately, but he also didn't try to get away from Severus. "Safe?"
Severus nodded even though he was sure Harry couldn't see him. "Yes, Harry, safe. It's dark, but it's okay. I'm here with you. Listen to my voice. Do you know where you are?"
"Y-your…room…" Harry was still having trouble breathing, but he twisted his hands so he could grab on to Severus's. Severus squeezed back with the one Harry was now holding, continuing to rub circles on his back with the other one.
"That's right," said Severus, encouraged by the fact that Harry was now holding his hand and seemed to know where he was. "You're in my classroom at Hogwarts. We're perfectly safe."
He kept murmuring some variation of that sentiment as he waited for Harry's breathing to return to normal. Thankfully, it didn't take as long as he thought it would. WHen he did, though, he only relaxed for a few seconds. Then he pulled away from Severus completely, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
"I'm sorry," Harry mumbled into his knees.
Severus hated the misery he heard in Harry's voice. He hesitated and then moved closer, though this time he didn't touch him.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Weren't we just talking about how adults are allowed to be afraid of things?"
"There's a difference between jumping a little and…that." Harry's voice was still slightly muffled as he kept his head down. "I knew you were here. I knew you would never hurt me. But I still…."
"Lots of people experience panic attacks," said Severus. "That's nothing to be ashamed about."
"It means I'm weak and pathetic," said Harry.
"No, it means you had a panic attack." He couldn't help it. He reached out and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, hoping to add comfort, not make things worse. "Many people get them for a variety of reasons. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or that you are weak. It just means you have an obstacle to deal with that others do not. Much as I have to deal with a hatred of technology in a world where everyone wants to go more and more hi-tech."
Harry let out a small laugh. "It's not the same, but thank you." He turned his head toward Severus, and Severus hoped the small bit of light from the window helped Harry as much as it helped him. "You…you don't think less of me because of this?"
"Of course not," said Severus. He wanted to pull Harry into his arms and reassure him that way, but he doubted that would be appropriate, so he settled for giving Harry's shoulder a squeeze, as the young man hadn't seemed to mind his touch there.
"That was actually pretty mild compared to how they can sometimes be," said Harry.
"Do you have them often?"
Harry shook his head. "No. And I"m not afraid of the dark in general. Like, when I go to bed, I turn the lights off. It's just when they go out with no warning, like this. Plus the thunder didn't help. It was so loud. And then being trapped in a room with no way out, especially a dark room. It just reminds me so much of…"
He trailed off, but he had told Severus enough about his home life as a child that he could guess. "Your aunt and uncle?"
Harry nodded. "My bedroom was the cupboard under the stairs for most of my life. Sleeping there was one thing. That didn't really bother me. It was when I was locked in there as punishment. That was the worst. They'd keep me locked in there for days sometimes. In the beginning, I could get out, but they caught me doing that one night and made it so I couldn't get out unless they let me. It was horrible."
Severus had never wanted to murder anyone as much as he wanted to murder Harry's relatives. His hands instinctively balled into fists, which was unfortunate since one was still on Harry's shoulder. He managed to stop himself before he caused Harry any pain, but he removed his hands completely, just in case.
"I wish I could have been there to stop it," said Severus, hoping he managed to keep the anger out of his voice. He didn't want to frighten Harry further.
"I just wish I didn't let it bother me still," said Harry. "I don't think about it often anymore. Just when something like this happens."
"Something horrible happened to you. You are allowed to be upset about it. You have certainly seen how long I hold grudges."
Harry let out that soft laugh again. It wasn't anywhere near the way he laughed when he was happy, but somehow knowing he made Harry laugh even a little when he was in this state made Severus feel prouder than he had of any other accomplishment in his life.
"How do you do it?" Harry muttered softly.
"Do what?"
"Make it seem like it's okay to be me, flaws and all." The words were whispered, but Severus heard every word. "Sirirus and Remus try, but I can tell I'm not what they thought I'd be. My friends tried to be supportive once I came here, but they couldn't understand, and somehow I always ended up having to be strong for them, too, so they wouldn't get awkward or upset. It just got easier to pretend to be happy all the time, because that's who everyone wanted me to be.
"But it's different with you. I don't feel like I have to pretend. Even now, when I'm at my worst, you're making me feel like it's okay somehow."
Severus's chest filled with warmth at Harry's words. "In the span of two weeks, you have somehow made an old man like me feel like there is still good in this world, something I had long ago stopped believing. I am honored to know I have been able to give even the slightest bit of that back to you."
"You're not old," said Harry, his voice stronger than it had been since the lights went out. He shifted so he could put his hand on Severus's arm. "It's just your hatred of technology that makes you feel like you're old, but we're working through that."
Severus's laugh was louder than he expected, amplified by his relief that Harry was now the one making jokes, his surprise that Harry did not consider him old, and his joy that Harry was the one reaching out this time. "Is that what makes someone old?"
Harry nodded. "Lucky for you, I got here just in time to stop that from happening to you."
"What would I ever do without you?" He meant to continue the teasing, but the words sounded more sincere than he had meant them.
Harry didn't seem to mind. As he brought his other hand to join the first on Severus's arm, he said, "If it were up to me, you'd never find out."
Severus's heart was beating louder in his chest, and suddenly he was the one having difficulty breathing. He had to be misinterpreting Harry's behavior somehow. And yet this was the second time today that Harry seemed to be moving closer. "That sounds acceptable."
Harry was definitely getting closer. He slid so he was perpendicular to Severus, his leg bent and pressed against Severus's as he reached up and brought his right hand up to Seveurs's cheek, cupping it softly and turning it just slightly so Severus's face was turned to his.
"Is this okay?" Harry whispered, and he sounded just as nervous as Severus felt.
"Yes," Severus whispered back, terrified of accidentally doing something that would ruin this.
And then Harry pressed his lips to Severus's, and he lost the ability to think.
Harry let out a moan as Severus deepened the kiss, reaching out and pulling Harry closer, shifting so he could wrap his arms around Harry's waist as Harry's fingers tangled in his hair.
He couldn't remember the last time anyone had kissed him, and he was fairly certain he had never been kissed like this, like no matter how close they got wasn't enough. Having Harry's body pressed against his, their tongues exploring each other's mouths, felt better than anything else in his life ever had, and even that paled in comparison to the desire that shot through him every time Harry let out a soft moan, proving that he was enjoying this just as much as Severus was.
He needed Harry closer, and either Harry had the same idea or Severus had actually pulled Harry into his lap. He wasn't sure which it was, but suddenly Harry was straddling him, taking advantage of the position to pull Severus even closer. Severus did the same thing, unable to prevent a moan of his own from escaping as Harry's fully clothed erection pressed against his own. Harry let out a moan of his own and then intentionally moved his hips so it happened again.
"Oh, Sev–" Harry whimpered softly, his arms wrapped around Severus's neck while Severus's were wrapped around Harry's waist, pulling him closer.
"Harry," Severus moaned as he shifted so he could place kisses along Harry's jow, working his way over to his throat and continuing the exploration there.
Harry threw his head back, giving Severus better access. Then he changed his mind, grabbing Severus's face and kissing him instead. His hands roamed Severus's chest and reached around his back to pull him closer, leaving Severus free to run his fingers through Harry's hair as he held him close.
Harry kissed his way around Severus's face and then back up to his mouth, still rocking his hips into Severus's. "You feel so good," Harry whispered against his lips before letting out another moan. "God, Sev…."
"You're perfect, Harry," Severus whispered back between kisses.
Harry whimpered again at that, and his kisses somehow got even more heated than they had been before. His hands journeyed further south, pausing at Severus's belt. Harry pulled back just slightly, breathing heavily. "Can I- would it be okay–"
"Anything you want."
Harry kissed him again as he undid his belt and slid down his zipper. Then Severus let out his loudest moan yet when Harry's hand suddenly engulfed his cock, pulling it free from the clothing that was holding it back.
"Harry…." Severus moaned, resting his head on Harry's shoulder momentarily as he fought the urge to come right then and there. Then he was kissing Harry again, and his hands journeyed to Harry's own pants. "Can I–"
But before he could even get the question out, Harry was undoing his own pants, and Severus laughed softly, pleased at his eagerness. Once he was free, his hands returned to Severus, one on his dick and one on the back of his neck, holding Severus close enough to return the kisses, not that he needed help. He wrapped one arm around Harry's back to help keep him upright and then wrapped his other hand around Harry's dick.
Harry moaned again as Severus stroked him, the hand at Severus's neck pulling him closer, his movements getting more frantic as he tried to thrust up into Severus's hand. "God, yes, Sev, please, please–"
Hearing Harry's pleas was almost better than feeling Harry's hand on him. Combined, they nearly pushed Severus over the edge right there. A simple handjob shouldn't have been the most erotic experience he had ever had, but somehow, with Harry, it was. He never wanted this to stop, couldn't imagine Harry leaving this room, possibly leaving his life to go find someone else. He belonged right here, like this, with Severus - forever.
"Mine," he growled against Harry's lips. For a quarter of a second, he realized he probably shouldn't have voiced that thought out loud, but then Harry let out a strangled cry and came all over his hands, pushing all other thoughts from Severus's mind. Feeling Harry twitch in his arms as his orgasm hit him, his hand still stroking Severus as he did so, his little gasps and moans, had Severus coming a moment later, moaning Harry's name as he did.
Severus wasn't sure how long they sat there, their hands still loosely grasping each other, both wet and sticky, their foreheads pressed together as they tried to get their breathing under control. He knew they should do their best to clean up, that they should redo their pants in case someone actually showed up to get them out of this room, but he couldn't move, couldn't risk doing anything that would force Harry to come to his senses and realize what a horrible mistake he had just made.
Harry moved first, but to Severus's relief, it was press his lips to Severus's in a gentle kiss. Severus kissed him back, using his non-messy hand to cup Harry's face, rubbing his thumb around Harry's cheek as he wiped his other hand off on his pants. He was relieved when he felt Harry smile and kiss him again.
"That was even better than I had hoped it would be," Harry whispered, sounding shy.
Warmth flooded through Severus again. "You've been thinking about us?"
It was too dark to confirm, but Severus assumed from Harry's tone that he was blushing. "I mean, yeah, maybe a few times." Then his voice changed, gaining a slight tinge of fear. "Have you not? Was this just…"
His voice trailed off, and he started to pull back, and Severus hurried to pull him closer, kissing him again to reassure him. "I tried not to think about you like this because I never dared to hope you would be interested in an old man like me."
"Not old. Technologically challenged, remember?"
Severus was relieved to hear the happy teasing back in Harry's voice. He chuckled. "Yes, how could I forget?"
Harry hesitated for just a moment before leaning forward and kissing him again. When he pulled back this time, he still sounded worried, but less so than before. "Does that mean that we can do this again? Not necessarily on the floor of your classroom, obviously, but…"
Severus laughed louder that time. "Anywhere you'd like. You are more incredible than I ever could have imagined, and I don't just mean your body, though that is perfect." He kissed Harry's forehead that time, then rested his own against Harry's. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met. You manage to be kind without being a pushover, intelligent without being condescending, beautiful without being conceited. You deserve so much better than me."
The last sentence was whispered, but he knew Harry still heard him. Harry wiped his hands off on his jeans and then placed both hands on Severus's face, waiting for Severus to meet his gaze. Harry's eyes must have adjusted to the dark also, for he didn't say anything until Severus's eyes met his.
"You have no idea how amazing you," said Harry softly. "I told you about finding those letters between you and my mother, but I don't think you really understand how much your letters meant to me. I was supposed to be learning about her, but you were the one I could relate to. I was devastated that I finally found someone I could relate to and it turned out to be some man twenty years older than me, someone I would probably never get a chance to see or talk to, someone who I was sure would think of me as the son of his worst enemy at best.
"But then I actually got to meet you, and you were everything I had hoped you would be. You're sarcastic and smart and funny. You don't tolerate stupidity. You want the best for your students even though you go around pretending to hate everyone. You do your best to make me happy without ever making feel like I need to pretend to be happy. You let me be sad or scared without making me feel less for it. I think you might be one of the only people in my life who looks at me and actually sees me. Most people just see some sort of tech genius, or a kid with a lot of money. My aunt and uncle saw a problem they needed to get rid of. I think even Sirius and Remus look at me and see my father, or at least they try to. Really, I think they're looking for my father and keep getting disappointed when all they see is me."
"Anyone who looks at you and is disappointed needs to get their eyes examined. Possibly also their head."
Harry's smile widened and then he kissed Severus again. This time when they pulled apart, Harry didn't sit back up. Instead, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Severus's waist, laying his head on the older man's shoulder so he could bury his face in his neck. "That's what I mean," he said softly, smiling when Severus shivered as Harry's breath touched his skin. "You're the only one who looks at me and is happy to see me. Just me."
Severus wrapped his arms around Harry, as well, leaning his head so it rested against Harry's. "I can't imagine that is true, but I am not in the habit of talking people out of something that benefits me, so I suppose I shall allow you to live in your delusional world where I am your best choice of romantic partner."
He had half a second to worry that "partner" was too serious a word when Harry snuggled closer. "The very best, yes."
Severus kissed the top of Harry's head and held him tighter. "Definitely delusional."
But he had never been happier.
*~*
By the time they finally thought to move, they were both cold and sticky, and Severus was sure they would be covered in questionable stains as soon as the lights came back on. Severus always kept a spare outfit in his room in case there was an incident in the practical section of the course, so he changed into that and then passed Harry his coat to wear if ever they got out, as it was large enough on him that it would hide evidence of their previous activities.
They returned to their spots leaning against the wall. Severus was sure his body would yell at him for that later, but he didn't care. It was worth it when Harry curled into his side, allowing Severus to wrap his arms around him.
"I'm glad I decided to come back to Hogwarts," Harry said, running his hand across Severus's chest. Severus couldn't determine a pattern, but he enjoyed it. He started doing the same thing on Harry's back, causing the young man to shiver happily.
"As am I."
"Even if you have to use the Spark Screen because of me?" Harry tilted his head up so he could poke Severus's chin with his nose.
"As long as I get to use other things also, I suppose I can forgive you." Severus tilted his head down so he could capture Harry's lips in another kiss.
"I mean, I am here to make your life easier. Just let me know how I can service you."
The seduction aspect took a slight hit when Harry started giggling at his own comment, but Severus found this even more endearing. They were in the middle of another kiss when there was a weird thump above them, and then all of a sudden, the power came back on.
They broke apart and closed their eyes. After being in the dark for so long, the light was blinding. Severus recovered first and managed to stand and then help Harry to his feet.
"I"ll go see if the door is unlocked now."
Harry nodded but didn't say anything. Severus made his way over to the door, both relieved and disappointed to find that it worked. He turned back to Harry and showed him the open door.
"Well that's a relief," said Harry, pulling Severus's coat on to hide the stains from their earlier activities. "We were about to find out how soon is too soon to pee in a trash can in front of your new partner."
Severus couldn't help laugh at that. "I hadn't thought of that, but I'm sure I would have soon."
They wedged a chair in the door to make sure it would remain unlocked in case the power went out again and then made their way to the bathroom. Afterwards, they retrieved Severus's belongings from his office and then Severus walked Harry up to his own office so he could collect his things, as well.
"Should probably make sure I never take this out of my pocket again," said Harry, holding up his cell phone. He slid it into his back pocket and then wrapped his arms around Severus's neck. "Then again, maybe I should make sure I never have it on me at all. Just in case."
"I shall have to bribe Filch to turn the lights out more often." His arms wrapped around Harry's waist.
"Or we could just make plans to see each other regularly," said Harry, leaning forward so his mouth was almost touching Severus's. "That way we wouldn't have to worry about setting up elaborate schemes to be able to kiss."
"I heard you were smart," said Severus softly, delighting in the way Harry's eyes lit up when he laughed. He pressed a gentle kiss to Harry's lips and then asked, "How about my place, tonight? I can make you dinner to thank you for all the extra tutoring sessions you've given me."
"I'd love to," said Harry, kissing him again, "though I don't think just one dinner will make up for it. You were really quite awful with the Spark Screen, you know."
"I can definitely think of other ways to thank you." Severus shifted so that he could press one of his legs between Harry's, pressing it into the slight bulge between Harry's legs.
Harry moaned softly. "Oh god, yes, please. Though really I was just thinking a lot more dinners."
"Is that so?" Severus kissed his way along Harry's jaw, keeping his leg pressed against Harry. "Just dinner?"
Harry moaned again, grasping Severus's arms for balance as he pressed himself closer to Severus. "Mmhmm. Dinner every night for the rest of our lives sounds good to me."
Severus stopped teasing him and instead looked Harry in the eye. He couldn't remember a time when that much tenderness had ever been directed at him. He brought a hand up to caress Harry's cheek. "That sounds good to me, too."
He was pretty sure Harry's smile was bright enough that they would never need to worry about another power outage ever again.