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If anyone ever asks Juntae what his favourite thing about Hyuntak is, he would say: his smile.
The first time he ever saw a full-on smile on Hyuntak’s face, Juntae felt like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs. It was life-changing to him. He was gobsmacked as he stared at Hyuntak–his eyes curving, cheekbones lifted, dimples showing, his nose scrunching a little. Juntae was endeared. It was like he was watching the sun itself rising from the horizon, light and warmth spreading onto him, enveloping him whole. He cannot, for the life of him, remember what it was that made it happen in the first place. But, the smile itself had been burned into his mind, never fading. Juntae fell in love then.
Juntae remembers many instances of it throughout their time together, though, not as many as he’d like. The one moment he recalls a lot is when they were back in high school, when Hyuntak was accompanying him to study at the library. Sieun couldn’t join because he’d promised to hang out with Suho and his other friends from his previous school and Humin said he got sick the last time he entered a library. So, it was just Juntae and Hyuntak. Hyuntak was studying, too, but it didn’t last that long. After about thirty minutes, he closed his books and decided to take a nap instead.
Juntae didn’t mind. Having Hyuntak with him there was already good enough for him, so he just let him.
Hyuntak rested his head on top of his arms on the table, his breathing slowed down as time passed. The library was quiet, save for the scratching sounds of pens and pencils on papers, pages of books flipping, and the soft whispers from the other students. Juntae focused on his studying material, lightly biting on the end of his pen as he read. It wasn’t until a little later that he felt the soft glare of the setting sun on his skin, stopping his pen on the page of his book mid-stroke. Juntae squinted, looking towards the window one table away from theirs.
It didn’t seem like this would last long; the sun was steadily dipping behind the other school building across from the library. Juntae spared a glance at Hyuntak’s sleeping figure and saw his eyes and eyebrows flinching from the light hitting his eyelids. Quietly and quickly, Juntae lifted his left hand, adjusting it until he managed to shield Hyuntak’s closed eyes from the glare. He sighed in relief when Hyuntak’s face relaxed. Juntae took this as an opportunity to look at him, his heart clenching at how calm and peaceful Hyuntak looked at the moment.
Against his better judgement, Juntae slowly rested his other arm on the table and plopped his head on it, facing Hyuntak. His other hand remained raised, still shielding Hyuntak. Juntae watched him, admiring how handsome Hyuntak was. His eyes trailed down from Hyuntak’s closed eyes, his nose, and lingered for a few moments on his lips. It was a little unfair, Juntae thought, for someone to be handsome and adorable. How he longed to brush his hand on his skin, to feel the warmth of his cheek against his palm, to trace the lines of his smile. Juntae wanted him so much, it pained him.
Then, listlessly, one of Hyuntak’s eyes opened, just a sliver, just enough to notice Juntae’s hand raised almost in front of him. He frowned slightly, head raised a few inches, lifting one of his hands to capture Juntae’s, and pulling at it, placing it between his hands, and dropping his head onto them. When he noticed Juntae was watching him, wide eyed, his cheeks dusted pink. Hyuntak smiled, a lazy one. But, it still managed to make Juntae’s heart try to claw out of his chest. Juntae fell in love, yet again.
Hyuntak is so easy to love. Juntae knows it’s true. Because, it didn’t take too long for him to do so the first time, and he does it so easily again and again times after. Loving Hyuntak is like breathing to him, it just comes naturally. Hyuntak’s mere existence is reason enough for him to fall. So, it didn’t really surprise him when another person fell for him, too. The only difference with his case was Hyuntak fell for her, too. Less than two years ago, he was wearing that endearing smile Juntae loves so much when he told Humin, Sieun, Suho, and Juntae about it—about her.
Juntae smiled back then, tried to look as happy as he could, but his heart was in pieces.
He met her through an old friend and they just clicked, he said. Everyone congratulated him, even Juntae, and Juntae didn’t miss the concerned look their three friends were stealthily giving him. They knew. Of course, they knew about Juntae’s feelings. He didn’t even have to tell them. They could tell from a glance. Every time he looked at Hyuntak, talked to him, or even just stood there next to him, his affections just leaked out, visible for anyone who wanted to see it. Hyuntak never saw it, probably because all he saw in Juntae was a good friend.
When Humin pulled him aside much later to check on him, Juntae only assured him that he was fine and he never expected Hyuntak to return his feelings anyway. He told him that as long as Hyuntak was happy, he’d be alright. The thing is, Juntae did have hope that this wouldn’t be an unrequited thing. He almost thought that Hyuntak felt the same one time when they were in Hyuntak’s room, after school. They were just relaxing, waiting for their other friends to arrive. Hyuntak was lying in his bed, scrolling away on his phone. Juntae was sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed, reading one of Hyuntak’s few manga.
Hyuntak saw a funny video and wanted Juntae to watch it. Instead of just turning his phone around and showing the video to Juntae, he actually decided to adjust his position so that he was directly behind Juntae, One of his arms was lazily slung on Juntae’s shoulder, while the other one was holding out his phone in front of Juntae. Juntae didn’t notice that Hyuntak had his face next to him, so when he turned his head to the side to look at him and comment on the video, he didn't expect to be so close to Hyuntak that the tips of their noses brushed against each other.
Juntae froze, whatever comment he was about to make died in his throat. Hyuntak’s smile dropped, eyes looking down directly into Juntae’s. Juntae wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, just looking into each other's eyes. When Hyuntak’s eyes slid down to his lips, Juntae gasped softly, lips parting, and he watched Hyuntak gulp, his eyes trembling. Hyuntak leaned in, their nose touching again, and then he stopped short before their lips could touch, his shallow breaths tickling Juntae’s philtrum. Then, like it never happened, Hyuntak pulled back, got back into his previous position and kept scrolling.
They never talked about it. Juntae almost thought he hallucinated the entire thing, but he knew he didn’t when he would catch Hyuntak giving him this weirdly longing look from time to time. Nothing like that ever happened after that, so Juntae decided to let it go. Hyuntak probably didn’t mean to lean in. Maybe, it was just because the mood was right, It didn’t have to mean anything. It didn’t mean anything. It really was best for everyone if Juntae just forgot about it. He didn’t forget of course, but he let it exist in his memories, never to be spoken of.
Still, Juntae loves Hyuntak’s smile. Every time he sees it his heart just feels so full.
This time is different, though. As he watches Hyuntak stand at the altar, smiling so handsomely and lovingly at his soon-to-be wife, his hands holding hers, Juntae hears his heart shatter into a million pieces. The pain in his chest almost made his knees buckle under its weight but Juntae stands straight, eyes steadily watching the proceedings. When Hyuntak leans in to meet his wife’s lips in a kiss, Juntae looks down. He doesn’t think he can handle seeing that just yet. A hand envelops his shaking one and squeezes on it comfortingly. Juntae looks to his left, to Sieun who’s regarding him with a sympathetic look.
Juntae honestly thought he would be fine and that this wouldn’t affect him. Maybe, he underestimated the weight of his love for Hyuntak. Juntae adjusts his hands so that his fingers are intertwined with Sieun, smiling at him, though a bit weakly, assuring him he’s okay and thanking him for comforting him. Sieun nods and keeps watching Juntae. Juntae thinks he would start crying if he looks at Sieun’s sad eyes any longer so he looks forward, at Hyuntak, who’s now holding his wife by the waist, waving at the crowds. When his eyes meet Juntae’s, he smiles even wider, enthusiastically waving at him. Juntae waves back.
Juntae waits until Hyuntak’s attention is elsewhere before he disentangles his hand from Sieun’s, telling him he’s going to the washroom, rejecting Sieun’s offer to accompany him. His feet are as heavy as lead when he drags them towards the nearest washroom. Juntae stares at himself in the mirror, thinking he looks like a mess. His eyes and nose are red, his eyes glistening from his unshed tears. Juntae scoffs, hollow. It’s ridiculous that he even thought that he could have a chance with Hyuntak. He’s nothing like the beautiful and sweet woman Hyuntak married.
“Huh.”
Juntae hears someone approaching him. He turns his head to look at the person and frowns when he doesn’t recognise him. The man smiles, the corners of his lips lifted up, his healthy gums and beautifully straight teeth showing. Juntae thinks it fits him, the smile, it looks nice on him. Juntae doesn’t think it looks as good as Hyuntak’s, but maybe that’s just his bias. The man is handsome, very tall, maybe even taller than Hyuntak, his hair styled very neatly, and Juntae thinks he kind of looks like a model. A pair of black half frame glasses are framing his eyes. He looks really good wearing glasses, Juntae’s envious.
“I thought they only do weddings here. Why do you look like you just came from a funeral?” the man remarks, his steps lazy but confident, his hands stuffed in his expensive looking suit’s pants pockets.
He stops right next to Juntae, closer than what Juntae’s comfortable with. If the man notices his discomfort, he doesn’t look like he cares much about it. He’s so close Juntae can smell his expensive cologne and the faint scent of tobacco underneath that. His height and his intense gaze make him seem very intimidating to Juntae, who’s at least a head shorter than him. Juntae feels like he’s being watched by a hungry wolf. He slowly realises that the man is actually checking him out; he’s pretty much leering at him. Juntae’s face heats up, his cheeks burning. The man smirks, liking it.
“Aren’t you a pretty one?” he asks and Juntae’s heart skips a beat. He only just looked in the mirror and knows that’s not true.
“Thanks?” Juntae says almost like a question, “but I know you’re just being nice.” The last part sounds so self-deprecating, Juntae cringes internally.
“Oh, I’m not a nice guy, baby,” the man tells him, his voice sensual. Juntae’s stumped. The man continues, “I almost didn’t want to come to those guys’ wedding. Good thing I changed my mind, right? I get to see you here, looking all pretty for me, right, baby?” Right. This man is insane. Hot, but insane.
“I think I should go. My friend’s wedding is still ongoing,” Juntae reasons. The word ‘friend’ feels bitter in his mouth.
The man takes his phone out of his suit’s inner pocket and holds it out to Juntae. “Let me get your number before you go,” he requests, his smile is softer than before. Juntae hesitates. He doesn’t really want to give his number out to some stranger he met in the washroom of a random building.
“Okay,” the guy says after a few seconds, pulling his hand back and putting the phone back into his pocket, “that’s fine. I’ll give you my number then.” Juntae doesn't offer him his phone. The man chuckles, the sound low and filled with amusement. It sounds really seductive to Juntae’s ears.
“You’re really gonna make me work for it?” he asks, smirking. Juntae doesn’t reply, just looks at him. “Fine, do you have a pen?”
Juntae does carry a pen with him, a force of habit from his workplace. He rummages in his pocket for it and then presents it to the man, belatedly thinking that it probably could be used as a weapon. The man takes it from him, the tips of his fingers touching Juntae’s palm when he does. Juntae doesn’t think that was necessary but he’s too tongue-tied to say anything. The man smirks again when he sees the expression on Juntae’s face, probably guessing Juntae’s thoughts. He reaches into his front pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes–which would explain the smell.
Juntae watches as he pops the lid open and tears away a small piece of the aluminium foil, just enough to fit his phone number. Once he’s done writing it down on the white paper part, he returns Juntae’s pen and then hands over the piece of paper. Then, Juntae watches him pop one of the two or three remaining cigarettes in the pack into his mouth before returning the pack into his pocket. He doesn’t light it, though.
“I don’t think you can smoke in here,” Juntae finally says something.
“Yeah, don’t worry, baby, I’m not gonna light it,” the man replies. What’s the point of popping it in his mouth, then? Also, is he going to keep calling Juntae ‘baby’?
“Right.” Juntae nods, not knowing what else to say.
“Make sure to call me, okay?” he urges, the cigarette’s filter resting between his teeth, his mouth curling up in one corner. It’s actually kind of attractive, Juntae thinks.
“Okay,” Juntae says, the small piece of paper feels heavy in his hand. The man smiles properly, and okay, Juntae has to admit he’s very, very attractive.
“I’ll be waiting, pretty boy,” he tells Juntae and then he finally moves back a step, giving Juntae space. Juntae takes this as his cue to leave and he does just that after shoving the piece of paper and his pen into his pocket, leaving the man behind, his smile glued in Juntae's mind.
He didn’t even get his name. Whatever.
When he returns to the hall, his three friends look at him all concerned. “Why’re you so red?” Sieun asks. Juntae blinks, brings his hands up to touch his cheeks, and yeah, they're still warm.
“Did you have trouble taking a shit?” Humin asks, worried. Juntae glares at him. He decides to disregard the comment.
“Maybe, it's the champagne?” He actually hasn't had much of that. He should drink some more later, maybe, it'll help with the heartbreak. Sieun doesn't look like he believes that but he doesn't push, just watches him. “I'm fine.”
“Jun!” Okay, he won't be fine for so long. Hyuntak is barreling towards them, his wife next to him. Shit. Juntae trains a smile on his face, waving at Hyuntak as he gets closer.
When he’s close enough to properly look at Juntae he frowns. “Why are you so red? Did you cry? Are you feeling okay?” He asks, bringing his hand up to touch Juntae’s cheek, one hand is holding Juntae’s shoulder. Well, that’s not going to help the blush disappear, won’t it?
“He’s had some champagne,” Suho answers for him. Hyuntak’s frown deepens.
“Don’t drink too much. You’re a lightweight, Jun,” he reminds. Juntae really needs him to take his hands off of him. His breath stutters when Hyuntak caresses his cheek with his thumb, staring deeply into Juntae’s eyes. His wife is next to him.
“He’s been worried sick, Juntae-ssi. You would think he lost his child.” A chuckle from Hyuntak’s wife, Jinhee, breaks whatever bubble they were in. Hyuntak pulls his hands away and Juntae sighs in relief, trying to not miss the touch.
“He’s always been so dramatic, Jinhee-ssi,” Juntae replies easily, smiling at the woman, “I was only gone for a few minutes, Tak-ah.”
“Someone could’ve kidnapped you,” Hyuntak supplies, being unreasonable.
“Who would want to kidnap a grown man like me? You’re ridiculous.” Juntae giggles.
“A lot of sick individuals nowadays, Jun,” Hyuntak remarks, his brows furrowing.
Hyuntak actually looks troubled. But, come on, now. No one’s kidnapping anyone. Juntae rolls his eyes, earning another chuckle from Jinhee. Juntae looks at them, Jinhee’s arms looping around Hyuntak’s, and thinks they look good together. Sure, he’s devastated, but he’s not going to actively try to ruin his best friend’s best day. Hyuntak is happy, so he should be happy. That’s what he told Humin, anyway. So, Juntae puts on a happy face and extends a hand towards Hyuntak for a handshake.
“I’m really happy for you, Tak-ah,” he says, grateful his voice didn’t break.
Hyuntak pushes his hand down, removes Jinhee’s arm gently, and pulls Juntae into a hug instead. He buries his nose on the side of Juntae’s hair. Juntae’s arms hang limply besides him, unsure about the hug. Juntae feels Hyuntak snuggle more into him, his face rubbing onto him, almost like he’s sniffing him. Juntae tries not to look too panicked because that would make this weird, since Jinhee is looking at them, an unreadable expression on her face. Awkwardly, Juntae wraps his arms around Hyuntak midsection muttering his congratulations, loud enough for Jinhee and their friends to hear.
“Jun, you smell different,” Hyuntak says, exhaling in his ear. Juntae curls his toes. He lightly pushes Hyuntak away, looking at him weirdly. Was he really sniffing him?
“Don’t talk into my ear, you know I’m ticklish,” Juntae scolds him, looking at him disapprovingly. “Also what are you, a dog? What do you mean I smell different, silly.”
“There’s this smell of a different cologne on you. Doesn’t smell like yours,” Hyuntak explains. Juntae is stunned, his mind goes to the man from the washroom.
“I bumped into someone earlier, that’s all. Their scent must’ve stuck on me,” Juntae reasons. That’s kind of the truth, He looks at Jinhee, who’s still eyeing him.
“Jinhee-ssi, congratulations. Don’t be afraid to scold him if he makes a mistake, okay?” Juntae advises, half-jokingly. The weird look dissipates from Jinhee’s face. She smiles, nodding to Juntae’s words, telling him not to worry. The other three also offer their congratulations.
“You should go greet your other guests,” Sieun says, looking at Hyuntak, who’s still eyeing Juntae.
“Oh, you’re right! We should go see my cousins, honey,” she said. The term of endearment causes a sharp pain in Juntae’s chest. Hyuntak hesitates but eventually lets his wife pull him away from them, taking a while to tear his eyes from Juntae.
“Is he crazy?” Suho asks no one in particular once Hyuntak and his wife leave. “Why would he smell Juntae in front of his wife?” Suho’s frowning, looking at Juntae. So, they noticed that, too.
“Gogo’s always been weird when it comes to Juntae. Jinhee knows that, too,” Humin says carefully.
“Doesn’t make it less insane,” Suho quips. No one says anything because Suho’s right.
“Guys, let’s drink,” Juntae says, unable to stand the silence, “I need a drink.”
Hyuntak’s life plan has always been simple: finish school, get a good job, get married, have kids, be happy.
It’s so simple Hyuntak could picture it clearly ever since he was younger. He could see himself in the future having a beautiful wife and two kids…might as well, throw a pet dog in there. Hyuntak would be a good husband and dad and they would be happy together. It shouldn’t be difficult to achieve, he thought, because look at his parents. They were doing great, they were happy. Sure, they argued a few times, but they always made up in the end. They were still together and happy.
When Hyuntak was fourteen, his dad left.
It was fine, his mother told him. They’d be fine. She smiled when she was comforting him, but her eyes were filled with an ocean of sadness. Hyuntak hugged her, knowing she needed to be comforted, too, and she cried in his arms. Hyuntak was angry. He was angry at his dad for leaving, his mum for not stopping him, and himself for not being able to do a thing. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. It should’ve been easy to be happy. They were happy. Now, they weren’t even together.
Hyuntak cried much later, at the foot of Humin’s bed, while Humin was hugging him, whispering comforting words to him, his eyes teary, too.
Years later, when he was in his second year of high school, he got to know Juntae. His first impression wasn’t that great. Hyuntak just thought that he was a quiet, meek nerd. They got in trouble for fighting with some bullies together with Humin and Juntae’s friend, Sieun. They got closer after that and Hyuntak found out that Juntae was much braver than he looked. The more they hung out, the more Hyuntak thought that Juntae was like an angel sent to earth. He was sweet and attentive. Being around him just made Hyuntak feel warm.
Hyuntak hoped the girl that he’d marry in the future would be as wonderful as Juntae.
One time, Hyuntak got so sick he couldn’t go to school for two days. Juntae visited him, then, together with Sieun and Humin. Juntae was super worried, coming over with a bag full of medicines and some soup for him. He kept on fretting over him, frowning every time he felt how warm Hyuntak’s skin was to the touch. The soup Juntae brought was really good. Juntae fed it to him as per Hyuntak’s request because he thought it’d be funny since Juntae was already acting like a dotting wife.
"Juntae, you’re spoiling him,” Humin commented, feigning annoyance. Juntae chuckled, music to Hyuntak’s ears.
“No, I’m not. I’d do this for you guys, too,” Juntae replied. Hyuntak frowned, for some reason he didn’t like the sound of that.
“What, no. You should only spoil me, Jun. They can manage by themselves,” Hyuntak said, glaring at Humin. Juntae only smiled.
“You greedy bastard…” Humin quipped, scoffing.
“If my future wife doesn’t treat me like this, I’d start a riot.” Juntae’s hand flinched after Hyuntak said this. It would be unnoticeable if Hyuntak wasn’t staring at him. Humin and Sieun said nothing. Hyuntak waited, a bit confused.
“She will treat you well, maybe even better, you know. You’re so lovable, I don’t see why she won’t, Tak-ah,” Juntae said eventually, smiling softly like he meant every word. Hyuntak’s heart throbbed.
“Jun, answer me honestly… Are you an angel?” Hyuntak asked, smiling as he pinched Juntae’s cheek gently. It was warm.
“Nope, I’m just Juntae,” Juntae replied. His giggles sounded clear like wind chimes.
Sometimes, Hyuntak wished that Juntae was a girl. Hyuntak would’ve dated him a long time ago if he really was one. They would be perfect together, he thought. They could be together forever, happily.
Sieun told them he was going out with Suho, his friend from his old school, one random day. They were sitting by the track field, just relaxing when Sieun brought it up. Juntae’s smile was so bright it rivaled the sun. Hyuntak watched him hug Sieun and congratulate him. Humin and Hyuntak said their congratulations shortly after. Sieun looked happy, a rare smile on his face. Juntae excitedly asked about how it happened and Sieun told them, calmly. But, Hyuntak could tell he was feeling giddy about it.
“It took me a while to realise that my feelings for him aren’t platonic. When I imagine a forever with him, it’s never as friends,” Sieun said after he was done recounting it. Hyuntak noticed his eyes lingered on him much longer than necessary. He didn’t think about it too much. He tried to not think about it too much.
And then he almost kissed Juntae.
They were in his room, faces inches apart and as Hyuntak studied his face–his eyes adorably wide behind his glasses that were too big for his face, his cheeks a delicious shade of red, his small and cute-looking lips trembling. Juntae looked painfully endearing and Hyuntak wanted to kiss him. It would be easy, he was already close enough. He just had to take that final push and his lips would be on Juntae’s. Hyuntak pulled back instead and went back to his phone, his mind still recalling Juntae’s expression.
He never said anything about it and Juntae never brought it up. They were fine. Nothing changed. Hyuntak started going on dates with girls, got into relationships, but they never lasted long. That was until he met Jinhee, a few years later. She was cute, really nice, and super sweet. She wore these huge glasses on their first date and Hyuntak thought she looked adorable. She said it made her look like that one chipmunk from that one movie but Hyuntak just assured her that she looked cute and she blushed.
They'd dated for a little over a year when Hyuntak proposed to her. She accepted, of course, she loved him as much as he loved her. He told Humin about it after he broke the news to his mum. Humin stared at him in shock for a few seconds before he congratulated him. He asked if Hyuntak was sure he wasn’t being impatient. Hyuntak just told him this was the right decision. Why bother waiting when everything already fell into the right place?
So, they proceeded with the wedding after months of planning. It went great. Everything went according to plan. Hyuntak almost had a heart attack when he couldn’t see Juntae with his other friends, though. But, he did come back a while later, safe and in one piece. After they wrapped everything up at the wedding hall, everyone started heading over to the next venue for the after party. Hyuntak and Jinhee had to get changed first before they could join everyone.
Hyuntak and Jinhee start greeting and thanking people as soon as they get to the venue, moving from group to group. When Hyuntak spots Juntae, Suho, and Sieun huddled together in one corner of the bar, Hyuntak frowns. Humin isn’t with them because he told them he ‘met the love of his life’ and dipped. Hyuntak didn’t ask about it, Humin will tell him later, anyway. Suho has one arm around Sieun’s waist and the other around Juntae’s. Juntae’s hand is loosely slung on Suho’s shoulder and he’s holding hands with Sieun at the same time.
They have been acting weird lately, Hyuntak thought. They’ve been touching Juntae a lot more than they used to, which troubles Hyuntak. But, when he asked, they told him nothing’s going on. Well, it doesn’t look like nothing’s going on to him, right now. Hyuntak hurries over to them, taking Jinhee with them.
“Your friends must be really close,” Jinhee comments lightly, when they’re half-way towards them. Hyuntak doesn’t say anything, his jaw clenched.
Suho notices him first, watching him with a serious expression on his face, guarded. Juntae and Sieun notice them approaching a moment after. Juntae immediately smiles widely, waving excitedly at them. The tension in Hyuntak’s jaw eases and he smiles back at him.
“Tak!” Juntae calls cheerily, “Jinhee-ssi!”
They greet them, Jinhee politely smiling at them, her eyes staying on Juntae. Juntae's fully facing them, his back to Suho's front, the arm around his waist tightens, securing him in place. Hyuntak looks at it displeasingly, and then his eyes meet Suho's challenging ones. Why the hell are they like this? Sure, everyone likes clinging to Juntae, even Hyuntak, and they do that a lot, and Juntae lets them. But, not like this. To Hyuntak this seems weirdly intimate. Suho and Sieun are acting like this is the norm for them, though.
“Is this really necessary?” Hyuntak remarks, gesturing at them.
“It's a precaution, dude,” Suho replies, “he keeps trying to escape.”
“Why did you guys even let him drink too much?” he asks, looking at Juntae worriedly.
“He only had three glasses of champagne and one beer,” Sieun supplies.
“Jun,” Hyuntak calls really gently, “don't drink anymore, you lightweight.” He pats Juntae on top of his head and Juntae giggles happily.
“But, I need to drink, Tak-ah. I'm heartbroken, but I'm also so, so happy for you,” Juntae responds. Hyuntak pauses. Heartbroken?
“Ah, yes, you know,” Suho says, getting their attention, “because, you can't hang out with us too much anymore since you're married and all. We're pretty heartbroken.” Suho pouts and Jinhee chuckles next to Hyuntak.
“I'm not going to hold him hostage, Suho-ssi. You guys can still meet up,” Jinhee assures.
“What if he doesn't want to anymore because he just wants to stick to you, Jinhee-ssi? This guy's pretty clingy,” Suho replies, a teasing smirk on his lips.
“Since when have I been clingy, you bastard?” Hyuntak rolls his eyes.
“Uh, since forever, man.”
Hyuntak and Suho start arguing playfully and the other three just watch them, occasionally laughing at their antics.
“Whatever, man. Just make sure he gets home safe. Tell me if you guys need my help,” Hyuntak offers. Suho looks at him weirdly.
“We're not gonna disturb you on your wedding night, dude. Don't worry, Sieun and I will take care of Juntae,” Suho says. Juntae nods, grinning. Hyuntak smiles, his hand moving by itself to pinch Juntae's cheek.
“Right,” Hyuntak says, dropping his hand back to his side. “Yeah, okay, just text me if anything happens.” Suho just shrugs.
Jinhee pulls Hyuntak away after they’re done talking, politely telling them she's taking Hyuntak to see her friends next. Hyuntak follows her, not looking away from his friends for a few seconds. He's sure Suho and Sieun can take care of Juntae, but he still worries. They leave less than an hour later. Juntae's walking, but Suho has to hold on to him so he won't fall. Hyuntak offers to assist them again but Suho still refuses, saying he got it handled. Hyuntak doesn't argue. And then they're gone.
A while later, Hyuntak receives a couple of texts from Suho. One is a picture of Juntae, giving a peace sign to the camera, smiling. Hyuntak thinks he's wearing Sieun's clothes. The other text just says ‘safe’. Hyuntak sends back a thumbs up emoji, relieved that Juntae’s fine.
It’s been over a week and Juntae’s doing fine. Sure, his world crashed down, but the earth is still turning. Juntae still has to go to work. He still has to do his chores. He still needs to go on and move on. He already cried so much the day after Hyuntak’s wedding. Suho and Sieun were freaking out, trying their best to comfort him. Juntae was sobbing into Suho’s chest, his heart ached so much he thought he was going to die. Suho hugged him and ran his fingers through Juntae’s hair trying to calm him down while Sieun kept a hand on Juntae’s back, warm and steady.
They wouldn’t let Juntae go home until he was completely alright. So, Juntae pretended he was better. When he reached his apartment, he broke down again, his body curled up against the door, his sobs echoing around the empty apartment. It’s crazy, really. It’s not like he and Hyuntak were ever together. But, still he’s been in love with him for like ten years. Even now, when his heart is already in pieces. He knows every single fragment is marked with Hyuntak’s name. He’s afraid if he pieces them back together his heart will yearn for him again, so he lets it stay broken.
So, yeah, Juntae’s trying to be fine. He’s sitting on his couch, just watching some random show, when his notifications go off. A bunch of messages are being sent to their group chat. Juntae is about to click on the notification when a few direct messages from Sieun, Suho, and Humin arrive almost at the same time. Then, before he can click on any of those, an incoming call from Sieun appears on his screen. Juntae frowns, confused. Still, he accepts the call and brings the phone up to his ear.
“Sieun?”
“Don’t look at the group chat first, okay?” Sieun’s voice is calm. “Gotak sent a bunch of pictures from his honeymoon. I just thought, maybe, you’re not ready to see them just yet.”
“Oh,” Juntae says. That’s why they were all texting him suddenly. “Okay, Sieun. I won’t look. Thanks.”
“Yeah, call me if you need me okay? Suho’s worried, too. I’m sure Baku feels the same,” Sieun offers. Juntae smiles. They’re really caring.
“I’m fine, Sieun. Thanks for worrying over me, though.” He’s fine, really. If he says it enough, it’ll become real.
The call ends after they say their goodbyes. Juntae watches the TV, his mind not registering anything from it. Hyuntak’s honeymoon pictures. He knows that it’s best if he doesn’t view them. But, a small part of him wants to see them. Maybe, it’ll help. Maybe, if he sees Hyuntak happy in the pictures, he’ll be okay with it. Maybe, once he’s fine with looking at them together in pictures, he’ll be able to fully be happy for Hyuntak and his marriage with Jinhee, as one of Hyuntak’s best friends.
Juntae clicks on the group chat notification.
The first picture is cute, Juntae thinks. It’s a picture of Hyuntak and Jinhee in front of their hotel room, they’re both giving the camera peace signs. Hyuntak is smiling–his eyes curved, nose scrunched, his dimples showing–and Juntae stares, his broken heart thumps. The second picture is of them at the beach, it looks like. Jinhee's the one taking the picture, her hand extended in front of her. Hyuntak’s head is on her shoulder. Out of view, his arms are wrapped around her, Juntae guesses. Jinhee’s other hand is touching his cheek. He’s doing okay, actually. He thinks these are cute. For sure.
Hyuntak is kissing Jinhee in the last picture. Juntae’s not sure who took the picture this time because it doesn’t really matter, does it? They’re face to face and Jinhee has a hand on Hyuntak’s cheek and Hyuntak is doing the same to her. Hyuntak is smiling into the kiss, so tenderly Juntae’s heart aches. Juntae wants to look away, close the chat, but he can’t. He just keeps looking at it. Hyuntak is kissing Jinhee. He looks happy. Juntae feels like throwing up.
Juntae drops his phone, grabs his keys, and walks out of the apartment. He’s not sure where he’s going, but he can’t be here. The picture of Hyuntak kissing Jinhee is still on his phone screen, on the floor. Juntae walks. He’s even considering going to a cruising spot but decides against it in the end. So, he walks. His chest heaving, his eyes blurry from the tears welling in them, his lower lip stuck between his teeth. He’s biting on it so hard, he thinks he tastes blood. Juntae walks until he can’t. Then, tired, he leans against a random wall.
It’s almost midnight, and a lot of the stores are already closed. Juntae is just now registering that walking alone outside this late could be dangerous. But, what can he do, he’s already outside, alone, his keys in his pocket, his phone at home. He’s standing outside of a family restaurant. He’s been here before with everyone, months ago. It’s closed now, though. And it’s not like Juntae has his wallet on him. Juntae sobs. Fuck. Hyuntak fed him dumplings when they were here before, and then he laughed at Juntae’s full cheeks. He said Juntae looks like a chipmunk. Juntae is losing it, he thinks.
“I thought that was you.” A voice comes from Juntae’s right. His head snaps towards the person approaching him. It’s Glasses. At least, that’s the name Juntae saved his number under, when he found the piece of aluminium foil in his suit’s pocket, a few days after the wedding. He didn’t get the guy’s name. He never called.
“Isn’t this fate?” he asks. He walks closer, stopping next to Juntae, much closer than Juntae’s comfortable with, again. “And look at you, god. Don’t you look delicious, baby?” Juntae almost forgot he’s deranged. He looks a little different, less polished than before. His hair is unstyled but it looks good. He smells almost the same, but the smell of cigarettes is stronger.
“Are you stalking me?” Juntae asks. Because, really, how is he here?
“Would you be into that?” he shoots back. Juntae frowns. “Okay, I’ll take that as a ‘no’. I own the PC room over there and I saw you walking by. I thought I was hallucinating it. You never called, baby. You even promised.” Juntae doesn’t remember promising him anything.
“Why are you crying again?” he asks, staring so hard at Juntae, he’s starting to feel embarrassed. “I like how you look when you cry, by the way,” he adds, like that’s a normal thing to say to someone who’s practically a stranger.
“Thanks,” Juntae says, because he thinks it’s funny. He must really be losing his mind. “Anyway, the same reason as before. My friend got married and I’m heartbroken.” He’s not sure why he’s telling the man this. The guy looks surprised, too.
“Want me to comfort you, baby? Or do you want me to beat your friend up?” He’s really weird.
“You’re not beating anyone up,” Juntae replies. The man chuckles, seductively low. Juntae gulps.
“Okay,” the man says, then, there's a glint in his eyes, “what about the first part?” Juntae thinks about it. He does need to be comforted.
“Fine,” he replies. The man’s face lit up.
“It’s Seongje, by the way, my name. Do I keep calling you baby or are you going to tell me yours?”
“It’s Juntae.”
“Okay, baby,” he says. Why bother asking for his name, then? The man snorts at the look on Juntae’s face. “My apartment is a bit far and I don’t think I can hold it for that long. But, I have a room above my store… Or do you want to go to your place?” Definitely not Juntae’s place. This man could be a murderer or kidnapper. Juntae remembers Hyuntak’s words and a sob escapes his lip.
“Oh, definitely my store. Let’s hurry,” he says. And then, he’s pulling Juntae along.
A few people, mostly employees, probably, stare at them when they walk past. Juntae doesn’t make any eye contact, gaze trained on the guy’s–Seongje’s–back, as he leads him up the stairs and into a bedroom. It really looks like an actual bedroom. Juntae wonders if he stays here a lot. Like, there’s a queen size bed in the middle of the room, there’s a wardrobe, bedside tables… There’s even another door, which Juntae guesses leads to the washroom, maybe.
“Enough looking around, yeah, baby?” Seongje says, pulling Juntae into a crushing kiss. He kisses him like he’s starved for him. Like he’s been craving him for a lifetime and finally got the chance to taste him. Juntae’s squirming in his arms, hands grasping uselessly at Seongje’s jacket. Seongje shrugs the jacket off, not breaking the kiss. Juntae hooks his arms behind Seongje’s head, pulling him closer. Seongje breaks them apart after a while, breathing heavily, fire behind his eyes. And, oh, okay, Juntae realises he’s actually going to devour him whole.
“Let me use your washroom,” Juntae says, out of breath. Seongje chuckles but there’s no mirth behind his voice.
“After you got me this worked up, baby? Aren’t you cruel?” He’s palming himself and Juntae bites his lips. This guy is really something. But, really, Juntae’s not going to be rawdogging this. He didn’t plan on actually doing this in the first place.
“You can, um, maybe, jerk yourself off while I prepare myself,” Juntae suggests. Seongje groans, his palm working on himself.
“Let me watch you, baby,” Seongje requests.
“Definitely, not. Be a good boy and wait for me,” Juntae says, and then quickly dashing towards the door he saw earlier, hearing another groan from Seongje. Thankfully, he’s right. It is a washroom.
Much later, once Juntae’s prepared his body and soul, he leaves the washroom, only wearing the shirt he found hanging behind the door. It’s big enough to reach half of his thighs. Hopefully, Seongje doesn’t mind. He’s greeted by the sight of Seongje sitting down with his back against the headboard of the bed, shirtless, his pants still on, his palm still on his crotch. He’s grinning at Juntae lazily, his eyes looking at his shirt on Juntae and his bare legs. He beckons him close with one finger. Juntae’s feet move before his mind can catch up.
“Aren’t I good?” Seongje asks, “I waited for you, baby. So, you should reward me.” It’s illegal, Juntae thinks, to be this attractive.
Juntae crawls on the bed and onto him, picking things up from where they left off. As the evening passes, and Juntae is writhing and moaning under Seongje, his thrusts unrelenting, Juntae rasps out Hyuntak’s name the first time the pleasure peaks, without realising it. Seongje falters for a second before he resumes his movement, grunting into Juntae’s ear, until he eventually comes, too.
“Did you just call out some other guy’s name while I’m fucking you?” Seongje asks, caressing Juntae’s face.
“Huh,” Juntae says, eyes unfocused. Seongje scoffs, kissing Juntae hard until he’s whimpering into the kiss.
“Let me fuck you again and again until all you know is my name, okay, baby?” Seongje’s nipping at his neck and Juntae just nods. He feels so good. Seongje can do whatever he wants with him.
The next couple of times, Juntae keeps saying Seongje’s name, egging him on, until they both fall apart in each other’s arms. Juntae starts passing out towards the end. The exhaustion from his walk, the crying, and the sex finally gets to him. As he drifts in and out of sleep, he feels Seongje cleaning him up, wiping down on his body, gently, so as to not wake him up. Juntae drifts to sleep for real a few moments later, a pair of strong arms enveloping his tired body.
Juntae wakes up after a few hours. Sneakily, he frees himself from Seongje’s hold and heads towards the washroom to put his clothes back on. Seongje is still sound asleep when Juntae walks out of the washroom. Juntae walks towards the bedside table, successfully finding a piece of paper and a pen. Juntae writes a quick thank you message and leaves the paper and pen on the bedside table. He steals a quick glance at the sleeping man’s face, noting how handsome he looks even when he’s asleep.
And then, Juntae is gone, tip-toeing out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. When he passes by the front desk, the boy behind the counter eyes him briefly before smirking. Abashed, Juntae quickly walks out of the establishment. He knows what he looks like, right now. He did look into the mirror before he left the washroom earlier. He looks thoroughly fucked–bite and kiss marks are visible on his neck. There are more marks under his clothes. Seongje was ravenous.
It’s some minutes past five when he reaches his apartment. Juntae goes straight to the washroom to properly get cleaned up and ready for work because he doesn’t think he can fall asleep now. Juntae is about to have some light breakfast when he remembers about his phone. He walks to the living room, picking the phone up from the floor. The screen lights up, displaying the picture of Hyuntak and Jinhee. Juntae quickly exits from it, ignoring the way his stomach turns.
There’s a bunch of text and missed calls from his friends, including Hyuntak. Juntae winces. Shit. Sieun probably called him again after the first time because he knows how Juntae is. He must’ve guessed that Juntae would look at the pictures, despite his warnings. He must’ve told Suho and Humin about it. Hyuntak? Juntae’s not sure why he would be calling. Juntae reads through their messages and sends out quick replies, telling them he’s fine and that he just fell asleep but left his phone in the living room.
Hyuntak’s text only says ‘jun?’, so Juntae ignores it.
Hyuntak thinks Juntae’s ignoring him.
Well, he’s still responding to his texts and answering his calls, but something feels different. Humin said that he’s probably stressed about work, but Hyuntak knows that’s not the case. Juntae always shares it with him if he’s stressed about work or anything, really. It’s been going for a few months, Juntae rarely ever texts him nowadays, like directly. He’s texting fine in their group chat, though. When he calls him, Juntae’s always the one who suggests to end them after a few minutes.
He complains about this to Jinhee because his friends keep trying to convince him that everything's fine, when everything's clearly not fine. Jinhee listens quietly as he rambles about how Juntae’s clearly ignoring him or he’s at least limiting their interactions and that he’s really, really bothered by this. Hyuntak’s stumped when Jinhee asks him why he’s so bothered. His best friend is acting weird, of course he would give a damn about it. He replies with the politer version of that to his wife.
“Juntae-ssi is gay, right?” Jinhee asks. Hyuntak wonders what the fuck does Juntae’s sexuality has to do anything with this. Jinhee probably guesses his thought, so she continues, “Maybe, he’s keeping his distance because you’re married.”
“That’s stupid. There’s no way that’s his reason,” Hyuntak says, frowning deeply. “I still meet up regularly with Baku, Suho, and Sieun. They’re not exactly straight.” He always meets up with Humin alone for drinks and he sometimes meets up with Suho and Sieun for a meal. Every time he invites Juntae out, he’ll give him a plethora of reasons on why he can’t make it.
“It’s different,” Jinhee remarks, not elaborating. How is it any different? They’re all his friends and they’re all not straight.
“Is it because Juntae’s single?” Hyuntak pauses. A thought occurs to him. “Wait, do you think he’s seeing someone and is trying to hide it from me?” Jinhee looks at him like he’s stupid.
“Why would he hide that from you?” She sounds incredulous.
“I don’t know,” Hyuntak admits. He tries to imagine Juntae dating someone else and gets annoyed just thinking about it. “But, there’s no way, right?”
“Honey,” Jinhee calls gently, like she’s talking to a child, “he’s a grown ass man. He can take care of himself. And if, if he’s really seeing someone, I'm sure he’ll tell you eventually. Give him some space.” Hyuntak doesn’t want to give him space, actually. He thinks there’s already enough space between them. But, he nods, acting like he agrees with his wife.
“Okay, can you please help me assemble this shelf now?” Jinhee asks, looking up at him from the floor. The manual paper and shelf parts are lying on the floor. Hyuntak sits down somewhere in front of Jinhee, the mess is between them, and helps her with it. He’ll get a chance to ask Juntae about this. If not, he’ll find a way, anyway.
The chance arrives earlier than expected. Humin invited everyone to celebrate his birthday. He told them he’s finally going to properly introduce his beau to them. Hyuntak is excited about this because, one: it’s his oldest friend’s special day, and two: Juntae will be there. So, when the day comes, Hyuntak and Jinhee arrive at Humin’s apartment way too early than scheduled. Jinhee’s a little annoyed, but she can see Hyuntak’s excitement, so she just lets it go. Humin looks at them weirdly when he opens the door for them.
“Dude, did you miss me that much?” he asks, placing a hand over his heart, moved.
“Yep. Happy birthday, man,” Hyuntak answers simply, not wanting to prolong this. Jinhee wishes the same to Humin. Hyuntak shoves the present he and Jinhee got for Humin into his arms. Humin gives them a grateful look and hugs Hyuntak.
“Thanks, bro, Jinhee-ssi. My darling isn’t here yet, he’s picking some stuff up. It’s just us right now. Make yourself at home, like usual,” Humin says, inviting them in.
About twenty minutes later, two guys walk in the living room together with Humin. Hyuntak and Jinhee get up to greet them. He’s never seen these men in his life.
“Gotak. Jinhee-ssi.” Humin says, introducing them to the men, and then he points at them both. “Mocha.”
“Like the drink?” Hyuntak’s confused.
“No, dude. This is Seungmok and this is Dongha. Together they’re Mokha,” Humin explains. Okay, why didn’t he just introduce them with their actual names in the first place? And what’s with the couple's name, are they teenageers?
“That’s cute,” Jinhee says, chuckling. The men smile. “Then that would make my husband and I, Gohee. Kinda sounds like Coffee.” Hyuntak just nods.
“Wait, that’s true actually. Isn’t that funny? Both of your couple names sound like cafe menu items. Mocha and Coffee,” Humin remarks, delighted by the fact. “Did you guys know you got married on the same date and at the same place?”
“Wait, really?” Hyuntak asks, genuinely surprised. What are the odds?
“Huh?” Dongha says at the same time.
“Yeah!” Humin replies eagerly. “Theirs was like two halls away from yours, Gogo. That’s how I met Baekjin. Ran into him on my way to the washroom.”
“Nice,” Seungmok says.
“Yeah, that’s so crazy,” Jinhee says. Hyuntak just nods.
And then Humin leaves them. Jinhee, always so sociable, begins chatting with them while Hyuntak listens, occasionally chirping something in whenever he needs to. Not long after, the front door opens and another man Hyuntak doesn’t recognise walks in, carrying a bunch of random stuff. Hyuntak almost jumps when Seungmok and Dongha immediately stand up and grab the stuff from him, placing them in their proper places. Okay, weird. After that, they return to the couch.
“Hello,” the newcomer greets, holding out his hand. Hyuntak gets on his feet and accepts the handshake. “You must be Hyuntak-ssi and Jinhee-ssi.” His voice is really nice. It really fits him, Hyuntak thinks. The man is beautiful. Everything about him is sharp and clean. When he smiles and his dimples show, he looks a little softer.
“Yes,” Hyuntak says, accidentally speaking formally. The man laughs.
“No need to be so formal,” he says. “I’m Humin’s partner, Baekjin.”
“Just call me Gotak,” Hyuntak offers, less formal.
“Jinhee’s fine for me,” Jinhee says. She looks awestruck. Hyuntak gets it.
“Well, I’m going to join Humin first. Please help yourself to everything,” Baekjin says, before leaving them.
For some reason, Seungmok and Dongha get up and follow behind Baekjin. Jinhee and Hyuntak look at each other, confused. In the end, Jinhee gets up, dragging Hyuntak to the kitchen. They end up helping Humin and Baekjin to prepare the table even though Baekjin tries to tell them they don’t have to do it. But, Jinhee insists and Hyuntak just joins her. Then, Suho, Sieun, and Juntae arrive shortly after, each carrying a gift. Humin gets them in a group hug and then introduces them to Baekjin and the couple.
Hyuntak's eyes are locked on Juntae. When Juntae notices him, he smiles and gives him a small wave. Juntae walks over to properly greet Jinhee, Suho and Sieun following behind him. He takes a seat on the couch on Hyuntak’s right, but he sits in the farthest seat. Hyuntak frowns at that. Sieun takes the one closest to Hyuntak, while Suho sits in the middle of them. Suho greets him with a nod, and smiles knowingly when he sees Hyuntak’s face. Hyuntak doesn’t know what that’s about, but it annoys him nonetheless.
“Jun, why are you sitting so far away?” Hyuntak asks, almost whining.
“What are you talking about, Tak-ah? I’m like an arm’s length away,” Juntae replies, looking at Hyuntak and then Jinhee.
“Suho and Sieun are in the way,” Hyuntak says.
“Oh, wow, okay, nice seeing you, too, bro,” Suho quips. Hyuntak rolls his eyes.
“Juntae-ssi,” Jinhee calls. Juntae freezes, for some reason. Hyuntak frowns. Jinhee resumes, “you know, he keeps telling me he misses you. Can you tell him you haven’t deleted his number from your phone?” Hyuntak stares at his wife, hearing the awkward chuckle coming from Juntae. Jinhee rolls her eyes at him.
“I still have your number, Tak-ah. Sorry for not contacting you much. I've been a little busy,” Juntae says all these like he’s prepared for it. Hyuntak knows he’s hiding something.
“Guys, we have another guy coming. We’ll wait for him before we start with dinner, okay?” Humin butts in, unknowingly cutting Hyuntak’s impromptu interrogation short. Hyuntak wants to hit him.
“If he takes too long, we’ll eat first,” Baekjin says firmly.
Humin and Baekjin join everyone in the living room. Humin starts telling them the story of how he met Baekjin. Suho, Sieun, and Juntae are surprised when Humin mentions the Mokha couple’s wedding. Juntae immediately gives them his belated congratulation. Humin then tells them how much he struggled to get the cold beauty to go out with him. Baekjin laughs, saying that he only gave Humin a hard time because he thinks Humin looks cute when he’s trying so hard.
Baekjin starts asking about them, Humin’s friends, and Humin happily tells him about them. If he knows about their great-great-grandfathers’ dental histories, he would probably tell Baekjin about them. Each of them pipes up to complain whenever Humin brings up a particularly embarrassing moment in their lives. In protest, they begin sharing Humin’s embarrassing moments. Baekjin listens intently like he’s enjoying this so much. Humin is looking at Baekjin, who’s smiling amusedly, like he’s everything that he’s ever wanted. Like, he painted the sky, and then hung the moon and the stars all by himself.
Hyuntak subconsciously looks at Juntae, who’s looking at the couple with a smile on his face.
Humin and Baekjin’s last guest arrives soon, bringing a storm in with him. When Humin returns to the living room with him following closely behind Humin, Hyuntak hears Juntae’s surprised gasp. The air is suddenly suffocating. The man’s eyes instantly find Juntae and he looks elated. Hyuntak looks at Juntae, and like he knows Hyuntak is looking at him, Juntae turns towards him, his eyes wild. What the fuck? Does Juntae know this guy?
No one’s talking, Humin is looking confusedly between the guy and Juntae. Baekjin is quietly observing them, like he’s deciphering something.
“Hello,” the man greets. Hyuntak is sure he’s only greeting Juntae since his eyes are still on him.
“Do you know each other?” Humin finally asks what’s on everyone’s mind. The man smirks.
“Oh, we’re familiar with each other,” he replies with a flirtatious tone, and then winks at Juntae. Hyuntak already doesn’t like him.
“Ooo-kay,” Humin says, “anyway, everyone, meet Seongje. He’s a bit weird but he grows on you.” Seongje doesn’t seem like he minds the introduction.
Humin starts introducing everyone in his friend group, excluding Juntae, since Seongje already knows him, somehow. His eyes linger on Sieun when Humin introduces him. Suho instantly wraps an arm around Sieun and Seongje laughs, tickled. When Humin finally gets to Hyuntak, Seongje blinks, as if he’s recalling something. Hyuntak notices Juntae’s paling complexion.
“Gotak,” Seongje says, trying the name on his tongue, “what’s his actual name?” he asks Humin. Humin looks at him weirdly before replying. Seongje chuckles, having an inside joke with himself, maybe.
“You’re married?” he asks, grinning. Hyuntak grabs Jinhee’s hand and shows him their matching rings. “Very interesting,” Seongje says the words slowly, syllable by syllable. Then, he looks pointedly at Juntae, who hasn’t said anything ever since he arrived. He tilts his head to the side.
“Isn’t that interesting, baby?”
“The fuck?” Suho quips.
“Baku, can we use your guest room?” Juntae requests, voice pinched. If Seongje could smile wider, he would.
“What’s going on, Jun?” Hyuntak asks, concerned.
“Don’t worry about it, Tak-ah,” Juntae says sweetly. Hyuntak will worry, actually. In fact, he’s way too fucking worried, right now. “Can we, Baku?” Juntae looks desperate. Humin’s frowning.
“You can talk in there,” Baekjin says, instead, since Humin’s taking too long.
Juntae gets to his feet at once, marching towards Seongje. Seongje’s eyes follow him until he’s right in front of him. “Hi, baby. I’ve missed you,” he says, voice low, but everyone can hear him. Juntae blushes deeply and Hyuntak frowns, glaring daggers at Seongje.
“Right, let’s go. We need to talk,” Juntae says, grabbing Seongje by his wrist and dragging him towards Humin’s guest room. Hyuntak notices Seongje looking right at him before Juntae fully drags him away from view. What the fuck is his issue?
Hyuntak is about to get up when Sieun's hand stops him. “Whatever it is, let them talk it out first. We’ll ask Juntae about it later,” Sieun says, eyes focused on Hyuntak, daring him to disagree. Hyuntak curses softly, looking towards the direction the two men disappeared to.
“I have a feeling they’ll take a while; we should eat first,” Baekjin says.
Everyone gets up, a little dazed. No one talks at the dining table. Everyone’s straining their ears trying to listen in to whatever it is that’s happening in the guest room. They hear nothing, of course. Hyuntak isn’t eating, he’s just sitting at the table quietly, his expression and body tense. Jinhee and his friends keep looking at him, worriedly. Hyuntak thinks they should worry about Juntae, instead. God knows what the guy’s saying to him right now. When Hyuntak looks in the direction of Humin’s guest room, his eyes coincidentally meet Baekjin, who’s almost studying him. Baekjin tilts his head at an angle and Hyuntak looks away.
Hyuntak feels like Baekjin sees something through him.
Ever since that tempestuous night, Juntae always makes sure to steer clear from the particular blocks around Seongje’s store, in case he sees him again. It’s not like he didn’t enjoy their short but heated night together. He just doesn't think it’s fair for Seongje if he’s expecting something serious out of this, since Juntae’s still undeniably hung up on Hyuntak. Maybe he's scared, who knows. Juntae changes the display name for his contact from Glasses to Seongje. Still, he never calls.
For a few months, Juntae works like a machine. He keeps himself busy, often working overtime, leaving only enough free time for more chores. He does take breaks here and there, but they’re sparse. Sieun starts getting worried once Juntae rejects their invitation to hang out for the fourth time. Juntae tells them he’s fine and that he’s just really swamped with work at the moment. When Sieun invites him out once more, assuring him it’s just going to be them sans Hyuntak, Juntae finally agrees to it.
Juntae’s not completely ignoring Hyuntak, he still texts him (in the group chat) and calls him (limited to thirty minutes) once in a while. He’s contacting him just enough so Hyuntak won’t be too worried. He’s afraid if he does it too much, Hyuntak might break down his front door. He doesn’t really want to deal with something like that. He was amazed that Hyuntak hadn't come to his apartment and forced him to talk, actually. He finds out why when he goes to see his friends, Sieun tells him that he actually wanted to do that but they advised him against it, multiple times.
Then, Humin’s invitation arrives.
Hyuntak will be there, of course, and so will Jinhee. Juntae thinks he’ll be fine. He’s not that hung up on Hyuntak anymore, he convinces himself. He’s already prepared himself. He’s spent like two days just scrolling through Hyuntak’s and Jinhee’s Instagram posts, looking at each picture they posted since they got together–almost three years worth of pictures. He was doing something kind of like an exposure therapy, he thinks. He only cried once, in the beginning. He’s already trained for this, he got this.
When he sees them, he almost wants to leave. Maybe he doesn’t get this. But, he pushes through. He thinks everything went okay. He sort of got scared when Jinhee talked to him but he really thinks he did well in the end. When Humin interrupts them, Juntae’s so grateful he could kiss him. Juntae’s having a fun time. Humin’s sharing their funny stories and then mostly Suho and Hyuntak retaliate by retelling embarrassing anecdotes about Humin. Humin doesn’t look ashamed at all. He’s too busy gawking at his boyfriend. They’re really cute together.
And then Seongje walks in.
Juntae’s petrified. He might have gasped, he doesn’t know. Seongje looks way too happy about this. Juntae suddenly recalls that Seongje said something about fate before. He thought it was ridiculous, then. Right now, not so much. Juntae can only watch as Humin and Seongje talk. He almost stops breathing when Seongje says Hyuntak's name. He knows he recognises it. Probably, because it really pissed him off, that time. Juntae’s silently begging him to just shut the fuck up.
When he can’t take it anymore, Juntae speaks up, requesting to use Humin’s guest room. As soon as he gets the permission, he drags Seongje away. Seongje’s low chuckles as Juntae’s pulling him away are doing something to him. His ears are burning. Juntae doesn’t say anything until they’re both safely secured behind the closed door. Juntae turns around to look at Seongje. Somehow, he looks even more handsome than the night Juntae left him. Seongje looks back, drinking him up. He waits.
“You need to keep your mouth shut,” Juntae says, finally. Not even with a ‘please’. Seongje moves closer to him. Juntae doesn’t budge. Seongje looks like he likes that.
“You didn’t call again, baby,” Seongje says, instead, tucking Juntae’s hair behind his ear.
“Seongje, I’m being serious.” Juntae pushes his hand away and fixes his hair.
“You remember my name. I did a good job, then?” He grabs a hold of Juntae’s hand. Juntae tries not to think about what he’s implying. “Yet, you didn’t call.” Seongje sounds a bit hurt.
“Life got crazy. I’m sorry.”
“I could’ve gone looking for you, you know? But, I didn’t. Good thing I waited, fate brought you back to me, anyway,” Seongje whispers, “prettier than the day I lost you.” Juntae thinks he’s a little dramatic and the first thing he said sounds a little concerning.
“Don’t say anything weird, okay? Especially not to Tak,” Juntae asks sweetly. He’s really trying to dial up his charms.
“Are you still in love with him?” Seongje asks, his face actually serious. He’s staring so deeply into his eyes, Juntae’s afraid he might find the answer before he can even lie about it.
“I’m not.” Juntae’s lying.
“You are,” he shoots back.
“It doesn’t matter. His wife is here and she’s a sweet person. Please, just pretend you know nothing.” Juntae’s about to start begging, really.
“Go out with me,” Seongje says. “Forget about him and date me.” Juntae wishes it was that easy.
“Do you actually like me? We’ve met twice and I’ve ghosted you both times,” Juntae reminds him about it. He’s not proud of it, treating Seongje like that. But, he just never expects to keep meeting him.
“You’ve broken my heart twice. Are you really going to do it again?” Seongje asks as he brings Juntae’s hand to the left side of his chest. Juntae feels his heart beating, wild and strong. “I really like you. No, I don’t know why. I just can’t stop thinking about you. Baekjin wanted to kill me, y’know, because I kept calling him and telling him about you.” He sounds a little pathetic that Juntae’s heart skips a couple beats. Also, what the hell could he even say about him because, again, they’ve met twice?
“I’ll think about it, okay? I promise I’ll call you this time. You know my friends, you can bother Baku if I don’t call you,” Juntae proposes. Seongje must’ve found that funny because he laughs.
“Okay, if you don’t call me within three days, I will get your address from Baku,” Seongje replies. Juntae doesn’t think that’s what he said. But, desperate time calls for desperate measures.
“Fine,” Juntae says, frowns, and adds, “you’re a little weird, don’t you know?”
“You look polite but you’re a little rude. Just my style,” Seongje says while snickering. He’s really odd.
“Promise you’ll behave.” Juntae holds out a pinky for whatever reason. He’s not really in his right mind. Seongje lets out a short laugh.
“Promise you’ll call,” he returns. He’s holding out his pinky, too, waiting for Juntae’s response.
“Fine,” Juntae says, linking their pinkies together. This is stupid.
“Okay, seal the promises with a kiss.” That’s not how pinky promises work, Juntae thinks. But, he doesn’t really want to be here any longer than necessary so he gets on his tiptoes and kisses Seongje square on the mouth. Nothing too intense, just a nice chaste kiss. Seongje’s eyes are still closed when Juntae pulls back, there’s a faint smile on his lips. Juntae’s breath hitches, waiting. Seongje opens his eyes slowly and then smiles at him, a proper one this time.
“You know, you’re really handsome. We should go back,” Juntae says quickly.
He doesn’t wait for Seongje to process what he just said or give him time to reply. He takes him by the hand, unlocks the door, and walks into the dining room. Hyuntak’s eyes find him immediately, like they always do. Juntae lets go of Seongje's hand like it burns. Juntae sees there’s an empty seat next to Sieun and Humin, who’s sitting at the end of the dining table. Juntae sits there, Hyuntak and Jinhee are sitting across from him. Seongje takes the seat at Baekjin’s right, right next to Suho. Juntae tries to not notice everyone’s blatant staring, especially Hyuntak’s. He’s looking at him so hard, Juntae’s nervous.
“Are you okay, Jun?” Hyuntak asks softly. Juntae looks at him and catches his concerned look. Juntae’s still in love with him.
“I’m fine,” Juntae replies with a smile, willing his voice to not tremble, “don’t worry, Tak-ah.”
It gets quiet again after that. Juntae eats but he can’t taste anything. Hyuntak is burning a hole in his head. No one is speaking. The silence is stifling him. He knows they’re all curious. Humin is failing to be stealthy while he looks at Juntae and Seongje. Sieun places a hand on Juntae’s thigh. Juntae gives him a small smile. Hyuntak is still staring. His wife is right next to him. Juntae can feel Seongje’s eyes on him, too. It’s still so fucking quiet. Juntae can’t take it.
“I slept with Seongje,” he confesses, calmly chewing on his food. Humin drops his utensils. Suho coughs. He looks at Hyuntak, who’s still looking at him, there’s something unfamiliar in his eyes. Juntae looks down. “That’s all.”
“Baby, you told me to not say anything,” Seongje says from the other end of the table, voice mirthful.
“You need to stop calling him ‘baby’, He has a name,” Hyuntak remarks tensely.
“Oh, should I call him ‘Jun’, then?” Seongje teases.
“You shouldn’t call him at all,” Hyuntak responds instantly, clearly annoyed.
“Baby, what should I call you?” Seongje asks in a sing-song voice. He’s doing this on purpose.
“You should stop bothering him,” Hyuntak says, clutching the utensils in his hands tightly.
“I’m leaving if the two of you don’t shut the fuck up,” Juntae finally asserts, a little too harshly, but he’s kind of overwhelmed currently. Then, he shoots both Humin and Baekjin an apologetic look. “Sorry.”
Humin gives him an understanding smile.
“It’s fine, Juntae-ssi,” Baekjin says, unaffected. “I understand you’re upset.” Oh, he’s more than upset, he’s fucking furious.
Fortunately, the rest of the dinner goes by peacefully. Seongje’s quietly stuffing himself. Hyuntak is just quietly and openly staring at Juntae. Suho–Juntae wants to thank him–starts talking about sports, randomly. Seungmok, Dongha, and Humin jump into it, and they just keep talking about it, mentioning names and teams Juntae can’t recognise. The chicken tastes good, actually. So, he gets more of it. Once everyone’s done eating, Juntae offers to help them clean up. Baekjin lets him, maybe thinking he needs this. Jinhee excuses herself and Hyuntak first, saying she’s not feeling too good.
Humin escorts them to the door.
Juntae keeps moving between the dining room and the kitchen, ignoring Seongje until he finally leaves him alone. Sieun is accompanying him in the kitchen, together with Baekjin and Humin, once he returns. Juntae’s done bringing all of the dirty dishes into the kitchen, so he starts cleaning the plates off, throwing away the waste in the bin. Sieun is washing the dishes, looking back and forth between the dishes in his hands and Juntae.
“I’m okay, Sieun," Juntae says eventually, “just…a little frustrated.”
“Do you like Seongje?” Sieun asks unexpectedly. Juntae notices Humin and Baekjin stilling.
“I don't know,” Juntae answers honestly. The sound of running water fills the small kitchen.
Jinhee’s not talking to him. She's been quiet ever since they left Humin’s place. He lets her be and focuses on driving home instead. Once they walk through the front door, Jinhee turns to face him. “Can you sleep in the other room? I really want to be alone,” Jinhee says, looking really tired.
“What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?” Hyuntak asks, a little worried.
Jinhee looks at him but doesn't say anything, at first. It's like she's debating with herself whether to say it or not. Hyuntak isn't sure what it is but it doesn't seem like it's anything good, if the way Jinhee's acting is any indication. She goes at it for a while, occasionally looking at him and sighing. Hyuntak just waits, in case she really decides to talk to him about it, instead of just staring. After a while, she looks like she's decided to go through with it.
“What do you think about Juntae-ssi?” she asks, her face not giving away anything else, this time.
“Juntae? He's my best friend,” he replies.
“What do you think about him?” She's pushing.
“I think he's great, baby. What is going on?” Hyuntak feels dread looming over him.
Jinhee is quiet again. Hyuntak waits. He doesn't like that look in her face. That's the face she puts on before she says something outlandish. “Okay, if Juntae-ssi is a girl–”
“Juntae isn't a girl. I know what you're hinting at,” Hyuntak says, cutting her off.
Humin tried this once, a little after he told them he was going out with Jinhee.
When it was just him and Hyuntak, Humin stared at him, and kept asking if he was sure about this, about dating Jinhee. Hyuntak was a bit annoyed. Of course, he was serious about her, they’d been on a bunch of dates and Hyuntak had enjoyed every single one. Humin said nothing for a while, until he cleared his throat and told Hyuntak that he thought there was something between him and Juntae. Hyuntak frowned, wondering why Juntae was being brought up right now. Yes, he liked Juntae, but only as friends, and nothing more, he told Humin. Like, he got that his friends were either gay or bisexual, but that didn’t mean that he would automatically be one, too.
When Humin asked what he thought about Juntae, his answer was the same as his present thoughts. Juntae is really a wonderful person. Hyuntak thinks he lights up every room he walks into, just with his very presence. When he smiles, all Hyuntak can think is that he wants to protect it. His laughters sound like a beautiful choir to his ears. Hyuntak really likes Juntae’s face when he first wakes up from sleeping, it’s cute. When he talks to him, Hyuntak wants to record every word in his mind. Every touch from Juntae set his skin on fire. When Juntae told him he’s his favourite person, Hyuntak felt like he was on cloud nine. He loves Juntae. He’s one of the best friends he’s ever had. The best person he’s ever known.
But, Hyuntak knows he’s not in love with him.
“Honey,” Jinhee says tiredly, “have you ever imagined a future with Juntae-ssi?” Why is she being so unrelentless?
“Baby, I don’t know why you’re being like this. If you’re implying that I’m in love with Juntae, I’m not. I’m in love with you,” Hyuntak replies, he’s desperate for her to believe this.
“How sure are you?” When she asks this, she looks almost sad. It’s breaking Hyuntak’s heart. Hyuntak’s throat feels dry and his breathing falls short. Hyuntak cups her face in his hands.
“I’m sure of it, baby. I wouldn’t marry you if I wasn’t sure,” Hyuntak answers, caressing her cheeks. She’s looking at him with a straight face and it’s scaring him.
“Is that really something you wanted or is it just something you have to do?” Jinhee questions. Hyuntak is speechless.
Finish school, get a good job, get married, have kids, be happy. It’s supposed to be simple. Jinhee must have seen something on his face because she scoffs, pushing his hands down from her face. She looks heartbroken and it’s killing Hyuntak. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Why is she doubting him?
“I do know you love me, honey. I can feel it, I can see it. But, in love…?” She’s looking at him like she wants him to fill in the blanks. Like she wants him to figure it out by himself. Like she’s ready to get her heart broken.
“I’m really not in love with Juntae,” he says. Hyuntak sounds like a broken record. He needs her to believe him on this, someone to believe it.
“How many times have you told yourself that until you believe it?” Jinhee’s voice sounds so weak. She’s looking up at him, her eyes rimmed red. Hyuntak can only stare at her, mouth agape. He can’t even bring himself to comfort her. “Think about it. I’m going back to my parents’ place tomorrow. I’ll give you a week to figure it out. I’m angry, but I also feel so sorry for you.” And she leaves, her steps lifeless. Hyuntak stands frozen, watching her until she’s gone.
Hyuntak doesn’t know how long he was standing there, his mind blank. He only moves once he feels the soreness in his feet from standing up for too long. He drags himself to the couch, dropping down on it like a sack of potatoes. How many times? A lot, actually. He does believe it because he knows it’s the truth. He’s not in love with Juntae. No matter how wonderful, adorable, or beautiful Hyuntak finds him, Hyuntak isn’t in love with him. He can’t be in love with him. Juntae’s his friend. He’s someone’s husband. He’s not in love with Juntae.
“I slept with Seongje.”
Hyuntak wanted to throw up when he heard it. It’s not like he’s against men sleeping with each other. It’s just. It’s Juntae. He knows Juntae’s a grown up and probably has slept with multiple people before, because just look at him. Hyuntak’s sure men are lining up for him. He frowns. He doesn’t like thinking about it. Just because he knows it, doesn’t mean he wants to hear about it. That motherfucker looked so smug about it, too. Just because Juntae admitted to it to everyone. Hyuntak’s Juntae. Juntae slept with Seongje and Hyuntak feels sick.
He calls Humin, who picks up after three rings.
“Gogo?” he calls, voice groggy.
“Were you sleeping?” Hyuntak asks, feeling guilty for disturbing him.
“Yeah. Why do you sound like that? Is everything okay?”
“Humin,” Hyuntak says, he rarely ever uses Humin’s real name, “I really need a company right now.”
“Where do you want me?” Humin queries at once. He understands Hyuntak.
Hyuntak tells him the location and Humin agrees before they end the call. Hyuntak gets up and picks up his keys, and then decides it’s best if he doesn’t drive. So, he grabs a taxi, instead. The pub is already lively when he arrives. There’s a live band playing some slow songs on the stage. The singer’s voice is lovely, Hyuntak notes. Humin finds him at the bar about ten minutes later, already sipping on his second glass of whiskey. Humin looks at him worriedly before ordering a drink for himself.
“Baekjin?” Hyuntak asks.
“He’s sleeping. He knows I’m going out to see you,” Humin replies.
“Right. Sorry for bothering you, man,” Hyuntak apologises.
“It’s alright. My bro needs me,” Humin says, chuckling slightly. “Baekjin understands.”
They don’t speak. Humin is just waiting for Hyuntak to talk first. Hyuntak takes a sip of his drink, his eyes closed, listening to the song the singer is singing. Something about longing and unrequited love. The singer's voice really is lovely, it sounds a little like Juntae’s singing voice. He comments on it to Humin, who listens quietly and then nods, agreeing with him. Hyuntak twists his glass on the counter, watching the golden-brown liquid swirl slowly. Juntae…
“Jinhee thinks I’m in love with him,” Hyuntak says eventually, Humin hums, careful. “I said I’m not in love with him. She doesn’t believe me.” Humin takes a sip of his drink, sighing satisfactorily when the liquid hits his throat.
“Did she say why?” he asks.
“She told me to figure it out myself,” Hyuntak replies, chuckling weakly.
“And have you…figured it out?” Humin questions, after another small sip.
“Do you still think I’m in love with him,” Hyuntak asks instead.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Please, man,” Hyuntak says, pitifully looking at Humin. Humin’s face softens.
“Yes,” he answers. Hyuntak nods slowly, expecting the answer.
Hyuntak downs the rest of his drink in a quick gulp before requesting another glass from the bartender. He smiles politely when he places the drink in front of Hyuntak. Hyuntak looks into the glass, watching the liquid dance again. Then, he takes a small sip, putting the glass down on the counter with a soft clink. He doesn’t say anything, just yet. He listens, instead, to the music and the quiet chatter and laughter from the other patrons. He observes as the bartender moves around behind the counter, serving drink after drink to the parched customers. He looks at Humin, who’s staring at him, concerned.
“I think I’m in love with him, man. Fuck.” Hyuntak looks scared when he says it out loud. His voice can barely be heard above the other sounds. But, Humin hears him clearly, his eyes wide. Hyuntak lets out a shuddering breath, clutching on the glass tightly. “I’m in love with Juntae.” He knows it. Hyuntak thinks he’s always known about it,
“What are you going to do about it?” Humin asks, his voice uneasy.
“I want to see him,” Hyuntak decides.
“Not tonight, dude. You’ve been drinking,” Humin tells him, “also I think he’s at Suho and Sieun’s.”
“Why the fuck would he be there?” Hyuntak asks, frowning. Humin doesn’t look at him. No fucking way. “You’re kidding me.”
“I honestly think they’re just sleeping together this time, like normal sleeping. Juntae looked like he needed company,” Humin says carefully. Hyuntak stares. Humin tries not to squirm.
“Have you slept with him? Like the not normal kind,” Hyuntak asks, copying Humin’s words. Humin blinks. His friends are unbelievable.
“Just once. After you introduced Jinhee to us,” Humin replies honestly. Hyuntak is baffled beyond belief.
“You guys are the worst friends ever,” Hyuntak comments, taking a sip of his drink.
“I think that makes us the best friends ever, actually,” Humin retorts. A pause. Then, he asks, “What about Jinhee, then?” Hyuntak flinches, his drink swishing a little too wildly in his glass.
“I don’t know,” Hyuntak answers honestly. He’s going to have to talk to her about this. “She’s going to stay at her mum's house starting tomorrow. She’s giving me a week, she said.”
“You’re going to have to choose, man,” Humin says, words weighted.
“I know,” Hyuntak responds. Juntae’s sweet smiling face appears in his muddled mind.
Juntae rejected Suho and Sieun’s offer to stay at their place after Humin’s disastrous birthday dinner, saying he just needed some time alone to think.
And he did think…a lot. About Hyuntak–the man he wants, but can never have. He thought that time and space could wash it away, his feelings for the married man. It didn’t exactly happen, did it? And then, he thought about Seongje–the man who just refuses to let him go. He claimed fate brought them together. How cruel, Juntae mused. How could fate lead him to something so fruitless? To someone whose heart is already shattered, he’ll bleed if he attempts to pick up the pieces.
Juntae thought about them until his consciousness faded and sleep claimed him.
He’s on his lunch break when he decides to call Seongje, his heart in his throat. Juntae can't ignore him this time. He knows Seongje wasn't kidding about getting his address from Humin if he refuses to call. So, he takes a deep breath. His thumb hovers over the call button on Seongje’s contact card, trembling slightly. He breathes out, and hits the call button. He doesn't have to wait long, Seongje picks up after the first ring. Juntae guesses he's not busy, then.
A lazy drawl greets Juntae's ear. “Geum Seongje,” Seongje says as soon as he picks up the call.
“Seongje,” Juntae calls softly. Then, a beat of silence.
“Hey, baby. You called.” Seongje sounds relieved and exhilarated. Juntae can see the smile on his face in his mind, as clear as day.
“Yes,” Juntae says, “I promised, remember?” Juntae's smiling, too, recalling their silly pinky promises.
Seongje chuckles, airy. “Third time’s the charm,” he remarks.
“Let's meet up,” Juntae suggests. He's not thinking about properly seeing Seongje, maybe just something casual for now. They can start as friends, even though they've already crossed the line in the sand. “If you're not busy tonight, do you want to come over? We can talk and maybe watch a movie.”
“Hm, is this a date?” Seongje asks, voice lilting.
“No, just a casual hangout,” Juntae replies.
“Ah, am I being put into, what do people call it, the friend zone?”
“Maybe,” Juntae says, “you can try to work your way out of it.” Juntae is half-joking. He doesn't know why he's flirting now.
“Well, I am a hard worker.” Seongje is flirty and confident.
“Somehow I doubt that,” Juntae notes with a snort.
“I can be one for you, baby.” Juntae can just tell that he has that lazy smirk that he always wears on his face right now, as he says that.
“Yeah, whatever. Be here by eight. Don't be late. I'll text you my address later,” Juntae rambles. His ears are starting to feel hot. Seongje titters, then he hums.
“Alright, I'll see you later, baby. Look pretty for me, yeah?”
Yeah, no. “Goodbye,” Juntae says, instead, and ends the call. He gets the feeling that it will keep going if he doesn't cut it short.
Juntae focuses on his tasks after lunch ends, he doesn’t let his mind stray anywhere. Before he realises it, the end of the day approaches. Juntae leaves the office at six on the dot. Thirty minutes later and he’s home. Juntae takes a quick shower and then he’s in the kitchen, making sure some beers are cooling in the fridge and gathering some snacks for later. Juntae’s pantry and fridge are always well-stocked because his friends (except Sieun) love raiding his inventories, so he learns to be prepared.
Juntae’s still in the kitchen when the bell rings before the clock even hits seven o’clock and Juntae tilts his head, confused. Is Seongje so excited, he’ll get here like an hour early. Juntae walks to the front door, tidying his clothes and hair, even though there’s not much to tidy up. He’s pretty much just dressed as he usually does at home–baggy clothes and pants. He twists the doorknob and pulls the door open with a smile.
“Jun.” It’s Hyuntak. He’s still in his work clothes, his sleeves rolled up, showing off his forearms, the two top buttons of his shirt are undone. He must’ve driven here right after work. Juntae tries not to stare too much.
“Tak!” he exclaims. He’s happy to see him, of course, but Juntae doesn’t expect him to be here, today of all days. “Come in!” He moves aside, letting Hyuntak walk inside.
“Sorry for coming without notice. I just really wanted to see you,” Hyuntak says, once Juntae closes the door. He smiles like he feels bad about it. He looks at Juntae, who’s smiling softly at him. The way he’s staring seems different, Juntae thinks, there’s something almost too soft about it. Juntae doesn’t know what to think. Then, Hyuntak adds, “I missed you, Jun.”
“You just saw me last night,” Juntae retorts, rolling his eyes.
“Right,” Hyuntak says. “I’m sorry about last night. It wasn’t my place.” He frowns while saying it.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s sit.” Juntae wraps his hand around Hyuntak’s wrist and pulls him towards the couch. Juntae doesn’t sit too close to Hyuntak, he makes sure there’s at least some space between them. Their bodies are angled at each other. Hyuntak’s hands are on his sides, while Juntae has his hands on his lap. This is fine, Juntae thinks. Just two friends hanging out together.
“You get here right after work? Won’t Jinhee worry?” Juntae asks. Hyuntak blinks, caught off guard by the question.
“Jinhee…” Hyuntak trails off, frowning. Then, he shakes his head. “It’s fine. She’s okay with this.” Juntae thinks his answer is a bit weird.
“Jun, I missed you,” Hyuntak says again. Juntae smiles.
“I know, you said that already, Tak-ah.”
“You're right here in front of me, but I still miss you, Jun. I haven't had you to myself like this for so long.” Hyuntak looks so wounded it makes Juntae speechless. He can only stare as Hyuntak looks at him longingly. Hyuntak places his hand on Juntae's cheek, caressing his skin so gently, Juntae's heart aches.
Inadvertently, Juntae leans into it, yearning for Hyuntak's touch, eyes closed, brows furrowed. It's been a while since Hyuntak last held him like this. Juntae really does miss him, a lot more than he's willing to admit. When Juntae opens his eyes slowly and looks up at Hyuntak through his lashes, the latter gasps. Immediately realising their closeness, Juntae straightens up, pushing Hyuntak's hand away from his face and bringing it down to Hyuntak's lap, instead.
Juntae is about to pull his hands back but Hyuntak quickly captures them in his grips. Juntae looks at him, confused. Juntae watches, petrified, as Hyuntak brings his hands up to his lips and he kisses them so lovingly, Juntae's heart begins hammering in his chest. The heat rises to his cheeks, colouring them red. His mouth hangs open, his eyes wide, as Hyuntak keeps leaving light kisses on the back of his hands, his eyes looking right at Juntae. This shouldn't be happening. This is wrong.
“What are you doing?” Juntae hisses at Hyuntak.
Once he regains his senses, Juntae pretty much just tears his hands away from Hyuntak's hold, clutching them close to his chest. He backs away until his back hits the couch's handrest. His face is burning with excitement and shame. This isn’t something he should be allowing a married man to do to him. Hyuntak tries to scoot closer to him, making Juntae shrink more into himself. Hyuntak stops. He looks so pained, Juntae’s heart clenches, but he remains guarded. Hyuntak must be losing his mind.
“Jun,” he calls, softly so as to not scare Juntae.
“What?” Juntae asks, voice trembling. He loves him so much, a part of him wants Hyuntak to keep touching him, his morals be damned.
“I’m in love with you,” Hyuntak confesses, eyes incredibly earnest. A soft smile appears on his face. The one so filled with love, Juntae almost loses his breaths, especially when it’s directed at him. Juntae’s heart is beating so damn fast he’s convinced he’s having a heart attack. “Jun, I love you.” Juntae heard him the first time. It sounds even more unreal the second time.
“Tak,” Juntae says when he finally finds his voice back, “you’re not in love with me. You can’t…” Juntae isn’t in the mood to be a homewrecker. He’s been working so hard to make sure his feelings don't get in the way of his friend’s happiness and marriage. So, what the fuck is going on now?
“I am. Jun, I’m so in love with you, I dreamt that you were in my arms last night. The emptiness I felt when I woke up was unbearable, Jun. I love you so much, my heart wanted you long before I could name what I feel for you. If I could turn back time to beat some senses into the past me, I would, Jun. I would make you mine before anyone could even get a taste of you.” He’s being serious. Juntae feels like crying. Why is he saying all these now?
“You can’t, Tak-ah. You’re already married. You shouldn’t be saying these things. You must be confused,” Juntae tells him. He tries to laugh, but it sounds so empty.
“You know I’m not confused. Jun, I love you and I know you’re in love with me. I can see it now, I’m stupid for not seeing it earlier, for refusing to acknowledge it. But, I see it now. You love me,” Hyuntak says, full of conviction.
He moves closer and Juntae watches, frozen by Hyuntak’s words. He holds Juntae’s face again, with both hands this time, and Juntae almost hisses because of the statics. Hyuntak is caressing his cheeks, painfully gentle. Juntae sees it in his eyes. He’s not lying. He really does love him. His love is so apparent it’s sickening. Juntae wants to cry. Maybe he's already crying. He’s not sure. Hyuntak is smiling lovingly at him. Juntae is astonished. Then, Hyuntak eyes drift down to his lips and Juntae panics, pushing him away.
“I think you should leave,” he says tersely, his voice shaking. He thinks he’s shaking.
“Jun.” Hyuntak tries to reach out again.
“Tak,” Juntae says through gritted teeth, “you need to leave. Go back to your wife.”
“Is it because I’m married?” Hyuntak asks, like it could be anything else.
“Yes, so leave. Please, Tak, I can’t do this,” Juntae replies. Whatever this is.
Hyuntak must see how distressed he is. He gets up, nodding. Juntae follows behind him as he walks to the front door and pulls the door open. He doesn’t walk out, just stands there, his back to Juntae. “I’m serious about you, Jun. Wait for me. I’ll make you mine.” He’s insane. What the fuck is he saying?
“Please just go,” Juntae says weakly. Hyuntak nods and walks out.
“Whoa, if it isn't ‘Mr. Married Man’... What’re you doing here, man? Trying to fuel a sexy rumour?” Juntae knows that voice. Juntae walks out the door, too. He watches as Seongje approaches, hands in his pockets, his pace relaxed. “Baby, you cried again,” he says once he stops in front of them.
Hyuntak is looking at him, silent, the air around his body bristling. Seongje looks at him challengingly, almost goading him to start something. Juntae gets in between them before they could start shit.
“Fuck are you doing here?” Hyuntak asks. Seongje chuckles.
“Oh, a date, no, a casual hangout, right, baby?” he replies, looking at Juntae. “I’m hoping for something more, though, now that I see you like this, baby.”
“Right,” Juntae says. The air is tense. “Tak, you should leave, please.”
Juntae turns around to face him. Hyuntak’s jaw and fists are clenched tightly. He looks like he’s ready to swing. Juntae quickly puts his hand on Hyuntak’s face and holds one of Hyuntak’s hands in the other, feeling him relax under his touch. Hyuntak’s eyes snap to Juntae’s worried face, his rage melting into a soft look, love. Juntae might’ve gasped. Hyuntak covers Juntae’s hand on his cheek with his, pulling it towards his lips, kissing the palm of Juntae’s hand so, so gently while looking at Juntae, his eyes curved. Juntae feels his smile against his skin. His heart throbs.
“Wait for me, okay?” Hyuntak asks, leaving another kiss on Juntae’s palm. Juntae can only stare at him, wide eyed, his cheeks burning. And then Hyuntak leaves. Juntae doesn’t move. He can’t move. His heart is beating so loud, everyone could hear it, probably.
“What the fuck was that?” Seongje asks once Hyuntak is far away enough, the usual glee is gone from his voice. Juntae turns around slowly, and faces him.
“It’s nothing, let’s just go inside,” he answers and walks inside, not waiting for Seongje. He knows he’ll follow him, anyway.
“Doesn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me,” Seongje remarks with a scoff, closing the door behind him.
“Just…just drop it, okay? I don’t know what’s going on, too,” Juntae tells him, walking into the kitchen. He hasn’t brought the things he prepared to the living room. “Can you grab some beers from the fridge?” he asks while carrying the snacks in his hand. Seongje says nothing, obediently grabbing the six-pack of beers from the fridge and then tails Juntae into the living room.
“You know, if you ever get married to someone other than me,” Seongje suddenly starts once they’re both sitting on the couch, the snacks and beers spread in front of them on the coffee table, “your husband will have to get used to me just coming over and fucking you often.”
“Are you actually fucking insane?” Juntae asks, aghast. Seongje laughs, desire behind his eyes.
“Oh, I’m crazy for you, baby,” he replies.
Surprisingly, the rest of the hangout is decent. Sure, Seongje makes a few out of hand comments, but nothing Juntae can’t handle. It’s fun, he thinks, being with Seongje. They just talk about whatever that passes through their minds. Seongje tells him he plays games a lot. Juntae asks what his favourite one is and Seongje replies: ‘League’. He laughs when Juntae makes a disgusted face at him. Juntae tells him he enjoys the music from that company more and Seongje just comments that he looks the part, whatever that means. It’s close to midnight when Seongje finally makes a move to leave, saying if he stays longer Juntae won’t be able to sleep. When Juntae blushes down to his neck, Seongje almost hesitates to go.
He’s gone after leaving a quick kiss on Juntae’s cheek and a promise to come again.
Everything is oddly peaceful after that. Hyuntak never comes back, only texting him occasionally. Seongje comes over a few times, sometimes they just watch Juntae’s favourite movies and dramas together, sometimes they just talk, sometimes they do more. It’s not until about two weeks after the thing with Hyuntak that he finds out about the news. He’s just at a cafe with Humin, Suho, and Sieun because Sieun wants to try the coffee here. Humin says he invited Hyuntak, too, but the man said he’s busy. Mindlessly, Juntae asks why.
“Wait, don’t you know?” Humin asks, his brows furrowed. Suho and Sieun exchange a look with each other.
“What?” Juntae asks, quizzed. Humin looks at the couple and they look back at him. Is Juntae the only one out of the loop?
“Uh, we thought you knew,” Humin says and then hesitantly shares the news, “Gogo and Jinhee are filing for a divorce. They’re in the cooling period right now, I think.”
“It's the ‘waiting’ period,” Sieun corrects.
“What?!” Juntae exclaims after his friends’ words sink into his head. Juntae’s so loud the people from the other tables are looking at him. He covers his mouth with his hands and bows apologetically at some of them. “What the fuck do you mean they’re getting a divorce, it’s barely been a year?” Juntae’s voice is lower, but he doesn’t sound less intense.
“They said it’s mutual,” Suho supplies. Juntae frowns.
“But, why?” Juntae questions. Humin hesitates before sighing.
“So, Gogo’s in love with you,” Humin says, trying to sound casual, “Jinhee figured it out, and now we’re here.” Juntae’s in shock, looking at his friends.
“Did you know…that he’s in love with you?” Sieun asks carefully. They wait patiently for Juntae to gather his thoughts.
“He told me about it the day after the dinner at Baku’s, but I told him to leave, Sieun. Fuck, this is my fault. I shouldn’t’ve let him in in the first place.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Humin says gently. Well, it feels like it is.
A few days later, Juntae invites Jinhee to meet up. He has to talk to her. The guilt is eating him alive. No matter how much his friends try to convince him this isn't his fault, he still doesn't believe them. He's waiting for her in a quiet corner of a different cafe, staring into the drink in front of him, his face fuzzily reflected on its dark surface. Juntae has been going crazy thinking about their divorce. When his friends check on him, he says he's fine. When Seongje asks to hang out, he says he'll need a rain check. Juntae is lost.
“Hi, Juntae-ssi,” Jinhee greets as she takes the seat in front of him. She looks fine. There's a bit of sadness in her eyes, but overall she looks good.
“Hello,” Juntae replies, his eyes find hers.
“I take it, you found out?” She's looking at him, searching for something.
“Yeah.” Juntae tries not to choke on his word.
She sighs, leaning back in her seat. “It's not you, if that's what you're worried about. You did nothing. Hyuntak's the one who realised his feelings late, and I was the one who pushed him to that point,” Jinhee says. “I've known about it, I guess. I just didn't want to believe it. Even when we were still dating, I could see how enamoured he was with you and how much you found him endearing. I pretended I didn't see it, because he himself didn't believe it.”
“He loves you,” Juntae says helplessly. It's true, Hyuntak loves her.
“Yes, and I love him. But, it's not the same; his love for me and you. He loves me because he has to, but he loves you because he wants to,” Jinhee elucidates, “and I love him.”
“Jinhee-ssi, I'll talk to him, okay? I won't get in the way. He should stay with you,” Juntae claims. Jinhee laughs humourlessly.
“This marriage is doomed from the start, Juntae-ssi. Don't waste your time. I'm not wasting any more of mine on it, too. I'm hurt, but time will heal me. I've made my choice. I hope you'll respect it,” Jinhee tells him. She's smiling at him, comfort mixed with sadness.
“I'm sorry,” Juntae says, eyes misty.
“You're sweet,” Jinhee remarks, “but I really mean it, Juntae-ssi. This isn't on you and my decisions are final.” She gets up from the seat, idling by the side of the table briefly. “When you get married to him, don't invite me.” When she chuckles, it sounds genuine.
“Goodbye, Juntae-ssi,” she says. Juntae smiles up at her. And then, she's gone, carrying some of the weight in Juntae's chest out with her.
“You know, I platonically look at Sieun like that, too, a lot,” Suho said, humour in his voice.
Hyuntak's eyes found Suho’s amused look. Suho was standing at the door of his room, looking at Juntae, who was sleeping peacefully in Suho’s bed, and Hyuntak, who was sitting on the floor beside the bed, staring at Juntae’s sleeping face. They were all at Suho’s place because Suho said they–Suho, Sieun, and Juntae–needed to be recharged with his grandmother’s home-cooked meals after their hellish finals. Hyuntak and Humin, who immediately jumped into the job market as soon as they graduated high school, were here because they refused to be left out. Also, because Hyuntak missed Juntae, he hadn’t seen him for months. University sucked, Hyuntak thought.
When Hyuntak saw Juntae earlier in the day, Juntae looked almost dead. His subjects were extremely difficult this semester and he had been working his ass off, he told Hyuntak. Suho’s grandmother looked at him with a face full of concern and told Suho to let Juntae sleep in his room right that instant. Hyuntak, of course, followed them. Juntae’s eyes fluttered close as soon as his head hit the soft pillow. Suho left quietly, leaving Hyuntak to listen to the soft snoring coming from Juntae. He was probably going to join Humin, Sieun, and his grandmother in the kitchen. Suho and Sieun were still so inseparable, Hyuntak pondered, even though they were always with each other in the first place.
Hyuntak didn’t notice when Suho returned, carrying two glasses of water. Well, until he opened his loud mouth. Suho made his way into the room, placing the glasses on the short coffee table in the middle of the room. He was looking at Hyuntak knowingly with an annoying smirk on his face. Hyuntak felt like he got caught doing something indecent, even though he had only been looking at Juntae, listening to his slow breathing. Suho sat down on the floor at one side of the table, at Hyuntak’s right. He gave Hyuntak a long look, hesitating, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, a habit of his.
“You know it’s okay, right?” Suho asked. Hyuntak didn’t understand, so he just looked at Suho. Suho sighed. “It’s okay if you like him, y’know…”
“I don’t like him, not like that,” Hyuntak answered quickly, like he had rehearsed this in his mind before. “You know I like girls, man.”
“Well, you can like girls and boys. Baku’s fine with that.” Suho raised his eyebrows at him, conveying that it wasn’t something peculiar.
“I really don’t like boys, dude. Good for Baku, but I just don’t feel like that,” Hyuntak said. He truly was happy for Humin when he came out to him a little while ago.
“Maybe, it’s just Juntae?” Suho tried again. Hyuntak frowned.
“I love Juntae, Suho,” Hyuntak admitted seriously, “he’s the best person I know. But, my feelings for him are strictly platonic.” Suho didn’t look satisfied, but he dropped it when Hyuntak asked him to. Then, he left again.
Hyuntak went back to looking at Juntae. His heart constricting at the sight of Juntae scrunching his nose and frowning in his sleep. Hyuntak smiled, smoothing over the lines between Juntae’s eyebrows, then gently caressing his cheek. Juntae sighed contentedly, snuggling into the warmth of Hyuntak’s hand, and he just watched. It would be hard to not love Juntae. Even when looking at him like this, Hyuntak was overwhelmed with his affections for him. He didn’t need to be romantically attracted to Juntae to feel the swelling fondness in his heart whenever Juntae simply breathed. He loved him all the same.
Suho was right, wasn’t he? Humin and Sieun, too. They all tried to help him realise it, in their own ways. Hyuntak was just stubborn. He was hell-bent on pretending he hadn’t been deeply in love with Juntae ever since they were in high school and for what? He doesn’t even know. But, he gets it now. He is in love with Juntae, and has been for a long time. Hyuntak thinks about it, how much he adores Juntae, as he makes his way towards Juntae’s place, right after he gets out of work. He’s kind of nervous, too. He’s sure Juntae’s in love with him, too. He knows it. But, there’s also that other guy. What if Juntae’s already falling for him because Hyuntak decided to take his fucking sweet time with this?
Hyuntak stops spiralling the moment Juntae opens the door. Hyuntak feels breathless and then he feels the fresh breath of air filling his lungs once Juntae greets him with a wonderful smile on his face. Hyuntak thinks his love begins anew. His confessions, plural, don’t go that well. He forgot that he’s married for a moment. Jinhee was right, then. Juntae really started distancing himself from him because he’s married. But, he can see that Juntae’s still in love with him. So, he makes a promise and he intends to fulfil it. No one will get in the way, not even that guy, Seongje. Hyuntak heads home, determined.
He calls Jinhee once he’s home. He loves her, really. He’s not so sure that he’s ever been in love with her, though. Hyuntak doesn’t feel good about it. He feels like shit, actually. Jinhee picks up after the second ring.
“Go Hyuntak,” she says as soon as she picks up, her voice hard. Hyuntak gulps, a little scared.
“Jinhee,” Hyuntak says. Jinhee scoffs from the other line.
“You figured it out then, you bastard?” Hyuntak ignores the namecalling. “Isn’t that fucking easy? Didn't even take you the entire fucking day.” It took more than ten years, Hyuntak muses.
“I’m sorry,” Hyuntak says, genuinely sorry.
“Wait for me at home, I’m coming over to fucking chew you out, you fucking asshole,” Jinhee orders. Hyuntak weakly says yes. Jinhee ends the call and Hyuntak waits patiently. If Jinhee wants to beat him up, he’ll even let her. She’s entitled to it.
Jinhee doesn't come swinging. She's way too calm and it's making Hyuntak more nervous. She orders him to talk and he starts by apologising profusely, begging for her forgiveness, and then he tells her about his realisations. She listens. She's crying halfway through, but still, she listens. And then she speaks, saying she regrets getting married to him, saying she wasted her time for nothing, and Hyuntak listens quietly. Then, she apologises for not saying anything sooner and Hyuntak tells her it wouldn't have had the same outcome, he would still be in denial about it. It took seeing Juntae with Seongje for him to realise it.
When Jinhee starts cursing at him again, he lets her. Once she's done, and she falls into his arms, he hugs her tightly, apologising again and again. She's shaking in his arms. He's crying, too. She's holding onto him weakly, sobs racking her small frame. Hyuntak kisses the top of her head. This is still love, he thinks, even if it's not the kind of love they vowed to have for each other. Once they both calm down, Jinhee tells him they should file for a divorce, as soon as possible. He agrees, telling her he'll handle it. Though, it turns out he’s not supposed to handle it alone.
Before they proceed with that, Hyuntak gathers their parents together to break the news and Hyuntak almost gets beaten up by Jinhee's mum, but her husband holds her back. Jinhee just watches it all unfolds. She takes after her mum, Hyuntak thinks. Later on, once it's just Hyuntak and his mum, she asks him what brought this on, because they didn't say the reason for the divorce. Hyuntak hesitates before telling her about his feelings for Juntae. She's quiet for a long time, but then she tells him she understands. She says she's noticed the way Hyuntak stared at Juntae whenever Juntae stayed over in the past. She just never commented because he never brought it up. And then he got married, so she just let it go.
The divorce process is simple, though, a bit troublesome. But, it is easier since they don't have kids and are both agreeing to it. They do pretty much everything jointly, as per the requirements of an uncontested divorce. They go through counselling sessions and then there's the one month waiting period. Finally, after a little over three months from the start of the process, they're officially divorced. Jinhee says she'll beat him up if she ever sees him around, so he better mind his distance. Hyuntak thinks she's joking, he's not entirely sure. He promises to steer clear from her. They eventually go their separate ways after a last handshake. It's bittersweet. He will miss her.
He's at Juntae's door before he even realises it, ringing the bell, flinching at the sound. He's nervous. He hasn't seen Juntae in months. He's texted him, of course, but they haven't seen each other face to face in a while. Juntae already found out about the divorce from Humin, he told Hyuntak about it around two months ago. Hyuntak was planning on telling it to Juntae once everything is settled but Humin has a big mouth. When Juntae opens the door and greets him, Hyuntak feels like he was his teenage self again, feeling such intense adoration towards Juntae and falling for him all over again.
Juntae smiles and Hyuntak rushes forward to hug him, crushing him under the weight of his love.
“Tak, you’re squeezing too hard!” Juntae says, his giggles muffled by Hyuntak’s shoulders. It’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard. Hyuntak loosens his hold but doesn’t let go.
“It's official,” Hyuntak says simply.
“Oh.” Juntae looks at him, a smile blooming on his face.
“Jun,” Hyuntak calls, looking at Juntae’s flushed face. God, he’s adorable. “Seo Juntae, I’m deeply in love with you.”
“Tak-ah,” Juntae says, “this time, can you wait for me?” Hyuntak caresses his face, looking deeply into his eyes, and smiles softly. He knows this has something to do with Seongje, but he doesn't care. Juntae's his, anyway.
“As long as you need me to,” He says, a promise.
When they first started watching the drama, Seongje would scoff after every few scenes, complaining about the drama’s storylines or the characters. Juntae would tell him to just shut up and keep watching or leave if he didn’t want to watch it. Seongje kept his mouth shut. After a few episodes in, Juntae knew he was starting to get into it. He’d start asking questions instead of complaining. It was kind of funny, watching someone like him get invested in a silly little romance drama.
“I’m not rooting for him, but why won’t she just get with her best friend? Isn’t he the better choice?” Seongje commented once, pointing at the character on the screen.
“What do you mean you’re not rooting for him. You’re funny. Anyway, that’s just how it is for the second male lead. It’s fated. They never get the girl,” Juntae answered. Seongje frowned.
“That’s a thing?” Seongje asked. “Also, I don’t like the whole best friends to lovers thing. It’s boring.” Juntae looked at Seongje with a knowing look. Seongje avoided his eyes.
“Sure,” he said, “and yeah, that’s a thing.” Seongje said nothing so Juntae kept watching the drama.
“Am I your second male lead?” Seongje asked suddenly, looking serious.
Juntae blinked and looked at him amusedly. He pretended to think it over as Seongje pretended he didn’t care about the answer. “I think you’re the fifth, actually,” Juntae said eventually.
Seongje snickered, his lips curling at one corner. “Wow, ain’t you a player, baby?”
After the first time, Seongje stopped pretending he’s above enjoying them. Juntae thinks they’ve watched two series and a few movies together. Juntae enjoys it, really. Seongje’s a good company, even if he complains too much. Today, Seongje comes over again. They’re currently watching a movie, a foreign one. Seongje’s pretty locked into it since there are a bunch of fighting scenes in it. Juntae’s mind is a little occupied, thinking about Hyuntak and Jinhee’s divorce.
“You’re quiet today,” Seongje remarks lightly, eyes not straying from the screen.
“Well, you’re not complaining much,” Juntae replies, smiling.
“Nah, it’s something else. I can tell,” Seongje says, clicking his tongue. Juntae says nothing and keeps watching the movie. Seongje doesn’t push him.
“They’re getting a divorce,” Juntae shares eventually.
“Huh.” Seongje tries to sound nonchalant but Juntae sees the way his jaw is clenching. “That makes you happy?” he asks.
“Not really,” Juntae answers. Not when he still feels like he has something to do with it.
“Well, it’s not finalised yet, I’m guessing,” Seongje remarks, pursing his lips.
“They’re in the waiting period,” Juntae says quietly.
“Halfway there, then.” Seongje finally looks at Juntae. Then, with unbelievable ease, he grabs Juntae by the waist and pulls him into his lap, Juntae's back against his chest. “I can't waste a single second that I get with you, then? Ain't that right, baby?”
It's like he already comes to terms with it, like that's the inevitable ending. Juntae doesn't fight him this time, doesn't even pretend to not like it. He twists his body so that he's straddling his waist, instead, so he can see him better. Juntae looks down at him pensively, touching Seongje’s face, his thumbs resting on the man's cheeks. Seongje looks up at him, smiling but Juntae thinks it looks a little sad.
“I was starting to think that you're less annoying, too,” Juntae says, teasing. A little spark returns to Seongje's eyes, his smile widens.
When Juntae kisses him, it feels like the beginning of the end.
They keep hanging out after that, acting like nothing's changed. Seongje complains a lot, Juntae keeps scolding him. The only difference is every time Hyuntak sends updates about his divorce process, Juntae would share it with Seongje. Seongje pretends he's not affected by it. Once again, the drama they watch ends with the girl getting together with the main lead and Seongje scoffs. Juntae asks if he thinks the second male lead is better this time around, too.
Seongje says he always thinks they are.
And then, a couple days later, Hyuntak is at Juntae's door, bearing the big news. He didn't text Juntae about it, saying he wanted to tell him in person. Juntae’s happy, sure, but still there’s some bitterness to it, too. When Juntae asks him for some time, Hyuntak doesn’t even hesitate before agreeing. He must be confident, Juntae thinks, that Juntae’s once broken heart beats solely for him, uncontested.
“Geum Seongje.” The lazy voice drawls in his ear once the call is connected. There’s a hint of affection and a smile in the voice.
“Hi,” Juntae says, voice light, heart heavy. Seongje must’ve realised it, the reason for the call. He chuckles and it sounds hollow.
“Through the phone, baby?” he asks. “You’re not even going to let me look at you for the last time?” Another hollow chuckle.
“I’m sorry,” Juntae says, “I don’t think we should do that.”
“Why? Afraid you’ll change your mind?” The prospect of even a tiny chance returns the thrill in his voice.
“No,” Juntae replies. He sounds unsure, even to himself.
“Pick me instead,” Seongje says. “Baby, you know I’ll treat you so well. I’ll never hurt you. I’ll do whatever you tell me to. You won’t ever have to doubt that I love you.” He’s practically begging Juntae.
“Do you love me?” Juntae asks, hands shaking from listening to Seongje’s proclamations.
“I do, Yes, baby. I love you so much,” Seongje replied, frenzied. “Seo Juntae, I love you.” Juntae wants to cry. His lips are quivering.
“Let me go, then,” Juntae requests, voice breaking, “please.” Seongje doesn’t speak for a few moments. Juntae hears his steady breaths from the other end of the line.
“You’re so cruel, baby,” there’s a small tremble in his voice, “as cruel as fate that brought you to me.”
“I’m sorry,” Juntae says again, heart aching. Then, he laughs, like he’s delirious. “The fate of the second male lead.”
Seongje lets out a quick snort. “You're supposed to be breaking my heart, not making me fall for you even more.” He sounds genuinely endeared. “I thought I was your fifth.”
“The other three dropped out of the race, I think,” Juntae responds.
“Do you love me? Even just a little?” Seongje asks after a moment. Juntae thinks he deserves the truth.
“Yes.”
“Not as much as you love him, though.”
“Yes,” Juntae replies honestly.
“Okay,” Seongje says, “but, if he messes up, I'll snatch you away.” Juntae believes him. “Ah, Seo Juntae, what did you do to me? It hurts so much.”
“Maybe in another life, I'm yours.” Juntae's voice is quiet.
“I wish it was this one, though,” Seongje replies. “I love you, Seo Juntae.”
“I'm sorry,” Juntae says for the last time and ends the call. He lets himself cry then, lets the tears wash his sadness away. Seongje's the one who got his heart broken thrice, but Juntae's the one who feels inconsolable.
Hyuntak is over the moon.
He's been spending time with Juntae a lot lately. They mostly stay at Juntae's apartment but once in a while they go out. The first time Hyuntak saw Juntae after his last confession, the latter looked so down. Hyuntak guessed he ended things with Seongje. Juntae's sad face was killing him, but he would be lying if the fact that that's over wasn't making him happy. But, he comforted him, still, wrapped him in his arms, and let his warmth seep into Juntae, calming him down, letting him remember who his home is.
“I'm sorry for taking too long, Jun,” Hyuntak apologised, his hands cupping Juntae's face.
“You’re here now,” Juntae replied in a whisper, “I couldn't give you up, no matter how hard I tried.” Juntae's tears pooled in his eyes. Hyuntak caressed his cheeks and Juntae closed his eyes, pushing the tears down his cheeks and wetting Hyuntak's thumbs.
“My love,” Hyuntak said, “You love me so much.” He wiped away the tears from Juntae's cheek, gently, watching the colour red blossomed under his touch.
“I love you too much, it scares me sometimes.” Juntae's eyes were trembling, another set of tears dripped down his cheeks.
“You have me, now. I don't plan on ever leaving. I love you, Juntae.” Hyuntak leaned down, leaving light butterfly kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Juntae closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of his lips on his skin. Hyuntak wondered how many times he'd dreamt about this.
Then, he captured his lips in a slow kiss. More than ten years worth of love poured into it. It almost left Hyuntak breathless. It was everything Hyuntak could ever want and more. His heart was pounding in his chest, feeling alive after years, and he felt Juntae's heart match the beating in his chest. Hyuntak was almost terrified of how much he felt for Juntae at that moment, how possessive and consuming his love was. He wanted to devour him whole and really make Juntae a part of him, until no one can tell them apart.
After years, it was finally the end of their beginning and a new chapter started.
Hyuntak is leaving from his work building when he spots him, leaning against the side of the building in an annoyingly bright, orange windbreaker, smoke curling out from between his lips and into the space in front of him. Hyuntak frowns, irritated at the sight of him and wondering why the hell he's even here. A few people look disapprovingly at him as they pass by, but he only looks at them with that crazed look on his face. When he notices Hyuntak approaching, he pulls the cigarette from between his lips and drops it on the ground, squashing it under his foot, like it's not the cigarette he wants to step on.
Hyuntak notices the multiple butts of cigarettes already on the ground around him and scowls. How long has he been here exactly, just polluting the air around him? Hyuntak stops a distance away from him, where the unpleasant smell of cigarette smoke is much weaker. Geum Seongje kicks his body off of the wall and faces Hyuntak, a scornful look directed at him. Hyuntak thinks he looks like shit. He still carries himself like he did the first time Hyuntak saw him, with his signature lazy confidence, but it seems kind of dulled down. The heartbreak must've gotten to him.
“How did you even know I work here, you creep?” Hyuntak finally asks.
“It's not hard to find shit out,” Seongje replies. It didn't really answer Hyuntak's question.
“Why are you here?”
“To warn you, duh,” he answers, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. “If you ever hurt him, I'll kill you. If you fuck up, just know I'll be there for him. I'm not giving up, Go Hyuntak. I promised him I'll stay away, but I'll still be waiting… One slip up from you, and I'll make him mine, once again.” Hyuntak knows he's being genuine.
“He was never yours and don't worry, he'll be happy. I don't plan on ever messing anything up, not again.” Hyuntak stares back at him, not backing down. Seongje scoffs.
“What the fuck does he see in you? The main lead is always on some bullshit,” he says. Hyuntak stares at him, a little confused. Fuck is he on about?
“Whatever, man. Juntae is mine. You should back off,” Hyuntak claims.
“He’s yours until you fuck up, remember that,” Seongje says, a smirk on his face. “Fuck, I miss him.” Hyuntak doesn’t think he’s meant to hear the last part. Hyuntak almost feels bad for him, almost.
The smell of cigarettes clings to the place even after Seongje leaves, looking a little pitiful. Hyuntak wrinkles his nose. He can even smell it on him. Juntae smells it, too, when Hyuntak walks into his apartment. He says nothing about it, just gives Hyuntak a knowing look. Hyuntak takes the quickest, thorough shower of his life and puts his clothes in the washer immediately. He hugs and peppers Juntae with kisses once he’s clean and smells like fresh laundry, eliciting giggles from him. Hyuntak loves him immensely, and it just grows by the day.
“I love you,” Hyuntak says, looking tenderly into Juntae’s eyes. He really can’t get enough of him. His eyes, his nose, his lips… Everything about him makes his heart roar in his chest.
“You say that every day,” Juntae says, rolling his eyes. They look so bright and lovely, his eyes. He’s not looking at Hyuntak, smiling, his dimpled cheeks red as cherries, the colour spreading to his ears and down his neck. Hyuntak loves him.
“I mean it every day, Jun. Each day I love you more than the last. God, I love you,” Hyuntak confesses, every single word heavy with truth and affection. “I should’ve kissed you that day…” Hyuntak trails off, tucking some of Juntae’s hair behind his ear, earning a content sigh from him when his fingers linger on his skin. He knows Juntae understands which day he’s talking about, that day in his room when they were still just a pair of teenagers, unaware of what the future holds.
“It would save us the trouble,” Juntae says, teasing.
“Your heart would've stayed intact,” Hyuntak remarks, regretful. Juntae instantly looks at him, a tinge of sadness in his expressions. He holds Hyuntak's face in his hands, gets on his tip toes and plants a sweet kiss on his lips, and then the point of his nose. Juntae loves doing that, Hyuntak notices.
“It's fine now, it's whole again, yours to keep,” Juntae says, his voice soft, pressing his forehead against Hyuntak's, his breath caressing his lips, “yours until the end.”
Juntae kisses him on the lips again, lingering. “I love you, Go Hyuntak, with all my heart and soul.”
“Jun, let's get married. We'll start a family together. I'll love you everyday and more.” Hyuntak is serious, he wants him. “It'll work out well this time,” Hyuntak adds, feeling a little humourous. Juntae giggles.
“Give it a few months, Tak-ah. There's no need to rush, we can take it slow,” he says. “Let's date properly first, okay?”
“Okay, Jun. Whatever you say,” Hyuntak agrees, pinching Juntae’s cheeks, drawing out a protest from him. “You’re too cute, sorry.” Hyuntak caresses his cheeks and places a kiss on each of them. Juntae smiles, happy at first, and then turns shy. Hyuntak is intrigued.
“Whatever?” he asks beguilingly. Hyuntak gulps, suddenly short of breaths.
“Yes,” he replies, eyes intense. Juntae looks up at him, the way Hyuntak likes him to, through his lashes, lips pouty, looking all pretty. There’s a throbbing in his heart. His hands and feet are cold as all the heat in his body travels to the bottom of his belly. “Whatever you want, baby. I'll do anything.” If Juntae tells him to bark, he'll be the best dog to ever exist.
“Then,” Juntae mutters, biting his lips. He places his hands on Hyuntak's chest, slowly dragging them down lower and lower, and then hooks his fingers on the waistband of Hyuntak's pants. Hyuntak's breath is caught in his drying throat, captivated by Juntae's innocent face and his less-than-innocent hands. “How about a kiss?” Juntae asks, bringing his hands back to Hyuntak's chest.
“Jun,” Hyuntak says, voice low, gaze heavy, “you're killing me…”
“Give me a kiss, Go Hyuntak. And then maybe I'll let you have your ways with me,” Juntae promises, pulling Hyuntak down by his collar, lips hovering over Hyuntak's. “You said you'd do whatever, Tak-ah…”
Hyuntak's entire body is overflowing with lust, yet when his lips meet Juntae's he's incredibly gentle. His hands circle Juntae's waist, pulling him tight against him, as his lips move steadily against Juntae's, tasting and savouring him. Their lips don't part even when Hyuntak's hands move down under Juntae's thighs, lifting him up until Juntae's legs are wrapped around his waist. Whimpers and sighs escape from Juntae's mouth as Hyuntak's lips keep moving against his and his hands are caressing Juntae’s thighs.
Knowing the apartment like the back of his hands, Hyuntak carries Juntae into his bedroom, carefully dropping him onto the bed, their kiss unbroken. Juntae's growing more desperate now, his whines echoing between the walls as Hyuntak keeps gently kissing him, giving no indication that he's going to do anything further than just kissing. Juntae's not the only one who can be a tease, though Hyuntak is having an extremely hard time keeping himself in control. The sounds coming from Juntae are really driving him wild.
“More,” Juntae rasps out, pushing his hips up, pressing his hardness against Hyuntak’s and Hyuntak hisses from the contact. “Tak-ah, give me more, please…” Hyuntak holds himself back, watching Juntae squirm under him, his face flushed, eyes blown, glasses skewed. Hyuntak should be given some sort of award for being able to keep his dick in his pants right now.
“More of what, baby?” He sounds cocky, even though he’s like one thrust away from cracking.
“Kiss me harder, Go Hyuntak, and then you can fuck me as much as you want,” Juntae taunts, his eyes half-lifded, lips parted and wet from their kiss, looking exceptionally delicious. Hyuntak's knees almost buckle. “Now,” Juntae orders and Hyuntak obeys.
Hyuntak kisses him like a voracious beast, hungry hands slipping into Juntae’s shirt, leaving a trail of fire on his skin. The more sounds Juntae makes, the greedier Hyuntak gets. Once Juntae starts begging to be touched, Hyuntak throws his self control out the window and just makes it happen for him. Soon, Juntae’s delirious whimpers and Hyuntak’s unrestrained groans fill the room as they become one, body and soul. Hyuntak makes love to Juntae like he worships him, every sound from Juntae is a prayer answered. Once Juntae’s satisfied, his entire body trembling from the pleasure, a tired but content smile on his face, Hyuntak watches him and falls in love again.
Hyuntak proposes to Juntae on their first anniversary with a simple but elegant gold band. Juntae tries not to cry while Hyuntak is full on bawling as he puts the ring on Juntae’s finger. The restaurant is filled with claps and cheers when Hyuntak’s lips find Juntae’s, his arms wrapping around him. Their wedding, a few months later, is celebrated with their close friends and family. It’s a simple event filled with smiles and misty eyes. Humin is crying into Baekjin’s shoulder and the latter doesn’t even seem to mind it, softly smiling while patting Humin on the back, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. Suho and Sieun are teary eyed, too, their matching rings fit snugly on their fingers.
Hyuntak is sobbing as he holds Juntae’s hands and the wedding officiant keeps giving him concerned looks. Once they’re announced as spouses, Juntae’s the one who moves first, getting on his tip toes and pressing a tender kiss on Hyuntak’s lips, Hyuntak’s warm tears touching his cheeks. Juntae kisses the tip of Hyuntak’s nose before fully pulling away and staring lovingly at Hyuntak’s tear streaked face. A fresh wave of tears falls from Hyuntak’s eyes as he looks at Juntae’s–his husband’s–happy face. Hyuntak thinks he’s the happiest he’s ever been and it seems like the same for Juntae, too.
“Juntae, I love you,” Hyuntak says between sobs. Juntae giggles, lovelier than the wedding bells.
“I know. I love you, too, Hyuntak,” Juntae replies, his eyes glistening, “each time more than the last one.”
Down the years, Hyuntak’s love for Juntae keeps on growing. Every new day is the happiest day in his life. Every time Humin asks him how the married life is going, Hyuntak would just smile, delight spreading on his face. At some point, they adopted an adorable little girl who smiles happily the first time she lays her eyes on Juntae. Hyuntak feels like his heart has been shot. She’s as kind as Juntae and as dependable as Hyuntak. Hyuntak thinks she takes after Juntae more, though, because of how lovable she is. Juntae says she got that from him. Every day they show her how easy it is to love and be loved, to find happiness with the right person.
Just like how Hyuntak found his happiness with Juntae.