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Suo only half-believed his ears when Umemiya took to the school's PA system to announce a field trip to Amazing Flags amusement park to celebrate Bofurin's recent victory. "You all worked very hard, and you deserve to play hard as well," their leader said.
"How are you even going to do this?" Hiragi could be heard griping in the background. Suo wouldn't have been surprised if he was popping a few too many Gas-kun 10's thinking about the logistics.
"Doesn't matter! What matters is we're gonna have a great time!" Cheers erupted in the classroom, the noise from the neighboring classes bleeding through the walls. Excited chatter took over the room, everyone suddenly very invested in maximizing the most out of this surprise trip.
Tsugeura dragged his desk into their friend group's circle of seats. "There are a bunch of strength games there!" He flexed his bicep. "We can see who's really the strongest."
"What's an amusement park like?" Sakura asked, confused.
Nirei and Tsugeura turned to him in shock. "Have you ever been to one before, Sakura?" Nirei asked, resting a hand on his shoulder. When he shook his head, Nirei and Tsugeura looked at each other, both launching into overlapping explanations of everything they had to offer, which seemed to only further confuse Sakura. Suo smiled as he watched the eager banter.
Kiryu tugged his sleeve and leaned in. "As fun as it would be taking Sakura around the park, how about we make it a date? Just the two of us?"
Suo blinked. He'd started dating Kiryu a couple months ago, and while it filled him with plenty of new, vulnerable feelings, he was still getting used to the concept of dates and boyfriends and boyfriends going out on dates together. "Are you sure?"
Kiryu grinned. "Of course, it's a classic! Rides, treats, photos…" He leaned in to whisper in Suo's ear. "Even holding hands."
Suo hid his smile behind his hand. "My, how scandalous, Mitsuki-kun."
"So that's a yes?"
Suo gave him a small nod, tassels shifting. "You have a plan, I'll follow your lead."
…
Suo questioned why he let Kiryu take the lead.
The pink-haired boy's attention was all over the place, wanting to try this food, go down that road, and what about that ride, or how about this one? Suo felt like he was being tugged in every direction. Compounded with the cacophany of noise from the rest of the patrons packing the park, it was the perfect storm that seemed designed specifically to overwhelm him.
As much as Kiryu was dragging his focus every which way, Suo couldn't help but notice that everywhere they went a tall man in a bright red Hawaiian shirt prowled at a distance, staring them down when it seemed like Suo wasn't looking and turning away when Suo would face him. It was painfully obvious that they were being followed. He didn't recognize the man, but his aura suggested he was looking for a fight.
Suo would be happy to give him one.
Kiryu slowed down, pointing to a drink booth. "Let's take a break, I'm thirsty."
Suo noticed their suspicious shadow ducking into a back alley behind a sandwich vendor. "I'll catch up with you," he said. Kiryu nodded, giving him a cute little wave before heading to grab some cups. Suo turned away, following their shadow at a distance with his hands tucked behind his back.
The alley was empty when he turned the corner. "It's impolite to follow people without introducing yourself," he said into the silence.
A clatter sounded behind him. He ducked out of the way just in time to avoid a knife slicing through where his torso used to be. "It's extra impolite to bring a knife to a children's theme park." How did this guy manage to sneak it in?
"Shut up about politeness, asshole." Another jab, easily dodged. Suo still kept his hands behind his back, his eye fixated on the glinting blade. "You're full of garbage."
"It's rude to attack a stranger out of nowhere. Didn't your parents teach you manners?"
The thug yelled in frustration, opting for rushing straight at Suo. "This is for what you did to Noroshi!"
A faint glimmer of recognition sparked in Suo's mind. Ah, he had beaten down someone with a similar build and fighting style on the bridge during the Noroshi war. He'd gone down like a sack of potatoes in two hits and Suo had better things to do than ask some loser their name. He hopped away easily, letting the man's momentum carry him past him, shooting out a foot to trip him. The assailant stumbled, falling gracelessly to the ground.
"Still hung up on your loss? I'll gladly hand you another."
"I'll cut that tongue right out of your mouth." He shifted his grip on the knife, reversing his hold.
"You make this too easy," Suo said. He unclasped his hands from behind his back, adopting a loose parrying posture. He cheekily beckoned with his outstretched hand. "I don't have all day, now."
"I'll make it quick," the thug said, fists raised, blade poised to slice.
All at once he rushed forward, opening his arms like he was going to trap Suo in a killing embrace. Suo didn't need to think, letting his training take hold. Pivoting on the balls of his feet, he grasped the arm holding the knife and used the man's momentum against him, twisting him to the side and forcing him to the ground. He misjudged the distance, and with a sickening thud the man's head cracked against the side of a dumpster, falling face first to the pavement, unmoving. Suo blinked. A large red patch started to grow on the man's skull.
Oh no.
Did I just…
"Haya-chan? Are you back here?" Kiryu's voice cut through the panic that started to seep into the edge of his thoughts. He couldn't know, no one could know if he'd done what he thought he'd done. "Oh, there you are. What did—"
The pink haired boy walked up to him, silently taking in the scene and the growing pool of blood. The cups of water splashed to the ground, forgotten. "Haya-chan…what did you do."
Suo turned to look at Kiryu, panic starting to color his iris. "He came at me with a knife. I defended myself, and he fell…"
"He's not moving. This is bad. This is so bad." Kiryu started to pace back and forth, stormclouds of worry hanging over him. He looked around, suddenly paranoid. "No cameras. No witnesses. The law might be on your side, but we're not in Makochi anymore. People don't exactly see Bofurin as good here, we might be in actual trouble this time."
Suo clasped his hands behind his back again to stop his fingers from shaking. "I'll prepare to turn myself in. I'll have to bear the consequences." He did the one thing he knew how to do when the situation got dire—play it up dramatically to avoid thinking about how it really made him feel. "I'll need to leave school, wear a different eyepatch, go to prison and join another gang. You'll have to become vice captain without me, Mitsuki-kun."
Kiryu rolled his eyes. "This isn't the time for jokes, Haya-chan. We've got a dead guy on our hands. We gotta make him disappear."
Suo looked down at the very still and probably very dead man at their feet. "Is there a way to sneak him out of the park?"
Kiryu's eyes widened. "Wait, sneaking him out of the park…" He moved in close to Suo, reaching up to put his hands on the taller boy's shoulders, eyes sparkling with desperate hope. "You're a genius. We can sneak him out!"
"But how?" Suo gestured down to the body. "He looks pretty heavy, and people would notice us trying to haul him out."
Kiryu grinned conspiratorially. "I have an idea. It's crazy, but it just might work."
…
"You're right, this is crazy."
Kiryu returned after he'd run off waving his father's credit card, saying he was going to fix everything. Suo didn't see how a wheelchair, a huge floppy sunhat, a floral bandana and some sunglasses were going to fix everything.
"It's a disguise, Haya-chan. We can just say he's my uncle and he's accompanying us around the park. People won't bat an eye."
Suo grimaced. "I'm batting my eye. This is ridiculous."
"And resigning yourself to joining a prison gang isn't? Work with me, Haya-chan. We aren't gonna let you go down for this." Kiryu squatted next to the corpse, picked up one of the man's floppy arms and folded his hand into a thumbs-up, grinning expectantly up at Suo.
Suo couldn't help the nervous laughter that escaped him. "You're going to get cursed for that."
"The only thing we're getting is out of here," Kiryu shot back, snagging the bandana and wrapping it tightly around the body's head to hide the open wound. "Are you gonna commit to this?"
Suo winced. "I suppose I don't have any other choice."
…
Minutes later the group emerged from the alley, two nervous teens wheeling a slouched man in a huge floppy sun hat and dark sunglasses into the sunlit square. The noise of excited children and an abundance of people set both of their teeth on edge.
"We can do this, Haya-chan," Kiryu affirmed, elbowing him. "We've just got to find a map and get out of here. Easy peasy."
"You did forget one thing, Mitsuki-kun," Suo said, feeling a bit pale.
"What?"
"Our classmates."
Kiryu's grip on the wheelchair's handle tightened. "Oh no."
Sakura stood a few meters away, nibbling on the tail of a taiyaki as he scanned the crowd. He caught sight of Kiryu and Suo, jogging over to them, slowing down when he took in their strained expressions and their new third wheel. "Hey, uh, you guys okay?"
"Peachy. Never better," Kiryu supplied through a strained smile.
Sakura frowned, quirking his brow. "Who's this?"
"Someone who ne-" Suo started, but Kiryu cut him off.
"My uncle," Kiryu interjected. "This is my uncle." He patted the top of the sun hat.
"Your…uncle." Sakura didn't seem convinced. "I thought you hated your family."
"Nah, this is my fun uncle. My funcle. Funcle Kiryu."
"Funcle Kiryu…"
"Yeah, we ran into him totally by chance! Managed to ditch those annoying cousins, didn't we?" Kiryu poked his funcle's cheek. The man's jaw fell open slightly. "Don't mind him, he got really tired. All that sun, you know? He just needs a quick nap."
"Sure…" Sakura said, taking in the man's slack jaw apprehensively. "Uh, seems like you've got your own thing going with him, I'm gonna go find Nirei. Need anything before I go?"
"A map," Suo said, finally gathering his composure. "A map would be great."
Sakura dug in his pockets, pulling out a crumpled park brochure and handing it to a grateful Suo. "Have, uh, a good time with your uncle, Kiryu."
"My funcle," Kiryu corrected.
"Your funcle." Sakura blinked, turning away to go find Nirei. He shot one more perplexed look over his shoulder at them before he melded into the crowd.
"What the heck is a funcle, Mitsuki-kun?" Suo asked, flattening the haphazard creases Sakura had worn into the brochure.
"This guy, apparently." Kiryu pinched the sleeve of the body's red Hawaiian print shirt. At least it was a color that hid the blood well. "Look at him, he's ready for a beach party."
"He was ready for murder minutes ago," Suo said.
"A murder beach party."
"I never asked to be invited." Suo opened the brochure, studying the park map. "Look at this." He pointed to the dead center of the map. "We're here. Bad news, we're about as far away from an exit as you can probably get. Good news, there are lots of options." His finger traced several winding paths through the park. "Pick any direction and we can go from there."
Kiryu pointed west. "Let's go this way. Then we can get shaved ice."
Suo blinked. "At a time like this?"
"Gotta break the ice with my funcle somehow. Can't you see he needs to cool down?" Kiryu poked his funcle's face, moving the body's mouth into an exaggerated frown. "He definitely needs some blue Hawaii."
"You are way too into this."
"And you've got to commit. Get onboard the funcle train. Next stop, shaved ice!"
…
Suo pushed the funcle as Kiryu munched on some blue shaved ice. He stuck his stained tongue out at Suo, earning a small laugh from the taller boy. Suo marveled at how even at a time like this Kiryu excelled at unwinding his tension.
They stopped in the shade to readjust. Funcle Kiryu's body had started to slouch forward and was at risk of tumbling out of the wheelchair entirely, so Suo repositioned him to recline in the seat, folding his arms in front of him so he looked serene in his repose. He pushed the sunglasses back up his nose, tugging the floppy sun hat back down as a finishing touch. There, that should do it. He stepped back, confident in his work.
"Open wiiide~"
Suo turned, and to his horror Kiryu had a spoonful of shaved ice in his hand, making airplane noises as he maneuvered it forward between the body's loose lips. He pulled the spoon back out and some blue ice followed, falling onto the man's shirt. "Aw, that's gonna leave a stain."
"What do you think you're doing?" Suo hissed.
"He wanted some ice," Kiryu said, half pouting at Suo.
"He doesn't need ice, he needs a burial."
"Bury that bad mood, you're gonna get caught if you aren't having fun. An unhappy person at an amusement park sticks out like a sore thumb. At least pretend to enjoy yourself."
Suo took a deep, grounding breath. Maybe Kiryu had some sort of a point. If they looked too stressed and guilty someone would be bound to stop them. If they seemed like they were just having a good time, they'd blend in with the crowd and could have a speedier exit.
"You had better be right."
"You can trust us, Haya-chan." Kiryu stepped behind the funcle again, moving the body's mouth into a wide smile with his fingers. More melted blue ice dribbled down his chin.
…
Maybe this was going to be easier than Suo thought. Kiryu was right: when they looked like they were having fun, nobody paid the boys wheeling around a corpse any mind.
However, they were still at risk of running into their friends.
"Anzai and company, ten o'clock," Suo said. The quartet were hanging around a shooting gallery, hollering as they seemed to be aiming for the high score.
"Shoot," Kiryu said. "That's right in our path."
Suo looked around for any distraction before they could be seen. His eye locked on a booth off to the side and he had a terrible idea. Mitsuki-kun, I blame you for this. He reached out and tugged Kiryu's sleeve, pointing subtly to the booth. Kiryu's face lit up as he caught the thought.
"Haya-chan, you have a beautiful mind." Kiryu steered his funcle towards the booth, keeping the three of them under the shade trees to hopefully hide from Anzai's crew.
The face painter wasn't busy, sitting cross legged on her stool and scrolling her phone while waiting for someone to show interest. She raised her head as the three approached, taking the funcle's appearance in stride. "Looking to get painted today?" she asked, looking at the three of them in turn.
"My funcle here would like his face painted," Kiryu said, patting the body's shoulder, trying on a smile that was just a bit too strained. The sudden pressure of another person coming into their personal space made them both realize just how precarious their position was.
"Great! What would you like to get, sir?" She leaned in, inspecting his face. Suo suddenly felt like he was vibrating with nerves. Was this where it would all fall apart?
Kiryu cleared his throat. "Actually, it's your turn to pick what he gets this time, Haya-chan."
Suo barely held onto his smile, beaming telepathic threats towards his boyfriend. What do you think you're doing? Don't throw me under the bus! Kiryu merely smiled, smug in his deflection. Suo sighed, remembering Kiryu's suggestion to loosen up for the sake of the mission. His freedom was at stake, and if all that stood between him and victory was some face paint, he could get his act together. He turned towards the display board, putting a finger to his lips in thought. What was the most outlandish, garish design they had to offer? He scanned the options, but one was louder and more offensively chromatic than the rest. Suo pointed to the rainbow butterfly. "He'll like this one. Can we get it with extra glitter?"
The painter beamed. "Absolutely."
The wait was the worst part. The painter was enjoying herself, having fun with the request for extra glitter on top of an already loud and ridiculous piece. "Can I take your glasses off, sir?" She reached up to pluck the sunglasses from his face. Suo rose quickly, and Kiryu shot an arm out to hold him back.
"He's got to keep them on," Kiryu said quickly. "He, uh, has special eyes."
She nodded, unphased. "Got it. I'll still make you look great!"
Suo nervously scanned the area. Anzai and company had moved on from the shooting gallery and were now further away, trying to throw rings around floating rubber ducks. Mercifully they were angled away from Suo and Kiryu hiding under the tree next to the painter's booth. Their exit route would be clear by the time she finished if their group kept moving.
Kiryu's hand found Suo's, twining their fingers together. "It's gonna be fine," Kiryu said under his breath, leaning his head on Suo's shoulder. "You won't hurt yourself if you relax."
"Says the guy who didn't accidentally kill a man."
"Well, you're my partner in life so now I'm your partner in crime. If we're gonna do this, we're doing it together." Kiryu chuckled as he brushed away a flyaway lock of hair that had escaped his bobby pins. "You know, this is kind of nice."
"What part of this is nice?"
"Being more relaxed than you for once." Fondness crept into Kiryu's voice. "I like it when you can lean on me too."
Suo felt a fond smile of his own spread on his face. "I'll remember that."
"All done!" the painter called, wiping her hands on her apron. Suo and Kiryu walked over to inspect her artistry. "Your funcle, is that what you called him?" Kiryu nodded. "Your funcle was so great, I love when people sit still. He gets an extra gold star for being easy!" She peeled a large shiny gold star sticker off a sheet, You're A Star! written across it, and patted it on their funcle's chest. Pleased, she turned to them. "How do you think he looks?"
Suo shook, trying to keep his laughter contained. The extra glitter had been the perfect choice. She had enhanced the butterfly with multiple colors of glitter that highlighted the curve of his cheekbones, with larger star shaped sequins scattered across his face catching the sunlight. His slack jaw had fallen open again at some point but the mess of colors distracted from his lifeless slouch.
"Incredible choice, Haya-chan," Kiryu said, also trying to keep his composure. "You never miss." He handed the painter a wad of cash. "For your amazing art, thank you for making my funcle look so spectacular."
"My pleasure," she said, grinning. She looked much happier as she made her way back to her stool.
Kiryu elbowed Suo. "See? Even a dead body can brighten the right person's day."
Suo shut his eye in pain. "And now you've ruined it again."
…
They managed to make it past Anzai's group without being spotted, making good progress along the winding paths past the Ferris wheel and a roller coaster sporting a green dragon. The map said they were almost halfway out of the park.
"This is great," Kiryu beamed as Suo showed him their progress. "We can do this." He'd picked up a funnel cake along the way and was gesturing at the map with a piece, powdered sugar dusting the glossy paper. "We can take this fork to the right, we'd avoid the next big square and it seems like a quieter path." He offered the piece to Suo. "Want a bite?"
Suo eyed the fried, sugar-dusted treat with disgust. He didn't see the appeal of fairground foods at all, his stomach twisting in sympathy for Kiryu's constitution. "You know I'm on a diet."
"It's always the diet with you," Kiryu sighed. "No sense of culinary adventure." He looked down at the funcle. "I bet he's hungry."
"Don't you dare," Suo said, already regretting his life choices. That didn't stop Kiryu from once again piloting a piece of funnel cake into the funcle's mouth, smearing sugar on the edge of the man's lips, already stained a splotchy blue from the shaved ice earlier.
"Gotta look after our funcle, Haya-chan. Being our adult supervision is hungry work, we've got to return the favor."
Suo pressed his palm to his forehead. "You are unbelievable."
"I'm a perfectly believable gentleman," Kiryu preened.
"Has the gentleman noticed he has a bit too much adult supervision?"
Kiryu cocked his head, confused. "Huh?"
Suo sighed. "Don't look, but there's a security guard behind you who's been watching us for the past couple minutes." Kiryu's eyes widened. "I'm not sure what he's thinking, but he's definitely watching us."
"We gotta get out of here," Kiryu said, squatting down to talk to the funcle. "Are you good to go? Can you tell the nice security guard that there's nothing strange going on here?"
The funcle's mouth hung open.
"I don't think we can count on him," Suo said.
"Then we'll have to count on ourselves," Kiryu said, determination straightening his spine. Suo couldn't help thinking he looked cute like this.
Kiryu circled back around and took the handles of the funcle's chair. "Keep your eye on him," he said to Suo, bending down to rest his chin on the body's head as they turned towards the quiet path. "And no sudden moves from you."
The noise of the crowd dulled as they meandered onto a winding path lined with drooping shade trees, bright beds of tulips swirling in alternating colors on the path's edge. Several benches lined the walkway, taken up by families and couples escaping the sun.
"It would be sweet to come back here sometime," Kiryu said, looking at a giggling couple feeding each other ice cream. "You know, on a real date. No third wheels."
The funcle's arm slipped off the wheelchair's armrest. Suo repositioned it across his lap. "All due respect, I don't ever want to come back here."
"Why not? We could make better memories. Ride some coasters. Eat foods outside of a rigid diet."
"It's all a bit loud for me."
"What's your ideal date look like, then?"
"My ideal date is something more…quiet," Suo said, his voice getting soft. He turned away, hiding a soft blush that unexpectedly crept past his defenses. "Like having tea next to a pond. Walking through a garden together."
Kiryu's eyes lit up with stars. "Then that's what we'll do! When we get out of this mess, I'm taking you on an ideal date. It'll be our getting-out-of-funcle-jail celebration."
"Why must you remind me of the consequences."
"What's a secret mission without some risks?" Kiryu slowed down. "Wait. I've got something."
Suo turned back to look at Kiryu, whose attention was now glued to a large blue and white booth with silly faces plastered on the sides.
"No way."
"Yes way," his chaotic parter said, leaving no room for argument as he steered the funcle towards the photo booth. "We can hide out in there until the guard makes his rounds past us."
"Every moment of today is a new fresh hell."
Kiryu parted the blue curtain, peeking inside to find the booth unoccupied. He gave Suo a thumbs up. "This will be great, trust me."
Suo sighed. He ducked into the booth, squeezing into the far end. Kiryu maneuvered the wheelchair in through the entrance, putting the funcle between them. Kiryu poked his head between the curtains, quickly ducking back inside and drawing them closed. He turned to Suo, panic in his eyes, pale like he'd seen a ghost, holding the curtains shut like his life depended on it.
"What is it?" Suo asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
"Umemiya-san," Kiryu hissed. "And Tsubaki-san!"
Well, that's it, Suo thought. Their lives were officially over now. "And now we're stuck in here," he lamented.
Kiryu grew solemn. "We've got to commit. It's the only way." He pulled out his father's credit card again, brandishing it like it was the key to their salvation.
Suo sighed. It seemed there was no other choice.
Kiryu swiped the card. A loud jingle played through distorted speakers as the screen lit up with dancing animals and cute cartoon characters. He seemed to forget their predicament as he started scrolling through various filters. "Ooh, Haya-chan, let's be cats!" He selected the filter and stepped back as the tutorial played. "Wait, I know what we should do." He bent down next to the funcle, pulling the body's arm up and curling the hand into an approximation of a paw, bringing it next to his sagging mouth. He mirrored the pose, adopting his own paw pose and open-mouth smile towards the camera.
Suo stared. The camera flashed.
"Haya-chan! That's one already, c'mon!"
Suo sighed, a piece of his soul leaving his body. He bent down, positioning his side of the funcle to mirror Kiryu, giving the camera a defeated look as it flashed again.
"Aww, please smile for this one! You can do it!"
Suo mustered his strength, straining his mouth into what could be considered a smile as he weakly held up his other arm in a paw pose. The camera flashed a third time, a dancing line of tigers appearing on screen to celebrate the end of the session. Three photo strips rolled out into Kiryu's waiting hand.
"Why three?" Suo asked.
"He's got to have one to remember us by." Kiryu tucked a strip in the funcle's breast pocket, the top photo peeking out.
"He's…He's not going to remember anything."
"Not if we don't help remind him what good nephews we are."
"We?"
Kiryu was already swiping the card again, the jingle replaying. "There's another one I want to try."
"Another?" Why did his boyfriend want to make him suffer so much?
"Look, it's a shocked one! Let's hold his hands to his mouth and pretend to be scared." Kiryu moved the funcle's arm again, opening his hand and pressing it against his cheek, his mouth falling further open.
"I'm scared of how easy this is for you."
"You act like you haven't hid a body before, Haya-chan."
Suo's mouth fell open. The camera flashed.
"Yeah, just like that! Come move his hand, quick!"
In a daze, Suo complied, opening the funcle's hand and pressing it to his cheek, looking at his boyfriend in a new light as the camera flashed again.
"Look at the camera this time! We're so close!"
Suo turned his haunted gaze to the camera as it flashed for the final time. The dancing tigers felt like they were mocking his entire existence.
"What did you mean, Mitsuki-kun? Have you hidden a body before?"
Kiryu laughed as he looked at the newly printed strips. "Oh wow, these are so great. Definitely keeping these." He slipped another into the funcle's pocket, showing the other two to Suo. "You totally nailed the scared look." The three of them were superimposed on a background of The Scream painting, their faces distorted in exaggerated horror.
"Mitsuki-kun. What did you mean."
Kiryu giggled, bringing his hand to his mouth. "Maybe I like keeping some secrets~"
Suo was at a loss for words. Kiryu swiped the card again. Suo feared the annoying jingle would sneak its way into his nightmares.
"Let's see, what else is there…" Kiryu scrolled, humming to himself. Suo looked sideways at the funcle, briefly thinking about taking the body and running away from his potentially homicidal boyfriend. Kiryu was short, Suo could outpace him if he put his mind to it. He had a brief vision of running with the floppy funcle, tearing through the park with Kiryu and a squad of security hot on his heels. He shook his head, massaging his temple at the unhinged thought. When had everything taken such a ridiculous turn?
"I've got it!" Kiryu said triumphantly. "This will match the face paint you chose!" He selected a new filter, stepping behind the funcle. "C'mon, stand with me."
"What am I supposed to do this time?" Suo asked with dread as he stood with him.
"Hold my hand," Kiryu said, finding Suo's hand and twining their fingers together, holding their hands to his chest. He beamed up at Suo as if he hadn't been wildly out-of-pocket a minute ago. Suo's heart skipped a beat at Kiryu's earnest look of affection. The camera flashed.
"Some days you baffle me," Suo said softly as he looked into Kiryu's shining green eyes.
Kiryu leaned in. "I like surprises." He cupped Suo's cheek with his other hand, drawing him down for a quick kiss that took Suo by surprise as the camera flashed again.
The blush spread hot and fast across Suo's cheeks as Kiryu pulled away, marveling at how cute the taller boy looked when his careful composure was shaken. He committed this look to memory as the camera flashed for the final time.
The printer spit the strips to the ground, congratulatory jingle soundtracking the strange mix of shock, affection and surprise that overloaded Suo's mind. Kiryu squeezed his hand, giving him a cheeky grin as he let go to retrieve the strips. "Holy crap," he said, laughing in delight as he plucked them off the ground. "I am absolutely keeping these forever." He slipped a copy in the funcle's pocket again as he showed the strips to Suo. Kiryu had chosen a sparkly glitter theme, with silver butterflies hovering around the edges of the frame. Kiryu had perfectly timed their kiss, capturing Suo's surprise and blush in full color. Suo moved to take a strip, but Kiryu pulled it out of reach. "Nuh uh," he said, shaking his head. "Not until I'm convinced you won't destroy it to protect your unflappable image."
"Murder, hiding evidence and blackmail? Who even are you?"
Kiryu grinned. "Your partner in crime, obviously." He slowly poked his head between the booth's curtains, then ducked back inside in relief. "Coast is clear. No sign of the guard or our fearless leaders." He turned to look at the funcle, moving the body's chin to close the open mouth. "Look as alive as you can," he said.
Suo grasped the wheelchair's handles. "I should run you over here and now."
"I'm wounded," Kiryu pouted. "You're so eager to up your body count after all this hard work?"
"Says the guy who's supposedly hidden bodies before. I'd be doing the world a favor if I took you off the streets."
Kiryu laughed as he parted the curtains.
"Hides bodies and laughs about it." Suo rolled the funcle out, blinking at the bright sunlight.
Kiryu smugly turned to him. "Good to know I can fool you too."
Suo gaped. Kiryu had just managed to do what everyone thought to be impossible: deceive the master of deception. "I'm ruined," he sighed dramatically, resigning himself to pushing the funcle as Kiryu took the lead, humming in victory.
…
"We're getting close." Kiryu pointed to the straight path to the west gate. It was a straight shot now, under a mile left, but the crowds were thicker the closer they got to the exit. They hadn't seen any familiar faces since they had ducked into the photo booth. Suo hoped that their fragile luck would hold until the finish line.
"We've made it this far, we'll absolutely make it to the exit." Kiryu held up a confident fist. "We've got to believe things will work out."
A loud boom of laughter rang out, carrying over the milling crowd. Kiryu's smile disappeared.
"Umemiya-san," they said in unison, dripping with dread. They desperately looked for a place to hide.
Suo steered them on instinct to their right, seeing a short line for a ride that looked to be moving quickly. "Come on, looks like they're boarding."
Kiryu helped him push, weaving the chair through the metal guardrails like he was threading a needle. "Better than waiting for him to blow our cover."
They caught up to the end of the line, falling in with the rest of the crowd as they entered what looked to be a narrow mineshaft. Suo looked behind them and saw Umemiya and Tsubaki hanging on each other as they laughed, oblivious to Suo and Kiryu hiding inside the attraction. They strolled out of sight and Suo released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.
"That was too close."
"Why did they even come this way?" Kiryu whined. "They'd want to introduce our funcle to the whole school if they knew. Tsubaki-san would paint his nails and give him a makeover."
"Well, they're gone now. We can make a our way back."
"But Haya-chan, we're already in line. We're committed now." He pointed up at the green light blinking above them. "We're in the current boarding group."
Suo grimaced. "We don't have to commit every time."
"Committing got us this far. It's just a roller coaster, it's not that serious."
Suo's eye widened. "A what."
"A roller coaster. It'll be fine." Kiryu scooted them forward with the rest of the line.
Suo didn't follow. "No way."
Behind them, a large stone slid into place over the shaft's entrance, sealing off the exit. "Oh no, miners!" a voice called over the speakers. "Looks like our tunnel is blocked! We're going to have to take the Rickety Risky Track to get back home!"
"Well, the tunnel is blocked, the only way out is through." Kiryu shrugged as he wheeled the funcle towards the coaster's boarding zone, lining up with the last mine cart. "Look, it's even got three seats, we can all fit." He turned to look at Suo and found him still standing in place, eye glued to the coaster. He'd never seen such dread on his boyfriend's face before, out of place on someone so cocky and nonchalant. He backtracked next to him. "Hey, Haya-chan, what's wrong?"
"I don't like coasters." His timid tone sent a sympathy pang through Kiryu's chest.
Kiryu grasped his hand, holding it to his chest. "Look at me." Suo tore his eye away from the coaster, focusing nervously on Kiryu. "I'm right here with you. You're not alone."
"Now boarding! Next stop, Graveyard Gulch!"
"They said graveyard," Suo said, nearly pleading.
"It's basically where we're heading anyways, right?" Kiryu gestured to their funcle. "It'll just be a little detour. You can close your eye when it gets to be too much.''
"I hate this."
"We've made it this far, we can survive the next few minutes." Kiryu squeezed his hand.
An attendant walked up to them with a small wave. "I see your friend has a wheelchair, I can help you get them onto the ride and store it for you."
"Thanks," Kiryu said, waving with his free hand. "That would be great."
"Can I take their hat too?"
"Eh…" Kiryu balked. "He's pretty attached to it, he can hold onto it."
"If you're sure," the attendant said with some concern. "It could fly off on the drops."
"The drops…" Suo breathed in horror.
"We can handle it," Kiryu decided, squeezing Suo's hand again in support before letting go. "Let's get him in the center." He wheeled the funcle over to the cart, and with the help of the attendant lifted the body into the middle seat, buckling him in with the shoulder cross-straps. Kiryu moved the funcle into position, tucking his arms into the seat and pulling the sun hat tighter onto his head. He turned to Suo and gave a wide smile and a thumbs up.
Suo stared in disbelief. Everything really did just keep getting worse. Maybe this was some sort of divine punishment for taking things too far with his assailant. He walked slowly to the cart, seating himself and feeling a wave of dread course through him.
Kiryu reached across the funcle's lap to pat Suo's thigh. "We're right here with you," he said. "You can hold my hand." He looked between them at the funcle. "Or his too. He won't mind."
"Let's just get this over with," Suo said as he buckled himself in, refusing to let his fingers shake. Kiryu followed suit, the clasps snapping shut with a loud ping.
The attendant stepped in front of them, lowering the leg bar across all three of them, clicking it snugly into place. "You have nothing to worry about," they said to Suo. "Everyone makes it back alive…usually." They stepped back over the yellow line with a cheeky wave.
"Usually?" The ride started to slowly click forward.
"All aboard for Graveyard Gulch, miners! Hold onto your hard hats, this will be a bumpy ride!" Kiryu's hand darted up to hold the funcle's hat on instinct.
All at once the ride leapt forward and dove into a dark tunnel, pushing them back into their seats. Suo's teeth clattered as the ride tilted, swerving in complete darkness to the left then to the right before a circle of daylight grew and shot them out into the sunlight. He wished he had taken Kiryu's advice to keep his eye shut as a massive ramp shot up in front of them, guiding them into the sky. Gravity pressed them back into their seats as they climbed nearly vertical, slowing down the closer they got to the top with each excruciating click of the track.
Kiryu laughed, actually laughed as he looked out over the park. "You can see everything from up here!" he said. Suo would rather do anything else than be reminded he was being held up by nothing more than welded metal and good intentions.
They inched closer to the top, the delight and nerves of the other riders in front of them washing over them. "You ready?" Kiryu asked, words blowing away in the brisk wind. The funcle's sun hat flapped wildly around his face.
"No," Suo said, right as the coaster leapt forward and barreled them over the edge of the drop, turning his statement into an extended scream. He crushed the leg bar's grip like it was the only thing tethering him to life. The ground rushed up to meet them as Kiryu held the funcle's hat, yelling in excitement.
At the last moment before oblivion the coaster peeled away, rotating along a canyon wall at the last second, turning them upside down before righting them again as they shot up into another dark tunnel, broken bits of light peeking through at irregular intervals before they were once again shot out into the daylight.
In that moment Suo wished he was fully blind.
Ahead of them was a gigantic loop, a full 360, followed by two smaller tilted loops. "NO," he shouted to no avail as the cart raced forward, dipping down before shooting up again in a steep curve that hurt to think about. As they defied gravity, the wind dragged the funcle's arms up over his head until they flopped above them, making it seem like he was enjoying the ride the most out of the three of them. Kiryu laughed madly as he took in the funcle's apparent enthusiasm. Suo couldn't begin to comprehend how he was supposed to feel about something so insane.
The world righted itself, the coaster rocketing into the next set of loops without hesitation. The funcle's arms fell back down only to rise again, slapping Suo in the jaw and chest. He shouted in surprise, instinctively trying to back away but the harness held him firmly in place. The arms flopped over him through the loop until the coaster flipped the other way on the next loop, giving Kiryu the same treatment. Suo thought he heard Kiryu squawk over the rush of blood in his ears.
The coaster righted itself, then twisted them until they hung upside down again, the funcle's arms rising above them until the track snapped them back upright along a curve and slammed his arms back into Suo's chest. Kiryu yelled something Suo couldn't make out before they were plunged back into darkness. Suo disengaged from his grip on the bar, pushing the funcle's arms off him. They careened over a series of small hills before plunging into darkness once again. The coaster slowed, the tunnel filling with light from yellow lanterns strung along rough hewn stone.
"Whew, we made it!" the announcer said as the coaster pulled back into the loading bay. "Glad everyone made it back through Graveyard Gulch alive this time!"
"I'm going to be sick," Suo wheezed, already searching for the nearest trash can as he fumbled with his buckle.
Kiryu positioned the funcle's arms so his hands were in his lap. "His hat didn't fly off, that's a plus."
"There's no plus side to this," Suo said.
"Did y'all enjoy the ride?" The same attendant wheeled the chair next to their cart.
"No," Suo said as Kiryu said "Yeah!"
"Unforgettable," Kiryu said as the lap bar disengaged. He stood and with the attendant moved the funcle back into his seat. Suo's world spun as he slowly stood, bracing himself on the seat back, moving one foot at a time until he was back on solid ground. Kiryu extended a hand to him and he took it firmly, leaning his weight on him.
"Didn't realize you hated coasters this much, Haya-chan," Kiryu said, concerned.
"I get motion sickness," Suo admitted. He felt like his body was full of sloshing water, ready to spill out at the slightest bump.
"Let's find a place to sit," Kiryu said, guiding them down the exit ramp. An empty bench waited at the bottom of the ramp, Kiryu claiming it and easing Suo onto it. "I'll go find some water." He turned the funcle's head towards the rest of the park like a sentry. "Keep watch while I'm gone."
Suo didn't have the energy to fight him. He closed his eye and rested his head in his hands, slowing his breathing to control the pounding in his temple. The darkness was comforting, a barrier between him and the utter insanity that had derailed his afternoon. He still felt like he'd throw up if the breeze blew a bit too strongly.
It was an eternity until the bench creaked beside him and he felt a light tap on his shoulder. "With ice," Kiryu said, bumping the cold cup against the back of his hand. Suo reached blindly for it and his boyfriend moved it into his grip. Suo drank slowly, feeling the cold rush through him as he pressed the cup to his sweating forehead.
"I'm sorry," Kiryu said. "I should have listened to you."
"You didn't know," Suo said slowly, making sure the contents of his stomach wouldn't tumble out with his words. "I haven't told anyone. Before you."
"Why?"
"Never was a reason to."
"You're not weak, you know."
Suo blinked, the sun stabbing into his eye as he squinted at Kiryu. Kiryu was relaxed, looking off into the distance as he pinched bobby pins at the corner of his mouth, fixing hair that had escaped containment during the ride. "I figured that's what you'd be thinking," he said, fixing the band of his half ponytail. "You're always so put together, of course you wouldn't want people to see you when you don't have control." He pulled the pins from his mouth, carefully collecting his flyaway hair away from his face as he turned to face Suo, an earnest apology in his green eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you didn't want to go on the ride. I don't want to force you to do things you don't like."
Suo looked back down at the ground as he took another careful sip, bracing his arms on his knees. "Thanks."
Kiryu paused. "You matter a lot to me, you know."
Suo turned back to look at him. Was that a faint blush on Kiryu's cheeks?
Kiryu looked intently into his own cup. "I know this day has been crazy, but I just want you to know I'd do anything for you. I guess this is how I'm trying to show it."
"I see," Suo said, looking into his own cup, watching the ripples on the water's surface. A small smile crept across his face. "You matter a lot to me too."
"Oh yeah," Kiryu said, turning to dig in his pocket. "I've got a surprise for you."
Suo cocked his head. Kiryu triumphantly smiled as he pulled out three photos, extending one to Suo as he slipped another into the funcle's breast pocket. To Suo's horror it was a snapshot of the moment the funcle's arms had been flapping wildly above them as they'd been upside down on the big loop. Kiryu's expression was frozen in manic glee while Suo's hair was hanging in the wrong direction and his face was overcome with horror.
"I'm keeping it forever," Kiryu said.
"I don't know why I put up with you."
…
After Suo felt well enough to walk, the trio continued their journey toward the west gate. Kiryu hung closer to Suo, perhaps to offer him a shoulder to lean on. Suo certainly didn't mind.
"Almost there. Aren't you happy the plan worked?" Kiryu seemed quite proud of himself.
"Saying stuff like that could jinx the entire plan," Suo said.
"Have some faith in us." Kiryu patted the funcle's shoulder. "We made it this far, we'll definitely make it out."
Suo's hand shot out to grip Kiryu's forearm. "Tsugeura-kun," he hissed, tugging Kiryu's arm to their left. Sure enough, the boisterous redhead was wielding a hammer, making practice swings as he readied for a test of strength. "This is why you don't say stuff like that!"
"Why is he even here?" Kiryu asked, dumbfounded. "He barely made it into the park from where we started."
A victory bell dinged. "Yeah, another one!" Tsugeura's voice boomed. He set the large hammer down, brushing his hands off as he looked at his high score.
"Probably saw the tests of strength and stayed there ever since." Suo turned the funcle in the opposite direction, straining as he pushed them briskly forward without breaking into a run. "Of all the people we could run into, why did it have to be him."
"Oh hey, Suo-kun! Kiryu-kun! Is that you?"
Kiryu didn't look back, breaking into a panicked run, desperately pushing the funcle through the thick crowd. Suo sprinted after him, head still pounding. You don't flee in front of a predator! he thought, cursing their rotten luck.
"Hey, wait up!"
The funcle's head lolled back, dead eyes behind the sunglasses fixing Suo with what he imagined was an accusatory glare. Suo frowned, pushing the funcle's head back until it hung forward, bouncing with each bump in the pavement.
"So close," Kiryu panicked. "There's gotta be something."
Suo spotted a large structure, painted jet black and stylized like a gothic mansion. Of course. "In there," he pointed. "He wouldn't follow us in there."
"Please tell me you don't hate haunted houses," Kiryu said.
"I hate being caught with a body much more."
"Guess we gotta commit," Kiryu said. Suo was going to make sure he never said that phrase ever again after this was all said and done.
Canned spooky music piped through tinny speakers the closer they got to the house, fabric bats dangling from bouncing poles giving it a half-assed appearance. "Do people really get scared from this?" Suo asked.
"Man, this is cheesy, even for me," Kiryu said, taking in the copious thick spiderwebs clinging to every corner.
"The Lord of Cheese thinks this is too much?"
"Lord of Cheese? It's Cheese-sama to you, thank you very much." Kiryu guided them towards the entrance, an archway stylized to look like an open mouth, fangs dripping with bright red blood.
"Kiryu-kun! Suo-kun!"
Suo grimaced, adopting a strained smile as he turned to see Tsugeura behind them, standing behind the perimeter of the attraction's line like a jovial vampire who hadn't been invited to cross the barrier. He looked excited to see them, but his eyes darted apprehensively around the house's exterior. "Oh, Tsugeura-kun! Didn't notice you there."
A canned wailing scream sounded from the upper floor. "Are you going in there?" Tsugeura worried.
"Yeah, sorry! We'll see you later, Tsuge-kun!" Kiryu said, laughing nervously.
"Okay," Tsugeura said, seeming to notice their third wheel for the first time. "Who's your friend?"
"My funcle," Kiryu said. "Long story. Gotta run!" He pushed the chair through the archway, swallowed by the darkness. Suo smiled and waved to Tsugeura, ducking in after him.
The noises of the park fell away, replaced by the sound of a thunderstorm. Light flashed every few seconds in a cheap approximation of lightning. Candelabras lined the halls of what looked to be a castle with stone walls.
"Can't even keep to the theme," Suo tutted, hands at rest behind his back as he inspected the cheap facade.
"Such a harsh critic," Kiryu said. He bent down to the funcle's ear. "Don't listen to him, he's allergic to fun. Has to carry an EpiPen in case he laughs too hard."
A loud peal of thunder crashed, the lights flashing brightly. "Velcome to my lair, puny humans!" an exaggerated voice declared over the speakers. "Vere ist no escape vor you now! I am coming vor you…"
"Let them try," Suo said, a hint of his usual cockiness returning.
"Let's not have a repeat of earlier," Kiryu said.
Suo grimaced. "Trust me, I don't want another funcle on our hands."
"Or we could have a family reunion. Add a lot of cousins to the mix. It's your call."
"There are already enough Kiryus in this world to give me problems for the rest of my life."
"The rest of your life?" Kiryu beamed. "You mean it?"
"Hm?" Suo turned to him, confused, when a hidden panel slid open and a woman in white makeup grabbed his forearm with fingers tipped with long black nails. On instinct he twisted, pulling her out of the wall and flipping her over his foot, automatically adopting a defensive pose. "Oh, sorry," he said, offering his hand to the performer. She weakly waved him off, opting to crawl back into the wall on her own without a word, the panel clicking shut behind her.
"Didn't know you busted ghosts, too." Kiryu wheeled the funcle up as Suo ran his hand along the wall, searching for more hidden panels as they approached the end of the hall. "I should really give you a new nickname, Haya-chan. How does The Exorcist sound? Ooh, how about Undertaker?"
"I'll put you in the ground for real if you ever call me that."
A loud crash up ahead made them stop in their tracks. "Haya-chan, I think that was to the left," Kiryu whispered. He let go of the funcle's chair and wound his arms around Suo's waist from behind.
Suo stiffened on reflex, relaxing into Kiryu's hold when he realized it was just his boyfriend. His free hand moved to squeeze Kiryu's. "I've got you." Was Kiryu actually nervous?
"Can you check it out? I, uh… don't want to see."
"I'll take care of it." I don't want to force you to do things you don't like either. He inched them forward, Kiryu's hold keeping him from going too quickly. When they reached the corner he leaned forward, but Kiryu pulled him back from sticking his whole head out.
"Not so much! Don't want them to see us!" He squeezed Suo's waist. "What can you see from where you're at?"
"Darkness."
"What?"
"Mitsuki-kun, my eyepatch."
Kiryu must have forgotten his leading side was blind. His arms shook, then a laugh burst out of him as he held Suo close, laughing into his shoulder blades.
A smile crept up Suo's face. This profoundly unserious version of Mitsuki, separated from the weight of his burdens, was a delight to behold: quick to laughter, easygoing, full of mirth and mischief. He hoped he could see this version more often, albeit with less hiding of bodies. He meshed his fingers around Kiryu's hold, pulling him closer. "You're ridiculous," he said fondly.
Kiryu managed to catch his breath. "And you still haven't checked to see if we're about to die."
Suo leaned into the corridor. To their left the coast seemed clear, aside from harsh strobing lights that flashed intermittently through cracked ceiling tiles, the way obscured by a haze of fog. The right looked about the same without fog, curving to the left and obscuring the path. "Both seem equally fine," he said. "Do you have a preference on dying in the fog or in some unknown manner?"
Kiryu unwound from Suo's waist, fingers lingering on Suo's hand for a moment before going back to retrieve the funcle. "Fog sounds interesting. If we're gonna go then let's be dramatic about it."
They turned to the left, fog swirling around their heels. It poured from the ceiling, obscuring the path and making it harder to see each other even in close proximity. The strobing light in particular made Suo's head pound. He reached out to anchor himself against the wall, other hand massaging his temple. He paused, taking several deep breaths, fighting the edge of nausea the irregular flashes were determined to beat into him. At this rate it might be easier to let Kiryu take the lead and guide them out while his eye took a break.
A low groan cut through the fog.
"Haya-chan?" Kiryu's concerned voice sounded far away.
He opened his eye. His boyfriend and the funcle were nowhere in sight. "Mitsuki-kun, I'm over here," he called. "Where are you?"
Only the hum of the fog machine answered him.
"Mitsuki-kun?"
Behind him a chainsaw revved up. He flipped around to find a towering brute in overalls and a hockey mask swinging a chainsaw towards him. Geez, pick a theme and stick to it. Suo leapt back, stumbling on the uneven flooring. He steadied himself, palms out, ready to fight. The masked man revved up the chainsaw again, walking ominously towards him. He flashed back to the ghost woman from earlier and felt a pang of remorse. This wasn't really someone out to hurt him—he'd be making their job harder if he gave into his training instead of running like he was supposed to.
"Catch you later." He gave the killer a cheeky wave and bolted down the corridor towards where he thought he'd heard Kiryu's voice. The sound of the chainsaw followed him then faded out into foggy silence. "Mitsuki-kun?" he called.
"Haya-chan!" Footsteps raced towards him, his boyfriend leaping out of the fog and into his arms…without their third wheeling dead weight. "Haya-chan," Kiryu whined, "I don't know what happened, but-"
"Where's the funcle?" Suo asked, the horror of the situation setting in.
"I don't know," Kiryu panicked. "One minute he was with me then the next he's gone. Someone must have taken him. If they find out-"
"We won't let that happen," Suo assured him, squeezing his shoulders. "It's probably a prank. They must've wheeled him off somewhere for us to find. We'll get him back."
Another long, low groan sounded from the fog up ahead. Both boys turned to look at each other, apprehension and dread sparking between them.
"Don't you dare say we have to commit," Suo said.
Kiryu pouted. "What if I was gonna say how much I love my strong, independent boyfriend?"
Suo huffed, turning to hide his affection. "That's not it and you know it." He started walking down the hall towards the noises, but Kiryu tugged his sleeve.
"Can I…hold your hand?" Kiryu asked bashfully.
Suo's brows raised. "Yeah, are you nervous?"
Kiryu smiled as he twined their fingers together. "I just think it's the perfect opportunity to hold my boyfriend's hand, don't you?" He swung their arms as he tugged them forward. Suo swore he had a spring in his step. "Spooky scary haunted house, all sorts of creeps after us, a murder mystery? Of course I want you by my side."
So easygoing, even at a time like this. Suo smiled secretly to himself.
The fog thinned as they reached the end of the hall to find the path turned right, into another gothic section with black wooden walls and dim sconces spaced too far apart to see clearly. The designer must have been crazier than Mitsuki-kun, Suo thought.
Kiryu squeezed Suo's hand. "Look! He's there!"
Sure enough, the funcle and his chair were in the middle of the hall several meters away, facing away from them and towards a set of three black doors. Suo sighed in relief at the sight as they hurried forward. "Some cast member must have thought that'd be funny."
"He found the exit for us, that's good at least." Kiryu let go of Suo's hand as they caught up to the funcle, crouching in front of him to check for damage. "Looks as good as ever." He sprang up, motioning Suo towards the doors. "Let's figure this out so we can get the heck outta here."
Suo moved past the funcle, sidling up next to Kiryu as they pondered the three doors. They were numbered 7, 18, and 5 from right to left. Kiryu scrunched his nose. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What if we just choose one at random?" Suo suggested. "I didn't see any numbers on our way here. Maybe they don't mean anything. The designers didn't seem to have any clear vision when they made this place, this might just be a ruse."
A loud groan from behind interrupted their train of thought. Both slowly turned to find the hall empty aside from the funcle. "Must just be the sound system," Kiryu said, turning back to the doors. "What a weird place."
Suo turned back, putting a finger to his chin. "The higher the number the quicker the exit, maybe?"
"Wouldn't it be a lower number? Less distractions, quicker exit?"
"What if it's the number in the middle? 7 is lucky, after all."
"I guess 5 is one away from 4, so let's not do that one."
"You just said the lowest may be the quickest, though."
"But you don't want the number of death, do you?"
A large hand grasped each of their shoulders, the source of the loud groaning now directly in their ears. "Kill…you…"
The boys turned to find themselves face to face with the funcle, very much not dead, his glittery face screwed into an expression of loathing. They shrieked in unison, Kiryu punching him in the face and Suo hitting his chest on reflex, the man dropping like a load of bricks to the floor. Kiryu grabbed Suo's hand and dragged them through the nearest door, not daring to look back as they both ran down a hallway filled with canned thunder and lightning. Suo had no time to process the monumental revelation before a vampire was popping out of the wall, hands outstretched to grab him. He ducked under them and kept running, Kiryu by his side.
"Not dead! Not dead!" Kiryu babbled hysterically. A trapdoor opened in the floor ahead of them, a zombie starting to crawl out slowly. Neither hesitated, both leaping over the walking corpse, nowhere near as scary as the thought of the not-dead zombie funcle in pursuit of them.
"Keep running!" Suo yelled, adrenaline coursing through him.
They burst into a circular throne room, the crashes of thunder and lighting at their peak. A tall vampire in a cheesy cape stood in the center, throwing his arms wide in welcome. "Puny humans," his filtered voice boomed, ready to launch into a monologue. Kiryu and Suo kept running right past him, pushing through the exit door on the wall behind the throne. All they heard was a distorted "Huh?" as they stumbled into a brightly lit gift shop, the door swinging shut behind them.
Kiryu leaned on the nearest shirt rack, gripping the rod for dear life. "Not dead. He wasn't dead, Haya-chan."
Suo had gone pale, hands pressed to his temple. The shock of the funcle's resurrection and the drastic lighting shift put him wildly off-balance. "What…what are we going to do," he managed. "What are we supposed to do?"
"Run," Kiryu said. "I think we run." Suo started looking for an exit but Kiryu waved him off, pointing to the checkout counter. "In a sec. I've gotta do something."
"Please, no more pictures," Suo protested.
"It's the last time, promise." Kiryu took a deep breath and walked over to the counter like they hadn't just stared a zombie in the face and punched it back to the underworld. Suo sighed, spotting the exit and the bright sunlight of the outside world. He dragged himself out, parking himself on a nearby bench, closing his eye and allowing himself a moment of peace.
"Yo, glad you made it out, bro!"
His momentary relief blew away on the breeze. He cracked his eye to see cheery Tsugeura beaming in excitement in front of him. "How scary was it? Were there ghosts?"
Suo sagged into the bench. "You could say that."
"Wow, so chill, even after going through that! Keeping cool is one of your virtues, huh? Oh hey, Kiryu-kun!"
Kiryu strolled out of the shop, triumphantly waving two glossy pictures in his hand. "Hey Tsuge-chan! You're not gonna believe this," he grinned at Suo. "They got the moment my funcle snuck up on us."
"Please burn those forever," Suo said as Tsugeura plucked one from Kiryu's grasp. He burst out laughing.
"Whoa, I didn't know you two got scared like that! I guess we're not so different, huh."
Suo stood and snatched the photo from Tsugeura's hands, staring him down with a menacing smile as he ripped it, letting the pieces fall to the ground. "Don't breathe a word to anyone," Suo threatened. Tsugeura nodded, wide-eyed. Kiryu pouted, pocketing the other picture before Suo could erase all the evidence.
"Where's your funcle?" Tsugeura asked. "Is he still with you?"
Kiryu and Suo shared a look. "He's gonna do his own thing now," Kiryu said, turning back to Tsugeura. "Let's get out of here. I think we're done for the day."
"Aw, you sure? We still have a half hour before we leave, we could do some tests of strength!"
"Some other time."
The three boys headed towards the western square. Tsugeura led the way, excitedly describing his various feats of strength and how his personal training regimen helped him succeed. Kiryu's hand found Suo's, pulling him closer with a soft squeeze. Some of the glitter from when he punched the funcle's face rubbed off onto Suo's hand.
"You said something sweet back there," Kiryu murmured.
"Hm?"
"About Kiryus giving you problems for the rest of your life."
"If today was a trial run…" Suo sighed. "You thought it was sweet?"
"Yeah." Kiryu smiled softly. "Do you still want the Kiryu chaos, even after everything?"
Suo put a finger to his lips, playfully considering. In truth he already had his answer. "I suppose you keep things interesting. Just no more surprise family members, okay?" He squeezed Kiryu's hand. "And no more funcles."
Kiryu giggled. "No promises."
…
Months later, their class 1 friends were over to have cakes that Akari had generously treated them to, complimented with tea provided by Suo. Kiryu snuck a peek at his corkboard, now filling up with various memories of his time with Furin and his boyfriend. The photo strips and glossy snapshots from the funcle adventure were displayed in the top right corner, stapled so Suo wouldn't rip them off when Kiryu wasn't looking. ("I made copies, Haya-chan. Resistance is futile.") A fond smile crept onto his face as he remembered Suo's commitment.
Tsugeura followed Kiryu's gaze and pointed to the corner of Kiryu's corkboard. "Isn't your funcle one of your cool family members? Are you ever gonna bring him around again?"
Kiryu looked like a deer in the headlights. Suo looked like he was about to faint.
"He's out of the country now," Kiryu said, quickly putting on a frown. "Back to the States, I'm afraid. Maybe someday he'll grace us with his presence again."
"If he does, I want to meet him!" Nirei said excitedly. "I missed all the fun at the park."
"You all will be the first to know," Kiryu nodded. He felt Suo's eye on him. When everyone's focus moved on, he threw his boyfriend a private wink.
No more, Suo mouthed across the table.
No promises, Kiryu smirked.