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Christmas had been Hell. Probably one of the worst ones he’d had. Then, New Years Eve was a bust as well. Steve Harrington was out of town with his parents, having the best time of their lives, while Eddie was a miserable person. He blasted the same album over and over again because it itched the scratch of what he felt inside. It didn’t matter that he had to keep flipping the tape over and over again…it was worth it.
The food he’d bought and made sustained them for an entire week of meals, Wayne knew something was up, but he didn’t comment. His uncle just let Eddie stew and deal. Eddie knew that if he got bad enough, Wayne would do something then, but, for now, radio silence.
Watching the ball drop on the television was lackluster because it meant another year in Hawkins. Another year where Eddie was a senior, but he hoped that he’d graduate the end of May. Steve would graduate alongside him too. Fuck, he was thinking about Steve again. How could he not? The guy had only been his life since Halloween and Thanksgiving. Nigh inseparable, until Eddie just became someone from school that Steve was doing a nonexistent project with.
It was Sunday night, January 6th, 1985, and school started back up tomorrow…Eddie had no clue what was going to happen. Was Steve even back yet? Why hadn’t Steve come over to try and beg on his fucking knees? Why hadn’t Eddie gone and checked out Steve’s house? Honestly, he knew why. He’d been worried the neighbors would call the cops on him for loitering around and stalking Steve’s place. Not to mention, he was scared that he might actually see Steve or Steve’s mom again…or worse…Steve’s dad.
He was a wreck. He didn’t sleep all night and just blasted his music in his headphones, fidgeting the entire time. When his alarm went off, he got out of bed, got ready for school, grabbed his Walkman for later, and got to school early. Eddie made a face at that. He should’ve been fashionably late or some shit. Could’ve taken more time to get ready and eat, but now he was early and had to wait longer than he wanted to get into class. So, he sat in the glorious heat of his van, lit up a cigarette, and listened—
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie coughed out his puff of smoke he had in his lungs.
Steve Harrington was outside of his van, having just banged the palm of his hand against the metal, and staring at Eddie through the closed passenger side window.
“Let me in,” Steve mouthed, his words unable to be heard through Eddie’s music.
Eddie licked his lips, blinked rapidly, and turned his head with his hand going by his ear. He shrugged, then motioned to his ears as he mouthed back that he couldn’t hear Steve. Eddie took another drag of his cigarette and tilted his head, giving Steve a hard look.
He watched Steve try the door handle over and over again, like a child that thought if they did it enough it’d magically unlock and open. Eddie normally never locked his doors, but he’d done so today. Huh, good on him for his brain thinking of it in autopilot getting him to school earlier than normal.
“I want to talk,” Steve mouthed, but his voice was louder now and able to cut through more.
Impressive.
Eddie noticed that there were people watching them again. What sort of rumors would come from them, this time?
“No,” Eddie replied, turning up the music and focusing on his cigarette.
It was obvious that Steve was feeling cold. It was winter in Indiana, there was frost and snow on the ground, and, not to mention, black ice. When Steve went to try another door, one moment Steve was there and the next there was a faint yell and nothing. Eddie leaned over to do his best and look in the side mirror to see what happened. Seeing movement, which meant that Steve was still alive, Eddie sighed, shut his van off, and hopped out with his backpack.
He placed the butt on the ground, squishing it out with the bottom of his boot, and walked around the front a bit until he saw Steve grunting to stand up on the other side. Steve rubbed his ass and met Eddie’s eyes.
“Eddie…” Steve began.
Not staying to find out what Steve had to say, Eddie went into the school. It was mildly satisfying to see Steve struggle throughout the day, but it was also torture. Eddie wanted it to be like it was…before he’d gone over to Steve’s house three days before Christmas. He wanted his friend back. He wanted to kiss Steve stupid and tell him that he fucked up, making Steve whimper underneath him, while, no doubt, Eddie made himself whimper because he was weak for Steve Harrington.
He resolved to not give into that weakness, though. Eddie didn’t have an answer for himself as to what he needed from Steve, so as not to hurt anymore. Yeah, he should probably talk to Steve and work it out, but a part of him worried that Steve would just make an excuse and throw it under the rug. He was also worried that Steve would make it seem like Eddie was overreacting, rather than apologizing for reducing what they had to as just ‘someone from school’.
When lunch came around, he decided that he’d buy hot lunch today. Eddie got in line, took up a tray, picked his desired selections, then went to pay for his meal, only for Steve to cut in front of him to hand the lunch lady at the register some cash. Eddie glared at the back of Steve’s head, clutching the edges of his tray so hard that his rings hurt his fingers. He tried to move away and around Steve, once his food was paid for—mildly tainted, now—but Steve refused to let Eddie pass.
“Steve. Stop,” Eddie said, his voice low enough for only Steve to hear because he didn’t want to cause a scene.
“No. I said that I wanted to talk,” Steve replied.
“And I said no.” He tried to go around Steve again, only to scrunch up his face and lightly shake his tray at Steve being persistent in blocking him. “Let me go to my table and eat, damn it,” Eddie hissed through his teeth.
Steve shook his head, hands on his hips in defiance.
Eddie narrowed his eyes and searched Steve’s determined stare before he got an idea.
“I dare you to move,” Eddie spat angrily.
The words jarred Steve, almost as if Eddie had slapped him, and Eddie took the opportunity to nudge past Steve, who finally side-stepped out of Eddie’s way. He went to his table and sat at the head of it, clanking his tray down without much care. He was annoyed. He wanted to cry because…While he could forgive Steve, he wanted to know why Steve never even attempted to call Eddie in that entire time that Steve had been away. Not even a voicemail. There was no reaching out to explain or apologize or call for the sake of calling. It really made Eddie feel like he didn’t mean anything to Steve.
“Um…Eddie?” Frank said, breaking Eddie’s internal drama by poking the top of Eddie’s hand.
“Hm?” Eddie hummed, looking up from his tray on the table to find Frank pointing at a table across from them…like…directly across, with a perfect view for Eddie to stare directly at Steve standing on top of it.
Okay…that got Eddie’s attention.
The cafeteria quieted down from mass blubbering to a cleared throat and a brief cough. They were all shocked because no one got up on the cafeteria tables. Only Eddie Munson did that. For Eddie, they kept going about their meal and talking, rolling their eyes at his speeches, but for Steve…the former King of Hawkins High, they stilled themselves and listened. Steve Harrington commanded a fucking room. Eddie couldn’t say that he wasn’t impressed or in awe as he was also hanging onto the silence in anticipation for what Steve had to announce. It was obvious that Steve had been waiting for Eddie to look at him before talking too.
“You dared me to move, so…I’m moving,” Steve said, his arms lifted to gesture around him before slapping down to his sides. “I’m moving right into the spotlight. For you.”
Eddie swallowed. He should stand up. He should get Steve off the damn table and stop Steve from saying and doing something stupid and life damaging in a small town like theirs.
“In case everyone didn’t know, Eddie Munson is my friend. He’s more than my friend, especially, ever since we were dared to kiss in that closet,” Steve continued.
There were some whispers and ooh’s that began to filter through the room, but they stopped when Steve opened his mouth to speak again.
“I don’t want to sneak around, and I’m sorry that I said that you were just someone from school, when you aren’t. You’re not The Freak. You aren’t someone random. You’re you. And I want to date you,” Steve exhaled in exasperation, giving Eddie a smile.
He literally heard so many of the student body shift in their seats to look at him next. Oh fuck, Eddie hated this kind of spotlight. Everyone waited for him to answer because, damn it, it was Eddie’s move. His friends smacked his arms, and he glared at them.
“Say something,” Jeff encouraged.
Eddie sat there, semi-frozen, except for his finger tapping the table in thought. Finally, he stood up from his seat, letting the chair screech on the linoleum, and got up onto his own table. He walked the length of it, popped his hip and crossed his arms.
“I don’t think I heard you, correctly,” Eddie said.
Steve deflated. “I want to go out with you, publicly.”
“Yeah, yeah, I heard that,” Eddie waved off. “I meant the other part.”
“I’m sorry?”
Eddie tapped the tip of his nose, then pointed at Steve. “That’s it. Just wanted everyone to hear again what it’s like to apologize to someone.”
People groaned, with many going back to their meals, now that Eddie had chimed in. Eddie smirked and hopped off the table, while Steve got down a little more carefully, wincing at the pain in his ass from the black ice he’d slipped on that morning.
“I’m not entirely forgiving you. We will have to talk,” Eddie said.
“That’s what I’ve—” Steve began, but stopped at Eddie’s look.
“I’m not ready to talk yet. You forced my hand today, Harrington, and because of that…there will be consequences. Show me you can be a good boy, and then…only then…will I consider ending my silence. Understood?” Eddie asked.
They stared at each other for a long moment, in almost a test of wills, before Steve nodded with a sigh.
“Good,” Eddie nodded as well. “The first thing I want you to do is come up with a first date plan. You asked me out, and I think that calls for you to give me the Steve Harrington Experience. You’ll present me with a time and date in two days time. By then, I shall be ready to talk about what happened today and weeks ago.”
“Okay,” Steve acknowledged.
With his own sigh, Eddie shook his head and snorted. “Jesus, man. I can’t believe you actually did that. Told you to move, not make a move in public. You’re wild, Stevie.”
Steve smirked. “Yeah, well, I had to think of something to get you to actually give me a moment. Took a page from your book.”
“It worked,” Eddie said and chuckled. “It fucking worked.”
He turned around to walk back to his spot to finish eating his lunch, but he couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder at Steve watching him a moment longer before walking off somewhere. Maybe to plan? Who knows?
“Since when does Steve Harrington like guys?” Frank asked, confused.
“Since me,” Eddie answered, grabbing his fork and twirling it in the school-made spaghetti and taking a bite.
*
It was all anyone could talk about in the hallways and the classroom. Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington were going to go out on a date. A lot of the whispers were about how people didn’t know that Steve was gay, which only had Eddie rolling his eyes from the ignorance of someone having to be straight or gay with no in between in their minds. He couldn’t expect everyone to be knowledgeable, however, especially in Hawkins…in 1985…
There were some that stared at him in a new way than they usually did, which was usually in disgust or fear, but was now more considering. Were they thinking how a guy like him managed to bag Steve? Or were they wondering just how good of a kiss Steve and Eddie had shared at the Halloween party to have Eddie convert someone they thought to be the epitome of infallible sexuality? Either way, people were talking about it and probably debating their own internal shit, and maybe that was a good thing.
Then, of course, there were those that loathed Eddie even more for the corruption of evil that they deemed him to be. Eddie was used to that, he just wasn’t used to the good that was trying to come his way because he was now associated with Steve. Hell, Eddie still couldn’t believe that Steve had gotten up on the lunch table and completely outed himself…and Eddie to boot, but so many people already assumed he was gay, and he just went with it because they were right. What a way to start the New Year.
After school, Eddie carefully ran to his van from the front doors of the school. It was fucking cold, and he didn’t do well in the cold. His hair helped, and so did his layers, but the wind chill literally blew right through all of that. Eddie couldn’t wait for spring weather. Sure, he’d still wear his layers and still have his long hair, but he’d at least be warmer and not shivering his ass off. He got into his van, blasted the heat and defrost, only to have his passenger side door open with Nancy taking a seat and shutting the door.
Out of all the people that would seek him out, he didn’t think it’d be Nancy Wheeler. Actually, maybe he should have been expecting her, since she used to date Steve and that night had been a public end to their relationship…where Eddie and Steve had kissed in the closet not long after that.
“Wheeler,” Eddie acknowledged with a confused and semi-suspicious stare.
Her mittened hand rose in the air to shush him, so Eddie kept his mouth shut as he watched her try and get warmer in his van and gather her thoughts. It was fascinating, and mildly terrifying to watch and wait, but, when she was ready, she turned into the seat to meet his eyes with determination.
“I didn’t know,” Nancy said. “About Steve.”
“Neither did he. I had to explain to him what bisexual was, and he’s still learning,” Eddie replied.
Nancy frowned. “Steve’s bi?”
Eddie smiled. “Yep.”
Her shoulders dropped, as if she had been holding a weight on them. “I thought I was holding him back. When I found out about the kiss and then…what happened today…Not that we weren’t already struggling—That’s besides the point.”
“You should really talk to him, Nancy. Not to get back with him because I’m going on a date with him, and I really want that,” Eddie teased.
Nancy shook her head and smiled, rolling her eyes. “I don’t want to get back with him.”
“Good. Good. Just double checking. Anyways, I mean that you should to talk to Steve because this is his story you are asking about, and I’m the wrong person to share it,” he added.
“You’re right,” she nodded. “You’re absolutely right. I just…I don’t know if he wants to talk to me.”
“He has been a little hard to pin down since Christmas,” Eddie said, sighing at how it’d been that long since he’d last spoken to Steve, until today, that is. “It doesn’t hurt to try. You might be surprised. It seems all he wants to do today is talk.”
Eddie couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for not wanting to talk to Steve, but Steve had been determined and had found a way to get through to Eddie to listen just enough to give Steve a chance at a later date. He had good advice to give Nancy and maybe he should take it himself. Not today. He gave Steve two days, but maybe he could work on that lowering that number to something sooner than 2. Besides, he knew Steve, and Steve would probably already have things planned and ready to go by tonight or tomorrow. Two days was going to kill the both of them, and Eddie was curious as to what more Steve had to say about their pre-holiday fallout.
“He’s always been good at that,” Nancy said with a sad smile.
Seeming to be warmer and having found what she was looking for in Eddie’s van, she went to reach for the door handle, only to stop and look at Eddie much harsher this time.
“Don’t hurt him, or I hurt you,” she warned. “And if he hurts you…well…I’ll tell him to stop it. I think you might be good for each other.”
Eddie narrowed his eyes. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough from the conversation we just had and the one you had with Steve in the lunch room. People are wrong about you, Eddie,” Nancy said, then slipped out of his van to leave him with, hopefully, the last surprise of his day.
Shaking his head, he put his van in reverse and peeled out of the parking lot to head home. Despite it being a Monday, which was usually a sale day in the woods for him, he decided that he wasn’t in the mood and that it was too fucking cold to be out there. He didn’t prepare the best, and, with all that happened, he needed a breather to the first day back after winter break. Everyone would be ready for him tomorrow, all bundled up, and ready to achieve their new high.
When Eddie got home, he couldn’t be more happy to not be at school or in the cold anymore. He shucked his winter gear and backpack, then he found a note from Wayne that he went grocery shopping and would be back in time to have dinner before work. Eddie plopped down on the couch with nothing to do. Well, not nothing, he should be doing homework, but how could he do homework when his mind was racing?
He should really take his own advice to Nancy and talk to Steve. Get the story that he didn’t know, now that he had the apology. Did he really want to drive over to Steve’s house, worrying that Steve’s parents were still there and run into the same issue? Calling was an option, but this was not a conversation to have over the phone. And then there was the issue of school…Eddie really didn’t want to talk with Steve about stuff while there. The cafeteria today was already his limit to public relationships laid out in front of their classmates.
It didn’t leave Eddie with a lot of options, honestly. His right hand played with the chain on his pants, while the left worried at the frayed holes in the left knee of the jeans. Eddie pursed his lips and stared at the front door before flicking to the television that was begging to be turned on to distract him.
“I gave him two days,” Eddie said out loud to himself.
Groaning, he rolled his head back to stare up at the ceiling, only to flinch at the sudden turn of keys in the lock and Wayne entering the trailer with grocery bags. He put his hand to his chest to calm his heartbeat.
“Sorry for scaring ya,” Wayne said, noticing his nephew’s reaction. “Everything okay? You’re not even watching TV.”
Wayne set the groceries down on the counter and kept standing there to wait for an answer. They both knew that he had to go out for one more round of bags before he could unpack.
Eddie sighed.
“Is it about that Steve boy?” Wayne asked.
Eddie narrowed his eyes in incredulity. How did he know?
“Don’t look at me like that. I may be quiet, but I’m not stupid. He didn’t come over for Christmas dinner like you’d invited him, you spent all that time making the dinner out of spite and eating it, and you’ve been listening to the same album on repeat the entire time. Now, suddenly, you are sitting on the couch in silence, clearly in thought, and I’m supposed to think that it’s not about this boy that you’ve been hanging out with last month?” Wayne explained, crossing his arms over his chest with a raised brow.
“Well, shit, Wayne…” Eddie breathed out.
Swallowing, he shook his head and looked down at his hands. Eddie didn’t know how to respond to all of that.
“Whatever it is, something rattled you today to break you out of it. Go. Get in your van and go talk to him. Even a blind squirrel trying to find a nut can tell that you like that boy,” Wayne urged.
“A…blind…squirrel?” Eddie slowly asked.
Wayne reached for the van keys off the counter and tossed them at Eddie, who caught them. He then pointed at the door.
“Go.”
Eddie stood up, still somewhat unsure. He wanted to protest, but Wayne was still pointing and staring at him. There was no room for argument. Eddie’s choice had been made for him. He was going to talk to Steve.
After leaving the trailer with a coat and gloves thrown on, he got into his van and sat in there long enough for his uncle to get the second round of grocery bags and go inside, then come back out to rap on the driver side window. Eddie rolled it down.
Wayne sighed, leaning on the side of the car a bit. “Are you okay, son?” he softly asked.
Eddie shook his head.
“Do you want to go and talk to him?” Wayne added.
Eddie nodded.
“What’s wrong?”
That last question had tears forming in his eyes.
“I’m just scared. He told me and the whole school that he likes me and wants to date me, but I can’t stop remembering meeting his mom and being reduced to someone from school so quickly. He apologized for that too. It’s just my brain being stupid,” Eddie replied.
Wayne frowned, then opened the door to pull Eddie into a hug.
“It’s not stupid. He hurt you. I’m glad he apologized, and it seems that he really means it if he outed himself like that in front of everyone. That’s a brave thing to do. But it’s not stupid to feel the way you feel or to be scared. You’ve always been guarded from things that have happened in your life, but it’s also okay to be vulnerable and let someone in,” Wayne assured. “You’re almost 19. You’re still a kid, and this is your first relationship. Again, I’ve noticed. So, things are going to be rough and bumpy to find both of your footing. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” A beat. “But if he hurts you again, I’m having words.”
Eddie snorted and laughed a bit, squeezing Wayne tighter before pulling back to nod and meet his uncle’s eyes. “Thanks.”
This man was more like his father than Al Munson ever was. It was a whole different environment living with his uncle. He could tell that there were times that Wayne didn’t know what to do with Eddie or how to handle things, but he appreciated that Wayne gave him some space…at least, until there came a point where Wayne had to intervene and figure things out. Like now. Again, Eddie appreciated it because it helped get him out of his own head, after getting so lost in it.
“You don’t have to go tonight, if you don’t want to,” Wayne assured.
Eddie reached for the keys to turn the van off, but stopped. He’d dared Steve to move in that cafeteria. While Steve’s movement hadn’t been what Eddie had meant, it had been moving and inspiring. Eddie wanted to move like that.
“No, you were right the first time,” Eddie shook his head. “I need to go. I need to move.”
“Okay,” Wayne nodded. “Dinner will be in the fridge, when you get home. Good luck, son.”
He watched Wayne shut the door and back up to allow safe space for Eddie to reverse the van. Eddie closed the window and gave a wave to his uncle before he pulled out and headed through the trailer park to the main road. When the time came to turn from the trailer park and head in the direction of Steve’s house, Eddie paused, took a few deep breaths…
And he moved.