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I just want to be an English major! (or, Please god don't make me play football)

Summary:

Jason knew what he looked like. To a lot of people he looked like the perfect person for some sort of sports team. He was tall as hell and could bench-press any of his siblings any day of the week. He looks especially appealing to the football coach, Slade. Apparently being tall and broad shouldered and muscled was a good thing for football. It didn't help that he showed off his running skills any time he saw the man.

The twist? Jason just wants to write his goddamn essays in peace.

aka, five times Jason had a good excuse to avoid joining the football team and the one time he had to join.

Notes:

i've lost the it but i remember seeing a really funny tumblr post once about how jason goes to university and has to dodge the football coach trying to recruit him and then this happened, if i can find it again i will post a link to it here

anyways, i am very new to comics and haven't even read any of the batman ones but i am excited to start them soon just know that if i get any characters like super wrong feel free to yell at me (kindly)

also i don't know shit about fuck when it comes to football and actively had to look up "football how work?" on google to understand any basics. if anything is inaccurate do not try to explain it to me, i don't want to know

idk, this is just meant to be a silly and fun fic because jason would be a fellow english major and for that i love him

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

1

Jason knew what he looked like. He knew he was tall beyond belief—last he had checked he was just a tiny bit shorter than Bruce—with broad shoulders and biceps that most people would never fit two hands around. He knew this and would often use it to his advantage for whatever reason.

On the first day of orientation, when he was still fresh to University as a whole, he was actually scouted by the “Walk Home Club”. The express purpose of said club was solely to look tall and intimidating while walking around campus with people who didn’t feel safe walking to and from classes or their dorm rooms or bus stop or train station. That’s all he needed to hear of the pitch before he was joining.

He enjoyed it enough that, even in his second year, he tried to commit as much time to it as possible when he could fit it into his schedule.

The thing was that he enjoyed that. He liked walking people to where they were going and making comfortable small talk about whatever book he was reading or letting them vent their worries on him.

What he didn’t enjoy was the football coach, Slade Wilson, trying so desperately to get him to join the team.

He was decidedly not a sports person. He tended to tune out any and all talk of it the second someone started speaking about it. Normally they catch on to his boredom and move on to other topics.

Wilson Slade, however, never did.

He had been scouting Jason out ever since that same first day orientation.

Apparently, according to Dickhead at least, the same thing happened to lots of people.

“Yeah, he is always a bit pushy with that.” His brother told him in the midst of his stretch when Jason spent some time watching him practice in the university studio. “When he sets his eye on you it’s hard to avoid him. He did the same with me,” he said when he pulled his leg over his head and held the pose for a minute.

“And how exactly did you get him off your back?” Jason asked as he glanced up from his laptop and the essay he had been working on. “‘Cause I don’t think he understands what ‘no’ means.”

Dick laughed when he said that, lowering his leg to begin stretching his arms. “I had to tell him about my dancing and that seemed to get him to leave me alone.” He groaned lightly as he stretched an arm across his torso. “I think if you do some sort of other sport that should do the trick.”

Jason laughs. “Yeah but I ain’t doin’ that.”

“That’s fine, little wing, but he’s gonna keep hounding you if you don’t get some sort of excuse.” He pulls the silk down and looks over at Jason with a grin. “Now could you give me a boost?”

He sighs before walking over and lifting his brother up by under the arms so he can wrap himself up in the silk. Jason stays for a few minutes, watching his brother practice until his alarm for his next class rings and he hurriedly packs his bag and rushes out so he can run halfway across the campus to make it on time.

He barely resists the temptation to climb the nearest tree and hide there when he spots Slade in the corner of his vision making quick work of walking over to where Jason is.

“Mister Todd, I truly do think it would benefit you if you–” He picks up his pace and speeds by without even looking at the man.

“Uh, yeah, no thanks, I’m heading to class,” he mumbles before he breaks into a run, ignoring the startled call of his name once again.

Later on he may regret running so fast and for so long if only because it somehow convinced Slade he was perfect for football.

He makes it to his class on time, even if he’s sweating a bit and gets a few concerned looks from his classmates as he takes his seat in the middle back of the room. He could deal with a little public humiliation so long as it meant dodging the draft another day.

2

Contrary to what most people think when they first look at him, Jason is actually pretty popular in most of his classes. In spite of his intimidating stature and tendency to glare at anyone who crossed his path he always tried to be friendly if anyone approached him. He had loads of friends that he got along with and even joined a club once in a while when he could spare the time between his classes.

Lilian was especially nice. They met during his first year and had loads of their classes together since then. On top of that, they shared a lot of tastes in literature and she was working on an absolutely incredible novel that Jason was eager to beta read for. He lived on the campus in the dorms but always made sure to walk her to the train station and on later nights all the way back to her apartment. One couldn’t be too careful in Gotham and she didn’t have anyone living with her to make sure she made it back okay. Walking in the dark near downtown was always terrifying.

They spent a lot of their lunch breaks together in the art lounge, a little place for his fellow art majors to chill in. Lilian loved the place; mostly for the free tea they stocked there, but still.

He had been working on one of his many essays (seriously, for what reason did he need to write three different one thousand word essays in a month? What sort of bullshit was that?) as Lilian types furiously across the table from him on her own assignment.

He finishes the tea he had been drinking and stands, quickly packing away his laptop and such.

“See ya, Lili,” he says as he slings his bag over his shoulder and walks out of the room leaving her to her frantic typing. She doesn’t even look up as he leaves, giving a halfhearted wave. He knew her next class was her last of the day and would be around to walk her to the university station once she was done. Until then, he was gonna go and watch Dickhead practice again, he always got nervous around a big performance and liked the emotional support of his family.

“Ah, Mister Todd.” An obnoxiously familiar voice says from behind him and he halts in his tracks, turning with a very poignant glare settling over his face.

“Hello Slade.” He returns without any hint of joy within the words. He glances behind him at where Lilian is still typing away at her computer, barely even glancing up at him as he turns back to the coach. He was in this alone.

“If you have a moment, we’re looking for someone to help us during our practice.”

Jason is riffling through his mind for a reasonable excuse as he hears the familiar tapping of a cane and one heavy step followed by a lighter step and breathes out a sigh.

“Hey Jason, I’m ready to go now!” She calls out, putting an extra wobble in her step as she wanders over and takes his arm. He braces himself for her weight but she clearly had a good day as she doesn’t lean on him at all. It’s a clear show put on just for the coach standing across from the two of them. She begins to turn him away, entirely ignoring Slade who jumps in to intercept them.

“Excuse me, I was just talking to Mister Todd here about—”

“Sorry, but we’re actually late for our creative writing club! Jason helps me get around,” she says, grabbing Jason's hand and tapping her cane against the ground as she begins to lead him away from Slade, very clearly not being helped by him.

Jason glances back once before they are out of sight to see Slade walking back down the hall in the opposite direction of them. Thank god.

Lilian drops his arm as soon as they are out of the hallway.

“How are you braver than me?” He asks. She sure had guts because even Jason was terrified by the football coach enough he actively ran away when even close to the man. He actually did climb a tree once just to avoid being spotted.

“Because I’m not a pushover, unlike someone?” She looks over at him, raising a single eyebrow at him. She taps her cane harder on the ground, actively aiming for his feet because she was mean like that sometimes when she wanted to drive home a point. “And since you’re avoiding Slade, you may as well walk me to my class. After all, I’m clearly a helpless child who needs a big strong football man to escort me everywhere,” she says with a mocking tone of voice that he thinks is supposed to be Slade and he chuckles a bit.

“You drive a hard bargain,” he says, following her lead and ensuring she makes it to her last class of the day safely before wandering off to where Dick would be waiting for him.

He had a lot of friends in classes and most he had told about his situation. He’s glad he told so many of his friends about said current plight because she really saved his ass back there.

3

This stupid family seems to produce a lot of dancers. Which, at least for the two it applied to, made a bit of sense. Dick was bound to be interested in aerial silk with his history in trapeze and he seemed to really love it. He was always a performer at heart so it didn’t shock anyone when he joined the course available at the university.

Cass on the other hand found ballet was a relatively recent interest of hers, sparking when she was in middle school and stretched on until she got accepted into a proper ballet school where she now attended. Jason always noticed that she had carried herself with enough grace and was just as ridiculously bendy as Dick that it was bound to happen.

Plus, she seemed to really enjoy it. It didn’t bother Jason, so long as his baby sister was
enjoying herself and happy with her life he was happy. Really that went for everyone in this way too big family.

As an added bonus, it gave him another excuse.

He had gotten better about not being cornered by Slade ever since one of his friends, Michael, who was on the football team told Jason about all the places he frequented. Primarily it was the smattering of gyms, which sucked for Dick, but Jason found some work arounds. He was not in fact above wearing a fake moustache and sunglasses if it meant he could write his essays and read in peace.

Thankfully, the one and only place he never seemed to set a single foot in was the library. Thank god for that because that was the one place Jason did actively spend time in. It became a bit of a game, playing chicken by baiting Slade into the library and seeing how far he would follow. Most of the time Jason lost him in the tall bookcases that ran in a maze most people got lost in. Jason had it memorized by his second semester.

He’s standing somewhere between the academic papers and accounting textbooks, skimming through a book of essays on Steinbeck for a research assignment that’s due before the weekend when a voice speaks somewhere next to him.

“You know, we’re having a practice tonight if you would care to join us?” He doesn’t even need to look up to know who that was. He honestly thought Slade was allergic to books or something with how little he came here so it’s with a growing sense of horror to know he’s following Jason onto his own turf.

This time he had a halfway decent excuse at least. Cass was really looking forward to it and honestly Jason was as well.

“Yeah, my sister actually has a ballet show tonight I need to be there for.” He shrugs, speaking quietly in the otherwise silent space, not really feeling particularly sorry. “Sorry,” he says anyway. “Yeah, I actually have to go to every show she does. You know how it is.” Okay, fine, that part was a lie. Cass only ever wanted them to come for the big shows, though Bruce still tried to make it to every one even if it was just to pick her up once she was done and get dinner together.

If it gets Slade to leave him alone he would say anything.

“I told the football coach at Gotham U that I can’t miss any of your shows.” Jason tells Cass later that night as he’s watching her warm up in the workout room of the manor.

It’s the first time in a while he’s been there. Ever since he and Bruce had that big fight he’s been distancing himself from this place. There was a reason he lived in the dorms and Dick was still here.

Anything for his siblings though.

She ascends from her stretch and taps her two middle fingers to her temple. Why? She asks, making a face of pure befuddlement at him, eyes wide and mouth open in a grimace. You don’t need to come for every one.

“Because the coach is an asshole who only seems to respect athletes." He holds up his hands before she could remark on that. He could already sense the glare. “Which is fair, you work your ass off, but I just want to write my shit in peace. Guy wouldn’t know a rejection if it hit him in the face.”

She holds a hand to her mouth and her shoulders shake in mirth. Or you could become one of the jocks in this family, she teases.

“Nope, nah, no thanks.” He shakes his head with every word. “There’s too many of you freaks as it is.”

She is smiling the rest of her warmup and doesn’t seem half as tense as they all pile into the car with Jason on his motorcycle following behind.

He actually dressed up for tonight. At least, he dresses up more than he usually does to go to the theatre. He actually wears a button up shirt and slacks rather than just jeans and a mostly clean t-shirt.

He avoids Bruce’s gaze the entire ballet. He liked Giselle enough he could just play it off as appreciating the art. On top of that, he was hella proud of Cass for getting the leading lady so he focuses on her each time she is on stage. So, he just ignores Bruce for the entire thing. They could talk when he wasn’t trying to support his siblings in their craft.

Cass’ solo is perfect and it feels just a little extra sweet knowing she helped him avoid Slade for another day.

4

As stated before, Jason actually did have a lot more friends than first believed by a lot of people when they first looked at him.

Erik was a really good friend of his that he shared a philosophy class with. He was a real sweetheart; loved his kid and always showed pictures whenever Jason asked about her. Also quiet but rather well spoken and quite confident in sharing his opinion that Thomas Hobbes was a bitch actually. He wanted to be a damn lawyer so Jason would hope he was a good person and was kind to everyone while being so articulate.

So, Jason really didn’t mind this.

Finals week was hell on everyone and Jason can’t begin to fathom how difficult it must be on a single parent like Erik who had to juggle his kid on top of his school work and studying. They spent many sleepless nights in the study group with minimal breaks between them. Jason poured over books to write quotes down from stories he would want to cover in a potential essay as everyone else silently contemplated their own work.

Finals week went by faster than he thought it would. Relatively few casualties and he even felt okay about some of the essays he submitted and answers he put on the scantrons.

He called up Dick a few times in that week, ensuring his stupid older brother was also keeping his sanity, to check in on him and they would spend late nights running around Gotham trying to find every energy drink they could find and taking a sip of them all at once.

The buzz kept him awake enough he survived all his exams but he can’t say the same for some of his friends.

He had just finished a phone call assuring a sobbing Lilian that it was okay she missed her exam because of a scheduling error and that they would likely give her a deferral if she emailed in and was taking a walk around the campus to de-stress.

He doesn’t complain at all when Erik rushes up to him from across the walkway and presses little Ophelia into his arms and rushing past with a hurried explanation that he was already almost too late for his exam.

Jason didn’t mind. It was stupid that the university day care was closed for exams. That was like the main time people needed it! Either way, Jason spent enough time with Damien and Tim when he was younger that it didn’t bother him. He liked kids well enough. Just don’t start shaking the baby and he will be fine for a few hours.

So he carries Ophelia around on his hip, taking her on a grand tour of the decades old campus, pointing out all the “bullshit architecture that isn’t even real gothic” and passing by the library as he explains the plot of Crime and Punishment in grave detail. She was young enough it probably wouldn’t traumatize her to hear about an old woman getting brutally murdered.

“Mister Todd, now that I have you alone—” Jason sighs rather loudly and turns to face Slade who looks shocked to see him carrying around a small child that he’s never had before. “Uh, it’s about joining the team tonight…” He trails off again, staring right at Ophelia as she slobbers over her own fingers and Jason gently pries them from her lips.

“Well, as you can clearly see,” he lifts Ophelia up by under her arms for emphasis, letting her legs dangle. “I am currently on babysitting duty so it’s a solid no from me.” And, okay, sure, Jason would probably be done by the time practice was through but Slade didn’t need to know that. For all he knew Jason was gonna be stuck with a small child until tomorrow! Or maybe forever! Maybe he needs to get himself a child if Slade was that terrified of him and his power while holding a sticky toddler.

“Another time then.” Slade nods silently and begins to walk away, glancing over his shoulder several times as Jason waves goodbye to him, Ophelia following suit and waving a chubby hand at the football coach.

He adjusts where she sits on his hip and looks right into her eyes as she giggled at nothing. “Thanks for saving my ass there kid.” He winces and presses his forehead to hers. “Don’t tell your dad I said that. He wants you to never swear but when you’re older I’m gonna teach you all of them.”

The library was open at pretty much all times and had a kids corner in a decently soundproofed room so he messages Erik for whenever he gets his phone back from his prof and exam assistants to meet him there.

It’s easy to fall back into the familiar routine of watching someone else's kid. The place was pretty quiet, most other parents probably had actual baby sitters that were taking their kids out to the park or staying home and doing something there so it was just Jason and Ophelia for most of the afternoon.

Erik thanks him profusely when he drops by the library to pick up Ophelia. He looks dead on his feet just as everyone did after exam week was through. Jason can’t seem to thank him enough in return and gets him dinner as a treat, both for completing his exam and the excuse to once again avoid Slade and his vendetta against Jason's peaceful university life.

5

Tim and Duke were going to have a wonderful first year. Jason and Dick would make sure of that. They, or more accurately, Dick trailed them the entire orientation and gave them a thumbs up if they were ever brave enough to look over at their older brothers hiding in the bushes. Their fellow first year students laughed whenever they blushed bright red at the antics.

Jason was, by all counts, an older brother, so of course he derived much pleasure from lightly bullying his brothers, plus there was free lunch at orientation so he was going to go anyway. No university student refused free food. Even Dick, who got to go home to Alfred’s cooking every day agreed to that.

They find a free patch of grass among the crowds of students and start a relatively casual conversation, pointedly not bringing up how Bruce was probably sobbing into his pillow at home for the almost empty nest he was faced with.

“You want to try and take it easy your first year, no shame in taking the bare minimum. Gotta figure out your groove before anything else.” Jason tells his two younger brothers who had probably already chosen all their courses and applied.

Tim, Jason could tell, already had a small arsenal of classes he would be taking and would later regret when the assignments started coming in and he was on his twelfth sleepless night in a row. He never did know how to settle down a bit. He was always at a hundred-and-ten percent. Hopefully this term would knock some sense into him and in winter he wouldn’t be taking seven classes at once.

Duke was much more reasonable—though, compared to Tim that wasn’t saying much—knowing when he may be biting off more than he could chew and when to pace himself. Jason thinks he may even enjoy university which would be fucking rare. Even Jason who loved to read found himself burnt out most nights between all his assigned readings and essay writing. Plus, social work was not an easy field to get into.

“Would you take art history with me?” Tim asks through a bite of his burger. He’s looking at Jason so he assumes the question was directed at him. He snorts and almost chokes on the juicebox he had been mid-sip through.

He laughs as he coughs. “Why’d you want me there?”

Tim shrugs. “So I can talk shit.” Dick smacks him lightly upside the head causing him to laugh.

“Why don’t you take some dance courses with Dick?” Duke asks, running a hand over his short braids to fix them up. “Or some anthropology courses with me?”

“Eh,” Tim waves a hand. “You two want to actually focus on class.”

“And I don’t?” Jason asks, somewhat bemused and also annoyed. He raises an eyebrow at Tim. He was taking his education very seriously. Thank you very much.

“Fine! Whatever, I’ll just take a course with Kon then.” He throws a hand in the air and takes another bite of his burger as if that was going to hide the faint blush on his cheeks.

“Cute,” Duke laughs and Dick delves into a teasing voice as he pokes fun at Tim for his little crush. Understatement of the century. Those two were dating in every way except saying it outright.

“Mister Todd,” Jesus fucking Christ, there was only one person at this stupid school that still called him ‘Mister Todd’ and he didn’t want to fucking start a new year like this. He turns to face Slade with an expression that he’s sure can read only as ‘bitch?’. He places his food down on the ground and rises up to meet the eye of fucking Slade Wilson.

“Yeah I know the whole spiel already, look can we do this later?” He gestures behind him at his brothers and takes note of Dick’s poignant glare in Slade's direction. His three brothers rise up to stand behind Jason, probably both literally and metaphorically.

“I simply believe you and your,” Slade glances at Duke who now stands beside Jason. “Friend really should try out for our football team. A new year and all means we could use some new team members. Tryouts start soon.”

Jason glances at his brother who shares a look with him in return. Duke and he had gotten very comfortable with silent conversation in the few years they’d had together. They came from somewhat familiar backgrounds, their moms dying while they were young and being tossed around the foster system in Gotham of all places brought a sort of kinship with it. Jason was the first person Duke had really opened up to.

He knew Duke would never be interested, much like Jason. Beyond the outliers that should never be counted in the first place, the Wayne family never produced athletes of any kind. Duke just wanted to settle down in a job in social work like his mom and never was one for sports. Video games? Absolutely. But actual sports? He fled the room the second anyone started trying to talk about ‘the big game last night’ which was even more than Jason did.

“What makes you think I’d be interested in football?” Duke asks, crossing his arms and leaning in. A single eyebrow perfectly arched. “Is it ‘cause I’m black?”

Jason snorts rather loudly and a bit of spittle flies from his mouth. He hears soft chuckles from his brothers behind him and when he glances over Dick has an arm slung around Duke’s shoulder and is leaning against him with their faces smushed together. His grin is huge.

“You know, I think Kon Clark may be interested in joining if you asked him.” Tim offers and oh boy, Jason wanted to be around to see that conversation take place. Good offer Timmy. Poor Slade would be ripped to shreds verbally if he even tried to approach Kon.

“I see,” he says, glancing the four of them up and down before settling his eyes on Jason again. “I expect to see you there, Mister Todd.”

Slade at least leaves Duke alone after that.

A shame Jason didn’t have a single good excuse that time.

+1

Jason was, admittedly, wildly looking forward to this. Well, not the possibility he would be tackled. He was not looking forward to “Get A Concussion; The Game!” but he was looking forward to what might happen after the game was over.

He didn’t mind most of the football team, they all understood his plight easily and had more empathy for him than he was expecting from a bunch of jocks. They were all excited as hell to execute this plan once he explained it to them. He was instantly labelled the funniest person on the team once he told them.

Michael hands him his helmet and he reluctantly puts it on. He never did enjoy the fit of it and hated the added weight. Tonight was his first real game but even in practice he hated this stupid sport. Hopefully, if all went according to plan, this would also be his last.

He waves at his family who is watching from the sidelines. Somehow he managed to convince Bruce to come along as well and his father sits with a barely hidden grin as Damien looks eager for the first time in a while. He knew they would all enjoy this, his whole family was a bunch of thespians. They had all helped him work to plan this scheme out thoughtfully after many nights. Tim and Steph, the little drama queens, had been a wonderful help to iron out details.

He had already handed it off to Michael who would be centre field to grab the ball when it came into play and hand both it and it off to Jason.

He glances over at Slade who looks pleased as fucking punch to see Jason finally on the field. He scowls under his helmet. The urge is there to throw a middle finger to the man but he resists for now.

Then he gets into position and nods at Michael.

Some referee blows a whistle and Jason is handed off two items, the ball and something more important. He tucks the ball under his arm and begins to back away from the centre of the field as he cracks open the item he was handed.

“Yeah, get it little wing!” Dick calls to him loudly as one of his team mates runs up and grabs the ball in the confusion to run it to the other side as Jason cracks open the book and begins to read, standing utterly still.

He had already read plenty of Toni Morrison's novels by now and Beloved was one of his favourites, up there with Sula. There was a reason it was considered her best work, sue him.

He smirks as he hears the muffled voice of the announcer pointing out his act of defiance. The rest of the game is still going but the whole stadium erupts the second he pulls out his book. Jason is almost happy it is especially because he didn’t score a single point. Slade made a point of saying he was a promising new player who was sure to bring them many goals in the coming season.

In return, this is the “promising young player” the world was promised. Reading a book. In the middle of a big game. Not helping his team whatsoever.

Not that they needed his help, they were doing just fine even with Jason standing off to the side. They were wildly talented athletes and definitely did not need him to win. He had told them all of this and a good quarter of them started crying on the spot. Jason still isn’t sure how that coming from a student of the arts who knew nothing of the sport they played would be considered such high praise.

He glances over to the side once he is mostly through the first half and the game is on a break and sees Wilson Slade with his head firmly in his hands, the embarrassment stretches up to his red ears and he seems to simmer. Jason grins under his mask.

At least after that little stunt Slade Wilson gets it through his thick skull that Jason was fully intent on being a humble English major and had absolutely no interest in being on his stupid sports team and doesn’t bother him anymore.

Notes:

and then jason got his degree and was left alone for the rest of his life and at some point he and bruce make up but i ain't writing all that

if you want to, feel free to come scream at me on tumblr