Chapter Text
The world around me clears slowly. Memories returning and certain parts of my world feel slightly opaque, like there´s something missing. Something really important. I touch my throbbing forehead with my right hand. There is an unfamiliar weight on my finger, something glinting as the hand passes my eye. WHAT. That is one great big green emerald, if ever I saw one. I jolt awake. Xaden. Where is he, I have to get to him. Then the remaining part of my memory catches up. He is gone, now a full-fledged venin. The tight rope we have been walking together finally broke during the battle and here I am. Alone. Where is here though?
Looking around me, on the flight field I see how the fog clears, quite literal fog this time, and through the first lights of dawn and the crisp autumn morning I see Aretia’s, to me newly considered, familiar silhouette. The temple, that first made me aware of these surroundings the very first time I awoke confused to see this place. It feels so long ago. I wish I could take it all back, every word ever spoken in anger to Xaden. Every little conflict we ever had look so small in hindsight.
“Tairn? Andarna?” I reach out mentally but get the calm sleeping feeling from them both which means at least all in well at their end. Or they have shut me out. Why would they, though?
Is that…Xaden?
In the distance I see a person approaching, the sun at his back makes it impossible to discern his features properly, but it must be him. I try to stand up, but my leg gives in under me. He rushes towards me, now running. “Xaden!” I cry out with desperate longing. My haven, my home. He is here.
“Not exactly,” comes a different, however familiar voice. Tears well up in my eyes, slowly rolling down my cheeks. Bodhi.
I hang my head. The cousin resemblance is quite pronounced in leathers. Bodhi’s strong arms are around me in a second. “Don’t look so disappointed, Vi,” he says, “Always a duke of Tyrrendor at your side.” Bodhi lifts me carefully, supporting me under my left arm, getting me off the ground. “What do you mean ‘duke?’”, I manage to grunt out as I try to touch the ground with my obviously fucked left leg. “Hey, careful!” he exclaims, worry lining his brows. So like Xaden’s, but for the scar. “That leg looks broken, I’ll carry you to our room.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck. I jolt away from him, hobbling on my one functioning leg. “Do not fucking touch me, Bodhi! I am not going a step with you until you explain what you are on about.” He looks at me with sunken features, a deceptively calm and obviously tightly controlled expression I can´t read. “Violet, don’t panic. Of course, I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” he gestures slowly, showing me the palms of his hands, in a gesture of adhering to my demands, “but you need to see to that leg now.”
He looks disappointed, that´s it. “I’ll go get Imogen, she’s obviously messed with your memories, or you wouldn’t be so…” he finishes just looking toward the steadily rising sun.
My mind keeps spinning. “Y-yeah, go get Imogen,” I agree, clutching around my middle, as to try to keep my heart from falling out. What is it I could not live with knowing, to the point I ‘ve asked Imogen to erase my memories? I sink down to sit on the ground again. Bodhi nods, eyes turned towards the ground, avoiding mine. “But first answer me,” I say clearer this time, “where is Xaden?” Bodhi’s eyes, so like Xaden’s, correction, so like Xaden’s eyes before… except for the gold flecks. But Bodhi’s eyes are a darker shade of brown. He looks so immensely sad as he sighs deeply and says “Vi, I really think you should talk to Imogen. This is at least the second time you have had her do this to you. I think your core memories will start to take damage from this mistreatment soon. And he would not want that,” then he adds, casting down his eyes again, “And neither would I.”
We are interrupted before I get a chance to respond. Imogen is running towards us, hair a pink flare behind her. “Bodhi!” she bellows at him, “don’t you fucking say one more word to her!” Bodhi turns on her, stepping in between us, right in Imogen’s path. “How very-fucking-dare you make demands of me right now? You could have turned her into a fucking vegetable; you could have erased what makes her…her!” His anger thickens his voice, until it cracks at the last word. He collects himself, dragging a hand through his jet-black hair. “Sorry, but this must be the last time. Do it right. I will go out on patrol with Cuir. Be back later.” And he leaves, with a sad half smile in my direction he says: “Try not to think too ill of me.” The smile did not reach his eyes. He stalks off, shrugging into the flight jacket he had apparently dropped halfway down the flight field when he saw me.
Inside I am screaming. “Imogen,” my voice is a question, containing nothing and everything at once. Do I want to know what I did not want to know anymore? What says I can handle it any better this time?
Imogen sinks down beside me. Her look is stern but not unsympathetic. “Violet, Bodhi is right to be angry with me, you might not think that now, but you will soon.” I nod slowly, incredulously as I let her speak uninterrupted. Whatever could I add anyway? She looks towards my hand, the ring. My ring. “Did you notice you’re married?” She nods her head in the direction of the ring with the green stone. “I noticed the ring, but what do you mean married, where is Xaden, is he my husband now? I have no memory of that at all,” I sound startled and small.
“No, you just sent your husband right off the flight field. For the second time, I might add,” she says with a stretching of her lips that could resemble a smile. I scream in frustration, outload this time. She rises in a huff, “I am going to get Rhiannon, I did not sign up for this shit. Has anyone told you your love life, aside from being messy, is always somehow fucking with the fate of the world?” I tug at her arm “No. I can’t bear to see this exact look on a third person’s face and not knowing what the hell has gone down around me,” I exclaim, and something in my voice makes Imogen sit down again. She sighs, “Alright, but I warn you, I won’t be doing you any more favours in the mind cleaning department, so consider this your last chance to deal with this particular situation differently.” I silently bob my head, to keep her talking.
“So, we do this my way, or rather, the Violet-way this time. What can you tell about the ring from looking at it?” I realise I have not really looked at it at all. “It is the green stone, an emerald, which was missing from the Tyrrish heirloom Xaden used to keep by our bed, before… And he must have had it made when we were in the islands, that’s when I noticed the stone was missing.” “Nearly. Seriously Violet, sometimes I think all the rest of us are invisible, the way you never seem to think anyone but Xaden capable of affecting your life.,” she sighs, appears to draw a new breath, and says, “Not Xaden, Bodhi. The islands is a correct guess, as I understood it from Old Violet.” “There is not a better word than “Old Violet” you could have chosen?” I grumble. Imogen smiles. “Not from now on there isn’t,” she quips back.
“Right,” I say, trying to keep an open mind, and remove the ring from my finger. It fits perfectly. The golden inside of the ring is engraved with runes and some writing. I squint to read it. “All my love, now and forever. BODHI DURRAN”. I growl out the last part. I throw the ring across the field. A sharp lightening slips from under my control and lights up the sky with a closely following crack. “Yeah,” says Imogen, in a nearly bored tone, “this reaction is spot on Old Violet’s as well. I’m going to try to give you a short, informative account, because I will not accept this boring repeat performance.”
She grabs me by the shoulders. “Listen. For now, fuck Old Violet. And fuck Xaden, who, much as I owe that bastard, has put you in this crap situation.” She looks almost furious. “You almost killed yourself, Violet. He almost killed you too. The only good thing he managed to do, since he turned full venin after the battle, was walk away. He managed to circumvent the archaic order that a female duchess will have to forego the title, leaving it free for the king to bestow on whomever, in convincing Bodhi to marrying you, and you to go along with it as well. Before he fucked off to do evil shit. Bodhi is the next in line, so there is some sort of rule that makes you both duke and duchess now. And you’ve married.”
I gasp and clutch at my heart. It feels like it just stopped beating. I feel my power crackling through the air and the hairs on my arms stand up. Focusing on the things I can handle, I rasp out: “Is everybody okay? Is Andarna and Tairn? I can’t really feel them much.” Imogen says in a calmer tone of voice: “They are quite all right. It’s a sometime-side effect of the mindboggling changes to your memory that they fall asleep for a while since your minds are connected. I forced you to get their permission before doing this, again. I do not have a death wish.” I see a shadow darkening her eyes. I take her hand. “I’m so sorry about Quinn.” She just looks towards the horizon. “Thanks. Since we’ve done this before, I must tell you to stop. I cannot talk about it again. Not yet.” I give her a small smile and squeeze her hand.
“How much time has passed since the…marriage?” Do I want this answer? “Six months,” says Imogen. Oh, my gods, this is too much. Instead, I say: “Right.” Deep breath. “Why did I want to return to… now?” Imogen squirms a bit, shifting her position. “Well, you didn’t really. It’s not an exact science, the memory removal, and you must have been influenced still more by the recent changes we made. You only wanted to forget a certain, very recent encounter.” She looks doubtful but finishes with: “With the venin formerly known as Xaden.” I try to take it all in. “That’s my line, I will not tell you about that. Fuck, Bodhi will kill me for erasing the wedding and…everything,” she mutters, mostly to herself.
Imogen then looks me square in the eye. “You are actually good together. In a different way than you and Xaden were. But good, less destructive. And you love Bodhi, you really do. I believe you were on the way to being happy, before an incident happened.” This is too much. I make the mistake of trying to stand up, then scream from the pain and remain planted on the floor. “I can’t love him, I love only Xaden, we are end game. Forever. No one else.” She looks so forlorn at my words. “Bodhi will fucking kill me; he will fucking kill me for this.” She pales. “I’m so sorry!.”
She is just destroyed. “Hey,” I take her hand again. “It will be okay. I will be okay.” Imogen looks at me, tears in her eyes. “This is the first time you’ve said that.” I look at her with a steady gaze and force my voice not to tremble. “For now, only you, I, my dragons and in all probability, Bodhi know of my recent memory loss. Let us keep it that way.” She looks relieved, I see her shoulders drop again. “Fine, for now. This is my fuck up, I should never have agreed to modify, but you were in such a state. Can we just get your leg fixed, and I will try and run interference until you have had time to find your footing, and we can determine exactly what memories you have had erased, and give your brain a chance to catch up? Hopefully, somethings will resurface with time as well, it’s not an airtight solution. I’ll talk with Bodhi.” I agree and soon after she helps me up the stairs of Riorson House.
Brennan doesn’t even flinch as he resets the bone in my leg for the umpteenth time. He seems distracted, and only a little prodding about what is on his mind, makes me sure that his mind is firmly occupied elsewhere. Imogen takes me a swift route to what is apparently supposed to be my room, stopping in front of a door in a part of the castle-like building I don’t really recognise. I have mostly moved around here with the expressed purpose of tagging along in Xaden’s footsteps – looking for him, looking after him, waiting for him. Everything reminds me of Xaden in Riorson House.
I consider the time, which to New Me doesn’t feel that long ago, when I was sent here on a mission with my squad and Bodhi was the one insisting that I had a room here. He meant Xaden’s rooms, right? Now I’m not so sure about anything. Could Imogen have imagined the supposed love, between me and Bodhi, or was this acting to keep the seat in the Senarium, to not have the marriage which undoubtedly has happened between us, questioned for it’s validity? There is only one person who can give me these answers, and he is the last person I want to see right now.
A sparkling crack opens in the channel where I feel the shimmering bond to Andarna’s power. “How are you?” I hear her tentative probing voice in my head. “Andarna! I am so glad to hear your voice,” I answer. “I am confused but fine. But I have apparently lost a bit more memories than was originally intended.” I don’t sound exactly cheerful, but by her expectant silence I gather I’ve been more than miserable the last time she heard me. “Maybe it’s for the best,” Andarna continues, “maybe you will feel better now. We all need you too, remember.” “Of course!” I exclaim, exasperated, “you are more important to me than anything.” Her huff shows me my previous actions have made her highly doubt that. “At least you won’t let the Dark One hurt you again, I hope.” I blanche. Hurt me, Xaden? “Right,” I say, to end the conversation. “You must be starving from having slept so heavy. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I lie (or do I?). She gives another huff, “I know when I’m not wanted and wouldn’t dream of interfering.” My mind immediately goes to “that would be a first,” and apparently it does because Andarna responds more distantly “I heard that, human,” as she goes off to hunt some sheep in peace.
I turn the handle, having waved off Imogen, who has promised to tell Rhiannon that I’m just feeling a bit ill and need a rest. She mentioned the place is now referred to as Durran House, as the new duke is, right, a Durran, not a Riorson. I walk into the light and spacious room, which is quite unfamiliar to me, an armoire to the right, a four-poster bed in the left corner, in a sort of nook. I am not alone in here. Bodhi is lounging on a chair by the window nearest the bed. He fires off an intimate smile full of longing. And then the look is mixed with sadness. “I was wondering when you would come back here. How is your leg?” I cross my arms over my chest and try to adapt to the new situation in a slightly less explosive way. “It’s fine,” I answer tentatively. He rises from the chair in one swift motion, looking oddly at ease in my presence, but at the same time as he is trying really hard not to scare me or cross a line or something.
“Do you want to sit?” he gestures to the chair. “Or would you prefer to lie down?” he gestures to the bed. “Not that I mean anything by that,” he hastens to add, “other then, you might be tired.” His voice trails off. “Do you want me to leave?” his voice constricts and I suspect it feels odd for him that this would be an option for me. “I don’t know what I want,” I say. My insides are jelly. Does he expect me to sleep there, with him? Have I done that before?
“I got you some food,” he continues, his tall frame visibly unsure of where it should be at present. “It is probably cold now, though. It’s your favourite. Anyway, it’s on the mantlepiece.” “Thanks,” I manage to interject. Is he nervous babbling? Shouldn’t that be my part to play? “Yeah, he shrugs with a quick smile, broad shoulders not making it easy to hide in plain sight. He is visibly uncomfortable in this situation. Somehow, I find myself thinking it rather endearing. I chastise myself immediately. Xaden would kill anyone who dared approach me as a prospective new partner, let alone his cousin, how was it he described Bodhi in that letter to me, “always following us, two steps behind.” I don’t see Xaden accepting Bodhi stepping into his shoes when it comes to every aspect of his life. When it comes to me.
I walk towards the mantlepiece, that is, the food. I tip open the lid. Those are definitely pancakes, cold or not, they smell heavenly. “Where did you get these?” I stall for lack of a better subject, grab a pancake and take a bite. He grins, “I made them. I make them for you every morning. Nearly. Sometimes there isn’t time enough for…you don’t need to know this.” I try a small smile back to him. He makes me pancakes? “That’s…” I search for the right word, but tension seems to live in every word I choose from “…nice of you” I finish, lamely.
“This feels so strange, it’s like playing that I’m seeing you for the first time or something,” he says, flat out. “This is not how we are. We are relaxed, you…like me, you know.” He scratches the back of his head and his curls move, giving him a tousled appearance. “I won’t rush you, not at all, but I really need to know some things. We need some solid boundaries.” he looks up at me from under his locks, “I mean, do you remember anything? Our wedding? Our first kiss?” I feel panic building up inside me.
What have I done, to myself, to Xaden? To Bodhi? He is placing every part of this choice in my hands. My shaking, slightly vibrating with uncontrolled lightening-power-hands. Bodhi realizes my control is slipping and takes a couple of fast steps towards me, cupping my hands in his. The lightning dies down. Right! He has the ability to counter signets, mine included. “Is…this, okay?” he murmurs, looking at our hands. I feel calmer and weirdly, it’s like my body doesn’t object to his being closer to me. In fact, it feels better this way. I look up into his deep brown eyes and nod. “Actually, whatever this is, I think I’d like you to hold me. Just for a while.” He looks a bit confused, like he’s letting what I said sink in, but right away opens his arms and I step into his embrace. For just a moment, I close my eyes and let myself remember. I think of Xaden’s smell, but as I breath in, a different scent meets me. One of tea, warm, comforting and…mine. I jolt away from Bodhi’s chest, as if burnt by fire.
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I spit out the words, already at the other side of the room. He stays put, as if frozen to the spot. “I notice you’re not wearing your ring. Should I gather you have no or very few memories of the latest months?” Somehow, the sadness in his words really hurt hearing. I feel an urge to soothe him any small way I can. “Bodhi,” he looks straight at me with a solemn but determined expression, “My last memories are from six months ago. Last I remember, I was in a deeply ride or die committed relationship with Xaden.”
His face completely shatters, and a range of emotions wreak havoc there, replacing each other in swift succession. “Obviously, I can tell that is not the reality the rest of the world adheres to”, I try to keep my tone light, “but I can also tell by the way my body reacts to you, that my reality is the one that’s not quite right.” I can hear his shallow, fast breaths in reaction to my words. “There isn’t a right way to do this, so here we go,” so it’s my time to babble, I guess. “Please sit down and we’ll talk.” I point to the bed. “I promise, no hidden agenda,” I add, determined to get him to return my attempt at a slight smile. He does, even though I can feel the effort from the other side of the room. We both make our ways to the bed, soon sitting on opposite sides.
” Let’s do one question each and see if we can get this sorted,” I try. He nods, eager to agree. “I’ll begin. This relationship we have, is it a real marriage? With love and all that would entail?” I have trouble looking at him for the response but force my eyes to meet his. Do I want him to say yes? Why am I so nervous about his reaction to this? Without even flinching, he looks deep into my eyes, as if to make them convey the deepest sincerity: “Yes. The marriage we have is based on mutual love, respect, and more love. I love you so much, Violet. I am heartbroken you don’t feel the same right now, but as long as there is hope, I will keep loving you. And probably longer still but sincerely hoping your memories will return.”
He swallows, and blink rapidly a few times. “My turn. “How do you want me to manage the present situation with regards to our relationship? Should we continue to act, for your part, as if we are in a relationship, or would you rather we end it, for the present at least?” I look at him, trying to gage his feelings through the tiny movements in his controlled facial expressions. “What would happen if we ended it, disregarding any personal feelings,” I ask, feigning a calm I do not possess at present. “Well, we’d risk having to relinquish control of Tyrrendor to the King, or possibly Halden. Aretia would in all likelihood be free to burn, again that is, and the daggers kept here divided to other parts of Navarre, the ward stone loose its power and, well, you can guess the rest…” he trails off, then adds with a wry smile: “But hey, don’t let that influence your decision in the least.” I sigh, “right, so no major repercussions then.” He looks at me in disbelief, “I’m kidding!” I blurt out, “Sorry, I thought this fun, raw banter was our thing.” He raises an eyebrow, “It kind of is, you know. At least you’ve said a number of times that you like that I make you laugh. And that I talk a lot. I think you thought it was a nice change from…ah, never mind. Give us your answer.”
I am a bit taken aback by the ease with which he broaches the subject of my, to him, previous relationship, but gather myself. “Yes, we continue to present a united front, in the form of a continued outwardly presented marriage.” He gives a curt nod at this, “noted” he says under his breath. Then he looks up at me and looks to have just let out a breath that had been held in a very, very long time. “Thank you for the confidence in me. I will not disappoint you.” then he seems to consider but adds “I can’t promise I won’t try to re-make you fall in love with me, though. Hope that isn’t a deal breaker.” I consider a moment. “That seems fair to me,” I hear myself say.
“My turn,” I continue swiftly towards a subject change. “Do you know what made me erase my memories? Again,” I add. He gives me a quizzical look. “If I did, would you want me to tell you? And what’s to stop you from running to Imogen and beg her to help damage your brain even further?” Aouch, the implication of what he said hit hard. “I didn’t damage…” I begin, “I am still me…, I’m the same!” He is silent a second, then says in a small voice that makes me want to eat my own words: “To everyone but me, you are you.” He sobers up in a moment, clearing his throat: “I don’t know, for the record, what possessed you to do this. I’m guessing it was another encounter with the ghost of Xaden. That’s what did it the last times.” He looks away, clearly bothered by the subject. “I just feel I’ve lost you piece by piece to this monster that’s more important to forget, than I am to remember.” he catches himself nearly reaching out to me, trying to retract his own words from the air, “Sorry, that was not the least bit productive. And not at all something that will show me in the best possible light, either. Forget I said that, please.” Even through the surge of anger and shame at his words, sympathy wins. I clear my throat: “Your turn.”
He gives me a glance filled with worry and unspoken words of emotion. “On that note, do you want me to find a place to crash for the time being? There is only one bed in this room, and I suspect you’d prefer some privacy, given the circumstances.” He shrugs, “I can just tell Garrick that your husband was being an ass. That should buy us a couple of days at least.” Trying to consider the bed-issue rationally takes some personal restraint. Finally, I say: “No, it’s better if we just sleep here, as not to raise any questions. There would be too many people interested in seeing this duke-duchess-situation fail, for comfort.” Bodhi looks at me, without showing any particular inclination on the subject, “fine, that’ll be…fine.”
Suddenly, I’m filled with an emotion of my own that apparently choses now to come out “FINE!” I say loudly. “Absolutely no trouble whatsoever.” I feel the need to laugh, it bubbles up inside me, and forces it’s way out my mouth, sounding an awful lot like a croak. “Wasn’t there any agreement made between us about being at least a bit sincere and honest with each other?” He shrugs, “I don’t remember making any such promise. Far to hard, considering the circumstances.” I point to his chest, “Well aren’t you simply GREAT at considering the ‘circumstances,’ given that you just told me you’ll do just about anything to make me fall in love with you?”
He raises his voice slightly, “Do you honestly think I relish the idea of feigning a relationship with the woman I love, and on top of that, sleeping in the same bed as her, without being able to touch her? Do you think I should enjoy the moment, while trying not to think about that she is laying in our bed, probably pining after my good-for-nothing cousin, who looks nearly exactly like me, but is ever so slightly better in every respect?” Unbelievable. I feel thunder amassing in my mind and must force myself to take control of my signet. That would add to the drama in the wrong way. Instead, I rise from the bed and stomp towards the door. Bodhi rests his head in his hands and by the time he looks up, I slam the door behind me.
I stalk along the corridor, taking the stairs down and ending up where Rhiannon sleeps, at least as far as I remember. I knock. Forcefully. She comes to the door, opening it carefully at first. “Hey, you!” she brings me into a lovely, uncomplicated, hug, but then continue with the dreaded words “Where have you been?” I don’t have the energy even to consider lying to me best friend, yet again. “I-had Imogen e-rase my memories, and now I don’t remember anything after the b-attle!,” I blurt out, tears streaking my cheeks. She looks taken aback but tries her best to cover it with calm caring. “Wow, that sounds like a lot. I was so worried about you when you didn’t return after that patrol went absolutely fucked yesterday…Where have you been? Did you see him again after we split up?” “STOP!” I yell at her, something has occurred, probably during the previous days, that at least Andarna, and maybe you, know of, which has to have been the reason I forced Imogen to erase my memories again. So please, don’t tell me anything about that.” She breathes in deeply, leaving a panicked, frozen expression behind. “When you say you don’t remember anything since the battle, which battle do you mean, Violet?” I say in a shaking voice, “the battle that turned Xaden into a full-fledged venin.” Rhi’s eyes tear up, “You don’t remember you and Bodhi?” “No, not really, but some things seem to have stuck,” I tell her, as she leads me by the shoulders to sit down at her desk. “Violet, that’s really bad,” she says, “how does he take it? I gather you’ve talked?”
“Yes, things have been said between us alright,” I grumble, “and I would need a bed for the night, please.” She points to her bed, “Of course, it’s yours! I have patrol tonight, won’t even need my bed, no worries!” All the worry, pent up anger, and emotions of the day finally hit me. I cry, I lean on Rhiannon, I cry some more. She puts me in her bed and holds me, until I fall into a dreamless sleep.
I wake up, alone in Rhiannon’s bed. I feel empty, numb and…hungry. Not as epic an emotion, but the one of the three that forces me to leave the bed. I lend a couple of things from Rhiannon and go to the communal bathroom to freshen up. When I get back to the room, a note is slipped in under the door with my name on it. “I’m sorry. Again. Seems to be a theme. Please come to our room. At least have some breakfast with me. -B.” I guess it’s better not to run from this.
I climb up the stairs, trying to find my way back. About what I guess is halfway there, I hear Tairn’s voice sleepily jumble in the back of my mind. “Tairn, are you awake?” His lack of response suggests the answer is “barely.” I then feel him jolt awake like the crack of a whip. “Silver one? I expect you to be well, as is befitting my human.” I gather my thoughts. All in all, I’m all right. The sleep has given me certain perspectives. “Yes Tairn, all’s well. A bit of a memory loss going on but otherwise still me.” Tairn’s voice booms, “This is the fault of the Dark One.” I stop him immediately “Don’t say anything! I don’t want to know why I felt the need to erase my own memories!” Tairn goes on, “But you didn’t decide to…” but I block him out. I can’t risk knowing something I can’t live knowing. It is something to do with Xaden, so much is clear, but… “No!” I tell my brain to give it a rest and trudge up the steps, every step feeling increasingly heavy.
Coming to the door, I decide on knocking this time. The door opens almost instantly. Bodhi leans against the doorframe. He looks like he’s had a rough night as well. Dark shadows circle his eyes, and he is only wearing sweatpants. Yet I can’t stop a gasp at the look of him. All dark, rippling ridges and muscles, but lean, not at all bulky. Not one hair on his torso, he looks like a statue in the morning sunlight. He flashes me a tired smile and does a silent bow, inviting me into the room. Our room. Apparently, there is a table and chairs, everything the foldable variety, and on the table is a spread indicating that he has either had a very early morning or night with no sleep, if he has managed to bake the bread as well.
“Good morning, Wife,” he teases me, as he closes the door behind me. To my chagrin he slips on a shirt. Then he pulls out one of the chairs with a: “please, take a seat.” I do as he asks, he sits down opposite me. “It might interest you, Wife, to know that I have a new approach to our…predicament.” I cross my arms in front of me, on the table and say, looking straight at him “Really? And what might that entail, Husband?” As I say the word, something within me skips. It felt nice to say, even though the meaning at present is somewhat jumbled. He grins, obviously fond of my playing his game. “Help yourself to some breakfast, you must be starving. Unless Rhiannon had hidden surprises.” I scowl at him. “For your information, I have not been much inclined to eat at all, due to excessive crying.” I say it in a sort of joking, haughty voice, but the effect on him is immediate. He drops all pretence. “How are you now? Can I do anything for you? Except refrain from being an absolute ass in future.” I am startled by his words and don’t know how to respond. I too drop all pretence. “I want to hear what you were going to say. Go on.”
He clears his throat. “I have decided that in stead of being, as I was yesterday, unfair to us both, I will show you why it is that you love me. Or at least, some of the things that might have made you like me. I don’t know. Maybe we can jog a memory or two. Are you up for it?” I look at him and say: “yes, I would like that very much.” And I mean it.