Chapter 1: Fig Tree
Chapter Text
September 29th
1999
The crunchy brown and tan leaves crumpled under Joseph’s heavy combat boots as he strode through the mostly empty parking lot. The scent of the fall air invaded his senses, though it was very much welcomed, fall was his favourite time of year.
He bobbed his head lackadaisically to the music playing over his headphones, the Walkman connected to them nestled comfortably in the pocket of his long black trench coat. It was a surprisingly cool night even for late September, he shivered just a little as the cold air graced his exposed neck.
A big obnoxiously red pizza bag, with the stores even more obnoxious logo plastered in white on the top, was hanging from his left hand as he made his way to the storefront. He was hired as a delivery boy at the end of his senior year of high school, 3 years later he was still stuck working at this dead end of a job in this dead end of a town. Nothing ever changes around here. It was safe to say, it was starting to get to him. Not going to college wasn't his first choice. He just, to put it bluntly, wasn't that smart. It's not like Joseph was stupid, he just wasn't cut out to sit in a classroom for eight hours everyday, so what're you gonna do about it? It's something he's long accepted about himself, still, that doesn't change the fact he hates the outcome. His feet stopped as he reached the curb in front of the store, a wave of bitterness and longing started to overcome him.
He glanced up at the bright white and red signage above him as he stilled, the bright light emanating from the sign against the dark night sky above him forced his tired eyes to squint. Mario’s was inscribed above him in a bouncy font, next to that was a simplified image of a little Italian man smiling repugnantly at him. He sighed and glanced down at his watch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he did, 12:34 am.
‘Christ, and I have to hold out until 2… fuck me.’ He groaned internally.
With that he briskly stepped forward, his boots clunking against the pavement. He swing open the silver door, the loud bell above the door ringing, announcing his entrance to the two other people in the store. The bright fluorescent lights of Mario’s assaulted his senses, over stimulating to the highest degree.
“You’re late for these orders, y'know.” The blonde man, who was sat on an green stool behind the counter's, voice rang out as he gestured to the stack of 3 boxes of pizza that sat on the counter next to him. Joseph’s looked up at him, the new hire, Caesar. His smug face hadn’t looked up from his book yet, looking increasingly petulant. Caesar was an enigma. Blonde, blue eyes, lean, dare Joseph say...attractive. He was the exact archetype of haughty douchebag, should be womanizer. Yet despite this, he was a religious freak, the pilgrims would've thought his family were extremists, well maybe not the pilgrims, maybe the pope cause he’s Catholic and all. A fact he makes sure everyone knows. Oh and he dresses like a total square, he may as well leave the house in a chastity belt. A smile pulled at the corners of Joseph’s mouth at the mental image of that.
Joseph was to tired to think of a witty rebuttal or an excuse as to why he was late at the moment, he grunted in response and sulked over to the pizza. Doing so he looked at Caesar, locking eyes with the blonde just for a second, that second was enough to make Caesar get this nervous look in his eyes and quickly avert them back to his book.
There was a pause for a moment as Joseph put his delivery bag on the grey counter and started filling it with the pizza. Caesar sighed, seemingly regaining his composure after the awkward exchange of eye contact, he feigned a snort. “You know guys aren’t meant to be wearing that much eyeliner- or any for that matter.” He sneered, in a way that Joseph could tell wasn't meant to be playful, but actually bitter and mean. Joseph held his breath, his tired head falling between his arms in mild aggravation. In Caesar’s short time here, he figured out exactly how to push Joseph’s buttons to get him angry. And no one else they worked with dare to say anything to stop Cesar from being an ass, he got the vibe that none of the guys here really cared for Joseph, probably because of how he dressed, or the music he listened to, or the way he did his hair, or the piercings in his face.
Joseph's glance lingered on Caesar in a way he could tell was making him nervous, his eyes continued searching him, taking a mental inventory as he loaded up his next 3 orders into the bag. He slung the now full bag over his shoulder, making painful eye contact with Cesar all the while. He found with the goth "look" he had, it was so easy to make people around uncomfortable. All you had to do was make forcible eye contact. It was something Joseph loved doing.
“H-hello?” Caesar said, trying to sound indignant, though the anxiety wasn’t fully masked as his voice tremored slightly. “Are you gonna say something or what?” The blonde tried to return Joseph’s inescapable eye contact but his green eyes kept darting away every few seconds, cute, it made Joseph want to giggle like a girl.
Just as Joseph was about to turn and leave he locked onto the necklace around Cesar’s neck, a slim silver chain with a cross hanging from the middle between his pale collar bones.
“so hypocritical” Joseph tsked and rolled his eyes. He did really hate Caesar's type, growing up different looking in a small town had him very familiar with Bible thumpers.
Joseph made a finger cross towards the blonde his fingerless gloves being shown off fully. “I thought Jesus taught love.” He said a stale laugh escaping him before he turned his heel away, walking out of the store, giving him a little obnoxious wave.
The door of Mario’s shut quickly behind him, he glanced back at Caesar through the window from outside. What looked like a little embarrassed and stunned look was plastered across his face. Before he saw Joseph looking at him, then it was replaced with his usual scowl, pointed directly at the brunette.
Joseph paused, staring down at his feet for just a moment.
‘I kinda feel bad for him. People that religious and uptight are usually like superrr repressed.’ Joseph glanced once more inside, his train of thought hopelessly derailing, Caesar had now returned to his book.
Joseph studied the way the light caught Caesar’s face.
Despite how harsh the fluorescent was, it illuminated him in an very flattering way, a way it doesn’t to most people. In that moment Joseph felt his chest weaken, as he stared on, like this he looked so…so…the thought died before it could be formed completely.
Caesar glanced up at him from his book, his face transformed from neutrality to scorn.
A pale hand extended from underneath the counter, motioning to wave Joseph on. The milky paleness of his skin punctuated by the black and red Mario’s uniform he was wearing.
Joseph caught himself, he stumbled a little before trudging on through the parking lot towards his grey 1990 Ford Fiesta.
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Caesar, looked intently out the window as the grey car started to pull out of the parking lot. His hands were sweaty as he held his book, the paper dampening underneath his finger tips. He mindlessly flipped a page, not even reading any more. His heart was thumping loudly. Talking to Joseph always made him nervous in a way he couldn’t quite pin point. His heart flitted inside his ribcage like it was trying to escape out of his chest.
Caesar took a breath and tucked a lock of blonde behind his left ear. He assumed it was because of how he looked, no one should leave the house like that. It’s abhorrent. Caesar smiled a little at his mental description of Joseph.
It was slow, like it always ways on weekday nights. His job was to sit at the front and take orders, head to the kitchen to help out when it got busy, but it never did. Everything felt slow now. This place was a dead end, and Caesar knew that.
The grey fords taillights finally disappeared as it turned the corner down the street. Out of sight, out of mind.
Suddenly, the guy working in the kitchen chirps up behind Caesar.
“Man that guys such a fucking weirdo, you know I oughta tell him off next time he bothers you.” The guy behind Caesar sighs into a laugh. “I don’t know how he hasn't been fired yet honestly.” The man behind him chuckles stupidly. "Never shows up on time.." Caesar forces himself to laugh and nod to, it’s what he thought was right. Though, he felt his skin crawl as a fake laugh left his lips. “Yeah I know” Caesar murmurs, eyes darting back to his book.
His unnamed co-worker (Cesar never bothered to learn his name, he wasn’t the best at talking to people he didn’t know.) Grabbed Caesars shoulder, looking to see what he was reading. “still reading this faggy shit?” The man looking over him questioned in a jokey way.
Cesar just laughed, he opened his mouth to try and think of an excuse, a joke, something but nothing came. He stammered for a moment and looked down at his copy of The Bell Jar, he love to read, and he loved poetry and adored Sylvia Plath. Still he wouldn’t defend it someone who wouldn’t understand. Shrugging his shoulders as his only response.
His co-worker walked off, a douchey laugh leaving his mouth without another thought, back to the kitchen leaving Caesar alone in his thoughts.
Maybe it was faggy, maybe he shouldn’t partake.
Caesar sighed, closing the book the monochromatic blue and pink cover looking back up at him. He sighed under his breath, maybe it was.
Silence befell the small storefront. The only noise besides the hum of the fluorescent lights was from a radio playing some shitty top 40s station way in the back room.
Caesar started to relax a little, setting down his book on the counter in favor for his thoughts. His mind started to wander as he rested his head against his arm.
Thoughts of a certain messy brown haired individual protruded to the front of his mind. He gazed out the window, eyes glazing over as Caesar got lost in thought. A feeling caught in his chest, a feeling that made him feel hollow and full all at once it was a feeling that wasn’t unfamiliar to him. But feeling like this, thinking of Joseph of all people, that was something new. It’s something he caught himself thinking, worrying, obsessing about more and more. Since he started working at Mario’s, since he met Joseph. He didn’t know why he felt like this. It didn’t feel healthy. It felt right and wrong at the same time, like his wants were pulling him in opposite directions.
Caesar leaned back on his stool, looking up at the white plain ceiling, shaking his head like an Etch a Sketch, trying to rid the thoughts from his brain.
But they wouldn’t go.
Caesar knew he was in over his head.
He knew this was going to be a problem for him, no matter how much he wanted to deny it.
The phone sitting on the counter rang, pulling Caesar from his thoughts briefly as he picked up the receiver and started jotting down an order.
Even doing menial tasks like this,
they wouldn’t go.
Chapter 2: Mystery To Me
Summary:
Caesar and Joseph both struggle internally with the thought of each other...just in very different ways.
Enjoy!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Joseph’s eyes snapped open, the brunette awoke inexplicably startled, jolting straight up in bed. And he was greeted with…His bedroom, poster filled and messy, the same as when he fell asleep only a couple hours earlier. He sighed and slumped back down into his sheets. It’s dark, especially so, there was no street light, no moonlight, nothing coming in through his window from outside. A whimper escaped Joseph as his eyes darted around his darkened bedroom. He felt stuck to the bed, helpless, yet for some reason his cock was straining against his pajama pants.
“What the fuck...” He groaned, shifting in bed uncomfortably, it suddenly feeling very hot.
His whole body ached with need. He sighed, feeling dazed. Time felt like it was moving too fast and too slow all at once, a blur, like he was super wasted.
Joseph blinked, what should’ve been quickly but it felt like it took forever for his tired eyes to open again, when he did he jumped back a little.
A man was straddling his hips, a man who was wearing absolutely nothing at all. ‘What the fuck!’ Joseph tried to say but nothing came out, instead his mouth hung open stupidly. The man was long, blonde and pale, shockingly so, though it added to his beauty. The man’s blonde hair fell down to the nape of his neck, it was overgrown, but Jesus it made him look good.
Joseph tried to get a look at his face but it was cast in shadow from the blonde locks covering his face. His dick still twitched, desperately needing to be touched, despite not being able to see all of him.
Pale hands worked over Joseph’s own sun kissed tan skin, creeping ever lower. Fingertips worked delicately over his stomach, reaching down for his waistband, which was tugged down in one precise movement, letting his leaking cock spring free. Joseph moaned as the man on top of him straddled and grinded down on him, rubbing both of their cocks together, making a perfect sticky mess of precum.
Joseph’s eyes rolled back and he groaned as he bucked up into the much wanted touch. Joseph reached up, grabbing the man’s hips, guiding them down, blinded by his own need. He felt himself getting closer, for the first time he locked eyes with the man above him, his pale face miraculously not covered in shadow any longer. Behind the blonde bangs, dark murky green eyes met his own. He immediately recognized the all too familiar face.
His eyes widened, taken very much aback.
“C-Caesar?” he gasped and then-
Joseph sprung up in his bed as his alarm filled the room with its irritatingly loud ringing. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, the shock over taking him dying down as he started to wake up, relief washed over him as he realized it was all just a dream. Joseph collapsed back in bed, taking a moment and staring up at the ugly popcorn ceiling above him trying to collect his thoughts. Ever so slightly, longing filled him. His cheeks flushed crimson.
It…it felt good. Too good. He felt more than a little disappointed that it was just a dream. Noting that, he bit back the urge to jerk off properly. Deciding it was definitely mortally reprehensible to jerk off to your Catholic coworker.
For the record, he didn’t care that liking that made him gay. He cared that he could possibly be gay for Caesar of all people. He sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Knocking befell his door, shocking him out of that awful train of thought.
“Joseph, come on!” His mother chided while rapping on the door. “I know you have work in a couple hours, you need to get up.”
Joseph sighed, stretching as he sat up. He glanced at his little alarm clock, it was 3pm already. He just woke up and it felt like the day was wasted all ready. It always felt like that after a late shift. And he had 3 in a row this week.
‘What am I doing with my life man…’ Joseph grumbled internally. A weird guilty feeling took hold of him, exacerbated by the dream and subsequent thoughts he just had.
“Jesus I’m up!” he shouted back at his mother. He felt the urge to lounge in bed for a while longer. But for once he decided to fight that. Maybe to bury any more homosexual tendencies for the time being. Stretching and sitting up, before standing.
He walked over to his tall CD shelf, he studied his options before picking The Cure’s Pornography. ‘Who can even get ready without music?’ he smiled a little. Excited thinking about what to wear today. He slipped it into his CD player, the machine whirred and the CD skipped a few times before it started. Joseph then turned his focus to getting ready.
He had a date before work after all.
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
Caesar laid in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, bored. He always woke up before his alarm, no matter what he did. It was infuriating. These were the quietest moments of the day for him. He glanced out the window, it was mid-day. It was definitely sloth to sleep in this late in the day, even if he was working late the night before. Shame always managed to ebb its way around him, ensnare and take control of his day, usually it wasn’t this early.
Caesar rolled over onto his side, facing the window in his bedroom. The sunlight peeked through the gap in the curtains, he could only make out a couple finches of a dark branch swaying in the cool autumnal wind. He closed his eyes, letting his thoughts run wild.
Caesar couldn’t stop thinking about last night. For some reason, he was…embarrassed? No, that's not quite right. Ashamed? Ashamed, of how he treated Joseph. He couldn’t understand why, it’s not like this wasn’t normal for him.
Every time he thought back to how harshly he treated Joseph he cringed. He wanted to bury his face in a pillow and die. He glanced at the stack of books on his nightstand, maybe it was stupid he liked to read so much.
Something his family wasn’t afraid to let him know, constantly commenting on how he needs to stop chasing things that aren’t real, to focus on finding a job, a career, a girl to marry. but did that make him a fag? Caesar wrestled with the thought, he felt himself only grow more frustrated.
Caesar had always known something was up with him in…that department. Something he tried to hide with excessive ‘womanizing' in high school. For years he had been telling himself that this was a phase. That it was going to pass. And surprise, surprise…nothing ever changes.
He never called it being gay, he just referred to the topic of his attraction to men as ‘it'. Trying to distance himself from ‘it’ as much as he possibly could. Running from his own thoughts and desires.
He pulled the blanket over his head, submerging himself in darkness. Lost in a pool of thought, something new veered it’s ugly head out of the water, jealousy. He was jealous of Joseph. Everything seemed to come so easily to him. He was jealous that he could do whatever he wanted. He was jealous he could dress like that and not feel shame.
In high school he always heard rumors that Joseph was gay, something he never came out and denied. Caesar was jealous that people could make that assumption about Joseph and he…just didn’t care.
Caesar grabbed a pillow, holding it to his chest. Tears slipped from his eyes, his beautiful face contorting into an ugly strained mess and he tried his hardest to make no noise. He whimpered, strained noises escaping him. 'It’s wrong for men to cry like this.’ Caesar repeated in his head like a mantra, trying to snap himself out of it.
His alarm broke the dramatic scene, the loud ringing filling the room, putting a small pause on the suffocating shame he was feeling. Caesar quickly turned it off and after a moment sat up.
He rubbed his face, and sighed. ‘I have a few hours before work, I need to distract myself'.’ Caesar thought, trying to pull himself together. A trip to his favourite café sounds good right about now. After another 15 minutes of silence and pondering he finally sat up out of bed. The shame still following him as he started getting ready.
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
Caesar walked briskly down the cracked sidewalks, his shift started at 6 today, so he still had at least two hours to kill before that. He grimmaced at the thought of returning to that disgusting-ugly-probably asbestos filled excuse for a restaurant. Caesar turned the corner onto Mapleview Ave, his favourite spot in the town; a quaint café, nestled gently between a run-down hardware store, and a small one room antique bookstore.
From Caesar's mouth escaped a sigh of relief, being here always seemed to ease him. He paused and breathed. Trying to enjoy the atmosphere around him. This sickly seaside town could be beautiful this time of year. But shame still bogged him down, going outside sometimes felt like he was being stared at, gawked at constantly, no matter what he did. Like everyone knew exactly what he was hiding. Though in reality, no one paid him any mind, still Caesar was convinced otherwise.
So he trudged on, determined to erase the feeling no matter what.
It was uncomfortably cold out at the moment. The majority of the leaves had since turn, few of which starting to fall. Caesar can't remember the last time a September was this cold. It felt like the warmth summer brought had forever ago, a distant memory, though in actuality it had been just about a month. He walked up the storefront, pulling on the handle, the bell above the door rung out as he did.
Caesar made a b-line for the counter, ready to order his favourite: a simple chai latte, extra sweetener of course. Caesar ordered, and turned up the music on his Walkman as he waited, a little impatiently, tapping his foot as he did. Fleetwood Mac was often the soundtrack to his days. He brought his cassette of ‘Mystery To Me' today. ‘Emerald Eyes' (one of his all time favourite songs.) Blaring over the small headphones that fit snugly around his head.
Finnaly he got his tea, in a warm paper cup that fit nicely against his hand. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Everything was perfect right now...until it wasn’t.
Caesar turned around, heading for a seat, he wanted his usual spot by the window but people were sitting there right now. He huffed a little and furrowed his brow before he got a look of who was there. Stopping in his tracks completely.
Joseph. The single thing he was trying to avoid for a few hours. And we he was sitting across from some dumb-blonde. Caesar felt his heart drop, feeling a little flustered at the same time.
He stiffened and tried to regain his composure, sitting at the table diagonally behind Joseph, out of his line of sight. The way he was situated he was facing the girl Joseph was with. And she was not someone who he had ever expected to see with the 'goth.’ Typical. Ditzy. Definitely obnoxiously stupid.
He cracked open the book he brought with him. Though he wasn’t reading as much as he was just occasionally glancing at the page. His eyes glazed over, not consuming any information. His real attention was focused to the back of Joseph's head. A passive angle he’s never gotten the privilege to study before. His messy dark brown hair sprouted from the back of his neck. This new ‘intimate' view feeling illegal to see.
He snapped at himself. No respectable Christian would think of a man like Joseph like that. And just as he was caught up trying to displace such thoughts, the blonde sitting across from Joseph caught his eye one too many times. Caesar watched in dread as she leaned over the table, whispering to Joseph, while catching glances at Caesar.
He now felt like the biggest pervert in the American North East.
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
“Hey, that blonde dude behind you is staring at us.”
Joseph scoffed a little. Being stared at in public, especially in this town was nothing to him. It happened every time he went outside. “This is supposed to surprise me?” he sighed, playing with and spinning his nostril ring idly, something he so often did out of habit.
Suzi giggled a little, taking a sip of whatever frilly latte she ordered. “well I guess not, but it’s been like 5 minutes and every time I look up he’s looking at you.”
Joseph gave in and tried to as casually as possible glance behind him. Which he was met with someone…unexpected to say the least. His eyes were met with the object of his dream earlier. Caesar. Who yes was staring at the two of them, or more accurately the back of Joseph's head.
The blonde's gaze never quite reaching Suzi, it was clear who caught his attention. Caesar had an unreadable expression on his face. His lips parted slightly, pursed almost, he looked frustrated maybe?
Joseph raised his hand and forced a shy smile on his face, trying to greet him. But as soon as Caesar caught Joseph's eyes on him, they darted back to his book. And after this morning, it felt like seeing a ghost.
Joseph turned back to Suzi. “What a weirdo.” Joseph snorted, trying to fake his amusement.
“Yeah, that’s Caesar, work with him.” Joseph grumbled a little. “Religious type, the usual piece of shit.”
“Wouldn’t expect him to be the type to stalk me on my day off.” Joseph felt cruel saying that, but it's not like Caesar didn’t deserve it. Though maybe he said that a little too loudly. But hey it’s not untrue.
Suzi tried to hush him, a little embarrassed by how loud Joseph was being. And before he knew it, he heard scuffling behind him. He took another glance back to see Caesar packing up his things, book tucked hastily under his shoulder. And storming hurriedly out the door of the café. The bell above the door punctuating his leave.
Joseph was never one to feign his opinion but, for some reason he felt bad. Something he chalked up to lingering guilt from this morning. “I should go say sorry…shouldn't I?” Joseph looked out the window, watching as Caesar strode in a hurry down the street.
Notes:
Caesar most definitely listens to prog/psychedelic/classic rock, at least in this story. Ugh I love head canoning music taste.
Think I might start naming chapters after thematically appropriate albums/songs. Cause I'm a sucker for a good music rec and i feel it helps build the vibe of the story in a very easy way!
So do yourself a favor and listen to both Emerald Eyes and Hypnotized off Mystery To Me. You won't regret it :)