Chapter Text
Joseph’s eyes snapped open, the brunette awoke inexplicably startled, jolting straight up in bed. And he was greeted with…His bedroom, poster filled and messy, the same as when he fell asleep only a couple hours earlier. He sighed and slumped back down into his sheets. It’s dark, especially so, there was no street light, no moonlight, nothing coming in through his window from outside. A whimper escaped Joseph as his eyes darted around his darkened bedroom. He felt stuck to the bed, helpless, yet for some reason his cock was straining against his pajama pants.
“What the fuck...” He groaned, shifting in bed uncomfortably, it suddenly feeling very hot.
His whole body ached with need. He sighed, feeling dazed. Time felt like it was moving too fast and too slow all at once, a blur, like he was super wasted.
Joseph blinked, what should’ve been quickly but it felt like it took forever for his tired eyes to open again, when he did he jumped back a little.
A man was straddling his hips, a man who was wearing absolutely nothing at all. ‘What the fuck!’ Joseph tried to say but nothing came out, instead his mouth hung open stupidly. The man was long, blonde and pale, shockingly so, though it added to his beauty. The man’s blonde hair fell down to the nape of his neck, it was overgrown, but Jesus it made him look good.
Joseph tried to get a look at his face but it was cast in shadow from the blonde locks covering his face. His dick still twitched, desperately needing to be touched, despite not being able to see all of him.
Pale hands worked over Joseph’s own sun kissed tan skin, creeping ever lower. Fingertips worked delicately over his stomach, reaching down for his waistband, which was tugged down in one precise movement, letting his leaking cock spring free. Joseph moaned as the man on top of him straddled and grinded down on him, rubbing both of their cocks together, making a perfect sticky mess of precum.
Joseph’s eyes rolled back and he groaned as he bucked up into the much wanted touch. Joseph reached up, grabbing the man’s hips, guiding them down, blinded by his own need. He felt himself getting closer, for the first time he locked eyes with the man above him, his pale face miraculously not covered in shadow any longer. Behind the blonde bangs, dark murky green eyes met his own. He immediately recognized the all too familiar face.
His eyes widened, taken very much aback.
“C-Caesar?” he gasped and then-
Joseph sprung up in his bed as his alarm filled the room with its irritatingly loud ringing. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, the shock over taking him dying down as he started to wake up, relief washed over him as he realized it was all just a dream. Joseph collapsed back in bed, taking a moment and staring up at the ugly popcorn ceiling above him trying to collect his thoughts. Ever so slightly, longing filled him. His cheeks flushed crimson.
It…it felt good. Too good. He felt more than a little disappointed that it was just a dream. Noting that, he bit back the urge to jerk off properly. Deciding it was definitely mortally reprehensible to jerk off to your Catholic coworker.
For the record, he didn’t care that liking that made him gay. He cared that he could possibly be gay for Caesar of all people. He sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Knocking befell his door, shocking him out of that awful train of thought.
“Joseph, come on!” His mother chided while rapping on the door. “I know you have work in a couple hours, you need to get up.”
Joseph sighed, stretching as he sat up. He glanced at his little alarm clock, it was 3pm already. He just woke up and it felt like the day was wasted all ready. It always felt like that after a late shift. And he had 3 in a row this week.
‘What am I doing with my life man…’ Joseph grumbled internally. A weird guilty feeling took hold of him, exacerbated by the dream and subsequent thoughts he just had.
“Jesus I’m up!” he shouted back at his mother. He felt the urge to lounge in bed for a while longer. But for once he decided to fight that. Maybe to bury any more homosexual tendencies for the time being. Stretching and sitting up, before standing.
He walked over to his tall CD shelf, he studied his options before picking The Cure’s Pornography. ‘Who can even get ready without music?’ he smiled a little. Excited thinking about what to wear today. He slipped it into his CD player, the machine whirred and the CD skipped a few times before it started. Joseph then turned his focus to getting ready.
He had a date before work after all.
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Caesar laid in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, bored. He always woke up before his alarm, no matter what he did. It was infuriating. These were the quietest moments of the day for him. He glanced out the window, it was mid-day. It was definitely sloth to sleep in this late in the day, even if he was working late the night before. Shame always managed to ebb its way around him, ensnare and take control of his day, usually it wasn’t this early.
Caesar rolled over onto his side, facing the window in his bedroom. The sunlight peeked through the gap in the curtains, he could only make out a couple finches of a dark branch swaying in the cool autumnal wind. He closed his eyes, letting his thoughts run wild.
Caesar couldn’t stop thinking about last night. For some reason, he was…embarrassed? No, that's not quite right. Ashamed? Ashamed, of how he treated Joseph. He couldn’t understand why, it’s not like this wasn’t normal for him.
Every time he thought back to how harshly he treated Joseph he cringed. He wanted to bury his face in a pillow and die. He glanced at the stack of books on his nightstand, maybe it was stupid he liked to read so much.
Something his family wasn’t afraid to let him know, constantly commenting on how he needs to stop chasing things that aren’t real, to focus on finding a job, a career, a girl to marry. but did that make him a fag? Caesar wrestled with the thought, he felt himself only grow more frustrated.
Caesar had always known something was up with him in…that department. Something he tried to hide with excessive ‘womanizing' in high school. For years he had been telling himself that this was a phase. That it was going to pass. And surprise, surprise…nothing ever changes.
He never called it being gay, he just referred to the topic of his attraction to men as ‘it'. Trying to distance himself from ‘it’ as much as he possibly could. Running from his own thoughts and desires.
He pulled the blanket over his head, submerging himself in darkness. Lost in a pool of thought, something new veered it’s ugly head out of the water, jealousy. He was jealous of Joseph. Everything seemed to come so easily to him. He was jealous that he could do whatever he wanted. He was jealous he could dress like that and not feel shame.
In high school he always heard rumors that Joseph was gay, something he never came out and denied. Caesar was jealous that people could make that assumption about Joseph and he…just didn’t care.
Caesar grabbed a pillow, holding it to his chest. Tears slipped from his eyes, his beautiful face contorting into an ugly strained mess and he tried his hardest to make no noise. He whimpered, strained noises escaping him. 'It’s wrong for men to cry like this.’ Caesar repeated in his head like a mantra, trying to snap himself out of it.
His alarm broke the dramatic scene, the loud ringing filling the room, putting a small pause on the suffocating shame he was feeling. Caesar quickly turned it off and after a moment sat up.
He rubbed his face, and sighed. ‘I have a few hours before work, I need to distract myself'.’ Caesar thought, trying to pull himself together. A trip to his favourite café sounds good right about now. After another 15 minutes of silence and pondering he finally sat up out of bed. The shame still following him as he started getting ready.
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
Caesar walked briskly down the cracked sidewalks, his shift started at 6 today, so he still had at least two hours to kill before that. He grimmaced at the thought of returning to that disgusting-ugly-probably asbestos filled excuse for a restaurant. Caesar turned the corner onto Mapleview Ave, his favourite spot in the town; a quaint café, nestled gently between a run-down hardware store, and a small one room antique bookstore.
From Caesar's mouth escaped a sigh of relief, being here always seemed to ease him. He paused and breathed. Trying to enjoy the atmosphere around him. This sickly seaside town could be beautiful this time of year. But shame still bogged him down, going outside sometimes felt like he was being stared at, gawked at constantly, no matter what he did. Like everyone knew exactly what he was hiding. Though in reality, no one paid him any mind, still Caesar was convinced otherwise.
So he trudged on, determined to erase the feeling no matter what.
It was uncomfortably cold out at the moment. The majority of the leaves had since turn, few of which starting to fall. Caesar can't remember the last time a September was this cold. It felt like the warmth summer brought had forever ago, a distant memory, though in actuality it had been just about a month. He walked up the storefront, pulling on the handle, the bell above the door rung out as he did.
Caesar made a b-line for the counter, ready to order his favourite: a simple chai latte, extra sweetener of course. Caesar ordered, and turned up the music on his Walkman as he waited, a little impatiently, tapping his foot as he did. Fleetwood Mac was often the soundtrack to his days. He brought his cassette of ‘Mystery To Me' today. ‘Emerald Eyes' (one of his all time favourite songs.) Blaring over the small headphones that fit snugly around his head.
Finnaly he got his tea, in a warm paper cup that fit nicely against his hand. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Everything was perfect right now...until it wasn’t.
Caesar turned around, heading for a seat, he wanted his usual spot by the window but people were sitting there right now. He huffed a little and furrowed his brow before he got a look of who was there. Stopping in his tracks completely.
Joseph. The single thing he was trying to avoid for a few hours. And we he was sitting across from some dumb-blonde. Caesar felt his heart drop, feeling a little flustered at the same time.
He stiffened and tried to regain his composure, sitting at the table diagonally behind Joseph, out of his line of sight. The way he was situated he was facing the girl Joseph was with. And she was not someone who he had ever expected to see with the 'goth.’ Typical. Ditzy. Definitely obnoxiously stupid.
He cracked open the book he brought with him. Though he wasn’t reading as much as he was just occasionally glancing at the page. His eyes glazed over, not consuming any information. His real attention was focused to the back of Joseph's head. A passive angle he’s never gotten the privilege to study before. His messy dark brown hair sprouted from the back of his neck. This new ‘intimate' view feeling illegal to see.
He snapped at himself. No respectable Christian would think of a man like Joseph like that. And just as he was caught up trying to displace such thoughts, the blonde sitting across from Joseph caught his eye one too many times. Caesar watched in dread as she leaned over the table, whispering to Joseph, while catching glances at Caesar.
He now felt like the biggest pervert in the American North East.
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
“Hey, that blonde dude behind you is staring at us.”
Joseph scoffed a little. Being stared at in public, especially in this town was nothing to him. It happened every time he went outside. “This is supposed to surprise me?” he sighed, playing with and spinning his nostril ring idly, something he so often did out of habit.
Suzi giggled a little, taking a sip of whatever frilly latte she ordered. “well I guess not, but it’s been like 5 minutes and every time I look up he’s looking at you.”
Joseph gave in and tried to as casually as possible glance behind him. Which he was met with someone…unexpected to say the least. His eyes were met with the object of his dream earlier. Caesar. Who yes was staring at the two of them, or more accurately the back of Joseph's head.
The blonde's gaze never quite reaching Suzi, it was clear who caught his attention. Caesar had an unreadable expression on his face. His lips parted slightly, pursed almost, he looked frustrated maybe?
Joseph raised his hand and forced a shy smile on his face, trying to greet him. But as soon as Caesar caught Joseph's eyes on him, they darted back to his book. And after this morning, it felt like seeing a ghost.
Joseph turned back to Suzi. “What a weirdo.” Joseph snorted, trying to fake his amusement.
“Yeah, that’s Caesar, work with him.” Joseph grumbled a little. “Religious type, the usual piece of shit.”
“Wouldn’t expect him to be the type to stalk me on my day off.” Joseph felt cruel saying that, but it's not like Caesar didn’t deserve it. Though maybe he said that a little too loudly. But hey it’s not untrue.
Suzi tried to hush him, a little embarrassed by how loud Joseph was being. And before he knew it, he heard scuffling behind him. He took another glance back to see Caesar packing up his things, book tucked hastily under his shoulder. And storming hurriedly out the door of the café. The bell above the door punctuating his leave.
Joseph was never one to feign his opinion but, for some reason he felt bad. Something he chalked up to lingering guilt from this morning. “I should go say sorry…shouldn't I?” Joseph looked out the window, watching as Caesar strode in a hurry down the street.