Chapter 1: Does she know?
Chapter Text
“I’m gonna do it. I’m really gonna do it! Today is the day! I will tell her. I WILL tell her! I WILL-”
“You ok, Nelly?”
“I’M A COWARD!”
Dess didn’t react to her little sister’s outburst. Noelle has always been this way, and honestly she’s glad that something is still as she remembers it.
The two deer were at the graveyard on a crisp autumn morning. Most of the trees had lost their foliage and decorated the grass with warm coloured leaves, a nice contrast to the chill in the air.
Dess sat down next to Noelle on the bench and held her sister close. She just needed a moment to collect herself.
“Dess… I want to tell Susie about how I feel.” Noelle finally admitted.
“About what?” Dess raised an eyebrow.
“Wh-that I love her!” Noelle cried out in disbelief.
“Um… why is telling your girlfriend that you love her so difficult?” Dess chuckled a bit, only to pause at Noelle’s confused expression.
“Susie isn’t my girlfriend… not yet anyway…” Noelle muttered.
“WHAT?! But I thought, with how much you two hang out…” Asriel spluttered in disbelief next to Kris in their shared bedroom.
“I know, it’s just… Susie can be really, really dense sometimes.” Kris admitted bashfully, a light blush dusting their cheeks.
“Well, I don’t think you have much to worry about, Kris. You’re already great friends with her, and you literally saved the world together! If watching anime with Dess has taught me anything-
-it’s that saving the world with someone is a surefire way to get them to like you!” Dess explained with a bit of pride bubbling in her chest. The sort of pride only a big sibling can feel.
“Fair enough,” Noelle was now blushing furiously at being reminded of Susie’s dark world form, with her big, muscular arms on full display, “but there’s still one small issue…”
“Noelle? Why would she be a problem?”
“Because I’m pretty sure Susie likes her, Azzy.” Kris murmured more quietly than usual.
“Do you know that for a fact, Kris?”
“Well, no, but with how close those two get…” Kris trailed off, preferring not to finish that thought.
“How close Susie and Noelle get? Remind me again, when you told me about the Dark World in our house, wasn’t it you who Susie asked to taste her hair?”
“SHUT???? THE HECK UP???????” Noelle squealed as her nose glowed a bright, blinding red.
“C’mon Nelly, just shoot your shot! And if she says no, then you’ll still be friends. None of that ‘I don’t wanna ruin our friendship’ talk, world saving buddies don’t get to do that.”
“Ok. Thanks Azzy. Also sorry for punching you in the nose.”
“It’s ogay Gris, not the firbst tibe. In fact, I thibk I’m growing an immunity.”
The next day at school, Noelle felt ready. She’d bought some flowers from Flower King (which Asgore tried to give her for free, but thankfully Dess forced him to accept payment), she had brushed her hair thoroughly, and she put on her best Christmas jumper. It was lunch break, and Susie was by her locker munching on some chalk she stole from class earlier. Noelle steeled herself, took a step forward, and-
“Oof!”
Bumped into Kris.
“Oh, I’m sorry Kris, I didn’t see you there! W-wow, you look…”
Kris’ usual messy mop of hair was tidied up and slicked back, the ends tied into a short ponytail. This made one of their piercing red eyes visible. Their usual sweater looked far nicer with a collar sewn into it, and tie completing the look. To round it all off, they wore a fancy tutu over a pair of very nice trousers.
It certainly was…
A look.
“You were gonna say fabulous, right?” Kris mumbled. It was weird seeing their eyes this clearly.
“Y-yeah! Yes! Definitely! May… may I ask why?” Noelle tilted her head. Kris was always weird, it was why they and Noelle even liked each other, but this was… unusual, even by Kris standards.
“Well…” Kris muttered, and-
Woah.
Kris blushed. That was…
Noelle found that weirder than her own sister becoming the harbinger of the apocalypse.
When Kris glanced at Susie, however, all of Noelle’s thoughts stopped, along with her heart.
“Kris.”
The human stared back at her.
“Are you trying to ask Susie out?”
Kris shivered, feeling frost crawling up their spide.
They took a step back.
She took a step forward.
Kris made a mad dash towards Susie, but Noelle pounced and pinned them on the ground. Kris grabbed her by the antlers and pulled, but Noelle wasn’t deterred-Kris did that to her too often in the past for it to be effective now-and the reindeer wrapped her hands around the human’s scrawny neck.
Kris then smacked Noelle on the nose, making it light up with a HONK! They scrambled back to their feet and rushed towards Susie. Noelle smacked her nose again to make it turn off, and tried to follow Kris, except…
“Susan, my brutish sweetheart! I, your handsome but extremely humble suitor, ask for your hand in not-yet-marriage. Would you… like to play Super Smashing Fighters with me?”
Susie stared at Berdly for a solid 10 seconds. She slowly opened her locker door so that it covered the bird’s face from view, then backed away carefully, eventually hopping into the storage closet leading to Castle Town.
Kris and Noelle both breathed a sigh of relief, but the peace didn’t last long before Berdly spotted the two.
“Kris! Noelle! By your fancy attire, I presume you’ve both worked up the courage to ask me out, but by your dishevelled appearances I also deduce that you two just fought over the honours of courting me. Alas, both of your struggles were in vain, for my heart already belongs to Susie, and hers to mine!”
Kris and Noelle stared at Berdly.
Kris and Noelle stared at each other.
Kris and Noelle nodded at each other.
Berdly suddenly felt very, very cold.
“I’m tellin’ you, Ral, everyone’s acting weird today.” Susie grumbled to Ralsei as she munched on more cake. Colour Café had just added some outdoor tables recently, which is where Susie and Ralsei sat together.
“Weird how, Susie?” Ralsei asked as he gently set his tea down.
“Well, first of all Kris and Noelle show up to school dressed up all weird. Not like, bad weird, in fact they both looked pretty good, but… it’s not like there’s a special occasion or anything.”
Ralsei nodded, thinking about why this could be. He didn’t know Noelle well enough to come to a conclusion, but he knew Kris… he knew that Kris was very unpredictable and therefore could have dressed up for literally any reason. Darn.
“Then they both looked like they wanted to say something to me earlier, but then they saw each other and started fighting? Not weird by Kris standards, but I mean… it’s Noelle.”
Now Ralsei knew for a fact something was up. One thing that was consistent with Kris was their protectiveness of Noelle, they’d always feared the idea of being forced to hurt her. What could have possibly prompted the human and deer to brawl in the middle of the school? Ralsei took another sip of tea as he racked his brain.
“And then Berdly walked up to me and asked me to marry him or something.” Susie flinched when Ralsei spat his tea out in surprise.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry Susie, here, let me just-” Ralsei tried to dry Susie’s face with a napkin, but she stopped him and did it herself.
“Nah, it’s cool. Fair after all the times I did it to you on purpose.” Susie chuckled, and Ralsei joined in after a second. A short silence overcame the two before Ralsei cleared his throat.
“What… what did you say?” Ralsei asked before burying his reddened cheeks in his scarf.
“Well, I didn’t say anything, I just kinda backed off. No way I’m touching Berdly, you kidding me?!” Susie chuckled again in disbelief, shoving the rest of her cake (and the plate) in her mouth.
Ralsei sighed. He finished his tea and set his cup down, then steeled himself before looking Susie in the eye.
“Susie.”
“Yeah?”
“I like you.”
A pause.
“Ok?”
Ralsei sweatdropped.
“D-do you… d-d-do you li-like me b-back?”
“Obviously dude. We’re friends, friends are kinda supposed to like each other, right?”
“Right.” Ralsei sighed in disappointment, though Susie couldn’t possibly tell what suddenly had the fluffy prince so dejected.
“Sorry Ral, I probably gotta get to class now. Promise I’ll come back after school so we can do something fun, ‘kay?” Susie said as she got up and left some Dark Dollars on the table.
“Alright, see you later Susie!” Ralsei waved with a little smile on his face. A smile that fell the moment Susie couldn’t see him anymore.
“Excuse me, your highness, is everything alright?” A Swatchling asked as he cleared the table.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. May I have another drink please?”
“Of course, my prince! More tea?”
“No. Something heavier. Much heavier”
“Such as?”
“Milk. Twelve percent.”
It was just as school finished that Kris burst into their dad’s flower shop. Asgore and Asriel, who wanted to help his father run the store, turned to see the upset and scruffed up human.
“Kris? What happened? Did you get hurt?” Asgore asked with concern. Kris didn’t answer, instead buried their face in a bed of flowers and took a deep sniff. The flower king was about to ask Kris what was wrong again, but Asriel decided to whisper the situation to his father instead, a look of understanding dawning on the larger goat.
“Well Kris, feel free to stay here as long as you’d like. Dess is also upstairs if you’d like to-”
“DESS!” Noelle burst into Flower King in tears, startling the Dreemurs. Dess came barrelling down the stairs, embracing her younger sister and helping her calm down.
“Dess! I-I couldn’t-Kris!” Noelle spluttered before she noticed the human glaring at her.
Kris pounced at Noelle, but Asriel saw this coming and preemptively grabbed their human sibling.
“KRIS! How could you?! You know I like Susie! ME! You’re not supposed to like Susie! You told me you found girls icky!” Dess also had to hold back the ranting Noelle.
“Yes! When we were 5! And Susie is the good kind of icky! She checks my hair for mites and fleas!” Kris didn’t yell exactly, but they spoke the loudest anyone ever heard them.
“I’LL GIVE YOU MITES AND FLEAS!” The two younger siblings struggled to break free of their respective older siblings’ grips.
“BOTH OF YOU STOP!” Dess finally had enough, her outburst making Flower King fall silent.
“Now, can you tell us exactly what happened?” Asriel asked gently, deciding to play good cop.
Neither human nor deer answered. They just kept glaring.
“Did you both try asking out Susie?” Asgore asked, and everyone got their answer when the glares got sharper.
“And knowing you and Kris, you both fought like wild animals. Am I right?” Dess interrogated with a judgementally raised eyebrow.
When neither Noelle nor Kris spoke, Dess looked pleadingly at Asriel. Asriel turned his gaze to his father, and Asgore decided to step up.
“Alright. Alright. I can see what the problem is. Both of you are in love with the same person, and you both want to admit your feelings to her, correct?”
Asgore’s confidence grew when the younger children’s eyes finally broke contact and focused on him instead.
“Now, I know what it’s like to be in this position. The jealousy… It's like a fire burning down a field of beautiful flowers. The thought that the one you love could choose another over you…”
Asgore trailed off, a wistful look in his eyes. Asriel took his father’s hand and squeezed it, offering a supportive smile. Asgore took a shaky breath, and continued.
“That is why you must demonstrate how much you love Susie. Then, the choice of who to go out with will be up to her.” Asgore concluded.
Kris and Noelle both gained thoughtful looks. Then, they came to some sort of realisation together.
“So what you’re saying Mr Dreemurr, is that we have to compete for Susie’s love so she’ll have to choose the winner?” Noelle inquired innocently, to the concern of the adults in the room.
“Well, uhm, not exactly…”
“Borrowing these, thanks dad!” Kris nabbed a bouquet of purple flowers and rushed out of the store, Noelle quickly pursuing them.
“Dad, what the heck?!” Asriel snapped, Dess glaring in agreement.
“Um, uh… are either of you hungry?” Asgore smiled nervously as he offered a jar with two pickled eggs in it.
Noelle carefully and lovingly set her lunchbox of chalk on one of the tables near the lake. She then gently placed a kiss on a pink envelope containing a love letter written so well that Gerson Boom himself would be proud of, and set that down on top of the lunchbox.
Noelle heard heavy footsteps again and rushed to hide in the bushes. Susie had taken a liking to hanging out by the lake recently, and there was no way she could resist so much chalk just lying out in the open.
Susie predictably spotted the chalk and chowed down, just as Noelle had hoped. The deer then had to cover her mouth to stop herself from squealing when Susie opened the letter.
Susie had her back to Noelle, so she couldn’t see the purple reptile’s reaction, but she set the letter down and walked to the edge of the lake, then sat down to admire the water.
“Hello Susie.” Noelle managed to not stutter as she sat down next to Susie.
“‘Sup Noelle? Hey, can you believe someone just left a whole giant box of chalk just out in the open?” Susie grinned as she chomped on the last few sticks of chalk.
“Yeah… what luck…” Noelle was a bit concerned and confused now. She definitely signed her letter.
“Was there anything else with the chalk?”
“Just some paper with squiggly lines on it. I think some kid tried to draw the lake or something, I dunno.”
Noelle wanted to facepalm. She had written her letter in cursive to maximise the romanticism, but she didn’t take into account that Susie is just too cool and rebellious to bother learning how to read cursive, let alone write it.
“Kris! Are you quite finished yet?” Toriel knocked on the bathroom door for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Almost! Gimmie another 5 minutes!”
“Kris, you have been in the shower for 50 minutes! If you do not come out now, I will turn off the water!”
Soon, the noise of falling water stopped, and a few thumps could be heard. Eventually, Kris walked out with towels wrapped around their body and hair, and in their hand they clutched their personal bottle of apple shampoo.
“Why on Earth did you spend so long in the shower, Kris?” Before Toriel could properly scold her youngest child, a pair of loud knocks shook the door on its hinges. Kris bolted up the stairs to get dressed while Toriel just huffed and went to open the door.
“Ah, hello Susie! What a pleasant surprise!”
“Uh, hi, Miss Toriel…” Susie fidgeted a bit. Despite everything, she still felt a bit uncomfortable around Toriel after walking in on her on that rainy night.
“Kris is-”
“Right here!” Kris nearly tumbled down the stairs as they pulled the sleeves on their jumper and grabbed Susie’s hand, dragging her to their room.
“Hold on, my child! We still need to talk about your hot water usage!”
“Just give me a moment mom, then you can scold me as much as you want!”
Toriel just facepalmed while Kris yanked Susie into their room and slammed the door shut.
“You ok dude? You seem tense. Is there some serious thing you invited me over to tell me about?” Susie’s concern was interrupted when Kris shoved their hair into her face. It was slightly damp and apple scented.
“I got a new brand. More expensive. Like it?” Kris asked as they held up the expensive shampoo bottle. They promised to pay Asriel back, but everyone with half a brain knew the goat was never seeing that money again.
“Yeah. Smells really good! If you aren’t careful, I may actually eat you this time!” Susie chuckled as she grabbed the shampoo bottle from Kris.
“You can have it if you want.”
“Whu?”
Rather than repeating themself, Kris just pushed the bottle Susie clutched close to her chest.
“You sure? You just told me this was expensive.” Susie inspected the bottle, trying to find a price tag somewhere.
“Sure. I’ll just use mom and Azzy’s, we have like three industrial tubs under the sink.” Kris reassured, doing a rather good job of hiding their blush.
“Heh, check this out, dude!” Susie pointed to a little message Kris carved into the back of the bottle. It simply said ‘I love you’.
“Heh, what a stupid thing to write on a shampoo bottle! Seriously, who gives shampoo as a Valentine's gift?” Susie chuckled loudly, not noticing that when Kris joined her, their laughter was much more awkward and forced.
“What, um… what’s Ralsei up to?” Kris attempted to change the topic to hopefully make this hangout less awkward than it needed to be.
For them, anyway.
“I’unno. I saw him earlier at school, and we ate cake, but when I went back to see him Swatch told me he needed to be left alone.”
“Prince Ralsei, I really do think you’ve had enough!” Swatch insisted with worry as he tried to snatch Ralsei’s glass away. The goat just yanked it away and chugged the rest of its contents.
“I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH! I’M THE-THE GOSH DARN PRINCE OF THE DARK WORLD, AND-AND-”
Ralsei continued to stutter and slur and stumble while everyone else in the café stared in concern.
“Yikes… how much did he drink, anyway?” A Zapper asked his Swatchling colleague.
“Just a single glass of whole milk…”
“Dess, give me the shaver!”
“No, I’m not letting you make the same mistake I did!”
“But I’ve gotta look cool to impress Susie!”
“NO YOU DON’T!”
Dess raising her voice made Noelle freeze. The two sisters were in the Holiday house bathroom, Dess holding the electric shaver high above her head with her other hand shoving Noelle away.
Finally giving up, Noelle backed away and curled up in a corner of the bathroom. At the sound of her little sister’s gentle sniffing, Dess set the shaver down on the sink and slid down next to Noelle, rubbing soothing circles on her back.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Dess…”
“I’m not the one you need to apologise to.” Dess asserted with a reassuring tone.
“I know… I just… I just love Susie so much!” Noelle whined tearfully, “is it weird that I think about cuddling her in bed most nights?”
“No.” Dess smiled, remembering her own feelings for Asriel when she was younger.
“Is it weird that I want her to carry me over her shoulder like a gorilla kidnapping a beautiful woman?” Noelle sniffed.
“Not for a Holiday, it’s not.” Dess giggled as she remembered carrying Asriel exactly how Noelle described. He lit up brighter than a Christmas tree!
“A-a-and is it weird that, that I want her t-to chew me up with her huge yellow teeth, spit me ou-ut and sh-shove me in her locker?” Noelle stuttered.
“… ok, now that actually is kinda weird.”
Noelle buried her face in Dess’ shoulder, and the older deer just sighed.
“Listen, Nelly, you can’t make someone fall in love with you. It just doesn’t work like that. And Kris is your best friend, you two shouldn’t be fighting like this for any reason!”
“I know… I know I should be happy for them, but…”
“Just because you should feel some way doesn’t mean you actually do. No matter how you’d feel about Susie picking Kris over you, the three of you can figure it out. I mean, you saved the world together! You saved me together, Noelle! Those bonds don’t break so easily…” Dess trailed off as she and Noelle stared into each others’ eyes for a long while. Eventually, Noelle broke the staring contest and got up, wiping her face on her sleeve.
“You’re right, Dess. Besides, Susie hasn’t actually said anything yet! I still have a chance! And if she picks Kris… it won’t be the end of the world.”
“We already know what that would look like.” Dess joked with a quirked eyebrow. Noelle lightly shoved her, then rushed out of the bathroom to talk to Susie directly.
Dess’ phone rang. It was Asriel.
“Hey Azzy, just talked with Nelly. How’d it go with Kris?”
“Good, thank the Angel. Golly, were we this bad when we were getting together?”
“Nope. We were so much worse, hehe!”
“Right. I wonder whose fault that is?”
“C’mon, you love my rebellious and trouble seeking attitude, flower boy!”
“You said you wouldn’t mention that letter ever again!”
Dess laughed fondly. Azzy was just too easy to wind up sometimes.
“Kris! Noelle is here to see you!” Toriel called out from downstairs. Moments later, Noelle carefully opened the door to Kris’ bedroom and saw the human sitting next to Asriel. The young man patted his sibling on the back and left the room, giving Noelle a small greeting as he went downstairs.
“Kris, I… I wanted to say-”
“I’m sorry.” Kris and Noelle said at the same time, surprising each other.
“It wasn’t right of me to antagonise you and fight over Susie. It’s only natural you’d also be in love with her.” Noelle sighed as she sat down next to Kris on the human’s bed.
“Who wouldn’t be?” Kris smiled fondly before reassuming their usual stoic expression, “still, I was aware of how much you’re crushing on Susie. I shouldn’t have reacted as shocked or as hostile as I did.”
An awkward silence overcame the two, which Noelle broke first.
“Are we still friends?”
Kris held out their pinkie. Noelle knew what this meant: it was Kris’ substitute for hugs, something they and Noelle would do after not seeing each other for a while.
Noelle wrapped her own pinkie around Kris’, and the two smiled together, feeling a weight being lifted off both their hearts.
“What now?” Kris mumbled.
“We tell Susie how we feel.” Noelle stated decisively, “Then, whatever her answer… we accept it.”
Kris gave a single nod. The human and deer got up, shook hands, and stepped outside the bedroom.
It was time to finally speak clearly.
QC’s Diner was calm and welcoming as always. The setting sun painted the sky a warm orange, rapidly fading as the star continued to set. Susie, Kris and Noelle sat together at a booth, Susie on one side and her friends sharing the other side.
“Susie.” Kris broke the dinosaur girl out of her feeding frenzy, and the waffles on her plate would’ve thanked them in the Dark World.
“We have to tell you something important.” Noelle continued, steepling her fingers together and trying to channel her mother’s unshakable composure.
“Ok?” Susie drawled slowly, not sure where this was going.
“We like you.” Kris stated bluntly. Susie just blinked in response, face still blank.
“As in… LIKE like you, Susie. For me… it was love at first sight. My life was always so peaceful and kinda boring, and while Kris helped make it interesting, they’re only one person. But you, Susie… you’re so bold. You don’t care about rules, or authority, you’re not afraid to live your life the way you want to and that’s… that’s so exciting! You’re so exciting! I want you to whisk me away and teach me how to be bad too, I want to try eating chalk like you! I just… I love you, Susie!”
Noelle’s nose glowed brighter than the overhead lights as she finished her monologue, forcing Kris and Susie to shield their eyes. This made it difficult to gauge the larger monster’s reaction.
“I also love you Susie. Our first meeting wasn’t the best, but while we journeyed together across the Dark World, I couldn’t help admiring how unstoppable you were. While I was being manipulated both emotionally by my best friend’s mom and physically by some otherworldly heart, you were there defying fate at every turn. Even when you found out how our journey would end… you refused to accept it. You just kept marching to the beat of your own drum, only getting louder when someone tried to force you back on track.”
Noelle felt a bit surprised by Kris’ confession. She had never heard them this verbose. All of her focus was on Susie, however, whose gaze was cast down on her waffles.
“You assholes.”
What?!
“Kris… I’d expect this kinda bullshit from you, but Noelle?”
Susie’s expression left Kris and Noelle heartbroken. Her eyes were filled with… betrayal.
“Wait, Susie, what did we do?!” Noelle implored as she grabbed Susie’s sleeve before the reptile could leave the diner.
“When Berdly did it, it was whatever. He’s a dumbass.”
“Did what?!”
“PLAYED WITH MY FEELINGS!”
Susie’s outburst turned every head in the diner. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Susie stormed out, closely followed by Kris and Noelle, who left some money on the table.
“Susie, Susie, wait!” Noelle tried in vain to stop Susie, so Kris took action by pouncing and grabbing on to Susie’s leg.
“Get off!”
“No! Just listen to us!” The look on Kris’ usually obscured eyes gave Susie pause.
“Susie, why on Earth do you think we would play with your feelings like this?”
Susie looked into Noelle’s eyes, and only saw pure sincerity. She sighed.
“Because everyone else who said stuff like that to me has. People get dared to ask me out on a date like being dared to poke a sleeping bear. Look at me, Noelle. I’m a big ugly lizard, why would anyone fall in love with me?”
Noelle’s response to Susie was not what anyone would have expected. The small deer wasn’t filled with sympathy, or sadness, or even heartbreak.
Instead, it was pure rage.
“Susie. Don’t you ever, EVER dare say something like that about yourself again!”
Susie and Kris both flinched. Noelle looked like a totally different person with that scowl on her face.
“Everything Kris and I said about you is how we really feel. And we feel that way because it’s true! You’re the single most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out! And if you can’t see how anyone could fall head over heels for you, then you’re just as stupid as the people who did play with your feelings!”
The ensuing silence highlighted how thick the atmosphere had gotten. Napstablook actually bumped into it, so they just laid down on the ground instead.
“You’re really… in love with me? Both of you?” Susie finally whimpered. Kris stood up and held one of Susie’s hands, Noelle grabbing the other.
“Yes, Susie. Yes we are.” Kris confirmed.
Susie began sobbing softly, but the smile on her face reassured the two holding her hands that her tears were happy ones.
“I love you both too. Noelle, you’re just… so damn cute, I just wanna hug you forever and do everything with you. And Kris… you just get me dude! You don’t judge me for being weird because you’re even weirder!”
Human and deer blushed together, gobsmacked that Susie returned both of their feelings.
This uncovered a new problem, however.
“But, wait, if you love both of us…”
“How are you gonna choose?” Kris finished Noelle’s question.
“Choose what?”
“Which of us to go out with!” Noelle gasped, her heart beating faster than a shooting star.
“Why do I gotta choose? I got two hands, don’t I?” Susie smirked as she tightened her grip on her new lovers’ hands.
“WH-WH-WHAT?! Can you even do that?!” Noelle squealed while Kris just gazed at both girls with wide eyes.
“Doesn’t matter whether or not I can do it, cus I’m gonna do it anyway! Isn’t that what you both love about me anyway?” Susie’s smirk grew wider when Kris and Noelle’s blushes deepened further.
“Shouldn’t be that bad sharing you. We’ve always shared everything anyway, right Nelly?”
“Right. We even shared clothes growing up! Remember when you stole my favourite skirt?” Noelle and Kris laughed fondly together at the memory. Then, Susie wrapped them both in a tight hug and lifted them off the ground.
“Oops! Forgot you don’t like hugs, Kris!” Susie was about to set them down, but Kris stopped her.
“I don’t mind so much if it’s you.”
The three then stood in each other’s arms together on the pavement, blind to the world around them.
“Hehe. Y’know, it’s funny. Earlier at lunch, Ralsei did something similar to you guys. He just randomly said that he liked me while we were eating cake at the Colour Café.”
Kris and Noelle’s blank stares forced Susie to stop laughing and start thinking. The gears in her head turned, churned and burned, until eventually…
“OH SHIT!”
“Is… am I selfish? I’m selfish. Why would I ever think of being in a relationship with Susie? She already has real friends that love her! I’d… I’d just ruin their chances…”
Ralsei, the only person other than Swatch still at the Colour Café, sobbed into the same glass of milk he’d finished drinking hours ago. The prince only barely held on to consciousness.
“Come now, prince! It is not selfish to share your feelings. I know the situation is complicated, but let me assure you that when it comes to Susie, things always have an odd way of working out for the best.”
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Susie stomped in with Noelle and Kris hoisted over one shoulder.
“RALSEI! BOYFRIEND?”
“UH-UM-YES?!”
“NICE!”
Susie picked Ralsei up with a single hand and added him to her Lover Pile, then stomped back out the door.
“Wait, Susie! I haven’t paid for my drink yet!”
“Don’t worry, Prince Ralsei. This one’s on the house.” Swatch chuckled as he started cleaning Ralsei’s glass and shook his head.
Chapter 2: Shedding Families like Scales
Notes:
This became a lot more Alphyne focused near the end than I intended, but that’s the power of yuri I suppose.
This shall not be the last we see of this subplot, I promise.
Chapter Text
Chief Undyne of the HPD took her job seriously. She knew the police had a bad rep in the larger world, but the fishy monster swore to put the safety of her fellow citizens above all. Until recently she thought that just meant beating up bad guys, and while that was still it, it wasn’t all.
Being locked up in a bunker, rescued by a bunch of brave little punks and having an overdue conversation with Asgore taught Undyne that she also had to look after others in smaller ways. Things like keeping children from running off into the woods, helping people with struggles not related to beating up bad guys, and maintaining a feeling of safety.
Most of all, she wanted to make sure nobody ever went missing again.
This was why when Undyne saw Susie sitting alone at the graveyard looking downcast, she decided to take a seat next to the girl to see if she could help.
“Hey, punk. What’s up?” Undyne asked with an unnaturally soft tone. Unnatural for her, anyway.
Susie didn’t reply. She just kept her eyes on her feet and huffed. In her lap was a small knapsack, held shut with an elastic band.
“Hey, just cause I’m a cop and I’m talking to you doesn’t mean you’re in trouble. Need me to beat up someone?” Just because Undyne knew there was more to her job than beating people up didn’t mean she didn’t still love doing that.
That got a chuckle out of Susie.
“Nah. I mean, technically yeah, but…” she sighed, “I’m running away from home.”
“WHAT?!”
The knapsack made more sense now.
“Yeah. My parents are just… I can’t go back there anymore.”
“But where are you gonna stay then, kid?!” Undyne sounded angry, but she was really just worried.
“Dunno. Probably in Castle Town? Ralsei does have a room for me and everything.”
Undyne was actually given a proper tour of Castle Town after both she and the world were saved. She wanted to make sure no funny business was going on down there, and once she declared the little town safe it became open for any citizen of Hometown to visit.
That being said…
“Kid, you can’t just live in the Dark World forever.”
“Why not? There’s food and jobs and stuff there.”
“The money you get there doesn’t exist in the light world. And I’m pretty sure the food isn’t real either. Sure, it can heal ya, but once you get out it’s like you never ate.”
Susie’s eyes narrowed and glistened with tears. Undyne knew the feeling all too well: Susie wanted to rebuke, but knew the police officer was right.
“The hell am I supposed to do then?” Susie whimpered in a hushed tone.
Undyne hated seeing Susie like this. She didn’t know the kid too well before, but after she and her weird friends saved Undyne in the shelter, Susie herself fighting to the bitter end and practically oozing hope out of her scales…
Undyne saw a bit of herself in the girl. A lot of herself, actually. And perhaps even…
She turned her gaze to the gravestone nearest the bench. The one with a hammer engraved on it. Honouring the same person as the bench both women sat on right now.
This made an idea pop in Undyne’s head. It was crazy, poorly thought out and possibly irresponsible…
But he would’ve expected nothing less from his star pupil.
“Welcome to your new home!” Undyne announced grandly as she slammed the door to her house open. Susie stared starry-eyed at the space, still in disbelief that it would be hers as well.
“Are you sure I can stay with you from now on?” Susie asked incredulously.
“Of course! Besides, feels only fair after you literally saved my life.” Undyne grinned while she hung up her police cap and unbuttoned her shirt. Her home was always nice and warm, meaning she could comfortably relax in the plain black tank top she always wore under her uniform.
Susie put her knapsack on the table and looked around her new home. It wasn’t the most lavish home; just a living room connected to a kitchen with one door leading to a bathroom and another door to the bedroom. But by the look on Susie’s face, it may as well have been the mayor’s house.
“Woah, you got a Real Ass Goddamn Sword?!” Susie gawked at Undyne’s giant Real Ass Goddamn Sword.
“You bet! I keep it to fend off home invaders, along with my fishing spear, my boar spear and my harpoon.” The look Susie gave Undyne made her feel like some sort of awesome superhero.
“Can I call you mom?”
Undyne’s heart skipped a beat there. She didn’t think it would happen THIS quickly…
Thankfully, both of their stomachs growled at that moment, saving Undyne from stammering out an awkward answer.
“Want some dinner, kid?”
“Don’t worry, I brought food.” Susie said as she opened her knapsack. She pulled out…
“What is that?” Undyne asked.
“Drywall.” Susie answered simply as she took a big bite out of a particularly large chunk. Undyne’s eyes bugged out.
“Ok. NO! No kid, you’re not eating drywall.” Susie protested as Undyne snatched the crumbly cursed cracker away from her.
“Instead, I’m gonna teach you how to cook!” Undyne grinned.
“Oh, sick! Ok then, what are we making?”
“SPAGHETTI!”
Undyne grabbed Susie by the head and leapt to the kitchen counter. She set Susie down and stomped hard, making a chopping board and 3 large tomatoes fall from the ceiling.
“FIRST, WE GOTTA MAKE THE SAUCE!” Undyne yelled unnecessarily loudly. She couldn’t help it though, she felt pumped!
“Okay! So, uh… where are the knives?” Susie looked around the work surface, uncertain of how to proceed.
“KNIVES?! FUHUHUHU! Only COWARDS use utensils to cook! Punch the tomatoes with all your might and REDUCE THEM TO A DELICIOUS PULP!”
“FUCK YEAH!” Susie became infected with Undyne’s passion, and slammed her closed fist on one tomato. The poor fruit (often mistaken for a vegetable) was left flattened, while its tasty insides painted the wall red.
“Oops.” Susie looked sheepish.
“YES! THAT’S THE SPIRIT!” Undyne joined in, and did the exact same to the remaining two tomatoes. Except, she also managed to break the chopping board in half.
“We’ll scrape that into a bowl later. NOW WE MOVE ON TO THE PASTA!”
“Alright! Man, I didn’t know cooking could be so AWESOME! I wanna do it all the time!” Susie exclaimed while Undyne stomped again, making a saucepan full of water and a portion of spaghetti noodles fall from the ceiling and onto the cooker.
“Now, can you guess what the first step is?!” Undyne practically screamed.
“Boil the water?” Susie guessed with mild uncertainty.
“CORRECT!”
Undyne turned the fire up all the way. Then, she rushed to her room and made a bit of a racket, before reemerging with a spear and a harpoon in each hand. She handed the harpoon to Susie.
“Now, we gotta stir the pasta while it boils! That way it doesn’t stick together!”
“On it!” Susie stuck her harpoon in the saucepan and gently stirred.
“What kinda whimpy stirring is that?! STIR HARDER!”
Susie sped up.
“HARDER! LIKE YOU’RE IGNITING A FIRE OF JUSTICE WITH JUST YOUR MUSCLES!”
Susie sped up even more.
“NGAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
She stopped, however, when Undyne stabbed the saucepan with her spear multiple times, deforming it permanently.
“HELL YEAH! NOW WHAT?!” Susie roared with excitement, eager for the next step.
“NOW! We wait for the water to boil.” Susie deflated a bit at that answer. But she supposed it made sense.
“I always wish this part would go quicker.” Undyne grumbled, and Susie couldn’t help but agree.
She took a closer look at the cooker. It was unremarkable, and quite beaten up like the rest of Undyne’s kitchen. However, Susie’s attention was drawn to the fact that there were three other hobs, all totally functional and just not being used…
She nudged Undyne on the shoulder.
“Hey, I have an idea.”
The flames engulfing Undyne’s house left nothing untouched. The inferno raged on, as hot and passionate as the former inhabitants of the abode it so greedily devoured.
The noise of the crackling flames almost muffled Susie’s footsteps as she turned away and started walking with her head down.
“Hey, where are you going?” Undyne stopped Susie, who turned back to look at her.
“Right. I burned down a cop’s house. Guess you’re gonna lock me up now, huh?” Undyne felt her heart break all over again when she saw Susie’s eyes. They were the same as when she saw her earlier at the graveyard.
“I mean… yeah, technically I should, but… I’d also have to lock myself up too!” Undyne grinned, and Susie couldn’t look more confused if she tried.
“Why??”
“Because I’m also partially responsible. As the adult, I should’ve said no, but I just went along with it instead. Besides, if you only knew how many houses I’ve burned down by accident before!” Undyne laughed, and her heart lifted along with Susie’s face.
“So I’m not under arrest? And you’re not gonna kick me out?” Susie asked with hope.
“Well, I can’t really kick you out without a house to kick you out of. And I ain’t giving up on you that easily! My old teacher didn’t give up on me when I accidentally suplexed him on a boulder and cracked his shell, and whatever he saw in me I see in you!”
Undyne’s impassioned speech reminded Susie of someone. Someone very dear…
“Did your teacher also laugh like ‘gya ha ha’?”
Undyne looked shocked.
“Yeah… he did. I’m guessing you met him in a Dark World?” She asked softly.
“Yeah, in the church. I wanted to bring him to Castle Town to see him again, but Ralsei said he can only exist in a specific darkness. Unless Dess or Alvin opened another Dark Fountain… or you did, I guess…”
Silence fell, broken only by the crackling blaze next to the scaly women. Then, Susie perked up.
“I know you said we can’t live in Castle Town, but maybe we can at least sleep there until we can find a new house?” Susie offered.
“Not a bad idea, kid. Can’t be worse than the last one! Fuhuhu!” Undyne cackled, Susie soon joining her.
Alphys arrived at school early, as she always did. She liked having some peace and quiet to prepare her lesson for the day, and her classroom felt like one of her few safe spaces… at least, until all the students came in.
Today, she carried a big stack of posters with her. She’d meant to take them to the mayor, but Carol was apparently preoccupied with some other matter and honestly? Alphys was petrified of her. Instead, she’d ask Noelle to help her with the posters. She was always very helpful, and with being the mayor’s daughter and all-
“‘Sup, teach.”
Alphys screeched and jumped in the air, clinging to the ceiling with her claws. All of her posters went flying, and when she looked down to see who startled her, she saw none other than Susie.
“S-s-Susie! I, um, d-didn’t see you there! Why, um, why so early?” Alphys stuttered out as she attempted to detach herself from the ceiling.
“I slept over at Castle Town because I ain’t got no other place to sleep.” Susie answered without really explaining anything. She grabbed one poster that happened to land on her desk and scanned it over, while Alphys fell to the floor with a pathetic THUD.
“Wait, you’re looking for a roommate? Why?” Susie asked after reading the poster. Alphys peeled herself off the floor and was about to answer, but then she thought better…
A couple of days ago
“Eeeeheeeeheeeheee!!! Finally my life-sized Mew Mew Kissy Cutie doll has arrived! Ohmigosh, this is the best day of my life!”
Alphys practically danced with excitement around her apartment, thrilled at her latest purchase. She bought it from a Japanese website for an absolute steal! Only $100!
Ok, that was a lot, but still only a quarter of the original retail price!
“Oh!” Alphys perked up when she noticed something else at her door. A little envelope containing her latest bank statement.
“Alright, I guess I may as well take a look then.” Alphys thought out loud while she tore the envelope open with a single claw. She calmly pulled out the little paper, calmly unfolded, and then calmly screamed when she saw how much money she’d apparently spent.
“H-h-how???!! I didn’t buy anything THAT expensive! Unless…”
She looked at her life sized doll again. Her Japanese life sized doll. That she bought from a Japanese website.
“OH NO, I FORGOT ABOUT IMPORT TAX!”
“Let’s just say rent got a little tight, a-and now I need someone to split it with.” Alphys finally settled on a vague answer.
“Damn.” Susie grunted, and Alphys thanked the angel she didn’t ask for any further elaboration.
“Anyway, I think this is perfect! We can solve each other’s problems.” Susie grinned now, and Alphys’ heart skipped a beat at the sight of those ginormous gnashers.
“W-w-what do you mean?”
“Well, you’re looking for a roomie, and I’m with someone looking for a place to live. It’s perfect!”
Alphys gave Susie’s proposal some thought. On the one hand, it would mean living with Susie. Alphys briefly wondered why Susie would be with this other mystery person instead of at home with her parents, but then that made Alphys imagine what parents could have reared someone as scary as Susie and-
Cutting that intrusive thought off, Alphys considered the other hand. She was close to broke and desperate for someone to split rent with. She wasn’t really in the position to turn Susie down, and the sooner she had someone living with her the better, right?
“A-alright, yes. Yes! Let’s-let’s um, do it!” Alphys tried (and failed) to sound confident.
“Alright! Lemme just go and get the other person, I think she’s just about to start work.” Susie rushed out of the classroom and slammed the door, prompting Alphys to sigh in relief. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe this person is like Toriel, someone really sweet who could help Susie mellow out. Or maybe they were tough and could protect Alphys from her fears! After all, what are the chances this other person will be as scary and intense as Su-
“SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE?!”
For the second time that morning, Alphys familiarised herself with her classroom’s ceiling.
“A-a-alright, we-welcome to my- er, our apartment!”
The space was expectedly smaller than Undyne’s house, but no less welcoming.
“Sorry for the mess, I didn’t expect to find a roommate so early!” Alphys rushed to pick up discarded cup noodle packets, snack wrappers and other clutter.
“Don’t worry about it! I’m not exactly a neat freak either.” Undyne assured, bending down to help Alphys with some of the tidying.
“So, where’s what?” Susie asked, making Alphys flinch for a split second.
“Oh! Right! So, this is the living room, over there is a kitchenette, and if you’ll follow me, please.” Susie and Undyne glanced at the kitchenette, and silently agreed not to attack it like Undyne’s kitchen. No way it would survive a single punch.
Alphys led them to one of two doors, and opened it, revealing a messy bedroom covered in colourful posters and cluttered with figurines.
“This is my bedroom, which I guess we’re gonna share now, huh?” Alphys squeaked the end of her sentence in a way Undyne found kind of adorable.
Susie thought it was stupid. Funny stupid.
“Then over here is- UUP!” Alphys slammed the second door shut in the middle of opening it. Neither of her new roommates got a good look in there, but they got a glance of something…
Person shaped.
“Alphys. What was in there?” Undyne asked in an even tone.
“N-n-nothing! Nothing at all! Boring stuff, y’know, brooms and stuff!”
“Was that a person?” Susie’s question made Undyne’s eyes first widen, then narrow.
“Uh, umm, uh…” Alphys quivered like a leaf, and then relented. She opened the door.
“It’s my l-life sized Mew Mew Kissy Cutie doll… this is my anime shrine.”
Beyond the door was a small storage closet lined with DVDs and VHS tapes, with the centrepiece being the huge catgirl doll.
“I can’t tell if that’s better or worse than a person being in there.” Susie muttered while she stared into the doll’s beady eyes.
“Oh, alright… wait, what’s anime?”
Alphys gasped for a full ten seconds at Undyne’s question. Somehow, the dinosaur and the fish felt like they’d unleashed a tempest left brewing for years, and now they both had no choice but to weather it.
It was now late into the night, and Alphys and Undyne finished their last anime DVD for the night. Susie was able to narrowly escape by claiming she had a date (Alphys believed it, there were two prime candidates in her class to be Susie’s date).
“That… WAS SO FRIGGIN COOL!” Undyne bellowed after having been silent for multiple hours straight. The display of giant robots, even more giant swords and even gianter boobs left Undyne utterly stunned and speechless.
She has no idea how she spent her life without anime.
“THANK YOU! Everyone says there are too many action scenes and that they get boring, but they don’t realise that they’re layered with subtext! If you pay close attention to the subtle-”
Undyne had tuned out the teacher’s words, not really understanding what Alphys was going on about. She just loved the gratuitous violence. Seeing the normally shy, stuttery Alphys ablaze in her impassioned rant about anime…
It stirred something in Undyne. Something she’d never really felt before. It was soft, and mushy, and warm, and everything Undyne wasn’t. And yet…
“Oh, I’m sorry! I went off on a tangent there, you probably think I’m really weird now…” Alphys retreated into her metaphorical shell.
“No! No, I don’t think you’re weird. I mean, you are, but I mean that I was admiring your passion! It was kinda hot, honestly!”
“WHAT?!”
“What?”
Both women stared at each other, cheeks red and brains blank. They stayed that way a bit longer until the front door clicked open and Susie walked inside, carrying some things with her.
“Yo, Undyne, I went back to the remains of your house earlier and I managed to find your weapons! They’re still in pretty good condition, just a little bit charred.”
“AW, SWEET!” Undyne snapped out of her own trance and leapt over the sofa, hoisting her favourite spear above her and holding her giant sword over her shoulder. Alphys looked on at the display, the sight of the fish’s glistening, scaly muscles tightening as they lifted such heavy weaponry…
“Yo, teach, you ok? Your nose is bleeding, did Undyne punch you or something?”
Undyne’s head snapped to Alphys with a concerned expression, and the lizard waved it off.
“Oh, n-no, nothing like that! This just happens sometimes, I’ll uh, be in the bathroomokaybye!” Alphys rushed to the tiny bathroom connected to her bedroom and leaned over the sink. She looked at her red, bloodstained face and wide, terrified eyes in the mirror before sighing and washing herself off.
“Come on, Alphys! You can’t drop dead just because the hottest woman on the planet lives with you now! Get a hold of yourself!”
A little bit later, everyone finally had their dinner and got ready for bed.
“S-so, Susie, I have a futon for you to sleep on.” Alphys said as she dug through her wardrobe.
“A what?”
“A futon! It’s basically a rollup bed, you just lay it down on the floor and… sleep! That also means you can pick any room you want to sleep in, so just pick wherever’s comfortable for you.”
“Really? Awesome! Dibs on just in front of the fridge!” Susie cheered and snatched the futon from Alphys, rushing off and slamming the bedroom door before someone could stop her.
“Fuhuhu, I like that little punk more and more every minute!” Undyne laughed fondly while Alphys blushed at the sight of the taller woman’s pointy yellow teeth.
“I’m s-sorry, Officer Undyne-”
“I’m off the clock, you can just call me Undyne.”
“R-right! Sorry! Um, I only have the one futon… I could take the-”
“Guess we’re sharing the bed.” Undyne shrugged as she set down her belongings and took off her tank top, revealing a set of scaly abs, harder than any other substance on the planet.
Alphys made a noise that, unfortunately, is impossible to transcribe.
“Unless you have a problem with that? I could sleep on the sofa if you prefer-”
“NO!” Alphys squawked embarrassingly loud, “I mean, it’s fine! As long as you don’t mind sharing, I don’t mind either!” Alphys chuckled to herself, wondering if Susie and especially Undyne were secretly conspiring to kill her.
The two crawled in bed, and despite it being meant only for one person, the two were able to just about fit. Not without touching, though, which left its original owner all sorts of flustered.
Alphys began taking her glasses off, but stopped herself when she noticed Undyne staring off into space.
“Is… is everything alright?”
“Hm?” Undyne seemed to return to herself, “oh, yeah, I was just thinking…”
“About Susie?”
“Uh huh. She told me she ran away from home because of her parents. I’m just… I can’t not look into that, it’s my job!” Undyne clenched her fists.
“Well… I did have my suspicions that everything wasn’t alright at home. But I can’t really do anything unless the students come to me.”
“Right…”
A pause.
“I’m adopting her.”
“What?” Alphys wondered if her hearing had finally failed her.
“If Susie’s home situation really is bad, I’ll legally adopt her. I won’t let anything stop me! That little punk deserves the best after she and her friends saved my- no, everyone’s lives!”
Alphys stared in awe at the powerful woman that stole her heart. Then, she yawned.
“Oh, I guess it is pretty late! Let’s just get to sleep and talk more in the morning, okay?”
Alphys took her glasses off and set them on the bedside cupboard, then she flicked the lamp off and laid down. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to fall asleep at all with all the excitement today.
Undyne, on the other hand, fell asleep before her head even hit the pillow. She was already snoring away like a dad, and that probably wouldn’t help Alphys in her struggles to fall asleep.
Suddenly, a pair of muscular arms wrapped around the small teacher and yanked her over to Undyne’s side of the bed. Being snuggled like a teddy bear by the strongest fish in all the seven seas…
Alphys fainted. Looks like she would be getting a good night’s sleep after all.
Chapter Text
It was a beautiful day outside, but Asgore was currently inside his flower shop. His flowers needed tending to, and the Flower King’s responsibility was to tend to his subjects’ every need.
“Thank you again for your help, Dess.”
Helping him water all his flowers was Dess, his new housemate (if you could even call a flower shop a house).
“No problem, Mr Dreemurr. Least I can do for letting me stay with you.”
The peace was disturbed when the doors swung open and someone rushed in excitedly.
“Oh! Howdy, Asriel!” Asgore hugged his son, who was hopping in place.
“What’s got ya so excited, Azzy?” Dess raised a brow.
“Today is THE day!” Asriel yelped in excitement, and understanding dawned on Asgore’s face.
“Golly, already?”
“YES already!”
“What already?” Dess immediately gre tired of being left out of the loop.
“Togore’s coming over, Dess!” Asriel couldn’t stop himself from hugging Dess, not that she minded. Suddenly, she was overtaken by his same excitement.
“For real?! I haven’t seen him in forever! Can I come over to your house, Azzy? Please?”
“Well of course! You’re part of the family too, Dess!”
December was a bit taken aback from Asriel’s statement. That damn goat just knew exactly how to make her feel emotions.
“I assume Togore will be waiting at the bus station at 9 o’clock as always?” Asgore asked his son as he lugged a tank of petrol outside to his truck.
“Yup!” Asriel confirmed. Dess then tapped him on the horns, having remembered something.
“Azzy, wait! I forgot I needed to stock up on guitar strings, one on my guitar broke.”
“It’s okay, I can drive you to the store.” Asriel reassured as he nuzzled Dess’ cheek. She hated how easily she got flustered by Asriel’s affection, especially her damn lighthouse of a nose.
“Do you need to borrow the truck?” Asgore offered his keys to Asriel.
“No thanks, dad! We’ll just use mom’s car.” Truth be told, Asriel didn’t want to use up Asgore’s petrol. With how expensive it is nowadays and how much his dad struggles financially…
“Alright then. Remember to drive safe, kids!” Asgore waved to the younger goat and deer as they made for the exit of his store.
“Don’t worry, Mr Dreemurr. Knowing Azzy, we’ll be going at least 20 below the speed limit.”
“Better than going 20 over! And you still wonder why your mom murdered your liscence…”
Asgore shook his head fondly as the two continued to bicker. They really were lucky to have each other…
He hoped they wouldn’t end up like him and Tori.
Shaking that thought out of his head, Asgore resumed his duty to his flowers, letting the task take up all his concentration.
Wiping his brow, Asgore stood up tall and admired his shop. Beautiful, healthy flowers of every colour blossomed and thrived, all thanks to the Flower King’s green thumb.
As he admired his life’s work, Asgore gazed over the clock. Then, his eyes snapped back to it.
10:54
“I’M LATE!” Asgore grabbed his keys and petrol, ran outside, bowled over a small cat holding a jug of milk over his head and rapidly filled up his truck’s tank before leaping in and stepping on it.
Asgore always took his time watering the flowers, but today of all days? He smacked himself a few times to get the negative thoughts out of his head. No use beating himself up over it now, he just had to pick up Togore at the bus station.
The Togoreless bus station.
Asgore spent half an hour wandering the bus station, looking for Togore and drawing a few looks in the process.
Not knowing what to do, Asgore was about to reach for his phone when something caught his eye.
It was a wanted poster.
The illustration showed a hooded shadow of a monster, with a single large eye and vicious fangs twisted into a sinister grin. Below that, a small paragraph explained that this was a kidnapper who targeted adolescent young men and had recently escaped from prison.
Asgore’s expression darkened.
Asgore Dreemurr is a kind, gentle man. Most people consider him a giant, fluffy pushover, and they’re not entirely wrong.
However, this was because nobody has seen him truly angry yet. And for good reason, Asgore is very slow to anger. Few things can really piss off the large goat man.
Messing with his family is one of those things.
Asgore tore the poster off the pole it was hanging from and stomped back to his truck. He would stop at nothing until his son was safe and sound again.
Asgore may live in a tiny town that’s closer to being a village, but he wasn’t naïve. He went to college in the city, and underwent police training there as well. Asgore was at least partially aware of where all the scum liked to hide out, so he drove to the less savoury district that most tried to avoid. He parked in front of a bar that, back in his college days, had a reputation for being a hive of criminal activity.
Asgore took a deep breath. It was now or never.
All the chatter in the pub stopped when a girthy wall of goat slammed the door open. All eyes turned on Asgore, while his own scanned the wretched, disgusting…
Actually, it didn’t look so bad.
It all looked kind of nice actually.
Noticeably, all the patrons were men, a mix of monsters and humans. Some were quite close together, while others looked at Asgore with a light blush dusting their cheeks.
“Um…” Asgore was now at a bit of a loss.
“Pardon me, is this a criminal hideout?”
One patron, a human who was sitting close to the door, got up from his seat to speak with Asgore.
“No, pal. This is a gay bar.”
Asgore’s eyes went wide.
“Oh! Oh golly, I am so sorry! I haven’t been to the city in a long time, and I’m trying to find my son, who may have been kidnapped, and-”
“Woah, woah! Calm down, it’s ok. We all make mistakes.” The human reassured Asgore with a pat on the back. Most people returned to their previous conversations, and the expected background noise of a full bar filled Asgore’s ears as he tried to listen to the kind man speaking to him.
“If you’re looking for a criminal bar, there’s one right across the road actually. Directly opposite this one.”
“Ah, that’s right! I remember now! I’m so sorry for the intrusion, I’ll be on my way now.” Asgore scratched his head sheepishly as he turned to leave.
“Again, it’s okay. Not the first time this has happened either, we’ve actually been wanting to move location to literally anywhere else, but there are somehow no available structures anywhere else in the city…” the man grumbled.
“I wish you luck, Mr…”
“Just call me Rodney. And good luck finding your son as well.” Rodney shook Asgore’s hand before the goat left. He noticed that the human had left something in his hand.
It was a little slip of paper with a phone number.
Asgore was about to toss it, but then considered it. He pocketed the phone number instead, and then crossed the road to the other pub.
The doors slammed open. All the chatter and the music stopped. Asgore Dreemurr loomed in the entrance, his face cast in shadow.
Despite not being related by blood, he looked every bit as intimidating as Kris.
“I’m looking for this monster.” Asgore held up the wanted poster for all to see, “Hand them over, and we will not have any trouble.”
“What makes you think you can just burst in and make demands?” A huge monster got up to confront Asgore. She looked like a giant suit of armour with an owl’s face on the chest. She yawned for a moment before continuing.
“What are you? A cop?”
The atmosphere grew tense.
“No. Well, not anymore, anyway…”
It was at that moment Asgore knew: he messed up.
The suit of armour threw a punch that connected to Asgore’s jaw, but the goat could take a hit and recovered quickly. He ducked another punch and threw a hit of his own directly at one of the monster’s massive eyes, making her recoil with a loud CLANG!
Another monster joined it, this one being half man and half fish. They threw a trident at Asgore, but just barely missed. The weapon embedded itself into the wall next to the goat, who pulled it out with great strength and wielded it as though it were an extension of his own body.
A gang of humans got up from their table and joined the fray, but Asgore saw them coming and prepared to attack. If one looked closely enough, they could see his eyes gleaming three times before he swung the trident low, sweeping the humans off their feet and injuring their legs enough to keep them on the floor.
The armour monster had recovered and lunged at Asgore, but he rolled away and took cover behind an overturned table when several bottles and glasses were thrown his way.
At a loss for what to do, Asgore noticed a discarded lighter. Daring to peek over the table, he noticed several knocked over bottles rolling on the floor, most of them unopened.
Bracing himself, Asgore tucked the lighter in his pocket and rushed out of his hiding spot, miraculously dodging projectiles and fending off tackles with help from his trident. He grabbed a bottle of spirit off the floor and ducked behind another table, throwing a scrawny monster out of their cover so he could claim it.
Asgore popped the bottle open and tore off one of his pockets. Then he used the lighter to set the Molotov on fire and tossed it behind the bar, setting ablaze and forcing the humans and monsters using the supplies behind it as projectiles to jump out in the open.
The table was suddenly lifted and tossed away by the armoured monster, who wound up for another punch. Asgore caught it, however, and swung the bigger monster around with incredible strength, eventually tossing her at the last remaining stragglers and effectively KOing everyone in the pub.
Only one man still stood before Asgore.
The monster from the wanted poster.
“Hey, hey, hey! Call down man! I can help you out! Whaddya want? I’ll give ga anything!” The lanky monster pleaded with his numerous tentacles wrapped around each other.
“I want. My son. Back.” Asgore growled threateningly, pointing his trident at the monster’s throat.
“Yeah! Yeah, of course! I’ll give ya all the sons you want! Just lemme open my car first!” The monster scuttled away quickly and slunk through the door. Asgore relaxed his posture and finally took in the carnage left behind from the brawl earlier.
He couldn’t quite believe he’d actually done that, truth be told.
“You know he’s probably stealing your car, right?” The now drowsy armour monster informed Asgore.
“Come now, why would he do that? He just said he had his own car!” Asgore smiled, before remembering exactly what company he was dealing with.
Asgore burst out of the bar and looked across the road, seeing the kidnapper wrestling over a crowbar with Rodney. The human must have noticed the monster trying to steal Asgore’s truck and intervened.
Not hesitating, Asgore aimed and threw his trident, just barely missing the kidnapper by centimetres. The weapon embedded itself into the pavement, and the shadowy monster looked at the goat man in fear before pushing Rodney to the ground, abandoning his crowbar and running away on his many feet.
Wordlessly, Asgore got into his truck and turned the key, putting pedal to the metal as he burned rubber to catch up to the criminal scumbag that dared to kidnap his son.
Rodney yelled something, but Asgore couldn’t hear him over the roar of the engine.
Asgore had to give it to this shadow monster, he was fast. They’d been at it for a while now, long enough to leave the city and drive into a farm trail.
The kidnapper really thought he had a chance to escape the wrath of the mighty Bergentrück.
Little did he know, however, that Asgore filled up on gas.
The cycloptic kidnapper began slowing down, running out of stamina. Asgore knew this was his chance.
He slammed the accelerator and the pickup truck lurched forward. The criminal turned around for a brief moment, pupil shrinking as the headlights blinded him before he was sent flying by a rattling beast of steel and rubber.
Screeching to a halt, Asgore stepped out of his vehicle and walked up to his victim. He was trying to crawl away, but in his injured state he couldn’t get far, so Asgore grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up to his face.
“Tell me where my son is now. Otherwise, I’ll back up for a second hit.”
“In that barn! In there! Please, just don’t hit me with your truck again!” The shadowy cyclops trembled in Asgore’s grasp. Looking to where the monster pointed, Asgore saw a lone barn in the distance and jogged towards it, keeping a firm grasp on the kidnapper every step of the way.
Opening the doors to the barn, Asgore wasn’t sure what to expect. But it definitely wasn’t this.
Lined up in all the stables were rows and rows of goat monsters, sheep monsters, horse monsters and any other type of monster resembling a farm animal. They all looked surprised and somewhat relieved at the sight of the big round goat choking out the one who kidnapped them in the first place.
None of them looked like Togore, however.
“Look, I always wanted my own little farm since I was a kid, okay? Although… In hindsight, maybe this wasn’t the best way to go about it.” The monster shrank under Asgore’s glare, but before he could say anything else, a squadron of police cars pulled up to the barn, sirens blaring and lights flashing.
“Nobody move! Down on the ground, big guy!” A police officer pointed a taser at Asgore.
“No! Not the goat, the other guy! The one on the poster!” Rodney stepped out of one of the cars, holding the wanted poster Asgore had brought with him. He must have dropped it before pursuing the kidnapper.
With the police present, it wasn’t long before the kidnapper was arrested and all the families of the monsters he abducted were informed that their children had been found.
“Well done, pal! You tossed a dangerous criminal behind bars! Never got your name, by the way.” Rodney patted Asgore on the back again as he congratulated the larger monster.
“Asgore…” he responded, downcast.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You caught the guy!” Rodney exclaimed, noticing Asgore’s discontent.
“Yes, but… none of the monsters in that barn were my son. I still don’t know where he is.”
Rodney’s brow crinkled with worry and sympathy for Asgore.
“Well… if your son is anything like his old man, he’s probably fine. Speaking of, I got something else you left behind.” Rodney reached behind him and handed Asgore the trident he wielded earlier.
“That isn’t mine exactly, but thanks anyway. I’m sure I can use it for something at home.” Asgore gripped the trident and went back to looking pensive.
“Hey, Asgore? You kept my number, didn’t you?” Asgore nodded, “in that case, I promise to call you in case I spot your son anywhere. I move all around the city, so you never know if I might spot him somewhere.”
“Thank you, Rodney. Here, let me send you a photo of him…” Asgore checked his pockets for his phone, but couldn’t find it anywhere on him.
“Darn it, I must have forgotten my phone at home!”
“In that case you can send me the photo when you get home. Safe trip, Asgore!” Rodney patted Asgore one last time before the goat got up and made for his truck. The two men said their goodbyes, and Asgore took a quick look at the front of his old truck. The front bumper was dented, no surprise there.
He sighed as soon as he sat in front of the wheel.
Time to face Toriel’s wrath. A death sentence to most, but Asgore has endured it before.
And most likely will have to again in the future.
It was late into the afternoon, and the last vestiges of sunlight disappeared behind the treeline of Hometown. Asgore stood before his former home.
It never felt less welcoming to him than right now.
He knocked on the door, and soon after Toriel opened it. Her glare hadn’t gotten any less piercing over the years.
“Nice of you to finally show yourself, Asgore. Tell me, what is the story this time? Another deer-shaped speed bump?”
“No, nothing like that Tori… I am so, so sorry…”
Were he paying attention, Asgore would have noticed Toriel’s face soften ever so slightly for only a fraction of a second at his tone.
“I went to pick up Togore, but he… he…” Asgore was choking up. He had to tell Toriel the truth, but it felt as if all the muscles in his throat refused to even say what he knew he had to.
“Mom? Is dad at the door?”
That voice. Asgore recognised that voice. Without thinking, he barged past Toriel into the house and saw-
“TOGORE!”
The father rushed to his eldest (by a few minutes) son and hugged him with all his might. He swung the awkward little goat around like a ragdoll before finally setting him down, holding his now dizzy son by the shoulders.
“Togore! I thought something terrible had happened to you! Why were you not at the bus station?!”
“Dad, I sent you a text! Didn’t you read it?” Asriel asked his father from the sofa. Dess was all but draped over him, while Kris and Noelle sat on the floor in front of them, pausing whatever activity they were sharing to stare at Asgore.
“I… I forgot my phone at the shop.”
“Nothing new, then.” Carol sniped from one of the armchairs. She and Toriel shared a look after the goat mom shut the front door with a sigh and a facepalm.
“While Dess and I went to the city to buy her guitar strings, we noticed Togore taking a walk around town. His bus was early and he wanted to walk around a bit, so I offered to drive him here to save you the trip.” Asriel explained.
“I see… I really messed up again, didn’t I?” Asgore mumbled sheepishly.
“Yes. You did.” Toriel and Carol said at the same time.
“It’s ok, dad. Everybody makes mistakes. And you probably have a great story to tell, if your appearance is anything to go by.” Togore reassured his father. Looking himself over, Asgore only now realised just how much of a mess he looked, his clothes all torn up and his face probably sporting a nasty bruise.
Those wide, square eyes of Togore’s never missed anything, did they?
“As a matter of fact, I do…”
And so Asgore told his family about today’s adventure. About his new friend, and taking on a whole bar of criminals and finally rescuing a load of missing teens and helping to arrest their kidnapper.
The oldest women in the house were a bit skeptical at first, but soon changed their tone when Asgore showed them the trident he’d brought home as a memento of his victory.
“Today may not have been a great day, but I’m just relieved that my son is safe and sound.” Asgore concluded with another hug.
“Thank you, dad. In fact, you could say that I’m… Togore-tastic!”
Asgore burst into laughter and joined Togore in chanting his classic catchphrase. Everyone soon joined in, even the Holidays!
And in this moment, Asgore had everything he could ever wish for. Sure, the moment wouldn’t last, and everyone would have to go their separate ways again. Asgore would go back to running his deserted flower shop, Togore would leave to far, far away once more and the loneliness would get to him once again.
But, for just a fleeting moment, Asgore felt like he was part of a family again.
Notes:
Bonus points to whoever can guess which monster started the fight with Asgore.
Chapter 4: Suffering from Success
Notes:
This one went in quite a few unexpected directions while I was writing it, but I hope it was to the episode’s benefit!
Chapter Text
Susie had to admit, her life was going pretty great right now. She was a hero that saved the world, she’s found a permanent home where she actually feels safe and the best thing of all: she has not one, not two, but THREE romantic partners!
Not in a cheating on them sense, they’re all aware and willing to share her, of course.
Today, on a lovely Saturday morning, she had a date (read: hanging out as always) with Kris at the park.
“Yo, Alphys! I got a thing with Kris today, I’ll be home later.”
“O-oh, alright! Ha-have fun Susie!” Alphys called from her little desk where she marked homework. Susie hadn’t done hers, but Alphys still wasn’t brave enough to confront the purple monster about it.
Susie put on her jacket and stepped out of the door. She was confident that not a single thing could go wrong today.
“C’mon Kris, you’re almost there!” Susie cheered her partner on as they climbed further up a tree in the park. Earlier that week, a crow had stolen Susie’s chips, so now the dinosaur wanted revenge by stealing something precious from the crow:
Its eggs.
“Remind me again why I’m the one climbing the tree?” Kris called from up high, a bit difficult to hear from a distance.
“‘Cus I’m too heavy, dude! You’re all scrawny and light, plus I’m here to catch ya!”
Kris shook their head but smiled, then grabbed another branch. They were nearly at the crow’s nest now, just a little bit further…
“CAW! CAW!”
A series of violent, angry pecks assaulted Kris’ head. The sudden, sharp pain made them lose their grip, and they would’ve had a painful encounter with the ground had their strong girlfriend not been there to grab them.
“Damn it! It was an ambush!”
The crow swooped down from the tree and hovered before the couple, eyeing them carefully. In response, Kris and Susie got into battle positions, a familiar feeling washing over them in spite of a lack of weapons or fluffy boys.
Kris and Susie eyed each other. Susie nodded, and Kris turned back to stare at their opponent.
“Susie, intimidate.” Kris commanded. Carrying out the act, Susie made herself look as wide as possible and roared, pushing the crow back a bit with the force of her voice.
The crow was hardly affected, however, and responded by flying high into the air and diving at Susie beak-first. The monster dodged a moment too late, getting pecked on the shoulder, but her thick scales shielded her from her avian attacker’s pointy beak.
“Alright Kris, I got an idea-” Susie’s phone chimed, and she held up a finger while she checked it. Kris and the crow both patiently waited for the dinosaur girl to check whatever message she got.
“OH CRAP!” Susie suddenly exclaimed, “Sorry Kris, I forgot something really important, I’ll be back, promise!”
And before Kris could even protest, Susie was off. Now alone, the crow eyed the human with a predatory glint in its eye.
If Kris were a frog, they’d be really worried about their liver right now.
Susie drew much attention to herself as she slammed the door to QC’s diner wide open. She huffed and puffed on her knees following her rush over here.
How on Earth did she forget about her date with Noelle? And on the same day as Kris’ date as well??
“Susie! Over here!” Noelle waved with a beatific grin from one of the booths, and Susie soon joined her.
“Hey, babe. Sorry I’m late, I was doing stuff.” Susie grinned when her pet name had the desired effect on her girlfriend. Bright red cheeks and a brighter nose; Noelle wasn’t used to being called babe yet, and Susie secretly hoped she never would.
“It’s ok Susie, you’re not that late.” Noelle reassured. Her dorky little expression made Susie want to just chew Noelle up like a piece of peppermint flavoured gum.
“So, uh… what do we do on a date? I’m kinda new to this.”
“Me too… I think we just talk about ourselves and our shared interests? I’m not sure, I’m just basing this on movies and manga, fahaha!”
The two girls shared a laugh before a comfortable silence overcame them briefly. Susie then glanced at the menu.
“What are you gonna order?” She asked, salivating at all the options.
“I’m not really hungry, I’ll probably just have a hot chocolate.” Noelle commented, already having a favourite here.
“Cool. I’ll probably have a waffle and bacon combo with extra waffles and extra bacon.” Susie decided, her stomach already grumbling at the prospect.
“Hey, um…” Noelle looked a bit awkward, but Susie’s soft look reassured the reindeer, “I’m sorry if this is a weird question, but what’s it like having scales? And um, being cold blooded?”
Susie’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment. She took a moment to think about her answer, never having been asked this question before.
“I guess… I dunno, really. The cold’s kind of annoying. Makes me feel all sleepy and like shit. But then summer’s awesome, because I get to lie in the sun with my mouth wide open, and it’s like the best nap in the world!”
“I see… What about UV lights?”
“What lights?” Susie inquired.
“Ultraviolet lights. People that own reptiles as pets use them to keep them comfortable.” Noelle explained, knowing from personal experience when Dess decided to adopt a snake.
“Oh. I dunno, I guess it would be cool to try.” Susie said nonchalantly, while Noelle typed ‘giant UV lamp’ on her phone under the table.
“My turn now. What’s it like being all furry?” Susie asked with a grin. Noelle was less taken aback than Susie, probably expecting this question.
“It’s pretty helpful for keeping warm, but it also means I need to use looooots of shampoo to wash it. That’s without even mentioning all the brushing and drying as well!”
“Must be pretty uncomfy in the heat.” Susie sniffed.
“Not exactly. When it gets warmer, we shed our winter coats and replace them with a much lighter layer of fur! Except then you have to clean up all the hair you end up shedding…”
“Heh. At least when I shed my old skin I can eat it.”
“Eewww! That’s so gross!” Noelle grinned, despite her disgust.
“Nah, it’s pretty good actually. Plus you’re supposed to do that, the doctor says it’s really nutritious! Ask Alphys if you don’t believe me!”
The two girls laughed together before one of the waitresses walked up to their table.
It was Catti.
“Good morning Noelle. Susie.” Catti’s neutral expression morphed into a scowl when she laid eyes on the purple dinosaur monster.
“Are you two ready to order?” Catti asked in an even tone.
“Yeah, I’ll have a-”
“Wait your turn, Godzilla.”
Susie growled and was about to snap something at Catti, but the mention of Godzilla reminded her of something.
“CRAP! Really sorry Noelle, I forgot something important I had to take care of, promise I’ll be right back, please order for me, bye!” As Susie left the diner as noisily as she entered, Noelle and Catti just stared.
“This is the perfect excuse for you to leave her.”
“Oh, stuff a stocking in it, Catti!”
Susie was actually angry at herself. Did she seriously schedule her movie date with Ralsei on the same day as her dates with Kris AND Noelle?!
Whatever, she made her way down to Castle Town and rushed to the TV Studio, where both Ralsei and Tenna waited for her.
“Susie! You’re here!” Ralsei bounced in his comfy seat. The cinema room was predictably dark, with the only light coming from the giant TV at the end of the room. Susie sat herself down next to Ralsei and wrapped an arm around him, ruffling his fluff.
“Of course I’m here, dude. I wouldn’t just ditch ya.” Susie was glad the low lighting hid her nervous expression.
“Oh, aren’t they just ADORABLE folks? Young love is so BEAUTIFUL! Now, without any further ado, let’s get this MONSTER MOVIE MARATHON going! IT’S T! V! TIME!”
Ralsei had never seen a movie before, and that was finally about to change. He’d initially been a bit scared of watching Godzilla (which Susie had to stop herself from laughing at) but decided to see it after all so he could get braver.
Susie thought Ralsei was already plenty brave for facing a Titan head on and stopping the end of the world, but who was she to turn down 5 hours of giant monster movies?
Someone with too many dates, apparently.
The movie started slow, as most monster movies do, and Susie mostly tuned it out. She only cared about the destruction and fighting. This was, however, a good chance to focus on Ralsei.
Despite nothing interesting happening, Ralsei already looked engrossed. The screen reflecting off his glasses did nothing to hide the laser focus of his eyes as he took in every single word the characters said. His face twitched at certain lines or key moments, almost as if Ralsei thought he was a character in the movie too.
Susie found it so cute it took all her self-control to not smooch the Hell out her goat boyfriend in that moment.
At long last, Godzilla appeared on screen. Susie roared along with him, while Ralsei held on to her, trembling with fear.
“Boy, he’s pretty scary, isn’t he?” Ralsei whimpered, hardly audible over the carnage playing out before them.
“Not as scary as me though, right?” Susie grinned, her teeth glistening in the glow of the TV.
“Well, yes and no.” Susie looked at Ralsei confused.
“You are scarier than Godzilla, but I’m not scared of you because I know you’ll protect me!” Ralsei said with the most genuine smile a living being is capable of giving.
Susie couldn’t help it anymore, she pulled Ralsei close and planted a kiss on the tip of his snout.
The fluffy prince said nothing as he melted in his dinosaurian lover’s grip. Susie chuckled quietly to herself and returned to watching the movie, where Godzilla was now attacking lots of planes and helicopters. They flew around him like little birds, futilely pecking at his thick hide, like…
Like…
“THE CROW!”
Susie’s outburst startled both Ralsei and Tenna, who reflexively paused the movie.
“What’s wrong, Susie?”
“Oh! Uh, nothing, I just, uh… need the bathroom! That’s all!” Susie lied as she leapt to her feet and made for the exit.
“Ok, we’ll sit tight for your return, Susie!” Tenna waved while Ralsei just nodded.
“Uhm, oof, ow! I’m, uh, I’m gonna be a while! Don’t wait up for me, just get comfy!”
Susie ran away before either goat or TV could express their concern. They sat together awkwardly in silence for a moment before Ralsei got an idea.
“Tenna, could you rewind to the part where Godzilla roared? I wanna practice doing it so I can impress Susie!”
“Why, of COURSE your majesty! We could even make a GAME out of it!”
“You sure took your time!” Kris gruffed as they wielded a stick like their Dark World sword. The Crow was now trying to scratch Kris with its talons, and it seemingly got a few hits in.
“Sorry dude! I had something important to take care of! But now that I’m here, this bird is- urk!”
Susie was suddenly grabbed by the jaw by Dess, who dragged her off while ignoring any form of protest.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Catti had decided to phone up Dess and tell her about the little episode at the diner, making sure to take a few… artistic liberties in her recount of events. Overtaken by her elder sibling instinct, December decided to have a little… chat, shall we say, with Susan Buster.
“Wait, Dess! Come back, I need Susie’s help! DESS! SUSIE!”
Dess dragged Susie back to the diner, and shoved her into her seat. At the purple monster’s table was a plate stacked with waffles and bacon, cold but untouched. Noelle’s mug of hot chocolate was now empty.
“Dess! Did you have to be so rough?” Noelle glared at her sister, who just huffed out of her nose.
“Uuuuhhh… did I do something? Cus if not I guess I’ll chow down.” Susie leaned down to take a massive bite of her food, but Dess pulled it away at the last moment.
“Hey! What gives?!”
“What gives is that you just ditched my sister in the middle of a date.” Dess glared.
Susie at least had the decency to look guilty.
“Dess, that’s not what happened! Susie just had something important she had to do, and it took longer than expected. Right Susie?” Noelle looked pleadingly at her girlfriend.
“Yeah! That’s right!”
“And tell me, Susie. What exactly was so important that you had to rush out and leave Nelly in the dust?”
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh…” Susie racked her brain, trying desperately to come up with any kind of explanation. Thankfully, Noelle intervened.
“Dess, stop interrogating Susie like she’s some kind of criminal! We’ve only just started dating, and you don’t know anything about her life! Please just let me sort out my own relationships by myself, I’m not a timid little girl anymore!”
Noelle’s sister and girlfriend were at a loss for words. Susie felt something warm and fuzzy in her heart, while Dess’ expression melted from its icy glare into a more sorrowful one.
“You’re right… I’m sorry Noelle. Everything’s just so different, even you… I just wanna keep you safe, y’know?” Dess’ entire demeanor seemed to change.
“Thank you Dess. And I know it’s difficult for you to accept how much life has changed after 3 years. I’m a lot stronger now though, and I don’t need you to protect me from everything.” Noelle put a hand on her sister’s.
“I know, but… we can still do sister stuff together like we used to, right?”
“Of course, Dess! That’s something that doesn’t have to change.” Both sisters embraced each other, both just enjoying the moment. Enjoying each other’s company, glad to be reunited once more.
Susie’s phone chimed, pulling everyone out of the moment. When she checked it, she saw a single picture sent by Kris. It was blurry and difficult to make out exactly what was going on, but it looked like the crow had stolen Kris’ stick and was now wielding it against them.
“CRAP! Uh, sorry guys, I gotta go save Kris, I’ll be right back!” Susie once more barrelled out of the diner, more panicked than anyone had ever seen her.
“Susie, wait! What do you mean save Kris?!” Noelle called out as she and her sister followed Susie outside, but all three girls would be in for a cold surprise.
“OOF!” Susie crashed into someone else on her way to the park and fell on her tail, but the other person somehow stayed upright. She looked up and saw…
Carol Holiday.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” Noelle asked in disbelief, helping Susie get back on her feet.
“I could ask you the same thing, young lady. What are you doing with… her.” The tone with which Carol spoke that last word made everyone in the vicinity shiver.
Even people who were out of earshot.
“Mom, they’re just hanging out, leave Nelly and-”
“We’re on a date.”
One could hear a snowflake land on a blade of grass with the silence that followed.
“What?”
“We’re on a date.” Repeated Noelle. Her mother’s face twisted into one of silent rage, and every part of Noelle screamed at her to back off.
But she stood strong.
No more cowering.
“Your sister’s rebellious phase is one thing, but you too, Noelle? Come with me at once. We will discuss this little stunt of yours in private.” Carol snapped, leaving no room for argument.
But Noelle argued anyway.
“No, mom. This isn’t a phase, or a stunt, or anything! I’m not going out with Susie to try and spite you, or to impress someone else, or even to prove anything! I’m going out with Susie…”
With a sudden burst of strength and confidence, Noelle managed to dip Susie low to the ground and deeply kiss her girlfriend’s scaly lips, holding the position for a full ten seconds before rising again.
“… because I love her! And nothing can change that!”
Dess looked at her sister with nothing but admiration and pride, almost seeming moved by her bravery. Carol, on the other hand, was so affronted that she couldn’t even muster a single word in response. Instead, she just scoffed and stomped away, the atmosphere warming back up the moment she left.
“Noelle, that was so awesome! Since when can you stand up to mom better than me?”
“I-I-I d-do-don’t know…” Noelle was suddenly trembling like a leaf in a blizzard, while Susie stood catatonic next to her. Both girls were snapped out of it, however, when they heard a series of squawks coming from the park.
“OH SHIT, KRIS!”
Susie practically galloped to the park and tackled the bird to the ground, slamming its face on the floor multiple times and filling the air with blue feathers-
“Susie, stop! That’s Berdly!”
Ceasing her assault, Susie realised that Noelle was right. It wasn’t a crow Susie was blindly beating into submission, but the class nerd.
Same difference, really.
“Ouuuggghhh… Pardon me if I caused any disturbance ladies, I was just practicing my singing voice for spring. And by the looks of it, my mating call finally works~” Berdly waggled his eyebrows, making Noelle wince and Susie stick her tongue out in disgust.
“Shut up, dumbass! Did you see Kris when you arrived?!” Susie insisted as she throttled Berdly a bit more for good measure.
“They were headed for the school, seemingly engaged in combat with a corvus corax!”
Susie dropped Berdly and made her way to the school. Noelle ran to join her, but then thought twice and trotted back to Berdly. She withdrew a small Christmas-themed first aid kit from her pocket and opened it, extracting a sticky plaster with a Christmas tree printed on it. She peeled the wax off and stuck the plaster on Berdly’s head, then rushed off to catch up with Susie.
“Thank you…”
Making their way to Castle Town, Susie and Noelle hurriedly asked the citizens if they’d seen anything. They all mentioned Kris fighting some sort of horrific monster, which didn’t put either girl’s mind at ease.
“Oh, there you are, Susie!” Ralsei called out from the TV Studio, rushing up to and embracing Susie.
“Ralsei! Quick, have you seen-”
“I learned to roar like you, Susie!”
“Cool, but now isn’t-”
“Baaaaaa~”
That gave Susie pause.
“That was the cutest sound I’ve ever heard.” Noelle squeaked, her pupils the size of dinner plates.
“Right?” Susie agreed. Before she could brag about her adorable boyfriend, though, a disgusting screech rocked the very foundations of Castle Town itself.
A hideous, three headed corvid touched down on the ground, blowing the two Lightners and the Darkner prince back. Its six wings flapped wildly, and in one of its beaks it held-
“KRIS!”
Without even thinking about it, Susie wound up a Rude Buster and launched at the middle head, the one that held Kris. The cursed bird dropped the human and screeched again, taking off into the air again and disappearing in the black sky.
“Kris! You ok dude?” Susie lifted Kris up, who could only groan in response.
“My insides… feel like they’re outside…”
“I am so sorry, Kris, this is all my fault. I should’ve just been honest from the start that I accidentally scheduled all my dates for today, instead of trying to be in three places at once.”
“Susie…” Noelle whispered, holding out her hand.
“I really messed this all up… I’m sorry guys, I let all three of you down…”
“It’s ok Susie. Everyone makes mistakes, and we’re all new to dating! I’m sure we can work out a solution if we all just talk it out!” Ralsei reassured Susie with a nuzzle, which she reciprocated.
“Look, this is really sweet and all, and I appreciate the apology…” Kris started, before another screech made the earth tremble, “but can we save it for after we beat the demon crow?!”
Having braced themselves this time, the Delta Warriors weren’t swept off their feet by the crow’s second landing. This time it stood tall before them, all six wings spread wide open and each head staring down the heroes with beady eyes lacking all empathy.
Thankfully, Kris came up with a strategy.
“Noelle, freeze its wings. Susie, help me tire it out. Ralsei, when it gets tired, cast Pacify.”
Immediately understanding the strategy, the heroes burst into action. Noelle cast IceShock, freezing two of the crow’s wings and effectively grounding it. Kris began swinging at its legs, blocking stray slashes with their shield and rolling out of the way of stomps. Susie, meanwhile, charged up more Rude Busters to launch at the crow.
Just then, however, the crow managed to catch Kris underfoot, the human struggling against the bird’s weight with their shield. Before Susie could intervene, however, one of the crow’s heads tried to bite down on her. She had to use her axe to keep its beak from closing the whole way, but that could only last for so long.
“Ralsei, what do we do?!” Noelle panicked.
“I don’t know! I don’t have any attacking spells, and I doubt my scarf will do anything!”
“I can use my spells either, I’d risk freezing Kris or Susie!”
Just as all hope seemed lost, however, a single piercing slash cut through the darkness. The very world itself paused for a moment, before the head biting down on Susie slid off its body.
Stepping off Kris, the monster crow screeched and writhed in pain, and from the abyss of Castle Town’s endless night sky descended the former Roaring Knight, December Holiday.
Her Dark World form was actually not that different from the Knight. Her armour was slightly brighter, allowing for some crystalline snowflake patterns to be visible. She lost her ability to shapeshift and manipulate the darkness itself, but her skillset remained otherwise the same, down to her lightspeed sword reflexes and floating daggers. She could even still fly!
“Now, Ralsei!”
At Kris’ command, Ralsei immediately cast Pacify on the still flailing crow. Within moments its movements slowed to a crawl, followed by its eyes slamming shut. The beast was out cold, and Castle Town breathed a sigh of relief.
Descending from her vantage point, Dess lifted her helmet to reveal her face and raised an eyebrow at her younger friends.
“Can someone please explain what led to this, please?” She eyed Susie in particular.
“Ok, look… long story short, I accidentally had dates with all three of my partners planned for today, and instead of just coming clean I thought I could actually go on all three dates at the same time like an idiot…” Susie explained with a look of pure guilt.
“You’re not an idiot Susie.” Kris stared bluntly, surprising their girlfriend.
“It’s like Ralsei said, we’re all inexperienced at this! Plus, polyamorous relationships are probably a lot more complicated than monogamous ones, so we should cut ourselves a little slack!” Noelle continued, holding Susie’s hand all the while.
“Yeah, sometimes you gotta learn the hard way that communication is key in relationships. Like me and Azzy…” Dess shook her head before asking, “don’t you guys have a group chat?”
The blank looks she received spoke volumes.
“Wh-seriously? NONE of you thought of making a group chat to organise dates and other events now that you’re all sharing a partner?!”
“It just… didn’t occur to us?” Ralsei looked sheepish while the others just facepalmed at themselves.
“How?! I thought it would just be common sense for a polycule, like…” Dess looked around for something to prove her point.
“That bird was Pissing me off.”
That would do.
“You three! Did you get the idea to make a group chat as soon as you got together?”
“Why of course!” Lanino replied.
“It’s only common sense for a polycule!” Elnina added.
“I am the original StarWalker.” StarWalker.
“ALRIGHT, WE GET IT! Geez…” Susie huffed. She was exhausted after today.
“Hey, um… how about we all go relax in the castle? I think we could all do with some cake after that!” Everyone eagerly accepted Ralsei’s offer, and the merry band made their way to the castle to finally unwind.
From the shadows, one Mr (Ant) Tenna lurked, his antennae pinging as he communicated remotely.
“Mike, did you get all that?… Perfect! This is gonna be our greatest creature feature ever: SUSIEZILLA AND THE LIGHTNERS VS TRICORVIS! The audience will be glued to their seats!”
Chapter 5: A Boring, Regular Date
Notes:
Special thanks to bimblumbo for commenting on the last chapter and inadvertently sparking the idea for both this and a future episode! (not the next one because I don’t want to focus on the same characters or ships for too many episodes in a row)
Thank you again!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
holidaygirl1225: Hello! Um, I have a question…
IMNOTBARNEY: whaddup?
holidaygirl1225: How would you feel about me… asking to go on a date with Kris?
IMNOTBARNEY: u mean u me n kris
holidaygirl1225: No, I mean just me and Kris… dating each other. And you too.
IMNOTBARNEY: o ok dunno y ur askin me
holidaygirl1225: So you’re alright with it?
IMNOTBARNEY: ya
MossMuncher: sick. wanna meet up tomorrow after school, Nelly?
holidaygirl1225: Yes! I’m really looking forward to our date, Kris!
MossMuncher: me too
Ralsei: Have fun you two!
Following another day of hard work and diligent studies (Kris trying to feed Susie all the gum under the tables while they don’t pay attention at all) Noelle and Kris were finally ready to start their date!
The childhood friends would have never even considered this before, but their adventures in the Dark World, combined with their newfound relationship with Susie…
Well, life rarely follows a plan. At least, as far as the heroes of prophecy are concerned.
The sky was a little cloudy today, but the chances of rain were fairly low. The pair walked hand in hand, with no real destination in mind.
“I’m kinda bored.” Kris piped up, “Wanna look for something interesting around town?”
Noelle considered the offer. On the one hand, the things Kris found interesting were oftentimes dangerous, scary, poisonous, asinine or some combination of all those. On the other hand…
“Sure!” What’s the harm, really?
And so the pair continued their aimless wandering, searching for anything interesting.
Suddenly, a window from one of the apartment complexes shattered to pieces with a loud CRASH! Officer Undyne landed on the floor with a roll, a bit cut up but looking no worse for wear.
“Good afternoon, kids!” She greeted with a tip of her hat, before leaping back up to the window in a single bound and clashing with some grotesque purple reptile the size of a car.
Kris and Noelle stared at the fish lady, then each other, and shrugged. Most people would’ve been excited or worried or even scared by the sight of the local police chief battling some escaped mutant reptile, but for the people of Hometown who live with Undyne every single day?
The fish may as well have been teaching the mechanics of cement drying.
At the park, Kris was hoping to at least find some moss to eat, but unfortunately the trees had just been polished, leaving nothing but squeaky clean, marble-smooth bark.
Couldn’t even climb it.
“Kris, look!”
The human followed their date’s finger.
“Buggy!”
Indeed, a lone rhinoceros beetle waddled through the grass. Kris and Noelle knelt down to look at it more closely, expecting it to do something interesting.
While the two were utterly engrossed, a bizarre, onion-shaped being arose from the water. It was out of breath and bruised, some parts of it peeling, but it grinned with relief when it spotted Kris.
“Krisp! It’s me!-” before the monster could speak what it thought its name was, a muddy, gnarled claw grabbed its head and tried to drag it back down. The onion instead hoisted its attacker up and out of the water with its tentacles, revealing a vaguely crocodilian abomination. Its hide was covered with mud and lakeweed, its yellow eyes were bloodshot, and its teeth were each the size of a claymore.
“YOU WON’T DESTROY THIS TOWN, Y’HEAR LAKE FREAK?!” The onion exclaimed as it used every bit of its strength to constrain the creature. Attempting to suffocate the beast, the unsung saviour of Hometown used every last tentacle at its disposal to drag the crocodilian back to the depths from whence it came, but the creature broke free and bit off two of its attacker’s tentacles.
“GYAAAAAAAHHHHH!” The onion screamed in anguish, and the lake turned dark with its blood. Thinking quick, the onion managed to reclaim its lost tentacles and tied them around the nubs tightly, cutting off the bleeding. Then, it eyed the monster threatening its home.
“I’ll admit… you’re strong. Very strong. However, I have something the likes of you will never have!” The mud crocodile’s throat rumbled, either in confusion or indifference. Difficult to say.
“I have… MY FRIEND KRIS! They will always stand by my side y’hear?! And with their support, I CAN’T LOSE! I will fight to my last breath to keep the people of Hometown safe, this I promise! THIS IS TO GO! EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!”
The onion floated up out of the water, and a shining aura surrounded it completely. Its peel turned a brilliant gold, and it grew a hundred more tentacles, each tough as steel. With a mighty war cry, the onion charged up an attack of pure energy and friendship from its base, spinning like a jet engine all the while. The crocodile creature could only watch on in terror as the blinding light of its demise rapidly approached, completely vapourising it from this plane of life.
Panting, the onion’s power dissipated, and it slowly sank back down into the lake. Utterly exhausted beyond its limits, the aquatic monster shut its eyes and slowly sunk to the bottom of the lake for a well-earned slumber.
Not without a smile on its face, however.
The sheer force of the clash caused rain to fall out of the sky, and Kris and Noelle, both oblivious to the conflict that ended right behind them, groaned with frustration.
“I thought the beetle was about to fly, too!” Noelle complained, already dreading a soggy jumper.
“Let’s just find some shelter.” Kris decided. And with that, the now safe couple rushed off to anywhere dry.
Ice-E’s Pezza, a fun place for the whole family! Well, ok, maybe not fun exactly… But it’s a great place to eat some tasty food! Well, no, it’s not really tasty… in fact it’s not really food, either…
“Kris, why did we pick here?” Noelle asked as she could already feel her fur getting stuck to… something on her chair.
“I figured with Pizzapants working his shift we might get to see something funny. Except, I don’t really see him…”
As a matter of fact, Ice-E’s was completely deserted. Or at least, it looked that way…
In the very back of the restaurant, behind closed freezer door, Pizzapants took cover behind a stack of mouldy frozen pizzas. The Purple Guy had suddenly snapped, and decided to become a fireaxe wielding murderer. He even sewed his Ice-E costume in such a way that it could never be taken off.
“Come out, little toppings… the pezza needs sauce…”
Pizzapants had to hold his jaw shut to stop his teeth chattering. His thoughts were all over the place, fear clouding his train of thought. He thought about his fellow employees, who just abandoned him, who just ditched him, who just-
Just…
Blue Ears…
Pizzapants silently sobbed. He couldn’t stay angry at Blue Ears for running away. He was glad, in fact. That rabbit was too nice for this world, too nice for Pizzapants… if anyone should bite the big one, it should be Pizzapants, not Blue Ears.
“I can smell your tears, pretty kitty…”
The cat monster’s hair stood on end. Purple Guy was getting too close now. He had to get out, he had to-
“Kris, that’s so gross! Fahaha!”
Kris? What was Asriel’s little sibling doing here?
“Ooohh… fresh meat…”
That was the last straw. Pizzapants was a coward, true. He could own up to that. But there are some things he’ll fight for, and his little buddy’s life is one of those!
Channeling The Warrior, Pizzapanta took a deep breath, grabbed one of the frozen pizzas, and rushed out of his hiding place with a war cry. He smashed the icy disk over Purple Guy’s head and wrapped his arms around the larger monster’s neck, sinking his claws into the maniac’s flesh to keep his grip.
Brandishing a pizza cutter, Purple Guy managed to cut up the overworked employee’s arms, but the cat at least managed to scratch up his mask a bit before being thrown off.
“I tawt I taw a puddy tad…” Purple Guy taunted his victim. Looming over him, weapon glistening red with Pizzapants’ blood…
The killer was stopped when a meat cleaver was lodged into his spine. With only a grunt, he fell over with a wet thump against the door to the kitchen. Pizzapants looked up at his saviour…
“Blue Ears!”
“C’mon, let’s get outta here!” The blue rabbit grabbed Pizzapants’ hand, sending a jolt through the cat.
“I… always come… back…”
Ignoring their would-be killer’s mumblings, the two Ice-E employees fled the restaurant through the back doors, running as fast as they could to the police station…
Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Kris was busy making mouth noises while Noelle tried to play music with a fork.
“I’m gonna go see if there’s anyone actually working today.” Noelle said as she got up from her chair, and Kris just nodded. They made more mouth noises.
“Hello? Anyone here?” Noelle wandered through the empty kitchen. It was almost eerie how quiet it was. The deer stopped herself from taking another step when she noticed a strange, red liquid leaking from under the kitchen freezer door…
The back door was open too. Suddenly, she pieced together what happened.
“Kris, I think the freezer’s broken. Tomato sauce was leaking all over the floor. The employees are probably out trying to fix it.”
“Damn. At least it stopped raining, let’s look for something else to do.”
The birds were singing. Flowers were blooming. The fresh scent of petrichor told Sans that he’d finally made it. He’d made it back.
Back to the place where it rained.
He took a deep breath, and held it for as long as he could. When he exhaled again, it came out as a shaky sigh.
He’d probably have to go back for his bro, but that’s ok. The two of them could finally live happily again where they belonged.
The bushes rustled. Sans lazily turned to face whatever was there. Probably a deer or something.
And a deer it was! One wearing a Christmas jumper, with her eyes glued to the ground as if searching for something. Unfortunately, she seemed to not be paying enough attention, because she tripped over a particularly mossy rock and stumbled antlers-first into Sans’ machine, causing it to malfunction and hop through spacetime again.
Shaking the stars out of his skull, Sans saw that he was back inside the CORE. The deer girl from before was trying desperately to unlodge herself from the machine.
“I’m Wing Gaster, the Royal Scientist!”
With a surprised scream, Noelle jumped back, dislodging herself and crashing into the Royal Scientist.
The Scientist was standing by the very edge of the platform, on which he didn’t install any safety rails. You’re smart, you can deduce what comes next.
His scream was cut off when he fell head first into the fiery pits of the CORE, and Noelle looked on in pure horror and what she just did.
Meanwhile, from the holes her antlers left in the machine, a stream of electricity zapped Noelle. She convulsed for a few seconds, then vanished into thin air again, leaving Sans alone with the malfunctioning device.
Eventually, something burst inside the contraption and a plume of black smoke slowly rose from every crevice. Sans’ life work had literally gone up in smoke. Now he had no chance of getting home again.
He only had one thing he could possibly say in this situation.
“oh deer.”
Noelle opened her eyes and picked herself up off the floor. Why was she on the floor in the first place? She remembers asking Kris to wait for her by the church while she looked for something…
She must have just tripped. Tripped over…
“Aha!” Noelle picked up the particularly mossy rock by her hooves and held it high. The perfect gift!
“There you are. Found what you needed to?” Kris asked the moment they saw Noelle reemerge from the foliage.
“Yup! Here you go!” Noelle giggled as she offered Kris the particularly mossy rock. She had lovingly tied a ribbon around it in a bow, making it look like a Christmas present. Kris’ eyes went wide, and they shakily clutched the rock, cherishing it like a sacred object.
A sacred object they proceeded to shove in their mouth and suck. They resembled a Darwin Fish.
“Fahaha! I also have some chocolate to go with that if you want!” Noelle offered a small chocolate bar, which Kris eagerly snatched and smeared all over the slightly less mossy rock.
“I literally love you Noelle. I hope that when I die, it’s in your and Susie’s arms, where you two will be there to comfort me while Chaaron ferries us down the river Styx.”
“… ok???”
Kris said nothing else and just kissed Noelle. She was blushing too hard in that moment to notice just how gross the kiss was, considering what the human had just been eating.
Castle Town, home to the Grand Fountain! Surely, Kris and Noelle were guaranteed to find something exciting to see or do here! The TV Studio, for example, is the nexus of entertainment in the town. With or without its marvellous host, the studio is always lively, jam-packed with new activities and-
Closed for repairs.
Ok, well perhaps they could share a nice cup of tea at the Colour Café. The live entertainment and welcoming atmosphere made it the single most popular stop for Darkners and Lightners alike, a little den of comfort for others to rest their weary feet.
Except today. Today, the café was closed due to a Maus infestation. Apparently they snuck in by wearing wigs.
The Sound Studio then? Closed while Sweet Cap’n Cakes work on some important commissions.
The Battle/Love Dojo? Closed while Cap’n of Sweet Cap’n Cakes works on some important commissions.
Seam’s shop? Closed while Sweet Cap’n Cakes-
“UUUUGGGGHHH! How did we pick the most boring day ever to have our date?” Kris whined as they scraped their sword on the ground. The noise was far from pleasant, but at least it was some form of stimulation.
“That just means we have to make our own fun, Kris! Let’s see what’s over by the east side of town.”
Thankfully there was something interesting. One of the Addisons was apparently running a betting pool for animal races. Noelle had some ethical concerns initially, but the Addison reassured her that all the racers were treated and cared for humanely.
“Now, you kids can bet either your parents’ money or whatever objects you have in your pockets!” The pink Addison informed their new customers.
“I bet this on number 3.” Kris removed a DogDollar from their pocket.
“Oh… lovely.” The Addison pinched the DogDollar and added it to the pile, consisting of several hundred Dark Dollars, a squeaky bone and a snowglobe.
“So what animals are racing?” Noelle inquired as she took a seat next to the race track. It was rather small, so she expected it would be rabbits or something.
Instead of answering, the Addison opened the gates, and from their little cardboard boxes emerged…!
Snails.
“Uuuuuuugggghhhhhhh…” Kris moaned again. Noelle didn’t let it get to her however, she began gently encouraging snail number 3 to keep going.
A little squeak caught the Addison’s attention. They craned their head around to see a little white dog where the DogDollar used to be, chewing on the squeaky bone.
“Hey, that’s not yours!” The Addison tried to grab the bone from the dog, but the tiny mutt hopped on its feet and ran away at sonic speeds. It ran so fast, in fact, that it blew a newspaper right out of a Rudinn’s hands.
The newspaper fluttered through the air and landed on the windscreen of a Plugboy’s car.
“Ah! Danger! Can’t see, can’t see! Lean into the swerve!” The terrified plug screamed as it lost control of its vehicle. The car tripped over its own two feet and crashed directly into the newly refurbished Top Bakery, sending the owner into tears.
A tyre from the car bounced away, rolling on towards…
“For da last time, pal! We’s didn’t order no giant trampolines!”
“BUT, MY [top-rated] MAN! SURELY YOU COULD [multiple uses described below!] A GIANT TRAMPOLINE IN YOUR [relatively meaningless] LIFE!”
Before the Zapper could reiterate his refusal, Spamton was flattened by a stray tyre. Due to the unique shape and properties of the spammy little postman’s cranium, the tyre shot straight up and landed on one of the giant trampolines, shooting up even further into the abyssal darkness of the Dark World’s sky.
Meanwhile, at the titular castle of Castle Town, a pair of Swatchlings very carefully lugged a giant crate to the entrance.
“Be careful, you two! That’s full of Queen’s extra dangerous drinking glasses. Even a feather tapping them could be enough to detonate them!” Swatch reminded his workers.
“Excuseth me? Whye be there a giante crateth blockinge my waye?” Rouxls Kaard demanded from behind the colourful avians. Swatch was about to reiterate his warning, but paused at Rouxls’ appearance.
“Why are you dressed like a peacock?” Indeed, Rouxls Kaard wore an elaborate feathery costume, complete with massive green tail feathers fastened on his back.
“Is it noteth obvious? With this brilliante costumeth, I shall reclaimeth mine boos and expand mineth battle polycule to the scale of an entireth armye!”
Rouxls laughed in a very Rouxlsy way, when a rogue tyre from above struck him on the head. His costume was ruined and feathers flew everywhere while their wearer was pushed forwards, crashing face first into the crate. The Swatchlings ended up dropping it and its contents spilled out onto the floor, much to Swatch’s horror.
“DUCK AND COVER!” He screamed, and he and his Swatchlings hit the deck. Swatch risked a peek after he noticed that nobody had blown up yet.
The glasses were still miraculously intact.
Swatch breathed a sigh of relief, but was forced to suck it back up when he saw one of the feathers from Rouxls Kaard’s peacock costume gently flutter down and land ever so softly on one of the extra dangerous drinking glasses.
POP!
Noelle cheered as snail number 3 crossed the finish line. A party popper blew the moment the little mollusc won. Her gentle, continuous encouragement worked, and the snail managed to cross the finish line by just a hair!
“That party popper had a kick.” Kris commented, swearing they could feel the impact of the popper from the other side of the track.
“Well done! But, uh, sorry to say kids, but a little white dog ran off with most of the other prizes. You can take whatever’s left.”
Kris eyed the Addison suspiciously, but dropped it when they saw that the snowglobe was still there. They grabbed it and turned back to Noelle.
“Hang on, what about your money?”
“Keep it.”
“Welp, you don’t have to tell me twice!” The Addison grinned and ran off with the cash, leaving the human and deer alone.
“That’s a lovely prize, Kris! I love the little Gyftrot in the middle.” Noelle admired the beautiful ornament with sparkles in her eyes. They looked like glittery baubles.
“Thanks, but it’s actually not mine. It’s yours.” Noelle’s brief confusion gave way to joyous surprise as Kris handed her the festive snowglobe. She gave it a shake and marvelled at the little white flakes swirling in the water.
“Thank you so much, Kris! This is the best present I’ve ever gotten!” Kris tried to look proud, but after Noelle kissed them? They were reduced to Christmas pudding.
With the day soon coming to a close, the pair finally left Castle Town, each so blissfully unaware of the castle going up in flames while the pillar of light ascended them back to their own world.
holidaygirl1225: Thank you so much for going on that date with me, Kris! I can’t get over how much I love your present!!
IMNOTBARNEY: so it went gud then
MossMuncher: Ya, but kinda boring
MossMuncher: Good boring
IMNOTBARNEY: gud boring how
MossMuncher: I was with Nelly <3
holidaygirl1225: ANDUBEUBDHDHEJKEHWJEJDJE
IMNOTBARNEY: lol nice
IMNOTBARNEY: all thats left now is ralsei
IMNOTBARNEY: @Ralsei yo dude wen r u gonna date noelle n kris?
Ralsei: THE CASTLE IS ON FIRE!!!!
holidaygirl1225: WHAT?!
IMNOTBARNEY: WAT
MossMuncher: And we missed it? Give us a heads up next time, Ralsei.
MossMuncher: Geez.
Notes:
I left a tiny little hint in this episode about who the next one will focus on, can you guess what it is?
Chapter 6: Two Roommates and a Doll, Minus the Doll
Notes:
This one was a challenge to write at first, but really came together at the end. Please comment on whether or not you agree!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Life for Alphys has been going pretty well, recently. She was able to split her rent thanks to her new, strong, hot, ridiculously attractive roommate, she had someone to watch anime with who didn’t make fun of her, and Susie started paying attention in class!
Alright, well, not pay attention as such. She just doesn’t speak over Alphys anymore.
Currently the scaly teacher was living out her dream: her lights were off, she had a J-pop song playing and she and her life size Mew Mew doll were covered in glow sticks and band merch.
Her very own at-home J-pop concert!
Alphys could not be any happier if she tried…
SLAM!
“WAAARRRRK!” Undyne burst into the apartment like an unaddressed elephant. In her surprise, Alphys made a noise that definitively proved the relationship between dinosaurs and birds.
Switching the light on, Undyne threw her cap on the floor and tore her uniform off, sighing as she sank into the sofa.
“Fuuuuuccckkkk meeeee…” the fishy police chief sighed. She then finally noticed her roomie sweating bullets next to her giant doll.
“Alphys. This is the seventh time this week I’ve walked in on you doing… this. You don’t have to feel so awkward about it.”
Alphys started breathing again.
“S-so, um… did you… have a bad day?” Alphys asked Undyne, still a bit intimidated by the larger woman.
“Putting it lightly… where’s Susie?” Undyne changed the topic abruptly, looking around the apartment.
“Well, t-tomorrow is the weekend, so I told her she could have a sleepover at Castle Town!”
“Alright, good, I don’t have to hold back then.”
Undyne drew a deep breath.
“SUSIE’S PARENTS ARE THE WORST! A cuckoo would be a better parent than them! I mean, shit, I thought I’d seen some pretty rotten parents in my line of work, BUT IF I COULD BURY THOSE TWO FOSSILS MYSELF I WOULD!”
Undyne expected some banging on the wall from the neighbours, but they’d learned better after Undyne punched a hole through the wall in response.
“I don’t care if it takes a million years. I am gonna get those adoption papers and become Susie’s legal guardian, EVEN IF I GOTTA FIGHT ONE OF THOSE TITAN THINGS TO DO IT!”
Alphys coughed.
“Um… would you like to watch some anime? That could help you feel better. Unwind a bit?” Alphys regretted her words the moment they left her mouth. What sort of stupid question was that?!
“Actually, yeah. That sounds really good right about now. Maybe one of those Nibbly ones or whatever, those are pretty relaxing.”
The right sort of question, apparently.
Turning off her music but not bothering to put the rest of her setup away, Alphys chose the most relaxing, comforting anime movie from her collection and put it on. She settled next to Undyne on the sofa, and as soon as she did the fish lady wrapped an arm around her back.
“Is this ok? I can stop if you want, you’re just really comfy.”
“Y-y-y-y-yes-s-s! Thi-thi-th-this is f-f-fine!” Alphys struggled to even stutter out, glasses fogging up despite her cold blood. Undyne eyed her a bit, but left her arm where it was when Alphys held it in place.
The two women spent the rest of the night huddled together on the sofa, watching anime with a lifesize Mew Mee doll and eventually falling into slumber together.
Despite her embarrassment, for the first time ever, Alphys felt like nothing could go wrong…
A piercing scream awoke Undyne with a start. Instinctually, she rolled off the sofa and dashed to the bedroom, returning with her spear in the blink of an eye.
“HANDS UP! POLICE!”
However, there was no intruder like she suspected. Instead, Undyne saw only Alphys. She stood through the doorway to her anime closet, hyperventilating and with tears streaking down her cheeks.
“Woah! Alphys, what happened?!” Undyne dropped her spear and knelt down, not sure how to comfort her roommate at this moment. Alphys couldn’t respond, instead just blubbering incoherently.
“Shit, I mess people up, not calm them down! Uh… ok, follow my lead!” Undyne breathed in deeply and held her breath for a few seconds. Alphys just about copied the action, and proceeded to breathe out once Undyne did so. They continued like this for three minutes before Alphys finally found her words again.
Had Undyne not been busy listening to her roomie, she would’ve marvelled at how she was able to do that.
“S-s-she’s, she’s gone!”
“Who’s gone?”
“Mew Mew! She was standing next to us last night, and now she’s gone!” Alphys sobbed, “I-I always dreamt about being friends with Mew Mew since I was a little girl, and with that doll, it finally came true! I could be happy and-and have a friend! A friend who didn’t pick on me, or call me names, or-or just pretend to be friends as a joke!”
Undyne grabbed Alphys’ face, interrupting another fit of sobbing.
“Alphys, listen to me. We ARE gonna find that creepy doll one way or another. I promise!”
“Really?”
“Of course! It’s literally my job, after all. And what kinda friend would I be if I didn’t help you out?”
Alphys’ pupils went giant.
“We’re… we’re friends?” She almost whispered, not quite believing it.
“Well, duh! We live together and share a bed, we’re friends at the bare minimum!” Undyne grinned as she stated what she thought was the most obvious fact in the world. Not even bothering to get dressed, she slung Alphys under a single arm and leapt out of the window, sprinting towards the police station.
Throwing on a spare uniform (of which she had many) and informing Deputy Napstablook about the situation, Undyne wasted no time launching an investigation.
“Alright, first thing’s first, we need to make sure we know what the stolen property looks like. ALPHYS!”
The school teacher jumped at Undyne’s volume, but quickly turned around a notepad in which she had drawn a very detailed depiction of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie.
“PERFECT! Next, we need to think of some potential suspects. NAPSTABLOOK!”
“Well………………….. the Wet Nose Bandits will steal pretty much anything……………………..”
“Alright, anything else?!”
“…………………..no……………………sorry………”
Undyne just hummed while Alphys looked nervous.
“Perhaps we should ask around town, then. Try and find out if anyone saw anything.”
“W-w-wait, shouldn’t we inspect the apartment? See if the thieves left any trace behind? I volunteer!” Alphys put her hand up as if she were one of her own students.
“No can do, Al! You’re the most familiar with the doll, I need you to be able to accurately confirm any potential eye-witness reports. Besides, Napstablook’s a ghost! They can see things the living can’t.” Undyne grinned once more.
“That’s right……………………………..guess I’ll go now…………………” Napstablook stuck around for a bit longer, then simply vanished from view.
“C’mon Alphys, I can’t do this without you!”
Undyne’s confidence must have been contagious, because Alphys soon grew a smile of her own and agreed to help.
Asriel breathed in the crisp, early morning air. This is what he missed the most about Hometown. The peace and quiet. The scent of flowers permeating from every little corner. He couldn’t understand how Dess could ever find this boring, the young goat just couldn’t get enough of this.
“POLICE! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!”
The beautiful moment was naturally interrupted when the local chief of police tackled Asriel to the ground. He knew better than to try struggling; he broke his nose trying to wrestle Undyne off him when they were at school together.
“OH MY GOSH! Undyne, get off him!” Alphys rushed over to the scene, trying in vain to pry the aquatic Hercules off her prey. Miraculously, she conceded without much of a fuss.
“Ow… ok, can I please know what I did this time?” Asriel groused, too familiar with Undyne’s nature to bother getting that upset.
“O-oh, nothing! We just, uh…” Alphys trailed off, prompting her friend to continue for her.
“We’re on the trail of a thief! They robbed us blind in the middle of the night, and I’m not letting them get away with it!” Undyne yelled at a level of intensity too much for most, but just right for her.
“A thief? Golly, what did they take?”
Alphys fidgeted on the spot. Undyne nudged her, and she eventually held out her drawing for Asriel to see.
“My… my life-sized Mew Mew Kissy Cutie doll…”
Asriel looked at his former teacher weirdly but not judgementally. He knew she had some pretty niche tastes, but so did he. Besides, his parents taught him it was wrong to judge others for their interests.
“That’s unfortunate. I didn’t see anything last night, I was at home with Kris and mom making pie. Although, Kris did pop out for a bit to find some snails for the pie, and they mentioned seeing something weird move through the forest. They specifically said they saw a pair of pigtails.”
“Just like Mew Mew’s!” Alphys gasped, overjoyed at having a lead.
“Details, flower boy! What patch of woods did Kris see the pigtails?”
“Near my dad’s shop. We always go there for snails because they love to eat dad’s flowers, so we just eat them instead. Y’know, this reminds me of a time Dad, Kris and I-”
Lost in his own little world now, Asriel continued yammering on about snails and dads and giant rabid crawfish, but Alphys and Undyne were already making for Flower King. They had just picked up a scent, now it was time to follow it.
“Dum dee dum dee dum~” Asgore happily sang to himself as he watered his beloved flowers. He didn’t jump or even turn around when the door slammed open and rattled on its hinges. He just set down his watering can and wiped off his hands.
“Howdy, Undyne! Have you come here to buy some flowers for… someone special?” Asgore inquired once he noticed Alphys next to his old friend and former colleague.
Both women stammered for a moment, interrupting each other and trying to deny anything, but stopped when they heard Asgore laugh from his belly.
“Hohohoho! Just a joke, don’t worry! So, how may I help you?”
Undyne just scoffed and rolled her eyes, secretly glad Asgore still hasn’t stopped being his dorky self.
“We’re on the trail of a robber. Whoever it was, they snuck into our apartment and stole something valuable from Alphys! I talked with your son earlier and he mentioned that Kris saw something in the woods near your shop. Did you see or hear anything suspicious? Anything at all?”
“Hmm, let me think… What exactly did this person steal? Perhaps that may help me remember something from last night.” Asgore tapped a finger on his chin.
“It was… m-my life size Mew Mew Kissy Cutie doll.” Alphys mumbled again as she once more showed her drawing off. Asgore squinted at it for a moment, then snapped his fingers in realisation.
“Someone like that broke into my shop last night and stole some pink dahlias!” The titular flower king exclaimed.
“Were they carrying the doll?!” Undyne shook Asgore violently and sprayed the question at him, but he was hardly phased.
He was more than used to it.
“Um, not exactly… they actually looked exactly like the doll.”
The two women gawked at Asgore’s statement. Neither was sure of what to say.
“Can I… get you anything? A snack or some tea?”
“No… no, it’s ok, Asgore. You’ve helped out enough.”
Undyne and Alphys turned to leave, but the police officer screeched to a halt and turned to glare at Asgore.
“HOLD ON! Your store got robbed and you saw the perpetrator, AND YOU DIDN’T PHONE THE POLICE?!”
“Well, I just figured that perhaps whoever it was might have been in a hurry and needed those flowers for something important! Perhaps they’d drop the money off later?”
Undyne facepalmed at her old friend’s stupidity while her new friend just stared. Then, she grabbed a bouquet of random flowers and placed some cash near the register, stomping out of the store once she was done.
Undyne felt like she was back at square one. She sat with her head in her hands at the police station, trying to rationalise what little evidence she had collected. Apparently, the doll just got up and moved by itself?
Yeah, right!
And why steal flowers as well? Mew Mew has a pollen allergy!
Not that… she’d know or anything…
Shut up.
Undyne’s eye started twitching in response to a slittering noise in front of her desk. She looked up and saw that the source was Alphys pacing back and forth around the police station, claws scraping across the floor. It was starting to grate on the police chief.
“Al, could ya keep down? I’m trying to concentrate here.”
“Oh, s-sorry Undyne! I’m just- so nervous, is all! I mean, between Mew Mew going missing, and Asgore’s story, and me forcing you to d-do this like some- some selfish jerk, and- and-”
“Hey, hey, woah! Hold on, slow down a second!” Had hopped over her desk and was holding both of Alphys’ hands. She had started smacking herself without even realising.
“Where did all this come from?”
“It’s just-sniff-I’m forcing you to go to all this trouble… just to find an anime doll you don’t even like!” Alphys was once more on the verge of tears.
“That’s not true, Alphys. At least, not completely. Yeah I think that doll’s super creepy, but you aren’t forcing me to do anything! I’m helping you find it because I want to.” Undyne said in the softest tone she could muster. So, about that of a ripe apple.
“But… didn’t you say it was just your job?” Alphys continued, still adamantly refusing the possibility of someone being altruistic to her.
“Yeah, it is my job. As a friend. Also as a police officer, but that doesn’t make a difference. If I was like, a martial artist, or a royal knight or something, I’d still go through all the trouble of finding this doll for you. That’s what true friends do for each other.”
Alphys felt herself wanting to cry again, but for a different reason now. Undyne had sounded so earnest admitting that, so confident that it was just common sense…
The two looked into each other’s eyes. Their hands gently grasping those of their partner’s, they could feel a tension forming between their faces. Focusing on their lips. Without thinking, they both leaned closer, rapidly filling the gap until-
“Undy-oh…………………………I spoiled the moment………………………….sorry……..”
Alphys fell over and rushed to a corner on all fours, curling up into a tight ball. Undyne just sighed and stood up straight, addressing her deputy.
“Don’t worry about it. Find anything?”
“Yeah………………………….traces of ectoplasm………………………….”
“So it was a ghost then?” Undyne racked her brain, trying to think if she knew any other ghosts besides Napstablook.
“Not necessarily……………………………all it takes to leave ectoplasm behind is to feel empty like a ghost……………………………………a fast food worker for example…………..”
With that, Undyne snapped her fingers, feeling a light bulb go off inside her head.
“Hey Alphys, you good?”
“Yeah… I just needed a moment.” The teacher mumbled as she got back up on her feet and dusted herself off.
“Good! Cause I know who our perp is!”
Pizzapants groaned to himself as he continued to skive off work. He nearly gets chopped to bits by a serial killer and the company doesn’t so much as give him a coupon for compensation.
Typical, really.
Going for his twelfth smoke break that hour, Pizzapants’ cigarette flew out of his fingers when the entire restaurant shook. Officer Undyne rushed past the eating area at the speed of a bullet, leapt over the counter and tackled Pizzapants through the window, cuffing him once they were on the grass.
“You’re under arrest! You have the right to remain silent, anything you do say can and will be used against you in court!”
“THAT WAS A NORMAL CIGARETTE, I SWEAR!” Pizzapants screamed without thinking. He and Undyne just stared at each other in silence, until Pizzapants decided to break it.
“Um… why am I being arrested?” The overworked employee questioned meekly.
“For breaking into my and Alphys’ apartment and stealing her life size Mew Mew Kissy Cutie doll!”
As if on cue, Alphys arrived at the back of Ice-E’s Pezza. She was panting and leaning on her knees, out of breath, but eventually found her voice again.
“Why… hoof! Why do you think it’s this guy that did it?”
“Isn’t it obvious? He’s a fast food worker whose soul has been sucked out, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and he’s desperate for any contact with something even vaguely resembling a woman! This is our guy, I’m sure!” Undyne asserted, hoisting the cuffed Pizzapants up with her as she stood up.
“Alright, first of all ouch. Second of all, you know me scarily well lady…” Pizzapants grumbled before his face contorted even more that it already had been, “except let me ask you this. Do you think I’m REALLY stupid enough to try and rob a police officer, let alone YOU?!”
Undyne blinked, not wanting to admit that the cat monster made a good point.
“I may be looking forward to the sweet embrace of death to relieve me from this nightmarish existence I’ve been cursed with, but even I don’t want to see my own beating heart stuck on the end of a harpoon!” Pizzapants continued, sweating up a waterfall.
“Zip it, pizza man! I’ll just have to search your home to make sure you’re telling the truth! So where is your home, anyway?!” Undyne tried to shake the answer out of Pizzapants, who thought better about mentioning the need for a warrant. Instead, he jabbed his head at the bin sitting against the wall of his workplace.
Still not letting go of her prisoner, Undyne lifted the bin’s lid open and found an array of old, grimy pillows and a torn up blanket nestled to one side.
“Dude… do you live here?” Undyne asked with disbelief. Alphys put her hands over her mouth.
“Yup. Lemme tell ya, it’s pretty convenient! Saves time and energy commuting to work. Because I don’t have to. Y’know, commute. Cus I live here. At work.” The existential dread dripping from Pizzapants’ tone was more pungent than his bed.
Opening the other lid confirmed that Pizzapants was innocent, and Undyne swore while Alphys just looked on at the road, beginning to lose hope…
That is, until she spotted a feminine figure with pink pigtails and cat tail sprinting down the other side of the road. Their skin reflected sunlight like plastic.
“UNDYNE! I SEE HER! IT’S MEW MEW, SHE’S ACROSS THE ROAD!”
Wasting no time, Undyne dropped Pizzapants and grabbed Alphys by her scruff, leaping into the air and giving pursuit.
“Hey, Pizzapants, have you seen the big knife?” Blue Ears asked, poking his head out of the back door. Pizzapants, belly down on the floor and still handcuffed, didn’t reply.
“STOP RIGHT THERE, PUNK! YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER!”
“YES I CAN, CAN, CAN!”
The possessed doll now sprinted on all fours, weaving through traffic and civilians in her escape. In turn, Undyne just barged through all the obstacles as if they weren’t there. If people were smart, they knew to get out of her way. If they weren’t?
She could deal with it later.
The Mew Mew skidded to a halt in front of a ghost-shaped house, which Undyne recognised as Napstablook’s. Setting Alphys down, the police fish pounded her fists together and bore her gnarly teeth.
“Nowhere left to run now, punk!”
Undyne’s yellow slit eyes locked on to Mew Mew’s beady glass ones. The atmosphere grew tense, both fish and doll trying to anticipate their opponent’s first move…
Undyne moved first, leaping towards Mew Mew in a flying judo kick, but Mew Mew dodged out of the way and went for a scratch. Undyne’s scales were too thick, however.
“So you were a ghost, after all!” Undyne quickly picked herself up, not letting her guard down for a second.
“That’s right! A ghost in desperate need of a body! Do you have any idea what it feels like to be thinner than a gas?! It’s miserable, miserable, MISERABLE!” Mew Mew punctuated each ‘miserable’ with a punch to Undyne’s face, which she took without even flinching.
The police officer grabbed one of the doll’s fists and twisted it, but naturally this didn’t do anything. Instead, Mew Mew popped the arm off at the elbow and swept Undyne off her feet, reclaiming the lost limb soon after.
“Ngh… that still doesn’t explain why you stole those flowers!”
“Well, I knew as soon as I possessed this body that it was me, me, ME! But I was havin’ trouble fusing, so I figured I should make myself angry!”
Undyne leapt to her feet and delivered a roundhouse kick to Mew Mew’s head, knocking it off its shoulders. Alphys screamed a bit, but the headless body of Mew Mew just dashed to where the head had rolled and popped it back on, no worse for wear.
“Since this Mew Mew character hates flowers, I figured a bout of allergies would rile me up no problem! Except, guess what?! DOLLS DON’T HAVE ALLERGIES!”
Mew Mew scaled the wall of the house and tried to drop elbow-first on Undyne, but the fish just grabbed her opponent and slammed her to the ground.
“Yeesh, I almost felt that one… then, I went to that pizza joint and ordered somethin’ real complicated! I thought that if they got my order wrong, I’d surely blow my top! Instead they got it all right, right, RIGHT!”
Mew Mew rolled out of the way of another stomp and got back up to her feet. Both combatants were now back where they started, neither have been able to injure the other in any significant way.
“Heh, that’ll make the trial a whole lot easier, you already gave your confession!”
“NOT ON MY WATCH, COPPER! I still have one secret weapon…” Mew Mew grinned menacingly and pulled something from under her dress.
“KNIVES!”
Alphys covered her eyes as Mew Mew threw her knife at Undyne with shocking skill. The fish ducked under the first knife, then prepared for the second one…
That never came.
“I’m all out of knives…” Mew Mew suddenly sounded nervous.
“Alright pal, show’s over.” Undyne gruffed as she got a fresh pair of handcuffs.
“Wait! Look, you can lock me up, ok?! Just, please, don’t take away this body! I’ve waited and searched and waited and searched for so long, and now I’ve finally found the perfect body for me! Please…! Please don’t take this away from me now!” As Mew Mew’s pleas grew more desperate the closer Undyne got, Alphys felt something stir in her. She made up her mind then and there.
“STOP!” Undyne obeyed, not expecting this kind of outburst from Alphys of all people. The lizard carefully walked up to Mew Mew and offered a hand, which the possessed doll took after some hesitation.
“My doll… it really means a lot to you, huh?”
“Yes… it’s the perfect body for me! So cute, and kawai! Such a puffy dress and a cute tail! And the hair, oh the hair! It looks exactly like the body I have in my dreams!” Mew Mew gushed. Alphys could see that tears were somehow pooling in the doll’s eyes.
“I understand the feeling… Growing up, I never had any friends. No real ones, anyway. I was alone, and depressed. Abandoned. But then, in middle school, I discovered anime. Mew Mew Kissy Cutie was the first anime I ever watched, and it changed my life for the better! It felt like, even though all the kids at school couldn’t care less if I just dropped dead, I at least had some imaginary friends on the other side of the screen to keep living for. In hindsight it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but…” Alphys sniffled, and both Undyne and Mew Mew looked slightly worried. Sighing shakily, Alphys continued on.
“I’m getting off topic. The point is, that doll was meant to be a replacement friend for me. Someone to watch anime with me, and have stay-at-home J-pop concerts with me, and just… be my friend. But now… now I have a real friend. A real friend who can do all those things with me, and doesn’t judge or make fun of me for it.” Alphys admitted with a watery smile. She looked back at Undyne, and the police officer looked touched by the confession, to say the least.
“I don’t need the Mew Mew doll anymore. However, you obviously do. Let’s be honest, you using it as a body is a far better use than anything I could do with it!” Alphys giggled, and Mew Mew joined in. Then, without warning, Alphys hugged the ghost possessing what was once her doll, shocking everyone. Even herself.
“I forgive you for stealing the Mew Mew doll. In fact, I’m gifting it to you!”
Mew Mew flinched. Some deep, primordial feeling had been triggered in her, and it was just… so overwhelming. Unfamiliar.
“Is… is this what they call love?” Whatever it was, she could tell it strengthened her bond with this body tenfold. It almost felt like she could fuse with it fully right then and there, in its former owner’s arms.
“Yup. Mew Mew uses it all the time to resolve the plot of every episode.”
“Huh… heh heh. It… it might be a while before I fuse with this body, but this is a start. Thank you, short lady, and thank you officer! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome. Just don’t make a habit of stealing things, alright?” Undyne grunted as she put up a tough wall. She didn’t want anyone knowing she actually had feelings.
“Hi Maddy………………………..hi Undyne………………..hello Alphys……….” Napstablook would’ve startled everyone were they not so quiet.
“Wait, you know this person?!” Undyne gaped at her spectral colleague.
“Yeah…………………she’s my cousin………………………we live together…………….”
“And did you know about her little night escapade?!!"
“………………………..yeah………………”
“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US IMMEDIATELY?!”
“Sorry…………………………I thought it was a different doll………………………”
“Hey guys, sorry I’m home late. Castle Town blew up or something, so-” Susie was swept off her feet the moment she stepped through the front door of the apartment and hoisted on Undyne’s shoulders. She was wearing an anime t-shirt that was far too small for her and singing badly along with lyrics in another language, waving at least a dozen glowsticks around. Alphys was in a very similar state, but her shirt actually fit her and she sounded like she actually understood what the lyrics were.
“What’s going on?!”
“J-POP CONCERT!” Was all Undyne bothered to say to Susie. The girl asked other questions, but went ignored.
Alphys was in her own little world. She couldn’t believe this was really happening. Her hot, strong, ridiculously attractive friend was dancing to J-pop with her, and not even ironically!
Truly, Alphys could not be any happier if she tried…
Notes:
And with that, my favourite Undertale character joins the cast! We’ll be seeing a lot more of her, this I promise…
Chapter 7: The Obligatory One
Notes:
Every sitcom needs one of these. It’s the law basically. Thankfully, I like body swap stories, so this was a joy to write! Hope it’s also a joy to read!
Chapter Text
Dess kept her eyes on the ground as she surveyed the battlefield. Her opponent could be anywhere, and pop up at any moment…
“Howdy!”
A slash. Dess only managed to chop up a few petals.
“Golly, you’re tense!”
A barrage of bullets pelted Dess’ back, and she had to parry each one. On instinct, the deer whirled around and blocked a Chaos Saber from her caprine opponent, who just a few seconds ago was a flower.
“You’ve finally learned to fib once in your life, eh Azzy?” Dess taunted as she effortlessly held back Asriel’s much larger blade.
“Grrr! Polisci isn’t the only thing I learned at college! Check this out!”
Breaking off from the sword clash, Asriel obscured his face from view for a moment. When he looked back up…
Woah.
WOAH.
Asriel’s dark world form was already the last thing anyone would expect from him. He wore one of the robes from the church, but with the Delta Rune inverted. His face was decorated with black streaks accentuating his eyes, which were black at the sclera with white pupils. Dess already found this ludicrously attractive, but with the smoulder her boyfriend was giving her?
Her nose was akin to a star at this point.
She didn’t even realise she’d been blasted by Asriel’s Chaos Blaster until she registered that she was upside down and on the floor.
“YES! I finally won! Mwahahahaha! The Roaring Knight falls to the GOD OF HYPERDEATH!” Stupidly hot or not, Asriel remained the same dork as always.
“Ugh, that was so not fair, Azzy!” Dess complained as she reoriented herself upright and levitated back to the ring of the Battle/Love Dojo. Floating isn’t just a choice in her Dark World form, but a necessity since her feet are reduced to thin spikes.
“Oh, so it’s only fair when you win, then?” Asriel asked with a stupid smug tone and a stupid smug grin Dess wanted to smooch off the goat’s face.
Punch. She meant punch.
“It’s not that! You’re supposed to be my lame, adorkable boyfriend that I hype up whenever he walks into a building! Not some hot, gothic, chiselled Greek god!”
“Greek God of Hyperdeath!” Asriel corrected.
“Whatever! I wanna see you win without being able to pull off that stupid smoulder thing.” Dess crossed her arms and hoped she hid her blush well enough.
She didn’t.
“Ok, but in that case I wanna see you win without your sword hallway and flying daggers thing!” Asriel retorted.
“Did someonne asketh for a changeth in the rules?”
Rouxls Kaard made his usual entrance at the Battle/Love Dojo, appearing right between the quarreling lovers in a pillar of blinding light.
“Uh, not exactly…”
“I, Rouxls Kaard, shall permiteth thee to utilise the powere of the rules (pronouncedeth Rouxls) card to swap thine movesetsetheths!”
Before either Lightner could even agree to the man’s terms, he pulled a pair of cards out of his breast pocket and threw them at Asriel and Dess.
A plume of smoke burst from the fog machine Rouxls expertly hid behind his tiny ass, and when it cleared again, nothing looked different…
“What just happened, Azzy?” Asriel asked Dess.
“I’m not really sure, Dess.” Dess answered Asriel.
A beat passed before the two realised whose voice came out of who.
“WHY AM YOU?! WHY ARE YOU ME?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” The pair pointed at each other, but quickly turned to the one responsible. It was alarming how in sync they were currently.
“I did sayeth I wouldde swappeth thine movesets, didn’t Ieth?”
“Yes, but not our bodies!” Dess screamed from Asriel’s body.
“I guess technically he did also swap our movesets…” Asriel mused. He was quickly shut up by a glare from Dess, made extra scary by it being his own face.
Was Asriel always able to look THAT terrifying?
“Just change us back, you clown!” The deer in goat’s body got so angry that her hands set on fire.
“Ahahahaha! I wouldeth, except… I can’teth!”
“WHY NOT?!”
“The rouxls (pronounced rules) stateth that onlye aftereth a periodde of 24 hours can two swappeth back to their originalle bodies.” Rouxls explained, smiling to hide his trembling fear.
Dess would’ve incinerated the useless playing card right then and there if her boyfriend (currently in her own body) wasn’t there to stop her.
“Dess, if you kill this guy we’ll be stuck like this forever. We just have to wait it out.”
“Ugh… I hate it when you’re right.” Dess sighed and put herself out without knowing how.
“At least it won’t be so hard. Being you, I mean.” Dess absently commented as she examined her new fluffy hands.
“Hey, c’mon! I bet my life’s tougher than yours!” A look from Dess made Asriel reassess his statement.
“Alright, but my life isn’t as easy as you think!”
“Oh sure, having both my parents, an education and being friends with everyone in town. How exhausting.”
Asriel growled a bit before coming up with an idea.
“Alright, how about we make this interesting. It’s basically midnight right now, which means we have all of tomorrow to wait to go back to normal. We exchange schedules and live an average day as each other, then whoever had it the toughest wins this little bet.”
Dess considered this for a moment.
“What do we get if we win?”
“Loser cleans the winner’s room for a month.” Asriel knew the bet was stacked against him. Dess lives in dad’s shop while mom has the uncanny ability to tidy up a room by walking past it.
But that would ensure Dess would accept. Besides, Asriel was positive he had this in the bag.
“Alright. You’re on, Flowey!” Dess and Asriel shook hands. Rouxls intruded by adding his hand to the pile.
“Shalt I maketh this wager officialle?”
“NO!”
Dess was already sure she was going to win the moment she woke up in Asriel’s warm, soft bed with the sunlight licking the walls through the slits in the blinds.
Admittedly it was a little awkward changing with Kris there in the room with her. She wasn’t used to sharing a bedroom, but whatever.
The sweet scent of pie filled Dess’ nostrils, and it felt like she was floating again as she rushed down the stairs.
Kris followed at a normal pace, eyeing their brother a bit strangely. They shrugged, deciding they didn’t care that much.
“Good morning, my children! I hope you are ready for the day ahead.” Toriel greeted. She set down three plates with a slice of warm pie each.
“Thanks Mi-mom!” Dess corrected herself in time. She pat herself on the back for the quick save.
“I made your favourite today! Snail pie!” That explained why Dess was now pulling a face not unlike a confused bulldog.
“What’s up Azzy? D’you bite your tongue again?” Kris grinned at who they thought was their brother.
“Uh… yeah! That’s all! Mmm, snail pie!” Dess hammed it up. She knew it was excessive, but it was the only way to stop herself from wretching.
Dess loves Toriel’s pies, she really really does. However, she will never, for as long as she lives, understand why or how on Earth the Dreemurrs can stomach snails as a food, let alone consider it a delicacy.
Of course, she was the last to finish. Kris rushed off to the bathroom while Toriel looked at Dess with an odd look.
“Asriel, what is wrong? Do you not have an appetite this morning?”
“No, uh, I’m just… savouring the pie! Yeah, you made it extra tasty today, mom! I just… wanna taste every last bit of snaily goodness!” Dess thanked the Angel that Toriel didn’t question any further.
“Oh, you are much too kind! In that case, would you mind washing the dishes? I must get ready for work.”
Dess just nodded. Once Toriel went upstairs, the deer turned goat plugged her nose and shovelled the rest of the pie into her mouth, grateful that Asriel had such a huge set of jaws.
Washing up was no big deal, just three plates and three forks. Dess then rushed to the bathroom, eager to brush her teeth and wash the slimy taste of snails out of her mouth.
“BOOGA!”
Instead, she now tasted her own heart (or more accurately Asriel’s heart) in her mouth. Kris had apparently been hiding behind the door and waiting for their brother to open the door. December was so spooked she actually fell flat on her backside and clutched her chest.
“Kris, what the Hell?!” She didn’t get an answer straight away. Instead, Kris was too busy laughing hysterically.
“Dude, what’s up with you this morning? I do that every day, why’d it get you so badly this time?” Kris wheezed between laughs.
“I just thought… y’know, maybe you’d gimmie a break today?”
“What? Azzy, you know I don’t take breaks from being a menace. What’s up with you today?” Kris’ intense, scarlet gaze bore into Dess. It felt like they were staring directly into her soul.
“What’s up is that, uh… I got a thing, yeah, a thing! And I gotta get ready right now so get out now thank you bye!” Dess shoved Kris out the door and locked, breathing a sigh of relief.
Kris stood outside the door and stared. Asriel and Kris did every step of their morning routines together. Why was he acting so weird?
It’s almost like…
Almost like…
…
Asriel didn’t really know why Dess complained so much about the bed situation in dad’s shop. Sure, it wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t all that different from what he had at college, either.
Then he remembered who Dess’ mother was.
It felt a bit wrong to do his morning routine without Kris outside of college, but Asriel managed. True, his dad’s shop lacked a bathroom and he had to use a bucket placed under a leaky patch in the ceiling, but…
Actually, he had nothing. That did suck.
“Howdy, Dess! How are you this morning?”
“I’m fine, dad.”
“What?”
A blink. Two blinks. A pair of blinks.
“I said I’m fine, Mr Dreemurr.”
“I thought you called me dad?”
“Nope. Uh, I don’t think I did?”
“Oh dear… perhaps age is finally catching up to me…”
Asriel wiped some sweat of his- Dess’- no, his brow and sighed.
“Golly, that was close…”
The first item on Dess’ schedule was meeting Noelle at the graveyard. Asriel didn’t understand before why Dess liked hanging out there, but now that her father…
He’d do the same in her place.
Technically he was in her place right now.
Sitting on the bench with her legs kicking was Noelle. She gripped a notebook tightly and wore a worried expression.
“Howdy, Noelle!” Asriel waved, momentarily forgetting his entire situation.
“Dess? When did you start saying howdy? Is this because you’re living with Asriel’s dad?” Noelle giggled and didn’t notice the brief panic on her (supposed) sister’s face.
“UUHH, yeah! Y’know, that old cowboy lingo kinda rubs off on ya after a while! Hahaha!”
Feeling relieved, Asriel sat down next to Noelle. She turned to him with a serious look in her eyes.
“Now, I know what you’re gonna say Dess, but please listen to me this time. I am going to help you, and you can’t convince me otherwise.”
“Help me with what?” Asriel asked, stupidly.
“Talking to mom! It’s Thursday, remember? Now, I’ve written down some potential conversation points you can bring up, and I’m going to stick with you for moral support.”
Taking the notebook and flipping through it, Asriel was still at a bit of a loss. Most of what Noelle had written down looked like reasons for Dess to…
To not come back home.
Oh, dear.
“Listen, Nelly, this is great, but-”
“December.”
The world froze. Asriel could see his own breath. Carol Holiday loomed over, despite Dess being physically taller.
Asriel gulped, but that didn’t clear the lump in his throat.
“I am going to start simple. Will you return home?”
“N-no.” Asriel hated saying no to Carol. Not because he cared about pleasing her, but because that was just about one of the worst decisions a person could take in their life.
How Dess does it on a near daily basis still baffles him.
“How long is this going to go on, December? I’ve done everything I could. I’ve left your room exactly as it was three years ago, I haven’t moved a single bit of furniture and I even refrained from throwing out that awful music you listen to. What will it take for you to finally return to your family?”
Asriel swallowed again and tried to control his trembling. He felt a hand softly grip his own one, and saw that it was Noelle. She indicated to the notebook that the goat turned deer still clutched.
Steeling his nerves best he could, Asriel briefly glanced at the book’s pages and picked any bullet point he read at random.
“Mother, I am an adult now. I h-have the right to make my own decisions, as p-per the laws of b-both this town and this country.” He recited word for word. Apparently it was the wrong move, since Noelle looked at him quizzically while Carol’s stare only got colder.
Somehow, she hadn’t blinked or broken eye contact in any way since the moment she arrived.
“Don’t you dare be a smart alec with me. I know very well that this is a product of your pathological urge to oppose me at every turn. I must return to work now, but mark my words December Holiday, one day you will have to listen to your mother for your own good. I refuse to repeat the same mistake from three years ago.”
Carol turned away and walked stiffly back to the town hall. But not before she stopped briefly to glance at Rudy’s grave.
“Somehow we got through that… she must have been in a good mood today, the leaves didn’t fully freeze!” Noelle sighed with hesitant relief. When she turned back to look at who she thought was her sister, however…
“OH MY GOSH!”
Asriel had passed out cold from fear.
Dess’ next stop was Ice-E’s Pezza. Not her first option for food, in fact if she were on a deserted island she’d rather eat the sand, but fortunately she wasn’t for food.
Unfortunately it was much worse than that. Asriel had agreed to hang out with Pizzapants today.
Now, Pizzapants was far from the worst guy in the world. There are far more disgusting, depraved and just outright bad people than Pizzapants. But there is a reason why he hasn’t found a girlfriend yet.
And why he likely never will.
Now, Dess was inside Asriel’s body, and Asriel is not a girl, so she figured it would be fine.
Probably.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
“AZZY! Just in time, man!” Leaning just outside the restaurant with a cigarette in his teeth was the monster of the hour.
“Hey… Pizz?” Dess prayed that Asriel didn’t call Pizzapants his real name. Nobody knew his real name. She wondered if the guy’s own parents knew his real name.
“How ya been?! Good! Great, now come here man! We got a code pink!” With an uncomfortably wide grin, Pizzapants rushed forwards and yanked Dess to the window.
“Code pink?” Dess asked with her face smooshed against the window.
“Yeah! Don’t tell me you forgot what a code pink is?!” Pizzapants peeled himself and who he thought was his friend off the window. The stare he gave Dess was something she knows for a fact she’s seen in her nightmares.
“What? No! No, of course not!… but could you remind me just in case?”
“It means there’s a hot babe nearby and I think I might have a shot!” Once more shoving Dess’ face into the window, Pizzapants pointed at a girl sitting alone at one of the tables. She looked mostly human, but the tail and the cat ears poking out of her long pink hair suggested otherwise. She was eyeing one of the pizzas, as if trying to figure out whether or not it was food, which…
Fair enough.
“Ok, so what, you wanna practice what you wanna say?”
“What?! No dude, I need you to go in there and test the waters for me! Make sure she isn’t psycho or anything, ya know??”
“And you’re not talking to her… why?” Dess already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear the cat monster’s own reasoning.
“You know what happens when I talk to women. They get this sort of disgusted look on their face, like an ant is crawling under their scab or something, and then they get the irresistible urge to hurt or run away from me. Remember the one that pepper sprayed me in the face, and it turns out I was allergic to the spray so my eyeballs broke out in hives??”
Dess really, really wished she didn’t get out of bed today.
“But you, my friend, have a gift! No other man I know could bag a hot goth dommy mommy gf as effortlessly as you. It’s like you’re some kind of walking, fluffy, horned chick magnet!!! So go on! Chat her up for me! Oh, and tell her I have a nine-pack, chicks dig nine-packs!” Pizzapants shoved Dess through the door and shut it. Stunned, Dess eventually shook her head and decided to just get this over with. She really didn’t know how Asriel tolerated that guy…
She walked up to the girl eating and tapped her on the shoulder. Her previously adorable, peaceful face now looked like the avatar of rage.
“Hey, my name’s De-Asriel. I’m sorry to bother you, it’s just that my… friend wanted-”
“CAN’T A GAL JUST LEARN HOW TO EAT IN PEACE?! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING DASRIEL, I MAY HAVE JUST MET YOU BUT YOU’RE ALREADY AT THE TOP OF MY ENEMIES LIST! GET OUT! OUT! OUT!”
Following her outburst, the girl twisted Dess’ arm and slammed her on the floor. Then, grabbing her by the horns, the girl climbed onto the table and hoisted Dess up with her, swinging her around and around before finally tossing her out the window. The glass was reduced to shards while Dess met face first with a tree.
“Ooouuuugggghhhh…”
“So how’d it go?”
“How do you think?” Dess knew it wasn’t a very Asrielly answer, but she didn’t care. She’d just been tossed out a window.
“Maybe they just got her order wrong and that’s why she was upset. God knows that happens often! Get back in there man, I really think she might be the one!” Pizzapants practically begged. It was a pathetic sight, really.
“Go do it yourself, jackass…”
“What was that? Didn’t hear ya, pal!”
“I said no.”
Pizzapants’ face scrunched in on itself just slightly too much.
“Sorry, I think I got some glass in my ears, what didja say?”
“I SAID NO! N-O! Ever heard that work before?!” Dess would’ve assumed someone like Pizzapants would be very acquainted with that word.
“N-not from you I haven’t? Is this for that time I asked you to set me up with your college roommate? I swear I didn’t know they’d try to poison both you and themself with buttercups, how was I supposed to know???”
Did Asriel really just put up with this shit? Did all of his friends treat him like such a doormat?
Not if Dess had anything to say about it.
Not anymore.
An infinite road stretched before Asriel. On either side were fields of grass twice his own height. The entire place was shrouded in darkness.
Looking at his hand, Asriel could just about tell that he was still in Dess’ body. He had no idea how he got here, and he had quite a bit of difficulty remembering what he was doing before.
A flicker of light in the distance caught his attention. A pair of lights were rapidly approaching Asriel, and his eyes adjusted to the harsh glow he saw…
He saw…
His dad’s truck?
Even weirder than that was that his dad was holding a beer. Asriel’s dad doesn’t drink, he’s never had a sip of alcohol in his life!
Suddenly realising that the king’s chariot wasn’t stopping, Asriel turned tail and ran. It was useless, he knew he couldn’t outrun a truck for long, but he had to try.
He hopped into the tall grass, hoping to roll away and hide. Except, he found himself rolling back onto the road again, having jumped into one patch of grass and hopped out the opposite one.
Some sort of phonk music blasted from Asgore’s truck, and it got closer as Asriel ran. His lungs were on fire, and he kept stumbling over his hooves. He wasn’t used to hooves.
Turning one last time to see his oncoming doom, Asriel’s eyes shrank and he screamed, the last thing he saw being-
-Noelle.
Asriel felt his heart beating a million miles a minute, and his breathing matched. Noelle was fanning his face with her notebook, and Asriel realised he had been sweating. The memories of his encounter with Carol came flooding back, and he nearly fainted all over again.
“Dess! Thank goodness you woke up! You just passed out! Do you have any idea why it could be? Did you eat today? Are you ill?” Noelle interrogated rapidly as she placed a hand on the other deer’s forehead.
“Relax Noelle, it’s none of that. I just… panicked, that’s all.”
“Panicked? Dess, that was one of the most civil conversations you’ve had with mom recently, what was there to panic about?”
“I… I don’t know…”
That answer gave Noelle pause. She inched closer to Asriel and hugged him. Naturally the man reciprocated, himself or not he was a hugger, like all Dreemurrs.
With the exception of Kris, of course.
“I’m sorry, Dess. I shouldn’t be stressing you out after you’ve just had a nightmare.”
“It’s ok, Noelle. I forgive you. How long was I out, anyway?”
“Nearly five hours. Did you sleep at all last night?”
Asriel was unsure of how to answer. Both he and December were up well past midnight last night, but that was mostly due to the whole body swap situation.
Noelle took the silence to mean something different, however.
“Dumb question, sorry. Do you… wanna talk about which nightmare it was?”
“Yeah… yeah, but do you have anything to eat first? I’m starving…”
Noelle got out a lunchbox containing two sandwiches. She gave one to Asriel, along with a candy cane.
Trust Noelle to always stick with the Christmas theme, no matter the season.
“It was weird. I was on this long road, and for some reason dad-Azzy’s dad was trying to run me over…”
“That one again?”
Asriel nearly choked on his sandwich. ‘Again’ implied that Dess not only had nightmares quite regularly, but that they were recurring. And that one of those recurring nightmares was about his dad running her over.
He was starting to wonder why she even chose to live with his dad in the first place…
“Well… at least it wasn’t the really bad one again…”
“The really bad one?” Asriel questioned. He was scared of what answer he would get though. If being run over wasn’t the bad one, then what was?
“You know… the one where you’re the Knight… and you’re floating over… over mom’s body… and mine… and even…” Noelle glanced at the gravestones she and Asriel sat next to. She didn’t need to finish her sentence for him to understand what she meant.
Asriel did the only thing he could think to do and hugged Noelle again.
“Dess, I know you like to be strong and independent… but please, please see a therapist! I hate seeing you in pain like this, and you can’t just fix yourself alone! Please…”
December suffered from regular nightmares and argued with her grim reaper of a mother all without even going to therapy?
She really kept all this pain hidden, just so she could seem strong?
No. Not on Asriel’s watch she didn’t.
Not anymore.
The sun had just finished setting over Hometown. Very few people were out and about at this hour, and the ones that were just happened to congregate outside the school.
“Hey, Azzy…”
“Howdy, Dess…”
The couple stared at each other in silence for what felt like years. The moonlight reflected off their eyes and made their eyes shine in a way most humans found unsettling.
“I’m sorry.” They both finally said.
“I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you Asriel, I thought that just because I made life harder for myself on purpose that made me better than other people.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t pay enough attention to you to notice how much you were hurting. It should have been obvious, and yet…”
The two didn’t say anything more. They simply embraced and leant their foreheads against each other. They stayed that way for a while.
“I guess you need a new prescription.” Dess eventually teased Asriel as she fiddled with his glasses.
“Pfft! Dess, we were having a serious moment! Hahaha!”
The two laughed some more together. When they calmed down, the tension in the air had dissipated.
“Can we agree to never make it a competition to see who has the worst life again?” Asriel asked.
“Definitely. It was kinda fucked up of us to do so in the first place.” Dess replied, flinching at hearing Asriel’s voice swear for real.
A quick rustling sounded in the bushes, followed by a rabid beast leaping out of the shadows and pouncing Dess.
“KRIS! What are you doing?!” Asriel panicked.
“Get. Out. Of my brother.” Kris growled, raising their hand up high. They were about to thrust it into their brother’s chest, determined to extract whatever eldritch heart made itself at home inside another member of their family. They were stopped, however.
“KRIS, WAIT! THAT’S DESS, I’M ASRIEL!”
“What?”
The two older teens explained the day’s events to Kris, who took it remarkably well.
“I see. Is that why you’re both hanging out here then?”
“Yeah. Come midnight we can finally go back to normal.” Asriel huffed.
“Yeah, I like you Azzy, but I don’t like being you. Know what I mean?”
“Yeah, and I agree. That’s why I did you a favour.” Asriel looked a little nervous now, but smiled nonetheless.
“What kind of favour?”
“I booked you a therapy appointment.”
Dess’ expression was unreadable.
“Heh… thanks. I… I think I definitely need one. Only fitting that someone would have to book it on my behalf. I did you a little favour too, Azzy.”
“What’s that?”
“I told Pizzapants to back off. The way he treats you is just sad. For him, I mean, not you. Ok, also a little you, but in your case you’re just too nice for your own good, Pizzapants is just an incel.”
“C’mon, he’s not that bad!” Asriel laughed regardless, and the two walked into the school together hand in hand. Kris was holding the door open for them.
“Hey Dess?”
“Yeah?” She turned around to face the human.
“Sorry I scared you.”
“It’s alright! Siblings are meant to do that sort of thing to each other.”
Kris smiled, glad that nobody had replaced their brother and that he would be returning to normal soon.
They also smiled because they actually finally managed to snap a picture of Asriel falling flat on his ass. It was the perfect blackmailing tool.
“And presto! Thou twoeth art backe to normal!”
The goat and deer patted themselves down and cast a few spells to confirm Rouxls Kaard’s claim. They couldn’t contain their relieved laughter when they saw that they really were back to themselves.
“Nowe, thou canst taketh it in turns to thanketh me.”
“Thank you for what? Putting us back to normal? You caused this mess.” Dess gruffed.
“Notst for thatte! For techingeth thou worms a valuable lifeth lesson!”
“What are you saying exactly?” Asriel eyed Rouxls suspiciously.
“That I couldst hath putteth thou backe to normal whenever! I onlye fibbed so I could teacheth you notte to compete overeth thine misfortunes! (And so that we could get this story rolling…)”
Neither Lightner said anything. Instead, they just made eye contact. Rouxls knew they were doing that couples thing where they communicate telepathically, and although he couldn’t hear what they were saying…
Well, he knew it wouldn’t be good for him.
Rouxls Kaard hung from his underpants atop the Battle/Love Dojo. Dess stuck him up there with one of her daggers, while Asriel weighed the Darkner down further by wrapping his hands up with thick, thorny vines.
Rouxls Kaard’s microscopic ass was in a disproportionately large amount of pain.
Suddenly, he spotted potential salvation.
“Lancer! Lancer, uppe here! Couldst thou helpeth your Lesser Daddy get down?”
“Nope! I’d need a ladder for that, and today is the start of national No Ladders Week! Sorry Lesser Dad, I promise to getcha down once I’m allowed to use a ladder again!”
Lancer slid away, and Rouxls could only gape in shock.
“GOD!”
His pants slid further up his miniscule posterior.
“DAMN IT!”
Chapter 8: Oh, Ralsei…
Notes:
OVER 1000 HITS WAAA!!!
Sorry this chapter went up a bit later than usual, I’ve been a bit glooby today. I’m not super happy with this one, but I wanted to get it out because it felt important. I hope this is good, bimblumbo.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He’d been putting it off long enough. It was time for Ralsei to ask out Kris and Noelle. Now, asking out Kris wouldn’t be a problem. In fact, they’d taken the initiative!
Their date was nice. Nothing special, just a ride down a replica of Queen’s acid river in a swan boat. They hugged, they smooched, but no hijinks really took place and for that Ralsei was grateful.
Now, Noelle would be another thing entirely.
The two didn’t dislike each other. Quite the opposite, they were friendly and exchanged pleasantries. But the problem was that they didn’t really know each other. Not in the same way that Ralsei and Kris knew each other, or Ralsei and Susie.
Now, what Ralsei did know about Noelle was that she was Kris’ childhood friend. Her mother was the mayor. Her sister used to be the Roaring Knight…
Also her family was rich!
That made things a bit difficult.
Ralsei knew he had to really, really impress Noelle if he wanted to ask her out! Kris and Susie had only become his friends because it was in the prophecy, after all, so actually trying to make a new friend?
The Prince decided he’d some outside help. And who better to ask than Swatch? He was the most helpful Darkner Ralsei had ever met!
“Good morning, my prince. How may I assist you?” A Swatchling stationed just outside the Colour Café bowed to Ralsei.
“Do you know if Swatch is free? I need to ask for his help with something.”
“I sincerely apologise, your majesty, but Swatch is currently on paid time off following the incident with Queen’s extra dangerous glasses.”
“Still? Gosh, I hope he’s alright…”
“No need to worry, the best doctors in the Dark World are tending to his every need. Is there any other way I may assist you today?”
“No, thank you!…” Ralsei walked away sadly. He needed advice to impress Noelle, he knew he wasn’t good enough to do it himself. The deer was pretty, and classy, and probably had really high standards!
“Gah, a little helpeth here?!”
Ralsei looked up, and saw Rouxls Kaard wedgied on the side of the Battle/Love Dojo. Suddenly, he got an idea.
“Rouxls! You’ve been in a polycule before, haven’t you?”
“Well, yeseth, butte it didn’st lasteth very longe…” Rouxls crossed his arms, but the action made his pants hike up more than they already had.
“In that case, is it ok if you help me with something?”
“Why, of courseth your fluffiness! Juste on one conditioneth…”
Ralsei tilted his head inquisitively.
“GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!”
“Nowe, the moste importanteth part of impressinge a lady is onne’s useth of language!”
Ralsei nodded, noting down Rouxls’ advice in his Greetings Kitten notepad.
“Does that mean I have to talk like you?”
“NO! Mine most eleganteth and refined manner of speecheth is mine own personal brande! You may not imitateth it.”
“Alright… what should I do, then?” Ralsei queried as he scribbled more notes down. Rouxls’ reply was to dump a great big stack of classic plays and literature on the prince’s lap, winding him.
“Simply studieth these and thou shalt have the womenne swooning at your feeteth, begginge to be part of your battle cule! The menne and enbies, too! I speaketh from experience, naturallye.”
“Alright… anything else?” Ralsei really hoped that the next piece of advice Rouxls gave him wouldn’t be quite so heavy.
“Of course! You require a mosteth handsomme outfitte! I shalt provide, your majestyeth! Sit tight!” With far too much fanfare, Rouxls Kaard teleported away and left the fluffy prince on his own.
Picking up the first book from the stack, Ralsei took a steadying breath. This was going to be an endeavour, but it would be worth it.
For Noelle.
Little did Ralsei know, however, that he was being overheard by a certain someone. Someone who has spent too long alone in the dark. Abandoned. Forgotten. He was finally free…
And he had an ace up his sleeve.
Susie, Kris and Noelle loved visiting Castle Town. The place had become almost like a clubhouse to them, a place to hang out together when they wanted to avoid other people. Especially parents and grownups.
“I still can’t quite believe you went on a date with Ralsei, Kris!”
“Why?” Kris just stared at Noelle. This obviously wasn’t the first time this discussion was brought up.
“Well… isn’t it kind of weird?”
“Weird how?” Susie snickered at Kris’ skepticism. She already knew where this was going, and only wished she had some popcorn for the coming show.
“Well, he just looks so much like Asriel! Isn’t it almost like you’re dating your own brother?”
Kris’ eye twitched, a movement nobody could really see.
“Ralsei does NOT look like Asriel. They are NOTHING alike.” Kris’ intensity made Noelle gawk for a moment. The human wasn’t finished however, and they pulled out their phone to show a picture. It was of them and Ralsei on their date.
“Look. Ralsei is small, cute, and pretty and his fur is kinda pinkish.” Kris then swiped on their phone and showed a very unflattering photo of Asriel falling flat on his backside. He looked startled on his way down.
“Asriel is tall, stinky, bristly and his fur looks like he showered in piss.” Susie guffawed uncontrollably while Noelle stared at Kris in utter disbelief.
“SQUUUEEEEEEE!!!” Noelle jumped at the noise, but Susie and Kris weren’t really phased.
“Sounds like Swatchlings…” Susie commented.
“Ralsei’s probably wearing his butle outfit again.” Kris replied, secretly really excited to see the Darkner in his cutest outfit.
When Ralsei walked into view, however, he wasn’t wearing quite the same outfit as he did in Queen’s palace. While it was undeniably similar, with many of the same clothes, there was also the addition of a cape. On the side of his face he wore a half mask, and it looks like he even borrowed Lancer’s fake moustache.
Walking quite awkwardly, he approached Noelle and stopped right in front of her. He got down on knee, held her hands and proceeded to humiliate himself.
“Oh, hark my sweet, sweet Noelle! I implore thee to peek outside thine chamber window!”
“Umm… we’re outside.” Noelle managed to squeak while her friends were at a complete loss for words.
“Right… and that means I have the great fortune to witness thy beauty from up close! Your eyes are like… puddles! But, um, really deep puddles! And you smell!”
“What?!” Everyone’s eyes twitched at that.
“Like a plant! Not a stinkweed, something better! Thine beautiful buck tooth holds… holds… I CAN’T DO THIS!”
Ralsei got back up on his feet and ran away. He blushed and covered his face the whole way, but that did nothing to stop all the looks he received, even by his friends.
“So… what was that about????” Noelle wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, throw up, dance, fall asleep or do all of those things simultaneously.
“I’m not sure. Usually Ralsei is the most normal of us three…” Kris mumbled, worried about their fluffy boyfriend.
“Think he ate cookies in bed again? You know what he’s like when he doesn’t act like a square little mama’s boy.” Susie suggested, torn between laughing at her boyfriend’s misfortune and dragging him to the nearest hospital.
Unbeknownst to all, the event was witnessed by someone cloaked in the shadows.
“Hmm…” he was not amused by what he saw.
Having run as far as his fuzzy legs would carry him, Ralsei fell back on the ground and tried to catch his breath. He tore off his mask and cape, but carefully removed the moustache. It was Lancer’s, after all, he couldn’t return it damaged.
He closed his eyes and berated himself. Why on Earth did he think listening to Rouxls gosh darn Kaard was a good idea?!
“Hey pal, you ok?”
“Things lookin’ bleat for ya, kid?”
“You dropped half your face!”
Ralsei opened his eyes and saw Sweet Cap’n Cakes looking down at him. Quickly picking himself up and dusting himself off, Ralsei felt mortified at being seen like this.
“I-I’m really sorry! I didn’t realise I was near your shop!”
“Woah, chill out dude!” Sweet patted the prince on the back, which he appreciated greatly.
“Yeah man, no biggie! We’re chill like that!” Cap’n smiled coolly as he adjusted his sunglasses. He snapped his fingers and did a fingerguns at Ralsei.
“I lie down on the floor wondering where it all went wrong every Thursday through Sunday!” K_K said, not really thinking before saying words. Like he always did.
“Thank you… gosh, I really made a fool of myself…” Ralsei felt like he was about to cry. In response, the three stereos invited Ralsei inside, where they put on one of their more soothing tracks and gave Ralsei a little privacy to change back into his tunic. He felt a lot more comfortable now, and willing to share his woes with the former resistance fighters.
“I… was trying to impress a girl…”
“Wait, don’t you already have a girlfriend?” Sweet inquired with a- well, a raised eyebrow, but he only has one eye, so the effect doesn’t come across quite as intended.
“Yeah, but in sharing Susie, we’ve realised… we have feelings for each other, too. Kris and I went on a date yesterday, but now that only leaves Noelle and I think she’s so beautiful and classy and smart! I have no idea how I’m supposed to impress someone like that!”
Ralsei’s lovesick ramblings were interrupted by a series of pops. Pops that turned out to be Cap’n chuckling.
“Well, fluffy dude, you’ve come to the right place! I know exactly what hot women like, you can’t go wrong with my advice!” Cap’n claimed haughtily. His friends both looked unconvinced.
“Cap’n, you don’t even have a girlfriend.” Sweet deadpanned.
“Didn’t the last girl you talked to zap both of your kidneys?” K_K asked with a finger on his chin.
“I’m just keepin’ myself on the market! The ladies would all be heartbroken if I was suddenly taken, and I couldn’t possibly do that to them! Now, follow me fluffy dude, I’m gonna teach ya how to be manly!”
“Do women really respond to that? Seems a little archaic.” Ralsei needed more convincing.
“HOO YEAH!” Cap’n flexed. He probably thought it was impressive.
Still, any advice would be better than Rouxls Kaard’s advice, right?
Right?
Noelle peacefully sipped her tea inside the Colour Café. Her mind still replayed the memory of Ralsei doing… whatever it was that he did earlier. She doesn’t know the Darkner well, but with the way Kris and Susie were acting worried…
Speak of the Devil (or think about him in this case) and he shall come. Ralsei all but swaggered over to Noelle’s table with his sleeves rolled up. Was… was he trying to flex? Because it looked more like the little goat was doing an impression of a constipated kitten.
With dust in its eye.
“Oh hey Noelle. Didn’t see ya there. Yeah, y’know, I was just pumpin’ some weights. Y’know how it is.” Ralsei spoke in a stupidly, adorably confusing and moronic macho voice. Noelle would’ve been more put off if she didn’t find it the sweetest, most pathetic thing anyone had ever done.
“Hello, Ralsei… are you feeling alright?”
“Never better! Y’know, protein shakes and gyms and weights and stuff. Gettin’ real buff.”
Noelle sincerely doubted Ralsei had any sort of muscle definition. She was positive the prince’s body was 99% fluff and nothing else.
“Your food, Prince Ralsei.” A Swatchling bowed in politely and placed a covered silver platter on the table. When he lifted, the rawest, reddest steak Noelle had ever seen sat before Ralsei. It made her a little sick, to be honest.
And judging by Ralsei’s face now matching his tunic, he felt the same.
“Th-the redder the b-better!” Ralsei tried to channel Jockington as much as he could, but it was no use. Nobody was fooled. The Swatchling was standing by, expecting the moment his prince would bolt away from the table to vomit so he could take the foul dish away.
The awkward silence persisted a little longer before Ralsei knocked on the table and examined.
“What wood do you think this is? Birch? Oak?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s particle board.” Noelle knew a little about different building materials thanks to lessons from her mother about construction planning and such.
She wanted her daughters to be as successful as herself.
“Oh yeah, mhm. Had a particle board tree once, chopped it down, built it into a log cabin.” Ralsei prattled on, either oblivious or wilfully ignorant to how stupid that sentence was.
Without anything else to distract from his meal, Ralsei finally picked up his knife and fork. He stared down at the lump of meat, swearing he could still hear it mooing. As soon as he slowly inserted the fork, red juice came spurting out-
“I CAN’T DO THIS!”
Ralsei bolted out of the café, once more causing a scene. The Swatchling picked up the food Ralsei left behind, and Noelle began reaching into her pocket to cover the prince’s meal.
“No need, madam. I was expecting this reaction from the prince, and there’s nothing to pay for anyway. It’s practically untouched, so I can just put it back in the fridge. Have a wonderful rest of your day.” And with that, the birdy waiter made his way back to the kitchen. As soon as he put the steak back, however, he was approached by a Zapper in a chef’s hat.
“‘Ey, buddy. We’s got a bit of a problem…”
“Please don’t say it’s another Maus infestation, I am deathly afraid of them!”
“No, not dat. We’s been robbed. Dey took about 200 dining trowels, our microwave and every piece of Dark Candy we had!”
“Oh dear… such a combination of items could… we must alert Tasque Manager at once!”
Hiding backstage, the culprit had witnessed everything that happened with Noelle and Ralsei. Both of his mouths sighed tiredly.
“This is getting old…”
Ralsei wanted to dip himself in glue. Why didn’t he think of this before?! It was so obvious! One of the wiggly things from the outskirts of most Dark Worlds could have thought of it!
He should just ask Lanino and Elnina! It was so unbelievably obvious! Egg on Ralsei’s face!
Now, if only he could find them…
“Oh, Tasque Manager! Do you know where Lanino and Elnina are?” Ralsei asked politely, but it took Tasque Manager a moment to even register that someone spoke to her. She appeared to be in a panic, probably stressing about some disorder. Her Tasques following behind her were a bit concerning, however…
“Hm? Oh! My apologies, your highness, but they and their original partner are away on a honeymoon.”
“Oh… could you help me then?” A little sliver of hope crawled into the disappointment in Ralsei’s voice.
“I’m afraid not. King has escaped his cell and I must reapprehend him at once!”
“Oh no! Do you need help?”
“Ah, I shouldn’t if all goes according to plan. I will seek you out if I need you, however!” Tasque Manager snapped her fingers and whistled, and her Tasques lined up behind her in single file. They all exited the castle, and Ralsei was left alone. Only his cauldron kept him company.
His cauldron and one washed up salesman.
“HE-HE-HEy YOU LITTLE [D’awww!] ARE YOU [alone on a Friday night? God you’re] IN NEED OF A GREAT DEAL!”
Ralsei furrowed his brow. Spamton is the embodiment of spam email, was the prince really desperate enough to accept one of his deals?
“NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A [Player 1] AND BAG THAT [Hot Singles in your area!] OF A [Hochi Mama]!!!”
At this point, he really was.
“Alright. I’ll bite. How much does it cost?”
“FOR ONLY 12 KROMER I WILL [Trade Offer Alert!] THE PERFECT ACCESSORY FOR [Unexpected item in bagging area] A [cold] DEER! AND FOR A LITTLE [Can I have some more please?] CHARGE, I WILL THROW IN [Documentary of Deer Mating Season David Attenborough Real not AI]!!!”
Now Noelle knew she had to get a doctor. Ralsei was wearing a pair of tinfoil antlers with tinsel and baubles hanging from it, doing some ridiculous dance in the middle of town. It actually hurt to watch.
“Whaddya think, Noelle! Are you impressed?”
“Um… I’m… I’m gonna go get Dr Zapstick!” Noelle rushed off and left Ralsei in the dust. The little prince finally gave up hope and shrunk in on himself, wishing the ground would just swallow him up.
“Oh, for crying out loud!”
The deep roar came from the King of Spades. The moment he came stomping out of his hiding place, the entire crowd dispersed in fear, leaving him and Ralsei alone.
“King?!”
“Relax, I’m not here for revenge. I’m here to help you with your little… problem.”
“But you’re our self-proclaimed enemy!”
“In the situation of crushes, the Bro Cose trumps the enemy thing.”
Ralsei blinked.
“Okay!”
“Wanna know what I think? Stop doing what other people tell you and be yourself! Be confident in your own pelt! And for the Knight’s sake, lose the antlers!”
“And how do I know this will work?” Ralsei wasn’t skeptical. Just without hope.
“Believe me or not, it’s no saliva off my tongues. I’m not the one dancing the funky moose in the middle of town.”
Ralsei didn’t really have a response to that. He just nodded at King gracefully, and ran to where Noelle had rushed off to. King just shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. Was he feeling… fond of the boy?
He could’ve been a nice brother for Lancer.
“ATTACK!”
King was suddenly pinned to the ground by multiple Tasques. Soon after, a whip wound its way around his rotund body and gagged his larger mouth, completely incapacitating him.
“Curse that goat…”
“Noelle! Noelle, wait!”
Noelle, her other partners at each side, turned around to find Ralsei running up to her. He thankfully shed his antlers, and his face was marred by guilt.
“Ralsei, listen. Susie, Kris and I are really worried about your behaviour, and-”
“I’m sorry.”
Ralsei had the centre stage now.
“I’m sorry, Noelle. I just… I really like you! Like, LIKE like you! And I wanted to impress you, so you’d have a reason to like me back!”
“What do you mean?” Noelle felt worried for a totally different reason now.
“Well… I only got together with Kris and Susie because we were already friends… and we were only friends because of the prophecy… so in my selfishness, I thought I’d be able to impress you, and then you’d… want to be my friend…”
Ralsei was interrupted when Susie picked him up and slammed him against the wall. Hard.
Her eyes were covered by her inner eyelids, making them completely white.
“Ralsei. Don’t you EVER say something like that again.” Susie growled dangerously. Her boyfriend felt like a lamb to the slaughter right now.
“Do you really think we care so little about you?” Kris didn’t shout like Susie, but their voice carried no less of an edge.
“We’re friends with you because we like you, Ralsei. You’re always super nice, take care of our every need without being asked, and you always have our backs. In every situation. Not because some stupid pane of glass said we would be.” Susie continued. Ralsei had completely lost his words now.
“And we love you for more reasons than just being friends. That helped, obviously, but Susie and I fell for you because of how earnest you are. You have so much love for everything and everyone… except yourself. We want to change that.” Kris’ words cut deep into Ralsei’s soul. His eyes were watering uncontrollably now. Noelle chose that moment to step.
“I may not know you like Kris and Susie do, but that doesn’t mean you have to impress me just so we can be friends! If you want, we can forget everything that happened today and start over. We can just… have a normal conversation, get to know each other, and then decide if we wanna try dating each other as well.”
Ralsei tried to say yes, but he was choking on his own words. He nodded instead.
“Me n’ Kris are gonna leave you two alone now. Make sure you have fun. And Noelle? Make sure Ralsei has fun. Don’t let him think he’s selfish for wanting to eat cake.”
Susie dropped Ralsei and picked Kris up instead. As they were being held like a bag of rice, Kris just waved to the goat and deer as they were both left alone.
A beat.
“Hello! My name’s Noelle.”
Ralsei stared at Noelle’s offered hand. Hesitantly, he took it in his own. Her fur was smooth and soft.
“Hello. My name is Ralsei.”
Notes:
If any of you have read Big Shot Liars you should recognise the name Dr Zapstick. If you haven’t…
Don’t worry about it.
Chapter 9: Women at War
Notes:
Hello everyone. Sorry for the delayed upload, I’ve been having some difficulties at the moment and this took far longer than it should have. That’s also why this episode might seem a bit all over the place.
This brings me to my next point, that being that I will be slowing down my rate of uploads quite drastically for the time being. I still have plenty of ideas, but with my brain all scattered at the moment it’ll take me far longer to flesh them out without burning out. I hope you all understand and thank you all so much for sticking with me and this silly little story!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The space once occupied by Sans’ convenience store and house has gone unused for too long. Toriel wanted it converted into some kind of memorial for the skeleton, but Carol insisted it had to be occupied by a new structure. The town needed the funding from the revenue, there was no getting around it.
Toriel understood, at least. Besides, she still had Sans’ ketchup bottle to remember him by.
Mad Mew Mew (Maddy for short), only recently having changed her shut-in ways, was generally unfamiliar with Hometown. That’s why, when construction began over that weird, empty plot of land, she felt the urge to ask what exactly was going on.
“Someone bought this little patch of land and is gonna open a bakery here ;)” one of the Aarons explained. And with that, Maddy just shrugged. Wasn’t that interesting, really.
Until she arrived.
The name of the place was the Spider’s Parlour. Naturally, it was spider themed, with real glistening cobwebs decorating the windows and corners. The owner was this sweet little spider monster, with five beady eyes and six arms. She was dressed all cutesy and her pigtails made her look like this sweet, innocent girl that everyone just couldn’t get enough of.
But Maddy knew better.
She could sense that smug, self-righteous air this ‘Miss Muffet’ exuded like a fungus spreading its spores. She talked a big game about spider preservation and all that, but Maddy knew, she knew, she knew! That all that money was going into the woman’s pockets.
And she could prove it.
Now, one wouldn’t guess it, but Maddy could be subtle when she tried to. Having stayed in contact with Undyne and Alphys, the mad doll invited them for an outing to the Spider’s Parlour so she could use it as an excuse to snoop.
Technically, she could have gone by herself, but… she can’t exactly eat. Not yet, anyway. Not until she fully fuses with her body.
“Are you enjoying your Spider Donuts, dearies?” Muffet asked with a stupid cute smile. It made Maddy’s (metaphorical) blood boil.
“Yeah! These are great! Gonna buy a dozen to take back to the station, Napstablook’s gonna love ‘em!” Undyne complimented, living up to the stereotype. Alphys had her mouth full like a snake eating an egg, so she couldn’t exactly answer.
“Ahuhuhu! I’m very flattered, deary!” Muffet giggled before a spider tapped her shoulder. She excused herself and went to serve another customer.
It was time for Maddy to strike.
“Hey, I gotta go use the bathroom! I’ll be right back!” Maddy abruptly got up from her table and ran away to where she hoped a bathroom was
“Ok!… wait, she’s a doll. Can she even use the bathroom?”
Alphys shrugged, still trying to swallow down a baker’s dozen of donuts.
Sneaking around when your hair and big poofy dress are both bright pink isn’t easy, but Maddy just about managed it. Sneaking behind the counter and glaring at any nosey spiders that couldn’t mind their own business, the anime doll found a trap door. It was unlocked.
Perfect.
The inside was really just a dark pit covered in cobwebs. They were thick and not too sticky, probably from repeated use as stairs. Still staying quiet, Maddy descended further into the Spider’s Parlour, intent on taking down that spider lady and her insufferable cutesy act…
“Hmm? Just a second, deary. Something requires my attention.” Muffet excused herself when a little spider descended from the ceiling and whispered something to her.
Another little fly had made its way into her web.
Going to the back of her bakery and descending down her trap door, Muffet crawled her way through the tapestry of interwoven silk, designed to ensnare anything with less than eight limbs.
Today’s secret ingredient was lively, since she could hear it before seeing it.
“WHADDYA THINK YOU’RE DOIN’, LITTLE PESTS?! GET THAT WEBBY SHIT AWAY FROM MOUTH, I SAID AWAY! AWAY!! AWAY!!! I KNEW SOMETHING WEIRD WAS GOING ON HERE, I KNEW-MFF!”
Maddy’s mad shouting was interrupted by Muffet shoving a cupcake in her mouth.
“What do we have here, then? A cute little kitty intruding on our personal sanctuary? Ahuhuhu~”
Spitting out the cupcake, Maddy turned her rage at the lady in charge.
“I KNEW SOMETHIN’ FISHY WAS GOIN’ ON HERE! You’re a little cannibal cult, ain’t ya?! YOU WANNA FATTEN UP THE TOWN TO FEED IT BACK TO ITSELF! Well, not on my watch bitch! bitch!! BITCH!!!”
Muffet’s smile fell, and disappointment snuck into her eyes.
“Such a shame about that potty mouth. No, no, no, you’d give the donuts such a foul aftertaste! What to do with you…” Muffet pondered out loud. The same little spider from before crawled up to its mistress’ ear and whispered an idea.
“My, you’re right! My darling pet hasn’t been fed yet! Oh, Mr Muffintop!” Another spider handed Muffet a little bell, which she rang as she called out her pet. A low grumble shook the entire network of webs, and the ones tying down Maddy started vibrating.
If the possessed doll could sweat, she’d do so in bullets right about now.
A gigantic, horrific muffin beast with spider legs and far too many eyes emerged rapidly from the darkness. It stopped before its own, allowing itself to be pet. Then, it turned back around to face Maddy and opened its grotesque mouth full of jagged, uneven teeth.
“MMMPPPHHH!” Maddy struggled, seemingly forgetting how soft a cupcake is to bite through. The best ignored its prey’s pleas, and a long tongue, dripping with apple-scented saliva, slowly approached Maddy’s face. It took a long, uncomfortable taste of its meal…
And gagged.
“What’s wrong, Mr Muffintop? Don’t you like the kitty?” Muffet comforted her pet. She snapped her fingers, and several dozens of spiders descended to dry the pet’s watery eyes.
Eyeing her prisoner, Muffet planted a kiss on Maddy’s cheek. She tasted her lips and gagged herself as well, now understanding her pet’s grievances.
“Eugh! You taste like silicone! What are you?!” Muffet then finally took a good look at Maddy. Noticed how hard and shiny her skin was. Noticed the visible ball joint at the base of her neck.
Now it all made sense.
“You’re a ghost inhabiting a doll, aren’t you?” Muffet deadpanned, plucking the cupcake out of Maddy’s mouth and feeding it to Mr Muffintop.
“For now I am! One day, I’m gonna fuse with this marvelous body, and then I’ll be the most kawaii in the whole world!” Maddy’s confidence returned to her once she realised she was untouchable.
“Ugh, whatever. Just stay here like a good kitty until I decide what to do with you.”
“Wh- NO WAY! NO WAY!! NO WAY!!! I still have to expose your little kidnapping operation!”
“Deary, I only cook people who trespass or try to kill my darling little spiders. I’m not interested in kidnapping innocent people.”
“You kidnapped me!”
“You trespassed here by yourself.”
Maddy didn’t really have a reply to that. With the conversation abruptly ended, Muffet went back up top to serve her lovely, non-nosey customers while Maddy tried to incinerate the spider girl with just her eyes.
Now alone with the spiders, Maddy’s rage finally subsided. This eventually led to boredom. She turned to a little spider on her shoulder, hoping they would at least make good conversation. Suddenly, she remembered her favourite pastime with cousin Happs.
“You ever heard of blackjack?”
“Thanks again for the donuts! You can consider me a new regular!” Undyne grinned as she carried a box of donuts.
“Thank you ever so much, ahuhuhu~”
“Um… excuse me?” Alphys piped up. She shrank in on herself a bit when Muffet regarded her with a very brief predatory glint in her eyes. Gulping down her fear and reminding herself that Undyne would protect her, Alphys continued.
“Do you know what happened to Maddy? S-she was sitting at our table with us.”
“Oh, your kitty friend? She’s not feeling too well at the moment, she said she needed somewhere to stay alone.” Muffet explained with a perfectly even smile.
“I s-see. Probably d-dysphoria caused by not being fully fused yet.”
“Well, she can get home by herself. I gotta get back to work now, but expect to see a lot more of me, okay?!” Undyne pumped a fist unnecessarily as she left, munching on yet more donuts. Alphys followed soon after when she felt a multitude of eyes focus in on her.
The day continued as normal for Muffet. She didn’t hear anymore from her darling little spiders who managed the basement, but she supposed they had everything under control. Customers came and went, lots of sales were made and the cash register was full. She’d be able to afford that retirement home for elderly spiders by the end of the week at this rate!
Humming happily to herself, little Miss Muffet opened the trapdoor to her lair and prepared to count her riches. She felt a sharp pain in her eyes the moment she opened the door, however.
A blinding, bright series of flashing lights were emanating from within the spider’s dark sanctuary. Muffet was beyond baffled.
“What is…?”
She shielded her eyes as she crawled in, and when the light finally stopped being painful she saw…
‘MAD MEW MEW’S MAD CASINO: THIS WAY!!!’
‘TRY YOUR LUCK, WIN A FAT BUCK!’
‘99.99% OF GAMBLERS QUIT BEFORE THEY MAKE IT BIG!’
‘WAAAAAAHHH!!! GAMBLING IS SO KAWAII!!!’
Confusion gave way to rage, and Muffet weaved between her webs like… well, a spider that’s just caught its prey. Instead of her little trespasser being bound and gagged, Maddy was free and manning a blackjack table suspended by more webs. Several spiders were lined up opposite their plastic dealer, and it would seem that one of them just lost all their chips.
“Sorry, little man. That’s just luck for nya, sometimes it smiles down on mew and other times it leaves you to the dogs.”
“What is going on here?!” The spiders all jumped at their mistress’ angry tone, but Maddy simply deadpanned.
“Whaddya think is goin’ on? Gambling, gambling, gambling!” Maddy didn’t even have the decency to look Muffet in the eyes as she flicked through stacks of cash. Cash that the spiders worked hard to earn!
“Hey, that money’s for my island retirement home!”
Five clockwise blinks.
“I mean it’s to feed helpless baby spiders! The retirement fund is… somewhere else. Just- why is all this here?!” Muffet screamed, now standing up on the table to seem taller and assert authority.
Maddy was far from impressed.
“Well, you left me all alone in here without so much as a Junior Jumble to pass the time, what was I supposed to do?” She got up on the table with Muffet. It wobbled precariously for a moment, but remained suspended.
The two women glared into each others’ eyes for what felt like a decade. Maddy ended up winning this impromptu staring contest by virtue of being a doll that doesn’t get dry eyes.
“Ugh! What do you all have to say for yourselves? Nothing?!” Muffet turned to all the spiders who actively participated at the blackjack table. They quivered under the harsh gaze.
“If you misbehave like that again, you’re all going into the spider cider!” Maddy just snickered at her rival’s frustration.
“And you! Just- just get out!”
“What? No more deciding what to do with me?” Maddy waggled her eyebrows, adoring how she was getting under Muffet’s skin.
“No! I don’t care anymore, just get out!!” Muffet screeched like a child throwing a tantrum. At least, that’s how it sounded to Maddy. She could have stayed and bothered the spider monster some more, but…
Happstablook was probably feeling lonely now.
“Alright then. I’ll get out of your hair. Buuut… if you guys ever get bored, mew knyow who to call! Nya~”
Maddy struck a cute pose as she regarded the spiders on her way out. Muffet just growled and stomped her feet, really wishing plastic didn’t taste as bad as it did.
Feeling satisfied with herself, Maddy finally got out of that ugly bakery and found that the sun had set. She was about to head home, until she noticed something…
Muffet’s bakery only occupied half of the empty land. There was still an open space right next to it.
And Maddy still had several fat wads of cash from her little game with the spiders earlier.
“Oh, this is gonna be good, good, good!” She chuckled darkly to herself.
Muffet emerged from her lair and stretched. Yesterday had been quite stressful, but she’d had a good night's sleep since then. Who wouldn’t fall asleep cuddling with a big, warm muffin spider?
Muffet loved greeting the day by admiring her bakery from the outside. She needed to make sure that it looked appealing and that nobody had vandalised it, after all!
The spider screamed. Not because of any graffiti on her bakery, no, that was still pristine.
She screamed because of the new construction that appeared overnight.
The Kawaii Cat’s Casino, the sign on top read. Several of the other signs littering the front of the establishment were the same ones from Muffet’s lair. And who was standing outside the front door with a smug expression on her face?
Mad Mew Mew.
“Well, good morning neighbour! What a coinkydink that we both happen to open our respective establishments right next to each other, mew!”
“What is the meaning of this?!” Muffet stomped up to the possessed doll in utter disbelief. The audacity of this dummy!
“I just found out a fun mew business venture while I was trapped in your basement. Don’t tell me you’re scared of a little friendly competition?” It shouldn’t be possible for a doll to pull off such a smug, punchable expression.
“Well, dear, for two businesses to compete they have to provide similar enough services. People don’t come to a casino for donuts.” Muffet explained with a strained, angry smile. She was scraping for any shred of higher ground at this point.
At that moment, a police cruiser screeched to halt in front of the quarrelling women. Undyne stepped out with a box of Spider Donuts.
“Hiya, Muffet! Thanks again for that extra large order you delivered to the police station. Here are some for you, Maddy!” Undyne handed Maddy a sizable stack of donuts, which she gratefully accepted without breaking eye contact with Muffet. While Undyne drove off, Maddy popped inside her casino to put her donuts away, and reemerged with a sign that she stuck on the window.
‘Bet $100 and earn a free Spider Donut!’
Muffet could only gawk at the sheer, bold-faced, steel-balled audacity of the act she just witnessed.
“Do you honestly think people are stupid enough to fall for that?! That plastic head of yours must be more hollow than a donut hole!”
“You’re mew around here, darling. Even a former shut-in like meow knows the lows of intelligence the people here can reach. Besides, with your prices? You shouldn’t be surprised.”
Another car screeched to a stop in front of the casino. A very thin, very lanky, vaguely feline monster with yellow fur and a green suit and hat rushed out with a desperate look on his face. He reached into his pocket and practically shoved his wallet into Maddy’s hands.
“Here!!! Take all my money, I’m gonna win it big and buy even more donuts! Hahahaha!” The monster, utterly delirious, rushed inside the casino before he could even receive any chips.
“D’oh!” Muffet just scoffed as she stomped her way back to the bakery. She didn’t need to look back to know that Maddy’s smug grin had grown even smugger.
When she stepped back in, Muffet saw some of her spiders playing around with her phone. They were taking selfies and adding various filters. Normally, she would have just snatched the device back and reminded the spiders there was work to be done, but seeing the spiders add little hashtags around the borders of the photos gave Muffet a brilliant idea…
Maddy was on fire! So many idiots just throwing away their life savings for a quick thrill and a webby donut to go with it! At this rate, she could afford to commission some roboticist or geneticist or whatever to create her cousin his dream body!
She could also do the same for Napstablook, but they’re actually happy just staying as a ghost. Good for them.
She was about to deal out the next hand of cards, but someone’s phone chimed. When they checked whatever it was, their expression turned to one of dim amazement.
“Oh my gawd! That donut looks like, SO CUTE!!! I gotta like, go and buy one right now!” Catty exclaimed unnecessarily loudly. Loud enough for the entire casino to hear her.
“Oh, no! Not if I like, get there first!” Bratty retorted, the two scrambling out of their chairs to rush next door. People checked their phones and soon followed the valley girls, leaving Maddy in the dust before she could even realise something happened.
Stepping outside, Maddy saw to her horror that the Spider’s Parlour was even more crowded than yesterday! Everyone had their phones out and flashing, but Maddy lacked her own. Instead, she held out her closed fist and let a random monster run into it face first, knocking them out cold. She plucked their phone from their hand and examined the screen.
Depicted was a heavily filtered and edited photo of various differently decorated donuts. On both the photo and the post, it said ‘#SpiderBakesale #SaveTheSpiders’.
The crowd grew rowdier when Muffet stepped outside. She just batted her eyes at them and they parted like she was the Queen. The sight made Maddy want to individually pluck every synthetic hair from her head.
Muffet then had the gall to smile and WINK at her.
This meant war.
Stomping back inside her casino, Maddy racked her brain to come up with something. Any gimmick that would influence the braindead masses to give all their money to her instead of that accursed arthropod…
Perhaps the phone in her hands would have the answer.
Scrolling with plastic fingers was a challenge, so she had to get creative and use the rubber on the end of a pencil as a stylus. Snooping around on the device, she eventually found an app for watching livestreams.
One particular stream this person watched was of some girl trying (very poorly, she might add) to look like Mew Mew, acting all cutesy in front of the camera. Maddy would’ve rolled her eyes had she not noticed just how many viewers apparently watched this stuff.
And how much money people were willing to spend just to have their names read out.
Maddy’s face split into a Grinchy grin as she got a splendid, brilliant idea.
The itsy bitchy spider wanted to use the internet to win over the sheeple? That would be ok. No problem at all.
Two could play that game.
Muffet’s beautiful, loyal customers were the secret to her success. They knew that if they wanted real quality pastries made by spiders, for spiders, and of spiders, then little Miss Muffet was the only option.
The ONLY option.
Which was why she was so baffled to see about half of said loyal customer base rush out of her doors in a rabid fashion.
“What’s going on? Where is everyone going?” She demanded an explanation.
“There’s a cute girl livestreaming right next door! I gotta get over there right now, this could be my only shot at female validation!!!” Pizzapants screeched as he barreled past every obstacle in his way. In doing so, he dropped his phone on the floor, allowing Muffet to peek at whatever the underpaid incel was watching.
“Thank nyou all so meowch for coming!~ I just love meeting ny’all my fans in person! If you wanna meet mew, come on down to the Kawaii Cat’s Casino! And whoever wins the jackpot will also win a widdle kiss from mew~” Maddy winked to the camera, and the crowd next door screeched loudly enough to be heard from in the bakery. The phone snapped in Muffet’s grasp, and she realised that this opponent was no wimp. This was the first time ever that the lady had genuine competition, and the thought thrilled her as much as it enraged her. Still, she had some customers left, and they all expected service with a smile, so Muffet would deliver. And so would her staff, of course.
Her staff who were all busy watching that wretched anime doll’s livestream.
“GET BACK TO WORK! This is a war now, dearies. And we’re not going to stop until the enemy’s ashes are scattered across the battlefield! This I swear!”
“Excuse me, is my Web Roll ready?”
“Oh, of course dear! Here you go, without the cherry like you asked~”
Notes:
If I get enough feedback for this episode I may rewrite it, because this dynamic in particular is one I want to develop properly, no matter what.
Chapter 10: SPOOKY MONTH!!!
Notes:
I STILL LIVE! And I posted the Halloween chapter more than a week later!
Look mum, I’m a REAL fanfic writer now!
Anyway, I haven’t abandoned or forgotten this fic. As I said, I just needed to slow down to avoid burnout, and with how I’m doing currently I may pick up the pace again. Nowhere near as much as when I first started this, but still.
Your continued support helps a ton, of course!
Chapter Text
Susie stood outside the door to Carol’s office nervously. She wasn’t sweating, not just due to a lack of sweat glands, but from the frigid cold leaking out of the door. Looking back, two of her three partners looked at her supportively. Noelle gave her a small smile while Kris just nodded. Susie wished Ralsei was here too, but that’s unfortunately impossible.
“You’re up, miss.” Politics Bear called Susie forward. Clutching her cue cards, the monster took a deep breath and walked in with her head held up high. She wouldn’t show weakness around anyone, least of all Carol Holiday.
“Susie. Hope that whatever you’ve come here to say, it isn’t a waste of my time.” Carol said coldly. She sheathed her katana after murdering a thick stack of paperwork.
Susie almost gulped, but stopped herself from doing so.
Out loud, at least.
“I have a proposition.” Susie began without an introduction. Both Noelle and Kris had warned her against any beating around the bush and to just cut directly to the point. Fortunately, that’s exactly Susie’s style.
“Let’s hear it then.”
“I wanna introduce a Halloween Festival.” When Carol barely even reacted, Susie decided to continue. She felt sluggish from the cold, but wouldn’t stop now.
“The festival in Hometown is always Christmas themed. And I get it, Christmas is awesome! But I think other holidays deserve love too. Halloween would be ideal, because human visitors are very likely to visit an all-monster town at this time of year.” Susie read from the cue cards Noelle helped her write.
“And how do you intend to fund such a thing? We would require entirely new decorations and attractions, neither of which are cheap.”
Normally this is the part where the other person backs down after Carol tells them the plain facts. But Susie didn’t back down.
She just smirked.
“That’s simple. We just have it in the Dark World.”
Susie wished she had a camera to immortalise Carol’s look of disbelief.
“Naturally, we don’t say it’s the Dark World, just some really awesome haunted attraction. For decorations we just gotta bring a few vaguely Halloweeny things and it’ll take care of itself. And the Darkners already wanna volunteer, no need to pay ‘em! Not that you can, anyway, money doesn’t transfer…”
“Do you have an outline of what such a venue and attractions would look like?”
Susie smirked and pulled out a folded document Kris helped her with. It was a drawn outline of the layout of how Hometown would look after being set up. Carol was starting to look convinced.
Time to seal the deal.
“You got almost nothing to lose from this! All you’d have to spend money on is advertising, we and the Darkners can take care of the rest. Even if not many out of towners come to visit you still make a profit from the townsfolk!”
Carol narrowed her eyes and hummed.
“How did it go, Susie?” Noelle and Kris rushed up to their girlfriend the moment she stepped out of the door. Her expression was downcast and her eyes covered by her hair.
“Not well?” Noelle frowned.
“Hey, it’s ok, Sue. Not like she can stop us from doing our own…" Kris trailed off as Susie slowly raised a piece of paper.
It was a permit.
“OH MY GOSH!”
“LET’S GOOOOOO!”
“HELL YEEEEAAAAAAHHH!”
All it took was a few plastic spiders, fake cobwebs and other Halloween decorations lying around the Dreemurr house, and Hometown was now a paradise for all things creepy and crawly!
“I’m guessing it went well?” Ralsei asked with a glint in his eyes. He was hugging Susie with all his might (which wasn’t much).
“You know it! I debated like a BADASS! I even used words with like, twenty syllables!” Susie bragged with a large grin. She ruffled Ralsei’s hair between his horns.
“Never woulda guessed Susie could apply herself to studying. Guess spite is stronger than determination.” Kris snarked, not losing their grin even after Susie bopped them on the head.
“Susie also told us that mom says that if this year’s festival goes well, we can have a Halloween Festival in Castle Town every year!” Noelle explained giddily. She was so proud of all her partners for banding together for this.
“That’s amazing! Alright, I’ll go tell everyone the great news and we can all get to work!” Ralsei let go of Susie, but had to grab back on to her when the ground began shaking. A series of loud, very rapid footsteps accompanied them, and Noelle shrieked in terror when a giant figure skidded to halt before them.
“FRAINDS! IS IT TROO? ARE WE DOING A SPOOKY MONTH?” Jackenstein asked, barely containing himself.
“That’s right, Jack! The Halloween festival is on not only this year, but every year!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!” Jackenstein cheered like a child getting an entire sweet factory for Halloween. He then performed the customary Spooky Month Dance, which everyone couldn’t resist joining in.
“We have to make this festival really good if we’re gonna repeat it, though. Jack, could you help me tell everyone the news, that way we can set everything up?” Ralsei looked up at the huge Halloween decoration, who nodded eagerly in response.
“JACK GO TELL EVRIONE ABAUT THE GOOD NOOS! WE GO MAIK THE BEST SPOOKY MONTH EVER!” Jack picked Ralsei up in one giant hand and placed the fluffy prince on his back. Ralsei had barely any time to brace himself before Jack sped off again, screeching joyously about Spooky Month.
The Lightners looked at each other and giggled at the Darkners’ antics. Then they silently agreed to help spread the work and set everything up. They had a week to get everything just right, and the sooner they started the more time they had to make sure everything was just perfect.
“Rodney! Over here!”
Rodney saw the big fluffy goat monster waving him over and pulled up next to the flower shop. Asgore had decided to invite his new human friend over for Hometown’s first ever Halloween festival, and Rodney had eagerly agreed.
This year he just went for a simple costume, a white sheet with two eye holes covering his dark brown skin. At first he was worried about even that, thinking that dressing up might offend the monsters, but Asgore reassured the human that it was nothing to worry about, and that monsters love dressing up too.
Still, a sheet ghost is probably the safest option. Hard to parse as a human and easy to ditch.
Asgore himself went with the same king costume he wore every year, except this time accompanied by the real trident he’d claimed from the little incident that led him to meet Rodney in the first place.
The goat looked good in the armour and regal garb, and Rodney was grateful that his costume hid his burning face.
“Howdy, Rodney! And welcome to Hometown!” Asgore greeted warmly, enveloping Rodney in one of his legendary hugs.
“Thanks for inviting me! So, this is the first ever Halloween festival? It doesn’t look very…” Rodney trailed off, not really sure what word to use. The houses were decorated, yes, but there were no stands, or attractions, or even trick or treaters around.
“That’s because it’s being held at the school! But, really, we’re known for our Christmas festivals. The mayor can’t get enough of Christmas!!”
“Right! Perhaps I’ll come over with my family.”
“Oh?” Asgore looked interested now.
“My sister, my sister-in-law and their kid. And my parents of course!”
“I would be delighted to meet them! Ah, here we are!” Asgore stopped in front of the school’s large doors. Rodney didn’t recognise the Delta Rune by name, but he was at least vaguely aware that it was the symbol for the biggest monster religion in the world. The two entered the school, and Rodney felt his confusion resurface once more.
“I’m still not seeing anything festival-y…” he looked back at Asgore, who seemed to have a knowing smile on his face. Without saying anything, the goat man took Rodney’s hand and led him to the storage closet.
“Hoi! My name Tem! Pls leev a donashun before entree!” Temmie sat at a little desk made out of a cardboard box, with a crudely written sign pointing to the donation box.
“Howdy Temmie! I see you volunteered for donation duty, then.” Asgore smiled as he deposited some money in the box. Rodney did the same, but didn’t say anything. His attention was drawn to the little hard boiled egg wearing a tiny pumpkin mask that Temmie had next to her.
“Uh huh! Tem no like halloweens! Too many ugly muscle costooms! Muscles NOT cute!” Temmie was now vibrating on the spot, though her face remained curiously still.
“Well, have a lovely night anyway and happy Halloween!” Asgore pulled the storage closet doors open, and Rodney paused. The inside was dark… far too dark. The light from the hallway should be illuminating the space, and yet… it was as though the light was absorbed into the darkness itself.
Before he could back away, Asgore grabbed Rodney’s hand once more and they both fell into the darker yet darker void…
“Dude, this place isn’t scary at all!” Monster Kid laughed as they and Snowy walked through the Dark Maze.
“Barely even spooky!” Snowy chuckled. The laughs stopped when a scrape echoed around the walls.
“Oh boy, probably another serial killer!” Monster Kid giggled.
“Better lock all the kitchen cupboards!” Snowy joked, the pair’s giggles intensifying.
“Smells like frozen chicken…” a hollow, haggard voice called out. It sounded devoid of any soul, or any spirit. Whatever shred of humanity the speaker might have had was ground away into dust and blown away by the hollow wind.
“Sounds like he’s after you, dude!” Monster Kid snickered some more, but Snowy’s own laughter became more forced. He felt an unusual chill up his spine.
The scraping continued. It sounded like metal scraping metal.
Shink.
Shink.
Shink.
It reminded the monster children of a knife being sharpened.
Shink.
Shink.
Shink.
“C-c’mon dude, you-you’re shaking!” Monster Kid commented. They ignored their own shivers.
“N-n-no I’m not!”
From around the corner, a figure suddenly pounced. It wore a bloody, stained white apron all the way down to its shins. Its face was contorted into the perfect middle ground between pure sadistic glee and eternal, endless suffering. In one hand it carried a large knife, more akin to a sword and in the other hand it had the sharpener for the massive blade.
“Finally! Fresh meat for the nuggets!”
“THE BUTCHER!!!!” Monster Kid and Snowy screamed their lungs out and ran for their lives, unphased by each wall they bumped into. Their screams echoed throughout the entire Dark World, even causing ripples in the darkness itself. Mixed in with their tormentor’s delighted cackles, it made for a harrowing spectacle.
“Dang, PP! You’re good at this!” Asriel commented, body twisted in a legless, winged form.
“Thanks Azzy! I finally found a job I enjoy!” Pizzapants cackled with yet more glee, and Dess couldn’t help but levitate above the walls to check the commotion out.
“Y’know, you always struck me as the serial killer type.” The former Knight commented as she shook her head.
“Working at a fast food joint since you’re four will turn anyone into a serial killer. I oughta know…” Pizzapants grumbled, remembering his experience with one particular purple guy. Footsteps and laughter echoed through the walls again, indicating the arrival of more unscared guests. A grin split Pizzapants’ face clean in half, and he began sharpening his knife once more.
“Leave some for the rest of us, dude. This form gets kinda uncomfy after a while and I haven’t even scared a single person yet!” Asriel complained. Pizzpants didn't hear him, and Dess put a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t bother, Azzy. I’m literally the harbinger of the apocalypse and I don’t think I’m as scary as that guy right now.”
“Howdy Kris! I’m so proud of you for organising this festival!” Asgore praised his younger child. He instinctively went in for a hug, but course correct and gave the human a pat on the head instead.
“Thanks dad. But I only helped with the maze, Noelle and Ralsei did most of this.” Kris replied humbly. They noticed their dad’s new friend.
“Who’s this? They look a little opaque for a ghost.”
“Ah, Kris, this is Rodney! Remember I told you about him when Togore came to visit?”
Rodney took the opportunity to raise his sheet and reveal his human self.
“Surprise! I’m actually a human!” He expected a look of pleasant surprise or something similar, but Kris just tensed up. Their red eyes went wide, and their breathing went shallow.
Asgore’s eyes went wide as he remembered something and draped Rodney’s sheet back over him.
“Sorry about that Kris, we’ll be on our way then!” Asgore waved as he and his human friend walked on, and Kris seemed to return to themself a bit after Rodney was out of sight.
“I’m so sorry, I forgot to mention that Kris gets a bit… antsy at the sight of other humans. Tori and I both think it might be due to growing up in an all monster town.” Asgore explained, looking apologetic.
“Makes sense. I studied psychology at uni, I should’ve expected this honestly.”
The two men wandered around a bit before Noelle waved them over. She and Susie were running the apple bobbing stand together.
“Hello Mr Dreemurr! Would you and your friend like to have a go?” Noelle gestured politely to the barrels full of water and floating apples, while Susie just eyes the two before shrugging and going back to looking mysterious.
She wasn’t very good at it.
“Of course, Noelle! At least, I’d like to. Rodney?”
“I don’t see why not.” The human shrugged as he took off his sheet. The two of them stood over a barrel, ready to select an apple, except…
“Noelle… where are the apples?”
“WHAT?!” Noelle frantically looked inside the barrels, and sure enough, all the apples had vanished. Without a word, she glared at Susie.
“Uuuhh…” Susie stared back guiltily as she swallowed an apple core. Thankfully, she was saved when her fluffy Darkner boyfriend came rushing with two Swatches on his side, each carrying boxes full of apples.
“Ralsei, thank goodness! Susie just ate all of our apples!” Noelle thanked and chastised simultaneously, showing off her impressive multitasking skills.
“No problem, Noelle! I expected Susie would do something like this, so I came prepared.”
The Swatches plopped a few apples into the barrels and Asgore eagerly dove in for a bute, but Rodney stared at Ralsei for a second too long.
“Say, are you another kid of Asgore’s?”
Caught off guard, Ralsei tried desperately to think of an excuse. Anything to not reveal the true nature of the Dark World to an outsider. Asgore, who rose from the barrel at the same time, wore the same worried expression as the prince.
“I’m…”
“He’s…”
“His nephew!”
“My stepson!”
…
“What?”
Back in the maze, things had slowed down a bit. Undyne and Alphys had their turn walking through, but when Pizzapants moved in for the scare Undyne had instinctively kicked the haggard worker in the teeth, knocking him out cold. While this did leave more scares for Dess and Asriel, the couple were struggling a little bit.
“God, how does he do it?” Dess complained, her throat sore from how much roaring she had to do. As intimidating as her otherworldly noises could be, nobody realised that they were absolute murder on the throat.
“Lots of pent up urges. I’m gonna go get a quick snack, be right back.” Asriel said nonchalantly as he converted to his more comfortable, ‘default’ Dark World form.
“Can you bring me some too? I like Dark Candies.”
“Sure.”
Asriel slowly made his way to the entrance of the maze. Too slowly, since a pumpkin politely informed the goat that he was TAKING TOO LONG and started chasing him, though Asriel just stood his ground.
“Hey Jack, I’m just heading out for a quick snack. Want anything?”
“NO THAINKS. JACK HAVIN TOO MUCH FUN!” The pumpkin man hopped giddily in place. Asriel thought it was rather adorable, to be honest, and made perfect sense given… everything about Jackeinstein.
Before Asriel stepped through the threshold of the Dark Maze, however, he noticed someone.
A human.
A human with red (but yshally pale) skin, rosy cheeks, a green sweatshirt and red eyes that reminded him of his human sibling. They also wore a little devil headband and tail, but there was no mistaking this human.
It was Chara, his college roommate.
And they were heading towards the maze.
A smile grew on Asriel’s lips. A large, awful, malicious smile that, combined with his inverted eyes and dark makeup in his current form, made Asriel look like the Devil himself.
“Jack, I have a plan. Wanna help me out?”
“OKEY! WAT IS YOUR PLAN?”
“Nothing special. Just a little payback for all the Halloween parties I’ve been to in the last few years.” Asriel chuckled darkly to himself and turned into a flower. He slunk into the ground to find Dess, wanting her in on his little plan too.
This was going to be fun.
Lancer, who wore a top hat, monocle, black cape and a curly moustache, made his way through the Halloween festival. He was super excited by all of this, it was like a holiday made for bad guys!
With Dad still in prison, Lesser Dad in the dunk tank and Girldad recording videos of her scaring people without permission, the boy was currently unsupervised.
“Excuse me, young man?”
Lancer turned to see a Lightner running a Halloween bakesale. She was a spider monster dressed up as the sort of princess a baddie like Lancer would kidnap and tie down to train tracks.
“May I interest you in some spider pastries?” Muffet gestured to her various Halloween themed pastries, each with spiders, jack-o-lanterns and ghosts drawn on with icing.
“Sure! Nothing better for a young boy like me to poison his brain and body with too much sugar on this most hallowed of weens!”
Lancer slid over to the bakesale, but a sharp yell suddenly caught his attention.
“HEY! HEY! HEY! Why waste your money on a buncha sweets you can get for free this time of year anyway when you could enter a raffle instead?!”
This Lighter was seemingly a doll of an anime character, except a corrupted, evil version of the catgirl her body was moulded after. At her stand, which was directly opposite Muffet’s, the mad doll had a variety of prizes, ranging from stuffed animals to ballistics, each with a number stuck on them.
Except what caught Lancer’s attention was the absolute beauty of a tactical trowel. It was new, shiny, unused and oh so tactical.
The boy could hardly contain himself.
“I’ll buy all of your tickets! I NEED that trowel!”
Muffet glowered at Maddy’s smug satisfaction.
“Hold on deary! With every purchase, you receive a free sugar spider!” Muffet held up a little white spider sculpted out of sugar. The fact that it scuttled in her grasp didn’t really bother Lancer.
“Oh, boy! My favourite kind of sugar!”
Now it was Maddy’s turn to seethe.
“Hey, kid! Did I mention that if ya win any prize, you get a bonus ticket absolutely free?” Maddy offered, making no effort to be subtle as she gesticulated towards the tactical trowel.
“Ooohhh, I could win a tactical shovel and a tactical nuke! So many tactics!”
Muffet gritted her fangs and spouted another promotional offer made up on the spot. Maddy retaliated in kind, and soon Lancer wasn’t sure what he should waste all his hard earned pocket money on anymore.
“HEY KID! YOU PLAY [Mineniteblox] RIGHT1? HOW WOULD [you????????????????????] LIKE 10000000000000000000000 [Monopoly Money] FOR JUST [3 wAcKy NuMbErS on the back!!!!] KROMER??”
Nevermind, dilemma solved!
Chara made their way silently through the Dark Maze. So far they weren’t impressed by this Halloween festival. It was their favourite holiday, and it deserved much better than this poor attempt. The atmosphere was on point, sure, but the so-called scares?
Underwhelming is overselling it.
They’d been moving slowly, soaking up the silence and the darkness. This was their element. They only wish Asriel was here so they could hear his teeth chattering in fear.
It’s not that they hated Asriel, quite the opposite. He was their best (and quite frankly, only) friend, and they just loved teasing him. In fact, it’s strange they haven’t run into him yet, this is meant to be his home town after all…
“YOUR TAKING TOO LONG!”
Chara was snapped out of their reverie by a red, floating pumpkin rapidly approaching them. It was nowhere near scary, but it was the first vaguely exciting thing to happen in this maze, so the human decided to play along anyway.
The two ran around the walls of the maze, the pumpkin sticking close but never actually catching Chara.
Wuss.
“YOUR TAKING TOO LONG!”
Around one of the corners, a patch of much smaller pumpkins blocked Chara’s way. They smiled a little bit now, the chase was getting interesting. The little pumpkins now accompanied the big ones, and it was quite clear to the human that they were all trying to corral them to a certain part of the maze.
Now this is how you do a haunted maze!
Chara was just beginning to have fun, but all the pumpkins suddenly frowned and ran away. Obviously, this was meant to build up to some supposedly much scarier monster, and Chara was kind of looking forward to whatever it would be.
A figure descended from the darkness above. Accompanied by a sudden, frigid wind howling through the empty corridors of the maze, its armour glistened despite the total absence of light. Intricate frost patterns sprawled all over the lanky figure’s body, and an ice cold aura made Chara’s body shiver.
Needless to say, they weren’t disappointed.
“Chara…”
Whoever this was knew Chara’s name, but this didn’t bother them. If Asriel was here, and he probably was, he probably told everyone about Chara at some point.
The being drew closer, and Chara suddenly recognised its appearance. They studied theology, so they knew with 100% certainty that this was meant to be the Roaring Knight from the prophecy of the Delta Rune.
This was right up their alley.
“Chara… it’s really you.” The ‘Knight’ spoke with a hollow, breathless voice. It sounded almost like a zombie trying desperately to hold on to the power of speech. And failing.
“Yes. I suppose that, despite everything, it’s still me.” Chara shrugged nonchalantly. It’s not that they didn’t care, rather this was a test. So far they were impressed by this actor’s skill, but they wanted to see how committed to the role they really were. Most failed the test immediately.
Not this one, however.
“Finally… a squire to join me in eternal unlife…” the ‘Knight’ got up real close to Chara and lifted the front of its helmet. The face underneath would’ve been a ghastly sight to most people; a deer monster with patchy, pale fur and blue, frosted over skin. The eyes were rolled up and blank, and the teeth were broken in a few spots.
Chara wasn’t grossed out however, if anything they were genuinely impressed by the makeup. They booped the deer’s nose to see if that would make them break character.
When their finger touched what felt like frozen meat, they snatched it away immediately. Or at least, they tried to, but it was apparently stuck to the nose with frost, needing more than one tug to remove.
Chara’s shivers were no longer just from the cold.
“Join me, Chara. Give up your sense of self and become one with the darkness. The strings will keep you warm through the snowy tempest we shall bring upon the light.” The Knight grabbed Chara’s face, and it immediately went numb from how impossibly cold the hand gripping it was.
“BE FREE WITH ME!”
Just about managing to hold in a scream, Chara bolted. The ever-present chill on their back told the human that they weren’t fast enough.
“This Halloween Thing Is Bussin”
“Hahaha… yeah! Bussin!”
Tenna, dressed up like Michael Myers (minus the mask for obvious reasons) sat across from Queen, who was dressed up as a xenomorph (Tenna’s suggestion), in the Colour Café. The old TV tried to understand his laptop friend’s hip and modern lingo, he really did, but…
Would it not hurt these kids to use words that make sense?
“Hoepfully Some Short Chubby Skeleton Man Will Show Up And Tell A Bad Joke And Hopefully He’s Looking For A Hot Dommy Mommy GF To Let Into His Bone Zone Like The Freaks On Tumblr”
“May I assist either of you further?” Swatch, dressed up in a brown trenchcoat and fedora, approached the table.
To Tenna’s great relief.
“SWATCH! Yes! I, uh, was wondering if I could talk to you! Somewhere else! Somewhere else far away!” Tenna toppled his chair over as he got up and tucked Swatch under his arm, escaping to the safety of the back of the café.
Queen blinked. In a metaphorical sense, of course.
“Chat Did I Fumble The DILF?”
In the back of the café, Tenna heaved a sigh of relief and thanked Swatch for the interruption.
“Swatch, I’m so relieved right now I could kiss you!”
“Am I interrupting something?”
Tenna leapt in the air and poked a hole through the ceiling. Looking at the Darkners unamused was Carol Holiday, dressed up like an ice queen. It was nothing to do with a Halloween costume, that’s just what her Dark World form looks like.
“Mrs Holiday! Nope! Not interrupting anything at all, hehehe! Long time no see! Are you having FUN, Mrs Mayor?”
“No. Although this festival is proving quite successful, I am still loyal to only one holiday.” Carol snapped coldly. Tenna laughed nervously, and Swatch had wisely slipped away while nobody was looking.
“Well, perhaps we can fix that with a brilliant, mind boggling MOVIE?!” Tenna hoped the sweat dripping down his screen wouldn’t short-circuit him.
“I haven’t the time.” Carol turned away and began leaving, but Tenna had an ace up his sleeve.
“Not even… The Nightmare Before Christmas?”
Carol paused, and turned back around. Most wouldn’t have noticed, but Tenna did. Tenna noticed how her features had softened ever so slightly, like an ice block’s jagged edges melting off.
“Actually… I may have some time in my schedule for just one film, Mr Tenna.”
“Good! Great! AMAZING! Oh, wait! What if we set up a movie theatre and made an event of it? A jolly bookend to the spookiest time of the year!” Tenna’s nerves melted into genuine excitement now.
“I think… that you’ve had a good idea. You may set up your little movie theatre, so long as the audience doesn’t become too rowdy.”
Chara’s breath was shallow. But they couldn’t slow down, not with that accursed Knight chasing after them. Every so often it would grasp their sweatshirt and tug them back, nearly making the human trip over in their struggle for freedom.
It grasped Chara again, and this time spun them around to face it once more. Mist poured out of its mouth like a fog machine, and Chara was sure this would be the end of their days.
At least, they thought it would be until little white pellets crashed into the creature’s face. It was apparently quite vulnerable, since this prompted the Knight to retreat back into the shadows.
“Howdy!”
Chara turned around with enthusiasm they normally wouldn’t be caught dead showing, but their nerves were too shot to worry about that currently. They knew only one person that unironically said howdy.
“I’m Flowey! Flowey the flower!”
Scratch that. Two people apparently.
Well, a person and a flower, they guessed.
“Golly, that sure was a close one! Good thing your ol’ pal was here to save ya!”
“Right… old pal…” Chara, despite not being the chattiest person in the world, was at a loss for words right now. They were talking to a flower after being chased by the harbinger of the apocalypse.
“Say, you look awful familiar…” the flower eyed the human, but his joyous little smile soon returned as more while pellets appeared around him.
“Anyway! These here are friendliness pellets! The Knight can’t stand them, but for a pal like you they’ll get you back in tip top shape in no time!”
Chara really didn’t trust this, but they were too tired from the chase to resist. The pellets approached them and nicked their joints, their knees specifically. They fell to their knees, not really in pain but feeling vulnerable.
“YOU IDIOT!” Flowey smiled much more monstrously now, “you were better off testing your chances with the Knight! Now I have you right where I want you.”
Roots erupted from the ground and enveloped Chara.
“You have exactly the SOUL I was looking for! My seventh! And a RED one too!”
Chara knew the implications of being the seventh far too well. The indigenous people of Mt. Ebott believed that if a monster absorbed seven human souls, they would gain the powers of a god. As fascinating as theology was, Chara didn’t usually believe in any of those legends or stories, but…
Maybe they should have reconsidered.
Flowey’s body began contorting, and his face split apart. Tendrils shot out and clinged to an unseen ceiling. A screen covered in gruesome fluids emerged, thick and spiny vines extending endlessly from it. Attached to the bottom of the monitor was a deformed monstrous face with human skin, and more thick vines on the side formed a pair of arms.
The sight actually made Chara naseous.
“EEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I will kill you one million times, and after I get bored I’ll absorb you soul and reset the world so I can do it again! And again! AND AGAIN!”
Chara couldn’t bear it. They screamed and called for help, but all they got in return was more laughter. Laughter, echoing across the walls, across the empty space, across the darkness itself. Laughter…
Laughter that wasn’t quite as cruel or as mocking as before.
“GOTCHA TO SCREAM! Hahahaha!”
“What?”
The vines around Chara loosened and Flowey began shrinking.
“Don’t you recognise your best friend? It’s me!”
The monstrous plant compressed more and more, until it became enveloped in fire.
“Asriel Dreemurr!”
When the flames burned out, Asriel stood before Chara. Despite his demonic appearance, the goat was doing his usual dorky laugh, tears streaming down his eyes from how hard he was hollering.
“Asriel?! What- what the fuck was any of that?!” Chara was still hyperventilating, their brain struggling to catch up with everything.
“Just a lil’ magic, courtesy of the Dark World.” A new voice spoke, and down from the shade descended the Roaring Knight. Except, her face was no longer decayed and frozen. Now, she just looked like a regular deer monster. In fact, Chara was sure they’d seen her in a few of the pictures Asriel had as his phone wallpaper.
“Hehe, whoo! Sorry, Chara, it’s just… hahaha! After all the times you’ve scared me at midnight with that face you pull, I wanted some payback!” Asriel explained after he recovered enough to speak coherently.
“So you’re telling me… you used your knowledge of my deepest fears and nightmares, that I confided with you in secret, to scare me… for revenge?”
“Well, um…” that took the wind out of Asriel’s sails. Dess was also feeling a bit insecure now.
With a predatory glint in their eye that reminded both monsters of Kris, Chara leapt towards Asriel before anyone could react. When they had the goat in their grasp, they began…
Laughing as well.
“Well done, Asriel! I really have rubbed off on you. I actually thought I was gonna die!” Chara chuckled with a proud smile on their face.
“What is it about you making friends with total weirdoes, Azzy?” Dess asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I dunno, Dess. You asked me out, I thought you’d know.” Asriel asked smugly, and Chara fist bumped him. Dess couldn’t even bring herself to feel mad, she was impressed by how seamlessly that dig was executed.
“So, did we do good or what?” Susie interrupted Carol’s conversation with Toriel. The two maintained eye contact for a second too long, but eventually Carol sighed.
“Yes. Your Halloween festival was very successful and lucrative. I give you permission to repeat it every year, so long as it continues to be fruitful.”
Susie roared in triumph, and her partners joined her in the celebration. Jackeinstein, having overheard the news, rushed to his friends and held them all tight, swinging them around in happiness. The five of them were all chanting Spooky Month, and if the sight of one of her daughters blissfully smiling and cheering alongside loved ones brought the tiniest of smiles to Carol’s face…
Well, nobody could prove anything.
“-and the real reason I came here was actually to find somewhere to live. I know we graduated and all, but you’re literally the only friend I’ve ever had in my whole life, so I don’t wanna just abandon you.”
“Aw, Chara! That’s so sweet!”
“I’ll never find another crybaby like you.”
“Aaaaand there it is…”
Hearing her son chatting, Toriel turned around and saw Asriel walking along with Dess and a human. The mother realised she recognised this human.
“Oh, Asriel! Is this your roommate from college?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah! Mom, meet my roomie Chara! Chara, this is my mom!” Asriel perked up and brought the two closer. They politely shook hands and smiled.
“Asriel has told me a lot about you!”
“And Asriel has probably cried for you just as much.”
“Hey!” Asriel snapped offendedly. Dess trying to hold back snickers didn’t help, either.
As this was happening, Jack set down his friends. They were giggling and joyous, until the moment Kris locked eyes with Chara. The older human did the same, and the atmosphere suddenly became heavy. Thick enough to cut with a knife.
Something both Chara and Kris were very tempted to do.
“What… what’s going on? What is this?” Dess dared not soeak above a miniscule whisper.
“Crap, I forgot. Neither of them like humans!” Asriel smacked himself in the forehead.
“But…”
“Chara’s family is very intolerant, and the people from their old all-human town were even more so. Kris… I think growing up in an all monster town made them insecure about their own humanity, and they’re uncomfortable around other humans.” Asriel, predicting Dess’ question, chose to just cut straight to the point.
As understanding dawned on Dess’ face, Tenna stomped in excitedly and cleaved the tension the same way the Knight cleaved him with red blade.
“We’re all set up, Madame Mayor! Who’s ready for a fantastically horrific and jolly MOVIE NIGHT?!”
Everyone swiftly followed the television man, and the two humans stood on either side of Asriel.
“Azzy, please tell me-”
“Asriel, if your little-”
“I’m gonna stop you both right there. Neither of you like humans, which means you’ll both try to avoid each other with equal effort and willingness. You won’t be forced to spend time together, and I’ll let you know in advance if I’m hanging out with either of you so you don’t have to encounter each other. Alright?”
Both humans’ eyes widened in surprise at Asriel’s preparedness, but they both nodded. They could accept coexisting so long as they were allowed to avoid each other as much as possible, much to Asriel’s relief.
The rest of the night went swimmingly, and the movie was a big hit. The next day, everyone would be groggy and tired from staying up so late, but nobody cared about that right now.
It was Halloween night, and the last hours of the Spooky Month were to be enjoyed to their fullest.
Chapter 11: Human in Appearance Only
Notes:
Heads up, this chapter is a bit heavier than usual. I tried to balance it with the usual humour of this fic, but I still don’t want it to catch anyone off guard.
I would really, really appreciate some feedback on how I managed to balance the seriousness and the comedy (and don’t worry, this isn’t meant to be a tonal shift for the whole series, only this episode. It’s about Chara, so naturally it was gonna be more angsty than usual, I promise the next episodes will be a return to lighthearted shenanigans).
Chapter Text
The steaming cup of hot chocolate brought Chara to utter bliss. With two entire bars melted into the drink, the human had declared QC’s Diner to be the single greatest place on Earth, much to the amusement of their friends sitting opposite the human.
Asriel was simply overjoyed by Chara moving to Hometown. Despite their… quirks, the monster and human had formed quite the bond, almost like siblings. It helped that Chara reminded Asriel so much of Kris.
He felt somewhat guilty about ditching Kris for this, but neither human wanted anything to do with the other. Similar as they were, they also shared a strong distaste of humanity due to different, yet very similar, circumstances.
“Dude, you’ve got a moustache.” Dess pointed lazily at Chara’s upper lip, and the human just shrugged. The two had been getting along just as well as Asriel hoped.
“Chocolate moustaches are the only facial hair I am willing to tolerate.” Chara stated simply with another sip of their hot choccy.
“So, Chara, settling in well then?” Asriel asked, taking a bite of his mother’s snail pie he’d brought with him.
“Yes. I have found a decent and affordable apartment, and I am considering working here to cover the rent. I have also spoken with your local priest about helping in the church.”
“Oh, Father Alvin? Great! He’s awesome, if you ever need help you can always count on him!” While Asriel continued to praise Alvin, Dess narrowed her eyes at Chara.
“Is something the matter, December?”
“You talk weird.” Dess blurted, to Asriel’s horror, “You sound like you’re possessed by a demon or something.”
“Good.” Chara smiled a small, unsettling smile, “It is a manner of speech I have practiced most of my life. If others see it fit to treat me like the spawn of the devil, I see no reason not to act the part.”
“Sick.” The two high-fived, and Asriel breathed a sigh of relief.
“Shame you and Kris don’t get along. You’re like, the same kind of freak.” And Dess proceeded to make Asriel tense up once more. Chara went unsettlingly quiet.
More than usual, anyway.
“Oh! Right, touchy subject. Sorry…” Thankfully, Dess had the self-awareness to realise her mistake.
“It is alright. I am aware that Asriel gave you the basic outline, but I do not expect a stranger to know about all of my issues.”
Dess wanted to mention how that was another similarity to Kris, but she knew better. Asriel suddenly clapped his hands and stood up, having shoved down the rest of his meal.
“How about we show Chara around! They haven’t had a proper tour yet, and we can show them our secret hangout spots!”
Dess and Chara both nodded in agreement and finished their drinks, paid, and followed Asriel around Hometown. The goat wiped his brow, glad he diffused that little bit of tension before it became a problem.
“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”
Kris cheered while Susie tried to drain the lake using only a paper straw. Noelle facepalmed with a fond smile, wondering how she fell for these idiots.
“If only Ralsei were here to see this!” Kris regarded as they pulled out their phone to record. Susie paused her drinking to take a breath and respond.
“Nah, he’d cry like lil’ baby trying to stop us. Then his tears would make the lake all salty!”
“C’mon, guys! Ralsei’s our boyfriend, we shouldn’t say these things about him!” Noelle tried to chastise, but Susie and Kris didn’t listen. She didn’t try to speak up, either, knowing that the pair weren’t really serious with their comments about their Darkner sweetheart.
Noelle remembered one time where Rouxls Kaard said something that hurt Ralsei’s feelings. It took everyone a week to scrape him off the ceiling, and another week to reinflate him to his normal flatness.
Noelle’s attention was suddenly caught by the sound of her sister’s voice. She, Asriel and his college roommate were walking down the path, chatting and laughing together.
“Dess! Hi!”
“Nelly, hey! Watcha up to? Trouble I hope.” The sisters hugged as they greeted each other.
“Well, it’s not me who’s up to trouble. Those two on the other hand…” Noelle gestured to her partners, who were still engrossed in their… activity.
“What are they doing?”
“Susie dropped her snack in the lake, and I made a joke about drinking all the water to get it back. Then Kris dared Susie to actually do that, and…”
Dess looked on at the younger teens with pride. Asriel wished he could still be surprised by Kris’ shenanigans. And Chara…
Chara’s gaze was locked onto Kris.
Kris, feeling someone’s eyes boring into them, turned around and spotted their fellow human. They tucked their phone away and stared back. The heavy tension from Halloween night was back in full effect, only disrupted by Susie’s slurping.
“Dude, you still rolling? I think I’ve drunk a full inch now!” Susie’s cheer was quickly squashed by the heavy air of the two humans’ staring contest. Eventually, they had enough.
“I’m gonna look for moss. Be right back.” And without further elaboration, Kris disappeared into the forest.
“What was that about?”
It’s… do you guys mind? I don’t wanna leave Susie in the dark about this.” Asriel separated from his group to explain the basics of his human friends’ dislikes. He made sure to stick to the outline, though, since any other details were up to Kris and Chara to explain.
“So, you are December’s younger sister?” Noelle was a bit surprised to be addressed by Chara, but nodded quickly.
“Yes! My name’s Noelle, nice to meet you!”
“Greetings. I am Chara.” Chara’s formal introduction and fixed gaze unsettled Noelle a bit. She was more than used to the cold, but this human’s gaze…
Her entire body twitched violently, and Noelle had to break eye contact.
“Sorry! I think I… have a bug in my sweater!” And with that poor excuse, Noelle returned to Susie’s side. Asriel had just finished his explanation and returned to his older friends.
“Sorry about that. Wanna get back to our tour?”
“Actually, I am feeling somewhat socially spent. I would like to have some time alone before we resume our little tour.”
Asriel looked at Chara with understanding, and they excused themself to parts unknown.
“Shouldn’t we make sure Kris doesn’t get lost?” Dess wrapped her arm around Asriel.
“Don’t worry, they know to stick to the outskirts of the woods. The only thing that would get them to wander deeper in is if they smelled a patch of Endangered Himalayan Albino Moss, but what are the chances of any growing here?”
Chara loved going on forest walks alone. As good a friend as Asriel was, they still weren’t used to socialising and greatly treasured their alone time. A lifetime of scrutiny and disapproval from literally everyone in one’s life will cause that.
Some people thought wandering the woods alone was dangerous. It wasn’t that dangerous if you carried a knife on your person at all times. Of course, that’s not why Chara actually carried their knife, but it was a nice bonus.
The dry, wrinkled leaves crunched beneath Chara’s feet, the last few stragglers still clinging to their branches doing little to block the midday sun. The air was crisp, but the human felt comfortable in their warm sweatshirt.
A strange noise made Chara stop in their tracks. It was halfway between scraping and chewing. Some sort of animal must have been here, probably a squirrel or something. If it was something bigger, they could probably fight it off, but they’d rather not have to. Treading slowly and lightly, Chara made their way around the tree they heard the noise coming from, and saw…
“Are you eating… moss?”
Kris, their mouth stained with greenish-white plant matter, snapped their head almost 180 degrees with a loud snap from their perch on the bark of the tree.
“No, I’m eating Endangered Himalayan Albino Moss. It’s different from normal moss and so, so tasty.” Disregarding the other human, Kris returned to their feasting. Chara wasn’t really sure what to make of the sight, even most monsters wouldn’t do…
Whatever this is.
Chara just sighed. They’d hoped to avoid Asriel’s younger sibling, and yet the Angel or God or Allah or any number of religious figures decided that their paths had to cross yet again.
“I am leaving.” Chara stated simply.
“Not that way you’re not. I know where the exit is, follow me.” Kris, having finished their meal, hopped off the tree and wiped their mouth.
“Why have you decided to help me? I was under the impression we held a mutual dislike for one another.”
“Yes, I don’t like you. But Azzy does, and I’d be a pretty shit sibling if I just left you to die in the woods. Or worse.” Chara felt that there was definitely something more to Kris’ sudden desire to help, but they didn’t feel like digging any deeper.
The two walked through the woods for a while. Then they walked some more. And more. They continued to walk more and more and more and more, and eventually the sun began setting.
“We are lost.”
“Nuh uh.” Kris denied, but they knew better. No way there were that many buttcheek shaped stumps in a single forest.
“Yes, we are. I am going to call Asriel.” Chara tried dialing their friend on their phone, but there wasn’t any phone signal wherever the two were.
“Nevermind…”
A sudden warmth alerted Chara to the fact that Kris had already lit a fire and set down two small logs as seats for the two of them to use.
“You appear oddly prepared for this situation.” Chara observed as they sat down opposite Kris.
“My earliest memories are of living alone in the woods before Asriel brought me home covered in mud and asked mom and dad if he could keep me.” Kris’ flat tone and even flatter expression told Chara they weren’t joking in the slightest.
“Right… I suppose we have no choice but to… spend the night together.” Chara gritted out that sentence painfully, and Kris reacted like they were punched in the gut.
This was sure to be a long, long night.
“MOM- UNDYNE! WE NEED HELP, STAT!” The urgency with which Susie burst into the police station made Undyne miss her charge’s little slipup.
“WHAT’S GOING ON?! WHO DO I NEED TO BEAT UP?!!!” Undyne didn’t even slam the table, it broke just from the fish lady’s sheer intensity.
“Nobody! It’s just-hic-just that Kris and-and Chara are l-lost in the woods and-AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT!” Ariel broke back into tears and both Holiday sisters tried to comfort him.
“Not your fault, Azzy. Chara and especially Kris should’ve known better.” Dess rubbed soothing circles into her boyfriend’s back while he just sobbed into her chest.
“SNAP OUT OF IT GOAT BOY! What were they wearing?! Where did you last see them?! Details!” Undyne suddenly smacked Asriel and shook him. Dess glared at the police chief, but it was utterly ineffective. Asriel pulled himself together and answered Undyne.
“W-well, um, you know Kris. They were wearing their usual outfit… Chara’s clothes are actually very similar to Kris’, but their skin is paler and their hair is shorter. They-they went into the woods, they could be anywhere!”
“Alright! NAPSTABLOOK!”
“………………………yes?……………….”
“START PRINTING SOME POSTERS! YOU KIDS COME WITH ME, WE’RE HUNTING FOR HUMANS!”
Before anyone could even protest, Undyne tucked everyone who wasn’t a police officer under her arms and leapt in the air, leaving a gaping hole in the roof.
Napstablook just stared.
“………………….I don’t have any pictures of them……………………”
It was getting dark now, and Kris was trudging through the woods with their arms full of firewood. This would be the last trip, it would soon be too dark for anything more.
Something in the darkness made them stop, however.
A grin.
A melting, lopsided, broken grin. It was so familiar to the human. No, so familiar to…
The cage, with human soul and parts.
That smile, it belonged…
It belonged to G-
“😐︎☼︎✋︎💧︎⑤︎”
Kris’ breath hitched. All the wood they were carrying clattered on the floor. They lost control of their breathing, but it felt as though they’d lost so much more control than just that.
“😐︎☼︎✋︎💧︎✏︎”
No control. Just a vessel. A cage as captive as its prisoner. A squire to the Roaring Knight. A lost and lonely child, desperate for a time forever gone…
“KRIS!”
A loud slap snapped Kris out of their trance, and they realised the entity before them was just Chara. Not the most desirable presence, but so much more welcomed than…
Than…
“I apologise Kris. I did not mean to frighten you that much.”
“That… that was you?” Kris found their voice again as their breathing slowed down.
“Yes. It is an expression I have spent years perfecting.” Chara did their melty smile again, and illuminated by the fire they realised it was very different from the smile they thought it was.
“Nice. That’s actually pretty awesome, it just… reminded me of… the-the man…”
Chara wasn’t sure what was happening to Kris, but they knew it must have been something really bad. Despite their inherent dislike for the other human, Chara still felt responsible for Kris’ safety, if only for Asriel’s sake.
Chara sat the younger human down on a log and helped them steady their breathing. Once they were sure they’d avoided a panic attack, Chara then took their seat on the opposite side of the fire.
“I believe it would be best if we went to sleep now. Rest will help us recover.” Chara began to lie down on their log, but Kris held out their hand.
“No. One of us has to stay awake and look out for danger.” Kris withdrew their knife, surprising Chara. They’d never met someone else who also carried a knife everywhere before.
“I do not think we need to worry about predators out here. The worst that could be out here is coyotes or wild dogs.”
“Do you know how Dess became the Roaring Knight?” Kris suddenly interjected. The fact that Asriel’s girlfriend had been the actual Roaring Knight from the Delta Rune was something Chara still didn’t quite comprehend, but at least accepted. Her dark world form bore too much resemblance to every fleeting depiction of the Knight to be mere coincidence. That, and the fact that the Roaring very nearly did happen worldwide, then stopped.
“No. I have not been made aware.”
“It happened in these woods. At night. We were together, and we let our guard down. What I saw…” Kris looked sick just thinking about it, and Chara realised now what had them so on edge. Regardless of what was true or not, whatever Kris witnessed here was horrific beyond imagination.
“Very well. We shall sleep in turns then. I too carry a knife, so when you are feeling tired, wake me up so we may switch places.”
Kris’ eyes widened in surprise for a moment, but they nodded and said nothing more. Chara laid down and tried to get as comfortable as they could, and both humans prepared for a rough night.
Luckily (or unluckily, depending on one’s perspective) they both had been through far, far worse than this. A night toughing it out in the woods was nothing for either human.
The search party swept the whole town, leaving no stone unturned (literally, in Susie’s case) and asking everyone if they saw anything.
While Undyne was busy throttling Pizzapants for answers (Susie did the same with Berdly, occasionally glancing at Undyne to make sure her technique was correct), Asriel continued to take deep breaths with help from Dess and Noelle.
“I’m… I’m sorry girls. I’m being such a big baby about this…” Asriel’s tears were halted by Noelle’s hand firmly grasping his.
“Asriel, your sibling and your best friend have gone missing. Crying is a perfectly reasonable response here. And… and at least you’re actually trying to find them.”
Dess wordlessly embraced the two most important people still left in her life.
“You all found me. Finding Kris and Chara is gonna be a cakewalk!” Dess’ cocky grin managed to lift Asriel’s spirit just a bit.
“Yeah… yeah, you’re right! Besides, I know Chara! They’re hardy, they’ve been through so much worse than being lost in some quiet little forest! And Kris was living up in a tree when I found them, they’ll both be fine! I mean, really, what’s the worst that could happen now? They get attacked by a bear? As if!” Asriel tested fate once more.
What a poor, näive young man.
Chara awoke with a start. A commotion had jostled the human out of their sleep, and their body rushed to boot itself up with help from adrenaline. They looked across the fire to make sure Kris was alright.
Kris wasn’t in their seat.
Chara turned around, and found Kris wrestling with a bear. Their knife had evidently been knocked out of their reach, and Kris looked rather beat up, but they weren’t backing down. With the noises, snarling and biting coming from the younger human, they almost looked more beastly than the bear trying to maul them.
Not wasting any more time, Chara unsheathed their own knife and plunged into the bear’s back the moment they had an opening. This made the bear rear back and roar in pain, and Kris retaliated further by getting in a good bite on the bear’s paw. Outnumbered and overwhelmed, the bear whimpered as it ran away, and its prey were left to catch their breaths in the quiet crackling of the fire.
“Are you alright?” Chara felt silly asking the question. That nasty gash on Kris’ leg should’ve been answer enough.
“Yeah… bears aren’t so bad. It’s crows you gotta look out for…” with the adrenaline wearing off, Kris suddenly collapsed on the ground. They hissed with pain and gripped their bleeding leg.
“My knife…”
“How will that help?”
“Just… hand it over… and drag me towards the fire…”
Chara obeyed, and looked on in shock as Kris heated the blade and cauterised their own wound with it.
“Thanks, Tenna.” Kris mumbled under their breath. Turns out you really can learn anything on TV.
Without warning, Chara picked Kris up and carried them on their back. They were about to protest, but Chara cut them off.
“You are injured and require medical attention. It would be irresponsible and cruel of me to make you walk all the way home. Additionally, I wish to repay you for protecting me from that bear.”
“I only did it cus Azzy would be devastated if you got eaten by a bear…” Kris mumbled.
“And he would feel the same way if his sibling died limping in the forest.”
The two humans were silent apart from Chara’s footsteps, and Kris felt themself nodding off. They mumbled one last thing before sleep claimed them.
“You’re not so bad, Chara…”
“Likewise, Kris.”
“Kid, are you sure you don’t wanna inform your parents about this?” Undyne asked Asriel with worry written on her face.
“Positive! Mom has to cover for another teacher at school tomorrow, and you know what dad is like when he doesn’t sleep enough on the third Saturday of the month.”
Undyne shivered. So many curtain rods…
“Tsu, tsu, tsu, here Krissy Krissy Kris!” Susie began clapping her hands softly and clicking, drawing attention to herself.
“Kid, what are you doing?” Undyne raised an eyebrow, but everyone else perked up.
“Of course, why didn’t I think of that!” Asriel began copying Susie, and then Noelle. Undyne looked to Dess for answers.
“Don’t ask me why, but Kris just responds to this sort of thing.” Dess shrugged. Undyne blinked, and decided it was best for her brain not to question any further. These people were Kris’ family, so obviously they knew best.
“Alright, fine. But Asriel? If we don’t find any humans by sunrise, I will be getting your parents, got it?”
“Alright, Officer Undyne! And uh, thanks for all your help so far!”
“No need, kid. Just doing my job.”
When Kris eventually woke up, they were still being carried by Chara. And sweet scent wafted into their nostrils, and when they shifted to find the source, Kris saw Chara eating-
“CHOCOLATE!”
Chara stumbled a bit in surprise and nearly fell over, but miraculously kept their balance.
“Sorry… I just really love chocolate…” Kris mumbled, still groggy from their sleep.
“Do not worry, I understand perfectly. I have absolutely no interest in romantic relationships whatsoever, but if I could I would propose marriage to all the chocolate in the world.”
“Fuckin’ same. I’ve been asking my partners if we could have a bar of chocolate be part of the polycule.” Chara laughed softly at what they thought was a joke from Kris.
“Seriously, with the Dark World it’s entirely possible! I don’t think any of them take me seriously, though…”
“Hmm. This Dark World sounds more and more fascinating. I will have to study it myself when I get the chance.” Chara mused. When silence befell the two humans once more, Chara decided to do something very out of character.
They snapped off a chunk of their chocolate bar and offered it to Kris.
“You’re being awfully generous to me for someone who’s supposed to hate humans.” Kris remarked after they scarfed down the offered chocolate. Chara sighed and Kris could feel the older human brace themself.
“In my experience, every human I have ever encountered has been selfish, cruel and judgemental. I grew up in an all human town, and everyone there was extremely intolerant. Not only were monsters not allowed, but unusual behaviour was looked down upon and punished.” Kris' grip on Chara tightened, and it provided them with comfort they didn’t know they needed.
“I know this will be obvious to you, but I was unusual. Different. Wrong. I did not play like the other children, I did not laugh like the other children, I did not smile like the other children. I did not even cry like the other children. I felt wrong. Broken. I did not fit the mold of ‘human’ and was taught I did not deserve to live because of it. And I used to believe that until I met a monster. A turtle of some kind…”
“Gerson Boom?” Kris offered.
“Yes.”
“Of course it was him…”
“He taught me that my flaws were nothing to be ashamed of. He even praised me for them. For the first time in my life I did not feel scrutinised or judged… I felt accepted. And all the other monsters I met made me feel the same. That was when I decided I did not want to be a human. I took everything the humans did not like about me and exacerbated tenfold. The day I was kicked out was one of the best of my life.”
Kris had nothing to say to that, so they stayed silent.
“You… you don’t act like a human. You are strange, feral even. You eat moss, bite bears, and your own brother adopted you like a stray dog. You are also kind, kind enough to protect me despite our mutual dislike for each other. By my definition, you are not ‘human’.” Chara concluded. They patiently waited for Kris’ response, but their heart quickly dropped when they heard sobbing from behind them.
“Kris?”
“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear that.”
Now it was Chara’s turn to be speechless.
“I… picture this. Your family all have horns. Fluffy white fur. Floppy ears. You’re a little kid with no horns, brown hair only their head and small, stiff ears who doesn’t know any better. You ask your mom when your horns are gonna grow after seeing your older brother’s horns grow longer every day. Then she has to sit you down and explain how you’re… different.”
Chara was realising that Dess was right. The two humans were more alike than they knew.
“I used to wear this little horn headband to feel less different, but obviously that didn’t help much. Naturally, I couldn’t go and live with humans, you’ve already explained why. But… monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and yet I never fit into any group of monsters, no matter how similar or different. It doesn’t matter that MK has no arms, or that Snowy is a bird. The fact I’m descended from some ape means I’m automatically different. I don’t fit in anywhere, because of that stupid label. I hate being human. I just want a pair of horns so I can finally fit in. But you telling me I don’t seem human at all…”
There were no more words that needed to be spoken. The two humans (in a purely biological sense) had achieved a mutual understanding. Chara offered more chocolate to Kris, and they gratefully accepted. The gentle crunching of the leaves under Chara’s feet was eventually broken by another noise. Kris perked up and tracked the sound.
“That’s… that’s Susie! And Azzy! And everyone else! That way!” Kris pointed to the source of the noise, and Chara rushed in the direction, eager to finally get out of the damn woods.
“Guys, I found them!”
Noelle was bowled over by a tall, fluffy goat man who knocked his two favourite humans to the ground from how hard he hugged them.
“ASRIEL!”
“OW, AZZY! MY LEG!”
“I’M SO SORRY YOU TWO THIS IS ALL MY FAULT I SHOULD’VE STOPPED YOU OR GONE WITH YOU OR SOMETHING PLEASE FORGIVE ME I’M SO SORRY-”
Asriel continued to sob incoherently until Undyne finally peeled him off the two humans.
“Looks like you two are getting along now.” Susie grinned, noticing Kris and Chara’s close proximity.
“Yeah, turns out Chara’s pretty cool actually."
“You were correct, Dess. Kris and I are actually very alike.”
“I’m saying, like!”
Having calmed down, Asriel finally noticed the brown stains around the humans’ mouths.
“Were you two eating chocolate? Where did you find chocolate?”
“Chara shared their chocolate with me.”
Asriel gawked at his former roommate as if they’d just destroyed the entire universe with only their knife.
“But… you never share your chocolate, Chara!”
“There is a first time for everything. However, we will have to discuss this later, since Kris is injured.”
“SHIT, WHAT?!” Susie noticed Kris’ messed up leg and immediately picked up her partner in her arms. She rushed off to the hospital without saying anything to anyone, and Noelle followed close as she fussed over Kris. The others followed at a more moderate pace, wanting to make sure Chara was alright.
“You kids gonna be good on your own? I gotta get back to the station.” Undyne explained, not really wanting to leave the young adults alone.
“We’re fine, chief, don’t worry. Also, we’re not kids anymore, stop calling us that.” Dess waved Undyne off coolly, and the fish lady tipped her hat before sprinting back to the police station.
Despite everything, Chara had a smile on their face. Not only had they made a new friend, but it was a friend who could understand them on a level so intimate they had always believed such a person couldn’t possibly exist.
Chara knew they made a perfect choice moving to Hometown.
Chapter 12: The one everyone’s been waiting for
Notes:
You’re welcome :)
Chapter Text
“ASGORE! HELP ME IMPRESS A GIRL!”
Not even flinching, Asgore took his time as he delicately finished pruning his flowers. He gently set his shears down, took off his gloves and turned around to greet Undyne.
“Howdy, Undyne! Are you in need of romantic advice?”
“Yes! Teach me how to impress my roommate so that we may forge an unbreakable bond of love in the flames of passion!” Despite Undyne’s over the top outburst, Asgore just softly chortled as if she’d made a joke about the weather.
“Well, who is this very lucky roommate?”
“Her name is Alphys! Her scales glisten gold like the treasure of a MIGHTY DRAGON-”
“Do you mean Kris’ teacher?” Asgore cut off Undyne, but she didn’t seem to mind at all.
“YES!”
Asgore hummed thoughtfully as he stroked his beard in thought.
“Well… ideally you should get advice from Tori, since she works very closely with Alphys. But since they’re both working right now…” Eventually, Asgore clapped his hands with a big grin.
“You could learn a musical instrument! I know Tori couldn’t resist my triangle skills back in our college years!” Asgore reminisced fondly like the sad, lonely, divorced man he was.
“Great! I’m gonna learn how to play a song so beautiful Alphys will have NO CHOICE but to BEG for my hand in marriage! Bye now, thanks Asgore!” Undyne exited Flower King as bombastically as she’d entered, and Asgore was left alone to shake his head fondly. Despite how much everything changed for everyone, Undyne always stayed her usual self.
For that, Asgore was grateful.
His focus was briefly disrupted by the sound of a dog barking, but the metaphorical king just shrugged and went back to his work.
“U-u-uhm, e-excuse me, Toriel?” Alphys stuttered shyly. It was currently lunch at school, and the two teachers ate together like they usually did.
“Yes?” Toriel’s soft voice and warm eyes always managed to calm Alphys’ nerves. She remembered actually just about managing to ask Toriel out once (with only a single heart attack), but the goat lady had let Alphys down gently after she was let out of the hospital. Miraculously, they managed to stay friends with absolutely no traces of awkwardness.
Well, miraculously for Alphys. For Toriel, that was probably normal.
Alphys shook her head. Focus, dammit!
“I-I-I need advice… romantic advice.” Alphys’ throat constricted as she spoke, as if her body was physically repulsed from making that admission. Still, she choked her request out loud enough for Toriel to hear, and there was no taking it back now.
“Well, I will do my best to help you, Alphys! Who is this lucky person you want to woo?”
“Phew… it’s um, Undyne, my roommate. She’s just… so cool, and strong, and hot, and… wow…” Alphys trailed off with a dreamy expression as she thought about her powerful roommate. Toriel giggled softly at the sight, offering her reptilian friend a tissue for her bleeding nose.
“Well, I believe you should treat her to a lovely night.” Toriel said after Alphys returned her attention to the goat.
“Ooh, that’s a good idea! But, um… what would I do?”
“Hmm… admittedly, I do not know Undyne very well, in fact Asgore knows her best… but in my experience, you cannot go wrong with a lovely dinner and dancing!” Toriel’s eyes gained a tiny glimmer of somberness as she remembered her brief time with Sans.
“Oh… well, um, I… I’ll try! I’ll try my very best to show Undyne how much I love her by-by giving her a dream date! I-I’ve read enough manga and seen enough anime to know what’s what, I got this!” Alphys declared with uncharacteristic and very misplaced confidence. Toriel, however, just smiled, completely unaware of how unprepared her friend really was.
Her ear twitched slightly when loud yipping from outside became audible through the walls of the school. It sounded like a dog, so Toriel simply disregarded the sound.
Susie was on her way to the graveyard to pay her respects to a certain old man, but she was sidetracked by a strange racket coming from the church. Alvin and Chara both stood outside, covering their ears in displeasure.
“Yo, what’s going on here?”
“It would seem that a local brute other than yourself has seen fit to assault the musical instruments in the church.”
Susie just looked at Chara confused.
“What they meant to say was that Undyne asked to use our piano to practice playing, and I let her. I’m beginning to regret that decision now…” Alvin explained.
“Ooooohhhh! Wait, why is Undyne practicing piano?”
“You’ll have to ask her yourself, young lady. She was quite evasive when I asked her that question.” Despite the cacophony coming from inside, Alvin uncovered one of his ears and opened the door for Susie. The purple monster wasn’t particularly bothered by the racket, her vocal chords could produce far more grating and unbearable noises first thing in the morning.
It’s why it was so shocking to her when Kris, Noelle and Ralsei kept begging for more sleepovers with her.
When Susie walked into the room with the piano, she was nearly blown back by the deafening volume of a fish Amazon violently attacking a piano.
“Hey!” Susie tried to shout over the noise, but to no avail.
“HEY!” She tried again, but still nothing.
Huffing in frustration, Susie took a deep breath and roared. She put so much force into her roar that the church’s foundations rattled, but fortunately the building didn’t collapse.
“Oh, hiya Susie! Didn’t hear ya there for a sec.” Undyne looked happy as Larry, blissfully unaware of the mortal danger Susie had to put them in just to grab her attention.
“Why are ya learning piano?”
Undyne suddenly looked embarrassed, an expression that was extremely foreign on the embodiment of bold confidence that was Hometown’s police chief.
“Promise you won’t tell anyone…”
“You haven’t told me anything yet.”
“PROMISE, PUNK!”
“Alright, alright! I promise not to tell anyone this thing you haven’t told me yet!”
Undyne took a deep breath and briefly apologised for her outburst.
“I wanna date Alphys. And I wanna learn a musical instrument to do it, so I picked the piano cus it’s like, all romantic and stuff. Just like that one anime we watched together!” Undyne’s eyes unfocused as the thought of Alphys’ adorable little squawks and squeals she made while she watched anime settled comfortably in her head.
Susie’s barking laughter popped that bubble.
“What’s so funny punk?”
“Ok, first off? Alphys? Seriously?” Susie wiped tears from her eyes.
“You’re dating a feral human, a girl chronically obsessed with Christmas and a walking pile of fluff. Don’t judge my love interests, ya little punk!” Undyne glared at Susie, but she was apparently immune to the intensity of her mother figure’s gaze.
“Alright, fair enough. But second, you chose piano? That’s probably, like, the hardest instrument to try and teach yourself.”
“And what makes you a piano expert?” Undyne eyed Susie, who casually got her phone out.
“I’m not. But Kris is, and by the sound of your playing, you need expert help.” Undyne was about to snap back and protest, but then thought better of it. A teacher that actually knows what they’re doing would let Undyne learn at least one song much faster, and thus allow her to win Alphys over much sooner.
So Undyne simply sat back and let Susie phone Kris, feeling a tinge of excitement at her practically guaranteed success.
Hustling and bustling about the apartment, Alphys tidied up every last bit of mess and disorder with an eye for detail so precise it would make Tasque Manager blush.
Next, she opened her tub of special order, same day delivery imported Japanese cherry blossom petals and very carefully sprinkled them on the floor and around the small dining table.
Once Alphys was properly satisfied with all the petals sprinkled about the place, she lit the variety of scented candles she’s carefully placed around the apartment, taking a careful sniff of each one to make sure the smell was alright. The last set of candles she lit were on a candelabra set in the middle of the table to maximise the romanticism.
The step she was the least sure of was cooking, but she looked up a recipe for spaghetti online and tried her best to follow it. She knew Undyne was quite fond of spaghetti, and Alphys herself was sure to enjoy it thanks to her cup noodle addiction.
Now, anyone would find it reasonable to ask why Alphys was setting up an entire romantic night in mid afternoon before the sun even set, and her answer would be a single word.
Practice.
Gasping, Alphys remembered she hadn’t tried on her dress yet. It was a generous gift from Toriel, who reassured her fellow teacher that she was glad to part with the dress since it simply didn’t fit her anymore. It was a lovely black piece covered in sparkly sequins, and it even took thick tails like Alphys’ into consideration, meaning it was quite comfortable to wear.
Admiring herself in the mirror, Alphys did a twirl and giggled in delight. For once, the lizard actually thought she looked… pretty. A word nobody had ever used to describe Alphys at any point in her life.
The feeling was short lived, however. The faint smell of burning entered Alphys’ nostrils, and the teacher quickly rushed back to the kitchenette. To her utter horror and bafflement, the water had somehow caught fire in the brief moment she wasn’t watching it.
Fortunately, Alphys was well aware of her complete lack of cooking prowess, and was prepared with a fire extinguisher under the table. She scrambled to pick it up and promptly put the kitchen fire out, feeling relieved by her save.
Unfortunately, in her haste to pick up the fire extinguisher, Alphys had knocked the candelabra onto the floor, and the trail of petals left on the ground allowed the flames to spread rapidly throughout the entire living space. The cry Alphys made when she saw her entire apartment up in flames would soon attract a horde of birdwatchers to Hometown, but currently there were more pressing matters.
Spraying her extinguisher until it was completely empty, Alphys sadly looked over the damage. Thankfully nothing of value in the apartment had been damaged, but the entire place was covered in scorch marks and ruined. All the other candles had been put out by the foam, and the petals were reduced to ash.
The entire place was ruined. Even if the lizard monster set everything up again, the apartment could never act as a romantic dinner spot in the state it was in.
A sov slipped out of her throat. Her eyes burned with tears and Alphys considered running away and hiding like she always did. She immediately smacked that thought out of her head, remembering her favourite qualities about Undyne and trying to embody them herself.
Amazingly to Alphys, this actually helped her calm down and recentre herself. Considering what to do, Alphys suddenly realised she had a friend she could call for help of any kind. She quickly tapped her phone and fidgeted in place as she waited for an answer.
“Hello, Maddy? I need your help, urgently!”
Susie struggled against a rabid, frothing beast whose sheer desire to injure Undyne made even the fearless fish lady take a step back.
“Kris, c’mon! That’s enough!”
Calming down, the human stopped thrashing against Susie’s grip and wiped their mouth.
“So… I’m guessing I wasn’t good?” Undyne asked sheepishly.
“Wasn’t good? WASN’T GOOD?!” Kris’ volume was inappropriate for a church, but it was nothing compared to the sonic onslaught that preceded their oncoming rant.
“The saying is TICKLING the ivories! Not punching holes through the ivories! The piano forte is a precious, complex instrument that deserves to be treated with respect and a delicate touch. I’m shocked this poor thing is still standing after you tried murdering it.” Kris began stroking the church piano in the middle of their rant like an injured animal.
“I just thought that if I played the piano with all my strength and passion, it’d sound awesome! That’s how most things work.”
“Well the piano doesn’t. Let me demonstrate the appropriate way to treat this beautiful instrument.”
With gentle, delicate strokes of the piano’s ivory keys, Susie and Undyne became enraptured by one of Kris’ marvellous performances. Every single note was filled to the brim with emotion and soul, and every little slip-up just made the entire thing feel more real, more genuine. It was incredible just how much heart Kris was able to pour into a short performance without even a warmup of any kind.
Once Kris stopped, it took Undyne a hot second to pick her jaw up off the ground. She looked down at her clawed fingers, then back at Kris.
“I’m not sure if I can play the piano that gently. I… I wanna express all my love and passion to Alphys, really show her all of my raw feelings for her! Maybe I shouldn’t bother…” Undyne’s downcast expression twisted Susie’s heart like nothing else in her life. Seeing a badass like Undyne look so dejected just felt…
Wrong.
Thankfully, Kris wasn’t going to tolerate that.
“Nonsense. There are plenty of occasions where a piano performance requires some extra force applied to the keys for a stronger sound. However, you need to practice being able to hold back just enough to make a pleasant sound. And not break the piano, of course.”
“But how am I supposed to do that? I never hold back. Ever!”
Susie hummed in thought, then snapped her fingers.
“Why don’t you treat it like opening a soda bottle?”
Kris and Undyne tilted their heads at Susie, wordlessly asking her to elaborate.
“Think about it! If you shake a bottle of soda and then crack it open, the soda goes flying everywhere. But if you open it just a little, all that gas is still released and it might try to spray out the bottle, but in the end it all stays inside. Maybe if you tried doing something like that it might work, Undyne!”
The fish cop considered Susie’s reasoning for a moment. She visualised the bottle of soda in her head cracking open and spraying all over Alphys, leaving her soaking wet and upset. But the Undyne visualised opening the bottle slowly, and Alphys enjoying the sweet fizzy drink with her clothes and scales all nice and dry.
A huge grin split her face and she lunged at Susie, locking her in a noogie.
“Heh, thanks kid! You’re a real genius, y’know that? Couldn’t ask for a better daughter than you!”
“Huh?”
“What?”
Kris coughed after a beat, breaking the awkward silence and reminding everyone why they were even here in the first place.
“Right! So, uh, where do we start?” Undyne sat down next to Kris. The chair was small, so it was a tight squeeze, but the two just about managed.
“I assume you’re not looking to learn the whole instrument, but just a single song, right? Right. We’ll go over the basics and practice a simple love song that involves forceful presses of the keys. The important thing is not rushing and repeating the song over and over to build up muscle memory.”
Kris continued their explanation, and Susie involuntarily tuned it out. It was nothing against Kris, of course, Susie’s brain just had this uncanny ability to automatically tune out anything educational (much to the frustration of every single one of her teachers). Regardless, the sight of her partner teaching piano to one of the few grownups who hasn’t let her down (yet) and (probably) never will gave her a warm feeling in her chest.
It was nice. So she simply let the words wash over her, and focused only on the fragments of song that were slowly coming together.
“I really can’t thank you enough for this, Maddy!” Alphys gushed from within the Kawaii Cat’s Casino, although the interior currently resembled a fancy restaurant.
“Ya already thanked me by letting me have this wonderful body! You made all my dreams come true, so the least I can do is help you hook up with that Hulk fish of a woman!” Maddy grinned as she and Alphys lifted a table together. When they set it back down, Alphys let out a puff, but Maddy didn’t feel the need since she hasn’t fully fused with her body yet. Despite that, she also felt a bit worn out by the effort.
“Would be nice to have some help around here. Perhaps I should start hiring… might also give me more time to stream…”
“So, is everything set up then?” Her friend’s question snapped Maddy out of her thought process and brought her back to the present. Looking around the refurbished establishment, Maddy nodded once and looked back down at Alphys.
“Yup, it’s all set up! Feel free to add any little flourishes you want though, the place is yours for tonight. Just don’t burn it down!” Maddy giggled with a wink, and Alphys joined in a second too late with a laugh that was a bit too loud.
Maddy didn’t get the chance to question it, however, when the door suddenly burst open. The slamming was accompanied by a chorus of barks and panting.
“Everybody move! We’re the Wet-Nose Bandits, and we’re here for all your treats!” The dog at the front of the pack, a lanky pooch with very squinty eyes, announced.
“Isn’t the phrase nobody move?” Maddy questioned. Needless to say, she wasn’t intimidated in the least.
“Doggo can’t see anything that doesn’t move.”
“(And his sinuses are all blocked up, too.)”
The explanation came from a couple of dogs who were perpetually nuzzling each other. If they weren’t about to rob her, Alphys would have squealed at the adorable sight.
“DON’T TELL THEM THAT! Whatever, just hand over the doggy treats and nobody has to get hurt!”
Alphys was paralysed with fear. She quivered in place like a leaf, utterly petrified by the sheer notion of being involved in a robbery.
Maddy had no such problems.
“Look, Fido, I know you probably couldn’t read the sign, but this is a casino. A cat themed casino. We don’t have any treats here.”
“Then how do you explain THIS?!” Doggo reached into a bin near the entrance and pulled out a crumpled paper.
Maddy didn’t even say anything, just raised an eyebrow. One of the dogs whispered something to Doggo and he promptly dug through the bin once more.
“How do you explain THIS?!”
“(Doggo, those are broken poker chips.)”
One more dive, and finally he pulled out the correct item: a half-eaten, discarded donut from next door.
“Oh, you’re after that spider chick’s stuff? Just rob her instead.” Maddy wasn’t even looking at the dogs anymore, she was just examining her claws.
“No way, bub! We know better than to mess with spiders! Now, hand over the treats or you’re in for this!” Doggo gestured to the biggest dog in the pack, who just tilted his head and smiled happily, tongue lolling out.
A soft growl from Doggo prompted the ginormous pooch to act, walking towards one of the unplugged slot machines and lightly nudging it. The machine toppled over and brought down the next slot machine, and the next, and soon the domino effect was in full swing. The last machine hit a shelf with a Japanese waving cat figurine and sent it flying on a collision course with one of the overhead lights. The lamp sparked and fell off the ceiling with a loud crash, caving in the front desk with a wave of sparks.
Alphys and Maddy were gobsmacked.
“Still wanna mess with us now?” Doggo asked smugly, but with his limited vision he could see Alphys frantically shuffling away from Maddy. The catgirl herself was vibrating violently in place, like a volatile explosive.
One that would go off right about…
“DAMN IT! DAMN IT!! DAMN IT!!!”
Now.
“YOU STUPID MUTTS! I’VE HAD TO SET UP THIS ENTIRE PLACE ALL BY MYSELF!! AND THEN TONIGHT I HAD TO REARRANGE IT WITH THE HELP OF WIMPYS THE RELUNCTANT DRAGON AND NOW I HAVE TO BUY NEW EVERYTHING!!! AND WHO’S GONNA HAVE CLEAN THIS MESS UP ALONE?! ME! ME!! ME!!!”
The Wet-Nose Bandits all whimpered in place. They were terrified by this lady’s irate screeching.
Not nearly as terrified by what came next, though.
Maddy thrust an arm through the floor of her establishment and pulled out one of the many chainsaws she had hidden all around the place exactly for situations like these.
“Maybe it’s not all so bad! I’ve been wanting to repaint the walls anyway, and I was thinking a nice RED might look good!” Revving the infernal machine, Maddy took one step towards the canine crims. The pack all bolted with their tails between their legs, and Maddy chased after them with her chainsaw in the air like a deranged Texan.
During this whole commotion, Alphys had worked up the guts to phone Undyne and beg for help. Now she had to make sure her friend wouldn’t get locked up for murder, so she reluctantly followed the chaos.
Perhaps it was a good thing that she didn’t have time to consider that yet another date attempt had gone awry before she could even ask her crush out.
“Which way did the perps go?!” Alphys gave a short shriek when someone ran up behind her and picked her up, but she calmed down immediately when she saw it was Undyne carrying the short reptile on her shoulders.
“Th-they were h-heading t-towards the school!” Alphys stuttered nervously. She would be more nervous at the idea of Undyne carrying her so effortlessly like a grape, but there were more pressing matters at the moment.
“If they run to Castle Town, they’re cooked!” Undyne cackled menacingly at the thought of using her spears. Alphys herself could wield electricity, but she was too frightened by her own Dark World magic to actually use it most of the time.
With the last slivers of sunlight disappearing behind the horizon, Undyne slammed the school doors open and leaped head first into the black abyss of the supply closet. She revelled in the feeling of her form shifting, and her police uniform was replaced by her colourful armour. Alphys, meanwhile, looked more like some sort of mad scientist from one of her anime, complete with swirly glasses.
Soon Undyne would be kissing that dorky, otaku face like a starving shark devouring a whale carcass.
But she had work to do first.
“STOP, POLICE!” Undyne summoned a spear and pointed in the vague direction of chaos. A mad anime doll chasing a pack of terrified dogs with a revving chainsaw that recently gained magical properties was…
Honestly not the strangest sight in Castle Town.
Still, it posed a danger to the Darkners, and Ralsei was already on the scene trying to Pacify Maddy to no avail.
“Officer Undyne! Please help, I don’t know what to do!” The prince’s voice was frantic and his pupils pinpricks.
Undyne thrust her spear into the ground and several more appeared from the ground, creating a wall between Maddy and the Wet-Nose Bandits. This didn’t stop her though, as in her blind rage she simply sliced through the spears with her own enchanted chainsaw. The dogs, now cornered by the cage meant to protect them, whimpered as their tormentor approached ever closer, her revving chainsaw raised up high…
Only to clatter on the ground when a blue whip wrapped around Maddy, fully constricting her.
“What is all this chaos?! This mess is simply unacceptable, especially from a cat! We’re classy, we shouldn’t act like savages!” Tasque Manager chastised her captor, who tried gnawing on her whip. Managing to free herself, Maddy whirled around to face the cyber cat.
“WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA, LADY?! CAN’T YOU SEE I!”
Crack!
“Down girl!”
“Mew!”
With just a single crack of Tasque Manager’s whip, Maddy was suddenly crouching down on the floor and looking up at her fellow cat lady with massive, apologetic eyes.
“Hey, thanks for the assist Miss Manager! I’ll handle the dogs.” Undyne patted Tasque Manager on the shoulder gratefully.
“Oh, it’s no trouble! Just doing my job of taming unruly kitties.” Tasque Manager eyed Maddy with a certain predatory gaze that made her feel…
Something. Not something good, mind you, hust…
Shut up.
Go away.
“M-Maddy! Are y-you ok!” Alphys offered her hand to Maddy to help the doll get back up, but the manoeuvre was a bit awkward given the teacher’s much shorter stature.
“Yeah… I lost my temper big time, didn’t I? Sorry ‘bout that…”
“I’ll say!” Undyne butted in, “what did these guys do to drive you to the point of attempted murder?”
“They barged in and completely wrecked my casino! And after Alph and I spent so much time preparing it for her little romantic date with you.” Maddy huffed, not noticing Alphys’ increasingly frantic gestures to stop talking.
“Hmm… well, I guess you could technically argue it was self-defence… look, it’s been a long day and I’m tired, I’m just gonna lock these guys up for the night and let you off with a stern warning, ok?”
“Thank nyou!~”
“Don’t push it.” Undyne moved to handcuff the pack of dogs who were all but begging to be locked up in a safe little cell, but then Ralsei tapped the fish lady’s side.
“I was thinking… Maybe we could try something other than locking them up? I don’t know these guys very well, but they don’t seem too dangerous. Perhaps giving them a chance to reform could keep them off the streets!” Ralsei smiled up hopefully at Undyne.
“You mean like community service? Hmm…”
“Oh!” Alphys suddenly spoke up, “Maddy, weren’t you looking for help around your casino? M-maybe the Wet-Nose Bandits could repay the damages by working for you?”
Maddy looked like she was about to explode in rage again, but then had a thought.
“What kinda wages would you mutts demand?”
The dogs murmured amongst themselves. Then, Doggo stepped up.
“Doggy treats.” He said simply.
“Alright then, you’re hired!” Maddy cheered up like she was never angry a single day in her life, and she and the dogs promptly exited the town as they worked out the details of their future employment. Just as they left, Kris and Susie descended from the light and ran up to Undyne.
“Hey, what the Hell just happened?! You just run away after a phone call and then we see Maddy walk outta here with a pack of dogs?” Susie’s disbelieving tone stayed unchanged even when Ralsei enveloped her in a hug and her hand unconsciously stroked his head.
“Those dogs were trying to rob Maddy’s casino, but she retaliated with a chainsaw. Fortunately we diffused the situation and now they’re gonna repay their crimes by working for her. Good idea, by the way!” Undyne patted Alphys on the back, but the yellow reptile remained almost catatonic.
“D’ya ask her out in the middle of the fight?” Susie chuckled.
“No. Maddy did mention something about a romantic night though. Supposedly Alphys was gonna use the place to ask… me…” And now that Undyne finally registered what Mad Mew Mew actually told her, it was the cop’s turn to look stiff.
“I-I-I’m sorry! I just-just wanted t-t-t-to g-go on a… a date w-with you! But I just kept messing it up because I messeverythingupandnothingevergoesrightformeand-”
“Alphys!”
A pair of strong, scaly hands squished Alphys’ cheeks together and forced her to look Undyne in the eyes.
“Yes.”
“Yesh?”
“Yes, I wanna go on a date with you. In fact, I spent all day learning the piano so I could play you a love song. Kinda lame, I know, but you make me feel all these mushy, soft feelings that make doing lame things for you feel better than destroying giant robots with even better swords.”
Alphys’ eyes were wider than the moon. She couldn’t believe what Undyne had just said to her, in fact she expected her alarm clock to go off at any moment.
It never did though, even when Undyne leaned in closer and locked her lips with the lizard.
The kiss was messy, unskilled and awkward. But to both women? It was the single best moment in their lives. Their insides felt like they were on fire with passion, and that passion was begging to be released. Alphys forgot all her anxieties and leaned into the kiss, getting rougher than even she would expect from herself. Undyne allowed herself to relax and let it happen, happy for the first time ever to show weakness.
The two eventually ran out of air and were forced apart, but they never broke eye contact. Leaning their foreheads against each other, Alphys and Undyne basked in the shared euphoria of spending the rest of their lives together.
The moment was interrupted by a slow clapping. It was Susie.
“I would say get a room, buuuut…” Susie barked a chuckle and kept slowly clapping. Ralsei hid his face in his scarf, looking happy but flustered by the display. Tasque Manager was more visibly overjoyed by the display, wanting to immortalise the moment forever. And Kris?
Kris just looked stoic as always. Deep down, though, they felt a tinge of pride. Even if Undyne didn’t get to show off her newly acquired piano skills, it still gave her the confidence to be all mushy with her feelings, and it was all thanks to Kris.
“Ooh, you’re not getting away with that, punk! C’mere, you’re under arrest!” Undyne leapt forth and tucked Susie into another noogie. Alphys just looked at her housemates fondly, feeling so thankful to the universe that she lived with those people out of everyone in the world.
It almost felt like they were a family, especially now that she and Undyne were…
Were…
“Excuse me, ladies? If you wish, you can have a lovely date at the Colour Café! I’ll let Swatch know it’s a special occasion, and there will even be a piano for you to play, Officer Undyne!” Tasque Manager offered. The newly formed couple looked at each other, nodded, then looked back at Tasque Manager.
“Yes, please!” They said simultaneously. Undyne let go of Susie and grabbed Alphys’ hand, and the couple followed Tasque Manager into the café.
“Y’know Al, you look really pretty here in the Dark World.”
“Wow, really? Y-you um, look really hot in the Dark World. Not that you don’t look hot in the Light World too! It’s just that…” Alphys’ voice trailed off as the doors to the café shut.
“Glad none of us are like that. Could you imagine being that mushy with each other, Kris?” Susie remarked mirthfully with her hands behind her head.
“No. You and Nelly, on the other hand…”
“Shut up!”
“Susie, I wuv you too! Oo-woo!”
“WHY’D YOU TEACH HIM HOW TO TEASE, KRIS?!”
Chapter 13: The Holiday Family Camping Family Holiday!
Notes:
Shoutout to number-1-roaring-knight-fan on Tumblr for indirectly inspiring this episode, specifically with their username.
Chapter Text
“Are ya ready or what, camper!”
When Dess burst into Noelle’s room with her upbeat announcement, the younger deer was thrown off by the fact that it wasn’t her father performing the action.
“Ready for what?” Noelle tilted her head, shutting her textbook and putting it aside.
“Well, it’s nearing December (the month, not me!) and you know what that means! The Holiday Family Camping Family Holiday!” Dess was giddily hopping in place now, but the sentiment wasn’t shared by her younger sister.
“Wait, really? But… but without dad…”
Noelle’s downcast expression gave Dess pause. She sighed and hugged her sister close, understanding her pain completely.
“You were too young to remember this, Nelly. But one year, at the end of one camping trip, dad took me aside to say something. I think he already knew he was getting ill, but I didn’t really get it at the time.”
Noelle adjusted in Dess’ grip to look up at her sister now, attention rapt.
“What did he want to say?”
“He told me that… that one day, he wouldn’t be around for us anymore. And he said that, even though he might not be there physically, we could keep him around in other ways. He made some joke about the ‘Holiday Spirit’ too.”
The two girls paused for a moment to softly giggle at their dad’s lame jokes that made them groan every time. What they wouldn’t give to hear more of them now…
“He said that this little family camping tradition was something great great grandpa Nick started, and they kept going even without him because… because when someone is gone, and you keep remembering them and maintaining their little traditions… they’re not really gone. The same way it isn’t Christmas without all its little traditions. At least, that was the gist of it. I don’t… remember the exact words he used anymore.”
Noelle’s eyes grew misty. Despite that, she didn’t feel sad, at least she didn’t think she did. It was difficult to describe her emotions right now, but she was sure of one thing.
“Alright. Let’s do this camping trip together. For dad.”
“For the Holidays.” Dess amended, and the sisters tightened their grip on each other before releasing. They’d have liked to stretch out the bittersweet moment as much as they could, but it was time to get packing. There was a lot to prepare for a winter camping trip and little time to prepare it, after all.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you there?”
“I’m positive, Azzy. Look, it’s gonna be fine, ok? I’m the Roaring Knight, I got nothing to be afraid of.” Dess confidently crossed her arms. She, Noelle, her mother and the Dreemurrs alongside Susie were all at the bus stop to see them off, Dess and her sister wanting this to be as much of a Holidays only event as possible.
“Dess, the reason you became the Roaring Knight is because some eldritch shadowy thing kidnapped you in the middle of the woods for three years and scarred Kris for life. So forgive me if I’m a little reluctant to see you go off into the woods again.” Asriel deadpanned.
“That’s why we took precautions!” Noelle stepped in, opening her sister’s large bag and pulling a few items out.
“Even though we have a no phones rule, we still have satellite phones in case of emergency. We also have tracking devices that you can use to find us in case we don’t come back in time, and we even have emergency flares!” Noelle showed off each item and put it back as she listed them off.
“Guess Ralsei infected you with his worry warts, eh?” Susie snickered, Kris quietly joining her.
“It pays to be prepared, Susie! We can’t all be feral apex predators like you and Kris.” Noelle half-joked with a mock stern expression, hands on her hips and everything.
“I’m very glad you girls are doing this. I know that Rudy wouldn’t want you, or any of us, to stop having fun with our family even in his absence.” Asgore remarked with a sympathetic look in his eyes. The Holiday sisters shared that same look and held their arms out to the flower king, who quickly scooped them up in one of massive, fluffy hugs. He swung the girls around a bit before setting them back on the ground.
“You’re right about that, Mr Dreemurr. Dad told me that when I was little. To be honest, I would like to invite you, but…”
“It’s a Holidays only thing. I understand. In fact, Rudy would say that exact phrase to me every year! It was like an injoke between us.” Asgore chuckled at the fond memory of his departed friend.
“Are you sure you two will be warm enough? I have plenty of spare coats you can borrow if you want!” Toriel couldn’t help fussing over the two girls she considered daughters. It was already quite cold at this time of year, and the campsite Dess and Noelle were going to was already coated in snow, but despite this the girl only wore relatively thin coats over their favourite Christmas jumpers.
“Don’t worry, Mrs Dreemurr! You know us Holidays are used to the cold.” Noelle reassured Toriel.
“That we are.” Carol finally spoke up. She then turned to face her two daughters directly.
“I know that you two greatly enjoy disobeying what I tell you, but… please, be safe. I do not want to lose you again.” Carol’s face was unusually soft, and she directed her last statement at Dess specifically. Dess herself remained cool as a cucumber on the outside, despite the odd twisting she felt in her heart.
“You know me, mom. And I know you too. I know you think we’ll be in danger out there, and that we need to be looked after, so I’m gonna do everything in my power to prove you wrong.” Dess smirked how she always did when she wanted to irritate her mother, but in this instance it had the opposite effect.
Carol looked reassured.
“It’s a shame you can’t come too, mom. I remember you carrying me through the forest when I was little, slicing plants away with your katana like we were explorers in a jungle, even though there were no leaves!” Noelle commented.
“Believe me, Noelle, I would love nothing more than to accompany you and your sister. However, with all this talk of recent cultist sightings in town and the citizens making a big fuss, I cannot take a break.” Carol remarked bitterly at the poor timing.
“Probably just Catti up to her usual demonic rituals.” Kris pointed out.
“Still, my job is to look into it, regardless of whether I want to or not. You should be rather familiar with the feeling, Kris.”
The conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bus’ engine rumbling in the distance. Dess signalled it to stop, and the Holiday Sisters gave their last goodbyes before stepping through the doors and into the warmth of the bus headed directly for their campsite. The girls settled in at the very back, at Dess’ insistence.
“Why did you want us to sit here?” Noelle asked her sister with doe-eyes.
“Because this is the one spot in the bus where people expect you to get up to no good.” Dess grinned as she pulled out a kazoo. She started playing Christmas carols on it, and despite all the looks they got, Noelle couldn’t help but laugh and even join in by softly singing the lyrics to some of the songs.
“We’re almost there! C’mon Dess, hurry up, we’re almost there!” Noelle pranced through the forest like a… well, a deer prancing through the forest.
“I know, Nelly, I know! Ya gotta cut me some slack, I’m carrying the heavier bags!” Indeed, Dess struggled under the weight of multiple large bags packed to bursting.
“I did offer to carry some, y’know!”
“And I can’t let you do that. What kinda sister would I be if I made you take responsibility for once in your life?”
“Fahaha, you sound just like dad!”
“Thanks.”
The two sisters continued their light-hearted banter in high spirits until they reached a small clearing in the forest. Usually, it would be nice and empty so that Dess and Noelle (along with any other Holiday) could pitch their tents and prepare for a lovely spot of camping.
Which is why it was so odd that a small log cabin was now taking up the precious space.
“The heck is this?!” Dess cried out in disbelief, and even Noelle couldn’t help feeling disappointed.
A figure spotted the two girls through the window and rushed to the door. After far too many clicks, the door swung open and a hooded person stood on the porch, face completely obscured.
“What are you two doing here? This is private territory.”
“Yeah! Private HOLIDAY territory! Wanna explain why you built some ugly shack over our camping spot?!” Dess began squaring up to the hooded person, but Noelle grabbing her hand made the taller deer stop.
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Noelle’s pleasing look was all Dess needed to understand that her baby sister would rather not have this confrontation turn physical, especially since they barely even arrived.
“Alright. We’ll set up camp somewhere else, but don’t think I’m finished with you, weirdo! This is still our turf you’re invading.” Dess huffed as she stomped off in a random direction away from the cabin. Noelle followed on closely, but couldn’t help feeling uneasy. Despite her back being turned to them, she could sense that the hooded person was staring at the sisters, even after they were long gone into the treeline.
Dess continued to huff and puff and grump even while she and Noelle pitched their tents.
“-I mean, really, who do they think they are?! Some dude with a stupid cloak, probably a shitty cosplay or-”
Noelle found that it was getting old. That’s why she had an idea to cheer her sister up. She’d just have to wait for her to finish pitching her own tent…
“-I don’t care if mom killed my license, I am taking Asgore’s truck and I am smashing that-” Dess was suddenly cut off when something cold was thrown against her face. The numb feeling on her nose and the white specks in her fur told her exactly what the projectile was, and there was only one other person present who could possibly be the culprit.
And she had just the most innocent, doe-eyed little face in the world right now.
Smirking, Dess crouched to the ground and gathered snow in her own hand. She wound up for one of her famous baseball pitches, ready to wipe that sweet little golden smile off her sister’s face…
Only for Dess’ snowball to collide in midair with Noelle’s.
“You may have lightning reflexes in the Dark World, but I’m the one with all the ice spells! I am the Queen of Snow while you’re just a lowly Knight!”
“Oh, you are IN for it now, ya little brat!”
And so the Holiday Family Camping Family Holiday began with a snowball day, like it always has ever since its inception.
Noelle may not have had access to her ice magic, but nobody would be blamed for thinking she just conjured her snowballs out of nothing with how fast she threw them. Unfortunately, her accuracy dropped while her rate of fire went up, and accuracy was what Dess excelled at.
Dess managed to hit the side of Noelle’s head with a well aimed curveball, and the little deer quickly scooped up a massive snowball in response. Dess tried running the other way, but the huge projectile hit her on the back and she fell face first into the snow.
“Once more, I remain undefeated!” Noelle boasted as she walked up to her downed sister. She theatrically cracked her knuckles and cricked her neck the way Dess taught her, but the older deer’s lack of any response made Noelle worried for a moment.
Fortunately, it was for naught, since Dess flipped around onto her back and started making a snow angel. Noelle giggled and flopped back next to her sister, and the two kept blissfully playing in the snow, oblivious to anything in their surroundings that could be observing them.
Next on the camping trip itinerary was fishing. Usually this would mean boats and lifevests and floppy hats with fishing lures dangling off them, but this was winter in an especially cold forest. In this instance, fishing meant cutting a couple of holes in the frozen lake and dipping the fishing rods through with warm drinks heated over a fire (naturally not on the ice).
“I’m surprised you enjoy fishing so much.” Noelle spoke over the gentle sounds of the forest, making Dess’ ears twitch briefly.
“Me too. I used to hate it up until I was your age, in fact.” Dess took a sip of her hot choccy before continuing, “But then dad told me to treat it like an eyes open nap. You just… relax, let your mind wander on its own, and the fish’ll bite before you know it.”
Dess sighed pleasantly, her hot breath visibly blowing away in the icy wind.
“What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?”
“Dad never showed you? Oh wait, it ate the camera, fahaha! It was so big it blocked the fishing hole!”
“Fahaha!”
A crack echoed through the forest. Despite being monsters rather than animals, Dess and Noelle still shared similar instincts to their wild counterparts, so the girls’ heads snapped up with their ears twitching in all directions. Their heads swiveled at the same rate as their ears, all their attention focused on identifying the source of the noise.
Another crack, and a lone squirrel descended from a tree. A crow chased after it, trying to steal whatever bit of food the little rodent had in its mouth.
“False alarm.” Noelle calmed down quickly, but Dess kept her guard up a bit longer. She was sure whatever made that noise was too big and close to the ground to be a squirrel and a crow fighting, but she couldn’t be certain.
Her sister's voice finally snapped the young woman out of her vigilance.
“Dess, look! I caught one!” Noelle’s fishing rod was being tugged down by a fish, and the little deer was struggling against her catch. Dess decided to set her own rod down and help Noelle.
“Don’t pull too hard, Nelly, or you’ll snap the line! Let it swim away a bit and then fight some more, that way you’ll tire it out!” Dess emulated her father almost perfectly, giving his same advice and hovering just behind Noelle to catch her in case she fell or slid. Thankfully, neither happened, and after a tough skirmish the fish was finally pulled out of the water.
It was a sizable beast, with blue scales, red fins and wicked yellow teeth.
Dess and Noelle wanted to take a photo of the fish, but it was thrashing way too hard for either girl to safely grab. Eventually, the fish swung on the line hard enough to smack both sisters on the face, hard. The line finally snapped, and the fish plopped on the ice, where it continued to violently thrash until it finally made its way back into the fishing hole it was pulled out of, leaving Noelle and Dess stunned.
“Do you think that fish is related to Officer Undyne?”
Dess actually fell over from how hard she laughed. Noelle’s quips were a new development that caught Dess completely off guard after she returned to herself, but it was one of few changes that she gladly welcomed.
The sun was beginning to set quite early, not the least bit surprising with winter right around the corner. With the darkness (the regular kind, not the potentially world-ending kind) rapidly approaching, the girls were now huddled together near their campfire, gently roasting marshmallows over it for s’mores.
“Something’s missing.” Dess remarked out of the blue.”
“What is it?” Noelle asked despite having a pretty good idea of what her sister was about to say.
“Scary stories!”
Bingo.
“Alright then. If you want. But I’m not a little girl anymore! You can’t scare me like you used to!” Noelle puffed out her chest confidently as she removed her marshmallow from the fire.
“Suuuurrrreee, sure…” Dess smirked cockily.
“Gimmie your best shot!”
“Ok then, you asked for it!”
Dess cleared her throat and got comfortable on her seat. She pulled a torch out of the supplies bag and flicked it on, casting the light at low angle to seem more scary.
Naturally, Dess didn’t look any scarier, but it wouldn’t be a scary campfire story without this little detail, now would it?
“Years ago, on a night like this one, a lone, human young man found himself out in the woods. He didn’t like going outside, especially in the dark and cold winter night, but with the heating broken he was forced to go out back and figure out the problem. Except, when he made his way to the back of his house, a pillar of light shone down on him from the cloudy night sky. Against his will, the man was pulled up by unseen hands grasping at every last inch of his body, leaving him constricted and suffocated. Nobody, not even the man is sure what happened that night, just that he woke up the next morning next to another man. He looked a lot like a human, but his grey skin and long horns made it clear the other man wasn’t of this world. Even stranger was his baby bump. When the human asked the alien who he was and why he was pregnant, the alien only said one thing: ‘I’m having a baby, and the baby is you!’”
Noelle just gave her sister a deadpan expression. The awkward silence permeated through the now dark forest to the point that it felt like it drowned out the crackling of the campfire.
Dess coughed, and the spell was thankfully lifted.
“Really? Alien mpreg? That’s the best you can come up with?”
“Look, I… actually, I got nothing. I lost the plot myself halfway through.” Dess sighed, clearly embarrassed.
“I guess it’s my turn now.” Noelle smiled as she finished her s’more. Dess’ marshmallow was burnt, but she was going to eat it anyway while Noelle told her story.
“Long ago, in another world, in another time… monsters were sealed underground by humans, following a long and hard-fought war. The two races lived separately, in peace, until… a human child fell into the mountain the monsters were sealed under. At least, it looked like a human… The child was taken in by a kind monster. She fed them, clothed them, told them stories and treated them as her own. But this wasn’t what the child wanted, what they craved. They craved dust… And so, they sought out monsters to kill. Strike after strike, the child ground every monster they could find into dust, and when they ran out they even struck down the kind, lonely mother who just wanted a kid to look after again. The child wasn’t satisfied, however. The monster mom was guarding a door to the rest of the underground kingdom, and with nobody to stop them, their slaughter consumed everyone. No matter how much the monsters believed in the child, that they could change and be better, the dust piled up. No matter how many brave heroes tried to stop them, even willing to defy death itself to defend their world, the dust piled up. When even the most nihilistic of monsters who gave up on their hopes and dreams stood up to the child in a last-ditch effort to protect what little of their world was left, the dust still piled up. And even then that didn’t satisfy the void in the… thing’s SOUL. It craved more. So it destroyed its own world, and moved on to the next… One with more monsters to slaughter… More dust to pile up. A world just. Like. Ours.”
Noelle cleverly snapped her marshmallow stick, which she set down during her story, under her hoof. The sudden noise made Dess jump and scream, not unlike Noelle herself did whenever she saw mice.
“Fahahahaha! I finally got you! Yes!” Noelle leapt to her feet and did a silly little victory dance while Dess picked herself up off the ground, trying to calm down her heart.
“Holy shit, Nelly… did Kris tell you that story?”
“No, but they did kind of indirectly inspire it. Don’t tell them, but they do sometimes give off mild serial killer vibes, y’know?”
“Oh, I know alright. And knowing Kris, they’d consider that a compliment.”
The two sisters continued to laugh at the campfire together. They ate their last campfire snacks for the night and put the fire out, instead relying on small portable heaters for warmth inside their tents.
It was the perfect time for them to act.
“Hey! You two! Wake up! WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!!”
The screeching voice jolted Noelle and Dess awake. They were not in their comfy tents snuggling up in their warm sleeping bags next to their little heaters, but rather were tied up together back-to-back in a small, poorly-lit room. Tied up next to them was a pink-haired anime looking girl who Dess recognised.
And the deer thanked the Dark that the girl certainly wouldn’t recognise her.
“FINALLY! I’ve been bored to tears in here and if I weren’t technically already dead, I’d hold my breath and croak it just for something to do!”
“What’s going on?! Where are we?!” Noelle began hyperventilating, and Dess struggled in vain against the rope pinning her arms to her body. Her sister needed comforting, dammit!
“Some coocoo cult kidnapped us. They talked about the Roaring Knight a lot, or something, I dunno. I ain’t ever been to church, and I don’t intend to start now, that’s for sure. Name’s Mad Mew Mew, by the way, but everyone calls me Maddy.”
Despite Maddy’s nonchalant attitude not really fitting the situation, it seemingly helped Noelle to calm down a little. Dess felt grateful for that.
“M-my name’s Noelle. Nice to meet you Maddy.” Noelle introduced herself shakily.
“And I’m Dess, her sister. Pleasure.” Dess sounded much calmer than she actually was for her sister’s sake. She groaned quietly at the tight ropes digging into her arms and stomach.
“You’d think for a cult worshipping me, they’d at least use more comfortable ropes…” Dess mumbled a bit louder than she intended, if Maddy’s confused headtilt was indicative of anything.
Just then, the door to the glorified storage closet opened and a group of cloaked figures loomed through the entryway. Suddenly, Dess and Noelle knew exactly where they were.
“Rejoice, o Siblings of the Dark! We have finally found suitable sacrifices to our Holy Knight! Its previously interrupted ritual shall finally come to pass, and the world will be shrouded in blessed, blessed darkness!”
Noelle was petrified, but Dess just raised a brow.
“Sacrifices?”
“Yes, child-”
“I’m 20 years old.”
“Yes, madam. Once we plunge the Black Knife into you and your sister’s flesh, pure darkness shall billow from your bodies and allow us to finally meet our blessed Knight!”
Dess scoffed.
“That is SO not how you make a Dark Fountain. Any object will do, as long as it’s sharp or pointy. And you’re supposed to strike the ground, not a person! Do you think you gotta sacrifice people just because you’re a cult? Plus, we’re monsters! We’d turn to dust practically the moment you kill us, your plan is just stupid!”
A few coughs came from the cultists. Maddy wished she could clap right now and Noelle was pulled out of her terrified state thanks to Dess’ sheer stubborn defiance.
“Enough, doe! Your honeyed words shan’t deceive us, we will carry out our dark ritual and fulfil the true prophecy!” The leader snapped their fingers and a pair of cultists picked up Dess and Noelle. While they were leaving, Maddy called out.
“Hey! Hey!! HEY!!! What about me?!”
“Hm? Oh, you’re not a sacrifice. We’re all just very big fans of your livestreams and we really want you to sign all our sacrificial tools.” The cult leader’s voice gained a layer of giddiness as he regarded his other idol.
“Ooooohhhhh fuck… you’re fans…” Maddy went from angry to disgusted. Her disgust was so strong, in fact, that she actually felt herself fusing a bit more with her body.
With no more distractions, Dess and Noelle were forced onto the middle of a circle with the Delta Rune at its centre. Rather than lighting candles, the cultists extinguished them. They then proceeded to chant in some arcane (or more likely made up) language. While this was happening, Dess just about craned her head over to Noelle, who did the same. The sisters shared a moment of eye contact, then nodded, agreeing to something known only to them.
The chanting stopped and all was still for a moment. The sisters picked this moment to spring into action.
From their sitting position, Noelle kicked off the ground to give Dess the boost she needed to spring to her feet. The older holiday sister then leaned forwards and aimed her antlers directly at the cult leader and charged, bringing them to the ground. They dropped the black-tinted blade that they had concealed within the long sleeves of their cloak.
Dess’ antlers actually managed to draw blood from the cult leader, but they wouldn’t be staying down for long. The other cultists pounced upon the sisters, but Dess couldn’t do anything as she was stuck face-down on the floor. Luckily she didn’t have to, since Noelle was able to kick away most of the cultists who got too close. Most of them were probably human, or at least monsters lacking any sort of protective shell or armour since the deer’s hooves seem to inflict quite a bit of pain.
Desperate to do anything, Dess looked around the room and spotted the Black Knife. It landed very close to the sisters, close enough that Dess could try to reach it. Unfortunately, the cult leader noticed this too and began scrambling towards the discarded blade.
Dess’ fingertips just barely brushed the flat part of the knife, and the cult leader recovered more with every shuffle across the floor. Noelle’s legs must be getting tired now, Dess had to hurry up!
The older deer only barely gripped the blade of the knife between two fingers and rolled away before the cult leader could reach for it. The two sisters continued to roll until they hit the wall, and miraculously Dess was able to cut them free on the way. Scrambling to their feet, the sisters got into combat positions, but with only one of them armed and the numbers stacked so thoroughly against them, the two’s prospects were grim.
At least, until Noelle got an idea. An idea so risky and insane it would make Susie proud.
Hopefully she’d get to tell Susie about it.
“Dess, give me the knife!”
“Why?”
“Do you trust me?” The intensity in Noelle’s eyes showed a level of conviction Dess only dreamed of.
“Yes. Always.”
“I have an idea, but I need you to give me the knife and keep them occupied.”
With nothing more to say, Dess handed the Black Knife to Noelle and got in front of her sister defensively. While Dess put years of roughhousing, self-defence classes and being the avatar of darkness to use, Noelle got to her knees and concentrated.
The world faded into background static. Noelle’s sole focus was on wanting to get out of this situation. So protect her sister. To get home safe and sound. She focused on those desires, envisioned them clearly in her mind’s eye. The determination flowed from Noelle’s fingers into the tip of the Black Knife.
Noelle could feel it.
With a flash in her eyes, Noelle lifted her blade and plunged it into the floorboards. A blinding light erupted loudly from the crack, blowing back everything around it. Once it stopped, black smoke poured out instead, quickly consuming everything around it
And plunging
Everything
In darkness.
The smoke cleared, and the world became visible through a lens of darkness. Noelle got up and took a moment to orient herself, almost tripping over her Dark World hood.
She inspected her surroundings. If the original members of the Fun Gang were here, they’d recognise how similar this Dark World looked to the church’s Dark World. Except it was… off.
Not off in the way that Susie’s version of the Dark Sanctuary was off, rather the cultists’ cabin looked like a poor imitation of the church made from memory. Religious symbols were smudged and crooked. Stained glass was foggy and cracked, colours overlapping into a messy swirl of nonsense. Passages of the prophecy were either scrambled or completely wrong.
It gave Noelle goosebumps.
“You… you summoned the dark.” Noelle’s head snapped to the cult leader. They and the other cultists didn’t look hostile at the moment, just looking on in awe at the Dark World formed around their shoddy little log cabin. Still, snowflakes and frost gathered around Noelle’s fingers as she tensed.
A gasp from one cultist drew the attention of the rest. They pointed at a figure floating in the dark. They were barely visible against the pitch black of the Dark Fountain, but their features came into focus once they turned around to face the crowd. The being took a deep breath-
And roared.
The cultists all collectively dropped to their knees, immediately identifying the idol of their worship (the religious one, not the internet one).
“Our Dark Lord! Our sincerest apologies that we could not provide you with the necessary sacrifices! Please, however may you earn your forgiveness?”
The Knight tilted its head curiously. Everyone held their breath for the briefest of moments.
Then the Knight shot forward.
It gripped the cult leader’s neck tightly. Not so tight as to choke them, but tight enough to be threatening. Their neck went numb from the Knight’s icy cold armour against their relatively thin robes.
“You… try to hurt… family… try to hurt… me.” Despite their face being obscured, the cult leader’s fear and realisation could simply be felt by the whole room.
“You… pay…” the Knight grabbed one of the cult leader’s hands and turned it so that the palm faced up. Then, using a small blade made of shadow, the Knight carved something into the cult leader’s palm.
“Go here… explain… what you did… resist, and will beg to be cleaved by red blade.” The Knight unceremoniously dropped the cult leader and looked down at them. The other cultists helped their leader scramble to their feet, and all their awe had been replaced with an icy fear.
“P-please, your Knighthood! We were just trying to-”
Another roar promptly shut the cultists up. Obeying their command for fear of the consequences, the cultists all ran in the opposite direction of the Knight, though probably not towards the exit.
“Wow, that was really well done! Even I got the creeps!”
“Thanks.” Dess’ entire demeanour returned back to normal as she casually floated down next to her sister. She then glanced up at the Dark Fountain Noelle had opened.
“Look, it’s not that your plan was bad. In fact it worked great. But…” Dess pointed to the gushing torrent of darkness before them, but Noelle just waved it off.
“Kris taught us a special trick to close Dark Fountains after we banished the SOUL. Don’t worry.”
A series of thuds gradually approached the Holidays.
“It is cold as shit in this cold ass funky ass room I’m in- IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?!”
It was Maddy, still tied up.
A week later, Dess and Noelle found themselves back on the bus with a plus-one. After the fountain was sealed, Dess revealed that she had given the cultists the address to the Hometown police station, and her order was essentially for the cultists to turn themselves in.
All that was left after that was the cabin. Dess originally wanted to demolish it, with Maddy even offering her a spare chainsaw, but Noelle stopped them. She pointed out that with the right décor, the cabin could become really cosy and even be integrated into the Holiday camping tradition.
This was enough to sway Dess, but Maddy needed a little more convincing. Being offered the cabin for her own personal use the rest of the entire year did the trick (provided she kept it in good shape, of course).
The girls spent the rest of the week fixing up the cabin, and it almost felt like a shame to leave before enjoying the fruits of their hard work, but they all had families to return home to.
“Gotta say, not the worst holiday I’ve ever had. Technically it’s also the first one I’ve ever had, but… eh.” Maddy shrugged from her seat near the window.
“There’s something I still don’t get, Nelly… just how did you close the Dark Fountain?” Dess asked her sister earnestly. Noelle perked up.
“It’s actually very fascinating! Basically, you-”
The bus went over a hole in the road, rattling the inside loudly.
“Oooohhh, ok!” Dess nodded in understanding, before adding, “but how did you figure that out?”
“Well, it was thanks to Kris taking-”
A truck swerved with a deafening screech off the icy road, horn honking like an air raid siren.
“Right, I get it now.” Dess was well and truly satisfied with Noelle’s answer. Maddy, on the other hand, had one more question.
“Why’d you need all the jelly?”
“That’s because-”
Someone several rows ahead began playing extremely loud dubstep music from their phone. They nodded their head with the music, ignorant to everyone else around them. At least, they did so until a rogue arm hit them in the head with the precision and velocity of a guided missile.
“HEY, BUB! MY FRIEND IS TRYING TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME! PLUS IT’S RUDE TO JUST BLAST YOUR SHITTY MUSIC ON A BUS! SO JUST SIDDOWN AND SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!”
The only people to meet Dess and Noelle at the bus stop were Asriel and Carol. The sisters figured that the others must have had prior commitments and thought nothing of it.
“Welcome back, Dessy! How was your camping trip?” Asriel’s sudden affection and schmoopy nickname very quickly flustered Dess.
“Azzy! The trio was fine. We, uh… made a new friend, I guess.” Dess didn’t feel like explaining that she and Noelle defeated a cult together on their first day.
Well, not now anyway.
When Maddy stepped off the bus, her gaze immediately snapped to Asriel. Her face was a mix of recognition and rage.
“Howdy! My name’s-”
“ZIP IT, DASRIEL!”
Maddy instantly grabbed Asriel by the horns and slammed him against the nearest tree. Before anyone could try to respond, she dashed off on all fours.
“Was it something I said?” Asriel groaned as he rubbed his sore back.
“No. If anything, it was something I said…”
Carol approached her daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder. The gesture didn’t feel as accusatory or suffocating as it usually did.
“Noell, tell me the truth. Did you get in trouble?”
The old Noelle would have tried to deny anything happening for fear of her mother’s wrath. She would have tried and failed to stay cool and lie.
But the new Noelle simply explained the first day of the camping trip in great detail, and the aftermath following it. At some point Dess had helped Asriel back to his feet and joined the conversation as well.
“… I see.” Carol’s reaction was impossible to parse.
“Dess proved you wrong again, mom. We can look after ourselves and each other just fine.” Noelle said with confidence that even less than a year ago would have been completely uncharacteristic.
“And for the first time ever… I am glad about that.” Carol’s face showed just a hint of warmth. The same kind of warmth that was always present just below the surface before Dess had gone missing.
“I promise next year to keep my schedule clear so I may accompany you. If you will have me, that is. I am well aware our relationship isn’t the best.”
Despite her mother’s dry understatement of the mess the Holiday family had become, Dess couldn’t help but smile.
“As if we’d give you a choice mom. You’re coming with us next year whether you like it or not. Who knows, maybe some time by the campfire will finally melt that cold ass shell of yours.”
Carol forced herself to suppress and chuckle.
Despite everything, December was still December.
Chapter 14: The Gift of the Present
Notes:
MARRY CRIMBUS! Sorry this took so long to write, I had a bit of a block on what to do until the latest Christmas with Sonic came out (WATCH THAT AND SUPPORT THE CREATOR RIGHT NOW)
This also came out extra long, at over 10,000 words, so I hope that makes up for the wait!
Once more, merry Christmas and happy new year. This will be the last chapter before the new year, where I shall see you along with chapter 5 (hopefully it releases really soon!)
Chapter Text
“MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!”
Noelle’s joyous cheers echoed throughout the entire school. By now everyone was used to reindeer’s enthusiasm on the first of every December, even Susie. That’s why not even she was surprised to see Noelle skip into school in full Santa garb, going as far as to wrap Christmas lights and tinsel around her antlers.
“Merry Christmas, Kris!” Noelle stopped by Kris first. She carried a large sack with her from which she removed a colourfully wrapped box, which she handed to Kris.
“Aw, sweet! Thanks, Nelly!” Kris beamed. When they opened their present, they found a custom made knife, the blade being decorated with snowflakes, stars and other Christmas iconography.
“Yooo, that’s awesome dude!” Susie admired the knife, wanting to handle it herself.
“And this one’s for you, Susie!” Noelle handed her girlfriend the next present. The reptile looked shocked for a second, before eagerly snatching the present and tearing it open like one would their own skin after a hideous parasite crawled under it.
“Whu…?” Inside the present was just a small, rectangular box for a deck of playing cards. Susie did her best to hide her disappointment until she opened the box and actually looked at the cards.
“Hey, wait, is that Lancer?!” Indeed, the Jack of Spades was depicted by a little character who looked almost exactly like Lancer. As she thumbed through the deck, Susie saw that all the cards resembled the playing card Darkners from the Card Kingdom, even the Queens who they’d curiously never met.
“Do you like it? I wasn’t quite sure what to get you, but Dess said that Asriel knew someone who could do custom playing cards, and since you and Lancer as such good friends-” Noelle’s babbling was cut off by Susie’s suffocating embrace.
“I love it, babe. Plus, nobody’s ever given me a Christmas present before, so…”
Noelle gasped loudly.
“You’ve never had a Christmas present before?!”
“Well, not until now-”
“That’s simply unacceptable! Let me finish my rounds, then I’ll shower you with the lifetime of Christmas present you deserve!” And before Susie could protest further, Noelle skipped off once more, handing out presents to anybody and everybody.
“God… I really don’t deserve Noelle.”
“Yeah you do.” Kris patted their girlfriend on the back, the two admiring their other girlfriend as she handed Berdly a Christmas jumper with a large ice crystal on the back.
“Does she really do this every single year?”
“Yup. Not just her, either.” Kris smiled knowingly.
Susie imagined Dess and Carol skipping around all jolly-like like Noelle was doing right now. Predictably, she couldn’t contain her laughter.
“Azzy! Merry Christmas!”
Asriel was ready for Dess to basically tackle him and smother him in kisses the moment he stepped into Flower King. She always got really excited and affectionate during the holiday season, and it warmed Asriel’s heart to see his beloved so jolly and excited.
“Howdy, Dess! I see you’ve been busy!” Asriel commented as he nuzzled with Dess. Indeed, the entire shop had been turned into a Christmas wonderland, with a full blown Christmas tree made of flowers in the centre of the shop and all the other flowers depicting elves, reindeer and the big jolly fat man himself.
“You have no idea, son. She was like a tornado of tinsel and Christmas cheer!” Asgore ascended from his store basement in a full Santa outfit.
“Woah, nice Santa suit, dad!”
“Thanks son, but it wasn’t really my idea. I just woke up dressed like this!”
Asriel eyed Dess. She just grinned knowingly before peppering Asriel with even more kisses. Suddenly, she let go and took a step back.
“Ok, Azzy! Close your eyes~”
Asriel rolled his eyes affectionately before closing them. He knew what was coming, so he held his hands out without even being asked. He only opened his eyes once he felt two small, soft objects on his palms.
“Wow! Did you make these?” Asriel’s eyes widened when he saw his present. It was a pair of small, knitted plushies depicting himself and Dess. They both wore Christmas outfits and happy grins together.
“Yup! Do you like them?”
“I love them! I, uh, just didn’t think this was your thing, y’know?” Asriel scratched an ear sheepishly. Dess just giggled.
“Yeah, I won’t lie. I got some help from Nelly. It was great sister bonding time!” Dess bounced on the spot a little more before her phone chimed.
“Oh! Sorry Azzy, Asgore, I gotta go! I have lots of presents that need delivering. School’s finished, so hopefully Noelle can help me!”
Dess skipped out of the store while Asriel looked on adoringly.
“Man, I love her… it’s so nice seeing her on cloud nine come Christmas.”
“And imagine how happy she’ll be when she receives your present!” Asgore chuckled from his belly as he patted his son on the back. He paused, however, when he noticed the look of fear frozen on Asriel’s face.
“Son…?”
“IFORGOTDESSCHRISTMASPRESENT!” Asriel began hyperventilating, panic filling his mind.
“Asriel? Asriel! Look at me, please!” Asgore gently gripped his son’s face and forced his som to look at him. Asgore began breathing slowly, and Asriel soon followed, calming down a bit.
“I’m sorry, dad, it’s just… I can’t believe I forgot to get Dess a Christmas present! Oh, what am I supposed to get her…” Asriel bit down on his fist as he paced around his dad’s shop.
“Well, you can never go wrong with flowers!” Asgore offered.
“No, dad. I get Dess flowers all the time. From you! This is Christmas, it’s gotta be something special!” Asriel sighed as he kept pacing.
“You could always ask Kris.”
“That’s right! I’ll call them right now!” Asriel reached into his pocket for his phone, but Asgore stopped him.
“No need, they’re right outside.”
Indeed, Kris and Susie were both right outside Flower King, most likely making their way to the park.
“KRIIIIIIIIS!” Asriel screamed as he all but launched himself out the door and tackled his sibling into the snow.
“Sorry I wrapped your toothbrush in dad’s sweaty old laundry.” Kris smirked, not sounding the least bit sorry.
“Never mind that! Noelle gave you presents, right?!” Asriel had a manic glint in his eye, remarkably similar to Kris.
“Yup.” Kris proudly showed off their new festive blade.
“Check it out!” Susie happily showed off her own deck of cards, but Asriel paid her no heed.
“Alright! And what did you get her?!”
The silence that followed filled Asriel with more dread than any bad news could hope to achieve.
“Um…”
“Um?!”
“What’s going on exactly?”
“What’s going on?!” Asriel finally got off his sibling and grabbed Susie by the shoulders. One would be forgiven for thinking Asriel escaped from a mental hospital at that moment.
“What’s going on is that we all forgot to get our Holiday girlfriends Christmas presents! And now we’re DEAD!”
“C’mon, Noelle is way too nice! And Dess is your girlfriend, right? Can’t be that bad.”
“It’s not our girlfriends we need to worry about, Susie.” Kris had gotten up, and now their voice dripped with the same fear and desperation as Asriel.
“It’s Carol.”
“If we disappoint either of her daughters on Christmas, that woman will slice us to ribbons with her katana! She will deck the halls with us! SHE’LL FEED US TO THE REINDEER!”
And with that helpful explanation from Asriel, Susie was now finally panicking an appropriate amount. At least, until she got an idea.
“Hold on! In one of the bigger cities I used to live in, there was this huge Christmas shop that opened every year! The biggest Christmas shop in the country, I think.”
“Great!” Asriel laughed in relief, “what’s it called?”
“… The Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country.”
“Alright! Alright! Yes, we can do this! We’ll got to this store, get lots of presents for Dess and Noelle, and be just fine! No problem!”
“Problem.”
Asriel and Susie snapped their heads towards Kris. They showed their phone to the other two.
“The Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country is 100 miles away from here.”
Asriel fell to his knees. The existential dread was too much to handle for the poor goat. His adult life had only just started, and it would have to end by the blade of his own girlfriend’s mother. Truly, there could be no worse-
“Oh, I’ll happily drive you kids there!”
Asriel shot up and clinged to his dad like a squirrel to a tree.
“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!” Asriel kissed his dad’s cheek gratefully, and the big man took it in stride.
“Are you sure, dad? It is a very long drive…” Kris pointed out.
“Of course, Kris! Besides, I also need to do some Christmas shopping!”
It took a while, but eventually Kris was able to peel their brother off their father. It would’ve been a lot easier had Susie helped, however…
“Susie, you’ve been typing on your phone the whole time. What’s that about?” Kris asked their bigger girlfriend as they both got in the back of Asgore’s truck.
“Figured we might need to distract the Holidays, so I asked Ralsei to keep ‘em busy. No need to thank me.” Suse pointed her snout in the air smugly as Kris looked upon her in pure admiration.
“Susie, you’re a genius! Alright dad, it’s a long way there, so let’s step on it!” Asriel, who had called shotgun, felt pumped.
“No worries, son! I’ll go 100 miles in an hour, so buckle up!”
“Merry Christmas!” Ralsei, who donned a festive red and white to complement his usual green, hugged the newly arrived Dess and Noelle. Despite changing forms, their Dark World outfits looked like more festive versions of themselves.
“Ralsei! Merry Christmas!” Noelle hugged Ralsei tight and even kissed him on the nose, leaving the fluffy prince a blushing mess.
“Gotta say little dude, I’m impressed!” Dess floated her way into Castle Town, which was positively rich with Christmas cheer. It was just as decorated as it was on Halloween.
Holly and tinsel hung from every available surface. A gigantic Christmas tree was visible in the distance, having been placed right in the castle’s courtyard. Lights and shiny baubles shone brighter than any star in the night sky, so bright they risked piercing through the very darkness that gave this world form.
“Well, I only suggested the idea. It was the townsfolk who really broke their backs to put this all together!”
“Ho ho ho!” Lancer, dressed up as a little Father Christmas, bounced off Ralsei’s head with a cartoon splat and landed in front of the goat and deer.
“Merry Evil Christmas, heroes! Here are your presents!” Lancer handed Ralsei, Noelle and Dess a lump of coal each.
“Coal?”
“I thought it was naughty kids who got coal?” Ralsei was worried he misunderstood something.
“Yeah, on normal Christmas! But on Evil Christmas it’s the naughty kids that get presents! Dad told me that!”
“Wait, but I tried to end the world. Surely that puts me at the top of the naughty list, right?” Noelle pointed out, glad that her helmet hid her cheeky smile.
“Oh, gosh! You’re right, spooky flying lady! I’m so sorry, I’ll find you the evilest Christmas present I can find! Ho ho ho!” And with that, Lancer slid away.
“Would anyone like some Christmas pudding from the Colour Café?” Ralsei offered.
“Yes, please!”
“Heck yeah!”
“Ah ha! 58 minutes, a new record!” Asgore announced proudly as he pulled into the car park of the Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country. Susie looked incredibly shaken and pale, she was practically strangling Kris with how tightly she held onto them, but the Dreemurr kids seemed unbothered by their dad’s driving.
“I’m surprised the cops didn’t chase us this time…” Asriel thought out loud as he unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car.
“They did. Dad just outsped them.” Kris replied. Susie still held onto them, but seemingly put up no resistance as Kris dragged the two of them around their environment.
As soon as everyone was out of the car, Susie snapped out of her stupor. Colour returned to her face, and she dropped Kris on the floor.
“That… was…”
Asgore was about to apologise, but got cut off.
“AWESOME!!! PLEASE can I go with you on more drives?! That was the fastest I’ve ever gone in my entire life!!!”
“Hoho, well, I certainly wouldn’t mind the company!”
The idle chatter helped Asriel and Kris calm their nerves as the four stepped inside the store. The interior was appropriately massive, the roof being high up enough for them to hang fake clouds all over it. Fake snow lined the top of the immense shelves, and a ginormous, elaborate Christmas tree in the middle of the store acted almost like a beacon.
“Alright, guys? I have a plan.” Asriel clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention, “I say we split up, search for gifts, and then we all meet up at the big Christmas tree when we get what we need to. Sounds good?”
“That sounds swell! And I’m very proud of you for taking responsibility, son!”
“Question?” Susie raised her hand.
“Yeah?”
“Can me and Kris go together? We’re both getting a present for the same person, after all.”
“Sure, do whatever you think is best. Any other questions?”
There were none.
“Alright! Let’s split up and roll out!”
No words were exchanged between Ralsei and the Holiday sisters. They were all too busy enjoying their Christmas pudding and dark hot chocolate.
“Is everything alright? May I bring you anything else?” Swatch approached the table.
“Mmm, this is so tasty! Thank you so much, Swatch!”
“Our pleasure, Miss Holiday.” Swatch bowed politely to Noelle, and when nobody else spoke up, he moved to a different table.
“The best part is that we can stuff ourselves with this stuff as much as we want and not gain any weight. The Dark World is AWESOME!” Dess remarked happily as she polished off her fourth plate of pudding.
“I’m glad you think so! But please remember to have a proper, healthy meal back in the Light World!”
“Ralsei, you’re really sweet. Don’t worry so much about us, though, we know how to look after ourselves properly!” Noelle giggled.
“God, you sound like Azzy sometimes, y’know? Speaking of, I should go get him, he needs to try this pudding!”
Ralsei panicked as Dess levitated off her chair. He tried desperately to think of an excuse, then got an idea.
“HEY! How about we go to the TV Studio and watch some Christmas specials? Maybe Tenna will even let us make our own!”
“Oh, that sounds really fun!” Noelle was immediately on board with the idea. Dess, meanwhile, had to consider it for a short moment.
“Sure, why not?”
“Because Tenna ain’t here right now.”
The trio turned to look at Battat, the green Pippins who moonlights as Mike, sitting just at the table next to them alongside a Zapper and a ShadowGuy.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Ralsei tried to swallow down his stress.
“He’s at the ghost house. Wants to show his new Lightner all the Christmas specials he can.” And with that, Battat turned back around to chat with his colleagues/friends/lovers/Mikes.
“Guess I’m getting Azzy after all.”
“Ooh, I should get Kris and Susie as well!”
As both Holidays got up from their chairs, Ralsei began panicking. Susie and Kris were counting on him, but he was no good at lying! Concealing the truth? Sure, even though he hated every single second of it. But outright telling lies? It wasn’t in his nature! He needed something, anything that could-
“Ho ho ho!”
Ralsei now understood what a Christmas miracle was.
“Merry Evil Christmas again, heroes! I’ve finally found the most evil, vile, horrendous present to give to you, spooky flying lady! Behild…” Lancer reached into a sack he carried over his shoulder and pulled out-
“IS THAT AN ELECTRIC GUITAR?!”
“Even better! It’s an electric guitar and a shovel fused into one! You can dig an evil hole and then play your evil theme song with all the evil acoustics in your evil hole!”
Dess laughed like a madwoman as she snatched the guitar shovel from the tiny Santa and flew out of the café, presumably to shred.
“C’mon Ralsei, let’s go hear Dess play! She’s really good with any guitar!”
Ralsei thanked whatever deity he could for their divine intervention as his shorter girlfriend dragged him away with her. He then prayed to those same deities that Kris and Susie would have similar luck to him.
Perhaps he should have prayed a bit harder.
“Dammit… What do we get a girl who has everything? Kris, you’ve known Noelle forever, you have any ideas?”
“I’ll know when I see one.” Kris hummed as they and Susie browsed the shelves. They were currently looking at the plushies, figuring Noelle would like one, but neither really got the correct vibe from anything in stock.
“How about we get some plushies that represent us? Y’know, like Dess did with Asriel!” Susie suggested, picking up a purple dinosaur, green goat and white deer from different shelves.
“What do we get to represent me?”
“Uh…” Susie was stumped. “We could stuff a rag and cover it in moss?”
Kris snorted, and Susie put the plushies back.
“Susie.”
“Hold on.”
“Susie.”
“What is it?”
“Susie.”
“I’m tryna stuff these things back!”
“Susie.”
“WHAT?!”
Kris pointed up at the very tippy tip top of a shelf, and Susie was left gobsmacked. At the top sat a large, adorable stuffed dinosaur in an elf costume. The colours of the outfit were identical to Ralsei, down to the magenta scarf around the thing’s neck. Furthermore, its little sweater had a yellow stripe across it, just like Kris’.
It was the perfect gift.
“That’s the perfect gift!” Susie exclaimed redundantly. Or maybe the narration was redundant…
“But how do we reach it?” Kris asked. They would’ve considered climbing up the shelves, but they lacked Jackeinstein’s climbing kit in the Light World.
“I have an idea.”
Susie looked at Kris.
Kris looked at Susie.
Without a word, Susie picked up Kris in one hand and aimed. Kris held their body straight and helped Susie calculate the angle for the best trajectory.
“A little higher… higher… no, lower… stop.”
“Ready?”
Without even waiting for a response, Susie flung Kris with all her might. The skinny human flew through the air directly towards the treasured plushie, and managed to catch it perfectly!
Unfortunately, due to the laws of physics, Kris kept on travelling. Then, when their surprisingly durable skull impacted against the top of the shelf, all of their momentum was transferred to that exact spot of the shelf, causing the entire thing to topple in the same direction that Susie exerted the necessary force to fling Kris like that in the first place.
“SHIT!” Susie rushed to the toppled shelf, trudging past several plushies and other toys as she searched for her partner-turned-projectile.
“KRIS?! You okay?!”
A shuffle alerted Susie. A hand had burst through the wreckage, and gripped in that hand was her and Kris’ prize.
“KRIS!” Susie grabbed the arm attached to the hand attached to the plushie and pulled, extracting Kris from the destruction. She proceeded to hug them tightly.
“KRIS! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that! It was kinda cool though, right?”
“Yeah. It was.” Kris admitted, either oblivious or intentionally ignorant to the throbbing pain where their head impacted with metal.
“Yeah! But, uh, we should get out of here now before an employee finds us…” Susie put Kris down and tried to sneak away (very quickly), but Kris tugged her back.
“Not yet. There’s someone else under the rubble.”
As if on cue, a groan was heard through the rubble. Susie dug through more toys and even had to lift the shelf up a little, but she eventually was able to pull out the other person. They were a large human with a long white beard, rosy cheeks and dressed in all red. It looked exactly like-
“SANTA CLAUS?!” Susie seemed shocked for a second, but calmed down.
“Wait, this is probably just a mall Santa, not the real one… phew! I mean, that’s still bad, but could you imagine if we nearly killed the real Santa? We’d be on the naughty list forever!”
“How do you know it isn’t the real Santa?” Kris smirked.
“Heh, I got a test. Watch.” Susie grabbed a fistful of the man’s white beard and tugged.
“Oof!” The man’s head dipped when Susie pulled. She blinked in confusion and tugged again. Once more, the man yelped in pain as his head was dragged down again.
Susie gave one more firm tug just to be sure. When the beard still remained firmly attached to the man’s face, she went even paler than she was after the car ride.
“Holy shit… it is the real Santa… WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!!”
“Uh-”
“Noelle would kill me if she found out I nearly killed the real Santa! And, oh god, all the kids in the world! They won’t get any presents!”
“Ahem-”
“Hey… you kids…” the man spoke up, and both kids’ heads snapped towards him.
“Who… who are you? Do I know you? And do you know me? Because I… I can’t remember anything…”
A beat.
“AND I GAVE HIM AMNESIA TOO?!”
“Susie, calm down! Breathe!” Kris rubbed a soothing hand on Susie’s back while they stroked her mane with the other. This always helped calm her down.
“Calm down… calm down…” Susie repeated as her breathing slowed down.
“The situation isn’t… Well, it’s bad, but not as bad as you think it is.” Kris mumbled quietly. Susie listened and nodded.
“You’re right… you’re right, Kris! If we help Santa recover his memory in a heartwarming adventure with slapstick antics, we’ll be back on the nice list for sure! And Noelle’s gonna be so proud of us!”
“Wait, that’s not what I meant-” Kris’ eyes widened in alarm, but Susie already hoisted them over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She tried doing the same with the man, but his size made that too difficult, so instead she just hooked her arm around his and dragged him across the floor.
“Don’t worry Santa, we’ll get your memories back! I promise!”
Asgore wandered calmly around the store. He already has gifts lined up for his friends and family, so he wasn’t in as much of a rush. Perhaps he’d find something nice to sweeten Toriel’s gift with, but otherwise he just wanted to enjoy the atmosphere of this large store.
He eventually reached the Christmas tree and found that a little hut, made to look like a gingerbread house, was planted right at its base. Surrounding the hut were several candy canes, signs and store employees dressed up as elves. One of them noticed Asgore and perked up.
“There you are! Finally, the line’s gotten huge and even the parents are getting impatient. Come sit down.”
“Uh- actually…” Asgore tried to protest as he was swiftly plopped onto a large and admittedly quite comfy chair, but any words died in his throat the moment a little girl rushed up to him and climbed on his lap.
“Santa! You’re even hairier in person!” Despite her words, Asgore found the innocent joy on the little girl’s face absolutely heart-melting. Part of him knew he should focus more on looking after his own children, but…
Well, Asriel’s a grown man. He has a degree, a driver’s license and a mobile phone. And so does Kris, so the two can call each other if they need to. And they already have a designated meetup spot in the store, Asgore is already there!
And he just can’t disappoint all of these excited children who want to meet the real Father Christmas. He would never forgive himself!
“Ho ho ho! I just forgot to shave, is all! Mrs Claus won’t be too happy about it, but that doesn’t matter right now. What’s your name?”
“Sally!”
“Howdy, little Sally! what would you like for Christmas?”
Despite his brief bout of leadership, Asriel was still in a tizzy. So much of a tizzy he didn’t really pay attention to where he was going at first. It was only after his stomach growled that the young man stopped and actually looked where he was going.
Asriel found himself in an aisle lined with nothing but collectible figures. And all of them were Phunko Slops.
“Heh. Pizzapants would have an aneurysm if he saw this.” Asriel recalled the time he accompanied Pizzapants on a toy hunt (“THEY’RE NOT TOYS, THEY ARE HIGHLY COVETED ADULT COLLECTIBLES!”) and they found rows upon rows of Phunko Slops. The cat monster went on an impassioned rant about how lifeless and devoid of personality these figures were, and how they ruined the hunt for all collectors around the globe. Asriel didn’t particularly care, but it was quite funny at the time.
“Oh man, they made an Ice-E one!” Asriel chuckled as he plucked the Ice-E Phunko off the shelf. He could only imagine Pizzapants’ reaction to the cursed figure of the already cursed mascot.
His stomach grumbled again.
“Man, wish I’d had something to eat.” Asriel lamented as he placed the figure back. Then he thought about it a bit more and picked it back up, deciding it would be a hilarious gag gift.
Asriel wandered around the aisles for a while, and was shocked by how many of these Phunko Slops they had. He realised that maybe Pizzapants had a bit of a point when he said they were like a viral infection, spreading like a plague. Melodramatic, but right.
As Asriel passed by yet another row of Phunkos, his mind wandered back to that day again. His favourite bit of Pizzapants’ rant was when he said that Phunko Slops should be used instead of coal to punish naughty kids on Christmas. That tickled the goat’s ribs.
The pair had gotten spare ribs to eat that day.
“Man, I hope they have a food court around here…” Asriel grumbled along with his stomach. How long had he been wandering the aisles? He looked around to try and get his bearings, but the figures all looked too similar for him to orient himself. The giant Christmas tree was somehow out of sight, and the lights were seemingly broken in this part of the shop, making the surroundings dark and hard to see.
Asriel’s heart sank when he saw a gap in the wall of Phunkos. That gap was where he picked up the Ice-E, evident by the other Ice-Es behind it.
Now running, Asriel tried to ignore the pangs in his stomach as he desperately searched for a way out.
He passed by the same gap again.
This part of the store was desolate for some reason, so the only sounds to be heard were Asriel’s footsteps and his growling stomach.
Asriel tried to focus on pleasant memories to take his mind off the panic in his head and the pain in his stomach.
Pizzapants. Rant. Naughty children. Food.
Rant. Naughty children. Food.
Naughty children. Food.
Naughty children. Food.
Naughty children. Food…
“And that was my own original, Slay Bells! Thank you all so much, you’ve been a wonderful audience!”
Dess had managed to dig out an impressively massive hole in the field outside of Castle Town, and it was rapidly converted into a concert stage. Lancer was right, the hole really did have great acoustics!
The applause died down and people started returning home, while Noelle, with Lancer on her back, and Ralsei rushed up to the stage. Dess picked them all up with ease and plopped them on stage next to her.
“Wow, that song was really evil! You even used Tier 1 curses!” Lancer cheered as Noelle plopped him down.
“It reminds me of when Kris, Susie and I were all on stage…” Ralsei smiled as he remembered the fond memories of Tenna’s physical challenges.
Before they turned lethal, that is.
“Gosh, you three were in a band?”
“Yup! It was a rock band, I even had a mohawk and everything.” Noelle turned red at the thought of her lovers all dressed up and playing a song just for her. Ralsei’s soft personality contrasting a rough-looking exterior, Kris winking at her from the stage without even breaking eye contact, and Susie’s tongue…
Susie’s tongue…
“Yo! Earth to Noelle, you there?”
Noelle snapped out of her fantasy as Dess waved her hand in front of her face.
“Yo, Lancer? Could you bring us some water? I think Noelle is a little… thirsty~” Dess snickered while Noelle turned even redder. She buried her face in Ralsei’s fluff, hoping it would be thick enough to hide her shame.
“Hokily dokily! I’ll be back in a jiffy!” Lancer slid away, innocently blind to Dess’ filthy teasing.
“Deeeeesssss! Why would you say something like that?!” Noelle glared at her sister, still clinging on to Ralsei.
“Cause that’s what siblings do. Duh. Speaking of…” Dess extracted her phone and started scrolling through something.
“What are you doing now?!”
“Calling up the rest of your ‘cule. Perhaps they can give you a private concert.” Dess teased once more with a wink. This made alarm bells ring in Ralsei’s head.
“ACTUALLY I DON’T THINK THAT’S A GOOD IDEA!” He shouted a bit too loudly.
“Why not?” Dess raised an eyebrow.
Indeed, why not? That was an excellent question, one that Ralsei struggled to find the answer to.
“Uh… uh…”
Ralsei looked around the environment for something, anything that would give him an idea for what to say. All that existed in this part of the Dark World were giant puffs of dust, blowing away in the wind, eventually destined to become part of a Rabbick…
Wait, that’s it!
“They’re dusting! Yeah, I asked Kris and Susie to hang out, but Kris’ mom asked them to help her clean the house, so we probably shouldn’t distract them, hehehe!” Ralsei knew he was rambling and his tone was just slightly too desperate, but at least his heartrate slowed down.
“Bummer.” Dess put her phone away.
“Wait… that doesn’t sound right.” Noelle narrowed her eyes, inadvertently making Ralsei’s heartbeat pick back up again.
“Ms Toriel has this uncanny ability to tidy up a room just by passing it. Remember when we were playing in your room when she came to visit mom, and somehow it was all neat and tidy when he heard her walk by?”
“Now that you mention it…” Dess rubbed her chin in thought, and Ralsei scrambled for some other fib with which to distract the deer sisters. He wanted to just come clean, but Kris and Susie were still counting on him!
He really wished they’d hurry up, he can only do this for so long.
Using logic, Susie had reasoned that the best way to cure Santa’s amnesia was to surround him with Christmas stuff to help him remember. And luckily, they were in a Christmas shop.
The Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country, in fact.
“And this… huff, is Rudolph!” Susie exclaimed, out of breath. She dragged over a statue of Rudolph-the deer, not the Holiday-and placed it next to Santa, who was surrounded with candy canes, fake snow and even an employee dressed like an elf that Kris tied up using liquorish.
“What’s going on?” The poor elf employee asked.
“I’m not sure, but just go with it. One of them bites, and it’s not the big purple one.” Santa whispered back.
“So, you feeling any jollier?” Susie looked at Santa with hope and whimsy in her eyes.
“Not really…”
“Damn it! Is there anything we haven’t tried, Kris?”
“We haven’t tried running from security.”
“Huh?”
“HEY!”
Susie twisted around to follow Kris’ line of sight, and standing at the end of the aisle was a security guard. It was an Astigmatism staring them down with its large eye.
“What do you kids think you’re doing?! Are you the ones that wrecked the plush aisle?!”
“Uh…”
Acting out of reflex, Susie grabbed Kris and Santa and bolted, only slowed down by the jolly fat man himself. The Astigmatism wasted no time chasing after them, ironically blind to the pleas from the still tied up store employee.
“Man, I’m sorry Kris! This was my mess, I shouldn’t have involved you!”
“It’s alright Susie, I’m having the time of my life.” Kris admitted over Susie’s shoulder. The human was pulling rude faces and gestures at the security guard, who somehow wasn’t gaining on them despite the dead weight Susie was dragging.
“Is all of this really necessary? Please, I just want to go home! If I have a home, that is!” Said dead weight cried out in vain.
Susie found a plain blue door and burst through it, hoping it would be some sort of exit. Instead, it was only a custodial closet, leaving the group cornered.
“What now?” Kris asked as Susie set them down.
“I dunno, I dunno… wait a minute! Santa!”
“What?”
“You’re magic! Just like, wiggle your fingers and make a Christmas miracle happen!”
Santa stared at Susie as if she were crazy.
“Young lady, I may not remember anything, but I am quite sure that magic isn’t real.”
“Tch, yeah, and I’m a human. C’mon, just try! Jingle the bells! Deck the halls! Do your magic stuff!”
Susie was now shaking Santa by the shoulders, but his gaze was seemingly locked on something behind Susie. She turned and saw Kris holding the knife Noelle had gifted them at school.
“I-i-is th-that a knife?!” Santa stammered out in fear.
“Nah, it’s my magic wand.” To anyone that would’ve sounded like snark or sarcasm, but Susie immediately understood what Kris was implying. Before she could protest, however, the security guard chasing them burst into the closet, slamming the door hard enough that it swung closed on its own as soon as they stepped in.
“Kid, drop the knife! I don’t know what you’re trying, but it isn’t worth it!” The Astigmatism pointed a taser at Kris, who remained unphased.
Kris didn’t retort. Instead, they swiftly twisted the knife in their hand and stabbed the ground, unleashing a fountain of darkness from the earth. Everyone could only watch as the custodial closet grew dark…
Darker…
Yet darker…
Asgore greedily chugged down a bottle of water. He was having a lovely time entertaining all the children and listening to their requests, but his throat was getting rather parched and he needed a break. Thankfully, the inside of the hut had a table with several water bottles lined up on it specifically for when the employees needed them.
“Whew, quite the crowd, eh?” One of the female employees, a human, remarked as she stepped inside the hut with Asgore. There weren’t any chairs in the hut, so the lady just took a seat on an empty space on the table.
“Oh, yes! But what child wouldn’t want to meet Saint Nick, eh?” Asgore chuckled jovially.
“Mhmm… you know…” the woman slid off the table and sidled up next to Asgore, “I really like a man who’s good with kids.”
“Well, being a father certainly helps! And so does being compared to Father Christmas since college, ho ho ho!”
“A family man, eh? Well… I can certainly work with that~”
“Um… I would hope so. I’m sure plenty of the other employees here have families as well.” Asgore wasn’t sure why, but he vaguely sensed that the woman was beginning to get frustrated. He was further bewildered by her suddenly grabbing on to his arm and running a finger along his chest.
“You know… it’s really cold right now. I could use something… hot~ to keep me warm.”
“Um… I would offer you my coat, but I need it for the Santa outfit. Oh! How about, after we finish up, I make you a nice warm hot water bottle to hold on to?”
Now the woman was visibly annoyed, but before Asgore could ask what was wrong, a little voice could be heard from outside.
“Daddy? When’s Santa coming back?”
“Welp, that’s my que! See you later and remember to wrap up!”
And with that, Asgore exited the little hut, leaving the lady all on her own. She huffed in anger and rubbed her temples, then downed an entire bottle of water in a single chug.
“Sharon warned me he seemed gay… I can’t believe she was actually right!”
“Remind me why I chose to take you with me.”
“Because we were going the same way and I’m Azzy’s best friend.”
The unlikely duo of Chara and Pizzapants found themselves in The Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country under peculiar circumstances.
Chara found themself wanting to buy their first and, for the longest time, only ever friend a Christmas present. An uncharacteristically altruistic action for the human, but one that Asriel had more than earned.
Pizzapants, meanwhile, had received money from his grandma and wanted to spend it immediately instead of waiting for Christmas day. He’d heard of The Biggest Christmas Shop in the Country but had no way to get there on his own, so when he caught wind of Chara driving there, he all but begged the human to take him. They agreed under the condition that Pizzapants would also buy Asriel a present (that he’d pay for out of his own pocket).
Chara turned sharply and yanked Pizzapants by the neck. Any protest died not from the hands squeezing his throat, but from Death’s glare in his eyes.
“Let us get one thing clear. I am Asriel’s best friend, while you are a pathetic little leech that lacks the self-confidence to make something of himself.”
“I see you’ve been talking with my mother.” Pizzapants snarked, tempting death as he so often did. Chara just sniffed and released the cat monster.
The two continued silently on their path until Pizzapants finally spotted his mark. He ran like a man possessed, bowling over many small children along the way and ignoring their angry parents. Chara just followed at the same pace, figuring that if they lost Pizzapants in the store it would be a positive outcome for almost everybody.
Unfortunately, Chara found Pizzapants waiting giddily for them in front of the action figures aisle.
“You came here to buy toys for yourself. I am not surprised.”
“THEY’RE NOT TOYS!!! They are HIGHLY COVETED COLLECTIBLES for TEENAGERS AND ADULTS!!!”
Following his outburst, Pizzapants rushed into the dimly lit aisle. Chara just shrugged and followed along, figuring they may as well take a look. Asriel is a dork, so he would probably like something dorky like this, right?
“No, no, NO! It’s all… PHUNKOS!” Pizzapants lamented as he gazed upon the endless shelves of ugly collectible figures. Chara mostly tuned him out and absentmindedly followed, quietly narrating things to themself as they had a habit of doing. This went on for a while until they bumped into something furry.
“Why did you stop?”
“Because we’ve already been here…”
Pizzapants pointed to a certain gap in the wall of Phunkos. Chara knew he was right because they remembered specifically pointing that hole out in their self-narration.
“Do not panic. It is only a store aisle, it will be easy to find our way out.”
Chara took the lead now, confidently leading the way to freedom.
Except…
Except they weren’t sure where it was. And they became less sure each time they passed that same gap again and again.
“Alright. You may now panic, because we are lost.”
Pizzapants’ scream began gradually. It was like a kettle boiling, and as the pressure grew, the volume and pitch of the scream grew with it, until the underpaid employee was running around the endless aisles with his arms flailing. So overtaken was he by panic that Pizzapants didn’t even notice when he crashed into someone. Someone who wasn’t Chara.
“Oh my god, others!” The person, a monster the same age as Pizzapants and Chara, looked upon the two with a mixture of relief and dread.
“Are you alright? You appear spooked by something.” Chara questioned in their usual stoic tone.
“There’s a monster in these aisles! Me and a few friends were on a toy hunt when we got lost, and we set up camp here. We spent three days living off fake snow and Phunko Slops when… IT arrived!”
“You mean the clown?” Pizzapants asked stupidly.
“No! It’s- It was-” a hideous growl shook the very ground beneath everyone’s feet. What accompanied was a series of heavy footsteps, underlined by the jingling of bells.
“Run! Get out while you still can!” The terrified monster ditched Pizzapants and Chara, leaving them to fend for themselves against whatever was approaching from around the corner.
A lanky, horned figure stalked around the corner. Its white fur was tattered, and its long horns were adorned with jingling bells. Its eyes were all black with tiny white pinpricks for pupils. It almost reminded them of…
“Azzy?” Pizzapants tried approaching his friend, but Chara held their arm out to stop him.
“That… is not Asriel. Not anymore.”
“Whaddya me-”
“Hungry…”
That voice was unmistakably Asriel’s, but it sounded… hollow. Empty.
“Hungry… for children. Naughty children… are the sweetest snack… make black pudding with their blood… bake a cake with flour from their bones… all made sweeter by their naughty acts…”
Pizzapants could only gawk in horror at what had become of his friend.
“I am afraid that Asriel has been taken over by Krampus.”
His head snapped towards the two. His face split into a ravenous grin.
“Naughty children… yummy children!”
“Run. Run quite fast!” Chara’s stoicism broke as they bolted, the sudden action unfreezing Pizzapants from his own fear induced paralysis and giving him the kick he needed to escape.
“No wait, I got it! Kris took Asriel and Susie on a journey to the top of Mt. Ebbott to find a one-of-a-kind Ebbottan moss!”
“Fahahahaha! How did you come up with that?!”
“That’s a real thing, Dess. Native Ebbottans would use it as a special balm to relieve inflammation. You’d know that if you actually paid attention in class!”
“You little nerd!”
Back at the castle, Ralsei was sweating up a storm, not helped by him nearly pouring hot tea down his chin. True, Noelle and Dess were still occupied like he’d intended, but they were occupying themselves by talking about their lovers who they were meant to not think about until they returned, so…
“Wanna what I think? I think they wanted to visit the North Pole in the Christmas season, but they somehow went to the South Pole instead.”
“No way! They wouldn’t make a mistake like that!”
“Really? Not even Susie?”
“She- well….”
“Think we should give him a call, just in case?”
“Who? You mean-”
Ralsei suddenly dropped his teacup, the object shattering on the floor. He had sensed something. A little tingle in the back of his skull, a very familiar one. One he’d hoped never to feel again once the prophecy came to pass.
“Ralsei?! What’s wrong, darling?” Noelle was immediately by Ralsei’s side, softly stroking the space between his horns.
Ralsei wanted to tell the truth. But he also didn’t want to let Susie and Kris down. But then he’d be letting Noelle down. And what if Kris and Susie were in danger?! They could probably handle it themselves, but what if they couldn’t?!
“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Noelle, Dess, I’m so sorry! I’ve been distracting you this whole time because Kris, Susie and Asriel asked me to! They forgot to buy you Christmas presents and they wanted to rush to the store to buy some without you finding out and I had to keep you occupied until they came back but now there’s a Dark Fountain and they might all be in danger!” Ralsei took a deep breath after his outburst. Noelle held him tight and patted his back, while Dess got up from her seat, panicked.
“What was that about a Dark Fountain?!”
“I felt one open up just now… very far away from Hometown. Susie said they’d be going way out of town… I’m so sorry I lied.” Guilt was written all over Ralsei’s face like one of the goat’s own instruction manuals.
“Ralsei, it’s ok! We can talk more about this later, but right now we need to go see if Kris, Susie and Asriel are alright!” Noelle reminded Ralsei, helping him to his feet.
“Do you know where they went?” Dess asked, putting her helmet on.
“Not exactly… but I can sense where the door connecting to that new Dark World is. It’ll be quite the walk though…”
Dess swooped down and picked up Ralsei and Noelle as if they were just grapes. She then levitated high in the air, her body growing cold with mysterious, dark energy.
“Just point the way, I’ll fly us there in a blizzard.”
The black smoke cleared, and a new world revealed itself. A pristine temple of cleanliness, the smell of bleach burning everyone’s nostrils. Pools of crystal clear water reflected the twinkling stars in the eternal darkness the sky had become. Darkners derived from custodial equipment all meditated in silence, awaiting the time their Lightners would call upon their powers of tidiness once more.
“What- what’s going on?! WheraaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” The security guard screamed in fear. Before them stood a hideous beast, a dragon of immense size. Its eyes were beady and lifeless, its body covered in a thick hide of purple and green scales, striped by magenta and yellow. Its scythe-like claws were coloured like candy canes, and upon its back were none other than the Lightners (plus Santa).
“DON’T EAT ME, PLEASE!”
“Don’t worry, it won’t.” Kris mumbled.
“WHAT?!”
“They said it’s not gonna eat you!” Susie repeated.
“Why not?!”
Kris whispered something to Susie, who then hollered to the security guard once more.
“Because this is all just a dream! You just fell asleep on the job and will probably wake up soon!”
“I’m dreaming…? I’m… yeah, I must be dreaming! That would explain a lot about today. No way Stacy would just dump me over text like that after all! No way! Hahaha, woah, I was really worried for a second there! Woohoo!” The security guard cartwheeled away, rambling on more. Kris patted the immense dragon’s head, and it lowered its neck down to the ground, letting its three passengers get off safely.
“What… What is this place?” Santa wondered in awe.
“This, my friend, is the Dark World! A place where magic is real, along with anything else you can imagine!” Susie demonstrated by casting a healing spell in her hands. The glowing green ball of magic left Santa enthralled.
“Hey, maybe your healing spell might recover Santa’s memory.” Kris suggested.
“You sure?”
“No, but what’s the harm in trying?”
“Good point.”
Susie began charging the spell more. As the ball grew bigger, Santa started looking concerned.
“Um, are we sure this is safe?”
“Totally! This is a healing spell, at worst it’ll just heal a couple bruises.”
Susie’s healing ball got bigger and bigger. Nobody was sure if it could heal mental damage like amnesia, but Susie and Kris were about to find out. The ball kept getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and Susie was starting to strain now as the ball got bigger, and bigger, and big-
“SUSIE!”
The sudden cry, combined with the UFO (Unidentified Fluffy Object) that crashed into Susie’s back, caused the young monster to launch her premature ultra healing ball far harder than she intended. It struck Santa square in the face and left him stunned for a moment. Then, he collapsed like a pine tree in December.
“SHIT! I knocked out Santa again!”
“Oh my gosh! Again?!”
Susie and the newly arrived Ralsei knelt on each side of Santa, lamenting the continued mistreatment of an innocent old man.
“Kris? What’s going on?” Noelle approached the scene with palpable confusion on her face. Dess just looked unimpressed, shaking her head with her arms crossed.
“Hey Nelly. We got you a Christmas present, then we tried to save Santa.”
“Kris… that’s not Uncle Santa.”
The sound of bones snapping was cause for alarm to everyone, but it was only Susie’s neck.
“What.”
“That’s not Uncle Santa. Kris has met him, did they tell you that wasn’t really him?”
“Wh-NO??? Why didn’t you say anything Kris??!!”
“I tried to, but you kept interrupting me. Then, I just started having fun with it.” Kris smirked.
“That doesn’t explain this Dark World or that dragon.” Dess reminded everyone.
“Security guard found us, needed an escape. He’s still here, he thinks he’s dreaming. Also, the dragon is Nelly’s present.”
“Huh????????”
Susie got up, walking over to Noelle and gently holding her arms. She had a solemn look in her eyes.
“I’m sorry about this whole mess, babe. Me n’ Kris… we wanted to find the perfect Christmas present to show how much we love you. And we did! In the Light World, that dragon’s a dinosaur plushie dressed like an elf that looks like Kris and Ralsei at the same time, kinda like a fusion of all four of us… and Ralsei, I’m sorry I asked you to lie for us. I shoulda known you’d hate it…”
“It’s ok, Susie!”
“No, it isn’t. I’m sorry, guys…”
“Susie… this whole mess isn’t solely your fault.” Noelle gently stroked Susie’s face, hoping the action would prevent any tears from spilling out of her large girlfriend’s watery eyes.
“Yeah, if anything it’s on whoever had this idea in the first place. Who was it, anyway?” Dess chimed in again.
“Azzy.” Kris replied.
Dess took a deep breath, and sighed even deeper.
“Of course… that man just can’t remember his chill pills… alright! Let’s just close this fountain and get out of here. Know where Asriel is, Kris?”
“Nope, but we have a designated meetup spot in the store. We can go there and if he’s not already there, we can wait for him.”
“Sounds good. Did he wrap anyone else in his latest Christmas misadventure?”
“Ho ho ho! Goodbye children, and remember to be nice all year round! Not just on Christmas!” Asgore waved as the last few children were taken away by their parents. It was getting near closing time, so Santa was no longer accepting visitors.
“Good job man. Don’t think I’d have the patience to do that for hours on end.” One of the employees regarded Asgore as they took off their elf hat.
“Well, I think bringing Christmas cheer to children is its own reward! I just couldn’t live with myself if even one of them was left disappointed.”
The employee just shrugged and left. Asgore was now all alone. He was pretty sure he was forgetting something, but what was it? Something about kids? But he already said goodbye to all of them…
“…and in our first year of dating, Asriel was convinced that if he didn’t get me the perfect present I’d break up with him on the spot!”
Was that Dess? Whatever was she doing here?
“You’d think all the Christmas specials would have taught him that the presents aren’t what really matters, but the people you spend the holidays with.”
Noelle too? Perhaps they were doing more Christmas shopping before the big day itself…
“Wait, so you’re meant to take that stuff seriously? Huh…”
“Speaking of… I should’ve said this earlier, but I’m sorry Susie. I should’ve spoken up as soon as I got the chance instead of enabling you.”
“It’s cool Kris, I’m only a little mad. To be totally honest, I woulda done the same thing in your place!”
Kris and Susie! That’s it, he was accompanying them to this shop to help them find Christmas presents for Noelle and Dess!
Wait, but if those two are here, then…
“Hey, Asgore.” Dess greeted casually. The look in her eyes, however, reminded him of Toriel whenever he did something stupid.
“Lemme guess. Happened again?”
“Yes…”
Susie looked at Kris, confused. The human helpfully explained.
“Every year, dad somehow ends up replacing a mall Santa at a store and completely forgets why he even went there in the first place.”
“Ooohhh! That musta’ been this guy’s job then.” Susie raised Santa’s arm, finally bringing Asgore’s attention to the unconscious human.
“Should I even ask?”
“Later” Kris responded quickly. A groan suddenly came from Santa as he stirred awake again.
“Santa? You alright?” Susie let go of the man, a hint of desperation in her voice.
“Santa? My name is Stan. Ow, my head… What happened? I remember running late for work and then…”
“You probably had an accident or something similar. Don’t worry, I filled in for you! I’m pretty sure you’ll still be getting paid too” Asgore quickly explained as he handed Stan a bottle of water that was left over from the hut.
“Really? Thanks buddy. I take my role as a mall Santa very seriously, I even grow my beard out every year for it!”
Susie felt like smacking herself.
“When’s Azzy getting here?” Dess sighed, her patience running thin.
“I’ve been trying to call him, but he’s just not picking up…” Kris put their phone away, worry beginning to creep into their voice.
Ting, ting, ting
They had been running for too long, they needed to catch their breath.
Ting, ting, ting
But every second they didn’t run…
Ting, ting, ting
He got closer.
“I can’t take it anymore!” Pizzapants whisper-yelled, “we gotta get outta here now!!”
“What do you think I am trying to do? I am not exactly familiar with the layout of this store!” Chara shuffled in place, and felt something against their foot.
It was an old femur.
“And apparently neither are some of the employees…”
“Jingle bells… jingle bells… jingle all the way…”
Ting, ting, ting…
Chara and Pizzapants held their breath.
“Oh what fun, it is to ride, in a one-horse open sleigh…”
TING, TING, TING
Asriel was now looming right above Chara and Pizzapants. Luckily, they were crouched down while Asriel was looking high, but it would take just the tiniest peep for him to notice them.
Chara looked over to Pizzapants. He was vibrating in place, raw emotion spilling over. They shook their head and mouthed no, but it was useless.
“YYAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!” Pizzapants’ scream echoed through the void, and before Asriel could even react the cat monster leapt to his feet and gut-checked the haunted goat to the ground.
“I AM SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO EAT ME! I’M SICK OF PEOPLE! I’M SICK OF WORK! I’M GETTING OUTTA HERE!!!” Pizzapants’ fist collided with the nearest shelf, and he ended up punching a hole through the metal and all the plastic figurines that lined it.
“Did… did I just punch through a metal shelf full of Phunko Slops???”
Pizzapants felt a sudden weight on his back. It was Chara, latched on like a barnacle.
“Do not waste your bout of hysterical strength! Just run!” The human shouted in Pizzapants’ ear. Their gaze was locked onto Asriel, whose stomach growled like the rumbling of a collapsing cave as he got back on his feet, a predatory glint in his eyes.
Pizzapants wasted no more time. He punched his way through more shelves, gradually picking up speed. Eventually, his raw momentum was enough to destroy the endless barriers, and Pizzapants ran with all the desperation of an anxious Italian chef saving his pizzeria from a death laser.
“Keep going! I think we are almost out!” Chara encouraged their mount. The lights were getting brighter, and Christmas music and chatter could be heard in the distance, quickly getting louder. The moment Pizza pants burst through the last shelf of Phunkos was quite possibly the most relief Chara has ever felt in their life. Looking back, Chara also found that Asriel was far, far behind, so far he couldn’t be seen anymore.
“Alright, you can stop now.”
“NO I CAN’T!!!!”
“Yes you can, we lost Krampus.”
“NO!!! I!!!!! CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!”
Realising what Pizzapants meant, Chara got scared all over again. The pair were rapidly approaching the giant Christmas tree at the centre of the store, and fast approaching Chara could see-
“Asriel’s father!”
Pizzapants collided face-first with Asgore’s large belly. Now, due to Asgore’s immovable nature, it wasn’t so much as nudged away. Rather, the circumference of his belly, combined with its cushiony nature enhanced by the thick layer of soft fur covering it, absorbed the impact of Pizzapants slamming his face into it at speeds comparable to a ballistic missile. Now, normal physics would dictate that Pizzapants should go flying off in the opposite direction, because Asgore’s belly would have exerted an equal but opposite force on Pizzapants’ face, but normal physics would also dictate that Pizzapants wouldn’t be able to reach such speeds without his skin evaporating in the first place, so instead he remains glued to Asgore’s belly, Chara now sitting upright on his back.
“Chara?” Kris looked surprised.
“Kris?” Chara retorted as they climbed off Pizzapants. He remained completely stiff.
“What are you doing here?” Kris asked as Susie and Dess moved to help Asgore remove the foreign object stuck to him.
“I am searching for a Christmas present for Asriel. What are you doing here?” Chara responded in kind while Susie and Dess strained to remove Pizzapants.
“Looking for a gift for Noelle. Already found it actually.” A brief silence followed, except for the loud POP from Pizzapants’ flattened face being detached from Asgore’s belly. He actually looked like a pizza now.
“You know, Azzy’s actually here right now. Have you seen him?”
“Actually-”
TING, TING, TING
“Naughty, naughty… you kids really worked up my appetite… now it’s DINNER TIME!”
Asriel lunged for Chara, but Dess stepped in the way. She flicked her demented boyfriend in the nose, and he stopped in place with a yelp.
“Naughty!” Asriel growled, but Dess flicked his nose again.
“Down boy!”
“Arf!” Asriel couldn’t disobey Dess’ firm tone. Not even in his right mind. The deer reached into her pocket and extracted a Snackers bar, which she unwrapped.
“Stay!” Asriel had gotten excited, but stayed still once more at Dess’ command. She held out the bar in front of him, and Asriel slowly and politely approached. He held his mouth open, and only snapped it shut once Dess placed the chocolate bar in his mouth and removed her hand.
“NOM OM NOM, mmm… It’s true what they say, you’re not yourself without a Snackers!” Asriel quipped, now back to his normal self.
“Wait… how did you dispel the spirit of Krampus with a chocolate bar?” Chara interrogated, ignoring how jealous they were currently.
“It’s not Krampus. Azzy just gets like this when he’s really hungry.”
“Yeah… hangry Azzy is the worst Azzy to be around.” Asriel nodded sheepishly. He stopped when Dess roughly seized him by the horns.
“Now, care to tell me what the reason was this year?” Dess’ tone explained everything Asriel needed to know about why she was upset with him.
“…your mom.”
“Seriously?”
“You know what she’d do to me if I disappointed you!”
“And why would I be disappointed?”
“Because you give everyone the perfect present on every day of December every year, and the best I can do is a lame card… I love you Dess, and you deserve all the presents in the world. Certainly more than what I can give you…”
Something in Dess softened. Her harsh glare remained, but she released Asriel’s horns.
“Azzy, really? You should know more than anyone that presents don’t really matter to us. We only give out so many because, well, Christmas is the season of giving! And we holidays are obsessed with Christmas! Eapecially… dad…”
Asriel immediately scooped Dess up in a hug. She didn’t resist.
“I… I know, but I can’t stop the little voice in the back of my head that tells me that… that I’m just taking advantage of your kindness, and that I’m not giving enough in return. Then my stupid brain tries to make up some other reason to be anxious…”
The couple now looked into each others’ eyes. A thousand words were conveyed in a single gaze. Asriel leaned in…
Only for a warm, fuzzy hand to grab his snout.
“No kisses. You’re still in the doghouse. And we’ll be spending a lot of time chatting to that little voice of yours.” Dess stated with no room for argument. Asriel simply nodded, understanding what ‘chatting’ really meant to Dess.
“So… shall we all go home?” Asgore asked once the moment passed. Everyone nodded, except Susie.
“Before we leave, can we pay for this?” She asked, holding up Noelle’s present.
“Why of course! I’ll even pay for it.”
“No you won’t, dad. You’re broke.”
“But Kris…”
The group’s chatter got quieter as they left the scene, leaving a still catatonic Pizzapants behind. A few minutes later, motion finally returned to his muscles.
“Are you alright, sir?” A police officer assisted Pizzapants to his feet.
“Yeah… yeah, I think so.”
“Good.”
The police officer clamped a pair of handcuffs over Pizzapants’ wrists.
“You’re under arrest for destruction of property. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can be used against you in court.”
“Oh god… how could this get any worse?”
“You also owe the store $49,000 in reparations.”
“GOD! DAMN IT!”
Chapter 15: Enemies to Lovers to Enemies(?)
Notes:
I’M BAACCCKKKK! So, new upload policy: a minimum of one chapter per month. Obviously I’ll keep uploading as often as I can, but my absolute slowest pace will be one per month so I don’t lose steam. Happy new tear everyone, and if you like this story please share it and leave feedback!
Chapter Text
Someone must have been pounding Muffet’s head with a hammer. That’s the only thing that could explain the pain permeating the spider’s cranium and entire being. She tried recalling what she could have possibly been doing to lead her to this point, but her brain drew a blank.
This meant that Muffet would have to open her eyes.
Ugh…
Gently cracking her centre eye open, Muffet thanked the heavens that wherever she was had relatively dim lighting. She was on a bed, and there was a bedside lamp, so Muffet deduced she was in a bedroom of some sort.
Muffet suddenly felt her centre-right arm being dragged up, and she herself was yanked into the bed. She collided with another body, one that felt cold and smooth.
They both turned to see each other.
“EEEEK!”
“WHAT THE?! WHAT THE?! WHAT THE?!!”
Mad Mew Mee tried to bolt out of the bed, but unfortunately her left arm was firmly handcuffed to Muffet’s centre-right arm, so all this succeeded in was making both women tumble to the floor.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHAT AM I DOING HERE?! WHERE IS HERE??!!” Maddy’s high volume was like a wrecking ball to Muffet’s hangover.
“First of all, dearie, be quiet! And secondly, I know just as much as you.” Muffet inspected the handcuff linking her to Maddy, trying to figure out a way to get it off.
“Dearie, I don’t want to be stuck to you, and I assume you don’t want to be stuck to me. I assume you have experience dealing with handcuffs?”
“WH-I-YOU- I mean, yeah, I do, but it’s nunyah business!… also I don’t have any lockpicking tools with me. Or pockets.” Only now did Muffet notice that neither of them were properly dressed, only covering the most scandalous parts of their bodies. The poor spider felt very exposed now.
Maddy didn’t care. It’s not like her body was sculpted with any indecent parts to even show off in the first place.
“Wait, I know!” Maddy perked up, then started tugging her left hand.
“What… are you doing?”
“I’m, ngh, gonna pop, uff, my hand off-OW!” After one last strong tug, Maddy’s hand remained firmly fixed into its socket.
“Why did that hurt?? Wait a minute… it hurt…!” Maddy’s face went from enraged to almost awestruck.
“Are you alright?” Muffet was wondering if Maddy was finally going crazy.
“Yeah… yeah, better than alright! If detaching body parts hurts, that means I’m fusing more and more with this body! At this rate, there won’t even be a point differentiating me and the body, we’ll be one and the same!” Maddy giggled with glee, and for once her smile looked… happy. Elated, even. Not the usual manic grins she put on preceding a murder, or the plastic ‘kawaii’ smiles for her streams.
Muffet couldn’t not stare. The sight made the spider feel something… a sensation she only ever thought about in her school days, tucked under the blankets as she doodled away in her notebook, imagining that ideal someone she could spend the rest of her life with.
Or eat. It’s pretty much the same thing in spider culture.
Muffet quickly shook her head free of the thought. She couldn’t be feeling this way for the enemy! Stop fluttering, heart!
“Wait… this puts us back at square one.” Maddy thankfully ended the moment and brought Muffet back to reality.
“Wait! I’m pals with Undyne, she probably has keys to these things! And if she doesn’t, then her muscles oughta do the trick~ mreow…” Maddy had a dreamy look in her glass eyes now, and whatever Muffet felt, it was NOT jealousy!
“Then let’s go to the police station, dearie. And perhaps we can retrace our steps and figure out how we ended up like this in the first place.”
The door suddenly flew open. The temperature dropped. Muffet risked dying right then and there from the cold.
The light flicked on to illuminate the icy glare of mayor Carol Holiday.
“You two had better have an excellent explanation for why you’re undressed and handcuffed in my bedroom.”
“You’re so dramatic, you know that?” Maddy groused as she continued defrosting Muffet with her Mew Mew Kissy Cutie portable rechargeable battery powered hairdryer (now available only for 49.99 shipping and handling not included!)
“O-o-oh th-th-that’s r-r-rich coming fr-from a p-p-plastic doll with n-n-no nerves!” Muffet, still encased in ice from the waist down, shivered like her life depended on it (which it did, what with her being a spider and all).
Eventually, the two women reached the police station and entered, but not before Maddy gave a solid kick to the last bit of ice on Muffet’s legs, freeing her from her frosted tomb. Thankfully, the station was nice and warm, and Muffet wasted no time practically gluing herself to the radiator.
“Heya! Undyne? Where are you?! We need a little help!” Maddy called out, only to receive no response. She tried to wander further in to find her fishy friend, but Muffet had an iron grip on the radiator, even webbing herself to it.
Thankfully, Napstablook chose that moment to materialise.
“………………….hi Maddy……………………….how are you?………..”
“Blooky! Thank god, do you know what happened yesterday? Why am I cuffed to that bug?”
“Arachnid!” Muffet corrected.
“…………..well, last night you two came to the station acting weird………..”
“Undyyyynne! Gal pallll! Wazzuhp???” Maddy slurred as she and Muffet stumbled into the police station. Undyne shot up, already suspecting what was going on.
“You two been drinking? No wonder we’ve been getting reports from all over town… alright, a night in the stony lonesome should help sober you up.” Undyne leapt over her desk and slammed handcuffs on Maddy’s hand, except the cat doll shifted to hug Undyne while Muffet tripped over her own feet, causing the fish to accidentally cuff the two women together.
“Uuuuunnnnddyyyyyynnneeee~ nyou’re so strong~ I wish you’d lift me like you lift Alphy~” Maddy purred into Undyne’s chest as she nuzzled like her life depended on it.
“Heyyy dearie, do you wanna… wanna… spider… brown… thing?” Muffet offered a tray of brownies, the thing liable to fall out of her many hands at a moment’s notice. Undyne was going to refuse, but when she considered that Muffet was the one offering…
“Fine! But don’t think this gets ya outta the dog house!” Undyne plucked one brownie out and chomped it down with a single bite. Then she ate another, and another, and soon the whole tray was gone.
“Damn, those were good! Alright, now you two neeeeeeeeedddddd ttttoooooooo????” Undyne trailed off as her jaw went slack and her pupils became bigger than her eyes.
“Wazzup Undy? Sumthin wrong?” Maddy asked as she finally pried herself off the fish lady.
“Maybe it wuz the special ingredient we got from that guy in the dumpster…” Muffet pondered. Just as she did so, Undyne suddenly burst to life again, cackling lile a maniac.
“NGAAAAAAHHHH!!! Seven! Only seven human souls can break the barrier! I, Undyne, captain of the Royal Guard, will strike down the final seventh human and free all monsterkind from the Underground! FUHUHUHU!”
Undyne began leaping around the office, wielding a coat rack as a spear, and smashed up everything she could find.
“I’m scared, Kitty Kins! Let’s get outta here!” Muffet cried, still barely standing.
“I knows! Lez go to tha pretty house with all ze lights!”
“KITTY KINS?! Why on Earth would you call me THAT?! WHY, WHY, WHY?!”
“I don’t know! Besides, this office looks way too tidy to have been smashed up by Undyne!” Muffet desperately changed the subject.
“……………….I cleaned it up…………………..like with Maddy’s messes………………..”
Maddy felt a pang of guilt.
“Maybe we shouldn’t do game tournaments anymore…”
“Oh……………..ok……………”
“I know what you’re thinking Blooky, and stop it. We’ll still hang out like always, we’ll just do something less…. Competitive!” It was hard to tell, but Napstablook looked a bit happier now.
“This is very sweet dearie, but we’re not much closer to figuring out what happened to us. Other than the fact we apparently got drunk.”
“Your hangover made that obvious. Then again, you’re an itty bitty spider with an itty bitty brain, aren’t ya?”
“Why you…!” Muffet was about to retort physically when something suddenly clicked in her mind.
“Napstablook, you said I mentioned a guy living in a dumpster, right? Perhaps they might have some more information on what happened to us!”
“Hey… hey…! Hey! Good point! C’mon, let’s go!” Maddy was about to rush back out into the cold, but Muffet stopped her.
“Not before I put on something warmer! Besides, we still have another problem!” Muffet emphasised said problem by tugging at the handcuffs again.
“Oh, right. Blooky, do you have the keys?”
“………..oh………………only Undyne has the keys…………….and she’s out right now……………sorry…………”
Maddy just sighed in response.
“It’s ok, Blooky. Not your fault. C’mon, wrap up! I don’t wanna be stuck to you for longer than I have to be!”
“The feeling is mutual!” Muffet huffed as she stomped around the police station, looking for something warm to wear and dragging Maddy along with her.
“Do you know where Undyne could be, Blooky?”
“No………………..sorry…………….”
“NGAAAAHHH!”
“Undyne, please stop!”
“AT LONG LAST, THE SEVENTH HUMAN SOUL! OUR HOPES AND DREAMS WILL FINALLY BE FULFILLED!”
“Christ, what’s wrong, Undyne?! This is Kris! Y’know, MY human!”
“Undyne, please! This is my classroOH MY GOD PUT THE SWORDFISH DOWN-”
“Ugh, do we really have to go to that fast food place? It’s so… greasy. It’s no place for a refined lady like myself!”
“Trust me, toots, I feel the same. But I know only one person garbage enough in this town to live in a dumpster.” Maddy and Muffet, now wrapped up in several thick layers, trudged through the snow towards Ice-E’s Pezza.
Maddy was absolutely sure that Pizzapants was the guy in the dumpster. Everyone in Hometown is simply far too nice and buddy buddy, and if someone were homeless they would let that person into their home.
Maddy’s positive that’s how the creepy human wound up living with the Dreemurrs.
“Huh? Huh?! HUH?!” Maddy came to a sudden stop. Muffet, who had buried her face in her scarf, peered up to see a charred, crumbled mess where Ice-E’s Pezza used to be.
And a lone dumpster behind the mess.
Maddy marched up to the waste receptacle and knocked. Hard. She not-so-accidentally used her left hand, jostling Muffet a bunch.
“Alright, alright, jeez! The place burned down, and I’m still supposed to work?!” A bleary-eyed, messy, total wreck of a Pizzapants emerged from his hovel, only to snap awake when he processed who knocked at his door.
“YOU???!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THE JOB??????”
“Depends. What job did we start?” Maddy crossed her arms, and Muffet did the same minus her middle pair of arms. A flash of confusion flashed Pizzapants’ face, before understanding dawned on his face.
“Ah, so you WERE blackout drunk. I had a hunch.”
“Yeah, no shit, now can you tell us what happened here?”
“I coouuulllld… for a price~” Pizzapants’ smile was what inspired disturbed art. Muffet grabbed Pizzapants from both the ears and the cheeks, squeezing and pulling painfully.
“Of course, darling~ You tell us what we were doing last night, and I won’t dip you in bleach, chop you up and serve you to the customers in meat pies~ Ahuhuhu~” Muffet giggled girlishly with a predatory grin. Pizza pants gulped thickly and nodded to the best of his currently very limited ability.
“Alright, alright! God, why are women so crazy?! Ok, so what happened…”
“Nummies!”
“Nummies!”
“GIVE US NUMMIES!”
Maddy and Muffet, leaning into each other, burst into Ice-E’s Pezza screaming like a couple of banshees. The customers would have turned and stared had there actually been any. Instead, the Warrior panicked, forcing Blue Ears to calm him down and Pizzapants to tend to the only customers this week.
“Welcome to Ice-E’s Pezza, home of the Ice-E Pezza Pie! How can I help you?”
“GIVE US NUMMIES!” Muffet screamed and giggled, tipsy.
“Uh, oooookkkk… What kind of nummies?”
“BROWNIES! BROWNIES! BROWNIES!” Maddy grabbed Pizzapants by the shirt and shook him violently.
“We don’t serve brownies, ma’am! How many times do I have to say this????”
“Boooooo!”
“Don’t worry, Kitty Kins! They hab a kitchen, I can makes the brownies!” Muffet slurred in the least reassuring way possible.
“YIPPEE!!! Thanks Webby Baby!”
Pizzapants was about to tell the two obviously drunk women to leave, but Muffet crawled rapidly on the ceiling. Maddy instead just socked Pizzapants in the jaw and stomped on Blue Ears’ foot for good measure, scratching up whatever vaguely rough surface she could find.
Next thing anyone knew, the kitchen became a whirlwind as Muffet scuttled around, webbing whatever she needed from a distance and somehow converting a grill into an oven, but she still stumbled over occasionally, usually because she was staring at Maddy a bit too long.
“It’s missing sumthin’…” Muffet looked half asleep as she pondered what was missing from the batter. Maddy, who was gnawing on Pizzapants despite his protests, suddenly perked up when she felt something in his pocket.
“I FOUND LEAVES!”
“NO, NOT MY POT!!!”
“Ahuhuhu, silly incel! These are leaves, not pottery!”
And with that, the ‘secret ingredient’ was added to the batter. Muffet turned on her makeshift oven…
Which promptly burst into flames, forcing everyone to evacuate.
“Aww… no brownies…” Maddy lamented. Muffet slowly raised a tray of perfectly baked, moist brownies up to Maddy, and the cat girl gained stars in her eyes.
“YAAAAYYYY!!! Let’s go share them with Diney!”
And Maddy promptly dragged Muffet away, both women happily oblivious to the raging inferno they left behind, employees panicking while the Warrior attempted to fight the fire with his fists.
He lost.
“What’s with us being weirdly affectionate with each other?!” Maddy shrieked, stamping her foot indignantly in the snow.
“We can work that out later, dearie. Did we mention anything about what we were doing before we came here?” Muffet once more changed the subject, thankful that her scarf hid her face.
“Oh, I wouldn’t know, I was a little busy trying not to ROAST ALIVE!!!!!”
“Please, if anything you would have fried with how greasy you are…” Muffet mumbled under her breath.
“Ugh, let’s just… see if anywhere else is burned down or wrecked. Knowing me, I probably wrecked some joint as well.” Maddy huffed as she began walking back into town, Muffet following close by.
“So you admit to being a violent brute, then?” Muffet smirked.
“Uh, yeah? I don’t try to keep that secret. The webs in your brain making you extra slow?” Maddy retorted, taking the wind right out of Muffet’s sails.
“Hey! Uh, for the record, I wasn’t implying what you think I was implying when I mentioned a price! I just wanted my weed back! I’M NOT A PERVERT OR ANYTHING!!!” Pizzapants fought to preserve his image.
He lost.
Trudging through the snow, Maddy and Muffet simply felt frustrated. They weren’t any closer to figuring out what happened to them last night, and now they have no leads.
“Can we at least find your fish friend so we can get these cuffs off?”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, web-for-brains! But I don’t know where she is and she still won’t pick up her phone!”
Then, as if fate orchestrated this very event, Maddy tripped over a solid lump of snow. Muffet burst out laughing, and Maddy was about to kick the everloving shit out of the snow pile until she noticed a shimmer of blue glisten through the fluffy white blanket.
“Undyne?!”
“Oh, there she is!” Alphys, Toriel, Susie and Kris all rushed over and brushed the snow off Undyne. Toriel then helped Maddy back on her feet.
“Hello again, Maddy! Muffet!” The goat lady greeted them pleasantly. The handcuffed women blinked at each other for a moment, then back at Toriel.
“Excuse me, dearie, how do you know our names? I don’t recall ever meeting you before.” Muffet vaguely recognised Toriel’s appearance from the one and only time she came over to try her pastries, but that’s it. They chatted briefly, exchanging baling tips, but otherwise she just wasn’t noteworthy to the spider baker.
“Oh, my! Did we really drink so much last night?” Toriel chuckled in good humour, making the other two women drown in new questions.
“NGAH!” Everyone jumped when Undyne burst to life. Alphys was leaning over her fishy girlfriend, ready for mouth to mouth respiration. The two girlfriends looked at each other, before Undyne grabbed Alphys’ head and smashed their lips together.
“Yo, Undyne! Hello?” Susie lightly nudged her mother figure with her foot. The fish and the lizard separated with a wet pop.
“What is it, punk? I’m a little busy.” Undyne rolled her eyes as she held a swooning Alphys, unfocused eyes and a goofy grin on her face.
“Aren’t you gonna explain why you tried to kill me?” Kris crossed their arms, glaring.
“I did what? Actually… Why am I here? I can’t remember anything from last night…”
“HOLD IT! HOLD IT!! HOLD IT!!! Can we clear up our amnesia episode first? I’ve been handcuffed to this bug-”
“Arachnid.”
“-all day and I just wanna get these cuffs off and maybe some DAMN ANSWERS WHILE I’M AT IT!!!” Mad Mew Mew lived up to her name, her blazing temper melting the snow around her and running the risk of melting her plastic casing as well.
“Ah! Allow me to clear things up, then.” Toriel cleared her throat while Undyne picked herself up, digging through her pockets for some keys.
“Nyawww, is widdle miss Muffet jealous that people prefer an adorable kawaii kitty over a gross, ugly spider?”
“Oh, nothing like that darling~ it just pains me to see a lady lower herself to such uncouth means to attract customers, ahuhuhu!”
“YOU LITTLE-”
Toriel witnessed the ensuing brawl and felt the need to resolve the conflict. Apparently this was common for the two competing women, and though competition is good for business, Toriel found violence of any kind unnecessary and unhelpful.
“Ladies, ladies! Please, let us not fight! Violence is not the correct way to solve problems.” Toriel intervened, holding Maddy by the scruff of her dress.
“I beg to differ.” The demnted cat girl mumbled with her arms crossed.
“Why do you two not try getting to know each other? Perhaps you can be friends instead of fighting out in the open!”
“Hmm… I suppose that’s not a horrible idea. Come, let’s go to my bakery!” Muffet turned on her heel and began walking to the Spider’s Parlour.
“NO! NO!! NO!!! I AIN’T STEPPING FOOT IN THAT DEATHTRAP AGAIN! ‘Sides, who bonds over pastries? Obviously booze is what gets people all chummy, and the Kawaii Cat Casino has plenty of booze!” Maddy would have started skipping towards her casino had Toriel not still been holding her.
“Tch, of course a boar like you would have to get drunk to make friends.”
“YEAH?! WELL MAYBE BEIN’ DRUNK IS THE ONLY WAY SOMEONE CAN PUT UP WITH YOUR EXCUSE OF A PERSONALITY!”
“ENOUGH!” Toriel bellowed in her teacher's voice. Maddy curled up on herself, suddenly realising the vulnerability of her position, while Muffet felt like a little girl being told off by the teacher for bad behaviour once more.
Then, like nothing happened, Toriel cleared her throat and went back to looking happy as Larry.
“Kris and Asriel are spending the night at their father’s. I will be having the house all to myself tonight. Why not spend a nice night together at my house? I have plenty of snail pie and wine, so we can bond over sweets AND booze.”
Though it was worded like a request, Maddy and Muffet both got the distinct feeling that they weren’t allowed to say no.
“-and after that, we spent such a fun night together! Muffet really enjoyed my snail pie, and Maddy went absolutely crazy with the wine! Then I brought out… the hard stuff. You two challenged each other to shots, and next thing anyone knew you were tipsier than a spinning top in an earthquake, hahaha!”
“Hmph, this is why I don’t drink.” Muffet huffed, rubbing her now freed wrist.
“Cause you’re a lightweight who can’t handle a single drop of booze?” Maddy taunted.
“Grrr! Obviously I won the shots contest, right Toriel?”
“Well… I was not keeping track, to be honest! I was slightly tipsy myself, and rather distracted by the looks you two were exchanging. Honestly, it reminded me of the sorts of looks I would share with the boys and even some of the girls from my old class. Hmhmhm, yes, apparently I was quite a, what is the word Kris? Catch? Yes, quite the catch back then!”
Toriel continued babbling on, much to Kris’ chagrin and everyone else’s amusement, but Maddy and Muffet suddenly became deaf to it all. They just stared at each other, processing what they had been told. Was Toriel saying that they gave each other…
Bedroom eyes?
No! No way, never in a million years! Except…
Except they’d apparently called each other incredibly stupid pet names all night. They were practically attached at the hip.
They woke up in the mayor’s bed, in their underwear!
“Oh my, I completely went on a tangent there! I do apologise. After that, I believe you two left the house, but I had already gone to sleep by then. I assumed you had gone back home, but those handcuffs… you did not get in trouble, did you? Whatever happened, I will bail you out, since I feel responsible. It was my suggestion to drink, after all.”
Cat doll and spider ignored goat. Maddy and Muffet looked catatonic, the world barely a blur in their senses. Then, they both stiffly turned to face Toriel and spoke in perfect sync.
“Do not worry, Miss Dreemurr, we are both in good health and in no trouble with the law. We will head home now, and take a day off work. Please do not attempt to contact us, we would like to stay alone.”
And with that, the two bitter rivals (turned lovers?) marched robotically back to their homes, leaving their audience stunned.
“Think we should check on ‘em?” Undyne finally asked.
“Nope!” Alphys squeaked.
“We should respect their wishes. They asked to be left alone, so we will leave them alone.” Toriel asserted.
“Hey Kris, do you think they’re-”
“Absolutely.”
“I can’t be… you-know-what with her! I mean, her?! Mad Mew Mew?! I mean, her name is literally MAD! How could I- I mean, yes she is rather attractive, but in an artificial, sculpted way! Literally! She’s a doll! Oh, don’t look at me like that or you’re going in Mr Muffintop’s breakfast!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”
“Mads, darling, could you keep it down please? I can’t hear Tenna.”
“Oh, sorry! I’ll just scream into the pillow.”
“Thank you, darling!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”