Chapter Text
Driving away and leaving Gabriel facing off against his brother – alone – was one of the hardest things that Sam had ever done. There was a huge part of him that was screaming inside, demanding to go back there, to do anything possible to help the archangel who was giving up everything to let them get away. The only thing that kept Sam in the car and not racing back there was the fact that Gabriel had done this so that they could escape. If Sam went back, he'd be negating everything that Gabriel was trying to do here. He'd be handing himself over to the one being in all of Creation that they were fighting to keep Sam away from. There was no way Sam could diminish Gabriel's efforts. He couldn't make his sacrifice meaningless.
So Sam held in the ache that he felt inside and he rode quietly in the Impala as Dean took them further and further away.
Not even Kali vanishing out of the backseat was enough to stir Sam out of his silence. He kept quiet and still and stared blankly out at the passing scenery while Dean drove them further and further away. Nothing of what he felt was showing on the outside. That was a skill that he'd really learned to perfect ever since he'd started this whole mess. Nothing good came from letting anyone see what he was actually feeling.
What he couldn’t quite explain was why he was feeling as badly as he was. The Trickster – Gabriel, his name was Gabriel – had been a star in quite a few of Sam's nightmares a while ago. He'd played with them, taunted them, trapped them in TV Land and tried to force them to say Yes. He'd killed Dean over and over to try and teach Sam a lesson that, really, the younger Winchester had already known – it just hadn't mattered. There'd been no way that Sam could let go of Dean. It just wasn't in Sam to let his brother die for him.
Looking back, Sam could see what he'd been aiming for, how he'd been trying to stop all of this even back then. He'd been trying to help. When that hadn't worked, he'd tried to force the only other solution he could see, which was to have them say Yes and get it all over with.
But in the end he'd come through for them in a way they hadn't expected. And Sam held no illusions that the archangel would survive this.
The idea of that had his heart aching and the guilt he already carried around growing even stronger. Sure, sometimes he'd hated Gabriel, but sometimes... sometimes he'd thought that he might actually like him, if he'd just been given the chance. If they had been given the chance. Sam had been willing to put all of their past troubles aside if it meant having Gabriel work with them. He'd wanted so badly to convince the once trickster to be on their side. Now it was too late.
Closing his eyes, Sam leaned his head to the side just enough that his temple rested against the cold glass. It perfectly matched the chill that had sunk through every inch of him. If not even another archangel could survive this, what hope did they have?
Watching the DVD that Gabriel had given to Dean was hard. To see that smirking face, minus the usual laughter that sat in his eyes, had been like a fist to Sam's gut.
Gabriel had made this before coming to them. He'd made this up with all the information they needed to try and stop the apocalypse. To Dean, it was sort of a godsend – though he wouldn't use those exact words, especially not now. For Sam, it was hope, and it was heartache. It made him hurt to realize that Gabriel had gone in there knowing that he was going to die. He'd known that he was giving up his life just to let them get away.
The heavy feel of Dean’s hand settling on his shoulder drew Sam out of the thoughts he hadn’t even realized he’d gotten lost in. There was a brief moment in which the brothers locked gazes and countless words passed between them without either one ever having to speak. It was how they’d communicated so many times in their life; it was also something they hadn’t done in so long. Sam couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this silent offer of comfort from his big brother. For so long now Dean had been angry with him, with the world, with pretty much everything, and any chance of them connecting always fell through. Not that Sam could really blame him.
The peace only lasted a moment. Then Dean gave a final squeeze and dropped his hand down, and they were back to business as usual.
“We’ve got a plan. I say we head to a motel for the night, get some sleep, and then head over to Bobby's and see what we can find.”
It was the logical thing to do. Sam nodded his head. He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice. “Yeah.” The single word came out a bit more hoarse than normal, but in true Winchester fashion, Dean didn't comment on it.
The two quietly made their way back to the front of the Impala and they slid back into their seats. There was a bit of daylight left and still hours and hours yet between them and Bobby. Sam settled in to his seat, ignoring the sounds of Metallica as his brother turned the music on, and he let his thoughts drift while they headed away.
Despite his best efforts to think only about the rings and about their newfound plan, little thoughts about Gabriel kept slipping in, memories and smiles and things that had passed between them. Sam shook his head and tried to push those thoughts away. The time to grieve for Gabriel could come later. Right now he had something important in front of him and he needed to focus on it. The whole apocalypse mess was Sam's fault and he had to figure out the best way to be able to stop it, with minimal losses. They'd lost too many already. He didn't want to add more names to the list.
Softly, in the back of his mind, that list of those they had lost seemed to run on repeat, never leaving him alone. Each name on there was someone who had died because of him. Someone whose death he was responsible for, whether directly or indirectly. Sam made a point to learn all of their names and to remember them. Even the people he'd never met, the ones taken out by a Horseman or even by the angels. Sam always made sure to learn their names and remember them. None of them would be dead if Sam hadn't started all this. Their deaths were on him and he would honor their memory. He wouldn't let himself forget what he'd caused.
By the time they arrived at the motel, both Winchesters were more than ready for sleep. They gathered up their things out of the trunk of the Impala and made their way first to the office to check in, and then down the long row to the room on the end, a rare luxury for them. They liked to get the room at the end because it was easier to defend and was less likely to have trouble with other people if actual trouble came to find them.
Sam was yawning as he stood behind Dean and waited for his brother to open the door. Screw going in and getting a shower. He was more than ready to just drop into bed as-is and attempt to get some sleep, though he doubted he'd get much. Sleep wasn't easy to come by these days.
What he hadn't expected was for Dean to start cursing the instant he opened the door. His brother dropped his bags and was reaching for a weapon. Sam reacted instinctively, letting his own bags fall and pulling his gun from the inside pocket of his jacket. As soon as he had it in hand, he took a step forward, moving up to stand just slightly to the side of Dean, weapon trained in the room and his eyes searching the threat.
It didn't take him long to find what had caused Dean to react that way. At the same time that Sam's eyes landed on the bed furthest from the door, he heard a familiar low laugh that he hadn't thought he'd ever get the chance to hear again. Sam's eyes widened as he took in the figure that was lounging on his bed with legs stretched out and hands folded behind his head. Mischievous golden eyes were crinkled at the edges with the grin that Gabriel wore. “Hey there, boys. Miss me?”
Sam couldn't help his reaction. Though Dean was still on alert, the younger Winchester lowered his gun. “Gabriel?”
He couldn’t believe it. Sam's eyes ran over him, drinking in every single inch of him. Gabriel was lying there in a pose that was completely casual and relaxed. His legs were stretched out over the bed and crossed at the ankle and he had a mound of pillows behind him to prop him up so that his head could easily rest against the wall just above the top of the short headboard. There was something about him... something that didn't seem quite right. Sam wasn't sure what it was, though. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Gabriel looked almost exactly the same. He was dressed in jeans and a dark green shirt. His usual jacket was nowhere in sight, but that wasn’t that vast of a change. His hair wasn't slicked back, either. It hung loose and sort of messy around his head in a way that made him look just a bit… wild. Untamed. But those were just little things. They didn't explain this strange, not-quite-right feeling that Sam had inside of him.
It didn't seem possible, but Gabriel’s grin grew a little wider. He ignored Dean completely and fixed his eyes right on Sam. “In the flesh. Well, so to speak.” He tipped a wink at Sam, who found himself blushing, though he couldn’t quite explain why.
Dean cut into their conversation with a low growl. “I'm not buying it.” His weight shifted and he took a step into the room, putting himself in a stance that Sam recognized quite easily. It was one that not only said that Dean was ready for trouble, and that he didn't trust the being he had in his sights at all, it was also one that firmly kept Sam behind him in the position that the younger Winchester had once always been at. A position where Dean was free to be able to protect him on matter what.
This time Gabriel's laugh was just a bit huskier, with an edge to it that had Sam shivering. “Aren't you the feisty one?” Gabriel's eyes ran slowly over Dean, down his body and then back up to his face. When they locked eyes again, Gabriel was all mocking smirks and blatant amusement. “Calm down there, big boy. Why don't we at least get everyone inside and the door shut before you get your panties twisted up?”
That brought home the realization that they were still standing mostly in the open doorway and anyone who walked past would be able to see the two holding their guns. That was really the last thing they needed.
Dean wasn't willing to lower his gun to even grab one of the bags, but Sam had no such qualms. Even as he was still trying to figure out what it was that was so different about Gabriel, there was a part of him that seemed to instinctively trust this being in front of him, which really should've been a great big red flag. Sam trusting someone was practically a perfect indicator to just how evil they were. He had a horrible sense of judgement on who was safe to trust and who wasn't.
As he bent to pick up the bags and carry them into the room, he heard a snort coming from his bed. He looked up while kicking the door shut behind him and found that Gabriel was once more looking right at him. “Quit being so hard on yourself, kiddo. You're not the only idiot out there to trust the wrong person. Granted, yours was a bigger fuck-up than most, but…meh.” He shrugged his shoulders. “We’ll deal with it.”
Dean went perfectly still at that and Sam just stared for one long second. Then realization kicked in and his eyes went wide. Gabriel was reading his mind. “Stay out of my head.”
Gabriel actually had the audacity to snort and roll his eyes. “Good luck with that one. If I did that, I’d never know anything. You Winchesters really take repression to a whole new level, did you know that?”
There was something just a hint sharper to Gabriel’s words here that Sam associated more with the being who had tortured him at the Mystery Spot. This wasn’t the open and exposed one that they’d found in that warehouse, or the scared yet determined one they’d seen just recently at Elysian Fields. This was the trickster there in front of him and it left Sam feeling off balance.
Beside him, he felt Dean bristling and he saw as his brother adjusted his gun. “How do we know you’re actually you? Last we knew, you were facing off against Lucifer, and I get the feeling no one just walks away from that.”
“Ten points to Gryffindor.” Gabriel said dryly. Then he smirked. “What can I say, boys?” Pulling one hand out from behind his head, he blew on his nails and pretended to buff them on his shirt. “I’m just that awesome.”
The words pissed Dean off, as they were probably intended to do – these two couldn’t seem to be around one another without getting pissed in some way – but they set off something in Sam that had him tensing even more. That sensation of different that he felt was only getting stronger. There was something wrong with Gabriel. Something not quite right. This… this wasn’t Gabriel. Setting down the bags beside the bed that would be Dean’s, the younger Winchester started to reach once more for his gun, his eyes never leaving Gabriel’s face. “I think there’s more to it than that. You’re not Gabriel.”
Instantly Dean tensed even more, which Sam hadn’t thought possible.
In a completely opposite reaction, Gabriel relaxed. In fact, he was looking at Sam with something that almost seemed to be pride shining from his eyes. “There’s a reason they call you the smart one.” Pulling his hands out from behind his head, a move that made both Winchesters brace for trouble – they knew what those snapping fingers were capable of – Gabriel spread them out on either side of him. “You’re right, Sammy. I’m not Gabriel. Not exactly. Gabriel didn’t stand a chance in hell of surviving against big bro.”
“Then who the hell are you?” Dean demanded.
Something dark flashed through Gabriel’s eyes before they narrowed on Dean. “Mind your tone with me, boy.” Then, as quickly as they’d darkened, his eyes cleared once more and turned towards Sam. The look there was one that Sam had seen plenty of times in his dreams. It was a face Sam would never forget.
And just like that, the answer filled Sam’s mind, suddenly clear to him, just seconds before Gabriel spoke.
“Loki.”