Chapter Text
November
Ilya waited in line during drill practice, wondering if it had really been a good idea to get his nipples pierced during the hockey season.
It was too late to worry about that now because the deed had been done, but man was he sensitive. And kind of uncomfortable. He didn’t love it though he had no real regrets about the decision.
Being back at school was nice.
Ilya liked being able to spend time with the friends he’d made, meeting more people, having his pick of people to hook up with.
There was a guy he’d met and they’d hooked up the second week of school. That had been fun.
Ilya would say he was probably a seventy-thirty split when it came to his sexual interests. He preferred women most of the time but occasionally a man caught his eye.
Though, if he was honest, Shane was usually at the forefront of his mind.
“You okay, dude?” Cliff Marlow asked, standing behind Ilya in line.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Ilya replied, shaking his head, and laughing softly at himself.
Ilya liked Cliff. He was pretty cool, though not necessarily the sharpest pencil in the box. He was a rookie, still learning the ropes.
Cliff started telling Ilya about this woman he was trying to woo and Ilya listened, smiling a little. Sometimes Ilya felt like Cliff was trying to impress him, which was funny.
Ilya was up next in line, receiving a puck, making a shot, and scoring.
“Nice job, Rozanov,” said coach approvingly and Ilya smiled, returning to the back of the line. Cliff joined him a moment later.
They went through the rest of practice, breaking up into two teams for scrimmages, then off to the showers.
Ilya, along with Troy, Cliff, and a few of their other teammates all met up to head to the cafeteria together before classes.
Over breakfast, a bunch of the guys talked about parties they’d heard about, parties the upperclassmen were planning, and (mostly) women they were hooking up with.
“See? She’s hot as fuck!” Cliff said, thrusting his phone into Ilya’s face. There was a very hot woman on the screen and Ilya chuckled.
“Good job,” he said and Cliff beamed.
“She’s hot for hockey players, and she said she has a single friend. You want in?”
“I’m good, thanks. You have fun.”
For the most part, the guys were respectful. A few of them were dating and seemed to genuinely care about their girlfriends. Ilya knew that Troy and Harris were dating, which was sweet. It was a new development, Troy taking the plunge a few weeks into the school year.
Ilya was excited to see Harris around more. He liked him. He was a great guy, especially for Troy. Effervescent and chatty. A good balance to Troy’s more somber, introverted nature.
Some of the guys asked about Ilya’s conquests and he just smiled and shrugged. He wasn’t the kiss and tell type. Everyone knew that he had many notches on his bedpost but he wasn’t going to offer details.
“Are you and Svetlana still, like, together?” Cliff asked.
“We’re not together,” Ilya said. “But we hook up still, yeah.”
“You wouldn’t date her?”
Ilya laughed. “She doesn’t want to date me. And I don’t want to date her.”
Cliff nodded, making a face to suggest that that was probably reasonable.
If Ilya was honest, he did like having reliable people to hook up with. It had been fun to kind of play the field a bit last year and he wouldn’t say no to a one night stand, but there was Svetlana, who was probably his favorite hookup, Hayley, who was a lot of fun, and a few other ladies.
Everyone was aware of where Ilya stood. He was up front and honest and that had worked in his favor so far.
Ilya was helping Hayley with one of her art projects, doing some modeling for her, which was a lot of fun.
Overall, things were good.
Ilya missed Shane, more this year than last year. Ilya wasn’t sure why that was. Maybe because Shane was more available now, since he was single. They talked a lot more frequently and things seemed better with Nicholas out of the picture.
Ilya was looking forward to seeing Shane at their next game. Shane was coming to Ottawa, so that would be nice.
They had enough time to meet up with their parents, too, before Shane had to head back to Montreal. Ilya was glad that the three of them could make it to the game.
After the guys had finished eating they all said their goodbyes and headed their separate ways to their classes.
On the way there, someone slid their arms around his. Ilya looked down to see a dark head of hair and got a whiff of perfume.
“Hayley,” he greeted.
The woman lifted her head, smiling brightly at Ilya, her freckles all bunched up.
“Hey,” she said. “Wanna walk to class?”
Ilya laughed. “Sure.”
They walked to class, arm-in-arm, Hayley chatting away about the project she was working on that Ilya was modeling for. He listened, intrigued.
Hayley’s medium was photography, something Ilya wasn’t super familiar with given that he preferred a pencil and paper, but it was interesting to hear about her methodology.
They made plans to meet up for another shoot before they arrived at their classroom, her arms unwinding from Ilya’s as they went to their seats, and sat for class.
Ilya was enjoying school more.
He wouldn’t necessarily call himself an academic, but he did like to learn. He was excited for the second half of university, when he could start taking more classes concentrated around his major and minor.
He pulled out his notebook, flipping to a new page, and doodled in the margins as he waited for class to start.
He had a lot of doodles; hockey player doodles, flower doodles, animal doodles. Sometimes he would draw faces; Svetlana or Troy or Shane or one of his professors.
He smiled a little to himself as Shane’s face took shape on the page. It was an annoyed Shane, furrowed brows, thin lips. The huffy kind of bratty look he got sometimes. Ilya chuckled to himself.
They’d see each other soon.
***
“Sup, nerd,” Ilya said as he met Shane at the face-off circle.
“Ilya,” Shane replied in greeting.
Ilya flashed Shane a big smile through his cage as he bent down over the circle. Shane rolled his eyes, shaking a head a little, but he was smiling as he joined Ilya.
“It’s good to see you,” he said.
Ilya winked at him. “It’s good to see you, too.”
He won the face-off, Troy grabbing up the puck, and the game was on.
Ilya loved playing against Shane. While Ilya wouldn’t say that hockey was his obsession in the way that it was Shane’s, he loved playing it and he loved the way Shane played. He always kept Ilya on his toes.
Ilya honestly preferred when they played on the same team but he enjoyed a challenge. And Shane was challenging as hell.
The game was hard fought, a volley back and forth, with neither team in the lead for long, before Ilya managed a goal with forty-five seconds to spare in the third.
It was thrilling and exhilarating. Ilya saw Shane glide across the ice, hockey stick across his legs, body bowed. He felt a little bad that the defeat was on Shane but most of him was fucking pumped.
The locker room was rowdy and excited and Ilya was covered in water and Gatorade.
It took a little longer than usual to get showered and make it out of the locker room but he managed and went out into the parking lot to find his mom and the Hollanders waiting.
“You played so well!” his mother said, in Russian, wrapping Ilya up in a hug. “What a beautiful goal!”
Ilya grinned, hugging his mom back, and looked at her, laughing softly as she cupped his face. “I love watching you play. I’m so proud.”
“Thanks, Mama,” he replied, in Russian, and allowed her to kiss his cheeks, before he said hi to the Hollanders.
He got hugs from Yuna and David but Shane was a little pouty, which was fine. Ilya knew how much he hated to lose.
By the time they were sitting for dinner, Shane had come around a bit, and they talked and caught up.
“It was good to see you,” Ilya said as they said goodbye after dinner since Shane had to get back to the team.
They did their handshake and hugged.
“It was good to see you, too,” Shane said. “Congrats on the win.”
Ilya smiled. “You gave us a run for our money.”
Shane smiled back. “Don’t expect it to get any easier.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Get back to school safe.”
“Thanks, you, too. I’ll text you.”
“Sounds good.”
They waved at each other, before turning back to their parents. Mom slid her arm through Ilya’s.
“You going to be okay getting home?” he asked his mom.
“Of course,” she assured. “Don’t worry. I’ll let you know when I’m back. You did so well today.”
“Thanks, Mama.”
Mom dropped Ilya off at his dorm, which she didn’t have to do, and he waved to her before she drove off, promising to text him when she got home.
Ilya let himself into his dorm and headed up to his room, still feeling on cloud nine.
He got back to his room and found that his door handle had a sock on it.
It took him a moment to register what was happening.
Troy had Harris over.
Ilya grinned.
Good for them.
He texted Troy a cheeky message, just because.
He supposed he needed to figure out what to do with himself.
Ilya re-zipped his coat and went back downstairs. He walked across campus to the twenty-four hour snack shop there. He got himself a cup of hot chocolate and some ketchup flavored chips, finding a spot in one of the lounges to sit and chill.
Ilya didn’t mind being alone necessarily, but he definitely preferred the company of others.
He wished that Shane was here.
Ilya didn’t necessarily regret staying home to be closer to his mom, but he did wonder a bit about if he and Shane had been at the same school.
They could have been closer, maybe, but he also worried that maybe they’d drive themselves away from one another.
It was good for them, probably, to have separate lives.
Even so…
Ilya finished his snack and hot chocolate, texted his mom back saying he was glad she made it home, then debated with himself for a moment, before texting Hayley.
She texted back almost right away, saying that she was free, and that she had her room to herself, so Ilya headed over to her dorm.
Hayley let him in, taking his hand and leading him upstairs.
They were kissing as soon as the door was closed, Hayley working on getting Ilya out of his layers.
Ilya slid his hands into her silky hair, cupping her cheeks.
“Congrats on your win,” she said between kisses and Ilya smiled at her.
“Thanks,” he hummed, kissing a freckled cheek. "I appreciate you watching."
Hayley sighed and Ilya unclipped her bra with one hand before taking off his shirt as she tossed her bra to the side and pushed his gray joggers down, getting to her knees.
She slid a hand over Ilya’s torso, brushing a newly pierced nipple, making him hiss. He’d always been sensitive there but even more so now with the added metal.
Ilya sighed, running his hand into her hair, watching her kitten-lick and tease the head of his dick, before sliding her lips down onto him.
“Yeah,” Ilya murmured, letting his head tilt back, enjoying the sensation of having his cock sucked.
But instead of thinking about Hayley’s mouth, Ilya’s mind supplied him with Shane’s. Shane on his knees, with his mouth on Ilya.
Ilya flinched away from the thought, turning his attention back to Hayley. He opened his eyes, looking down at her, stroking her smooth cheek, smiling at her as she lifted her eyes to look at him.
“You can stop,” he told her and she did, slowly pulling off of him in a sexy little move.
Ilya helped her to her feet, kissing her again, and carefully leading her back to her bed. They fell into bed together and Ilya kissed his way down Hayley’s body, pausing at her tits to give them some attention, listening to the way she gasped and whimpered.
He kept going, pulling down her thong, and carefully spreading her legs before going down on her.
Ilya loved eating pussy about as much as he loved sucking cock, which was quite a bit. It was a shame more guys weren’t comfortable with doing this because he loved how wild it drove the women he was with.
But in this moment, he wasn’t feeling it like he normally was. He kept going because he wasn’t going to give anyone subpar service, but he couldn’t even keep it up.
He tried to relax any panic. This had never happened to him before and it was weird and he didn’t love it. He’d had a little to drink at dinner, maybe that was it? He was tired from the game, too, though that had never stopped his dick from being interested before…
He eventually pulled away, kissing the inside of Hayley’s thigh.
“Turn over?” he asked.
She looked at him for a moment, her freckled cheeks flushed, lips kiss swollen and red, eyes half-lidded and hazy with desire.
“Okay,” she said, biting her lip and nodding her head, before going to her hands and knees.
She brushed her long hair over her shoulder as she settled her chest onto the mattress, ass up, and Ilya looked at her. She was gorgeous, but he just…
Ilya chewed on his bottom lip, closed his eyes… and thought about Shane.
He thought about Shane on his hands and knees, he thought about Shane moaning as Ilya fucked him. He thought about Shane’s flushed, freckled cheeks and mussed dark hair and kiss-swollen lips.
He was fucking rock hard in seconds.
Without dwelling, Ilya grabbed the condom and lube, slicking himself. He shifted closer, resting his hands on Hayley’s hips, carefully pushing inside of her.
Being inside of a woman was only slightly different than being inside a man, but closing your eyes, it was hard to tell the difference.
So Ilya closed his eyes and fucked Hayley doggy-style while he thought about his best friend’s moans.
Ilya was so checked out, lost in the fantasy replaying in his own mind, that he nearly lost himself.
“Fuck,” he panted. “Oh god, Sha- SHIT!”
Ilya’s eyes flew open as he came, hard, only barely catching himself from saying Shane’s name as he orgasmed inside someone else.
Ilya stayed there, still, breathing hard, mortification creeping over him as he realized what had just happened.
He pulled out of Hayley carefully, trying to get a hold of himself.
“Did you come?” he asked her and she rolled onto her back, shaking her head.
“No.”
Ilya leaned forward, kissing her, and went back down on her, relieved that it took her almost no time at all to come under his tongue.
When she’d finished, he got up, disposing of the condom, and came back to bed.
He spooned up against Hayley from behind, moving her hair out of the way, and pressed an almost apologetic kiss to her shoulder.
Ilya didn’t stay very long, his panic about the situation only rising.
He gave Hayley a gentle excuse for why he couldn’t stay, changed back into his clothes, and kissed her goodbye.
Ilya walked out into the Ottawa cold, hoping that it might help center him a bit.
In all the time that Ilya had been having sex, he had never, not once, thought about someone else while he had sex with someone completely different.
Never.
Ever.
He was mortified that that had happened.
He felt guilty.
And concerned…
Why was he thinking about Shane while he was having sex with other people?
His and Shane’s arrangement was just hookups. Friends with benefits. That was all. Nothing else.
If Shane wanted anything more with Ilya, then he would have said so.
And Ilya didn’t really do commitment.
Or did he?
He walked almost the entirety of campus before finally turning back to his dorm.
Ilya could feel the truth of the matter hovering at the edge of his consciousness.
He could acknowledge it or ignore it.
He swallowed.
Once that box was open, there was no way to put whatever came out back in, and Ilya didn’t think he could handle that right now.
He was exhausted and embarrassed and a little sad.
He got back to his dorm, finding the sock had been removed.
Ilya let himself in, finding Troy, alone.
“Hey man,” Troy said.
“Hi,” Ilya replied.
“You okay?” Troy asked.
Ilya nodded. “Yeah. Just beat.” He mustered up a smile. “You get laid tonight?”
Troy blushed, looking away. “Maybe.”
Ilya chuckled. “Good for you.”
He took off his jacket and sweatshirt, hanging them up, kicking off his shoes.
“I’m gonna shower and hit the hay.”
Troy nodded. “Sounds good.”
Ilya grabbed a new pair of underwear, turned on the water in their bathroom, waiting for it to warm. He stripped out of his clothes, looking at himself in the mirror as the glass fogged up.
The fuck was he even doing?
Ilya stepped into the shower, standing under the hot spray.
Shane Shane Shane…
Ilya clamped the lid down tighter on that box.
Not now. Not today. Another time.
He shook his head, pressing his hands to his face, making a frustrated noise into them, before running them into his curls.
Ilya showered. He turned off the water, dried off, and got changed. He came back out into the room, finding Troy asleep.
He went to his own bed, plugged in his phone, and flopped onto his mattress. He pulled the covers over himself, curling into the fetal position, and willed himself to sleep. He could deal with whatever huge revelation he needed to have another day.