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Katsuki knew he had stepped out of the line the moment those words left his lips.
“Grumpier than usual, ain’t ‘ya?” one of Katsuki’s extras, Hariba, commented, fingers extending as he reached for something inside his bag.
“With Midoriya pulling that kind of stunt, I’d be livid too.” Kamata points out, “Though, I gotta say, you were a little harsher to him back there.”
Katsuki tsked, stomping on a leaf that crunched underneath his weight, “He got what was coming for him.”
Hariba chuckled, rummaging through his backpack before pulling out a pack of gummies and tossing a couple into his mouth. He glanced toward Katsuki, his expression a mixture of amusement and curiosity, "You've been on edge more than usual.”
Katsuki's frown deepened at the statement. He could feel their gazes on him, their judgment, "And what about it?”
“Weren't you guys childhood friends or something?”
Katsuki's jaw tensed at the question, his hands clenching into fists. The mention of being childhood friends with that loser was a sour blow to his ego, “The hell does that have to do with anything?"
Hariba and Kamata shared a knowing look, their curiosity piqued.
Katsuki grits his teeth, gaze hardening. He hated Deku, as much as he hated his audacity, like come on, guy's quirkless. Talking about getting into UA with nothing to his name… he couldn't fathom how anyone could be so delusional to even dream of becoming a hero without a quirk. It felt like an insult to those who had been born with one—to Katsuki.
Katsuki knew his comments were brutal, but his ego wouldn't allow him to back down or admit any kind of remorse. Those were necessary words for someone who doesn’t know his place. He simply said what the nerd needed to hear—he needed to know where he stands, and it was nowhere near Katsuki. Because if taking a swan dive off of the roof doesn’t kill him, his recklessness will. If anything, he’s only helping him accept his reality, better now than never, right? Yeah, that’s it. That's what he wanted to tell himself.
And yet,
“You guys go on.” Katsuki stops on his tracks, “Forgot my stupid textbook in the locker.”
Hariba raises a brow at this, “We can wait for ‘ya outside the gates.”
“I said go.” Katsuki said sternly as he turned back. He heard Kamata sigh behind him, which he deliberately ignored.
With the sound of the two's retreating footsteps fading in the distance, Katsuki walked briskly in the opposite direction, tracing his footsteps through the empty school passages.
He wouldn't, Katsuki told himself as he reached the staircase, a foot on one of the steps. Deku wouldn't, right?
Since the boy’s thick-skulled, since he kept sticking to Katsuki like a god damn leech no matter how many times he had to kick him away, since he wanted to be a hero that badly… he wouldn’t do something so fucking stupid just because Katsuki told him to, right? Katsuki's thoughts spun in a web of denial and unease. The more he tried to insist—the more he repeated those thoughts of denial in his head, the more they seemed to lose their meaning.
Katsuki halted when he finally reached the top, hand hovering over the doorknob as he took a breath in, before twisting the knob and pushing the door open.
Somewhere in the back of his head, he had wished Deku knew.
As the light from outside spilled into the open door, and as the wind touched his skin, there, Katsuki saw the exact image he’s been dreading.
There, teetering on the rooftop's edge, the boy stood. The image of Deku standing there with his green hair dancing in the wind, burned into Katsuki's mind. His harsh grip on the railing was evident as his knuckles turned white, as if he was afraid to fall.
“Dek—”
All coherent thoughts were thrown under the bus as one of Izuku’s hands lost its hold, and before Katsuki even knew it, he was running. Everything felt so excruciatingly slow, he ran as his body moved on its own—but each step felt heavy, as if he was running against gravity itself. Will he be able to grab the boy before he falls? Will he be able to catch him when he does? Will he be able to do anything at all?
A ground-shaking boom from behind shook Izuku in his trance, finally losing his footing as Katsuki propelled himself forward with a loud explosion. Katsuki lunged forward, closing the distance between him and the other with a desperate burst of speed. Time seemed to slow as the world around him blurred, his only focus on saving the boy he had spent years tormenting.
In that moment, everything else faded away. Izuku's eyes, wide with a mix of terror and surprise, locked onto Katsuki's, before a rush of realization washed over him as the air was knocked out of his lungs.
He’s falling.
He could feel the wind piercing through his skin as he did, he could smell the faint scent of burning and smoke, he could see the sky from above, the sparks of red and orange. He could see Kacchan.
He’s still falling.
“You bastard!”
And in one swift motion, the world around them seemed to freeze for a moment as Izuku came to a sudden halt, the force of Katsuki's hand wrapped around his wrist the only thing preventing him from plummeting to the ground.
A surprised gasp escaped Izuku’s lips, Kacchan's hand had reached him. For a short moment as Katsuki’s face came into view, Izuku had almost forgotten about how he was dangling from a rooftop with only the other’s hand on his wrist keeping him from falling into his demise.
“K-Kacchan?” Izuku managed to squeak out, confusion painted all over his face, “Why—”
He had wished Deku knew.
“It’s not just you, damn loser!” Katsuki's voice was stern, a mixture of anger and another emotion Izuku couldn't quite place lingered. He held Izuku's gaze for a moment, the intensity of his crimson eyes almost burning into the other’s weary green ones.
He had wished Deku knew he didn’t want any of this. Not at all, not really.
“I wanna be a hero too, you fucking bastard!” Katsuki's face contorted with the same anger, but the hint of an unidentified emotion still flared in his eyes.
He doesn’t want him to die, no, never. He was just talking bullshit—all of it was nothing but bullshit, he knew that—because he’s a coward, because he’s weak, and he knew that.
“I don’t want you anywhere near me,” Katsuki's grip on Izuku's wrist tightened, his fingers nearly digging into the boy's skin as his emotions boiled, the desperation in his tone loud, “Because you always try to be too fuckin’ heroic for your own good.”
His whole body hurts. His arms hurt from the big explosion he pulled off in a second, his stomach pressed against the railing as he held onto Izuku hurts, too, his breath running short as he choked on the words that tumbled out of his mouth.
“You’re quirkless and useless, and obviously way below me. That’s how it should be.” Each word he spat out stung like fire, each syllable laced with venom and bitterness.
“Kacchan—!”
“That’s how it should be!” His grip on Izuku's wrist was almost bruising, yet there was a slight tremble to it, an almost imperceptible crack in his facade, “So why are you trying so hard? Damn it.”
The words, though still tinged with anger, now carried a hint of desperation. It was driving Katsuki insane. He could feel his resolve crumbling, the years of bravado and superiority slipping through his fingers like sand, and he doesn't like it. Because as his eyes traveled to the hand around Izuku’s wrist, he remembers how it was there on his shoulder first; how it threatened his smaller frame back in the classroom, how it burned his notebook along with his dreams with the very power that helped him reach him.
But that doesn’t matter anymore, at least not right now. It doesn't matter if the nerd chastises him for being so cowardly and arrogant after this, it doesn’t matter if his arm tears from within, doesn’t matter if he pops a bone on his shoulder, doesn’t matter if he falls along with Deku head first. All of that doesn’t matter because right now, what really matters is…
“I wanna be a hero too,” Katsuki clenched his teeth, the words coming out in a strained hiss as all the rage and unsaid frustrations bubbled to the surface, “Which is why I ain’t letting you die just yet, Deku!”
Katsuki tried to find all the strength he could possibly muster, his whole body felt as if it was burning. Please, he thinks to himself, please. He grits his teeth, his body taut with straining muscle, the veins on his forehead prominent with the effort he put into lifting the boy up. Every muscle in his arm ached, his heart thumping wildly in his chest as adrenaline fueled him forward, and with one last pull, along with a loud string of curses, he managed to yank Izuku to the other side, adding explosions to the force to make sure the bastard was within the railing this time.
Izuku landed on his back with a loud thud, his body aching from the impact alone, nostrils filled with the smell of smoke that he desperately tried to cough out of his system, his head still hazy from the quick turning of events. He almost died!
Katsuki's chest heaved as he struggled to regain his bearings, his body trembling from the exertion, eyes traveling to Izuku who stayed glued on the floor, coughing. The adrenaline slowly dissipates, leaving only the sound of their labored breathing and the lingering tension between them.
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Katsuki's voice echoed through the empty rooftop as he grabbed Izuku by his uniform, not giving the other a chance to catch his breath. He was seething, the initial wave of relief of saving the nerd now replaced by frustration.
“K-Kacchan, wait, it's not—!”
“'Ya think you're gonna die falling off a three-story building with that thick skull of yours?! Think again, shitty nerd!” Katsuki's grip on Izuku remained tight, his hands trembling from the intensity of his own emotions, "If you really wanna die, say it to my face, and I'll gladly do you the fuckin’ honor. ‘Cause with this height, worst you could get is fall into a goddamn coma and make your mom take care of your already sorry ass! ‘Ya hear me?!”
Izuku's body tensed under the onslaught of Katsuki's words, his breathing ragged and unsteady, the tremors that ran through the blond's body mirroring his own. Tears finally welled in his eyes as he tried to remove the other’s hand from him, fingers clenching on the fabric of Katsuki's uniform.
He tried to speak, but words failed him, his voice cracking as he looked up at Katsuki with wide, watery eyes.
“What? You gonna wimp out again?” Katsuki pressed, “Where's that cockiness when you were about to fall head first and crack your neck like a fucking idio—”
“I'm not that stupid, idiot!” This time, it was Izuku who interrupted him. His voice was shaky, filled with frustration.
Though it didn't seem to faze the other as Katsuki almost laughed at his pathetic retort, “Hah?”
Izuku struggled to get rid of Katsuki’s hand, not until the blond loosened his grip on his uniform, causing him to stumble backwards, knees trembling as he fought to keep his balance.
"I'm… not that stupid to listen to you, Kacchan." Izuku repeated, his voice slightly cracking with emotion, “I wasn't– I wasn't trying to… j-jump. I would never…”
Silence enveloped the air as Katsuki's hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip.
"What?"
Izuku took a shaky breath, meeting Katsuki's gaze, his eyes filled with a mixture of both defiance and fear. He's gonna kill me, he thinks to himself.
"I was... I was trying to help a cat, okay?”
Confusion flashed across Katsuki's face as the words hit him like a ton of bricks. He stared at Izuku, his mind struggling to process the new information. His first instinct was to doubt, to refuse to believe.
"A... cat?" he managed to sputter out, his voice hoarse and low, "What the hell do you mean, a cat?”
Izuku nodded, his gaze dropping to the ground in shame and uncertainty, "There was a cat, and... and it was stuck on the railing, so I t-tried to help it down.” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
Katsuki's eyes narrowed, his anger flaring up again at Izuku's words. ‘Cause what the hell is that?
"Don't bullshit me, nerd," he snapped, "You jumped off!"
Izuku flinched at the harsh tone, his words coming out in a trembling whisper, "I… I wasn't trying to… y-your explosions startled me, and—"
But Katsuki, in his frustration, cut him off before he could finish, "So it's my goddamn fault then?" Katsuki's words were sharp and low, his jaw clenched as he glowered down at the boy, his eyes never leaving Izuku's. He was desperate for an explanation, desperate to understand what was going through the other's mind.
Izuku shook his head frantically, his voice rising in pitch, "No, no! It's…” he trailed off, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, “It's not like..."
Katsuki's patience had reached its limit, the frustration boiling over in a rush of anger. Was Deku just making a fool out of him? All that screaming—all those words that spilled out of his mouth, those he never wanted to say out loud… what the fuck was that for, then?
In that moment, all the pent-up emotions Katsuki had been holding back came rushing to the surface. He doesn't need Deku to understand the tangled web of his emotions—to see beyond the mask of indifference he had so carefully crafted. Yet there he stood, feeling raw and vulnerable, his heart laid bare before the nerd, of all people.
"You're making fun of me, aren't ‘ya?” His voice faltered, like that of a wounded animal.
Izuku's face crumpled, face paling once again, “Kacchan—”
Izuku couldn't find the words to say because at that moment, for the first time, he saw Katsuki differently. He saw beyond the rough, angry exterior, as he realized he looked less intimidating and harsh than he had known him for. As he hung his head low, as his body slightly trembled with raw emotions, beneath the surface of his anger, a deep-seated guilt and shame stirred.
It's true that Katsuki has hurt him many times more than he could count with his fingers, and Katsuki going out of his way to save him from falling does not immediately erase everything else he had put him through.
But to Izuku and his undying admiration for the boy who stood before him, his resolve to connect—to reach out remained unshaken.
“K-Kacchan..."
Izuku's soft voice seemed to cut through the tension-filled air. His gaze was fixed on Katsuki's tense form, and his heart ached at the sight.
Izuku's voice wavered as he spoke, his words filled with a mixture of emotion.
Katsuki's head snapped up, his eyes meeting Izuku's lenient ones yet again, he remained silent this time. He's pretty sure nothing Izuku would say could make him feel better about any of this, but he let him speak anyway. Because he, too, wants to understand.
Izuku took a hesitant step closer, his hands clenched nervously at his sides. "I would… never do anything as stupid as jumping off a r-roof," Izuku's voice was quiet, but it held a hint of determination as he spoke, "You should know that."
Katsuki's jaw tightened at the words, he wanted to snap back with a sharp retort, but something deep within him held him back. You should know that. Yes, fuck, he knew that. He believed that, he knew full well the bastard wouldn’t, because he's too persistent and thick headed and stubborn and he would never leave Katsuki’s side. He knew that, and yet…
He swallowed the words, his eyes narrowing as he waited for the other boy to continue.
"I... I hate that you're mean to me..." Izuku admits as he takes another step closer, his eyes never leaving Katsuki's face, "But... back there, just like any other time, you..."
Deep down, Izuku knew he could never stand on equal ground with Katsuki. He had accepted the fact that he was inferior, not worthy of standing shoulder to shoulder with the boy he so admired. Izuku's heart ached with the realization of his own inadequacy. He knew he could never match Katsuki's strength, his power, his determination. But the need to be close to him, to watch him grow and follow the path he himself could never take—the path of a hero…
If I can’t stand beside you, then I’ll watch you from behind.
"Y-You were amazing, Kacchan.”
The words hung in the air like a veil, cutting through the silence between them, Katsuki's eyes widened slightly. He felt a mix of emotions, but mostly surprise. He didn't want to acknowledge the guilt that flickered in his eyes, or the way his heart clenched involuntarily at the sight of the nerd's lowered head. He couldn't admit it to himself, let alone to Izuku, but the realization that the nerd’s true feelings may have gone deeper than his stubbornness to stand alongside him hit him like a sucker puncher.
"You..." he started, his words catching in his throat like a lump of rocks he could not get rid of.
Katsuki wanted to lash out, to dismiss the admiration coming from Izuku and remind him of their strained history. But for a moment, a part of him longed for the reassurance the words brought.
“Nothing happened here,” Katsuki started, voice gruff and low, “I didn’t save you, got it? We never had this talk.”
“Kacchan…”
“Tell anyone and you die. You got that, nerd?”
Izuku’s lips parted, though no words left his mouth. His lips pressed into a thin line, brows furrowed as his inner turmoil continued to boil, only responding with a nod. He knew that the other was trying to brush off the depth of the emotions they had just shared, to forget this ever happened and return to what mess they were, but the words stung nonetheless.
As Katsuki turned to leave, a faint sound caught his attention, breaking the heavy silence. The soft mewling of a cat reached their ears as they both looked down to find a small, black cat darting towards them. The cat meowed again, its small paws lightly treading on the rooftop.
Katsuki's brows furrowed slightly, his annoyance at the unexpected intrusion interrupted. The cat let out another insistent meow, trotting closer. The fuck? So the nerd wasn't lying, there really was a fucking cat.
"Hey, you got out on your own." Izuku murmured, pertaining to the cat. To think that he could've died trying to save it, if not for Kacchan…
Katsuki rolled his eyes as Izuku spoke, a scoff escaping his lips. "Over a damn cat.”
Izuku shrugged as the cat padded closer, its meows growing louder and more demanding. Its small, fluffy form weaved between his legs, rubbing against him. Katsuki let out a tch as he walked out, slamming the door of the rooftop from behind. Somehow, despite his aching body and strained throat from all the screaming and cursing, he felt unusually light.
Once Katsuki disappeared through the door, Izuku turned his attention back to the cat, who was weaving around his legs affectionately. He couldn't help but let out a small smile as he knelt down to pet the furry creature, "Looks like you're a bit of a troublemaker, huh?" he murmured, scratching behind the cat's ears. He lifted the cat into his arms, cradling it gently against his chest as it purred softly, nuzzling its head into Izuku's uniform, its fur soft against his skin.
Katsuki’s gaze lingered on the door which separated him from the other, his heart heavy with conflict. The feelings he had shared with Izuku… they're something he could not easily set aside and forget. But they're also something he needs more time to truly understand. So for now, he'll keep them locked away as he moves forward at an unrelenting pace.
And if Izuku, that loser, really wants to stand equal, then he better start chasing. Because Katsuki won't stop and wait for him.
Izuku exhaled deeply, his gaze still trained on the cat, "Yeah," he whispered, almost as if agreeing to the unspoken sentiment,
"If I want to stand beside Kacchan... I'll have to catch up."