Chapter Text
Six Years Ago
Pedestrians mill around them, shuffling through the icy air trying to make their way out of the sleeting rain. Castiel keeps his back straight, his hand in Anna's as she carries Samandriel. This is a new place, but here the ceilings are high and the lights are bright.
Castiel's shoes squeak as he walks, taking sure, measured steps to maintain a form of control. It's been twenty-four hours since they left, several towns away from where they started. They need one more bus to cross state lines and then he can breathe. He can let Anna and Samandriel rest finally.
"Castiel." Anna speaks up. He stops walking and sees what she's looking at. It's the schedule for out-of-state bus lines. He squeezes her hand and walks them toward the ticket booth.
"How many and where?" The tired-looking employee asks.
Castiel winces, fighting back the roil of shame in his stomach when this demon—no, when this person speaks to him.
He lets go of Anna's hand, moving to stand in front of her. "Three, sir, and the bus to Oregon, please." He wanted to go to California but there wasn't enough money for all three of them. He had gone through the maps, scoured any logs he could find and hadn't found a faction in Oregon. At least, if he can get them as deep into the state as possible—
"No Oregon routes running." He bites his tongue and tastes copper as he bleeds.
"What's the cheapest that gets us out of state?"
The transit employee looks up then, pale blond hair thinning under harsh lights. He blinks at the three of them, looking them up and down. Castiel knows how they look. Three young children clothed in gray, not enough clothes between the three to keep even one of them warm. Samandriel has the only jacket they had wrapped around him; Anna's shivering in a long-sleeved shirt.
The man raises a brow. "How old are you, kid?"
Castiel juts his chin out. "I am old enough to have a bride and a child."
The man's face morphs then. "Damn Mormons." He mutters before looking down at the computer in front of him. "I can get you to Boise."
Castiel pauses. "That's—"
"Idaho."
He brings up the map in his mind, scrolling through the pages until he can remember if Idaho has any factions.
None, but there are two domestic businesses that are under The Host.
"Where else in Idaho?" he asks.
The guy grunts and keeps tapping at his computer. "For ten extra dollars I can get you to Sun Valley."
Anna makes a noise. Castiel looks at her. Her face is pale, eyes dark as she shakes her head at him. She keeps looking down at the bag around Castiel's shoulders and back. Castiel knows what she's worried about, but right now he can't think of anything but this.
"Three tickets to Sun Valley, Idaho, please." The man nods, taps somewhere, then asks for payment.
After being handed the tickets, they set off to find the terminal, his shoes squeaking louder as they walked deeper into the building. Anna is clinging to his hand once more, glued to his side.
"Castiel—" she whispers.
He shushes her. "It'll be okay. I promise."
She shakes her head. "You need to eat, Castiel."
He stops them, pulling Anna until she is face to face with him. Samandriel is asleep, leaning heavily in her arms. He sees the strain around her eyes and opens his arms to take their younger brother. Anna shakes her head, but Castiel reaches for the young boy anyway.
"Come here, Driel." The boy wakes up, rubbing his eyes. His face is red from the cold, ears a worrying scarlet.
"Cas—" He yawns, rubbing at his eyes again. "Where are we?"
Castiel slides his backpack off and offers it to Anna, who frowns deeper but takes it anyway. Castiel shifts Samandriel until he can settle the child on his waist. Samandriel wiggles some, groaning during the handoff, but when Castiel pushes his head onto his shoulder he goes quiet.
When Anna has the backpack clipped in the front, she glares at her brother, her eyes the deep hazel that all of his sisters share. Hers are gentle, no stress around her brows or creases by her nose. They’re dark, though; skin purpling underneath from too many tears and too little sleep.
"We have enough peanuts to eat." He shuffles her forward, looking left and right, making sure they aren’t being followed. Anna sighs, her shoulders slumping under his hand.
"Castiel, we ran out of peanuts last night. You haven't eaten since we left and you said—" He stops her before she steps off the path.
The rain has stopped, but the wind still kicks the ice and slush around. His shoulders shake, goosebumps forming up and down his arms. Anna apologizes for not watching her step and waits until the street is empty to cross. Once they continue walking, she keeps talking, "You said you would eat whenever we got off the last bus. You promised that you'd get food for all three of us, but I know we don't have the money, Castiel. You need to eat too."
He grabs her hand and pulls her along as he reads the signs for the buses.
"I'll eat, okay? I promise. Just—grab the tickets. Side pouch."
She does as he asks.
They finally board the bus. Passing Samandriel off to Anna to lay down, Castiel feels a weight shift. They're not in the clear yet, but in nearly fourteen hours they will be.
As close to the clear as he can get them.
"Castiel," Anna whispers.
He turns his gaze from the door of the bus to his sister. Samandriel is tucked into her side, his eyes open and glassy as he looks out the window. Castiel reaches over to brush away some fuzz that had latched onto his brother’s ashy hair. It makes him think of a follower he met when Father took him and Uriel out of state to visit another compound.
His name was Balthazar. He was the same age as Castiel, and when they had sat next to each other during the congregation, he’d shown him the scars on his hands—punishment marks, though Castiel hadn't understood what for, then.
Castiel had enjoyed getting to know Balthazar. He wasn't one of his brothers, and his parents didn't live on the compound in their area. When he was roomed with him for the night, the other boy would recall stories of Hell. He'd tell him about candy, movies, and sports teams that didn't sound like the horrible things The Archangels condemned.
Castiel had made the mistake of laughing at something the boy had told him, though. In front of his Father, who had stood at the pulpit with his hands held to the sky. Castiel doesn't know what happened to Balthazar, but he knows what happened to him.
"Rest now," he whispers to his siblings. "Just rest.."
Samandriel closes his eyes again, turning to curl into Anna, who watches Castiel closely.
"Sleep, Sister." He smiles.
Anna closes her eyes and tucks herself against him.
Castiel stays awake, refusing to close his eyes, even for a moment, as they drive away.
It'd been just before dawn when their bus had stopped. Castiel found a bathroom and helped Samandriel as Anna took care of herself. He used the sink to fill their two water bottles and ignored the pang of hunger in his stomach.
They ran out of money faster than he'd hoped, and walking to the nearest bus station didn't seem to be an option. The cab was expensive but necessary, and when Driel began to moan about being hungry, all his focus was on his brother and sister.
He still has a water bottle and he can drink it incrementally during the drive. He thinks about those small stores he'd seen, the ones with cars parked in front of them and signs for sugar drinks and lottery games.
He'd asked one of the other passengers what they were. She had given him a strange look but told him they’re called convenience stores. If they come across one when they make it to Sun Valley, he can see if someone will help them. If not, he might have to steal.
He's done it before.
Quick swipes of things that the Mothers weren’t able to afford; a packet of sugar here, a roll of bread there. He'd learned to be quick and quiet in order to obey. Castiel knows what he can get away with.
He isn't sure about Anna and Driel though. They were never allowed to leave the compound; they know of nothing outside of Heaven. Would they know to keep quiet, to not look like they're stealing but to put away as much as they can?
He would have to leave them somewhere.
The amount of money he paid for the tickets flashes in his mind, lining up with the cash they’d left with. He'd looked up places to sleep on Mother's computer. He knows about motels and the price of a room. They'll only need one bed—surely he can afford one for the night.
He needs to think of something, somewhere, for them to stay, but they’d moved from the truck they’d escaped in, to one bus that led to another. Sleeping hasn't been something Castiel has thought about in great detail.
He had hoped he'd have Inias to help. Inias was older than him; he'd been a guard for months before Castiel asked for his help. He knew things about Hell that Castiel didn't.
Castiel wishes the other boy would have given him all of the money before he died.
Castiel’s stomach burns, thinking about it.
The sun rises as they travel, slow dull gray across the sky. Brackets of light break free of the clouds to reflect and blind him. The mountains change, the towns grow, and he watches as people in their cars drive by. He keeps a focus on his brother and sister, hoping they'll stay asleep the whole time.
He doesn't know what he’ll say when they inevitably start asking him questions.
Inias knew the things Castiel did not. Inias promised Castiel they were getting out of this together.
Castiel’s a warrior, and warriors aren't meant to be scared, but by The Hand, he's terrified.
There's no telling when they'll be caught, or who will catch them. None of them know how far they'll go.
The plan was as far as possible.
First to Oregon, then to California and further south if they could. Castiel had learned Spanish in his training grades.
Proficiency and exemplary, that's what his every test was marked.
He thought with that skill they could live in Mexico, that he'd be able to talk to someone and find a job to care for his siblings. Him, Anna, and Inias were all of age. They could find a home together. Somewhere safe, warm, that wouldn’t force you to pray for hours or tear at your skin in shame.
He will find them a home. Somehow.
He knows he's smart. He had been allowed to learn university teachings from Professor Zachariah. Castiel might not know much of Hell, but he's practical and hardworking and willing to push to keep them safe.
A large semi rushes by, the horn blaring and jarring several of the passengers awake. Anna and Driel don't stir once. He reaches across his sister to grab the jacket hanging off of Driel's shoulder. Shaking it out first, he lays it across Anna and Driel. Anna hums, but her eyes stay closed, and Castiel is relieved.
He doesn't know what he'll say when she asks what's next.
Hours later Castiel leaves Anna and Driel at the public library—it's the safest place he can think of. It's warm, and the lady behind the desk had told them that they could stay until closing if they'd like, before showing Driel to the children's section.
"Use one of the computers," Castiel had pointed at the bank of them along the back wall, "look for motels and write down the price for each one, okay?"
"But Cas—"
"Anna."
Now he walks around the back of a convenience store looking for a spigot. He's shaking and they ran out of water hours ago. There is a silver tap sticking out of the back of the building, and he rushes toward it. Castiel shoves his hands beneath the stream and splashes water across his face. It's cold enough that it burns, but he feels clean. He fills the water bottles up and washes his hands.
He circles the block first, heart hammering. He can't go in with the backpack. If he doesn't pay for anything, they'll know he snuck something out. So, he waits, walking down the street in the opposite direction until the store is out of sight.
There is a fence blocking off an alleyway across the street.
Castiel leaves the backpack there, tucked behind a trashcan and under a stray box.
He waits until a few patrons have entered to go inside. He needs to blend in with the customers. Keeping his chin high, he walks back to the bathrooms. He stands for a moment, then meanders toward the aisles. The stores he'd go to with his mother and siblings were larger than places like this. Lots of aisles to hide in, lots of people to mix with.
The bathrooms are visible from the back of the store. To see them from the front you'd have to step around the checkout and the wall separating them. There are chips in the last aisle, the small ones that would be given as snacks to the fledglings. Castiel has the jacket. It's long and has deep pockets. He knows he can fit three cans of sugar drinks and two water bottles in one pocket.
The chips make noise though. They would crinkle before he could move past the front counter.
He looks back at the bathrooms and sees someone else standing there now. Good, it gives him some time to think.
He should grab more water.
The man is still standing by the bathroom, and neither of the employees are looking his way. He walks toward the water and stops next to it to peer at the chips. He slips two bottles in his pocket, not looking away from the chips.
He can't do the chips, but he sees a small box of crackers in the middle aisle. Castiel waits until he sees the bathroom door open and a woman walks out. The man nods at her as he takes her place. Castiel's eyes follow the woman all the way to the door. Three people all walk in at once, two going to the registers and one walking toward the coolers.
Now.
Castiel keeps his steps neutral. He keeps his eyes on the bathroom, and when he steps back to the crackers, he grabs two boxes and slips them into his other pocket.
He stands next to the bathroom again.
No one looks at him.
He waits until the other man leaves the bathroom, nods at him politely, and slips inside. His hands are trembling, sweat glistens at his temples, and he has to take in a string of steady breaths to calm down.
He uses the bathroom, taking his time, making sure nothing can be seen from the outside of his jacket. Castiel washes his hands thoroughly when there is a tap on the bathroom door.
"Anyone in there?" It startles him. Castiel feels his eyes grow wide, his heart pounding. Could they have found them this fast? How did they know where they were going?
Do they know where Anna and Driel are? Do they already have them? Oh God, they'll kill them, he knows they will. No one who leaves is ever allowed back into Heaven.
"Hello?" There is another knock and Castiel lets out a breath.
It's just another patron.
"Sorry. Yes, give me a moment." His voice is weak.
"No problem," the stranger mutters back.
Straightening his back, Castiel opens the door and makes eye contact with a young father and his son. They nod at each other, the boy pushing past Castiel to make it to the toilet. The father laughs and apologizes. The bell over the door rings; there is a line of people at the register.
He sneaks a candy bar into his pocket as he passes by.
Anna has filled one piece of paper with an array of motel rooms; she marked the ones closest to them. Castiel goes through the whole list, crossing out the ones they'd need a car to reach. He circles the ones that cost more than they have and ones that offer by the hour.
He knows about brothels.
"This one." He copies the address, price, and name of the motel on another slip of paper. When he slides it into the bag his knuckles knock against the box of crackers and his stomach growls.
"Castiel—"
"Don't worry, Anna."
She shakes her head again, her hair falling from the ponytail she tried to craft. She doesn't have the pins like they do at the compound, and her hair is too short to stay up. Every six months they shaved their heads. It kept hair out of the way during training and prevented parasites from spreading. He never had a problem keeping it shaved in the warm months but wished for its thickness in the cold.
"Come on." He puts the backpack over his shoulders and motions for Driel to grab his hand. His brother looks at the books wistfully but comes along. When they pass by the desk, the lady who welcomed them waves goodbye and reminds them of the hours for tomorrow.
Samandriel is already asking if they can go back before the doors close behind them.
"Maybe. Tell me what you did."
This sets the boy off, and the two elder siblings listen as Samandriel tells them about the books he discovered. That he showed the kind lady, Miss Amy, how well he could read.
"You can read chapter books." Anna responds.
"Big ones too!" Driel throws his hands in the air as Castiel and Anna laugh.
The motel isn't far, but it's growing dark and the wind has started up again. Once there Castiel rushes them inside, trying to keep the two of them wrapped in the jacket. There is no one at the desk when he walks up to it. He rings the bell. It clanks when he touches it.
"Excuse me." He calls out.
There's a shuffle, a curse, then a very short man walks out of the office and turns to them. His eyes widen when he sees the three of them standing there.
For the briefest of moments, Castiel thinks he is a follower. The way his eyes rake over him and his siblings. They take in the standard gray clothing, the long tan jacket stretched to its limits. He fears the man will shout at them and tell them to run away; to leave and never come back. Maybe worse— for his Archangel to come out of the office.
Or Father himself.
His hand is on Anna's shoulder preparing to tug her out the door when the man claps his hands together. He steps up to the counter and hops onto a chair to peer over at them. "What can I help you with?"
Castiel unclenches his jaw.
"We'd like a room, please."
The man nods. "One bed or two?"
"One, please." The man stops, looks over the counter at them again and raises a brow.
"You look awfully young to only be getting one bed." He doesn't sound angry or judgmental, but Castiel still straightens his back.
"They are my wife and child. One bed, sir." He trains his gaze on the man, who turns to his computer, giving them a sideways glance.
The hotel clerk twirls the chair around behind him and swipes a key through a machine then hands it to Castiel.
"You three are in 17B. There is a continental breakfast at six. If you get there quick enough, Louise will leave a few muffins for you. Try the lemon ones—those are her best." Castiel gives him the money and waits with bated breath to receive his change.
When the transaction is done, Castiel swings Driel and Anna in front of him and walks them through the door. He points to where their room is, and the three of them take off. The wind howls as they lock themselves inside the tiny room. Once they’re warm enough he sends both of them to shower. Castiel counts the money and sets out what they have on the dresser. The room smells like old cigarettes and cleaning products that don't quite cover the mustiness.
There's a television and a bible.
Castiel ignores both.
He tries to sleep when they curl up together on the bed. The winds are screaming, banging against the door and shaking the frame, sending shivers down his spine. He curls around Samandriel and closes his eyes tighter.
They don't get any of the muffins, but there is some fruit and cereal left. It's ten after eight. All of them are washed, changed, and fed when they leave the motel and make their way back to the library. Castiel needs to think of something, and he needs his brother and sister distracted as he does.
There's a list in his back pocket of places where they might find help. He's not as proficient with the computer as Anna is, but he used Mother Naomi's enough to navigate a search site and delete the history.
The same woman from yesterday—”Miss Amy!” Samandriel shouts when he sees her—is behind the counter and welcomes them with a warm smile.
"Back so soon? Did you three even blink?" Samandriel laughs and reaches for the bowl on the counter. He digs his hand through a sea of lollipops. Anna grabs one for herself and motions at Castiel to take one. He grabs a green one.
"I need to use a computer." Miss Amy blinks at him. Her smile draws tight for a second before settling back into a smile. She points toward the children's section, and when Anna and Samandriel disappear, she looks Castiel in the eye.
Castiel stares back.
Miss Amy nods once, then stands up and directs him to the bank of computers. "You only get an hour a session. If you need more than that, it's going to cost you a dollar every half hour. Here," She wiggles the mouse of one and it comes to life. She types something into the box on the screen, then a timer starts, and he navigates to the search engine.
"If you need anything let me know. The printer is free for the first five copies, but after that it's a dime a page." She nods at the computer. "Have fun."
Castiel waits until she is back behind her desk before he sits down and starts typing.
His first search leads him to nothing. He makes sure he spelled everything correctly before searching again and still nothing.
The second search led to something. Its homeless shelter fifty miles north of Sun Valley. No, he needs something closer that can get them in quicker. Preferably by tonight. He doesn't know where they'll stay otherwise.
The next search proves to be fruitful. It pulls up a homeless shelter closer to them. There is a sparse website but the location leads to a red brick building. It was once a church that was turned into a shelter for the needy. It makes him uncomfortable to think of being inside a church, but beggars can’t be choosers.
The only other option is a domestic abuse shelter. It's further than the homeless shelter, and the website is the bare minimum, but when he looks up the address, the building matches what the website says.
Those shelters are different from the homeless ones. He checked. They have more rules, more limitations. He hopes they don't require them to report anything to the police.
They'd find them that way.
He feels someone come up behind him and pauses, clicks the X in the corner and closes the site before turning around.
Anna.
He sighs. "What?"
"Come here." She grabs his hand.
Castiel looks back at the computer for a beat before standing up and letting Anna drag him deep into the building.
"Driel—"
"He's reading right now." She keeps pulling him her grip tight around his wrist. Castiel thinks about telling her to let go, but she seems insistent. Anna turns down two aisles before she stops him. She looks around them keeping Castiel caged in the corner. When she sees nothing Anna turns to him and holds out her hand.
It's a business card.
In plain black print it says Robin Sonny, and beneath there's an email address and a phone number.
"Okay?" He stares at it.
Anna huffs and turns the card around pushing it into his hand. He fumbles a bit but takes the card and reads it.
"I know some a place that will help you. Call them." he reads out, and beneath it is a series of numbers, a phone number. "What is this?"
Anna looks over her shoulders again then leans closer. "Miss Amy gave it to me. When I asked her about it she said 'It's a safe place.' Then I walked away." She grabs his wrists, her breath hot as she pants. "Castiel, have they found us?"
He stares at the card.
Could it be them? Did they find out where they were? Followed them from the bus station? No.
They'd have stopped them by now instead of letting them march around town. Also, why was it given to Anna? If someone found them they'd go right for Castiel after killing Anna and Driel. There wouldn't be a business card, and they wouldn't have waited a whole day to do it.
"No." He pinches the card. "This isn't them."
"Do you think it will help?" It's spoken in a whisper falling from her lips with empty hope. Castiel doesn't know.
He doesn't know.
"I hope so."