Chapter Text
Chapter 1: It Was a Mistake (Or Was It?)
Buck didn’t know how he got here. He’s laying in bed, watching two of the most important people in his life sleep and he can’t help but think about all of the decisions that got him to this point. As he lays there watching them sleeping peacefully, his mind starts to drift. He starts thinking back to the first decision (or at least in his mind, it’s the first decision) that led him here. If he had changed even one tiny aspect, he might not be here. He might not be lying in bed, watching two of his favorite people sleep. How did this happen? Does he deserve this? What does he do to make sure that he gets to keep this?
Seven Months Ago
Eddie’s gone. He’s back in Texas, trying to rebuild his relationship with Chris. Buck feels empty, but he knows that this was the right decision for Eddie. He would have gone with him, if Eddie had asked, Buck would have quit the 118 and moved to Texas with him. But Eddie didn’t ask. Instead, Buck did the only thing he could think of to help. He got out of his lease at the loft and sublet Eddie’s house. Now the house is filled with boxes of his belongings and he’s sleeping on Maddie and Chim’s couch. How pathetic! He feels pathetic, he’s got a house now; not a loft, not couch surfing, or living in the Jeep, but he doesn’t sleep there. In all honesty, he goes back there as little as he can. The house depresses him; it doesn’t feel like home anymore. The smiling faces and laughter that made Eddie’s house feel like home and now, with him and Chris gone, it feels cold, empty, desolate.
Maddie told him that he should probably try to expand his circle of friends. It’s not that she doesn’t love her little brother, but she’d really like her couch back. Of course, she also wants to see him happy, and she thinks the only way that will happen (other than Eddie deciding to come back to L.A.) is if he finds new friends. Maddie’s suggestion is why he’s here. Maddie’s suggestion is why he's probably about to do something stupid. He had convinced Ravi to go out with him for a drink after shift. They went to a local badge and ladder bar and were playing quarters. Apparently, Buck had been talking non-stop about Eddie, though he didn’t see what the problem was. Ravi had gotten up to go to the bar, he wanted to switch to beer (and truth be told he was tired of hearing about Eddie and tired of playing that godforsaken game of quarters).
Ravi had only been gone a few minutes, when Buck looked up and saw Ravi walking back over with Tommy. Now Buck is sitting at the table with Tommy (Ravi having ditched him) and he can feel that he’s going to make a stupid decision.
“I was driving by your place the other day.” Tommy says matter of factly.
“Actually, you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t?”
“No, I don’t live there anymore.”
“You got a new place?”
“Yeah, I did. You, uh, you want to see it?” Buck asks flirtatiously while picking at the label of his beer bottle.
Before he knows it, he and Tommy are feverishly kissing and walking through the front door of Ed-, his house. He walks Tommy back up against the nearest wall and moves to kissing Tommy’s neck. Tommy at this moment realizes where he is.
“Is this Eddie’s place?” he asks, side-stepping Buck into the middle of the living room.
“It was. I’m, uh, I’m subletting,” Buck says, chuckling and panting, while leaning against the wall holding his belt buckle.
“Well, I love what you’ve done with the place,” Tommy says while looking around at the mess that is boxes and boxes of Buck’s stuff.
“You want me to give you a tour,” Buck asks, walking back to Tommy.
“Sure,” Tommy says, reconnecting his lips to Buck’s. They move down the hallway only separating to start removing clothing. Buck pulls Tommy to the bedroom by his undershirt.
They fall onto Buck’s bed, Buck first with Tommy on top of him. Buck’s a little buzzed from the bar, but not enough that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Tommy is just following his lead.
Buck pulls away for a moment and looks at Tommy, “I’ve missed you,” he says quietly and moves back in for another kiss. Tommy, not wanting to ruin the moment, doesn’t say anything, but, instead, kisses him back. When he does break apart from Buck a moment later, it’s only to reattach his lips to the pulse point on Buck’s neck. He lightly nibbles until he hears Buck groan. He remembered that this was always one of Buck’s sensitive spots. Upon hearing Buck’s groan, Tommy has a hard time controlling himself and bites down harder and adds suction, eliciting a much louder, guttural noise from Buck. Tommy takes his time moving from one spot on Buck’s neck to the next until he’s placing open-mouthed kisses on Buck’s collarbone and reaching for the hem of Buck’s undershirt. He pulls away for just a moment to look at Buck and then begins pulling Buck’s undershirt over his head, seeing no hesitation in Buck’s eyes. He throws the shirt behind him, paying no attention to where it lands because he can’t take his eyes off of Buck. Buck reaches out and drags him back down by the back of his neck, meeting him halfway he joins their lips together again. With this one kiss, Buck is trying to say so many things that he doesn’t think that he could actually say out loud. The kiss doesn’t stay soft and gentle for long; Tommy and Buck are both too revved up and before long their kisses turn intense and sloppy, more teeth and tongue then lips.
After several sloppy kisses, Buck moves his hands to Tommy’s waist and using all of his weight he flips them over where Tommy is on his back. Tommy looks at Buck. He doesn’t say anything, but Buck can see him thinking.
Tommy’s looking at Evan and wondering why he ever ended this. He remembers the speech he gave Evan, the whole “I’m not your last, I’m your first” bullshit. It’s not like he was Evan’s first serious relationship, he may have been his first queer relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. No, the real reason was fear. He was afraid because he wasn’t him; he wasn’t the person that meant the most in Evan’s life and he wasn’t sure if ever would be and he didn’t want to play second fiddle to anyone. He shakes his head to literally try and shake the thoughts away and at the same time Evan starts placing small kisses along his jaw line, then down his throat to his Adam’s Apple. Just like he had done a few minutes ago, Evan grabs the hem of his undershirt and looks at him quickly to make sure it’s okay. Tommy nods and Evan lifts his undershirt over his head and throws it behind him.
After throwing his shirt behind him, Evan attaches himself to Tommy’s right nipple. Tommy’s always enjoyed some pain as pleasure and it seems that Evan remembers that (I mean, he should, they hadn’t broken up that long ago) and bites down on his nipple, not hard enough to break skin, but hard enough to get Tommy’s attention. Tommy hisses and lets out a quiet moan. That one, single moan seems to fuel Evan and he starts lavishing his nipple with his tongue. Evan starts pinching Tommy’s left nipple while licking his right. The pinching on his left nipple is just this side of pain. Just a little more and it would be more pain than pleasure. Evan has always known how to tow that line really well. As much as Tommy enjoys pain, he knows Evan does as well, it was one way that they both matched really well. While Evan is attacking his nipples, Tommy laces the fingers of his right hand through Evan’s thick, luscious curls and pulls just enough to make Evan whimper. That sound, a sound that he’s missed so much, goes straight to his cock. And for the first time, he realizes that he’s rock hard. Harder than he’s been in a long time, even during those months while he and Evan were dating.
Tommy noticed that the sound that Evan made seemed to break them both out of some kind of trance that they had been under. Evan sat back on his feet, staring at Tommy, and then started undoing his belt, slowly pulling it out of the loops and throwing it behind him…somewhere (that was a problem for later). As soon as his belt was gone, Evan started with his jeans first the button and then the zipper. Tommy just watched as Evan lowered the zipper and then reached into his boxers and wrapped his big, strong hand around Tommy’s hard, aching cock. He didn’t move, just gripped Tommy’s cock with a mischievous smile on his face. Tommy loved that smile, months ago when they were dating, that smile meant that he was in for a great night.
Tommy focuses back on Evan who had let go of his cock and was pulling off his jeans and boxes, still with that sly, mischievous grin on his face. It doesn’t take long before Tommy is lying under Evan completely naked with Evan straddling him. Evan starts at his collar bone and begins placing a trail of kisses down his chest, his stomach, but stops when he gets to his cock. Instead of putting his mouth where Tommy wants him to the most, he places open-mouthed kisses onto each of his hips and then moves down to the inside of his thighs. He stops. He sits up and just looks at Tommy for a minute. Neither of them have had all that much to drink, so they’re perfectly aware of what they’re doing, which makes Tommy wonder what Evan is thinking about.
Before he can think on it too much though, Evan reaches down again and starts to slowly, loosely stroke his aching member. The stroking isn’t enough to do anything more than drive Tommy crazy.
“Please…”, he hears himself whine in a tone that he’s never heard before. What is wrong with him?
“Please, what, baby? Tell me what you want.” Evan says, almost mockingly as continues to slowly stroke, squeezing every few strokes to do nothing more than make Tommy lose his mind.
“Please…more. I, fuck, Evan, need more”, he says breathily, barely able to get out the words. Evan’s light touches drive him more and more out of his mind with arousal.
“There’s a lot of things that could be considered ‘more’, baby. For instance,” he stopped stroking and bent down and licked all of the precum from the tip of his cockhead and moaned at the familiar, salty taste, “that would be considered more. Is that all you need?
Tommy just shook his head. Words, thoughts were scrambled in his head right now and his brain/mouth connection seemed to be broken. Evan just continued to look at him and had started to lightly stroke his cock again.
“Be specific, baby. What do you need? What do you want from me?” Evan says slowly, punctuating every other word with a light squeeze of his cock.
“I need you inside me,” Tommy says breathily, barely able to get the words out.
Tommy looks up and sees that Evan has gone still, all of his movements have stopped. He’s not really sure how to take this change, but it’s only a moment before Evan speaks.
“Are you sure? You’ve never wanted to bottom for me.”
Tommy knew that they had to have this conversation, that Evan wouldn’t go any further without it. He just didn’t really want to have this conversation right now. He sighed and then started, “To be honest, I always wanted to, but was always scared. I’ve only ever bottomed a few times and never really enjoyed it. I always thought it would be different with you because things were different with us, but I was still too scared. After I broke up with you, I told myself that if I ever got the chance again I would take it. So this is me taking that chance, as long as you want.”
“Shit, yeah, I want to. I, uh, I just wish you would have talked to me sooner.”
Evan doesn’t go back to touching him just yet. Instead he reaches over into the bedside table and grabs his half-full bottle of lube and a condom and throws them on the bed. Tommy recognizes the bottle immediately, it’s the brand that they both decided was the best. His heart fills a little with the thought that Evan still uses that brand. He watches as Evan gets off the bed and starts removing his clothes. The man standing before him has the most gorgeous body that he’s ever seen. Every part of him is chiseled, but still soft. He watches as Evan’s muscles move as he removes his shirt and then his pants, leaving him only in his boxers.
Evan crawls back between his legs and stops, doesn’t reach for any of the supplies or for Tommy. He looks up, like he wants to ask something, but just sits there for a moment before he does.
“How long has it been since you’ve done this?” Evan asks in the most sincere and caring tone.
“Several years, and like I said, it wasn’t a good experience.”
“Do you trust me?”
“With my life.”
“Then lay back and let me take care of you.”
Tommy watches as Evan situates himself between his legs. He hears the snick of the lube bottle as Evan opens it and he assumes that he’s pouring some on his fingers and warming it up. He feels Evan circle his rim, rubbing against the muscle, but not breaching. It feels amazing and so different than it has any other time he’s done this. He lets out a small moan and though he’s not looking at Evan, Tommy’s pretty sure that he’s smirking.
Tommy feels Evan start to push one of his fingers past the ring of muscles and he feels himself start to tense. Evan must feel it too because at the same time, Evan takes the head of his cock into his mouth and starts sucking lightly. The dual sensations allow Tommy to relax again and Evan is able to push his finger into the first knuckle. Evan stills for just a moment, allowing Tommy to adjust, while lightly sucking. Evan pushes again until his finger is all the way in, stilling again for Tommy to adjust. After a moment, he begins slowly thrusting his finger in and out of Tommy’s hole. The sensation feels like nothing Tommy has ever felt before and he can’t help but think to himself why he waited so long to do this with Evan.
After several minutes of thrusting with one finger and being sure that Tommy is loose enough, Evan pulls out his finger just enough to add a second and starts the entire process again. He pushes both fingers in up to the first knuckle and stills. While allowing Tommy to adjust, he continues with his ministrations on Tommy’s cock. He pulls back just enough to lick the slit and then takes the head back in his mouth again, sucking lightly. Just as he begins pushing his fingers in again, he takes his cock deeper in his mouth and increases his suction.
Tommy is in heaven. He’s never felt anything like this before. Above Evan, he’s a moaning, writhing mess. His hands are curled into the sheets and he’s making sounds that he’s never heard himself make before.
Evan pops off his cock and looks up at him, “You doing okay up there, baby?”
Tommy nods his head, not sure that he can put words together at the moment.
“Words, baby, words.”
“Yesss,” Tommy says through a loud, breathy moan.
Evan chuckles, takes Tommy back in his mouth and begins thrusting the two fingers in his hole at the same time. Evan begins to slow with his thrusts and begins rubbing around Tommy’s walls. It doesn’t take long for him to find what he’s looking for and he presses.
Tommy groans loudly, “Oh my god,” and almost comes on the spot. Evan must realize it because he backs off and pulls off his cock at the same time.
“Found it,” he says impishly.
Evan pulls his fingers out and Tommy hears the snick of the lube bottle again. He thought that he would be slicking his cock up this time, but just a moment later he feels Evan’s fingers again. Evan’s going to make sure that he’s ready for him by making sure that he can take three of his fingers. He slowly works his fingers into Tommy’s hole and Tommy’s pretty sure he’s already seeing stars. Evan doesn’t go as slow this time. He pushes all three fingers in until they’re bottomed out. He begins quickly thrusting them in and out while scissoring them, stretching him out. Every few thrusts, he rubs on his prostate just a bit.
“Fuck, Evan, feels so good. Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” Tommy hears himself beg, something he’s never done before. He gathers just enough energy to open his and look at Evan. Evan has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, fully aware that he’s driving Tommy absolutely insane.
Evan continues for several more thrusts and then pulls his fingers out completely. Tommy whines, feeling empty for the first time since they started.
“I know, baby, I know. I’ve got you though, hang on,” Evan says quietly. Tommy hears the snick of the lube bottle again and looks up at Evan. He hears the rip of the condom package and watches as Evan rolls the condom up his impressive length. He watches as he pours lube on his latex covered cock and slicks himself up. He watches Evan as he tugs on his own cock a few times before he decides that he’s ready.
He lines himself up at Tommy’s hole. “Are you sure?” he asks Tommy again. Tommy starts to just nod, but he knows Evan. Evan is big on explicit consent, just like he is. He finds all the energy that he can and replies, “Yes.”
Evan starts to push in and Evan must have done a great job at getting him ready because he feels stretched and a slight burn. He tries his best to relax but he feels himself tense. Evan feels it as well and begins to lightly stoke his cock and that sensation takes over. Tommy begins to relax and the head of Evan’s cock finally pushes into his hole. Evan stops for a minute, giving Tommy a chance to adjust. He’s watching Tommy and after a second, Tommy nods his head letting Evan know to continue. Evan starts pushing in again slowly inch after inch until he’s fully sheathed. Evan’s still slowly, lightly stoking Tommy’s cock while he gives him a moment to adjust to being full of Evan.
“Evan,” he says breathily, “you can move. Please move.”
Evan doesn’t say anything, but he stops stroking Tommy’s cock and pulls out slowly until only the head of his cock is still inside. He thrusts back in and then rotates his hips grinding his cock along Tommy’s prostate. He sets a rhythm that has Tommy panting and moaning. Evan pulls out, thrusts in and grinds, repeating this pattern making sure that he’s hitting Tommy’s prostate on every other thrust.
Tommy’s never felt like this before. He can already feel his orgasm building. He feels like he’s going to erupt before he knows it. He’s always prided himself in his ability to outlast his partners, but for the first time in his life he feels ready to explode way before he’s ready.
“Tommy, baby, you feel amazing. You’re taking me so well. It’s like you’ve taken me thousands of times. I don’t know how long I’m going to last with you squeezing me like a vice grip.”
As Evan continues thrusting he leans down on his forearms and kisses Tommy. His thrusting changes because of the angle and he starts hitting Tommy’s prostate on every thrust. Tommy groans into the kiss. Soon their kisses become just two people with lips touching sharing the same air.
“Evan, Evan,” Tommy moans, “I’m so cl-close. Please…touch me.”
Evan wraps his hand around Tommy’s cock and begins stroking. It only takes about five strokes for Tommy’s vision to white out. His cock starts shooting rope after rope of pearly, white come. It lands on his abs, his chest, and a small bit gets as far as his collar bone. Evan continues thrusting and follows Tommy over the threshold after just a few thrusts, stilling deep within Tommy, moaning Tommy’s name as he finishes.
Evan stills when he’s finished and tries not to, but eventually collapses on top of Tommy. They lay still for just a moment catching their breath and bathing in each other's essences.
“How are you?” Evan asks sincerely, but cautiously.
Tommy pulls Evan for a quick kiss, “I feel fantastic, I didn’t know that it could feel like that. Thank you for taking care of me.”
Evan smiles, “Anytime.”
Evan starts to slowly sit up and pull out, leaving Tommy with an empty feeling that makes him whine. He watches Evan stand up and then head to the bathroom, he assumes to clean up. He hears the tap come on for a minute and then go back off. A minute later he sees Evan come back in with a wet, warm washcloth to clean him up with. He wipes Tommy down and then lays back down pulling the blanket over them.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted,” Evan says sleepily.
“I could sleep,” Tommy replies.
“Good, see you in the morning baby.”
“See you in the morning,” Tommy replies quietly.
Tommy falls asleep quickly, his breathing evening out and small snores filling the room. Since he fell asleep so quickly, he doesn’t notice Evan looking at him. He doesn’t see the smile on his face as he watches Tommy sleep. He also doesn’t see that smile morph into a look of confusion and wonderment. He doesn’t see Evan spiraling, and thinking to himself “What have I done?”