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Jing Yuan hums a soft song to himself. If one looked closely, they might even say there’s a slight skip in his step.
He is in a good mood.
The Astral Express is due to visit today.
After all the chaos the universe has been undergoing lately, including the threat of Irontomb and Amphoreus coming into “existence”, the peace is welcomed.
It may be the calm before a storm, but Jing Yuan is old enough to take the blessings where he can find them.
And what a blessing it is to have Dan Heng and the rest of the Astral Express friendship. That Dan Heng is willing to seek Jing Yuan when he returns to the Luofu is extraordinary. Jing Yuan is honored that even in this life, he is still called a friend.
So he walks with a barely suppressed joy in his gait and music in his heart as he heads towards a quiet corner of Aurem Alley to meet Dan Heng. There’s a discrete corner that Jing Yuan likes to frequent, where he can pick up food from the nearby vendors and sit down to enjoy it without being disturbed. It’s a little out of the way but offers a view of all of Aurem Alley itself. Baiheng had shown it to him back in the day and it’s been one of Jing Yuan’s favorite spots since.
Dan Heng, it seems, has already arrived. The table is already filled with food, assorted delights from Aurem Alley. Dan Heng leans against the railing, hand reaching to touch red maple leaves of the nearby tree. Quiet contemplation was written all over his face.
“What secrets do maple leaves hold, to cause such deep thoughts? Is it their vibrant colors or the fleeting frailty of holding on?” Jing Yuan lightly teases as he approaches.
Dan Heng turns and looks at him.
Jing Yuan pauses, electricity running up and down his spine because there is something different in the way Dan Heng holds himself. It’s the sternness in his lips, the tension in his shoulders, the rigidness of his form.
“I see you still speak as if every sentence must add something of profound value,” Dan Heng says.
Jing Yuan is thrown back in time.
He swallows tightly because… because…
“Dan Feng?”
“Jing Yuan,” Dan Feng says. “I suppose I should say it’s been a long time.”
“But…” Jing Yuan starts.
How? Though brief, Jing Yuan was able to talk to Dan Heng during the Irontomb crisis. There wasn’t time but Jing Yuan knows he spoke to Dan Heng. So… it shouldn’t because of something that happened on Amphoreus, surely?
This does not explain why Dan Feng is answering him now.
Dan Feng closes his eyes, letting out a small huff. “He’s quite the foolish one, my “little brother”. He has spent his entire life trying to define himself away from me and the burden I placed on him, and yet, when he discovers I still lurk in the deepest corner of his memories, he doesn’t banish me away, but instead keeps me here and claims me as his instead.”
Jing Yuan stares and stares. He knows the Preceptors tampered with Dan Heng’s memories. But this doesn’t seem quite real.
He doesn’t know how to react.
Because he’s elated. It’s Dan Feng. It’s his friend. It’s a happier time shared in the distant past. But it’s Dan Heng, and this is a dishonor to him and his life. To feel joy at the reunion of an old friend but it comes at the cost of a new one.
Is he angry? Is he sad?
Dan Feng smiles softly. It’s a small one, tainted with bitter irony. “Do not fret, Jing Yuan,” Dan Feng says. “I’m nothing more than an echoing memory.”
He presses a hand to his chest. “Dan Heng hasn’t been sleeping well. Sleep doesn’t come easy to the Express Crew it seems, especially after Amphoreus. But he was looking forward to meeting you. It was easy enough to walk his body here.”
“Dan Feng,” Jing Yuan starts. But his words fail him. He doesn’t know what to say.
“I wouldn’t change anything,” Dan Feng says abruptly. “None of my choices, no matter how much it damned everything. For Baiheng, for Jingliu, for Yingxing, for you, the choices I made, I would have made them regardless. It’s not a matter of worth. It’s not a matter of regret. I made choices and I live with them.”
He reaches out, fingers lightly stroking Jing Yuan’s cheek.
“We can't go back to the past and make better choices. But at least we can do better in the future,” Dan Feng says. “So let go of your grief and regrets towards me, Jing Yuan. Instead, enjoy the moments you have with Dan Heng.”
Then he’s gone.
Jing Yuan chokes as Dan Heng pulls his hand back and stretches. He rubs his eyes, sleepily looking around.
“Aurum Alley? When did I? Oh. Ah. Thank you, Feng-gege,” Dan Heng mumbles. He blinks wide awake, noticing Jing Yuan.
“Jing Yuan!” Dan Heng says.
Jing Yuan has no idea what kind of expression he’s making but it must be something, because Dan Heng softens.
So strange, so different. A lack of tension in Dan Heng’s shoulder, emotions reflected so easily and brightly in his eyes, a concerned pout on his lips.
Dan Heng isn’t Dan Feng.
“You saw Dan Feng,” Dan Heng says with a touch of nervousness.
“Yes,” Jing Yuan says, because he’s still grappling with his emotions but that at least is a fact.
“I have Evernight to thank for that,” Dan Heng says.
“I… do not understand,” Jing Yuan says. He doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry. If he should weep and mourn or celebrate and smile.
Dan Heng shrugs a little helplessly. “He lingers. I welcome him. We have an understanding. For all… that I like to say I am not him, there are still some things we share. The reason is different, the methodology is different but the resolve is the same.”
He reaches out and wraps his hand around Jing Yuan’s. “We can't go back to the past and make better choices. But at least we can do better in the future. I hope there are better choices but it will not change my resolve. Perhaps that dooms me in the future, just like it doomed Dan Feng, but…”
Dan Heng’s eyes are blazing. It’s so different, so similar. “They will be my choices.”
Jing Yuan caves. He pulls Dan Heng into a hug. He’s grieving, he’s rejoicing. It’s everything and nothing. His emotions are but a turbulent storm.
And like maple leaves in the wind, he lets go.