Chapter Text
“Xiongzhang.”
Wangji arrives at the odd time again, and as Xichen predicted, he is with another child. This child is about four or five years-old, with a familiar pair of silver eyes and a red ribbon in his hair. Xichen looks at the child, then looks at Wangji. The child looks at Wangji, then looks at him, back and forth for a couple times.
“Another pretty-gege?” – The child chirps, and Xichen chuckles. It is a well-known fact that the Twin Jades look alike. Even a-Yuan and a-Yi shared the same reaction before.
“Um… A-Ying?” – Xichen hesitates as he crotches down to the child’s eye level.
“Yes? Pretty-gege knows me too?” – The child smiles brightly at him. Xichen can totally see this genuine smile on the grown-up Wei Wuxian. Something never changes.
“I do.” – Xichen softly speaks. He is surprised that five-year-old Wei Wuxian is not shy from strangers. As far as he was told, around this time, little Wei Ying had already lived on the street. Or maybe it was good work from Wangji at the time that the accident happened? He turns to his younger brother; Wangji just nods, and sits a-Ying down to a cushion, while himself lower to the nearby seat. Xichen prepares tea and snacks for all of them.
“I take it as another experiment gone wrong.” – He says as he pours three cups of tea and nudges the lotus cake closer to a-Ying.
“Mn.” – Wangji nods.
“I see.” – Xichen sips his tea. – “Why here?”
For outsiders, his question may be interpreted as rude or unsupportive. For the Twin Jades, the question would be understood as ‘Why do you need me to look after Young Master Wei? You are totally capable of doing that by yourself. And don’t even bring up excuses like work or meetings, you and I are both aware where your priority lies.’
“Wei Ying needs to be at somewhere safe while I research for a solution.” – Wangji replies with his usual tone of voice, his expression is stoic, his eyes look straight at Xichen, but there is something this time that Xichen cannot get a hold of. He inwardly scolds himself for losing his ability to read his brother.
“I assume the juniors and Shufu are busy.” – Xichen sips his tea again.
“They are not. But Wei Ying and I trust xiongzhang.”
A simple line makes Xichen pause on his track. He should feel happy that Wangji entrusts the child-version of his husband to him, not like when he was their last option in the case with Jingyi and Jin Ling.
But he hesitates. Sometimes, the shadow of the past lingers and often tries to poison his mind, like at this moment.
“Why?” – Xichen blurts out. My words hurt him. My inaction hurt him. Why do you still trust me to take care of him?
“Wei Ying and I trust you.” Wangji is still impassive as ever. “Be grateful when praised. Do not break faith and abandon right. Be trustworthy, and they will believe you.”, Wangji recites, “Xiongzhang is trustworthy.”
Sometimes, he forgets that his younger brother is the perfect embodiment of the Lan Sect’s virtues. His younger brother is both his strength and his weakness. He could barely deny Wangji anything. The few times he denied Wangji’s wish have brought him much regret. He doesn’t want to close his door on Wangji again. Do not argue with your family, for it doesn’t matter who wins. Lend a hand to those in need. Appreciate the good people. Love all beings.
“Very well.” – Xichen exhales. – “I will take care of him for the time being.”
“Wangji thanks xiongzhang for his help.” – His brother says.
“There is no need for thanks in the family.” – Xichen whispers. He is contented to see a tiny spark of joy visible in Wangji’s eyes.
Wangji tells him that he will return around lunchtime, so they can share a meal together. Then, he gives a-Ying a tight embrace before heading to the Library Pavillion.
“Alright,” he turns to a-Ying, “What would you like to do?”
“Pretty drawing!”, little Wei Ying chirps and points at the warming talisman pressed on the tea tray, “Baba and mama used to make pretty drawings!”
Xichen realizes that Wei Wuxian has always been a curious kid, is eager to learn yet the mind was not nurtured to its full potential until unfortunate circumstances happened, until it is almost too late. Almost.
“Your father and mother are outstanding cultivators.” Xichen agrees, and his heart aches for the sorrowful end of the pairs. Even if he isn’t a romantic sap like Ouyang Zizhen as described by Sizhui and Jingyi, the love story of Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren still deserves respect and admiration, one that has been long overdue and slandered often. A reminder of how five poisons damage the mind.
“Um! And I will be like them when I grow up!” – Little Wei Ying excitedly proclaims.
“Indeed.” – Xichen chuckles. – “Diligence is the root. Would a-Ying like to learn about pretty drawings?”
And it immediately brings a wide grin to little Wei Ying’s face.
So, the “lesson” begins with Lan Xichen demonstrating three simple talismans for heating, for chilling, and cleaning. Little Wei Ying’s eyes spark with joy and excitement when his finger touches the teacup and feels warm thanks to the heating talisman that Xichen carefully adjusts to not cause any burn, when the liquid suddenly turns into ice as Xichen switches to the chilling one, and when the spill of dust magically disappears because of the cleaning talisman. Lan Xichen momentarily cringes at the thought that he is teaching basic strokes to their talisman’s expert using his invention. Wei Wuxian created the chilling talisman to preserve fruits and leftover food all year round (and preserve meat for Wei Wuxian so that servants don’t have to go to Caiyi town almost every day); thanks to that, the Lan’s kitchen can create more cool desserts for the summer. He created the cleaning talisman to keep clothes clean during the night hunt and assist the laundry task in the sect. Xichen was delighted to hear about these wonderful creations the first time Wei Wuxian came and described them to him.
Learning comes first.
Nurture aspirations.
Be generous.
Xichen lets a-Ying sit next to him and holds his hand to guide him the correct strokes. Then, they test a few of the practiced talismans (after Xichen’s careful review, of course), and little Wei Ying is extremely concentrated on Xichen’s explanation of how the thickness of the stroke affects the outcome. Like, with the heating talismans, Xichen lets a-Ying feel the intensity of warmth as a result from thicker strokes, and is pleased to see the realization dawn on the child’s mind. Same for the chilling talismans as little Wei Ying feels the hot tea gets colder and colder due to the talismans with bolder strokes. Xichen saves those with the thickest strokes and winks at little Wei Ying as he heads to the front porch of the Hanshi. A-Ying hurriedly rises to follow him.
Xichen throws one of the chilling talismans into the air; immediately tiny icy droplets rain on them. Little Wei Ying giggles and reaches out to catch the ice droplets on his palm. Xichen throws another heavy-stroke chilling talisman into the air. This time, the invisible moisture droplets around them turn into sparking snowflakes graciously floating in the air then land on a-Ying’s hair. Some fluffy white particles decide to land Wei Ying’s nose. Xichen reaches out his hand to playfully tap on little Wei Ying’s nose, and the tiny snow sparks melt at the touch. The child squeals in excitement, and Xichen gives a content smile at the sight.
“Pretty-gege! Your smile is pretty! You should smile more!” – A-Ying turns his bright, wide eyes at him and babbles.
“A-Ying should not call me pretty-gege. You may get confused with the other pretty gege this morning.” – Xichen chuckles.
A-Ying pouts, “But gege is pretty. You should be addressed as such. Mama said so!”. The small hands of a-Ying cup on his face as he keeps babbling about his pretty ribbon, his nice hair, his pretty face, his warm amber eyes, and his nice smile.
Xichen is stunted at the touch. It reminds him too much of the little hands of a-Yuan comforting him a few months ago. It reminds him of a-Yi happily holding to his hand when he sings about sprouting siblings and friends from radishes. It reminds him of Wangji clinging to him when they were still small.
“Xichen is my name. You can call me Xichen-ge then.” – Xichen offers. It is wishful thinking at the moment, to be called in such closeness. Because when a-Ying returns to Young Master Wei, he would be Zewu-jun to him. They have been closer, yet not to the point that Xichen deserves such familiarity from the man.
“Yes, Xichen-ge!” – A-Ying grins widely at him.
“Should we test the remaining talismans?”
Immediately, the child nods. Xichen lights up one of the thick-stroke talismans, it bursts into a small flame, and it quickly vanishes. He lights a second one, a slightly larger flame appears but it also follows the fate of the first one. He lights up the third one, which has the thickest stroke, the flame grows bigger and lasts longer.
The good news is the fire produces shiny sparkles much to little Wei Ying’s cheering next to him. A-Ying is completely absorbed by the scene. Xichen is, once again, pleased with the practical lesson.
The bad news is that the wind suddenly turns up and blows the burning sparks to the nearby bamboo bushes. Some catch on to the dried leaves and ignite.
“Opps!” – A-Ying looks at Xichen and the fainted black smoke from the bamboo leaves.
Xichen quickly throws several thick-strokes chilling talismans to drop the temperature and extinguish the small flames, then a wind talisman to eliminate the trailed smoke.
Fortunately, there was not much damage.
Unfortunately, everything was witnessed by his brother, who has just arrived with a basket of food and is currently staring impassively, unblinkingly at him and Wei Ying.
“Xiongzhang, do not create damages.”
Xichen could only gulps and awkwardly answers his brother, “My apologies, Wangji.”, while little Wei Ying bows clumsily, “We’re sorry.”
Inwardly, Xichen is grateful that Wangji witnessed it rather than Shufu. Otherwise, there might be another rule ‘Do not burn down the residence during seclusion’ carved on the stone wall dedicated to Lan Xichen.
“I will assign punishment to you both. Let’s have lunch first.” – Wangji responds.
They then head back inside the Hanshi. Various vegetables and tofu dishes are placed on the table. A small chili oil bottle is placed near little Wei Ying, just in case his child form still retains some tastebud of his grown-up self. A small spicy pickles jar is placed in front of Xichen. Xichen blinks at it as if it is an illusion, and that if he blinks enough, the illusion will disappear. Apparently not. The pickle jar is still there. So, Xichen diverts his attention back to his brother.
“This is punishment. Xiongzhang broke rule.” – Wangji replies as he stares straight to Xichen’s questioning eyes.
“I hope these radishes aren’t from Jingyi.” They grow so fast, Xichen wonders if he misses any tales about crops improvement talismans.
“Jingyi did not mind sharing.”
Xichen lets out a long sigh, “Alright. I will do a handstand while eating spicy pickled radishes later today.” He will keep some chilled water nearby, and make sure it is actually water and not some random clear liquid prior to the punishment.
Xichen and Wangji eat their lunch in silence but let little Wei Ying ramble about their day. He can see the amusement glint in Wangji’s eyes as a-Ying relays what he learnt from different stroke thickness on talismans (hence the burning bamboo accident). He sees a-Ying run to the writing desk and grab a few he practiced earlier, and explain them to Wangji with his childish voice, repeating what he remembered from Xichen’s words.
“This one makes tiny flames. If this s’toke is thicker, it makes big flames!”
“Stroke.” – Wangji corrects.
“Stroke.” – A-Ying parrots. – “If this si’il goes this way…”
“Sigil” – Wangji corrects again.
“If this… si-gil…”, little Wei Ying speaks slowly, “…goes this way, it makes pretty snows.”
“Mn.” – Wangji nods to show that he follows a-Ying’s stories, and a-Ying is too excited to demonstrate that he cannot sit still. He quickly finishes his food, then grabs Wangji’s hand to the front porch of the Hanshi and fumblingly throws a few “snow” talismans into the air.
The arm strength of a child cannot be compared to an adult, let alone the Lan’s arm strength. The snowflakes fall flatly to the ground instead of graciously floating in the air. Wangji encourages a-Ying to do it again. If Xichen happens to see Wangji sneak a wind talisman to keep the fluffy white snow fall slower, that is his secret to note down.
Xichen asks his brother about the progress to figure out the solution. Wangji closes his eyes and tells him that he is still looking through Wei Wuxian’s old notes. He asks Xichen to look after a-Ying until he finishes the work in the Library Pavillion. A-Ying eagerly agrees to spend more time with ‘Xichen-ge who has a pretty smile’, completely oblivious to Wangji’s pouting face, while Xichen complies with amusement hinted in his eyes.
“What would a-Ying want to do next?” – Xichen turns his full attention to little Wei Ying after they see Wangji off.
Wei Ying taps a finger on his chin, contemplating for a moment, “Hm… sword dances?”
Xichen stays still to digest the words. Sword?
“My mama and baba have pretty swords. They have pretty dances with them. A-Ying wants to dance like them.” – The child starts to fidget with the hem of his robes; his doll eyes stare hopefully at him.
Xichen could feel himself slightly tremble.
“It’s okay if you don’t have a sword.” – The child adds after a careful observation, and Xichen berates himself for not controlling his expression in front of the innocent mind.
“I have a sword. It’s over there.” – Xichen swallows and direct a-Ying’s eyes to the sword stand where Shouyue lays.
Shouyue has been silent on the stand for months. It is calm, it is beautiful, yet its aura is dim and mournful. Like the heart of its wielder.
“Does it have a name?” – A-Ying asks.
“Shouyue.” – Xichen replies.
“It’s beautiful.” – A-Ying gapes in awe. – “I hope my sword would be as beautiful as yours.”
Xichen gives him a soft smile, “You will.”, his mind goes to the famous loyal Suibian. The sword sealed itself after losing its wielder. The sword that never hurts an innocent soul. The sword that was never tainted with sworn brothers’ blood.
“Can you do pretty sword dances with it?” – A-Ying asks.
“I’m afraid it is against the rule to use an actual sword outside of the training field.” Xichen softly speaks, “But a-Ying can use a toy sword, and I can use a bamboo stick, how about that?”
It earns him another toothy grin. Xichen opens his storage chest and picks up a wooden toy sword that has a carving of “Yuan” on it. He still remembers a-Yuan’s bright eyes when he places the sword into the little hands. Now, he sees it again from a-Ying.
He picks up a dried bamboo branch on the ground, then lets his body slip into the posture for sword practice. His feet move in tandem with the arm movements to portray the basic Lan’s sword style. He hasn’t done such moves in months, but thankfully, the muscle memory is still there. The excitement runs in his veins as he unconsciously transitions into more complicated moves. When he finishes, the exhilaration thrums under his skin, a pure joy that he almost forgets since he accepted the Sect Leader position. Gosh, Xichen wishes to go back to good old days, when he can just cross swords or go on night hunts with his little brother.
He has tainted his sword. He can’t do that anymore.
“That’s so cool!” – A-Ying exclaims. – “Teach me please! Teach me please!”
Xichen couldn’t deny the pure joy of the child, especially when he waves his arm and his toy sword animatedly. So, he demonstrates the moves again but at a much slower pace. Little Wei Ying clumsily follows and cranes his neck to look at him constantly. His eyebrows furrow, his cheek is puffing, his lips stay grim with focus; determination can be seen clearly on his face. A-Ying is still a child, his movements are uncoordinated, but at least the swings are correct, the feet move into the right positions, so Xichen deems it astonishing in his book.
“What a potential little cultivator we have here!” – Xichen teases as he crunches down and taps on a-Ying’s nose, making the child screech. The sound of a child’s laughter is wonderful to the ears.
“Can I learn it with you again tomorrow?” – The child asks between the giggles.
Xichen blinks at the question. He did not expect that. He smiles, “A-Ying should learn from other masters, too.”
“But they said, they said you are the best!” – The child pouts in a very Wei Wuxian way.
Xichen gasps half-heartedly, “Oh no! Don’t let the other pretty gege hear you said that!”
“Why not?”
“He would be very, very sad if a-Ying considers someone other than him the best. Including me.” Xichen is currently having too much fun with it. Behave yourself. Do not exult in excess. Do not tease others. Xichen mentally recites the rules. He definitely needs to punish himself with those… spicy pickles later.
“Um… then… would Xichen-ge be alright as the second best?” – A-Ying looks at him with his big doll eyes., and Xichen laughs, “Wholeheartedly accept it.”
After the sword practice, Xichen tucks little Wei Ying in for a short nap before dinner. A-Ying falls asleep fast after a song or two. Xichen goes back to his desk to jolt down today’s memories. When the brush finishes the final character on the paper, Xichen hears Wangji’s footstep at the porch. Xichen raises his head to look at Wangji, Wangji looks at him then his eyes dart to the jar of spicy pickled radishes on the table they had lunch earlier.
“I shall begin then.”
He puts the brush down and sets the sheets aside for the ink to dry, then heads to the table where Wangji has seated properly. Xichen wraps the tail of the headband around his neck, not too loose and not too tight, so that it won’t touch the ground when he does the handstand. It was actually Jingyi’s idea when the new punishment was established, he has been very experienced after all.
Xichen opens the jar. The smell of it already makes his eyes watery. He rests his body weight on his left hand in the handstand position while his right hand holds a pair of chopsticks. The jar is placed directly beneath him. The spiciness immediately takes effect when the first piece touches his tongue. Xichen starts sweating, his face runs hot. The more pieces go in, the effect multiplies, sweat drops visible on his face, and for the first time in life, Xichen thinks he prefers Shufu’s scolding to this. The pickled radishes aren’t bad per se; they are just too spicy!
Wangji gracefully hands him a cup of chill water when he finishes. Xichen drains it in one gulp. He thinks he might understand how Lan Jingyi just grabbed whatever liquid nearby.
“H-How…is…the…re-search?” – Xichen asks in difficulty. His lips are numb, the entire inside of his mouth is burning, from his tongue to his throat, and probably down to his stomach, too. The chill water helps reduce the heat but couldn’t help lessening this suffering any faster! A deserved punishment, indeed!
Wangji impassively refills the water after Xichen drains it. “Wei Ying should be able to turn back by tomorrow morning.” – Lan Wangji says.
“Good then.” – Xichen drains his cup again.
They sit in comfortable silence again, just like the morning teatimes in the past, just like Wangji’s usual visits.
“How are you feeling, xiongzhang?”
Wangji asks this question whenever he visits recently. Most of the time, Xichen stays quiet or says, ‘I don’t know.’, ‘I’m not sure.’”.
“Managable.”, he answers.
Dinner is an uneventful affair but a lively one joined by Sizhui and Jingyi. Jingyi immediately grimaces once his eyes caught a familiar spicy dish on the table as if it brought back some embarrassing memories (It did, by the way). Sizhui chuckles and gently pats on Jingyi’s shoulders. The Lans do not speak while eating, but the talking job is already taken by the only child at the table. The tiny Wei Ying babbles to the new ‘pretty-geges’ about his day and how the second-best Xichen-ge performed pretty sword dances.
“Second-best?” – Jingyi tilts his head at the word, the rule ‘Do not speak while eating’ be damned.
“Um! Xichen-ge is the second best because Han-jun is the first best!” – A-Ying chirps. – “Xichen-ge agreed so!”
It earns a soft giggle from the juniors.
Lan Xichen darts his gaze at his brother and is pleased to notice the tips of his ears turn pink while his face is impassive as ever. His brother returns his gaze, his eyebrows slightly furrow to an expression that Xichen has soon learned to interpret as ‘Xiongzhang, do not tease’. Xichen just calmly resumes eating and drinking his tea.
They leave shortly after dinner, letting Xichen back to the quiet embrace of the Hanshi. Strangely, the quietness doesn’t feel like it’s suffocating anymore. It is rather calm and…comforting, more reflecting than regretting, more reconnecting than ignoring.
Manageable. It was his answer to Wangji’s question. Sometimes the bad thoughts circle back to his mind, but he could evade it quickly. It has been improved overall since the beginning of the seclusion. His heart seems to be lighter, his mind seems to be clearer. He even started to tease again. Xichen cannot pinpoint when it happened, but he is thankful that it did.
Xichen glances at Shouyue silent on the stand. A mere layer of dust nests on the sword. Xichen reaches for it unknowingly, his heart squeezes tightly in his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he unsheathes Shouyue, “I failed you.”
His feet lead him to the training ground, and unknowingly move into positions of sword forms. He starts with the basic forms then slowly switches to more advanced ones. The transitions are smooth, the excitement thrums under his skin.
The sword is still bright and sharp, glowing a cold shade of blue in the night, and humming faintly in his grip. As if it is speaking to him, patting him on the head and pulling him to its embrace. As if it promises to stay by his side, to have this “beautiful dances” no matter what happened.
As if it is soothing him.
As if it forgives him.
And Xichen is horrified.
There are footsteps approaching the Hanshi, then a pause, then the footsteps resume. Spring in the first ones, and caution in the second.
“Zewu-jun?”
It’s Wei Wuxian’s voice, low and careful.
The door opens anyway, courtesy of the directness of his brother-in-law. The footsteps stop in the reception area, and then pick up their pace towards the bedroom. Towards him.
The footsteps are lighter as they get closer to him. He hears the sound of fabric rustling, feels the presence of someone in front of him. Then, no more sounds, yet the presence remains loud.
“Young Master Wei,” – Xichen slowly opens his eyes and tries to curve his lips into the usual warm smile, “What can I do for you today?”
The man grins at him as if Xichen’s voice brings him some cheers.
“Zewu-jun!”
There it is, Xichen thinks bitterly, it is wishful thinking, after all.
Wei Wuxian continues, “I would like to reserve the right to address you as Xichen-ge!”
Completely oblivious to the turmoil in Xichen’s heart, completely ignorant to the rotten thoughts in Xichen’s mind, he shatters them all.
And Xichen quietly gasps, his breath stuck in his lung, his words trapped in his throat.
“I do not deserve such closeness.”, he swallows.
“It is mine to give. I can give it to whoever I want.” – Wei Wuxian replies.
“I cannot accept it.”, Xichen replies.
“Why not?”
“Because…”, Xichen hesitates, “…because… it sounds like I am being forgiven. Like I have forgotten the sins I committed.”
Like I am forgiving myself for all the wrongdoings.
The silence came after stretches long and heavy between the two men, wrapping its shadow around them. Xichen can hear birding singing outside, but he couldn’t decide whether the tunes are happy or mournful. Xichen can feel the chill air sinking to his bones despite the sun spreading the warmth around the mountain. Xichen can smell the blood even though it is not physically there… Xichen can still replay those moments in his head even though months and years have passed.
“You won’t.” – Wei Wuxian lets out a troubled sigh, “You won’t, and you never will. But that doesn’t mean drowning yourself in regret is the best way to repent. Correcting your mistake is. And if you happen to find joy along the way, simply treasure it and enjoy the moment.”
Lan Xichen is stunted by the words. After a brief contemplation, he smiles softly and nods, “I thank Young Master Wei for the wise words.”
Wei Wuxian then grins widely at him, “Good, now back at the original topic, shall we? I would like to reserve the right to address you as Xichen-ge!”
The beaming smile on the young man’s face is hard to ignore. “Do as you please then.”, Xichen sighs in defeat.
“Xichen-ge, please call me a-Xian.” The young man makes another request.
A-Xian, a-Xian… the term rolls nicely on his lips. “A-Xian, it is my pleasure.”, Xichen says, his expression relaxes into calm and content.
“Xichen-ge, Xichenn-ge, please pat my head and flick my nose, too!”
“Umm… I would have to decline that request though.”
“Awww…”
Xichen can hear a pout loud and clear there, but he doesn’t give in.
Because he does not want to deal with the vinegar smell from his own brother. (Well, not that bad but better be safe than sorry!)