constellate

by ssaemilyhotchner (doctoralhashimi)

Summary:

x. Whether before sleep or after a frustrating shift, she counts his freckles to clear her mind. Her fingertips leave little whorls of heat on his temples, his cheekbones, his shoulders.

xi. She snorts if he can get her laughing hard enough. He frequently gets her laughing hard enough.

or, fifteen things Jack learns about Samira and vice versa.

Chapter 1

"One way that we constellate meaning into the ambiguity of living is through connecting with others, bodily. To take someone's hand is to have made a constellation between the two of you. To have sex is to constellate, as is to exchange a glance across a table. Constellation is [...] the antidote to patternless-ness and potential chaos, including the potential chaos of loneliness."
— Carl Phillips

 

i. She uses the same curl cream he does. She likes working it into his hair with her chest pressed to his back; likes being able to feel the pleased sigh leave his body.

ii. Despite the many ways she has reformed her perfectionist tendencies over the years, she is fiercely competitive; for the sake of their relationship, they decide against continuing to do the New York Times crossword together.

iii. She loves the cold. He loves that it makes her huddle close.

iv. Contrary to what her ED nickname implies, she is not always slow. Comes quite quickly when he whispers filth in her ear, in fact.

v. On days when she struggles to remember the point of it all, she scrolls through her folder of @poetryisnotaluxury screenshots until she finds her favorite line from Andrea Gibson: Grief astronomer, adjust the lens, look close, tell us what you see.

vi. She gets sleepy with wine; animated with tequila; handsy with gin.

vii. With the help of vetted YouTube videos and whichever physical therapists on the ninth floor will spare her the time, she teaches herself how to do myofascial release for his residual limb pain.

viii. She doesn't own a TV, so their watch-through of each other's Letterboxd favorites—starting with Good Will Hunting for him and Om Shanti Om for her—is better suited for his place. (In the end, it doesn't really matter; they make it about half an hour into each movie before she's on his lap, panting into his mouth.)

ix. She is lethal at karaoke—a surprise to others but not to him, not after hearing her sing in his shower.

x. Whether before sleep or after a frustrating shift, she counts his freckles to clear her mind. Her fingertips leave little whorls of heat on his temples, his cheekbones, his shoulders.

xi. She snorts if he can get her laughing hard enough. He frequently gets her laughing hard enough.

xii. She smells like amber and peppercorn, courtesy of a rollerball of perfume she purchased from the vintage shop on Butler Street. He can't get enough of it and keeps her well stocked. (Sometimes, when she's away, he dabs some on his wrist to inhale as he gets himself off, loud and unabashed. She likes when he sends her videos as proof.)

xiii. She wants to adopt another cat. Her bookmarks bar is full of worthy candidates such as an orange tabby named Beans, a calico named Rosie, and a Russian blue named Saag Paneer.

xiv. She has a sweet tooth—or rather, a sour one. ("Sour candy can alleviate anxiety, you know," she says, grinning around one end of a gummy worm. He replies by taking the other end between his teeth and tugging, Lady and the Tramp-style.)

xv. She doesn't wear jewelry. He resolves to change that in one very particular way.

Chapter 2

i. He looks devastating in a suit. Admittedly, she hadn't even realized he owned one—prior to his insistence on taking her out for a nice dinner, the most dressed up she'd ever seen him was in dark denim and a collared shirt—but when he shows up in slacks stretched tight over his thighs and a wool jacket slung over one shoulder, it's a foregone conclusion that they're going to miss their reservation.

ii. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot acquire the taste for matcha. That doesn't stop him from scouring r/matcha for the best chasen and chawan to purchase for mornings she's at his place.

iii. He is a terrible patient. She has to threaten him with soft restrains ("Don't tempt me with a good time, Mira") just to give him IV fluids.

iv. He's a sucker for a good rom-com.

v. He is lousy at hiding things. She finds the ring accidentally but easily. Says yes just as easily, too.

vi. When the job begins to grate and he needs to blow off some steam, he hits the tennis courts. The sport is a welcome reminder of everything his body is still capable of. (The tiny skirts she wears when she joins him to play are an added bonus.)

vii. He loves kids. Loves being Gracie's Uncle Jack and spoiling her rotten.

viii. There had been a baby for a few short weeks, her sudden death a harbinger of Annie's.

ix. Patience is his strong suit—except when it comes to Operation. He goes from baiting Walsh ("How come you're always complaining, Em? This shit is easy!") to wholesale dismissal of the game within minutes. ("…having the winner be the player with the most money sends the wrong message anyway. What, did Gloria create this thing?")

x. He's worn the same watch since his first deployment: a Smith & Wesson Grenadier given to him by his staff sergeant.

xi. He has a birthmark on his right ass cheek. She likes digging her heel into it when he fucks her.

xii. He clings in his sleep. Half the time, it isn't even intentional—often they won't even have gone to bed at the same time—yet he'll wake with his limbs wrapped around her like vines, her every curve fitted to his. It's a more effective treatment for his nightmares than his prazosin prescription ever was.

xiii. He has no concept of proper skincare.

xiv. His self-control vanishes around anything that contains caramel.

xv. He fell first. During their private vow exchange, he reads her a few lines from the journal he keeps at his therapist's recommendation, written after her very first night shift: Every once in a while, you meet someone you're sure is going to change your life. Samira is one of those people.

Notes:

tbh half of these (like this one) are just shawn-isms lol

so grateful for all your love on this lil piece 💓 say hi on twt/tumblr

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 4 of the heart is just one bonfire