Chapter Text
Rey
I climbed the stairs two at a time, my hands shaking so hard I pushed them into the pockets of my jeans. Every time I blinked, I saw the small box with the fob in it and Ben’s earnest expression.
Finn had told me this morning how Poe had asked him to move in and I had been so, heartachingly happy for him. I still was…or I would be at least once I could get myself under fucking control.
The bedroom door banged open and I stared at the bedroom—the mussed sheets from this afternoon, the spool of ribbon now crinkled, and the small jewelry box. His gift had been the kind of thing I’d always dreamed a partner would give me. Not the necklace itself, but something thoughtful, something to show he saw me.
I closed my eyes and there was that goddamned key fob again. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d gathered up most of my clothes onto the bed, shoving them into my weekend bag.
“I’m going to assume he didn’t talk to you first about that,” Finn said from the doorway.
The arm of my sweater caught on the zipper and I jerked it free. “No, he didn’t.”
He cursed under his breath. “The audacity of straight men, I swear.”
“It was a good idea. I’m sure Leia and Han know at this point Poe asked you to move in and this way it seems like we’re on the same path. Normal people talk about moving in together, normal people—”
“Don’t give their fake girlfriends a key to their apartment in front of their parents,” he murmured taking a few steps into the room. “Rey…”
I sniffed, grabbing my leggings from the floor and shoving them in. “He should have told me.”
Finn stepped into my line of sight. “Have you ever thought maybe for him this is real? Maybe he was actuallyasking you to move in.”
A frantic laugh bubbled up inside of me and I shook my head. “I can’t let myself think like that, Finn. Hope is dangerous, it eats holes into your heart until there’s nothing left. No one…”
No one stays.
I’ve learned that the easiest thing is to be the one who leaves. I turned in a circle, trying to remember what else I needed to pack. Toiletries. Fuck, I couldn’t forget them here. I strode toward the bathroom only for him to catch me by the arm. “Breathe, Peanut.”
I shook my head. “There’s no time to breathe. Any minute now Ben is going to come up those stairs and see what’s wrong and…”
He wiped my cheek, fingers coming away wet. “Would that be such a bad thing?”
My eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t do this. Set in front of me is everything I could have ever wanted if I’d given myself permission to and it’s all a lie.”
“But what if it’s not?” he asked softly.
I shook my head again. “It is. If it wasn’t then he would have said something. He would have been clear.”
He wiped my face again. “Men rarely ever are.”
A hiccup slipped through my lips, more grief bubbling to the surface. “I need to go.”
My best friend regarded me for a long moment. “You can’t run from this forever.”
“There’s no world where he’ll chase after me,” I rasped. “This is an arrangement, Christmas is over.”
He sighed. “Christmas is tomorrow, Rey.”
“And he’s reunited with his family, plus there’s no way Leia will try to set him up now when his girlfriend just walked out on him.” My voice wobbled and another stream of fresh tears fell.
Because one day she would and he would say yes, I knew he would. I could practically see the faceless woman in this room, fresh from making cookies with his mother because she didn’t ache for one she never knew, perfectly done up and fitting in seamlessly.
“My job here is done,” I finished.
Finn stared for a long moment and finally nodded. “All right then. Grab your stuff from the bathroom then.”
He made his way to the bed while I gathered up my toiletries, taking the kit from me wordlessly, zipping up my weekender bag and throwing it over his shoulder. But before I could make for the door, he stopped me again, holding out a pen and some stationary that had been sitting on a nearby table.
“Leave him a message at least so he knows you haven’t been kidnapped or probed by aliens.”
It took me a few tries and I made sure to shove the reject notes in my pocket than risk him seeing them.
Ben—
You’re going to make someone the perfect
I wish
Please
Thank you for the best Christmas I could have ever asked for.
I wanted
Please tell Leia and Han thank you as well.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.
I lov
Rey
I folded the paper with the finished note in half and touched the necklace. It felt wrong to keep it—like he was actually an ex rather than…whatever he was. So I unclasped the delicate gold chain, leaving it on top of the note where I knew he’d find it. A haze filtered over my vision as I took one last look at the bedroom and followed Finn down the back staircase, through the mud room, and out into the yard.
“How are we leaving?”
He held up a shiny black rectangle. “Poe gave me his car.”
“He knows?”
Finn shook his head. “There was no time to explain, I just asked for his car and told him I’d be back.”
Guilt twisted my insides. “I’ve ruined Christmas for you.”
“You’ll make it up to me,” he answered lightly, pointing to the shiny black SUV parked beside Ben’s Porshe. “Also remember three years ago when I threw up all over your brand new shoes on Christmas Eve after drinking too much eggnog at the club?”
“Ugh.” I grimaced, sliding into the passenger seat while he tossed my bag in the back and joined me. “You do owe me, now that I think about it. Those were expensive.”
He tapped a few times on his phone, texting Rose I assumed, and started the car, throwing it into drive. We peeled out with a spray of powdery white snow behind us. I tried not to watch the house disappear in the rearview mirror, but my eyes strayed to it every few seconds.
To the man with dark hair standing on the porch with his hands on his head watching us leave.
Once we hit the highway Finn turned on the radio, tuning it to an oldies station that cycled through the same ten Christmas songs on a loop. The roads were clear after the snow, thank god. According to the GPS we’d make it back to the city in a little over an hour. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel and I could feel his attention flicking to me every so often, but like the good friend he was, he didn’t push.
The car screen lit up with Poe’s name.
“Finn, don’t—”
But he hit a button on the steering wheel. “Hey babe.”
“Hi love,” Poe sighed. “She with you?”
Finn hummed, flicking his turn signal to lane change despite us being the only one on the road. “We’re on our way to Brooklyn now.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. Was Ben listening? Did he care I’d left? My fingers flexed over my knees.
“All right. Text me when you get there okay?” Poe said.
Finn nodded even though his boyfriend couldn’t see him. “I will.”
“Drive safe, love you.”
His cheeks darkened. “Love you too.”
Once he ended the call I turned to him with raised brows. “Man have you been holding out on me.”
He shrugged. “Telling you all the sappy details of my relationship with Poe felt like an asshole move since you’ve been in crisis since thanksgiving.”
“Fair,” I admitted. “And though I’m still in crisis I would like for you to tell me.”
By the time we hit the city, Finn had caught me up on all the gory details of his whirlwind romance with Ben’s best friend, down to the extensive set of ass toys and lube he’d been gifted before they’d left for Connecticut. Finn had been right and wrong. Yes, there was a part of me that was jealous of the open, loving thing he had going on with Poe, but I was also happy to see my friend happy.
“It makes me feel good knowing you got your happy ending,” I murmured, resting my head against the window as the city lights streaked by.
Finn took my hand as he turned onto our street. “You’ll get one too, peanut.”
I didn’t say anything, but I squeezed him a little tighter. He pulled up onto the curb and I jumped out. “Go back to Connecticut, be with your man.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded. “Positive. I’m going to order takeout and wallow while watching Bake Off for the next three to five business years.”
He hit the hazard lights and jumped out, pulling me into a bone cracking hug. “I’m giving you until New Years and then we’re going to have a serious talk about all of this, okay? Especially your habit of running first and talking later.”
“Okay,” I rasped, throat thickening.
When he pulled away, he ruffled my hair. “Make sure to drink some water so you don’t shrivel up with your sad girl tears. And call Rose.”
I waved as he pulled away from the curb, tugging my phone out of my pocket. No missed calls, no texts—not that I’d really expected Ben to reach out. Then again… I kind of had. Despite it being an arrangement, he was genuinely a good man. I was almost positive we were friends now which made the guilt twist even deeper into my stomach.
Had it been wrong to run?
Yes, a voice that sounded way too much like Finn answered.
After I’d made it up the three flights of stairs and ordered from my favorite Thai place around the corner, I unlocked the door and went inside with a sigh. The food would be here in fifteen minutes so I had a little time to throw my clothes into the wash and change. But I spent most of that time standing in the middle of my living room, replaying the last two months in my head.
What if it had been real for him?
But if it had been real for Ben, wouldn’t he have said something? Wouldn’t he have stopped me from leaving?
The intercom beside the front door buzzed and I hit the button to let the delivery person in. I’d give them a generous tip for not only delivering so fast, but climbing three flights of stairs to deliver me my pad thai and spring rolls. When they knocked, I scrubbed my hands over my tearstained face, took a deep breath, and opened the door.
Only to find Ben standing on the threshold, my bag of Thai food in his hand.
“Hi, sweetheart.”