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Valentino pushed himself up, forcing himself to sit up in bed after an hour's worth of early morning doomscrolling. After all that had happened the previous night, he thought a cigarette might be a nice way to relax him.
He slid his fingers against the lighter, again and again to get it to work, before he glanced back to the sleeping lump of blankets beside him.
Angel had given a hell of a private performance the previous night, leaving him completely exhausted. In other nights, he tended to shift in bed and clutch a pillow to his chest, but he didn't even have the energy for that.
Long lashes brushing up against round cheeks, a light dusting of blush, lips just slightly parted... He looked so serene, so beautiful.
Valentino smiled, reaching for the key to unlock the handcuffs keeping him restrained. "Guess we got a bit carried away."
He slowly lowered Angel's arms to a more comfortable position. But the softness of skin, the warmth of his body, it made Valentino crave more. He couldn't just leave this to a small touch. It had to be more.
Valentino lowered himself, letting out a curious hum as he outstretched a finger. But he hesitated. A finger would be too much of a disturbance. He needed something lighter. After all, he didn't want to fully wake Angel. Just to get a few reactions.
A feathery antenna slid against Angel's cheek. Soft hums slipped from Angel's lips with each little stroke, encouraging Valentino to do more. Angel was just too cute, and Valentino couldn't resist wanting to mess with him a bit longer.
It wasn't a desire to disturb Angel. Valentino would never want that. But...the reactions were just too cute. Eventually, the strokes became soft pokes against Angel's face.
Boop.
The nose.
Boop.
The cheeks.
Boop.
The forehead.
Angel eventually stirred awake with a loud groan, the little pokes pulling him back to consciousness before he was ready.
"Val...? What the hell are you doing?"
"Lo siento, babycakes..." Valentino cooed, dragging his antenna against Angel's cheek again. "I just wanted to see those pretty eyes of yours."
"Needy." He scoffed, turning his back to Valentino. "Well, you're never gonna see them again. I'm goin' back to bed."
The blankets pulled up over Angel's head, returning him to the fluffy lump he was only a few moments ago.
Valentino gasped, his hands roaming across the blanket lump to find Angel's shoulders. "No! My baby...! Come back, I miss you!"
The spider groaned, his voice low. "Baby needs an extra hour of sleep."
"But I want attention now!" The moth whined, shaking Angel's shoulders rapidly.
At the commotion, the little pink loaf at the foot of the bed stirred. Fat Nuggets had always been a Mama's boy, so when seeing his mama disturbed, he pushed his way between Valentino and Angel and sat on top of Angel with an indignant huff.
"Oh, wow. Look at that. Nuggets came to protect you." Valentino remarked, a soft chuckle slipping from his lips.
Angel smiled, poking his head out of the blankets to pat his pig on the head. "Good boy, Nugs."
"Don't corrupt our son against me!"
"You'd get Queef in the divorce anyway."
Valentino glanced over his shoulder at the one member of their family who would only cuddle when it was convenient for her. He glanced at her hot pink dog bed, seeing it empty, and quickly located her new place. Queef had settled herself right into Valentino's pillow, stealing the spot as if she was simply entitled to it. Valentino raised an eyebrow. Queef huffed in response, as if daring him to say something.
He turned back to Angel with a soft huff. "No, she'd miss her mommy. We'd take split custody."
Angel chuckled. "Split custody of the pets..."
"Or," began Valentino. "We could leave one with you and one with me. Then we'd send them to summer camp and let them rediscover they were siblings."
"What?"
"Think about it. Then, they'd switch out and try to get us back together. We'd kiss in the rain and I'd travel all the way to London to be with you. They'd recreate our wedding night on a shitty little yacht to rekindle our love..." A dreamy look came to Valentino's eyes as he spoke, gazing off into the distance as if he could see this future in front of him.
Angel raised an eyebrow, bringing the blanket to his bare chest. "Well, considering 'The Parent Trap' only works if they're identical twins and the kids are nowhere near identical, it might be a bit of a stretch."
Valentino shrugged, ignoring Queef's growls as he pulled her off her pillow. "We'll pretend not to notice."
"Are you seriously pitching the idea that we'll get divorced specifically to have a 'Parent Trap' moment?" Angel grinned, watching as the quieve settled back down on her daddy's lap.
"Everyone knows the movie stopped being about Annie and Hallie when they got to that hotel. That was the Nick and Lizzie story." Valentino said, taking in the comforting weight of the quieve and stroking her head.
"This is why you can't be a parent. Because you would prioritize yourself and leave your kids as a side character."
"As if you'd be any better!"
Angel shrugged, tucking himself further within the blankets. "Oh, yeah, I know I'd be a shitty parent. I've accepted it."
Valentino tilted his head with a gentle frown, reaching out to hold Angel's hand. "I would've loved it if you were my dad."
"Ew."
Valentino paused, thinking over what was meant to be a reassurance. He soon realized what actually came out.
"...I didn't think that one through."
"No, you did not."