All I Need

by Kyyyyyyy7777777

Summary:

Stebbins and Harkness just can't seem to leave each other's orbit.
They're both frustratingly yet hopelessly in love, but they can't seem to do anything about it, including tell each other.
but when college midterms seem to bite harkness in the ass, and stebbins happens to take some of the classes he's in, he asks for his help.

Notes:

title is inspired by all I need, Radiohead
Okay so, this is my first time writing and uploading a fic, PLEASE give me feedback or tips/ideas! :)
I thought that the long Walk fandom needed some more fics so here we are
PS - this is just the prologue and the next chapter/s will have a proper plot/moment they're set in :)
sorry its short lmao

Chapter 1: prologue

Chapter 1: Prologue.
Billys pov -

 

There was very few things in this world that left Stebbins speechless, like, truely speechless. The few that made it into the top 3 were his mums jelly sandwiches, and his father's approval—and Harkness.

 

Oh Harkness.

 

Billy mother used to say it was the simple things in life that filled an empty heart; he'd never understood what that meant until he met him. Richard 'Richie' Harkness.

 

The way his eyes lit up when he spoke about writing, how his head tipped back slightly when he laughed and his smile lines deepened a fraction. Billy found himself chasing the sound as if it were his soul purpose in life.

 

It truly was the simple things.

 

————————————————————————————————

 

Billy was an observer, nothing more, nothing less. He gave his occasional 2 cents on whatever current topic his group discussed, but he was nothing more than an influence. He was merely there to encourage others to succeed. Perfect in a way that made his friends strive for a larger goal, perhaps larger than life. Stebbins had never had a problem with this, he was 'perfect' and an outsider on the inside, a walking contradiction. He'd accepted that, though lately he found himself wanting more. More than being a forgettable presence.

 

The root of that inner turmoil? None other than the soft bundle of joy and nerves himself; goddamned Richie.

 

Stebbins was fucked. He was a hopeless romantic, as his mother used to say.

 

When stebbins was 12 he fell for his bestfriend. It was childish antics, of course, but it was the first time he'd felt something for a boy (the first time he'd felt something for anyone). When he got rejected and cried in his mothers arms that same night, she'd said he had a big heart and a kind soul, that shouldn't perish or tarnish even with wear.

 

She'd be so disappointed in him now.

 

————————————————————————————————-
When billy turned 15 his mother died. Cancer. He worked his goddamn ass off to pay for treatment, always falling short, and when she eventually went, he met his father.

 

The major.

 

The cause for his childhood riddled with abandonment and self-deprecation.

 

When his father caught him staring at a boy he beat him, senseless.

 

"This house is no place for faggots, you hear me?" His fathers' words were cold, harsh, and now buried bone deep in his soul, tangled in the web of self-loathing and doubt that was Billy's mind.

 

Every day his father drilled it into his mind, along with the stark reminder that billy was a rabbit, an outsider who shouldn't stick himself where he knew he didn't belong.

 

And so, he remained on the outside. Even when McVries and Garrety slung their arms around his shoulders in an attempt to include him more than he included himself.
Even when Harkness rambled and asked him questions that Stebbins wished he could answer with more than a noncommittal nod or one worded phrase.
Even when Collie and Barkovitch made a joke that he so desperately wanted to join in on.
He would remain a spectator with a stoic face (unless you looked deeper.)
—————————————————————————————————
Harkness's pov
God, Stebbins was perfect. From the top of his head to the bottom of his legs, he was a walking painting, a work of art that Richie knew he would only get the privilege of admiring from afar.

 

Harkness radiated nervous energy laced with an innocent joy, kindness and curiosity that most people took advantage of. Till he met his group of course. His fellow peers all struggling through midterms and the war that was college. Stebbins, however, hadn't complained once. Not a single bad mouthed phrase dripping from his soft lips. Of course, it made sense. Billy was perfect, and grades were no contradiction to that.

 

Richie had been infatuated with the blonde all year, it was bordering on unhealthy. His best friend, Pete, had heard his share of the brunettes love for the man. McVries couldn't quite understand it, Stebbins was sort of grumpy, quiet, slightly snappy (at least with everyone but Harkness) but perhaps he couldn't understand because he was to wrapped up in his own love life.

 

Garrety and McVries were sickeningly adorable, somehow always tangled up in each other one way or another, usually a simple head on the others shoulder—but it never failed to make Harkness a tiny bit envious. Not that he wasn't happy for his best friend, quite the opposite, but part of him wished he had someone he could be with like Pete had Ray.

 

He wished that person could be Stebbins.

 

Harkness was a loser, atleast in comparison to his friends. Perhaps, actually, scratch that, hopefully he was less of a loser than Gary, but Richie felt that maybe they were unfortunately on the same wavelength in that department.

 

————————————————————————————————
Harkness always found some way to be close to Billy. Whether it was stealing a seat next to him at their groups lunch table, or chewing the blondes ear off with slightly nervous rambles when the others were too busy with their own conversations. On one hand, Richard worried he was annoying to Billy, but the blonde didn't seem to mind, in fact, he seemed to pay attention. The brunette found himself hanging on to that thought with a desperate grip.

 

The thing that startled Harkness was the innocence of it all. How, for probably the first time in his life, he found himself simply yearning to hold the boy's hand, or to run his fingers through the blonde locks that framed his perfect face.

 

Lately, Billy was making more than just guest appearances in his journal. Infact, he basically ran the damn thing, anyone would thing they were dating if they read it, but they weren't. Which, hurt, but considering they barely talked to begin with—unless Richie initiated it—the pain was more of a dull ache.

 

It was frustrating really, spending months pining for a boy who was so obviously out of his league and perfect and—fuck, so obviously straight. He probably hated Harkness and his insistent rambling, and honestly? He couldn't and wouldn't blame him if he did.

 

Hark was in love, a crush that was crushing, weighing down on him but lifting him up at the same time.

 

Shit.

Chapter 2: Weird Fishes / Arpeggi

Summary:

Harkness needs help studying, help that Stebbins seems willing to give him :)

Notes:

Chapter 2 is out! I did NOT proof read this so if it makes no sense, don't be surprised
Please leave comments if you enjoy, I really appreciate it :)

Billys pov:
"Hey..uh—stebbins..would you uhm, well, can you help me study for our test tomorrow..if you dont mind." His voice had been nervous, the words were fast, like he hadn't quite thought about it before he said it. It was cute, his wide eyes just made something in Billy snap—like a dam breaking.
I mean sure, it's naturally hard to say no to a friend who merely wants some help studying for a test for a class they're both in. But Stebbins had never had a problem avoiding socialising more than necessary, that is, if it wasnt him asking.

 

Now normally, Billy would say no, and to any other person? He would've, but he couldn't say no to those beautiful goddamn puppy eyes. How could anyone say no to him, honestly, made no sense. it was a miracle Stebbins didn't melt on the spot.

 

So, of course, Stebbins mouth moved faster than his brain and he said yes. Understandable, right? They share the class, Richard needs help and he could help him, that's the reason he said yes, because he likes helping people...sometimes.

 

"Yes, sure." His reply was calm, practised, at least—to the untrained eye. But if you looked close enough, you'd notice he replied to him just a beat faster than usual, and that his eyes had that slight undertone of anxiety. Truthfully, he was worried everyone could hear how damn fast his heart was beating, or how all his blood seemed to rush to his cheeks at the mere possibility that Harkness wanted, needed his help for something.

 

"Oh, awesome! I-I'm free around 5, we could do it at my dorm! or yours...or the library! whatever works for you!" It was the excitement in Harkness' voice that made Billy's breath hitch in his throat. As if he'd been expecting rejection but ended up with something better. Something that pulled that genuine smile from his face—the kind that reached his eyes, the kind that even made Stebbins mouth curl up into the slightest smile.

 

That moment kept replaying in his head for the rest of the day, on constant repeat. The slight stutter in his voice, the fact his hair was slightly messier than usual—he had it all memorised.

 

"5 is good, we can go to my dorm, I have a single."

 

One thing was for damn certain, if Stebbins was doing this, helping Harkness, he wasn't doing it in a room shared with goddamn Barkovitch. That blonde prick always got on his nerves—hell, the guy would probably snap a damn photo of them.

 

So, maybe inviting the guy he secretly loved to his single dorm was a bad idea, but he wasn't doing shit with fucking Gary in the same room. Even if that shit was simply helping Harkness study, he couldn't and wouldn't risk Barkovitch making a shitty comment about how gay it was. Because maybe then, Harkness would work out how Billy felt, and he didn't want that to happen.

 

This option was better, safer.

 

Fuck this. Truely, fuck this. Stupid Harkness and his stupid perfect hair and adorable face had finally gotten to him.
—————————————————————————————————
The rest of the day felt excruciatingly slow. With each passing moment it felt like his anxiety increased tenfold. Why would he say yes? Why would he do that to himself? Now—not only was he going to have to socialise for possibly hours on end, but he was going to have to be alone with the man who is quite possibly the love of his life.

 

The love of his life who he couldn't touch, couldn't confess too, couldn't do anything with—except admire from afar.
—————————————————————————————————
4:30
Okay, it was safe to say that he might've been panicking just a little. Help Harkness? Why did Harkness even think he could help him. Billy barely goddamn spoke, nothing about him screamed "I'll be fantastic help!"

 

4:50
He was pacing. Pacing his goddamn small ass dorm that felt like it was closing in on him. He'd cleaned his already spotless room like 5 times; it wasn't getting any fucking cleaner.

 

Stebbins wasn't a nervous person, he just wasn't. Except of course, on this one special occasion. His body was betraying him, his eyes kept looking at the damn time as if it would magically change in a matter of seconds.

 

5:04
This was it. He'd never been 'pranked' before, but he was fucking sure this would be the first. After all, there's a first for everything. Harkness said 5, right? He hadn't imagined that, right? Hell, maybe he'd imagined this entire thing and all the caffeine he drank was finally catching up to him.

 

Doesn't matter. He was sure he'd been stood up. Maybe that was an overreaction given it was only 4 minutes past 5, but it's not like Billy had come across as excited to study with Hark. Maybe...Maybe Harkness had wondered if he was annoying and decided against it, or perhaps he just didn't want to come anymore—his thoughts were interrupted.

 

Interrupted by a soft knock. As if the person was scared the door might topple over if the knocked any harder.

 

Stebbins practically sprinted to the door, tripping over the rug on his way there. Maybe he was a little excited. He opened the door with surprising force, nearly knocking it off its hinges, met with those beautiful wide eyes he often found himself lost in.
—————————————————————————————————
Richies pov:
He was nervous, which on one hand, whats new, but on the other, he was about to study with Billy. THE Billy, the one who had quite literally consumed his thoughts for the entire year.

 

The fact he'd mustered up the courage to ask to study with him had been beyond him, it was a spur of the moment thing, a split-second decision where the words were indeed faster than his thoughts.

 

So, here he was, hand hovering over the blonde man's door. He'd been working up the courage to knock for nearly 5 goddamn minutes, standing at the door like an idiot the entire time.

 

He felt stupid, a messenger bag slung over one of his shoulders, fingers tapping aimlessly on its strap. This was a massive, huge mistake. Before he could think about it, he knocked, knuckles softly tapping on the wood before he could overthink it more.

 

He heard fast footsteps and then a thud, which was swiftly followed by a muffled "fuck-" before the door swung open.

 

Met with the familiar face of his dreams looking down at him, Richie smiled. Probably looking ridiculous, but smiling, nonetheless.

 

"Hey." Billy spoke first, cutting through the awkward silence with his beautiful voice.

 

"Hey, uh, are you okay? I heard a thud.." He said, nearly stuttering over his own voice like an uncoordinated puppy.

 

"You heard that? uhm, yes. I'm fine, just tripped." His voice came relaxed, practiced almost. Harkness was jealous of how relaxed Billy always sounded, which was always such a stark difference to his nervous energy he seemed to carry with him everywhere he went.
—————————————————————————————————
Billy was smart, to say the least. But so was Harkness. To be quite frank, this was the one class he could do best, he didn't need the help, not really. Perhaps he could've spent the past hour learning more than he already knew, but instead he was intensely focused on every movement Stebbins made. How his hair fell slightly over his face, and his fingers tensed when he pointed at something in his book. Richie memorised it all.

 

He wondered if Billy had ever thought about him to this extent, ever paid attention to his movements so deeply that he could replay them in his mind. Did Billy even think about him at all?

 

He hoped he did.
—————————————————————————————————
By 8, laying on the floor was getting slightly uncomfortable. Harkness was tired, listening less intently than before and simply watching, admiring even. Only when the Blonde reached behind him to rub his back did Richie sit up again.

 

"Is it sore?" Concern laced the brunette's words, his voice soft like the breeze on a warm day.

 

"No, it's fine."

 

"Are you sure? I could give you a massage—to repay you...for helping me?" once again, the words were coming faster than his brain could move, massage him? Really? He probably sounded like a desperate idiot.

 

The blonde hesitated. Harkness had never seen Billy hesitate, he always seemed so sure of himself, always held himself with pronounced confidence. This was it, Harkness had finally done it, finally pushed to far.

 

"Okay." He said it with a nod, not breaking the intense eye contact he always seemed to make.

 

Richie moved closer, sitting up on his knees and slowly placing his hands on Stebbins back. He used his fingers in soft yet precise movements, kneading the tight knots in the man's back. Met with a quiet sigh in pleasure, Richie continued with growing confidence.

 

It was only when Stebbins practically whined, the sound deep from his throat, that he abruptly sat up, his cheeks slightly pink, embarrassment in his eyes.

 

Harkness swallowed, hands moving to sit back in his lap. He made Stebbins whine. He was making him feel nice, and despite the massages abrupt end, Hark would hold onto that fact.

 

"We should get back to studying." The blonde muttered, groggy, as if he'd just woken up from a nap.

 

Richie just nodded and went back to his spot, laying on the floor.

 

He could feel himself dozing, eyes closing every so often as he listened to the blonde speak. It was just that Stebbins voice was so soothing, and he had stayed up late studying the previous night, so now he was so fucking tired.

 

After 10 minutes of protesting it, he allowed his body to rest, the boy next to him unknowingly lulling him to sleep with his voice.

 

He would deal with the embarrassment of falling asleep tomorrow, for now he'd enjoy the comforting presence that was next to him and dream about the man he loved.

Notes:

As I said previously, I'll try and post regularly, but I posted the first chapter yesterday and chapter 2 today so I could end up writing one chapter a day or do it super inconsistently, it just depends on my mood lmao

If anyone has any tips or ideas for the next chapter I'd really appreciate it lol, as I said this is my first fic and im struggling lol

Notes:

Ill try and update often but I'm not very consistent
please comment I really appreciate it!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of optimistic failures