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Despite contrary beliefs, Choi hated award shows.
There was only so much of smiling and poorly PR adjusted jokes he could do; by the quater mark of the second hour he's usually already itching to go back to his apartment and spend the remainder of the night in the company of a good bottle of wine.
“Seriously . . . ” He grumbled under his breath as he caught sight of his irritated glare in the mirror — that expression was an oxymoron to his appearance; pristine, sharp, every strand of hair styled to perfection, each thread of the suit stitched with elegance befitting for a formal event. Choi liked to keep his appearance neat, but this was too pretentious.
Apparently lingering in the dim lit, lavender smelling restroom room for a quick sanctuary wasn't an idea uniquely his own, since he heard the door opening, closing, locking behind him. Choi lifted his eyes to the mirror, catching sight of the silhouette.
His sudden companion seemed oblivious to his presence just yet, looking at the floor with a distant look and pulling at his tie as if it was suffocating him. No introduction was needed, Choi already knew who he was.
Kim Soleum.
Solo artist, debuted last year and took the entire industry by storm. Everyone was quickly enamoured by the new face — a beautiful one at that — and even more so by his lyrical expressions (self written, mind you), beautiful ballad compositions, unique concepts and an alluring stage presence to match. Daydream Inc. had really hit a jackpot with this one; many in the beginning seemed a little apprehensive considering his debut under a huge company but Soleum presented the talent well deserving of recognition.
A monster rookie, named rightfully so.
Not to mention, his aloof behaviour kept everyone on their toes — he hardly appeared for shows, interviews, press conferences; keeping his work strictly to the studio and concerts — the only time few times he made public appearances was at the Tuesday Talk Show.
A mysterious figure was bound to attract attention; people love to pry into things they didn't understand. And an idol who didn't feed into their daily dose of parasocialism was like a honeytrap for speculations and incessant surveillance.
But today, Kim Soleum appeared nothing like the cold face on the billboards.
“Nervous?” Choi asked, his voice kept low but still managing a visible startle out of Soleum.
“Sunbae-nim.” Soleum quickly bowed in greeting, his movements jerky. “I'm sorry, I didn't notice.”
“That's alright, you seem like you have alot on your mind already.” Choi said as he grabbed the tissues and dried his hands; while letting his eyes slide down the perfect line of Soleum's blazer, settling where it curved gently around his waist before looking back up.
“It's nothing of that sorts —” Liar.
“You should answer truthfully when your sunbae asks a question, soleum-ah.”
Soleum sputtered into silence, staring at Choi like a deer caught in headlights — very befitting to his stage name, Roe Deer — and then broke their eye contact, almost shrinking into himself. Choi stepped closer, tilting and lowering his head until their eyes met again.
Soleum's gaze was shy, underlying with nervousness that Choi remembers from his own debut days. Choi kept the eye contact and straightened himself, inadvertently guiding Soleum to do the same.
“I'm afraid I'll freeze infront of everyone.” He finally confessed, almost sighing. “Or end up saying something wrong and upsetting everyone.”
“Everyone has felt that at some point, no one stepped into the spotlight already knowing how hard it'll sting in your own eyes.” Choi said as he patted Soleum's blazer to smoothen out the creases. Up close, he smelled like vanilla and something warm, like walking into a fresh bakery.
“There are going to be times that'll make you want to quit and run away, fame in itself is a curse. There are people in this industry who'll try to hound you down, even your own fans might turn onto you for something trivial.
But at the end of the day, what matters is how honest you were to your art. Stay truthful to who you, so when you sit in the darkness of your own apartment, you can bear the silence. That's all that matters, not this noise outside.”
He held the silk tie between his fingers and slowly tightened it again, fixing it snuggly between Soleum's collar again. “What's your favourite fruit?”
If Soleum seemed surprised by the question, he didn't show. “Grapes.”
“Imagine everyone in the audience is grapes.” Choi grinned, fixing Soleum's hair. “Works like a charm.”
He patted the rookie's shoulder, appearing to be a kind sunbae and then took his leave from the restroom; letting Soleum have the well deserved private time.
It didn't come to him as a surprise when Kim Soleum won the best new act, honestly it would have raised a few eyebrows if anyone other than the man who swept the world was to win. What did come as a surprise, however was the speech he gave.
The beginning was generic, some parts practiced but appearing sincere as he thanked everyone despite the reserved expression. Then just before he was about to end, Soleum took a deep breath and added —
“I felt quite nervous today, so much that I felt like I was going to pass out but a very kind sunbae-nim adviced me to imagine everyone as grapes.”
A few laughs, some coos.
“Though, that's very hard to imagine for me because everyone here has such dazzling faces but I hope that, the time I spend with everyone moving forward would be just as sweet as my favourite fruit.”
Soleum's eyes averted from a stationary spot on the crowd and landed right at Choi, a full eye contact that was unmistakable. “Thank you, for giving me the courage to stand here.”
The spotlight made Soleum's glow, almost as if there was a halo around him — a delicate painting with each stroke perfected by the artist with great detail, something meant to be admired from afar and yet equally as plaguing.
When Soleum's sombre expression split into a rare smile; the thunderous roar of the fans was nothing compared to the sound of Choi's own heart in his ears. Oh, I'm fucked. He concluded.
_______________________
Manager Ryu Jaekwan : Where did you disappear!? The fitting was today!
Choi : I have some important work, kiss kiss
Manager Ryu Jaekwan : you!!!
“Sunbae-nim?”
Choi looked up from the phone, smiling at the surprised expression on Soleum's face. The rookie half jogged down the stairs and stepped closer, inspecting him closely.
“How was practice?”
“Good.” Soleum said, though he seemed to be wondering how Choi knew that — it wasn't hard to guess, there was an exhausted hunch in Soleum's shoulders — but even more so, what his senior was doing in front of him company building; leaning against a bike.
“Wanna go for a spin?” Choi asked, holding up the spare helmet.
“...!”
Soleum considered it for a second and then nodded — before he could reach out for the helmet himself, Choi reached forward and put it on him; gently securing it. “There you go, get on.”
Choi got on first, revving the bike and waited until Soleum was seated — a respectful distance away, in his head probably but it made Choi nearly roll his eyes into his skull.
“Are you planning on flying off?”
“Huh?”
Soleum get out a small gasp, muffled as Choi reached back and grabbed his hand, wrapping it around his waist; making them press into each other back to chest.
“Hold on tight, darling.” Choi cooed before zipping through the city. He drove around for couple hours, half parts because there was certain cathartic peace in watching the city blur around them, and half parts because Soleum seemed to have lulled into sleep on his back. Choi didn't have the heart to wake him up.
Dispatch : DMB artist Choi, Daydream artist Kim Soleum captured driving around the city, sparking controversy with fans.
“This is what your important work was?” Jaekwan asked, holding up the iPad for Choi the moment he entered into the office. He pinched his nose bridge, as if expecting a headache to bloom.
“Certainly.” Choi grinned.
_______________________
Soleum pulled the mask up, fixing it above his nose bridge as he picked out the groceries — a quick trip that he'd been procrastinating since forever. When last of the coffee disappeared in his mug today, he decided to stop putting it off.
The earphones buzzed the next song on his playlist — it took a single note on the guitar for him to recognise it immediately. Choi certainly knows how to work his fingers, Soleum thought to himself ideally before realising how crass it sounded. He shook his head before the image could form.
He'd been Choi's fan since the idol's early days, dedication strong enough to spend money on merch, albums and concerts. It was too embarrassing to admit now though, so every time Choi appeared in his orbit, Soleum clenched down on his infatuation and prayed it didn't bleed into his demeanor.
Choi was quite different than what he appeared on the cameras; charismatic and lively all the same but there was a certain calm in him when it was just them. A quiet confidence that came from experience and knowing himself inside out.
Soleum could only hope to be something close to him, most of the times he felt like he wanted to pile before getting onto the stage and interactions with the fans (as amazing as they were) always made him clamp up. Being an idol isn't easy for introverts, he simply wanted to write music.
I got scammed. He grumbled, and heartily cursed Director Ho in his mind while reaching for the coffee on the top shelf. Who even put it that high up? How inconvenient.
He barely managed to brush his fingers against the pack before he felt a warm presence press against his back and froze, any hiss of retaliation dead; the earphones in his ear nearly made him blind to his surroundings too. Soleum looked up through his eyelashes to see as an arm rounded around him and grabbed three packs of the coffee.
The thief hooked his finger around Soleum''s earphone wire and pulled it out from his left ear, making him tilt his head, watching the man whose face was lowered to whisper quietly.
“You should be more aware of your surroundings, sweetheart.” Choi grinned, lowering the packs so they were within Soleum's reach; he quickly snatched them out of his hand and attempted to back away, bumped into his chest (pathetically realised how strong it felt) and then moved sideways to put respectable distance between them.
Only, since his luck was constantly failing him today, the back of his foot hit the basket laying on the floor next to him and he nearly fell backward if it wasn't for Choi grabbing his elbow in a quick motion and pulling him back to his feet, his upset gravity finding balance against his chest and the arm wrapped around his waist.
“Have I startled you, Soleum-ah?” Choi purred in his ear,“Forgive me, grapes-ie.”
“Anyone would be startled if someone creeped up on them.” Soleum huffed, trying to preserve whatever dignity he had left in him and look a few steps away; he was suddenly too conscious of his unruly appearance of pajamas and a decades old hoodie, and flip flops … out of all the days, today, he went out wearing bloody flip flops — the small bear charm on them was not helping his case, so he only hoped Choi wasn't going to look at his bare feet —
“Nice little bears you have there.”
Yeah, screw that. He wasn't supposed to run into anybody today, much less into Choi wearing cargo pants and a tight black tshirt underneath his favourite leather jacket. “How comes you're here?”
“Buy a few things for the night, grapes, please don't sound so accusetory.” Choi said as his eyes flinted down the flooded basket at Soleum's feet,“Seems like you are buying for the entire winter, huh?”
“I have been postponing the groceries for a while.”
“Evidently.” Choi said as he reached down and grabbed the basket.
“You can't steal my food.”
Choi stared at him for a moment before he said in a half resigned tone. “I don't know if you are being oblivious on purpose or you have a knack of teasing me.”
When Soleum just answered with silence, he shook his head and spoke. “I'm helping you like a courteous man, this is too heavy for you to carry, I'll take it to the counter.”
“But I'm not done shopping yet.” Soleum said as he held up the list, there were still a few items that were left to cross off and Choi nodded at him, pointing with his chin so Soleum could go around the store and pick up all the things that he needed.
“Do you have the time for helping me around?”
“Yes, I do.”
“You should value your time a bit more, Sunbae.”
“And I think you should focus on buying the groceries, baby.” Choi mused.
“I'm not a child.”
“Mhm.”
Even though the man himself didn't seem to mind and followed Soleum around leisurely, he was yet to switch the basket in other hand to give his arm a rest and Soleum's brain couldn't help the unsavoury observation creep in and curl in the corner of his shaky resolve somewhere.
Every time the thing he wanted was on the taller shelves, he would just stare at it before looking at Choi and without a word the other would simply take it down and keep it into the basket. Sometimes Choi would pause to pick something for himself.
The next twenty minutes of them were spend doing this, and at the corner of his eyes Soleum couldn't help but notice the teenage girls from earlier still lingering around the store, glancing towards them and then turning back to their group and giggling.
He didn't understand what exactly would be so funny about him — the cursed bear flip flops, he concluded with a nod — before walking to the counter and letting Choi put the basket in front of the cashier; who looked up with a bored stare and slowly began to bill everything while they stood next to each other.
“Will you like to bill those together?” The cashier asked.
“Sorry?” Soleum, who was distracted asked.
“Isn't that your boyfriend?” The cashier asked with a tilt of his head, seemingly confused.
“No.” “I wish.”
Both of them said at the same time and Soleum whipped his head to stare at Choi, who probably just realised what he said and was giving Soleum a wide eyed look; the tip of his ear slightly red before he turned to address the cashier.
“Bill them together, I'll pay.”
“No, you already helped me enough.” Soleum tried to protest but Choi had already passed his card to the cashier. In the end Choi paid for his heap of groceries and they ended up grabbing lunch together in the restaurant near by — this time, Soleum was quick enough to pay the bills first.
Twitter trending :
Choi and Soleum
Choisol
Groceries
Boyfriends
“You are a PR disaster.” Jaekwan screamed out of frustration as he swung the phone into Choi's face, his breath erratic as the phone kept buzzing with new notifications and calls from the management.
“Does PR collapse over groceries!” Choi yelled back, though his smile didn't exactly disappear. One day he'll have to pay for his manager's blood pressure pills.
______________________
“Thank you for bringing me along with you.” Soleum said as they leisurely walked through the orange garden. The last evening coloured their surroundings in bright orange and it made Soleum glow. Choi has to resist the urge to keep staring at him in fixation and creep him out.
“Don't wound me, darling.” Choi chuckled, ruffling the others hair and instead of pulling his arm away, he simply let it fall around Soleum's neck. “I thought you'd like a change of pace, the schedules lately have been intense.”
“The new album promotion and everything, it's been very busy.” Soleum nodded, and Choi momentarily felt him shiver underneath his touch, alongside the red flush on his cheeks.
“Are you cold?” He asked, already taking off his jacket while Soleum shook his head, politely trying to ward off his attempts of putting the fabric around him. In the end, Soleum relented under his insistence — Come on, you can't afford to get cold during promotional activities! — he couldn't really fight the logic and ended up wearing it.
The jacket was bigger on him, sagging around his shoulders and covering a good half of his hands. Something about the sight made Choi's gut twist.
“Stand here grapes-ie.” Choi gestured towards an orange tree looking ready to harvest and held up the camera towards him. Soleum stared at him with wide eyes for the first shutter and then for the second one he held an orange to his face and smiled widely at the camera. Drowned in his jacket, messy hair from the bike ride and all too big glasses — he looked like the perfect idea of a kiss.
“It looks so adorable, you should post this.” Choi said instead.
“You think so?”
“Your fans would love it.”
The fans certainly loved it, what they ended up loving more was Choi's subsequent posts that had the background of the same orange garden.
“They are eating it up, huh.” Choi hummed as he scrolled through his socials and glanced towards Jaekwan who was currently laying on the floor, face down and ignoring Choi. Poor thing.
_______________________
No amount of experience helped one get used to this rush, this absolute wild chase of adrenaline in his system as he stepped into the bright lights, the roaring crowds, the weights of all the sleepless nights in his shoulders. When he stood in the centre of the stage, Choi remembered why exactly he was an idol in the first place — he loved this, he loved never getting used to it.
He always wanted to keep chasing that rush.
And the embodiment of that rush stood towards the edge of the stage, adjusting himself and seemed to be mumbling something — probably words of encouragement before the performance. It was just an encore, but Soleum got nervous about the littlest of the things. It made Choi want to wrap him up in a blanket and keep him secure.
It wasn't often something caught his attention like this, usually it was restricted to his music and interactions with fans. Choi sought pleasure like a moth to candle — even if it burned him in the process of admiration, it was still worthy of being turned to ashes for. That's what gave him the reputation of the reckless idol, always in talks, always upto something.
What was an artist who didn't burn? Even Icarus was fanatic enough to chase the sun, even he laughed as he fell. And when Soleum smiled to himself, making his usually passive eyes shine; Choi understood what it felt like to have the sun just six paces away from him. It burnt him, he was falling and he didn't even resist. He couldn't.
“My grapes looks so cute.” Choi whispered under his breath, watching Soleum adjust his microphone.
The words caused a riptide of screams in the audience, nearly flinching the bones out of his skin.
Choi chuckled,“Oh you guys heard that? These new mics are extra sensitive.”
Soleum had heard it too and his head whipped in his direction and instant before a bright red colour bloomed into his cheeks; for a second he seemed completely decentered, almost missing what his manager was saying before turning his attention back to the conversation.
Choi looked at the audiences and winked, making them all go haywire.
“Soleum-ssi, are you alright?” Manager Lee Jaheon asked him, his voice monotonous and yet carrying an edge of worry.
What's his deal? Soleum wondered to himself as he stared at Choi on the stage, talking to the audience as if they were his long lost friends; completely dominating every presence around him with ease.
Everyone looked at Choi, the spotlight yearned at his footsteps. And yet he always watched Soleum.
His piercing eyes always seem to be dissecting him, picking him apart, laying him bare even though he was constantly covering him in the layers of his jacket. Choi knew his favorite cartoons, his favourite drinks, his favourite food, his dislikes, his stage frights, his next draft of songs.
How easily he managed to unravel Soleum in just a few months was terrifying and yet oddly comforting. In the industry where he has to carefully balance a facade, it felt soothing to know someone knew him for who he was.
You still don't have the right. To make Soleum's heart crack like a whip between his ribs, everything he attached his name next to Soleum's, made people whisper, made words appear more real than the were.
Choi had no right. To create a reality that Soleum wasn't a part of.
___________________
“I must say, it's been quite the task to bring you into this show.” Braun purred, his well practiced smile behind the camera as he stared at Choi with less than piercing eyes. “I'm glad you finally accepted my invite, Mr. Choi!”
“I have been very eager to be here!” Choi smiled like a liar.
He wasn't present at the Tuesday Talk Show out of his eagerness or affection for Braun, if anything they were two people on the opposite spectrum. But show business doesn't wait for rivalries to be settled — it demands numbers, engagements, interactions and something that's worthy of people's heated conversations.
When Choi reached out to Braun with a certain request, the other was quick to jump onto it. One thing admirable about the less than eccentric host was his dedication to his craft and he was ready to put aside anything for the sake of it. So Choi naturally exploited it.
“I can't necessarily blame your tardiness!” Braun returned his tight enthusiasm with equality,“Considering you have been occupied with your new album lately.”
“Oh, how come you know of it already.” Choi cooed.
“Every host worth his salt is well informed, Mr. Choi.” Braun smiled,“So tell us, what has inspired you this time?”
“I met someone.”
Braun made an approving sound at that, encouraging him with a wave of his hand to continue.
“He is shyer than a candle light, even the slightest wind makes him flicker,” Choi said, remembering the tremble in Soleum's hand right before the award show,“But he continues to burn bright, everyone seeks him, admires him, wants to bask in his warmth.”
“But candles burn out, even the sun burns out. They grow exhausted of their own fire, they burn through the thread keeping them alive. When that happens, or when the wind is too strong . . . I want to put my hand around him, to keep that flame alive for even a moment longer.”
“Because he claims I gave him the courage to stand where he does, if that's the case, I don't wish to falter at all. I will protect my muse with all my worth.”
“Mr.Choi that's quite heartwarming.” Braun said after a moment of silence, letting a pause linger between them before he continued,“What an admirable person, have I ever been graced by their presence before?”
“Yes, you have.”
“...!”
“Rather, you're one of the firsts.” Choi grinned.
________________________
choi, is that soleum's plushie!
“Oh, that —” Choi turned to look over his shoulder at the pink bunny plushie that was sitting on the sofa behind him. Soleum had forgotten it at his place, and ever since it's been sitting there. “Yes he left it here when he came over last week.”
You guys hang out often!
“Yes we do, at this point it's half his place already.” Choi shook his head as he poured another glass of wine and read through the comments that sped past faster than he could catch on. He was flicking through them when another caught his eyes — an username that was a reference to his older song, it was a name he had often seen popping up during debut day lives.
Are you dating Soleum? Do you like him?
Choi always considered doing it, but putting just a definitive tag on Soleum when he wasn't even party to it felt wrong. Sending subliminals and messing with everyone (especially Jaekwan) was one thing but admitting to something this serious was another. There were many implications and while Choi personally did not care, Soleum might.
“Are you guys trying to get me in trouble?” Choi chuckled as more such comments flooded in. “There is no such thing.”
The conversation shifted towards something else after, but Choi was only half heartedly paying attention to it. He was in the middle of talking about the latest show he's watching when the locks of his front door disengaged.
“Choi sunbae-nim.” Soleum's voice called out, his footsteps followed three breathes later. Choi caught his face in the screen, eyes slightly bloodshot and a little sway in his steps.
“Soleum-ah, what are you doing here—” Before Choi could finish the sentence, Soleum was already standing over him, pressing the exit button of the live. The screen flickered and the message popped up, declaring the abrupt end.
“There is no such thing?” Soleum asked, nearly glaring down at Choi while simultaneously having a sulky pout. The look was so devastatingly adorable that Choi nearly forgot to answer the question.
“Sorry?”
“You said there is no such thing.” Soleum continued, pressing the sleeve of his sweater and rubbing his face as if trying to get rid of the drunken haze. “You said you don't like me — then I can't make sense of your games, what are you playing at Choi?”
Oh. Oh.
Kim Soleum was watching his live. Kim Soleum, drunk and visibly disgruntled, was standing in his apartment in the middle of the night to demand Choi's explanation. The realisation always made him feel off center.
“Do you want something to exist, Soleum-ah?” Choi asked, tilting his head up at him. Soleum nearly whined.
“I like you.” Soleum said, abashedly,“I thought you liked me too — you say thing, you do things that suggested it. Have i horribly misread you?”
“After all of that if you were still going to misread me then, grapes-ie, I suggest you buy real prescription glasses.”
Silence. Then — “Ah, I hate you.”
Choi grabbed Soleum's wrist before he could move away, tugging him into his lap with easy. Since Soleum was already tipsy, there wasn't any resistance.
“I recall you saying the exact opposite just now.”
“I change my mind.”
“What will make you change it back?”
Soleum glared at him before his gaze dropped to Choi's mouth before flicking back up. When the distance between them disappeared like a lie, Choi was happy to indulge the other until he was satisfied.
______________________
“Artist of the year award goes to,” Soleum looked down at the card in his hand and smiled, his expression must have already given it away since the audience were already in an uproar. So he took a moment to savour the name as he said it,“Choi.”
Soleum watched Choi quickly shake hands with the people around him before jogging up the stage, pulling Soleum into a hug; the award momentarily forgotten.
“Do I get a kiss?” Choi teased as he took the offered award, almost making a show of stealing one while Soleum rolled his eyes, straining his neck away. “Still a tough nut.”
Soleum paused for a second, remembering the time on the stage last year when Choi made a fleeting statement and left Soleum gathering up his bearing. Now Soleum wasn't necessarily petty but getting back at his boyfriend didn't sound entirely bad.
So naturally he tiptoed and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek, making Choi freeze before looking close to combustion. Soleum winked at the audience and left the stage, leaving Choi to the spotlight.
“Well, I certainly had to win.” Choi said,“I couldn't have let anyone else have that, ya?”
In the enthusiastic spectators sat Ryu Jaekwan, who could already see the sleepless nights waiting for him ahead. This bastard.