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1.
The first time Jackie meets Shane is during his rookie year. The Boston game is cancelled—bad weather for a flight, they'll have to reschedule. For Jackie, it feels like an opportunity. Both her and Hayden had been conspiring together to get the new star rookie into their house.
"I mean, I love the kid," Hayden had said a couple days before. Jackie held back her comment about his use of kid for someone only a couple years younger than him. "I love him so much. Give him a year or two and he'll be the best player on the team—if he isn't already. He's better than me, that's for sure."
"He's a great hockey player," Jackie agreed.
"He's phenomenal." Hayden says the word as if calling him anything less is an insult. "But he's… hard to talk to. He's so focused on hockey that he probably doesn't have room in his brain for anything else. Trying to befriend him reminds me of that rescue cat your sister got last year."
Jackie remembered the creature. Artie was a nasty orange color, and he'd look like you with wide eyes, as if he was trying to memorize your face in case it was the last thing he saw.
"Maybe he's an introvert."
"Oh, he's definitely that. He'll go to a team dinner sometimes, but won't ever stay out too late."
"Think he's gone to any of the other guys' houses?"
"Nah, there's no way."
"Good," Jackie said simply. "We should be the first."
So when Hayden messaged Jackie saying Shane agreed to come, Jackie didn't mind figuring out his diet. She just wanted to meet him.
And now, Shane Hollander—one of the best hockey players in generations—sits at her dining room table.
What even is her life?
Hayden's initial assessment of Shane appears accurate at first. He sits at the table with a stiff back, and while he's clearly listening to the conversation, he only contributes when asked a direct question. Well, until they start talking about hockey.
Jackie watches his eyes light up as he gives the rundown of stats for players on the west coast—which they barely even play, and she distinctly remembers news casters talking about Hollander's "hockey IQ" and calling him nothing short of a child prodigy.
"So when do you think they're going to reschedule tonight's game?" Jackie says, trying to shift the conversation back to something a little closer to home. She's always liked hockey, and it's such a huge part of her life now that she knows how to navigate a conversation in it, but the minutiae of Shane's facts were starting to lose her.
"Probably soon," Hayden answers.
"Shame about the weather, really." Jackie bounces Ruby up and down in her lap as she talks. She always gets fussy in the high chair, unlike her sister. "I was looking forward to seeing you crush Rozanov."
"Yeah, me too." But Shane looks down at his plate the second after he says it.
Huh.
"How is Rozanov?" Jackie leans across the table as she asks. Something about Shane's expression makes her want it pick it apart. Hayden looks between them with interest, chewing on an asparagus.
Shane's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you know him more than we do. What's he like? Like as a person?"
Shane takes a bite of chicken before answering. Drinks his water. "Uh, he's kind of a dick. You know."
"I see." Jackie leans back in her chair and readjusts the way Ruby sits on her lap. "You did a commercial with him once, right?" She waits for Shane to nod in response. "Is it only on the ice or was he a dick then too?"
"Kind of." Shane shrugs, and Jackie knows that the conversation has hit a dead end. The part of Shane that opened up once they started talking hockey has closed back down again. Interesting. Jackie would have thought this would still be hockey.
What makes Rozanov different?
2.
Jackie grows to know Shane in the next couple of years, Hayden succeeding in this goal to befriend him. And just like Hayden predicted, Shane's hockey skills only grew, and he was captain of the team after only two years.
Shane has become somewhat of a staple in the Pike household, coming over often for food and company. Even the twins loved him.
Although, he's never done this before.
Jackie hovers by as Hayden opens the door to their house.
"Thank you. Seriously," he's saying. "You have no idea how much of a lifesaver you are. The neighbor girl usually watches them but she's sick, and I made this reservation months in advance."
"Of course, man." Shane steps into the house and slips off his shoes. "It's your anniversary. I wasn't going to leave you in a lurch."
"You say that now. But the twins start—"
Jackie swats him with her handbag. "Stop it! You can't scare him off. We need him!" She turns her attention back towards Shane. "Seriously, thank you. I know babysitting might not be your speed, but we really do appreciate it. There's chicken nuggets in the freezer. Free feel to let them make a mess of the playroom. We'll be back before bedtime."
Shane nods along. "Got it. You guys enjoy yourself."
"Oh, I definitely will. I needed to wear this dress one more time before it doesn't fit me anymore."
"You look beautiful." Hayden leans into give her a kiss.
Jackie found out she was pregnant a month ago. She's not showing yet, but she's feeling just about every other symptom. It'll be nice to be out of the house and feel alive again.
"Let's get out of here before Shane changes his mind," Jackie quips, letting Hayden drag her out the door.
She waits until they're in the car and started down the road before speaking.
"Do you think that Shane's ever babysat before?"
Hayden laughs. "You're asking me this after we left? I don't know. He seemed game when I called him, and the girls already like him."
"I know. But he's never spent so long with them before."
"Well, if it goes terribly we don't have to ask him again," Hayden says finally. "Now let's stop talking about my teammates on our anniversary."
Jackie is all too happy to agree.
———
When they return back to the house, Jackie is fed, happy, and a little sleepy. She's ready to put the girls to bed and then cuddle up with her husband. She opens the door quietly—her and Hayden creeping in—to postpone the twins barrelling straight towards them like they haven't seen each other in years.
Instead, she follows the sound of laughter to the playroom and peaks through the door. She nearly gives herself away with her quiet giggle at the sight.
Shane sits one of the girls' tiny chairs—so low that his knees are practically up to his ears. A plastic tiara perches on his head, and a plate of play food rests in his lap.
"Well, the chicken is a tad overcooked," he says, voice with a lofted air to it. "We might have to return this to kitchen. It's a travesty."
"You're right!" Ruby cries from the matching chair next to Shane. "A travesty!"
Jackie barks out a laugh and finally steps into the room. "Are you teaching them new words, Shane?"
Shane startles and almost falls off his chair. His face reddens, and he reaches up for the crown only to be swatted at by Jade, who's wearing her little chef apron and holding another plate of plastic food.
"You have to wear the crown!"
"Oh, Jade honey, Shane has to go home now."
The twins riot, crying out why and no and Shane has to make no less than five pinky promises to visit soon before he's allowed out of the playroom, Hayden swooping with the distraction of a bedtime story.
"Thanks again," Jackie says as she walks with Shane towards the door.
"I really don't mind. They're good kids."
Jackie smiles. "You're good with them. I wasn't sure how of babysitter you would be."
"Can't say I babysit very often."
"Really?" Jackie asks. "You don't need a side gig? We play the neighbor girl twenty-five bucks an hour."
Shane's eyebrows raise. "Expensive sitter."
"Oh, no, we give more than she asks for. Not like we can't afford it. But…" Jackie leans in conspiratorially. "The single moms in this neighborhood probably would pay a whole lot more for a Shane Hollander to watch their kids."
Shane laughs at that and holds up both his hands. "Okay, okay, don't sell me out or anything, but I'm happy to help watch the twins if you need it again. And the baby. Once they're here."
Jackie places her hand on her stomach. "A baby's a lot harder."
"I'm happy to help," Shane repeats.
Jackie smiles. "You're a good man, Shane Hollander. I'm glad you play hockey with my husband."
3.
Jackie loves hosting. She always has, which means that many a team gathering ends up being at the Pike house. And today, it's a mildly depressed bunch of hockey players watching Boston win the cup.
Jackie can't help herself from stealing glances at Shane. He's the only one left in the living room, the only one bothering to watch the Boston celebration. Jackie thinks must be like watching a car crash. You can't hardly stand to look at it, but you can't bear to look away.
It's probably worse because it's Rozanov. Jackie still hasn't figured out Shane's whole deal with him. It feels like something more than a typical rivalry. Hayden insists that Shane hates Rozanov, but he also never talks about him. Doesn't engage in the rivalry like everyone else does.
Jackie wonder if his problem with Rozanov is something more personal. Maybe he's said something awful to Shane?
Whatever it is, Jackie knows today must be hard for him, and so she keeps a close eye on him after the game. She notices when he slips away.
She finds Shane outside, looking out towards the darkening sky. He fiddles with the edge of his shirtsleeves and looks lost in thought.
"You alright?"
Shane startles. "Oh! Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just…"
"Hard seeing Rozanov win?" Jackie hazards a guess.
He doesn't answer right away, and for a moment she doesn't think he's going to say anything at all.
Then he nods. "Yes. It's hard."
"Next year," Jackie says, but she's been telling Hayden that for years now, and she knows it doesn't help. Not really.
Especially not if you're Shane Hollander. People have been saying Shane is going to win the Metros a cup since his rookie year. And it hasn't happened yet.
"He'll always have won it first, you know?" Shane nearly spits the words, more emotional than Jackie has ever heard him. "I'm just constantly being compared to him, and even if… even if I win the cup three fucking times or something, Rozanov will always have won it first." He sighs. "I know. It's stupid and childish and it's not even really why I'm upset but I—"
"It's okay," Jackie interrupts. "It's not stupid. Trust me. I'm a hockey wife—I know how important this is to you. And I know it's… different with you and Rozanov."
Shane stills. Stiffens slightly. "Different how?"
Jackie considers her response. He's starting to close off again, and she doesn't want him to. It's not good for him to… keep so much of himself away.
"Like you said. Everyone's comparing you guys all the time," Jackie starts. "Your careers parallel each other. Same draft, rival teams, captains at the same time. And then… he beats you to the cup. That's gotta sting."
Shane nods. Once. Tightly. "It does."
And so he's closed off again.
Jackie still doesn't understand why.
4.
"We broke up," Shane says simply, avoiding Hayden's eyes.
Hayden had just been ribbing Shane about Rose Landry over the dinner table. When is she coming to another hockey game? Think Jackie should invite her to the WAG gathering?
"What?" Hayden's eyebrows nearly scrape his hairline. Jackie has to admit that she's surprised too. Shane and Rose's relationship had been public, and there wasn't any mention of a break up. "You broke up with her?"
Shane shrugs. "It was mutual."
Hayden blinks. "She liked you a lot though. Anyone could tell that."
Jackie had to agree. A few days ago she'd joined Hayden at a team outing—mostly because he'd said Rose Landry was going to there, and like most people, Jackie enjoyed her movies. (Or at least her in them. Most of them were kind of awful.) The entire night Rose hung off Shane's every word, draping herself over him as much as she could. And Shane had seemed to return her affection—in his usual, slightly awkward manner.
"We agreed we were better as friends."
"Friends? With Rose Landry?"
"You don't have to say her first and last name every time." Shane stabs a green bean with his fork. "I know who you're talking about."
"Yeah, but it's Rose Landry."
Jackie chimes in now. "You know some people would say that about Shane Hollander too."
Hayden scoffs "Yeah, hockey nerds would. But everyone knows Rose Landry. Why did you break up?"
"I told you. Better as friends." Shane speaks around his green bean. "Nothing more to it."
"You're not going to give me anything?"
"There's nothing to give. Really. We broke up. Let's move on."
Jackie lets the conversation around her drift back towards hockey. Like it always does.
Some things never change.
———
Later, after Shane leaves and all the kids are asleep, Jackie joins her husband on the couch.
"So." She situations herself, back against the arm, feet on Hayden's lap. "Shane and Rose broke up."
"Mhmm." Hayden dutifully starts massaging her feet. "I just don't understand it. I thought he really liked her. And she definitely liked him."
Jackie just hums.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, you made a noise. Like… like you have a thought."
"I probably shouldn't say." Jackie closes her eyes. It's a feeling she's had for a while about Shane. The Rose thing made her rethink, but now…
"You can say anything to me. What are you thinking?"
Jackie opens her eyes again, looks up at him. "I don't know."
Hayden waits.
"Just— do you ever think that Shane could be… gay?"
Hayden's mouth drops open into a perfect 'o' and he tilts his head as he thinks. "I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, he'd tell me, wouldn't he? We've been friends for… gosh, seven years now."
"You do know what sport you play, right?"
"Shut up, I know. It wouldn't be— Yeah, it would be hard for Shane if… if he is gay, but he could tell me."
"You know it's probably not that easy."
Hayden nods, and Jackie reaches for his hand. She can almost see the gears turning in his head.
"But, you agree?" she asks. "You think Shane might be gay? I know he doesn't date. Well, besides Rose Landry. And I've never heard him talk about girls."
"Well, I would agree with you," he starts, words a bit halted. "But… there is one girl."
"Who?" Jackie almost knees Hayden in the face with how fast she sits up. She's never heard about any girl.
"I don't know, really. I've never met her. But Shane texts her. Her name is Lily. She lives in Boston, I think. He always meets up with her when we play there. But he's… cagey about it."
Jackie presses her lips together and considers. "You sure that Lily's a girl?"
Hayden makes a face. "What guy is named Lily?"
"Hayden, oh my god. It's a fake name in his phone! Maybe."
"Oh, maybe. Again, I feel like he would tell me. Shane doesn't really seem like much a secret keeper."
"Really? I've always got the impression that he was full of secrets."
Hayden makes a face. "I didn't think so. And besides… he should tell me. If he's gay and meeting with some guy in Boston instead of a girl, I want to know. He should know that."
"Well, you can't force him to tell you."
"I know." Hayden sighs heavily and leans back on the couch. "I'm annoyed at how much sense this makes."
"Yeah?"
"I didn't even consider that. But with how he acts about Lily… Fuck. It would slot a lot of things into place."
Jackie grins. "You should listen to me more often."
"How long have you been thinking this?"
Jackie shrugs. "In the back of my brain? A while. But with the whole Rose thing… I guess it feels obvious to me now. But if he ever comes out to you, don't tell him I said that."
"I won't. Of course not."
"He should never know that he had this conversation."
"He really shouldn't."
"We probably shouldn't even be having it."
Hayden shakes his head. "You're right."
"But…" A mischievous smile creeps across Jackie's face. "I kind of want to mention Lily around him and see how he reacts."
A laugh barks out of Hayden. "Of course you do. Come here."
She lets him pull her close to him. Her head rests on his shoulder, and she looks up at him.
"It's a terrible idea."
"You're right."
"But it could be fun?"
"Oh, it definitely will be."
5.
"So, you excited for Boston next week?" Jackie asks, sliding into the booth beside her husband. They're at a pizza restaurant. The kids with the sitter, and Jackie has a bit of a plan.
Shane nods. "I like playing Boston. Always a fun game."
"It's fun when we beat them, otherwise it's just embarrassing," Hayden says. "Although it's worse for you, right, Shane? Probably sucks to lose to Rozanov. That asshole."
"Yeah," Shane agrees. "Rozanov's an asshole. But we can win this game, we just need to…"
Jackie tunes the conversation out as it turns towards hockey strategy, waiting for a lull. And when it comes, she pounces.
"I bet you wish you had another game in Boston before playoffs," she says, trying as hard as she can to come across as casual.
"What?" Shane blinks. "Why?'
"Uh, Hayden was telling me that you have someone there. A… Lily?" She looks up at Hayden like she's confirming the name. Even though there's no way she'd forget it. She'd been planning this conversation for weeks.
After her performance, she turns back towards Shane and her stomach drops at the barely contained panic on Shane's face.
"I don't—" He cuts himself off. "Lily's not— There isn't—." And then his face just shuts down. "I don't want to talk about it," he says flatly.
Jackie squeezes Hayden's hand under the table. "It's okay. We don't have to. We're just curious."
"Yeah," Hayden chimes in. "And you know that Jackie and I aren't going to judge you for anyone you choose to date. I don't care who Lily is, I only want to be included in your life. And with everything with Rose not working out… I thinking that maybe you had someone el—"
"I'm going to the bathroom." Shane stands , not meeting anyone's eyes as he walks away.
"Well. Shit." Jackie says.
"That could have gone better."
Hayden sighs. "I just don't know why he's so cagey about this. I want him to talk to me."
"I think maybe we're going to have to wait for him to come to us."
Except Jackie isn't waiting. And while she can't quite put her finger on it yet, she thinks there's something more. Something that her and Hayden are missing.
If only she could figure out what…
+1
"The nurse said he was awake when Rozanov visited him," Hayden says as he walks back into the hospital room. "What was he doing here?"
Jackie looks up from Shane's sleeping body to her husband's face. "He did seem really shocked when he went down at the game. You were probably too busy throwing punches to notice."
"Yeah, yeah. I just don't get it." Hayden slumps down into the chair by bed. "Why would Rozanov visit Shane?"
Jackie hums. "We'll have to ask Shane when he wakes up. I'm going to run to the restroom real quick. Be right back."
And Jackie was planning on going right to the restroom, but the first thing she sees when she exited the room was the curly hair of the Boston center walking onto the elevator.
Ilya Rozanov.
He hasn't left yet?
The doors to the elevator are quickly closing and before Jackie can even think through what she's doing she's holding a hand out and calling: "Hold the door for me please!"
He does.
She was worried for a second that he wouldn't—that the asshole rumors about him are true, but he stops the doors and Jackie walks into the elevator.
Now what?
"You visited Shane?" she starts.
Rozanov startles. Gives her a confused look.
"I'm Hayden Pike's wife. That's why we're here."
"You are leaving?" Rozanov asks.
"Uh… I had to use the restroom." She doesn't bother trying to explain why she got on the elevator for that. Why she's going the wrong way.
Rozanov seems perceptive enough. He'll figure it out.
Sure enough, Rozanov speaks. "You are wondering why I am here?"
"A little."
"I am the captain. Felt right to check in. I'm sorry he got hurt."
"That's nice of you." Jackie tries her hardest to keep her voice even. "Do you do for anyone who gets hurt?"
He doesn't. Jackie is sure of it.
Rozanov merely shrugs. Confirmation enough.
The elevator is slow, but they're going to reach the bottom eventually. And Jackie's had something of a theory forming ever since she saw Shane fall on the ice. (Or more accurately—ever since she saw Rozanov's reaction to Shane falling on the ice.) She doesn't have much time left to confirm it.
"So you're Lily, then?" Her voice is causal. Easy even. Not accusing. Not even really a question. Just a statement. A truth.
It makes sense. Lily. Ilya. Similar enough.
Rozanov inhales sharply. "What did you call me?"
A ding sounds as the elevator reaches the first floor. The door slowly opens. Jackie hold's Rozanov's gaze. They're lucky this is a less used elevator because nobody gets on. Neither of them move.
"Am I wrong?" She lets her tone soften. Rozanov holds his body tense. Ready to fight her.
"I do not know what you are talking about."
"I think you do. And—and it's okay!" Jackie holds her her hands up non-threateningly. "I'm not going to tell anyone, I just… I had a theory and I wanted to see if I was right, and I'm… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cornered you."
Rozanov shakes his head. "I don't—"
"Please," Jackie says. "You don't have to deny it. I promise. I won't tell."
"You will tell your husband."
She shakes her head. She hates keeping things from him, but she won't tell him this… not yet. "Not unless Shane says I can."
The elevator doors open again, and a perplexed elderly couple gives them a look. Both Jackie and Rozanov awkwardly exit the elevator.
To her surprise, he doesn't run away. Instead, he turns towards her. His face is unguarded now, and Jackie sees for the first time how tired he is.
"Shane is… okay, right? He said he was, but he is…"
"High?" Jackie supplies.
"Yes. Very loopy."
"He's asleep now. According to his parents, the doctor says he'll fully recover. He'll be out for the playoffs though."
"Your team will lose."
Jackie shrugs. He's probably right, but it'd be bad luck for her to say it. Instead, she says, "Are you and Shane… together?"
Rozanov shakes his head. "Not possible to be."
"But you want to."
"Doesn't matter what I want."
Jackie frowns. "I'm sorry."
Rozanov shakes his head. "I cannot tell you anything more."
"You don't have to. You've told me enough."
Rozanov laughs a little at that—an anxious sound. He runs a hand down his face. "Da. Probably too much."
"I won't tell anyone. I know it must be hard."
"Is impossible."
Jackie is struck by the amount of emotion on the Russian's face. He's saying they can't be anything, while looking like a lonely lovesick fool.
But Jackie doesn't say that. All she does is nod. "Well, I wish you both luck."
They're going to need it. Because he's right. It is pretty much impossible. Because they're rivals. Because they're supposed to hate each other.
Because nobody in hockey is gay.
So a month later, when Scott Hunter kisses his boyfriend on the lips after winning the cup, the first person Jackie thinks of is Ilya Rozanov.
And she hopes he feels a little less alone.