Chapter Text
“Mike, are you almost ready? Lucas and Max are here, let's go!” Nancy’s voice shouts from the other side of my bedroom door.
“Coming!” I scream back. I pull on a dirty pair of white vans and throw some water on my head to smooth down the fly-aways. I take one last look in the mirror at myself, making sure there aren't any noticeable wrinkles in my green and blue striped t-shirt and blue jeans. Ever since Nancy and Jonathan got engaged, they’ve been staying at home to plan their wedding and save up for their first house. Because of this, she has been extra snappy and stressed. She’s been a pain in my ass.
I grab my dark brown leather jacket and yank it over my shoulders as I storm down the stairs. In the kitchen, Mom is dressed and ready to go to her yoga class, which she does every morning now to get out of the house.
“Has the mail come yet?” I ask her.
“Counter,” She points to her left without looking up from the eggs she’s shifting in a pan. “You really should grab a granola bar, you’re going to starve before lunch.”
“If he didn’t want to starve he’d get up earlier,” Dad calls from the living room.
“Mike! You’re all going to be late!” Nancy shouts again from the door to the garage.
“One second!” I snap, and frantically flip through the mail until my eyes land on the one I was waiting for. A letter from the University of Maryland.
“Mom, it came in!” I take a deep breath and open the envelope. All of a sudden a pang of nervousness washes over me. I applied months ago, and I really want to get in. Over the last year, I’ve really gotten into gaming technology and the science behind it all. Dustin has helped me get in touch with people with the same interests, and even let me tag along to a couple of science fairs with him. Maryland’s science program seems promising, while being only a few hours from home, but far enough to get a fresh start away from Hawkins.
Nancy leans over my shoulder. “Well? Did you get accepted?”
My eyes wander over the words: Micheal Wheeler, Congratulations! We are thrilled to offer you admission to the University of Maryland (UMD)....
“I got in! I got in, look I got in!” I run to the chair where Dad is sitting and shove the paper in his face.
“Oh, goody!” He raises an eyebrow. “Can’t wait to pay for yet another one of my children’s college funds.”
“Ted!” Mom fixes him with a glare. “This is a great achievement, it’s the next chapter of our sons’ life! I’m proud of you, Mike. So, so proud!”
Nancy hugs me. “Congrats, this is so exciting! Now that with you to show your friends, you’ve got to go.”
I run out to Lucas’s beat up gray ford, while also eyeing my own broken down red Honda sitting in the driveway. I launch myself into the back of his car.
“Took you long enough,” Lucas says.
“For good reason, look!” I hand the acceptance letter to Max. When she reads it, she lets out a squeal of joy.
“You got in!” She exclaims. “Finally!”
“I know, I was super worried because Dustin got his over a month ago,” I complain.
“You gotta tell everyone else, they’ll be so happy.”
“Yeah, I will,” I look out of the window. “Maybe I can tell the group when we all hangout this weekend? Would you guys be able to keep the secret? It’s been a while since the party has come over. I want to make it a surprise or something.”
The other two agree, and I listen to the radio the rest of the way to school and tune out Max and Lucas’s playful bickering. I can’t wait to tell Will, I have been pretty quiet about applying to college because I was afraid I wouldn’t get in and that would be so embarrassing. He recently has decided to go to the local community college to pursue his art career, which did not surprise me. It’s crazy how all of our lives are going to change in the next couple of months. My mind begins to race just thinking about it. I never have liked change, especially when Will’s family moved away. It’s been nice having him back this year, however things do feel…different.
We pull into the high school parking lot and speed to first period. I make it to my desk right when the bell rings. Will, who’s sitting in the desk beside me, looks at me and rolls his eyes.
“Late again?” He jokes.
“Lucas drives slow. I can’t wait until my car gets fixed.”
“What are you up to tonight?” Will asks.
“I have to work, but Steve sometimes lets me go early if it’s slow. I mean, how many people are going to want to rent a movie on a random Tuesday night?”
“You never know,” Will laughs. “I was just wondering if you wanted to come over and listen to some music that Johnathan gave to me. He put me in charge of all the music at the reception at his wedding, so I’m going to need some help picking out songs.”
“Okay, cool,” I agree. “I’ll call you when I’m off.”
When class begins, I doodle on the corner of my notebook page. Will and I haven’t hung out just the two of us in a long time, we did when he first moved back. However, ever since El and I broke up, I’ve kept my distance from their household, kind of out of respect to her. The breakup was mutual, El had told me that we should just stick to being friends since she was still sort of adjusting to a normal life, and that long distance really just destroyed any romantic connection that she felt. To be honest, it was relieving, because I had felt the same way. That happened when the school year started, about a month after they moved back. Since then she has flourished with a bunch of new friends now that she and Max have joined the cheer squad. I’m happy for her, and through it all we’re still good friends. At least once a month, the party meets at my place, doing things like renting all the good movies for free thanks to Steve, playing way too much Nintendo and D&D, and sneaking some alcohol in. We’re all just trying to soak in the last moments of high school before we all go our separate ways, which seems so much more real now that I’ve actually been accepted into Maryland. Like Will, Lucas and Max are going to Hawkins community. Dustin is pursuing a biology science degree in Indianapolis, which he got a huge scholarship for due to a project he did for a science competition and won. Last time I spoke to EL, she’s staying at home with Joyce and Hopper while she decides what to do. Growing up, it seemed like college was so far away, and now it’s just around the corner. As much as the thought stresses me out, it excites me all the same. I cannot wait to get out of this town and start a new chapter, but in the back of my mind, I don’t want to leave. I guess it’s just because three of us are staying here locally.
Will’s POV
I walk out of class, Mike trailing behind me. I spot El down the hall and she skips over to us. She’s wearing a blue collared half sleeve dress with little white triangles printed on it, her long, wavy brown hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.
“Soooo Will,” She says in a sing-song tone. “Prom is this weekend, are you going to ask anyone?”
“Oh, uhh,” I stutter, aware of Mike's presence next to me as he falls into pace with us. “I wasn’t planning to, I don’t know who I would ask”
“Max got the cutest proposal yesterday from Lucas,” she goes on. “I’m hoping that I will get asked, too. I do have someone in mind. Do you have anyone in mind for yourself, Mike?”
Now it’s Mike’s turn to stumble over his words. “Oh! No, I just figured I’d go with Dustin and Will, since Dustin’s girlfriend is so far away and well, I don’t have anyone I’d ask.”
That sentence both pains me and makes me happy at the same time. I suppose it would be worse if Mike did ask a girl to the dance, I’ll take the win where I can get one.
“Well, Max and I want to go to this party that this girl on the squad is hosting,” El tells us. “You both better come. Lucas already agreed to go.”
“Hopper would never let that happen,” I laugh. “We’d have to lie.”
“I know,” El groans. “That’s the problem.”
“I don’t like parties,” Mike says. “I probably won’t go.”
“You need to go to a party before we graduate, you’ve never been to one have you?” El asks.
“Well, with the D&D club…” Mike starts.
“That doesn’t count,” El stops at her locker and opens it, shoving her books into it.
“Since when have you been interested in things like parties?” Mike’s tone has a hint of judgment to it.
“I’m finally going to a school where people actually want to be my friend. My friends like to go to parties, and now so do I. They’re fun,” El tartly answers without looking at him.
“I want to go,” I chime in, trying to break the awkwardness. A party shouldn't be too bad, plus, maybe if I want to go, Mike will too.
Mike turns to me looking equally surprised as he does in El. “You want to go?”
“Yeah, Max and Lucas are going. Dustin probably will too,” I shrug. “I don’t want to be alone after prom. Why don’t you ask Dustin and Gareth at lunch? I’m sure they would be on board.”
“Dustin maybe, but Gareth isn’t that type of person, either. I guess I’ll ask. El, I’ll get back to you on that. El? Hello?” Mike snaps his fingers at El, who’s leaning her face against the edge of the locker door, attention is now towards a tall, brown haired basketball player.
“El,” Mike follows her gaze, “Seriously? Andy?”
She snaps out of her trance, slams her locker shut and leans back into it awkwardly. “What? Oh, um, I was just looking.”
“I have to go, I’m going to be late for math,” I say goodbye, Mike weakly waves and goes back to interrogating El about her basketball player crush as I walk away.
I don’t really care that she likes someone, honestly I’m glad that she does. This means she’s not hung up on Mike and moving on with her life. In Lenora, she would’ve never even thought about trying to make any new friends, let alone go on a date, Mike aside. Even though she wasn’t bullied anymore, the word got around Lenora High that she had assault and battery charges against her, resulting in a lot of people fearing her rather than befriending her. The good news is that Angela was downright terrified of her, and neither her or her friends spoke to El again unless they had to for class assignment. As for me, adjusting to life after supernatural horrors has been something I’ve been kind of struggling with. I haven’t been the most honest with the group, or even with my own family about how the last couple of years have gone for me. While still living in Lenora, I kept to myself mostly, with a couple of acquaintances in some classes but sticking mainly with El. I just didn’t feel like I belonged there. I thought that when we moved back to Hawkins, back to my real friends, I would feel complete in a way. I feel better, but it’s like this town is haunted. All of the old memories from middle school and from Vecna just came rushing back once I was back in our old house. I know that Mom was just trying to make things feel normal again, like they were before I was taken to the Upside Down. I think she’s doing really well, especially with Hopper, which I don’t mind because he’s good to her, and a father figure to me. I like having him around and I think he’s happier at his old job rather than being in the Lenora police force. It’s been a bit chaotic with Johnathan and Nancy coming back to get married, everything has been really busy around the house with them going back and forth between mine and the Wheeler’s. It’s like no one really notices me or what I’m up to, and honestly that’s okay with me. I don’t need anyone to stress over me, I can handle things myself. I hate when people notice that I’m not doing well, they treat me differently. I already feel different enough.
Lunch finally comes around, my stomach turns with hunger when I sit down at the Hellfire table. I immediately got accepted into the group when I moved back. Mike and Dustin made my acceptance non negotiable to the rest of the group, which was easy because Dustin became the president this year. I really like playing D&D with them, they’re a fun group to be around, especially Gareth, who I’ve become closer with as the year has gone on. We go to the comic store or arcade every once and a while together to hang out, it’s nice to have a new friend. Gareth knows nothing about me or what has happened to me, and honestly I like it that way, it makes our friendship simple and fun.
“Are you going to eat those crackers?” Gareth, to my left, is eyeing the saltines sitting next to some slices of cheese in my lunchbox.
“No, have at it, and the cheese too,” I hand them to him. Gareth’s home life isn’t the greatest, his parents are never around and I feel really bad for him for not bringing much food to lunch, so I always pack something extra for him to snack on. I always pretend that I packed too much though, like me, he doesn’t like to acknowledge anything’s going on or people to fuss over him.
“Hey, so some of my friends are wanting to go to this party after prom, I figured I’d extend the invite,” Mike tells us.
Dustin raises an eyebrow. “You really want to go to a party? Mike Wheeler, a party?”
“With popular people?” Gareth adds.
“Well, Lucas will be there too,” I tell them.
“He’s on the basketball team, of course he’s going. He’s been to all of them, and so has Max. Now she’s put the idea in El’s head and she wants to go too,” Mike explains.
“In Max’s defense, what's the harm in going? It might be fun,” I point out.
“Because they never want people like us at their parties, were we even invited?” Gareth asks.
“People like us? Come on, who cares about that anymore? Apparently the whole school is invited, I heard some girls talking about it last period,” I recall.
“I will say, it’ll be the last thing we can do before we graduate. What’s the worst that can happen? I’m in, as long as you guys are going,” Dustin finally says.
“Okay, I guess we’re going,” Gareth shrugs and takes a bite of his newly acquired cheese and crackers.
I’ve never been to a party with Mike, or a party in general. I never really went out in Lenora either, I preferred being inside and working on my art. Maybe this will be good for me, it’ll be one of my last chances to hang out with the group before we graduate.
My mind switches gears to the events happening that night. Mike actually agreed to come over, which I had been nervous that he would say no. We haven’t been as close as we used to be, which really hurts more than I would admit. He and the rest of the party had visited Lenora before, once around thanksgiving my sophomore year and once more during that next summer. Unfortunately things got in the way and no one could make it out to see us after that, which put a year between their last visit and moving back to Hawkins. I always wanted to go and see Mike, but plane tickets were so expensive, and Mom didn’t allow me to drive all that way even if I was with El, which I understood. Mike stopped calling as much, and eventually, I did too. Even when he did come and visit, he spent most of his time with El again, they had still been dating, but their relationship became strained as time went on. El used to come and rant to me about it, it got really bad after Mike’s final visit to California. I guess the events of freshman year really damaged their relationship, and El was more focused on herself.
I missed Mike more than anything. I remember crying myself to sleep when he wouldn’t answer the phone, I felt so far away from him, like I had lost him forever. I knew why I felt so drawn to him, but those thoughts I had were always pushed to the back of my mind because I couldn’t really do anything about my feelings then. I had no idea that I would be moving back, no idea I’d have to face him again. This year, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide my feelings for Mike now that we’re spending so much time together. I know that I should cut my losses and let the friendship fizzle out after high school, but I can’t bear the thought of letting him go. We’ve been through too much, I should be thankful that we’re back to being friends. Whatever happens, I just have to make it through the end of the year with him without saying anything or making it weird. I cannot ruin our friendship.
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
“Please, Steve, can I go early?” I beg him. “I already put away the cart of returns, and I even swept up in the back.”
“Uh, no, you cannot Wheeler,” Steve says. “I told you, I have plans with Vicky and Robin. They’re bringing one of Vicky’s friends for me to meet for a double date. Which means you’re closing up.”
“Oh, come on!” I follow him to the back room where he tosses the extra keys to the building on the desk.
“I’m using my manager privileges right now, sorry Wheeler. What’s so important anyway that you have to leave early?” Steve asks. “Also, you better not lose these keys, they’re the only extra copy.”
I roll my eyes dramatically. “I don’t think that’s how manager privileges work. Also, I’m not going to lose them, I’m 18, not 13 anymore!”
“Okay jeez, also you didn’t answer my question. Hot date?” Steve walks back up to the front counter of the store.
“God, no. Will just wants to hangout and help him with something. It has to do with Johnathan’s wedding,” I tell him.
“Oh yeah, that,” Steve inhales aggressively. “Isn’t it like, super early to be getting married?”
“Why do you care?”
“Hey, Wheeler, I’m asking the questions here, not you, coprende?” Steve fixes me with a glare. “Just go over there after. I really need this, that girl might be the one.”
“Oh please,” I groan. He says this about every girl he goes on a date with.
I go over to the phone and dial Will’s. He picks up after a couple of rings. I tell him what’s going on.
“Well, I can just come over there and hangout until you’re off. I have nothing to do. Is that okay?” Will asks.
“Of course, see you soon,” I agree.
Soon after Steve leaves, I see the headlights to Will’s green car pull in. His mom recently got a new car when they moved back, and she gave him her old one. He was so excited when he found out he was practically jumping up and down with joy and gratitude when he showed everyone at school the next day.
“Slow tonight?” Will asks as he walks in.
“Yeah, incredibly,” I tell him. “I’m sure that if I closed early, no one would even notice. Steve would kill me if he found out, though.”
Will laughs. “I can’t believe he still works here.”
“I can’t believe he still hasn’t found a girlfriend yet,” I joke.
“Hey, do you know anywhere around here that’s hiring? I really need to get another job. I worked at a diner in Lenora for a good while, it was just really boring. Everyone that worked there was much older than me and I didn’t really talk to anyone,” Will says.
“Well, we’re hiring,” I tell him. “I could put in a good word, it’s so easy you basically sit on your ass all day or sort movies.”
“Wait really? Here?” Will looks around the video store for a second. “I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Yea, it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to around here.”
“Got any applications?”
I walk to the back and grab him a sheet of paper and he starts filling it out. A part of me is excited to potentially be spending more time with him, even if it is at work. I’ve felt so distant from him recently, I don’t know what’s really going on with him. He’s been closer to Gareth and El, which I don’t mind, but it does make me a little jealous.
After I put Will’s application in the back room, I hop up on the counter and stare out into the empty parking lot outside. Glancing at the clock, it reads 9:32. An hour and a half til close. I stifle a sigh and look over at Will, who’s also sitting on the counter a couple of feet away fiddling with the extra music tapes sitting on the counter that Steve left for the stereo.
I scoot over to him and look over his shoulder, “Any good ones?”
“Yea, I like Bowie,” he hands me a tape, I take it, his hand brushing up against mine. My skin pricks slightly at his soft touch, like little electro bolts just shot up my veins. I swallow hard and hop off the counter, ignoring the feeling. I put the tape into the stereo and the song “As the World Falls Down” begins to play quietly.
Will looks down at his hands, which are messing with the edge of his tan and yellow flannel. His feet are swinging back and forth, heels hitting the back of the cabinet behind him. He looks lost in thought, and a little down. His emotions seem to radiate off of him like radio waves.
I jump back up on the counter next to him. “Hey, you okay?”
“Oh, um, yeah, just thinking,” He replies.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know,” he starts, still looking at his hands. “It’s just weird being back. It’s not the same.”
“What do you mean?”
He looks at me, his eyes locking with mine. “It’s just…different. We’re all just so…different. I guess I don’t like change.”
“I understand. But hey, I’m not going anywhere,” I inwardly kick myself knowing that I am, in fact, going to Maryland after the summer is over.
“I know, but Dustin is, and Max, El and Lucas are all doing different things, and you and I…,” He stops.
“What about us?” I ask softly.
“I.. don’t know. Remember when we had that fight in Lenora at the roller rink? I just feel like after that, we weren't the same. Weren’t as close anymore. And…even after everything was over, we didn’t really recover I guess. I just want to go back to being friends. Best friends. ”
“Of course we’re best friends, we’ll always be. I’m really sorry about that fight, Will. Not just our fight, but how I treated you after freshman year, too,” I recall our fight. I was so involved with El that I couldn’t see that Will was struggling too.
“It’s fine,” Will shrugs.
“No, it’s not. I was being a total asshole, and I should’ve called more.”
“I could’ve picked up the phone just as easily, and I chose not to,” he says.
We sit and listen to the rest of the song, neither one of us uttering another word, just sinking into the slow instrumental music and Bowie’s voice. It’s obvious to me that something else is bothering him, he just seemed close to tears after that conversation, but I choose not to question him over it. I don’t want to make things worse. Whatever he has to tell me, he will in his own time.
Will’s POV
I can’t handle the awkward silence any longer, I tell Mike, “I’ll be right back.”
I get off the counter and escape into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror at my messy brown hair, it desperately needs a trim. I run the water and push it back into place and splash a little on my face to snap out of my emotions. All I want is Mike, thoughts of him consume me, who am I kidding? I just agreed to apply to work with him. I couldn’t pass up that opportunity, but so much for keeping it cool. I have to tell him, maybe not about the fact I’m in love with him, but just the fact that I don’t like girls. Not telling him, or anyone, has been eating me alive. I suspect Johnathan knows, but I’ve never confided in him clearly about it. He’s been so caught up with Nancy that I really just haven’t found the right time, same with Mom.
A knock on the door causes me to jump. “Will?”
“Yea, sorry just fixing my hair,” I shut the water off and open the door.
“Well, I need to clean up, organize some stuff, we close in an hour,” he pauses. “You know what? Screw it, I’m closing now, Steve wouldn’t even know. Besides, he always closes the store outside of hours.”
It takes Mike about fifteen minutes to clean up various things, and I help sweep the front lobby to make myself useful. If I’m possibly going to work here, I might as well get a head start. Afterwards, I offer to take him back to my place, since Nancy dropped him off earlier. We arrive at my house around 10:15. We attempt to creep inside, but El, Mom and Hopper are all sitting in the living room watching a movie. I assume Johnathan is at Mike’s with Nancy. I tell them we’re going to listen to some tapes, mom gives the usual spiel about not staying up too late on a school night, and we disappear into my room. Mike sits on my bed while I rummage through my desk drawer to find the bag of music cassettes that I need to go through.
“How many did he give you?” Mike asks.
“Honestly, I don’t know, I haven’t gone through them yet. I just want to pick the best ones, he’s putting a lot of responsibility on me,” I say as I dump the tapes on my desk. I pick up one in particular; “Boys Don’t Cry,” by The Cure. It’s one of my favorites, along with “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” by The Clash, but I’ve been listening to The Cure more recently.
I put “Boys Don’t Cry” into my boombox sitting on my desk and it begins to play. I turn back to Mike, who’s smiling.
“I’ve heard this,” He tells me. “I like it.”
“Yeah? It’s one of my favorites right now,” I reply, sitting down on the end of my bed next to him. This would be the perfect moment to bring up what’s been on my mind. I just have to find the right words.
It’s like Mike can read my mind. “Are you sure there’s nothing else bothering you recently? I know we talked about change…but…”
“Oh, uh, it’s nothing, I’m fine,” I deflect immediately.
“Are you sure?”
I go quiet for a couple of moments.
“Will?” Mike presses.
I look into his deep brown eyes, searching for the right words. Why is coming out to my best friend so difficult? I already know the answer, but facing that truth is even more difficult to comprehend, even though it’s been weighing on me for years. God, I could kiss him right now.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I just worry, you know?” He says.
“I…just…,” I keep getting lost in his questioning gaze.
A knock on my door saves me from an explanation.
“Can I come in?” El’s voice comes from the other side.
“Yea, uh, of course!” I stammer.
El walks in and shuts the door. “Joyce and Hopper are all cuddly and weird out there, you don’t mind if I hang out for a bit before I go to bed?”
“No not at all, we’re just listening to some music that Johnathan gave me to go through for the wedding,” I say, instinctively getting off the bed and standing awkwardly near my desk. I shuffle around the tapes to give myself something to do. I slip a random tape into the player, “It’s A Sin,” by Pet Shop Boys. I’ve never heard this one before, it must be newer. Telling from the name, this will not be going into the ‘for the wedding’ pile.
“Can I get some advice?” El asks us. Mike and I nod.
“It’s about Andy. How do you know if someone likes you? I know with you, it just kind of happened but we were so young, it’s different now,” She addresses Mike. “I hope this isn’t weird to talk about with you, I don’t have to, but Max’s line was busy.”
“Not weird at all, I’m happy you like someone,” Mike replies. “I’m not really, sure to be honest, I’m not great with relationship stuff, as you know. But, I guess if someone likes you, they make excuses to be around you, even if it seems a little silly. They look at you like no one else is in the room even if you’re in a crowded room, they always smile when you speak, even if what you said wasn’t that funny. Stuff like that.”
“Oh. Andy does laugh at my jokes, but he does that with all the cheer girls,” El ponders.
“Do you actually like him, or do you just want a date to prom?” I ask her. “It’s okay if you don’t like-like him, it’s cool to just have a date, too.”
“How do I know if I like someone?” El laughs. “It sounds stupid, but I’ve only ever liked Mike, and then later it became a strong friendship, nothing like…romantic.”
“When you really like someone, like…really like…you want to be around them all the time. When you’re apart, it feels like you aren’t whole. When you see them, it’s like you’re going to melt into the floor. Your heart races when you’re with them. You notice all of their features, and fall for every single one. All of their flaws become perfect,” I stop talking, both El and Mike are staring at me intensely, El’s expression is as if she’s processing my words, but Mike’s expression looks dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open.
“Oh,” El breaks the silence.
“Sorry I got a little poetic there,” I awkwardly pick up another random tape, knocking a couple of the others off of my desk. I bend down and frantically pick them up, my heart beating faster.
“Anyway,” Mike exhales, seeming to not notice my behavior, turns his attention back to El, “Why don’t you just ask him if he’s got a date to prom? Guys like girls who are forward.”
“They do?” El and I both say in unison.
“Do they not?” Mike laughs. “I guess I wouldn’t really know, I’m giving terrible advice.”
I shakily put another tape in, “Little Lies,” by Fleetwood Mac. Jeez, did Johnathan give me the wrong pile of tapes or does he just not listen to anything romantic?
“I think that it’s good advice,” I add. “I agree, just ask him. If he already has a date, it’ll be okay, we’ll just go together.”
“Okay, I’ll do that,” El seems satisfied with that. She gets up and straightens her oversized t-shirt. “I’m going to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight,” I tell her as she departs.
Mike and I are left alone once again.
Mike is the first to say something. “I didn’t know you thought so much about love and stuff.”
“I really don’t,” I lie.
“You spoke like you…know how that feels.”
“Would it be so surprising if I did?”
“No! No, not at all, I just thought you weren’t into…,” He visibly stops himself, then finally says, “Love.”
“Well, I am,” I flatly respond.
“Okay…if you don’t mind me asking, is there someone you want to ask to prom?”
I swallow a lump in my throat. “No, I don’t have anyone in mind.”
“Oh, okay, it just seemed like-”
“There’s no one,” I accidentally snap.
“Okay, sorry,” Mike’s eyes widen and he stares at the floor.
I change the subject, “All of these songs are all over the board, it’s going to take ages to go through them all. It’s not happening tonight.”
“The wedding isn’t until July, right? You’ve got time,” Mike reassures me.
“You’re right. I guess I’ll get ready for bed. It’s late, are you staying? You can if you want. I can give you a change of clothes like old times. If not, I’ll drive you home,” I silently hope he says yes, even if that feels like the worst idea right now considering the circumstances.
“I don’t want to make you do all that, I’ll stay. Let me go call my mom and let her know.”
When he returns from making his call, I point to my closet. “Help yourself.”
As he pulls off his shirt, I have to practically rip my eyes off of him. All it takes is to catch a glance at his lean figure and low sitting jeans to completely entrance me. To keep myself busy, I go to the corner of my room where I keep my extra pillows and blankets in a basket and start making myself a little bed on the floor.
Mike appears behind me. “I sure hope that’s for me and not for you.”
“It’s for me, I just want to be nice,” I face him, unable to stop myself from doing a double take on the outfit choice. My red shorts definitely do not fit him correctly, they ride up his thighs, the Queen t-shirt he chose fits awkwardly just above his waistline and the sleeves go far up on his shoulders, exposing the muscle on his biceps. My cheeks begin to burn, I look away, stifling a snort of amusement.
“Do I look ridiculous?” Mike laughs. “I think I’ve gotten a little taller in the last couple of years.”
“Either that or I shrank,” I joke.
“Please sleep in your bed, I always used to sleep on the floor when we were younger, remember?”
“Fine,” I don’t even try to argue. I turn off the lights soon after and I slip into sleep.
My eyes open, I already know it’s a dream. A sense of dread washes over me as I take in my surroundings. I’m back in the Upside Down, a recurring nightmare. My body goes cold, I can’t move. I’m still in bed, but it’s not my bed, it’s the one in the upside down. I try to move again, but it’s so hard to breathe. I try to scream, but nothing comes out, I’m frozen. I close my eyes and try to snap out of it, like I’ve done so many times before, but it doesn’t work. My eyes dart around my room panicked, trying to steady my breath. I shut my eyes again. I’m just dreaming, I’m just dreaming, I’ll wake up soon. I pull the nasty covers over my head when I hear the dreaded noise of a demogorgon in the distance. My body keeps sinking, I still can’t breathe.
God, when will these nightmares stop?
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV ~ Wednesday, April 26th, 1989
I can’t fall asleep. The floor is so uncomfortable, but I’d never tell Will that. I keep rethinking his words earlier, about how it feels to essentially love someone. It was so real, like he’d experienced it…or is experiencing it now. I would know if he liked someone, right? He’d tell me. Sure, I know he’s emotional, but I had no idea he ever thought about love, he’s never talked about it, practically avoids the topic like it’s poison. I guess I always assumed he never really thought about it or felt it, at least until the right person came along. Why did he get so defensive about it? And why do I have this nagging feeling in my stomach when I think about him with someone? Why would I be jealous of that? I guess it’s because that would mean he’d spend all of his time with her, whoever she is, and not me. No one could know him as well as I do. I draw a sharp breath in, my stomach still twinges with that odd feeling, even when I roll over and attempt to curl up into myself. These weird feelings are getting too…real.
I sit up, rubbing my eyes. Maybe some water would do me some good. When I stand up, I notice Will’s breathing is quick. Through the pale moonlight I can tell he’s dreaming, and it doesn’t seem to be a good dream. It’s as though he can’t catch his breath, his body trembling in terror. I sit down next to him and gently shake him to try and wake him up.
“Mike,” He faintly whispers, still dreaming.
I shake him again. “Will, wake up.”
I shake him a little more aggressively this time, and finally he snaps out of it, shooting up from bed and clinging on to me for dear life. I hug him, trying to soothe him. He’s sweating badly and still shaking from the dream, whatever it was. Does this happen often?
“It’s okay, it was just a dream,” I whisper, resting my chin on the top of his head. His grip on me doesn’t weaken.
“I’m sorry,” he sobs.
“No, no, don’t be, it’s okay. It wasn’t real,” I murmur, stroking his hair sympathetically with my free hand while the other arm is wrapped around his back. He’s still shaking, and I squeeze him a little tighter. I feel his warm breath through my shirt, his hands clinging to me like he’s still trying to figure out if I’m real or not.
After a little bit he calms down, apologizes about four more times, and now we’re sitting on the edge of his bed side by side.
“I’m sorry, I sometimes just have nightmares, that’s so embarrassing. I’m not a child anymore,” Will groans.
“Stop apologizing, it's okay. Everyone has nightmares. Does this happen often?”
He nods and draws in a shaky breath.
“Is it about the Upside Down?”
“Every time. Every dream. It hasn’t stopped for years, I thought it would, and I don’t have them as often now, but when I do, I feel exactly how I did back then. It’s hard to tell sometimes if they’re dreams or if it’s happening again. I know deep down it’s not, that’s impossible, but it’s just so…real.”
“I’m so sorry Will, I had no idea,” I put my arm around him and bring him closer. He leans into me and rests his head on my shoulder.
“I just hope it stops happening soon, I hate that I’m still being reminded of it to this day,” Will cries, burying his face near my neck. I feel a couple of his tears glide down my skin and sink into my shirt. I continuously draw my hand over his back in zig zag motions to comfort him.
I hate that he’s been dealing with this on his own. He’s always trying to figure everything out alone but he has me, he has Johnathan, he has so many people he can go to that can take some of that weight off. A part of me is kind of stung that he hasn’t confided in me about all of this before, but I understand why he wouldn’t want to admit this to anyone. To him, I guess it seems like we have all moved on. To be honest, I occasionally have nightmares too, even in the present day. Mostly ones of when he was possessed by the Shadow Monster and we were trapped in the hospital. The way he was screaming is something that will haunt me forever, ingrained into my mind no matter what I do to try and forget about it. If I’m being honest with myself, my biggest fear is to lose him. He’s the only person in the world who understands me entirely.
“I’m sorry for waking you up,” Will whispers.
“No, you didn’t, I was already awake,” I assure him. “Do you want to try and go back to bed?”
“Yeah,” He lays back down, and I go to get up. He reaches out and grabs my hand, making my heart skip a beat.
“Can you sleep up here?” His eyes flash through the dark. “Well, you don’t have to. That was silly.”
“Not silly, I can,” I agree quickly. I get into bed next to him, thanking God I don’t have to sleep on that hard floor anymore. How did I do that all the time when we were kids and not die?
Will scoots closer to me, I can feel the warmth coming off of his body. I stare at the ceiling. Why is this so comforting? I feel so at ease. I look over to make sure he’s alright, his eyes are closed, his hair is a mess, covering his forehead and grazing his eyelids. That strange feeling washes over me again, more intense this time. It’s almost like an intense feeling of care? Yet it feels so familiar, like when I first saw El when she came back from being gone for over a year, almost like…love…no that’s crazy. I just care about him a lot, that’s all it is. I’ve always felt the need to protect him. He’s my best friend, of course I feel this way. My thoughts keep spinning as I drift into sleep.
I wake up to the morning light beaming through the crack in the curtains. I hear the shuffles in the kitchen down the hall, accompanied by the voices of Joyce and Hopper. I glance at the clock, it’s around 6:27. Will’s still fast asleep, his arm is draped over my chest. He must’ve shifted in the night. Still, I try not to stir or breathe too heavily, I don’t want him to move. This time he looks peaceful, I hope that if he is dreaming, it’s a good one this time. I shut my eyes again, about to slip back to sleep when the alarm clock makes me jump out of my skin. Will groans, moving his arm from my chest and shutting it off. He sits up and rubs his eyes, and I sit up too, gazing at him a beat longer than usual. How does he look so…put together…despite just waking up? His hair is a perfect, tangled mess, sticking straight off the back of his neck and curling slightly at the tips. His eyes glitter with sleepiness, eyelids fluttering for a couple of moments while he adjusts to the light. His eyes glow as they reflect the sun. He looks…pretty.
“Hi,” He smiles, his eyes meet mine.
“Hi,” I smile back, my breath catches in my throat.
“Uh, about last night, thank you. But…can we just…not mention it again?” Will asks.
“Yeah, that’s fine, if that’s what you want,” I say. “But if you want to ever talk about it, I’m here to listen.”
“Thanks,” Will gets off the bed and leaves the room.
I allow myself to fall back into the covers, the image of his tired eyes flashing through my mind once more. I drag my hands over my face, pushing the new memory to the back of my mind. I really want to know more about his nightmares and if he’s having any more issues that he hasn’t told me about, but I know that I can’t force him to tell me. I just really care about him. After last night, I’ll be keeping an extra eye on him.
On another note, something feels…different. I feel confused, and honestly I feel even more confused by the fact that I’m confused. Nothing about the events of last night should be confusing. My best friend needed my comfort, and I gave that to him, plain and simple. So why do I feel so…odd still? Of course I care a lot about will, but that feeling of concern and kindness has intensified to the point where it feels like my skin aches. He’s always at the back of my mind somewhere, it’s been more obvious this year since he’s been back. All of this has to be about the past trauma we share, it’s just because of my protectiveness when it comes to Will. Everyone feels like this towards their best friend.
Will drives El and I to school after stopping by my house so I can get my book bag and put on a pair of clothes that actually fit me. I end up putting Will’s clothes in the wash, I’ll give them back to him at some point. When we get to school, I notice that there’s more prom promotional posters and decorations hung upon the hallways. The theme had been announced a couple of weeks ago as being “Enchanted Forest,” whatever that means. School dances have never really been my thing, the only time I ever had a date was when I took El to the Snowball in middle school. Anytime after that, we just went as a group and ditched the dance halfway through to go hangout at my place. Half of me wants to skip prom, I really don’t understand all of the excitement around it, but I guess it’s different when you have someone to go with. I suppose it’ll be fun with Dustin and Will.
“Guys!” Dustin’s voice echoes down the hallway. Will, El and I turn as Dustin ungracefully runs down the hall, weaving around people while also tripping over some guy, sending him into the lockers.
“You’ll never believe the news I have!” Dustin gasps. “Suzie is coming here for prom!”
“That’s great, man!” I try to reply enthusiastically. So much for going as a group of friends.
“I can’t wait for you guys to actually spend time with her, she’s so amazing!” Dustin says, and then talks even more about how amazing his girlfriend is and what color they have chosen to wear, which is light blue.
Will is silent, smiling, but definitely deep in thought, his gaze is distant. When we break off from Dustin and enter our first period classroom, he says, “Well, I guess it’ll just be us without a date to prom now.”
“I guess so, unless El doesn’t go with Andy,” I toss my english book on to my desk and fall into the seat.
An awkward tension rises between us. I push it away by reaching into my bag and grabbing my notebook, and out of the corner of my eye I can see him doing the same. Neither of us speak again before class begins.
Will’s POV
If I were normal, and didn’t care whether or not Mike went to prom with someone or not, Dustin’s news wouldn’t have shaken me as much as they do. But I’m not normal. Going to prom with Mike has been something I have dreamed of for years, but it’s not going to happen in the way that I want it to. He seemed so disappointed that possibly we’d be going ‘together,’ basically shrugging it off like he always does. Maybe I’m reading too far into it. After last night, things have just felt so different. Embarrassment crawls under my skin. I can’t believe I had that nightmare when Mike was there, no one has ever been around when I’ve had a night terror. I’ve never had them when I slept over at Mikes when the group was staying over, thankfully. If anyone had to be there, I’m glad it ended up being Mike, but also at the same time I wish it wasn’t. Now he’s going to be worried about me when there really isn’t anything to worry about. Sleeping next to him was all I have ever wanted, I just wish it didn’t take a panic attack and a night terror to get it to happen. He was so kind, comforting…almost loving. He’s never held me like that, it made my heart soar and my chest ache. Memories of last night keep pushing their way to the front of my mind, how close he held me, how his hands felt on my back, how I was able to relax into his embrace. I’m just glad that I woke up before he did this morning, or else he would've found out I was holding onto him all night, and I would not want to explain that. It’s not like I did it on purpose, but it’s not like I moved my arm away, either.
“You’re quiet today,” Gareth’s voice yanks me out of my thoughts and I’m back at lunch.
I look up at Mike, who’s eyeing me from across the table.
“Sorry, I was thinking about the quiz I have in history sixth period,” I lie.
“Oh,” Gareth takes a bite out of his sandwich. “We have a quiz?”
I swallow hard while I reach into my bag and toss Gareth a bag of pretzels, attempting to occupy my thoughts with something else. I still feel Mike’s eyes burning into my soul. I poke at my turkey wrap, and then finally look up at him. He tilts his head to one side as if to ask “You okay?”
“Be right back. Bathroom,” I get up, unable to keep myself composed. Why does he have to pretend to care like that when he will never care for me like I care for him?
I speed-walk out of the cafeteria and down the hall, in no specific direction, just away from…that. I stop in front of an old trophy case near the back of the school, which has a huge green and blue hand painted prom poster taped to the front of it. I lean up against it carefully, trying not to wrinkle the poster paper and ruin the artist’s work. The light above had gone out, dimming the hallway.
“This doesn’t look like the bathroom,” A voice says quietly a little down the hall. I turn to see Gareth.
“Why did you follow me?”
“I was worried, you practically ran out of the lunch room,” Gareth makes it to my side in a couple of paces.
“Just got overwhelmed I guess,” I mutter.
“Want to talk about it?”
I bite my lip. I do, I want to more than anything, but he wouldn’t understand the half of it.
“I just feel really out of place,” I whisper.
“I understand,” Gareth replies.
“No, you don’t.”
“Why not? I do get picked on all the time too, you know? You heard that guy call me a slur the other day,” Gareth argues, his tone soft.
“And people still call me zombie boy. And slurs, too,” I sigh, choosing to sit down on the floor and lean my head back on the glass poking out from under the poster.
Gareth slides down beside me, “You can’t let those things bother you, you know? It doesn’t matter what they say.”
“It does.”
“Why?”
I look at him, blinking my tears back. “Because they’re right.”
Gareth looks at the floor for a moment and then leans towards me slightly and murmurs, “They’re right about me, too.”
“...what?” I breathe.
“Come on, Will, look at me. It’s obvious I don’t like girls. I thought you knew, everyone knows” Gareth laughs.
“Gareth…I-I really didn’t know,” relief seeps into my mind, it’s so comforting knowing that there’s someone else that exists around me that feels even a little bit like I do.
“I mean, I don’t broadcast it. Still, people know and I don’t care. Not like I’ll see any of these people again after high school,” Gareth chuckles. “But yeah, I guess I never really have liked girls. It just kind of dawned on me one day.”
“Same,” I search his gaze for a reaction, all I see is kindness.
“Come here, it’ll be okay,” he wraps his arms around me in a hug. I lay my head on his shoulder, nose brushing up against his neck. He smells subtly like cologne, cigarettes, and pine shampoo. I lean back, we meet eyes again, I can feel my heart beating faster. I’ve never been this close to him. We’re only an inch apart, I can feel his breath coming out of his nose on my cheek. His intense eyes break away from mine for a split second, darting down and looking back up at me.
“Uh w-we should get back,” I stammer, and tear myself away from him. “So they don’t worry.”
“Y-yeah, of course, let's go,” Gareth gets up and helps me to my feet.
As we walk back to the lunch room, I can barely keep my thoughts in line. I can’t believe I just contemplated kissing Gareth. What is wrong with me? I mean, now that I know we’re both gay, it wouldn’t be…wrong…because I’m pretty sure he wanted to kiss me. And the truth is, I don’t think I would have stopped him.
When we get back to our lunch table, Mike gives me an inquisitive look, I shake my head to try and telepathically tell him ‘don’t ask.’ I purposely sit a little further from Gareth when we sit back down to avoid suspicion. I stare at my food, not hungry anymore.
Screams of excitement erupt from the other end of the room, where the cheerleaders are sitting. Max and El are standing in front of Andy, who’s holding up a very poorly written sign that says ‘PROM??’ followed by a couple of misshapen hearts. Not much effort if you ask me, but at least he asked. Maybe as a non-artist, that’s his best work yet. Max probably told him about El’s crush on him. I snatch a look at Mike, whose expression is both unreadable and shocked, Dustin is smiling ear to ear and Gareth rolls his eyes.
“Your sister really is now popular, if Andy’s asking her out. Hopefully he’s being genuine,” Gareth tells me.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, happy for her, but also a little bit sad for myself. I’ll never be able to feel that way for a promposal, people like me can’t just publicize their feelings due to the nature of the social climate. The world just doesn’t work that way, unfortunately.
Max runs up to our table once the noise dies down, El is still over talking to Andy.
“I can’t believe he asked so quickly!” Max exclaims.
“Did you put him up to this? Does he even like her?” Mike asks, his tone scathingly judgmental.
“Yes, he actually does,” Max scowls. “Why, are you jealous or something?”
“No, just surprised, that’s all,” Mike shrugs and looks at the table.
“Oh, so you think it was unattainable that she gets a date to prom, is that it?” Max raises an eyebrow.
Mike’s brows furrow and his jaw drops, “What? No! I just didn’t expect someone from the basketball team to ask her, that’s all.”
“It’s not a prank, he wants to take her. I wouldn’t set her up for failure. Yes, he was an asshole a couple of years ago but he’s trying to be better, he told me himself. I made sure they’d be a good fit for prom,” Max looks at me, Dustin, and Gareth as if daring us to say something as well.
“Well, I think it’s great,” Dustin adds awkwardly.
After Max leaves, Dustin looks at Mike and grits his teeth, “Dude, what was that?”
“What was what?” Mike plays dumb.
“Never mind, man. You have to realize El’s popular now, it’s not a shock that a basketball player asks a cheerleader to prom,” Dustin widens his eyes and waves his hands around dramatically, “The world isn’t going to end.”
The bell rings, and I make my exit from this situation to go talk to El before we go to class. As we walk, she raves about how excited she is to go to prom now that she’s secured her date. I express how happy I am for her and then make my way to my locker. When I shut the locker door, it reveals Mike standing behind it, and I jump out of my skin.
“What was all that about back there?” Mike presses. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on now, but I’m worried about you.”
I’m getting really sick and tired of this conversation.
“It’s nothing, Mike,” I turn away from him and start walking down the hall towards the art room.
“Really? Because you looked like you were going to throw up earlier,” Mike continues to push it.
“Mike!” I turn on him. “Sometimes, I don’t want to tell you things, okay? It’s nothing personal, but you wouldn’t understand.”
“But Gareth does?”
I roll my eyes, “Yes, actually, he does. It’s hard to explain, but trust me, I’ll tell you later. I just can’t explain it right now. I have to go, I have a project critique today, I can’t be late.”
“I’ve known you for over a decade, you can tell me anything. But I’ll drop it if that’s what you want.”
“Please do! I have to go, sorry,” I turn and dart into the art room. I can’t do this right now.
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
After school, I hitch a ride with Lucas to work. When I get there, Steve puts me to the task of stocking the shelves with the entire returns cart while he does some ‘work’ on the computer. He tells me it’s manager stuff but I think he just sits there and waves the mouse around so he doesn’t have to do any real work. While stocking, I can’t get Will’s behavior today out of my head. He was acting so weird, I feel bad that I kept questioning him but there was a time when he told me everything. I didn’t know about the nightmares, and now there’s something else bothering him and he won’t tell me. I have a feeling that the nightmares and the way he acted today aren’t connected, but I can’t rule it out either. However, I feel like he’s keeping secrets from me, which he never used to do before. I know we haven’t exactly been that close when he lived in Lenora, but we just shared a bed last night so I feel as though we’re best friends again, but I guess not enough for him to confide in me. And why Gareth, what could he possibly know to make Will more comfortable with him, they’ve known each other for a few months. He should be confiding in me. He should be comfortable with me. I'm his best friend.
“Are you dreaming over there Wheeler?” Steve yanks me out of my thoughts. “I called your name like three times, come here.”
I walk over to him and he puts a piece of paper on the counter. It’s Will’s application.
“I’m going to call him and tell him he’s hired,” Steve tells me. “He’s responsible and all that good stuff, plus, this gives me another closer.”
“Great,” I nod stiffly.
“What? Do you not want me to? You gave him this yourself.”
“No, no it’s not that,” I sigh. “He’s just acting weird lately. Maybe it’s nothing, I’m probably overthinking it.”
“Okay, whatever you say,” Steve picks the phone up.
I walk back over to where I was stocking and listen into Steve’s side of the conversation.
“Yeah…yeah…no interview needed Byers, you’re good…you know if you want to come in tonight, I could train you…yeah this job is easy peasy…perfect, see you soon.”
“Really, Steve?” I grimace at him.
“You just said you were overthinking, didn’t you?” Steve argues. “Exposure to the problem solves it faster.”
“Oh, like your woman problem? How’d that go last night, by the way?” I counter.
Steve’s eyes harden into a glare, “Get back to work!”
About an hour later, Will shows up. When he sees me, his face falls a little. My heart sinks, is he really still upset about earlier? Steve puts him up front checking out customers while I help random people pick out movies for the night. For a while, we’re able to avoid each other. But when the rush dies down, it becomes increasingly difficult. Soon I find myself leaning on the counter while he sorts through some tapes some lady just dropped off. He lays them on the returns cart and leans back on the counter next to me.
“Hey, uh, I’m sorry about earlier,” I begin, not really knowing what else to say but this tension between us is killing me.
“It’s fine, I was being dramatic,” Will replies.
“No, I was being dumb. You don’t have to tell me everything.”
“I know, it really is nothing. If it was, I’d tell you,” Will runs his fingers over the edge of the countertop carelessly.
“Okay,” I answer, dropping it, even though I can tell he’s lying.
“Do you want to come over after school tomorrow? I’m off, and I’m sure Steve won’t make you work if you ask.”
Will looks at me and smiles. “Okay, I can drive you after school.”
I agree, and soon Steve comes out of the back office and gives us something to do. I feel like it was a good move to invite Will over, maybe if I spend more time with him, be a good friend, it’ll help whatever’s going on with him. I just want to help him, even though it’s hard to help him when I have no idea what the problem is.
Thursday, April 27th, 1989
The next day passes slowly at school. El and Andy are now walking down the hall together with Max and Lucas, it’s weird to see. Not that I’m jealous in that way, I always wanted her to fit in at school and make new memories, I just wasn’t prepared for this dramatic change to happen. Will was quiet today, but not any quieter than usual. Whatever happened, he seemed to be less bothered about it today, proceeding life as normal, which I’m okay with. It’s easier to ignore things sometimes than to face them.
After school, I ride with Will back to my place. He remains in his usual mood, which is relieving. I just want us to be okay and normal, and maybe my emotions towards him will return to normal as well.
“So, what do you want to do? We could play Atari, watch a movie, anything really,” I say when we get to my basement.
“A movie sounds good,” Will answers, eyeing the side table next to the couch. Some of his recent drawings are sitting amongst some doodles I've done myself. I haven’t stored them in the file folder yet, that’s kept on the other side of the room on the shelf tucked away from sight. Not that I’m embarrassed to have them, I just want to keep them safe, they mean a lot to me. Now that he’s going to art school, I hope that he still gives me drawings he does for his assignments. I would love to see his progress.
He holds one up, it’s a drawing from one of our most recent D&D games where we fought a Thessalhydra. “I didn’t know you kept this one.”
“I keep all your drawings.”
“Even the bad ones, I see,” he laughs.
“None of them are bad, have you seen my terrible stick figures?” I go over to the table and point at my notebook pages.
“They're…something,” Will smiles.
He looks at me, his cheeks are a flushed pinkish color, I can feel my face getting warm as well. It’s hot in here, that’s all. A chill runs up my spine and my stomach flutters. I break eye contact and awkwardly put a hand through my hair. He steps backwards and neatly stacks his drawings in the corner of the side table.
We sit on the couch once I get the movie up and running. Will chooses Stand By Me, one of my favorites. It reminds me a lot of how our own friend group was when we were younger, and about trying to find Will when he disappeared. We’re settled down on the couch together, our shoulders brushing together as we watch the movie in silence. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, but somehow my palms are getting sweaty and I just feel that same sense of tension between us. I try to push the feeling away, but it just gets stronger, as if there’s even more tension radiating off of Will. His eyes stay fixed on the TV, but mine wander to his hands, which are fidgeting with the blanket he’s thrown on his lap. They look so soft, a split thought to reach over and grab his right hand wanders through my head. I look away, inwardly cursing at myself. What the hell is wrong with me? I need to get myself together, whatever this feeling is, it’s going to go away at some point. I just need to get over it, whatever this is. The last thing I need is for things to be weird between us again. I just want to go back to being best friends again, like we used to be.
Will’s POV
The movie has just ended, the light outside Mike’s basement window has gone dark. Thunder rumbles in the distance, the wir of the overhead fan creates a subtle white noise. My drawings that sit on the side table brush up together gently with the push of the air. Mike has fallen asleep, his head leaning back on the couch. His arm has fallen off from where it was resting on his chest and now is laying to the side slightly touching my hand. I don’t dare to move, I just stare at it, my pinky finger naturally lifting and softly tracing the side of his hand. I look up to his face, making sure he hasn’t woken up. He’s so beautiful, with his freckles sprinkled across his cheeks and nose, his messy curly hair is sprawled all over his forehead and cheekbones. My eyes wander down to his dark blue button up, the collar sitting loosely on his collarbones, the top two buttons undone. I look back up to his perfect jawline, then to his lips, which are slightly apart as his breath stays consistent as he sleeps. I break my gaze away up to the wall behind him and draw in a shaky breath. All I want to do is just lay here forever with him in his stuffy basement. It’s where I feel most at home. Shivering, I gently get off the couch, careful not to wake him and head upstairs to grab a sweatshirt. I know he won’t mind. Upon entering his room, I realize how long it’s been since I’ve been upstairs in his house, we always hangout in the basement. I eye the Bowie poster on the wall, and then shift my glance over to his bulletin board over his dresser. A couple of my drawings are hung up, along with a photo of us from middle school at a science fair. I smile to myself, that photo was taken right before my life changed forever, when things were simple. I start to make my way over to his closet when the draft from me walking makes a paper fall off of the dresser. I bend down and pick it up, and begin to read the letter labeled at the top:
UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND ADMISSIONS OFFICE
He got into Maryland? He never said anything to me about it. Maryland is so far away. I sit down on his bed and process what I’m reading. Maryland is hours away by car. I didn’t even know he was considering that school. I guess I have always assumed that he was planning on going local for college. My stomach twists as I reread the letter again. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. Why didn’t he tell me? He couldn’t keep this a secret for long. Is he actually going to go there? Maybe he didn’t accept the “acception.” I don’t know anymore.
I sit the letter on Mike’s desk and walk downstairs, forgetting about the sweatshirt. When I get downstairs, Mike stirs.
“Hey, how long was I out?” He asks groggily.
“Not long,” I say, staying where I am and not sitting down next to him.
He gives me a confused look. “What’s wrong?”
“I saw your letter, Mike,” I say. “When were you going to tell me?”
“What…what letter?” He still looks confused.
“University of Maryland.”
“Oh, shit, Will, I was going to tell you, I just wanted to wait until I had the whole group together,” Mike replies.
“So no one else knows?”
“Well I told Lucas and Max but they picked me up Tuesday for school because I was too excited,” He confesses. “But Dustin doesn’t know yet.”
“Oh,” is all I can think of to respond.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the day it came in, I only told them to wait because I wanted it to be a surprise, it’s a big deal. It was kind of a leap of faith,” Mike explains.
“I know. But it’s so far away,” I murmur.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll come visit, it’s not that far.”
“It’s hours away!”
“So? I can still visit. I visited you in California!”
“Uh, no, you visited El,” I scoff. “I hardly think you would have come to see me if she didn’t move with us.”
“Wait, are you serious? You’re my best friend, plus that was ages ago!”
“That’s not the point,” I look at the ground. “I just didn’t think that you were moving away that far. Last we talked about it, you were thinking of going to Indianapolis with Dustin.”
“I thought you’d be happy for me, it’s a good school! And the local universities didn’t really have what I was looking for, I’m doing this for my future, just like you’re going to art school for yourself. Why are you making this such a big deal?”
“I-I-I…I don’t know,” I stammer. If I told him why exactly I can’t bear the thought of him leaving, he’d never look at me the same.
I break away from Mike and run up his basement steps, anger bubbling in my veins.
“Will!!” Mike charges after me, only making me quicken my pace. “Where are you going?! Will!”
We make it out to the garage, and he’s still following me.
“Will, stop!” Mike catches up to me, the door to the garage slams behind him.
“I really cannot do this right now, Mike,” I say, fighting tears and shakily fishing for my car keys in my pocket. The garage door is open, the storm has increased and now rain is coming down in sheets outside.
“Will, you can’t leave! It’s raining!” He grabs my arm.
I tug it away, still not turning towards him, but I stop right in front of the driveway. The wind pushes stray raindrops into the garage, gently misting my face.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset right now,” Mike says in a cautious tone.
“I’m not upset, I’m happy for you, okay?” I’m still refusing to look at him, my breath is coming up short. I know that if I look at him now, I’ll cry, and boys don’t cry.
“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Mike says quieter. “I don’t get what the problem is, aren’t you going to art school?”
“It’s not the same, I’m going to the small community college thirty minutes away where I’ll commute to, you’re going across the country to that fancy university,” I mumble.
“It’s a couple of states away, not a country away! I’ll come visit, you know that. And you can visit me,” Mike takes a step forward and puts his hand on my shoulder. That one gesture is what breaks me, tears start falling rapidly down my cheeks before I can stop them.
“Will, what is wrong, please tell me! What aren’t you telling me?” Mike’s gaze is burning into the left side of my face.
My breath is coming in gasps now, I frantically try to compose myself but it is no use. He really is leaving in a couple months, and most likely won’t come back even though now he’s saying he will. We’ve been through this before, and I can’t bear to do that again. The person I have loved almost my entire life is leaving me and he doesn’t even know that I love him.
“Please talk to me,” Mike pleads. A huge clap of thunder makes me jump away from him a bit.
“I can’t tell you why, okay?” I finally turn towards him. “It wouldn’t change anything, but it would change everything!”
Mike is silent for a moment before saying, “What do you mean?”
“Forget it, Mike,” I walk out into the rain, instantly getting drenched and b-lining to my car. Mike takes off after me and slides in front of my driver’s side door, blocking my exit route.
“No, I’m not letting you leave upset, please stay,” Mike’s expression is worried, I feel a pang of sadness all over again. It’s not his fault that I’m so fucked up.
“Get out of the way.”
“No.”
“Move!”
“No! I’m not letting you go again!”
All of a sudden my brain shifts, I feel like I’m 14 again, standing in Mike's garage fighting tears after he said ‘It’s not my fault that you don’t like girls.’
We stand in silence for a couple of painstaking seconds.
I love you.
I draw in a breath.
I love you.
“Please don’t go, let's go inside. I’ll forget this happened if that’s what you want but it’s pouring and I’m freezing,” Mike runs his hands through his sopping wet hair and blinking the rain out of his eyes. Even in my anger and sadness, he’s still the most perfect person I have ever known. His brown eyes practically shine through the rain, his wet hair clings to his head and neck, he’s a mess, and I love him that way.
“I love you,” the words fall out of my mouth before I can even think them through or stop myself.
Mike’s jaw falls open slightly. We stand in silence once more, my heart is beating louder than the sound of the storm.
“What…do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
Mike’s eyes are narrowed through the rain, water dripping off his curly hair and into his eyelashes. His jaw is still slightly dropped, as if he’s trying to process what I had just told him. It was like he was reliving our entire friendship in front of my eyes, shifting through each memory. Realization spreads across his face and he looks up into my eyes in shock. I can’t just stand here and wait for a response. I turn around, but Mike grabs my arm, pulling me back to him and brings me into a hug. Without a word, we just sit in the hug, soaked to the bone and I cry on his shoulder. I inwardly beg him to say something, anything. I don’t know if I should get in my car to leave, or go back inside. I start to panic a little bit, the reality of what I just confessed crawls into the pit of my stomach.
Mike lets go of me, taking a pace backwards. “Will, I’m sorry, I need a moment…just…wait, don’t go,” he says, turns heel and walks quickly away from me and back into his house without another word. I remain motionless in the rain, tears connecting with water droplets on my cheeks, breath once again coming faster than I can keep up with.
What just happened?
I get into my car sobbing and floor it out of Mike’s driveway. At this point I have no idea what to do. What does one do when they confess their love to their best friend and he walks away after an apology as a response? I know he told me to wait, but the unknown of what comes next sickens me to my core.
I pull into my driveway, I see moms car and Jonathan’s truck. Just great, everyone’s home and there’s going to be questions. I haven’t told Mom anything, loving my best friend hasn’t exactly come up in conversation with her, and I obviously have never mentioned it. Once I’ve gathered myself in my car, I make my way into the house, hoping that the rain masks the tears I’ve cried.
Unfortunately, upon entering the house, Mom is sitting at the kitchen table and looks up at me. Immediately she can tell something is wrong, she gives me that look that she always used to give me when she thought I was being possessed by the Shadow Monster or bullied at school. Seeing her in front of me made me realize I need her now more than ever.
“Mom? Something happened between Mike and I, and I don’t know what to do.”
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
I love you.
Will’s words echo through my mind. I don’t blame him that he left, I blame myself. Since, I have spent time sitting on my bed staring into nothing trying to process our argument. I wouldn’t even call it an argument, I wasn’t trying to fight with him but he has been acting so weird the last couple of days, months actually. I was just worried, and now I’m even more worried. I take a glance at the acceptance letter sitting on my desk. I had no idea that Will had even cared where I went to college, honestly the thought hadn’t really come to mind, nor had I ever really wanted to think about being so far away from him again. He loves me. I fall back into my bed and stare at the ceiling. Did he mean it? Did he mean as a friend? Friends can love each other, of course, it’s not a taboo thing, it's just normally not something you say to your friends as a guy. Sure, El and Max say it to each other all the time but girls say so many mushy things to each other, but it doesn't mean anything. Will has always been a more sensitive and emotional person, but he has never said that. He was so upset, I couldn’t stand seeing him like that. My eyes shift to my bulletin board where a couple of his drawings remain hanging up from years ago. I rerun our argument in my head over and over again. Why did I have to walk away? I should’ve never walked away from him. I told him I wasn’t going to let him go. Why did I let him go? God, I am so stupid. I stand up in a fit of anger towards myself and grab the first object within reach, which happens to be an empty glass bottle of coke. I chuck it at my closet doors with so much force the bottle breaks, glass showers my bedroom floor.
“Mike, what the hell?!” Nancy’s voice comes from the other side of the wall. Her footsteps quickly approach me and she flings open the door. “Mike!”
“I fucked up big time,” I flatly answer.
“Because of the broken bottle on the floor? What on earth made you do that? You’re lucky Mom isn't home to hear that.”
“Oh God, I’m such an idiot,” I get on the floor and start carefully picking up the broken pieces of glass.
“Okay, stop,” Nancy pulls me up by the back of my shirt. “What is going on?”
At first I don’t respond. How could I even begin to tell her what’s going on? I end up landing on, “Will and I had a fight. A bad fight.”
“I’m sorry,” She says and sits on the bed. I sit down too. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“Honestly, I don’t even know what happened,” I sigh, the anger ebbing away and shame replaces it.
“Okay, uh...” Nancy pauses. “What can I do?”
“If your best friend tells you he loves you, does he mean it in the way that I think he might?” I blurt.
“Will told you he loves you?”
“Yea, and I hugged him and I didn’t know what to do, so all I said was that I was sorry, to wait, and then I left him outside. I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly I wasn’t thinking at all. I just needed a moment, I feel so bad,” a strange feeling starts to well up in my chest and crawl up my throat. Tears form in the corners of my eyes. I swallow them back, unable to meet Nancy’s gaze.
“Is he still outside?” She finally responds.
“No, I heard him drive off. I’m such a bad friend.”
“No you’re not,” Nancy tells me. “What you did may have been a little stupid, though.”
“What do I do?”
“Apologize?” She doesn’t seem confident in her answer. I don’t blame her at all, it’s not every day something like this happens.
“Do you think he means he really loves me? Like, loves-loves me?” I dare to ask.
“Mike, Will has loved you since you guys were little,” Nancy sighs. “But you’re his best friend, you know him best, I don’t know for sure to tell you anything for certain. I think when you get a level head, you need to go talk to him as soon as you can.”
I look at my hands and fidget carefully with the large piece of the broken coke bottle.
“I better clean this up,” I stand up, trying to distract the conversation before it gets any more real.
“Okay, I’ll be in the other room if you need me,” Nancy puts a comforting hand on my shoulder and then leaves the room.
As I clean up the mess I made, my thoughts keep spinning out of control. It’s not the fact that Will is gay that makes me feel so confused, I think I always knew deep down that he is. I was just waiting until he brought it up to me before saying anything about it. It became more obvious as we grew up, and when I was dating El, he was jealous that I was spending so much time with her than my friends. Him saying that today just added a whole new layer to that summer and even makes me rethink our time in California together. The way he acted, the jealousy, the sadness, everything just makes more and more sense the more I think about it. The harrowing question is trapped in my brain: Do I love him back?
Of course I do, I always feel like a piece of me is missing when he’s not around, but I’ve always felt like that. I guess I could say that I don’t feel that intensely for Lucas or Dustin, but I always just chopped that up to Will being my best friend the longest. Maybe sometimes I do look a little too long at his lips when we are together, and maybe sometimes I hold on a little longer than normal when we hug. I constantly worry about him, even though it’s been years since the Mind Flayer and Vecna and that entire nightmare went down. One of my fears is that the monster will come back, even though I know Vecna is dead. My biggest fear is losing Will. I kept calling when he moved to California, but his line was always busy because of Joyce. I used to call every day after school until eventually I gave up. Plus, he was always so busy painting for other people that I just thought he had moved on. El even noticed it, she told me so at some point. I still have his painting rolled up in the corner of my room, it hasn’t moved since I brought it home.
Wait.
The painting.
Something clicks in my mind that should have clicked a long time ago.
I go to my desk drawer and start digging to the back. I pull out an envelope full of letters that El sent me when she lived in California. After sifting through them I find the one I’m looking for. March, 1986, right before I visited for spring break.
"Will has been painting a lot. But he won’t show me what he’s working on, maybe it is for a girl. I think there is someone he likes, because he has been acting…weird."
Will’s painting was for me. He loves me.
Oh, how did I never realize until now?
“You’re the heart, because without heart we would all fall apart.”
I’ve got to fix this as soon as possible, if not for me, for Will. The worst thing I can do is sit here and allow him to think the worst.
Chills crawl up my spine, I knock frantically on Will’s front door, screaming his name. I know he’s home, his car is here.
“Go away!” I hear his faint voice on the other side of the door.
“I’m begging, let me explain! I was a total dick, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have let you go again, I’m sorry! Please, Will!” I lean my head on the door, waiting for a response. It’s quiet, and then finally the door unlocks and opens to reveal a very puffy eyed Will.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him through chattering teeth, I’m visibly shaking. “Please let me in, the rain is so cold.”
Without a word Will gestures for me to come in, and I push past him and stand dripping all over his living room.
“Do you, uh, want a change of clothes?” He asks, kind of stumbling over his words. His glazed eyes look off to the side, not meeting mine.
“Yes please.”
I eye him as he walks in a not so straight line down the hall to his room. I follow him, concerned. When I get into his room, he practically throws himself into his closet doors and fails to open them the first try, weakly pushing the door open and ungracefully rummaging through his t-shirts. Is he…drunk? He’s now trying to get a pair of pants out of his dresser, and I walk over to his bed, accidentally kicking something that’s sticking out from underneath. I look down, it's the top of a bottle. I bend down and pick it up, it’s a half empty bottle of vodka. So he is drunk.
“Here,” Will throws the clothes on his bed and stumbles into me, I catch him, and now that I’m this close to him, I smell the liquor on his breath.
“Will, how much have you had to drink?” I ask.
“I’m not drunk,” he slurs. “Why do you care, anyway?”
“Because I care about you, come here sit down while I get changed,” I sit him down on his bed, and he falls backwards and puts his hands over his face. I quickly get changed, tell him I’d be right back, and go get him a glass of water. I’ve only seen him drunk a couple of times, but that was when the party would hangout at my house and was drinking casually, never this wasted.
“Drink,” I hand him the glass, he sits up and attempts to drink it, half of the glass spilling all over his shirt.
“Ugh, you suck,” Will looks at me blankly.
“What?”
“That was such bullshit,” he gives the empty glass back to me. I sit it on the bedside table.
“I’m not sure I understand,” I say, even though I’m certain he’s talking about earlier and not the water.
Tears rim Will’s eyes, “You let me go and you said you wouldn’t.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, I was an asshole, that’s why I came here to apologize,” I respond.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he cries.
Without thinking, I pull Will into my arms, putting one hand behind his head and the other around his back. He sobs into my shoulder, and we sit there for quite a while. I let him catch his breath before leaning back and looking at him.
“I’m not going anywhere. Nothing you do will ever make me want to go,” I tell him.
Will nods, tears still leaking out of his eyes, his body swaying with drunkenness.
“Let’s just get you to bed, okay?” I grab his hand. I know that I have a lot more that I want to say but I can’t say that stuff now, not with him like this. Plus, even if I did tell him I doubt he’d remember it at all.
“I’m not tired,” he whines.
“Why don’t we try?” I coax him to lay down.
I pull the covers over him and make sure he’s comfortable. I go and fill up the water glass again and sit it back down on the bedside table. I sit on his bed for a while, his eyes are closed and it seems like he’s relaxing. I wonder if I should go home or not. I can’t leave him like this, especially after I promised I’d never let him go again. I shift my hips slightly to get more comfortable, Will grabs my hand, his eyes remaining closed.
“Don’t go again,” he murmurs.
“Okay, I won’t,” I settle down in bed next to him.
I’m not tired at all, so I lay on my side and stare at Will’s hands. Occasionally I’d look up, watching his eyelids move slightly as he sleeps. He got drunk because of me, there’s no other explanation than that. Guilt worms in my stomach. I never intended to hurt him, I just didn’t know how to react. I wouldn’t end our friendship over his sexual orientation, and somehow, the idea of him being in love with me doesn’t shock me as much as I thought it would. It seems almost…normal. It’s…relieving. It makes those intense feelings of mine even more intense and I didn’t even know that could happen. I let my eyes wander up to his face again. His eye bags are the evidence of sleepless nights and his tears. Yet he looks so…pretty. Perfect. I draw my eyes down to his lips, my breath hitches at a stray thought of what it would feel like if I…kissed him. That would be crazy, right? Unable to take the overwhelming emotions coursing through my mind and my chest, I drag my eyes away from him and roll on to my back, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to force myself to go to sleep.
Did I just ruin everything?
Will’s POV ~ Friday, April 28th, 1989
My eyes fly open, nausea nags at my stomach. The room is dark other than the dim lamp in the corner of my room. I try to focus my eyes, but I feel so hazy. Regretting drinking that much, I bury my face into my pillow, memories flooding back about the fight with Mike, staying home while the entire family went to a movie and drinking a good portion of a bottle of vodka I have stashed under my bed. With a pang I remember that Mike had showed up at some point, faint memories of seeing him in my room flash across my mind. I slowly turn and look to my left, where Mike is asleep above the covers, a throw blanket covering his legs. I slide out of bed, doing my best to stay as silent as possible. I cannot have him wake up yet, I’m not ready to face the conversation ahead. I go to the bathroom and take a cold shower, taking my time while running through conversations in my mind trying to prepare myself for what I’m going to say to him. There has to be a way to explain my way out of this, but maybe it’s no use. I’m so tired of hiding things from him, lying to him as well. It feels so awful. I don’t want to mess up the last month of our senior year but I think I’ve already opened a pretty big can of worms. I just need to figure out how to control this mess, make it alright again, and go back to normal. Back to friends.
Nothing will be normal again. I confessed my love to him. That’s not normal.
I heave a sigh and exit the bathroom with a fresh change of clothes on, I check the time on my watch. It’s 2 in the morning. Oh God, I hope I didn’t wake anyone up. When I creep down the hallway, I hear nothing from any of the bedrooms. Hopper's horrid snoring can be heard from the living room. I get back to my room and find Mike awake and sitting up in my bed.
“How do you feel?” He asks, seemingly cautious.
How do I feel? Horrible, hungover, embarrassed, and downright miserable. And scared of what he’s going to say, feel and think. Terrified that he’s not going to want to be my friend anymore. Terrified of the future. Terrified of him running away to college and never speaking to me again, possibly losing all of my friends.
“Better,” I drag my feet to the bed. I can feel Mike’s eyes burning into the side of my face.
“So, are we just not going to talk about it?” He asks.
“About what?” I mutter.
“Oh, I don’t know…maybe what happened earlier today and why you were belligerently drunk tonight.”
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I quietly answer.
“Okay, uh,” Mike inhales. “I don’t know how to help if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I’m sorry,” I swallow. “I ruined everything.”
“No, you didn’t,” he scoots closer to me. “Nothing has to change, I just want to try and understand.”
“I don’t really understand either,” I admit, which is the truth. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I meant what I said, but I just don’t want things to change.”
“They don’t have to change.”
“But they should,” I argue. “This changes everything, if it doesn’t, it would show that you don't care. Or, that you already knew.”
“Well, I guess I kind of already knew. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be your friend anymore or anything like that, I just want us to be okay,” Mike quickly says.
Frustration nags me. Why doesn’t he get it? I didn’t just confess my love for him, I came out for real this time, leaving no room for speculation. It would make sense to tell the rest of the group, not about loving Mike, just about my sexuality. Deep down I know that they would be supportive no matter what.
“Hey, I’m sorry for not just telling you when I got accepted. But Will…” Mike places his hand on my shaking ones, causing my heart to lurch. “Can I ask you something about freshman year? California?”
“Yeah?” I’m confused on where this is going.
“The painting, the one you painted before spring break, the one you gave to me in the van,” He pauses. “It wasn’t from El, was it?”
That damn painting.
“Well, it was,” I argue.
“Will,” Mike’s expression reveals that he knows already.
“Well, I…,” I stop and look at my hands, which still have Mike’s over them. He squeezes them slightly, I look back up at him.
“El sent me a letter that week, I feel so stupid for not realizing it then, but she said in it that she didn’t know what you were working on,” he tells me. “So all that stuff you said in the van, about El needing me and how she’d fall apart without me, that wasn’t coming from her…”
“It was coming from me,” I finish his sentence. “I meant every word. I’m surprised you remember what I said.”
“Of course I do, it meant a lot. Much more so now, coming from you,” he moves closer to me, his left hand brushing up from my hand to my wrist. I stiffen a bit, but then relax at his touch.
“But El felt all of those things too I’m sure, she loved you.”
“Yes, I loved her too, but we’re meant to be friends, and look how good it’s turned out this last year. She’s in cheer, made new, real friends, and now she has a date to prom. I was only holding her back, breaking up with her after we defeated Vecna was the best thing we could have done for each other. She needed to build friendships first, not relationships, and I know that now. Everything that we went through together, we’re all healing and trying to be normal and move on, and we have in a way, but I know you’re still hurting.”
I don’t say anything at first, because I know that he’s right.
“You have been struggling for a while, have you?” He asks.
“I mean, it’s been fine,” I shake my head, defeated. “It’s just been hard. I wish you didn’t have to see that nightmare happen this week.”
“I know. You can talk to me about anything, you can tell me anything, I’m your best friend, I’m here and I always will be,” Mike tells me.
Best friend. That has a whole other meaning now that I’ve done what I just did. I used to spend so many sleepless nights imagining how I would tell him, even just about my sexuality and nothing about how I feel towards him specifically.
“What you said to me today, it just caught me off guard, and I'm sorry for leaving when I told you I wouldn’t. That was such a horrible thing for me to do, and I promise to never do it again,” He puts a hand on my shoulder.
He’s beating around the bush, I know it. I feel another rush of irritation because as much as I’d like to go back to the way things were, there is no way I can do that at this point. I’ve known Mike long enough to know that he likes to stray away from the hard topics, deflect, and move on because he thinks that’s easier than facing them.
“It’s never going to be the same now,” I whisper.
“What makes you say that? Of course it can, I’ll always be here.”
“No, you won’t.”
“Even if I’m moving, it doesn't mean I’m not here for you. I’ll always be here for you even if I’m not physically around.”
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“Doing what?”
“Acting like I didn’t just confess my love for you earlier today!”
Mike draws back, I watch his eyes waver as he pierces his lips together.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to understand that I meant it, and no matter how many times I tell you, I’ll always mean it, ” I might as well get this out of the way, face the truth, and if he leaves, he leaves.
“I know you meant it,” he finally states. “But we just talked about being normal.”
“We are not normal, Mike!” I lash out at him, “I am not normal. Nothing that has happened to us is normal! I get that you’re not gay and that’s fine, but this changes everything and as much as you can run away from it and act like nothing ever happened, I can’t do that, because I have to live with this for the rest of my life!”
Mike falls into a stunned silence, as do I, my breath catches in my throat. He’s looking at me with such intensity that I feel like I’m going to fall apart at any moment. I don’t look away, but instead feel myself leaning ever so slightly towards him, so close to his face I can make out each individual freckle and how his eyelashes are tangled together. My heart races out of control, nerves crawl under my skin. Mike studies my face, his chocolate eyes glittering in the dim light. My frustration ebbs away. I could drown in his radiant eyes forever, my body stays rigid as I just can’t break away from his presence, it’s captivating me in a dangerous way. All I want to do is kiss him, and it’s becoming increasingly harder to not to do so with every passing second. I lean closer to him, and he doesn’t fall back. Instead he places one hand on my jaw, angling my face up towards him. His thumb brushes against my cheek, his pinky resting under my chin. His touch is so gentle, yet so intent. His eyes dart down one long moment, and then back up to me.
“Mike…,” I breathe.
I can’t take the tension anymore. My stomach drops, I push forward and close the gap between our lips. His lips are soft for a split second, and I pull away again, fearful that he’s about to freak out. Instead, Mike’s pupils dilate, he says nothing. This time he’s the one to close the gap between us, his right arm creeping up my back and right hand falling off my face and grabbing ahold of mine. We fall into rhythm, my heart soars. I’m literally kissing Mike Wheeler right now. I can’t believe this isn’t a dream. I keep kissing him for a few more moments, not wanting to pull back, halfway because I’m right where I want to be, halfway because I’m terrified of what comes next. Mike is the one that pulls back, he looks at me intensely once again.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me, I just did that and I don’t even know whether or not if that was okay or if you-,” I stammer quickly.
“Will, it’s okay,” Mike’s expression is kind. “I kissed you back, didn’t I?”
“Fair,” I look down at his arm, which is still wrapped around me, holding me close to his chest.
The truth settles into me like a tidal wave, confusion as well.
“Mike, why did you kiss me back?” I dare to ask.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Well, of course, but…,” I don’t meet his eyes. “Did you want to?”
“Yes…I don’t know,” Mike murmurs. “I just wanted to see how it…felt.”
“You…don’t know?” I lean away from him.
Mike’s expression shifts. “I did, of course I did, but I guess I-I did it…for you, too.”
“Oh,” my voice shakes. I get off the bed, his arm brushes against my back and I run out of the room, unable to face this situation.
“Will, wait! Come back,” Mike calls for me. ‘I didn’t mean it like that!”
I lock myself in the bathroom, trying to catch my breath. I can still feel the tingle on my lips where he kissed me, I can feel where his hand had laid on my back. I slide down the door, putting my hand over my mouth to keep my crying quiet. Tears flood out of my eyes. This is all too much, he kissed me because he thought that’s what I wanted but the truth is, I would’ve been better off if he hadn’t kissed me at all, because it didn’t matter to him in the way that it mattered to me. I bet his heart didn’t glow, I bet he didn’t think about how soft my lips were, or how I tasted. He definitely didn’t think about how much he loved me, he didn’t feel it crushing his chest in the way that I felt my love for him. He’s never given me any signs that he loves me in that way, and I was stupid to think for a split second that maybe, just maybe, he loved me back this whole time.
There’s a soft knock on the door.
“Go away, Mike,” I sniff, trying not to let it show in my voice that I’ve been crying.
“It’s Johnathan. Mike just left. What’s going on, Will?”
I get up off the floor and open the door to reveal my brother. His face falls at the sight of me, he hugs me immediately. I sink into his embrace, body trembling. He takes me to his room and shuts the door. I take a breath, finally ready to tell him the truth. I need him more than anything right now.
“Johnathan, I haven’t told you everything. But now, I’m ready to.”
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
I choose to not go home, Mom is probably mad enough that I haven’t called from the Byer’s household, though she can probably guess that’s where I went, or just asked Nancy. Either way, I cannot face her anger and concern right now. With only my bike, since that’s how I got to Will’s in the first place, I go somewhere I know for sure that no one will be. Castle Byers. The handmade wooden fort still stands within the trees, worn from years lacking upkeep and Will destroying most of it years ago. It’s still enough for me to sit in a comfortable place on an old blanket. I listen to the trees rustling overhead and the occasional hoot of an owl in the distance. The stars shine brightly above, the rain had cleared earlier. Regret and shame nags me, not about the kiss at all, but of my response to it. He didn’t deserve any of that, it’s clear to me that he loves me, and I know deep down I love him too. I just don’t know how to express that yet, and on a deeper level, I’m scared to admit it. While Will has had years to sort through his emotions towards me and come to terms with them, I have never thought of him in that way before, or, more accurately, I have never allowed myself to. I didn’t know that was really a thing I could do, or feel such things, I’ve always pushed those thoughts away. I do love him, and it’s time I admit that to myself, and to him. I have never cared about who anyone else loves, no matter the gender, so why does it matter so much how I feel? All I can think about is how it felt like my heart was glowing, how soft his lips were, and how there was a tang of vodka under the taste of his minty toothpaste. The way his arms felt wrapped around me made me feel like the luckiest person alive, and the way his body felt pressed up against mine felt intoxicating. The only place I want to be is beside him, holding him as he falls asleep, protecting him in any way I can, like I always have. But I can’t be there now, because I’m an asshole and messed everything up. Again. Like I always do.
I know Will better than I know myself, I just cannot believe I overlooked so much that he was going through. Now that I know, I can see his emotions and love in his eyes, in his mannerisms, in everything. He doesn’t deserve me, he doesn’t deserve the way that I’ve treated him, or the way that I’ve ignored him. I have given him every reason to hate me and he’s never left my side unless he was forced to. I just don’t think that I deserve someone as amazing as him.
The feelings I have for him are real, even though I said that I didn’t know, I do. I’m just unable to come to terms with that yet, what am I going to even tell anyone? Will the group know? Will he even show up to tomorrow’s hangout? Will he be okay? It’s not every day that you realize that your immense care and protectiveness for your best friend is actually because you love him in an entirely different way than you thought you did. I don’t even know what anyone does in this situation. What did Will do? How did he cope?
He painted for me.
I sit up instinctively, pondering hard. What if I figured out some way to creatively tell him how much I really care? It has to be meaningful, but I don’t want to make anything worse, but I have to try to make things better. It’s the end of the year. Regardless of our feelings for each other, I can’t finish off my senior year without my best friend. I need to fix this.
Throughout the rest of the night, I catch a couple of hours of sleep in Castle Byers. I wake up early as the sun rises and bike back to my house. Mom is not surprised I went to Will’s. On the ride to school in Lucas’s car, I’m quiet, trying to pretend like everything is normal. It proves to be very difficult.
In first period, I sit in my normal spot. Will is already there, but he doesn’t look at me, not even when I nudge him with my foot during lecture. After class, he darts out of the room before I can even call out to him. My heart hurts as I exit the room alone, I don’t even notice El appearing at my side.
“What happened with Will?” she asks.
“Nothing happened,” I state.
“Don’t lie,” El walks in front of me, cutting my path off and making me stop in the middle of the hallway.
“I don’t lie.”
“You do,” She glares at me. “I heard you guys last night, the fight.”
“Y-you did?” I stammer.
“We share a wall,” She sighs. “Then he went into Jonathan's room and didn’t come out until this morning. He hasn’t spoken all day.”
“I feel really bad for leaving, but I don’t think he wanted me there,” I admit.
“What happened?”
“It’s…really hard to explain,” I fish for an answer, anything, without outing both myself and Will.
“You need to make it right,” El states. “Prom is soon, no one can fight, it’ll ruin everything. It needs to be perfect. Whatever happened, I’m sure he’ll forgive you. He loves you.”
“Wait, what?” I stammer.
El walks away from me saying, “It’s obvious Mike, it has been for years.”
Later in the lunchroom, Dustin and I are the only ones at the table, Gareth and Will are nowhere to be found. I knew Will would possibly not be there, but Gareth? They must have a bond that I’m unaware of. I really hope Will doesn’t talk about our kiss with him, but I conclude that Will wouldn’t do that. But then again, this week has been full of surprises.
“Okay, what the hell?” Dustin puts his fork down aggressively. “Where are they?”
I shrug in response.
“There’s something going on,” Dustin insists. “I can feel it in the air.”
“Nothing is going on,” I reply.
“Oh really?” Dustin cocks his head to the side. “Then why do you look like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like someone ran over your dog,” Dustin takes a bite of his mashed potatoes and points his fork at me. “And you don’t have a dog, so…”
“Will and I had a fight, okay?” I snap. “It’s not a big deal though.”
“Uh, it is a big deal,” Dustin argues. “We’re all supposed to hang out tonight.”
“I know, we’ll see if Will comes, but I don’t know if he’ll show up.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
I roll my eyes, not being able to stop myself. I don’t blame Dustin, but I’ve been asked that question too many times today. Even Lucas questioned me this morning on the ride to school because I was being ‘mopey.’ Who wouldn’t be, considering I slept on the grass last night, fight aside.
“If I tell you something, can you promise to not tell the others?” I ask. I have to tell someone. Not the whole story, not about the kiss or the love confession, but at least the fight about moving to Maryland. All I tell him is that Will found my letter to Maryland, and that he got upset and went home and hasn’t spoken to me since.
“So….,” Dustin says after pondering my story for a little bit. “Congrats on getting into Maryland, sorry that you couldn’t surprise us tonight. However, are you sure that’s all?”
“What do you mean?”
“It just seems odd, he didn’t say anything else, just got mad and left in the middle of the storm yesterday?” Dustin recalls my words. “It’s not adding up.”
“I know,” I agree. “Maybe he just doesn’t…you know, want to lose friends? Maryland is kind of far away.”
“We’ll all visit, I’m going to,” Dustin shrugs. “Well, you’ve got to talk to him. From what you’ve told me, he isn’t telling you everything. He probably will when he’s ready, but at least go and try to make amends.”
I sink into my seat and poke at my food. I really wish I could tell Dustin everything. If he can tell that there’s more to the story without me alluding to it, then there’s no doubt that the rest of the group is going to catch on, and I don’t want to put Will, or even myself, in a position where either of us have to come out before we’re ready, but especially Will. That would make everything worse. One thing is for sure, I have to make amends. Dustin’s right. I know I should give him space, I don’t want to overwhelm him, but resolving this is my top priority. If he can just hear me out, it should be okay. I already miss him. If he wants to come tonight, he will. And if he doesn’t, I’ll just tell everyone else what I told Dustin, and his secret is safe.
Will’s POV
The bathroom floor is cold, I hear the muffled conversations of the people in the lunchroom down the hall. Gareth is sitting next to me, eating his ham sandwich in silence. I haven’t told him about Mike, not yet at least, even though I know that he would understand more than anyone else. It's nice just to eat in peace, even if it is in the bathroom.
“You know, I actually want to go to that prom afterparty,” Gareth randomly tells me.
“Oh? What made you change your mind?” I ask. "I know you only agreed because the others are going."
“I don’t know, it’s just been a shit year, and I want to blow off some steam, you know?” Gareth smiles. “Rage a bit, be a stupid teenager for a night, that’s what people do at prom, right? Plus, you’ll be there, so it’ll be fun.”
“I’m fun?” I say in disbelief.
“Yes, you’re one of my only friends, I’m only going to prom because you’ll be there,” Gareth explains.
“And I’m only going because you’ll be there, and my other friends, like Dustin, but he’ll be busy with Suzie, and all of my other friends will have dates too…except Mike.”
“Except Mike,” Gareth’s tone slightly changes.
“It doesn’t matter, though,” I brush over it.
“So…,” Gareth laughs awkwardly and runs a hand through his dirty blonde hair. “Do you want to, I guess, go to prom…with me?”
“With you?”
“As friends of course,” he says quickly. “But like, we could go eat beforehand and show up together and stuff, I don’t know, just seems better than being alone beforehand.”
I smile. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
We eat the rest of our food, a warm feeling stirs inside my chest. Gareth has never judged me, in fact, he’s just like me. He hasn’t done things he doesn’t mean, said things that he doesn’t mean, and he hasn’t run away from me. He’s stuck by my side. He’s a really good friend. And sure, I have noticed the way his eyes gleam when he speaks to me, and how soft his skin looks, and how his hair falls perfectly across his forehead and combed just below the bottom of his ears. And yeah, I did notice how nervous he just got asking me to go to prom, I mean, what would be the harm if we did go as a date? El and Andy aren’t actually dating, so it should be the same for us, right? We just like being around each other, just like they do.
I turn towards Gareth, he looks up at me, somewhat startled. I say, “We don’t have to go as friends.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“I mean, we can go as…a date. If that’s what you want,” I clarify. “Because I wouldn’t mind that.”
Gareth goes quiet for a moment, cheeks flushing red, and then responds, “Okay, it’s a date.”
The bell rings and we grab our things and exit the bathroom. Upon arriving at my locker, I spot Mike coming down the hall heading straight for me. I try not to look at him, I can feel Gareth bush against me as he spots Mike as well. He seems to sense that I do not want to speak to him, and angles himself between Mike and I.
“Will, can we talk?” Mike asks.
I ignore him and continue organizing my things and grabbing my sketchbook.
“Please, Will, can you at least tell me if you’re coming tonight? If not for me, for the others, we haven’t all hung out in a long time,” Mike continues on.
“Hey man, he doesn’t want to talk to you,” Gareth tries to help.
“You’re going to let him speak for you?” Mike steps closer to Gareth.
I snap around and shut my locker while slinging my backpack over my shoulder. “Hey, Mike? Not the time, okay?”
“Come on, Will, please, I just want to make it right,” Mike probes.
“Back up, Mike, you heard him,” Gareth’s voice is laced with a warning.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Mike retaliates, holding his ground.
“Guys, seriously, Gareth, leave it, it’s fine,” I try to say, but Gareth’s voice drowns me out.
“I don’t know what happened between you, but obviously he doesn’t want to speak to you. Get the fuck out of my face.”
Gareth puts a hand on Mike’s chest and gives him a slight push backwards. Mike’s eyes flash in fury. Suddenly, he takes one step back and swings at Gareth, punching him clean across his nose. Gareth stumbles backwards, blood starts pouring out of his nose and drips into his gray shirt. Mike also stumbles back in disbelief, he shakes his hand in pain.
“Oh, you piece of shit!” Gareth screams and lunges at Mike. In one split second they’re both on the tile swinging at each other.
I scream for them both to stop, but it’s no use. Once they get back on their feet, Mike shoves Gareth against the lockers behind them and spits in his face. I turn and see Dustin sprinting down the hall towards us, Max and Lucas on his heels. Dustin pulls Mike off of Gareth, Lucas holds Gareth back from going after Mike, and Max holds on to my arm as we both watch the scene unfold in front of us. A group of classmates have now crowded around us screaming their own insults and two cents into the mess.
“We gotta get out of here,” Max takes me by my hand and drags me away from the two other boys. I trust that Dustin and Lucas have it under control, and I follow Max down the hall.
She takes us outside and to the picnic tables located near the parking lot. I toss my bag on the ground and sit down on the bench, heaving an overwhelmed sigh.
“Okay, what was that?” Max questions.
“It’s a really long story,” I groan.
“Well, seeing that we won’t be making it to fifth period, we’ve got time,” Max tells me.
“If I tell you something, you promise to not tell anyone, including Lucas?”
Max’s expression grows serious. “Of course, what is it?”
I tell her what had happened, the entire story, almost every detail, everything down to the kiss, the confession, but leaving out the part where Mike kissed me back. I make it clear that I know that Mike isn’t gay, he just did it for me and reacted in a way that he thought wouldn’t hurt my feelings, which I do believe. There’s just that one percent chance that he isn’t completely straight and I didn’t want to out him to someone else. After I’m done, Max ponders for a while, and then looks at me with a kind gaze.
“Okay, to start, I support you whoever you like, I’m really happy you told me. Secondly, Mike is being such a dick!”
“I know!” I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. “I’m glad I told you, it feels so much better. Oh, and Gareth and I are going to prom together.”
“Oh! Wait, that explains a lot,” Max slams a hand down on the table.
“Explains what, exactly?”
“Well, from what I saw, Gareth wasn’t fighting Mike for nothing.”
I say in frustration, “Mike hit him first. Which was so stupid. Gareth was only trying to get him to go away because I’m still not speaking to him and Mike lost his mind over it,” I put my hands over my face and lean backwards. “Oh, this is such a mess!”
“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Max assures me, leaning over the picnic table and grabbing my hands in hers. “But it’s a good thing Mike was trying to talk to you, right? Shows that he still cares?”
“Yeah, I guess, but he just pushes it until something happens, example being today,” I sigh.
“Do you think that there’s any, any possibility that he may like you back?” Max inquires.
As much as I have been in love with Mike for years, it’s just become natural for me to assume it will always be one sided. Mike has always liked girls, I mean, only El, but I just assumed that would apply to anyone he liked. Of course, it would be great if he loved me back, but even after he kissed me, it was clear that he only did it because I wanted him to, and he could tell. As much as the gesture sucked, it was Mike trying to be genuine in a twisted way. Sometimes he just doesn’t look at the bigger picture.
“In another world, maybe, but I don’t think it’s in this one,” I finally respond.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Max leans forward. “Okay, but just letting you know, I wouldn’t punch someone, especially a friend, practically unprovoked.”
“Ugh!!” I exclaim, dragging my hands over my face once again. “What am I going to do?”
“Let it blow over, go to prom with Gareth and have a good time, I’ll see you there of course. You don’t have to talk to Mike until you’re ready. Play it day by day,” Max advises.
I nod in agreement. It’s a good plan, I don’t really want to face this situation until the weekend is over. Mike wants to talk, he made it clear earlier, but he’ll have to wait, and maybe if he does, he can think more about what he’s going to say and what he wants. I’ll deal with Gareth when I see him again, it’s hard to be upset with him when he was just trying to stand up for me, which he doesn’t even stand up for himself so that in itself means a lot to me.
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
The large clock in the office ticks annoyingly, my head throbs and my eye hurts. There's a tissue shoved up my nose. My leg bounces nervously as I wait for our principal, Mr. Hayes, to come out and speak with both Gareth and I. Gareth is sitting to my left, arms crossed and angrily looking at the ground with a tissue up his own nose. My hand still occasionally shoots small pains up my arm from when I punched him. I look down at my dark blue and yellow striped shirt, which is now stained with blood, honestly I don’t know if it’s mine or Gareth’s. The collar of my shirt is ripped on the hem where Gareth had grabbed a hold of me when Dustin had pulled me off of him. The secretary keeps looking over at us over her small pink glasses in judgement. I avoid her eye contact and study the closed blinds over the window next to me, watching the occasional shadow of someone walking by in the hallway. I feel shameful for punching Gareth, he’s my friend, but he had no right to step in between Will and I. Then again, I can’t believe I punched him. I have never been in a fight before, at least, a matched fight. Troy pushing me around the playground doesn't count.
“Gareth. Mike. Come in,” Mr. Hayes commands us, and we both reluctantly drag ourselves into his personal office.
“So…clearly there was an altercation,” Mr. Hayes leans back into his chair and eyes the state of us. “Why?”
Both of us remain silent. I rip the tissue out of my nose and toss it into the trash next to the desk.
“Well, you do realize that it is our policy that violence of any kind here is not tolerated, and usually results in suspension for a week depending on circumstances, including extra curriculars,” He continues. “However, seeing as your senior prom is tomorrow, that would affect that. And I don’t want you boys to miss out on your last prom, I’m sure you agree?”
We meekly nod in response, still not saying a word.
“Okay, so honestly boys, I don’t really care what the fight was about, whether it was over a prom date or a math assignment or what,” Mr. Hayes chuckles at his own words. “But what I do care about is that this never happens again. So, in front of me, using your words, you will apologize to one another. If that happens, you’ll both be serving detention all next week instead of suspension.”
I slowly look at Gareth, he sighs and looks at me. I do feel bad, this apology is genuine.
“I’m sorry man, I don’t know what has gotten into me,” I hold my hand out for him to shake.
Gareth glares at me, clearly still pissed, but compliant, “I’m sorry I hit back.”
We shake hands, and satisfied, our principal sends us on our way back to class. Unfortunately, he did inform us as we were leaving that he was going to contact our parents. If Mom finds out, I might not even make it to prom, she might kill me first. We exit the office and Gareth turns away from me.
Before he can walk away, I say, “Gareth, wait.”
“What now? Seriously, I’m done,” His tone is hurt, and it hurts me just as much. This is different from fighting with a bully, I’ve done this to my friend.
“I really am sorry, I wasn’t lying back there,” I tell him. “I just get…really protective when it comes to Will, and I shouldn't have punched you, I feel really bad. I honestly don’t know why I did, I just…did.”
Gareth leans back on the lockers behind him, a distant look in his eyes. “I get what you mean.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really,” he fixes me with a passionate look. “Will means a lot to me. I guess that’s why I acted crazy earlier. I’m sorry too.”
I take a moment to analyze the situation. Gareth seems like he means what he says, but his eyes are brimming with more emotion than just the fallout of a fight between two friends. Then I remember what El had said earlier about it being obvious when someone loves someone else.
“Hey, uh, can I ask you a personal question?” I ask quickly.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Do you love him? Will, I mean.”
“Do you?” Gareth counters.
I draw in a sharp breath. “I…I guess…I...do.”
“You need to figure it out. Because I do, and I have for a while. It’s clear to me he loves you, but you haven’t treated him well for a while, have you?” Gareth presses his lips together.
I stay silent, I can’t say that I’ve treated him well, but I have been working to mend that for a while. Obviously I haven’t been doing a good job of that.
“Let him move on, he needs to, it’s not good for him,” Gareth’s voice has an edge of a warning to it.
“What, move on with you?” I say in disbelief.
“If that’s what he wants, then yes. From my perspective, he seems like he does. I’ll tell you one thing,” He steps closer to me, eyeing me up and down. “I would never make him feel the way you have made him feel. Love him or not, you can’t decide now is the time to care, you have had so much time for that.”
Gareth turns away from me and stalks down the hall. I stand frozen in place for what seems like ages, the weight of his words sinking into my head like a crashing wave. I walk out the back doors to the school and to the pay phone, where I call Nancy to pick me up. Especially with Will in my sixth period, I cannot fathom being at school right now.
Nancy brings me home without questioning me, and I go downstairs before my parents get home. In the car, Nancy had informed me that the coast was clear and that as long as I stay down there until I’m supposed to be home, they wouldn’t know the difference. She also informed me that she was the only one home when Mr. Hayes called the house, and she covered for me, pretending to be Mom. I thanked her up and down in gratitude, and told her I owe her sometime. The only problem is the massive bruise under my eye where I got punched, but that’s something that I’ll have to discuss with them later. It's not like this is the first time I’ve come home with bruises, they will probably just assume I’m getting bullied again or something.
I begin to clean up the basement, trying to distract myself, but I can’t get Gareth’s words out of my mind. Gareth has always been a quiet character, I have never seen him so forward and sure of something in the three years that I have known him. It was like the fight had just unlocked another side of him. I know I love Will, but I was almost forced to practically spit it out, yes or no, when the answer is much more complicated. One thing is for sure, I know that I care much more for Will than Gareth does. He’s known Will for eight months, and I have known him for over ten years. I know Will better than anyone, and I need to tell Will as soon as possible so there’s no more room for anything to be misguided. But I don’t necessarily have to say it…I could write it. That can be the creative thing that I can do for him, talking has never been my strong suit anyway. I walk over to my desk in the corner next to the stairs and pull out a piece of notebook paper and grab a pencil. I don’t overthink it, I just write, letting the words flow over the page.
5-28-1989
Will,
I’m so sorry about everything that has happened the last couple of days. I didn’t mean to mislead you, or hurt you, or run away. I’m sorry for starting a fight with Gareth. I have been a really bad friend, I haven’t supported you in the way that I should have. The truth is, I do love you. I have loved you for years, I just didn’t know that it meant that we could be anything more than friends. I didn’t really understand that was a thing that was okay now, if that makes sense. I know that I still like girls, but I like boys too, and it has just taken me a while to understand that, and I’m sorry that I took my confusion out on you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I’m not really good at communicating my emotions. You don’t deserve me, and I am really sorry for what I did. I did want to kiss you, I promise I did. And I would do it again. I just got scared and said something stupid, I made a huge mistake. Whenever you are ready to talk to me, I’m here to talk, but I know that you want time away and that’s okay. I will wait for you as long as you need. I never want to let you go again. I love you, I’m sorry.
-Mike
Will’s POV
“Hey mom, I’m going into work tonight I won’t be back till late,” I cross the kitchen and put my plate in the sink.
“Okay honey, but don’t you have that get-together tonight at Mikes?” Mom questions.
“Oh, uh, not anymore,” I avoid her eyes.
“Did something else happen?”
“Well,” I pause, running through the option of lying to her. There’s no way I can, she already knows Mike and I are on thin ice right now. I never ended up coming out officially to her, I had just told her about him keeping the Maryland secret from me.
“Mike and I are still fighting.”
“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. I’m sure whatever happened, you guys will make up, you always do,” She gives me a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder and goes down the hall.
I pull on my work uniform and a pair of jeans. As I’m combing my hair back, the phone rings. I answer it, and I hear Gareth’s voice on the other end.
“Will? Can we talk?”
“I have to go to work soon, but I can talk for a minute,” I reply.
“Okay, I just want to apologize today for overstepping. I was just being protective and I saw how uncomfortable you were and I’m just sorry,” He tells me.
“You don’t need to protect me,” I say sternly. “Are you suspended?”
“No, Mr. Hayes let us off with detention next week. Good, because of prom tomorrow, right? Do you still want to go with me? I get it if you don’t.”
“No, no, I still want to go with you, I’m not angry with you, just the situation. It just sucks,” I say.
“I know, I’ll make it up to you I promise. Have a good time at work. Do you want to hang out after?”
“Yeah, I’ll call you when I’m off,” I agree, and hang the phone up.
I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t angry with him, it’s hard to be angry with someone so kind. Mike did push him to the edge, and Mike was the one that punched him as well. I don’t know how I would react if someone punched me, so Gareth fighting back isn’t the issue. The fact that it even happened is, but I just want the whole situation to blow over. I want to have a good time at prom, with Gareth, and forget about Mike. He doesn't love me, so I need to just move on.
Work goes by pretty slow, now that there’s plans with Gareth, I’m itching to get out of there the entire shift. Steve seems to sense that my mind is elsewhere, and he lets me leave around seven, and I head to Gareth’s house.
As I arrive, he’s sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette. Even from afar, I can see a large bruise on his jaw from the fight earlier, but his nose looks clean despite the last time I saw it.
“Smoking, gross!” I joke as I walk up to him and sit down next to him. The smell of his cigarette hits my nose, it’s oddly comforting, I can tell by the tang it’s the same brand as Mom smokes. The breeze brushes through my hair and whisks around the trees around us, making the leaves shuffle slightly. I can hear the crickets hum in the bushes and I eye a couple of lightning bugs dancing upon the grass. The sun is setting below the tree line, casting an orange-yellow blaze on the puffy clouds above.
“My parents aren’t home again, they left for the weekend for something they wouldn’t tell me about. Which is fine, I like it here a lot more when they aren’t around,” Gareth tells me.
“Do they leave often?” I ask.
“Oh yeah. All the time,” Gareth takes a drag of smoke. “But it’s not all too bad, they aren’t here to bitch about me playing the drums too loud in the garage and whatnot.”
“I’m sorry they’re never around.”
“Are your parents around?”
“Well, my dad left a long time ago, he was an asshole, so it was a blessing,” I explain. “Hopper is there now, he’s dating my mom. My mom has always been hovering, she’s super protective, cause a lot of stuff happened to me in middle school, the zombie stuff, you know?”
“Oh yeah, that,” Gareth looks at me and grins. “Not everyone dies and comes back to life, you’re like a myth.”
“Yeah, something like that,” I laugh.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Gareth tosses his cigarette on the ground and stomps on it. “What exactly did happen when you ‘died,’ like did you really get lost in the woods?”
I look into his eyes, letting my face fall into a serious expression, “I got abducted by a creature from a different dimension.”
Gareth goes quiet, and then bursts out laughing. Which is what I expected to happen, and I laugh about it too, because it really is so insane to think about now that so much time has passed.
“No, I just got lost and like, almost died but it was because it was fall and really cold that year, I was really far from city limits, and I was sick and stuff,” I run over the spiel I give anyone that asks.
“Interesting, must have been scary,” He puts a hand over mine, which is resting on the concrete next to me.
“It was, but oh well. It was a long time ago,” I murmur, taking in a sharp breath and looking up at him. The last bit of sunlight has poked through the trees and is dappled on his face like gold flakes. His gray-blue eyes glisten like a cloudy summer sky. He shifts towards me, his shoulder leaning into mine.
“Will,” He whispers. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I breathe, “Then kiss me.”
Gareth presses his lips to mine, I can smell and taste the menthol from his cigarette but it doesn’t make the kiss any less sweet. It only lasts a second before he leans back, his face flushed.
“Sorry, I just have always wanted to do that,” he awkwardly faces forward.
A sense of confidence comes over me, and I place my hand on the side of his jaw that’s not injured, turning him towards me again. “Don’t apologize, it was nice. Really nice.”
This time I’m the one that initiates the kiss, keeping my hand on his jaw, while his free hand slides up my back and intertwines in my hair, sending chills up my arms. His other hand is still holding mine against the porch floor, his thumb brushing over mine. With every motion, my mind wanders, he kisses differently than Mike does, it’s more passionate, it’s desperate.
Forget Mike.
His lips are soft, his touch is as gentle as blades of grass, his movements like fire.
Gentle like Mike.
My hand trails from his jaw to his hair.
The same length as Mikes.
Gareth pulls back and eyes me. “You okay?”
Present again, I smile at him. “Yeah, everything is perfect.”
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
“I don’t think he’s coming, let’s just start the movie, it’s whatever,” I say, getting off the couch.
“Maybe he’s just late,” Lucas says.
“Or maybe he’s mad that you punched a member of Hellfire,” Dustin remarks judgmentally and obnoxiously opens a bag of potato chips.
“He’s at work, he picked up a shift,” Max confirms. “And I would too if I were him. Things are weird.”
“Nothing is weird!” I protest, snatching a look at my desk drawer in the corner, which is hiding the letter I was going to give to Will tonight if he showed.
“Just look at your face!” Dustin exclaims, pointing at my black eye. “Things have been weird all week.”
"I still don't understand why you and Gareth fought, that was so insane! Lucas remarks.
El is sitting on the bean bag chair, eyeing me, but not saying anything. Annoyance pricks at the back of my neck as I grab the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” from the shelf under the TV. I flick open the bottom and slide the tape in, trying to figure out what to say to get them to get them to keep quiet about it.
“Should we go get him?” Lucas asks.
“We should leave him be,” Max argues.
“What if he’s mad at all of us?” Dustin adds worriedly.
“Maybe it has nothing to do with us or Mike,” Max counters.
“Definitely about Mike and Gareth, seeing that they were tearing each other apart in the hallway earlier,” Dustin rolls his eyes.
“Guys!!” I whip back and face the group, they go silent and look at me. “He told me earlier he might come, but he might work, nothing more, nothing less. Drop it.”
My friends looked displeased and unconvinced by this statement, El most of all, but no one says anything about it anymore, which relieves me. I go back to the couch, falling into it with a huff.
Later, we’re having a discussion about how people sign their names, in which we had to explain to El what a signature even is.
“I need a pen, she needs to learn this,” Max gets up from Lucas’s lap and walks over to my desk. Before I can even comprehend where she is, she’s shuffling around my desk trying to find something to write with, getting dangerously close to the dreaded drawer of secrets. I erupt from the couch, heart falling into my stomach, and dash over to where she’s standing, putting a hand in front of hers, which is reaching for the drawer.
“Wait, uh, I’ll get one,” I stammer.
“Uh, okay?” Max dismisses my behavior with a flick of her hand, allowing me to open my own drawer and reach inside for a pen, shoving the letter further back. I give the pen to El, who’s looking at me suspiciously.
“I’m just going to go call Will,” I announce, and dart upstairs for the landline in the kitchen for some privacy.
I dial Family Video first, and Steve picks up.
“Steve, it’s Mike. Will there?”
“Oh, no, he left about an hour ago. It's been slow. Why?” Steve’s confused voice sounds from the other end.
“Oh, nothing, just wondering,” I reply with a sigh.
“What’s going on Wheeler?”
“Nothing's going on,” I retort. “We argued again and he was supposed to be here for a Party get together, and he’s not. Happy?”
“No, not happy, you’ve been fighting a lot lately. He was eager to get off, I assumed you all were hanging out, I guess I was wrong” Steve says.
“Did he go home after work?”
“I don’t keep track of his whereabouts, just call his house. He's probably there. See you Sunday,” Steve hangs up the phone.
I audibly groan and dial Will's home phone, and Joyce answers. I ask for Will again.
“Oh, he’s not here. He called from work and he said he was going to his friend Gareth’s house. Do you have their home number? If not I can give it to you so you can get a hold of him, is it urgent?” Joyce’s kind voice says.
My stomach twists. “No, it’s okay Mrs. Byers, thank you.”
I hang up the phone and hear movement behind me. It’s El.
“Calling Will?” She inquires.
“Yeah. He’s at Gareth's,” I try not to show in my tone that I’m disappointed.
“They’re close,” El points out.
I grit my teeth. “Yeah, they are.”
“Is that why you guys fought today?” She nods towards the bruise under my right eye.
“I guess.”
Her expression grows stern. “Mike. Do you love Will?”
“W-what? I mean, of course I do, he’s my best friend,” I stammer.
“Remember what you said a long time ago? About being crazy?”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“You said love makes you crazy,” El confirms. “And today, you were being crazy.”
I’m at a loss for words.
“I’m not trying to overstep, but I know you better than a lot of people,” El says and backs towards the basement door. “And I know when you’re lying, even if it’s to yourself. I don’t judge you at all. I want you to do what you want, and not worry what everyone down there will think. No one will be upset, promise.”
El leaves me in the kitchen, I lean back into the counter behind me and put my hands behind my neck stressfully. If she can tell, it will only be a matter of time before the others figure it out, too. I know she won’t say anything to anyone, and it’s not that I’m ashamed of it, it’s just that these things don’t come easy. I wish everyone in the world was as accepting as El.
Will’s POV ~ Saturday, April 29th, 1989
Today’s the day. Senior prom. I wish that I was more excited, especially after last night. I shared a real kiss with someone that actually wanted to kiss me back, not with someone who was doing it for me as a genuine, but messed up gesture. I enjoyed hanging out with Gareth. We spent the rest of our time together last night cuddling, occasionally making out and listening to music, and he showed me his garage where he practices his music. It was everything I wanted, but even so, it just didn’t feel right. Because he wasn’t Mike. I did everything in my power to keep Mike out of my mind when I was with Gareth but I couldn’t help it. Mike has been my one and only person for so long that it’s really hard to let go so fast. If everything goes smoothly, I can fall in love with Gareth too, Mike and I can be friends again, and nothing will be complicated again. It will all work out the way it should, right?
I stand in the mirror and look at myself in my dark blue prom suit, paired with a matching dark blue bow tie. I run my fingers through my hair once more, trying to keep all the stray hairs back with the little amount of gel I put in my hair. I make my way down the hall, where Mom makes a huge fuss over me and straightens my jacket and re-fixes my hair, camera in hand. Soon, El walks out of her room, dressed in a mid-length blue and white dress. The blue sequins reflect the light and little dots dance across the walls when she moves. White frills hang about her knees, angling up one side, paired with small white heels. Her long, brown hair is curled loosely and tied halfway back with a glittery blue hair piece. Mom spends the next fifteen minutes making us stand in various poses while she takes a million photos of us, and Hopper stands in the corner of the kitchen, beer in hand, looking close to happy tears. Andy arrives shortly after with a small bouquet of white roses for El, and they leave together for dinner. Of course, Hopper gives us the rundown of no drinking, no smoking, no hanky panky, and most certainly, our curfew afterwards, which is midnight. Due to the party that’s happening tonight, El is not happy about this, so I try to reason with Hopper, telling him that we’re all going to Mike’s after prom and staying there, in which he doubtfully agrees and tells us to call from there when we get there. Therefore, we’re in the clear.
I leave right after El and her date to pick Gareth up. I didn’t tell Mom or Hopper that I even have a date to prom, that would include coming out to the both of them, even though I’m positive Mom already knows. Gareth walks out of the house wearing all black, including his bow tie, he looks so handsome. I can’t help but smile as he gets into the car and I get a better look at him. His hair, which is usually a blonde wavy mess, is combed back cleanly, making his blue eyes stand out even more. We eat dinner at this little diner where we can order at the window and eat outside. It’s peaceful, though we definitely look more like a couple of friends going out to eat rather than a date, but that’s okay with us. It really dawns on me during dinner that this is my first real date with someone ever, and I’m glad that it’s someone I know well, there was no awkwardness or small talk, just us being natural and enjoying each other’s company. So far, the night is going well.
We arrive at the school around 8:30, the dance started at 8. I spot Lucas’s car in the parking lot, which means most likely Mike is with them as well. When we get inside, the entire gym is decked out in fake leaves and decorations representing our “Enchanted Forest” theme. It's really impressive what the prom committee pulled off. I scan the crowd and see El, Max, Andy and Lucas standing in a group near the punch and snacks. Max spots us first, and runs over to me to give me a big hug.
“You look so good! I’m so glad you’re here, now the whole party is here!” She exclaims. Her red dress is almost blinding to me with the sequins on her collar. Lucas walks up in his corresponding outfit to hers, followed by Andy and El. We all sit down at a table with some punch.
“Where’s everyone else?” I ask, eyeing the crowd in hopes to see Mike’s dark hair.
“Dustin and Suzie are somewhere around here, they went to get pictures taken. I’m assuming Mike’s with them,” Lucas responds. “Are you guys, like, okay now?”
“Who, Mike and I?” I play dumb.
“Come,” Max pulls me up from my chair and leads me away from the table.
“I see you’ve pulled yourself a cute date,” Max nods to Gareth, who’s sitting quietly.
“Yeah, I want to find Dustin so Gareth has someone to talk to, he doesn’t know you or Lucas very well, and Andy used to bully him,” I tell her.
“Are you sure that’s the only reason why you want to find Dustin?”
“And to meet Suzie,” I avoid what she’s clearly asking.
“Oh?” She says sarcastically. I look behind her to see Dustin and Suzie walking up to our table, his hair poofed out like crazy. No sign of Mike, though.
“Look at you!” Dustin shouts to me as Max and I sit back down.
“Your hair! You do this every school dance,” I laugh.
After some conversation about the afterparty, we take to the dance floor, still no sign of Mike. I try my best to keep my attention on Gareth, I can’t let him know I’m still hung up over my friend, and so far I think my thoughts have gone undetected. Right when I push my thoughts of Mike away, he appears. And he looks breathtaking. Even though he’s done practically nothing different to his hair, the sight of him in a similar color blazer to mine and a black bow tie makes my cheeks grow hot. Why does he have to show up here looking so good? Of course, even if he showed up in jeans and a button up, he’d still look good. It takes me a moment to tear my eyes away from him and back to Gareth, who definitely saw me gawk, but doesn’t say anything. Mike keeps his distance from me for a while, but I catch him looking at me multiple times as we dance. There’s a longing look to his gaze, but maybe I’m reaching. It’s probably only because we’re fighting and he wants his friend back.
After we grow tired of dancing, the group exits the dance floor to sit down, and I’m faced with actually having to be near Mike without the distraction of dancing. Gareth is a good distraction though, he’s always cracking a joke, lifting my spirits. Now I’m listening to Mike rambling about going to the party.
“There’s no reason for me to go!” He argues.
“You could meet someone, you never know!” Max shoots back.
“I don’t want to meet anyone,” Mike snatches a glance at me, I look at the table. Gareth stiffens beside me for a split second.
“You’re going. We all are,” Max insists. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”
Mike groans in response, but obliges anyway.
“Are you excited for the party?” Gareth asks me.
“Yeah, it should be fun, I’ve never been to a huge party like this. I know you aren’t a huge fan of the people throwing it, but we don’t have to talk to them, we have them,” I gesture towards the group. That sentence seems to ease Gareth’s nerves about it.
Max drags us to get our photos taken later, and Mike makes a noticeable effort to try and stay away from me but while setting up for the photo, he ends up to my left, while Gareth is on my right. I can feel his blazer brush against my arm, and he readjusts himself awkwardly. I look up at him, but he keeps his eyes fixed forward. Suddenly the camera flashes, and I blink the brightness away, hoping that it didn't just catch me looking at Mike.
Gareth leans over to me and whispers, “Wanna get out of here for a bit?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” I respond.
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV
It has felt like I haven’t been able to screw my head on straight all night. Every time I look at Will, especially with Gareth, it has made me feel so angry and jealous. I hear Gareth’s words yesterday repeat in my mind.
"I’ll tell you one thing, I would never make him feel the way you have made him feel."
It’s like my heart physically hurts when I see them look at each other with stupid heart eyes and low key flirting with each other in front of everyone. Them arriving together means that they are most definitely on a date. Gareth got what he wanted. Obviously this doesn’t mean they’re officially dating, but it’s a step closer to it than I like. The last thing I want to do is make things worse for Will, he looks happy tonight, even though I can feel him looking at me. But I can’t tell if those looks are in a longing way, or if its looks of hurt and distrust, which is valid as well. I haven’t treated him kindly this week at all, as much as I want to fall back on the fact that I’m figuring myself and my emotions out, I know that’s no excuse. Still, that burning sensation in my core persists, and only gets worse when I see Gareth lead Will away from the crowd and out of the gym. Will should be with me. He should be here with me. He should be mine. Anger bubbles in my veins. Gareth has quite literally taken advantage of this entire situation for his own personal gain. I want to punch him again, but I won’t.
Instead, I try to distract myself by getting some punch, they’ll be back soon. The clock keeps ticking, and no sign of them. It’s been five minutes. What are they doing out there? Ten minutes go by, and I’m still standing alone near the punch, angrily sipping at it and refilling when I’ve finished the glass. At this rate, I’ll have to go to the bathroom anyway, which gives me an excuse to leave the gym.
Dustin approaches me. “Hey, where have you been?”
“Over here, I was thirsty,” I mumble.
“Yeah? You sure this isn’t about Will casually disappearing with his new boyfriend?” Dustin asks sarcastically.
I snap my head to him in shock.
Dustin raises his eyebrows. “Look, I’m not stupid. I know he hasn’t formally come out to any of us, that I know of, but I know Will well enough to know that he’s into Gareth. And you.”
“Really?”
“And I think the fact that he’s not with you right now bothers you, seeing how you have a death grip on your cup right now,” Dustin’s eyes glance at my punch. I look down, and sure enough, I had gouged little indentations into the styrofoam cup with my nails.
“I won’t say anything to the others. Just know that it’s painfully obvious that you like him. It’s like when Steve would trip over himself to be around Nancy, you do the same thing. And Eddie told me to stay true to myself, and I’m passing his wisdom to you,” Dustin waves his arm in the direction of the gym doors. “So what are you waiting for? Go get him!”
I nod gratefully at Dustin and head out of the gym. The hallways are dark, no sign of them. I strain my eyes and ears to see if I can hear where they’ve gone. I put my hands in my pockets, my right hand feeling the delicate paper of Will’s letter. If I could just give it to him, even if it doesn’t stop him from dating Gareth, it would at least mean that I’ve told him the truth. I walk slowly down the hallway, stopping when I hear shuffling around a corner. I creep up to the corner and peer around the bend. My heart folds into itself, my stomach begins to hurt. Will is practically shoved up against the trophy case, lips locked with Gareths’. Will’s hands are wrapped around his shoulders and holding on to his blazer, while Gareth’s hand is behind his head, another one on his cheek. I turn back around the corner, leaning against the green and orange painted bricks and fight tears. My breath quickens, I look at the ceiling tiles and try to keep it together. I didn’t even know such a thing could make me so emotional, but the entire night it was only speculation that Gareth and Will were here together, they never said one way or another. It just hurts a lot more seeing the confirmation plastered in front of me. I hate Gareth. I hate him so much. I want to walk around that corner and kick Gareth to the side and get him away from Will. Will should be with me. I have been there for Will years and years before Gareth has, yet Gareth is the one that gets to hold Will that way. It’s not fair. If only I had been more truthful with myself and him, this wouldn’t have happened. I suppose I’ve dug my grave, and now I’ll have to lay in it. I just wish I could tell Will how much I do truly love him, but he looks happy enough now that he’s moved on. But there’s no way that he’s moved on within a couple of days. No way. If I just go out there and lay it all out in the open, I’m pretty confident that Will would run back to me. My body trembles, I frantically try and decide what to do. My feet move, but I’m walking backwards. I can’t interfere, as mad as I am, I don’t think I can confront them right now.
I walk back to the gym, my eyes filled with tears and my hands shaking. I get to the table where Dustin and Suzie are eating Hershey kisses, which just basically rubs salt in the wound. When Dustin sees me, his face drops in concern.
“What happened?” he asks.
“Nothing, I want to leave,” I choke out.
“Mike…,” Dustin says worriedly.
“Forget it. I just want to go to this stupid party. I need a drink,” I snap.
Dustin doesn’t say anything, but does look at me inquisitively, Suzie too, and I sit down and stare at the table. Prom sucks. Parties do too, but they have alcohol, and I would just love to get super messed up tonight. I just need to not care about anything.
When Gareth and Will arrive back in the gym, I don’t even look at them. I make it a point to not speak unless one of the others speaks to me, and soon enough, we head back to my place. It’s almost 10, and the dance ends at 10:30, so everyone wants to come to my house to get changed and ready to go. Occasionally, one of my friends asks me if I’m good, and I reply “fine” when in reality, nothing is fine. Everything is so messed up. I screwed up big time with the one person I care about most. And now, I just care about getting to this party and getting some liquor down my throat. To forget about it, to move on, just like Will has.
Will’s POV
Gareth and I arrive at Mike's house with everyone else to get ready for the party. The group gets changed into regular clothes quickly, El and I make the call home to tell Mom and Hopper we’re ‘in for the night’ and then all get into our respective cars to head to the party across town. On the drive there, it's hard to pay attention to Gareth's chatter, I keep thinking about Mike. After Gareth and I had gotten back to the gym, he was acting way weirder than usual, more angry and reserved. Overthinking, I believe it’s my fault somehow, but I don’t even know what I did wrong. I don’t know what he wants from me. He has already proved that he doesn’t like me like that, so if this has anything to do with jealousy then it wouldn’t make sense. Maybe he assumed what Gareth and I were doing in the hall, which would be correct because we did make out for quite a while, and it was really fun. I have never let loose and kissed someone in that way before, it made me feel alive. Self consciously, however, Mike still resided in my mind there, too. It’s becoming a constant issue, but I keep reminding myself that with time, he’ll just be my friend again, if he ever wants to be. I hope he does, because I don’t think a part of me will ever stop loving him.
The party looks packed already when we get there, with trash thrown upon the grass, music pumping loudly from inside, and people milling about having conversations outside on the porch and in the yard. When Dustin, Suzie, Gareth and I approach, Max and Lucas join us, letting us know that Andy, El, and Mike are already inside. I wonder how Suzie will acclimate to a high school party, since I’m sure that she’s never been to one.
When we get inside, I immediately look for Mike. The house is huge, there’s a large staircase upon entering and a small chandelier above. Straight ahead I can see the kitchen with a bunch of people crowded around a long island with alcohol and soda on it. It looks like the entire senior class is here, a lot of people are still in their prom outfits, while others, like us, have since changed into other clothes. Gareth and I make our way through the house, I see El sitting with Andy on the couch surrounded by a bunch of cheerleaders and basketball players. In the kitchen, Dustin and Suzie tuck themselves into a corner, talking to each other. Lucas and Max join the others in the living room, inviting us to join them.
“Want a drink?” Gareth asks me.
“Yeah, let's get one,” I respond, and point at the kitchen to let Max know we’ll be right back.
When we get to the kitchen, I see Mike walk in holding a bottle of vodka from another entrance near where Dustin and Suzie are standing. He looks at me and stops in his tracks. Both of us are frozen for a second, his eyes glow with emotion and his face falls even more. Still making eye contact with me, his expression hardens and he opens the bottle and drinks from it, then pushes past the crowd and disappears out the back door, where I see more people gathered outside. I make a mental note to go after him if he doesn’t come back soon.
Gareth, who hasn’t seemed to notice this interaction at all, taps my shoulder and hands me a drink.
“Thanks,” I say to him. “What is this?”
“I don’t know,” he smiles. “The guy pouring it says it’s pure fuel.”
I take a sip of the alcoholic punch, it burns the back of my throat, but tastes sweet otherwise. I glance out the back door again, trying to see if I can catch a glimpse of Mike, but fail.
“Hey, earth to Will,” Gareth grabs my attention again. “What are you looking at?”
“Oh nothing, just wondering what’s back there,” I lie.
“Come on, let’s go sit with El,” he grabs my hand and leads me to the living room.
We play truth or drink, and it’s proving to be uneventful. I figure it’s a lot more interesting for mostly everyone else because they’re so close, but I don’t know half of these people other than being in class with them. El and Max, who have become increasingly more drunk by the minute, cannot contain their laughter. I look down at my own drink, which is practically gone already, and begin to notice my limbs growing heavy and my skin getting hot. It feels nice.
“I’m getting another,” I get up from where I’m sitting on the rug and take Gareth’s glass for him as well and head back to the kitchen. I glance outside again, I know that Mike hasn’t come inside yet. I was sitting facing the back door in the living room, I would’ve seen him. I pour some more punch into our cups and go back to where Gareth is sitting.
“Uh, I think I’m going to go outside and check it out, it’s hot in here,” I do my best to keep my tone casual. I don’t really know why I don’t want him knowing that I’m going to look for Mike, but there’s something in my mind stopping me from just telling him straight up.
“I’ll come with you,” Gareth says to my dismay.
I can’t do anything but agree. We step out the back door, and see that the backyard is just as trashed as the front. There’s a table set up on the patio where a few people are playing beer pong. Trees line the fenced in backyard with people scattered amongst them talking with one another. Still, no sign of Mike.
“It’s chilly out here, let's go back inside,” Gareth complains.
I open the door, exposed to the loud music again, and I really don’t want to go back to the living room. It’s boring there, and honestly I just want to find Mike. Gareth and I do a lap around the house, stopping to talk to Dustin and Suzie for a a few minutes, and then continuing on. When we reach the stairs next to the front door, Gareth eyes them.
“We should go up,” he suggests. “Get away from all the noise.”
I know what he’s doing, and I agree to go. This will be a good distraction, Mike can take care of himself. Obviously he doesn’t want to talk, so I don’t want to force it. I stumble up the stairs, realizing in that moment that I am in fact getting drunk. That guy was right, this punch really is pure fuel.
Gareth slips into an unlocked bedroom, taking my hand and pulling me in, kissing me swiftly and shutting the door. The only light emitting is from the back patio shining through the small window near the bed. Gareth gently pushes me against the door, I sink into the kiss, my body weightless. In the dark, my mind begins to wander. If I close my eyes and try hard enough, I can convince myself that he’s Mike, his hair feels so similar, his shoulders are the same size, his touch is so careful yet so powerful. The intrusive thoughts of Mike overpower the present, and for a while, I am kissing Mike, in my mind at least. I wish it really was Mike.
Where is Mike?
Gareth trails off my lips and kisses my jaw, I tilt my head back and look at the dark ceiling.
I still love Mike.
Gareth kisses my neck softly, shivers shudder through my body, my breath hitches in my throat, I grasp at his back, taking ahold of his shirt and pulling him closer.
I wish you were Mike.
Gareth places a hand on my cheek, bringing my face back down to his lips and kisses me again. My chest is on fire, I’m so conflicted, I should be falling for him but I’m not, my mind is poisoned by thoughts of Mike, this isn’t fair.
I need Mike. I love Mike.
“I’ve always wanted you,” Gareth murmurs into my ear. My heart shatters, my eyes tear up, the guilt floors me. I shove it away. He loves me, and I don’t love him. I will someday, I hope.
I’ve only ever loved Mike.
Gareth kisses my neck again, my body shivers, the control I have is dissipating. I can feel his teeth gently drag across my skin, my breath catches.
Oh, how I wish you were Mike.
“Mike…” the breathy name falls out of my mouth on accident.
Gareth stops dead, the world starts to spin. What have I just done? He steps back, in the dim light I can see his eyes flash, the shift in the air kicks me. I stand in shock, more so at myself than anything.
“I-I didn’t mean-,” I croak out.
“I knew it,” he whispers.
“No, no you don’t know anything,” I plead, taking his hands in mine. He remains stiff in my grasp, staying a pace away from me.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I….I….,” Is this how Mike felt when I told him that? Suddenly his past actions make a lot more sense to me.
“It’s okay. I always knew,” His voice cracks.
“I have to go,” I break away from his hands and fling open the door, the world still spinning as I bolt down the stairs. I stumble into the living room towards Max, falling into the back of the couch.
“Where’s Mike,” I ask frantically.
Max’s eyes widen at the sight of me, “I don’t know, what happened?”
“I’ll find him,” I dismiss her. I hear her shouting my name behind me but I don’t turn around after I leave the couch, staggering into the kitchen and heading towards where Dustin and Suzie are standing, which is the same spot I last saw them.
“Will, how drunk are you? Where’s Gareth?” Dustin asks at my arrival.
“Doesn’t matter, where is Mike?”
“I saw him walk in not too long ago I think,” Suzie chimes in.
“Where? Where did he go?!” I gasp.
“We’ll help you look, come on,” Dustin offers, and we all go towards the entryway of the house. It doesn’t take us long to find Mike, who's sitting on the stairs outside the front of the house, bottle of vodka in hand, almost empty now.
“Oh my God, Mike,” I crouch in front of him. He looks at me, his glazed eyes spark at the sight of me.
“Will, oh Will,” He exclaims. “Where have you been?!”
“I’ve always been right here, I’m here,” I grab his hand, mostly to steady him because he’s falling backwards.
“How much have you had, dude?” Dustin presses.
Mike shoots Dustin a pouty look, “Enough.”
I grab the bottle out of his hand. “Why?”
“Because you don’t…love me anymore,” Mike’s eyes burn into mine, a chill runs through my veins, sobering me up instantly.
“Mike, I’ll always love you,” I confess, not caring that Dustin and Suzie are standing within earshot.
“Then how come you look at me like I’m someone you’ve never met?”
“I don’t, Mike, I would never,” I attempt to soothe him.
He leans further away from me, his eyes unwavering. “I don’t want to go back to friends. I want to be…more…we’re in love. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I’ll do anything for you.”
“It’s okay, all of that doesn’t matter now,” I lie. It most definitely does, because the way he’s talking means that he does in fact love me, but he’s so drunk, so I can’t confirm that for sure.
“How can we go back to friends, Will? We just shared a bed…nights ago,” Mike starts digging in his pockets, then pulls out a folded up piece of paper and hands it to me weakly. “I wrote this for you.”
“Me?” I echo, holding it in my hand. I don’t even know what to do or say, I came out here for his forgiveness and comfort, and now somehow I’m the one comforting him. My stomach turns, I feel like I’m going to be sick. I shove the letter in my front pocket.
“Will, come on, let's get him up and get the others. We’re leaving,” Dustin decides. Suzie stands next to him, her eyes wide and confused.
I look behind them to see Gareth, it looks as if he’s seen this whole thing blow up. His eyes are wide and distant, his figure stiff. Without thinking, I reach into my back pocket and hand him my car keys.
“I will phone you tomorrow, I promise. I am sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I really do care about you. Sober up, later if you can drive, take my car and get yourself home. I’ll phone you tomorrow, I will explain everything, I promise,” I tell him urgently.
“Anything for you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Gareth solemnly says.
As Gareth walks away, I help Dustin lift Mike up and drag him to his car. I ride with Dustin back to Mikes, I sit in the backseat with Mike’s head in my lap. I look out the window, trying not to break down due to the events of the night. I broke Gareth’s heart. I left him at that party with my car and left. A part of me believes that I should have stayed with him, but I look down at Mike, knowing I made the right choice. Mike needs me right now. I look out the window and let a few tears fall down my face, not making a sound. I run my fingers through Mike’s hair, he’s passed out at this point. There’s so many unanswered questions. Did he mean what he said? What does the letter say? What does this mean now? And now that Dustin and Suzie know, will the others find out soon too? What am I going to do? Oh, this is such a mess.
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV ~ Sunday, April 30th, 1989
I’m not really sure how I got home, but I wake up on my couch in the basement some time later. The last thing I remember is that I was sitting on the porch, and faintly remembering Will being there, along with Dustin and Suzie, but not much passed that. My body aches horribly, I screw my eyes shut to try and get the room to stop spinning. Embarrassment washes over me, as much as I liked the idea of getting blackout drunk, the effects of it are not as great. I open my eyes again, scanning the messy basement. On the bean bag, El is asleep curled up in a ball, her loose curls spread all over the place. Further back, I see Will sitting at my desk, back turned to me, looking at something. I try to sit up but I fall back onto the couch. That’s too much effort. Will turns around and looks at me, holding a piece of paper. The letter.
“How are you feeling?” He asks flatly. He gets up from the desk, sitting the letter down and coming over to me, sitting down on the floor in front of me. Now that he’s closer, I notice his eyes are red from crying.
“Unwell,” I mumble. “What happened? What time is it? How did I get home, did you drive me?”
“Dustin drove,” He doesn’t meet my eyes. “Gareth drove my car back home. It’s almost seven in the morning.”
“Oh,” I lay my head back on the pillow, embarrassment crawling up my spine.
“I read it,” he states.
“You did?” I look back at him, this time he’s really looking at me, his light brown eyes glimmering with emotion.
“It means a lot,” he admits. “But…we need to talk about it at some point. Not right now, but soon. I need to know for sure what you want.”
“I understand, and I will explain, I promise,” I weakly reach over to him and grab his hand. “I just wish I had figured it out sooner.”
“What’s done is done,” He sighs. “It’s just a lot.”
“I know, and I am really sorry.”
“Gareth is really upset with me, I kind of ran out on him last night. I need to go apologize to him first, I really hurt him,” Will explains.
“Okay,” I feel a pang of guilt all over again. I caused this. If I would’ve just been honest from the beginning, maybe Will wouldn’t have accidentally led Gareth on, and they would have just stayed friends and none of this would have happened. I know that Gareth was out of line for saying what he did to me, but I can see how that could come from a protective stance. It all just feels so bad now.
“Don’t feel bad,” Will seems to sense my pain. “I made that choice, I was just trying to move on as fast as I could and it wasn’t fair of me to do that to him.”
“I don’t deserve someone as kind as you,” I murmur.
Will’s eyes water a little, he leans closer and whispers, “Don’t say that.”
“Why, it’s true. I haven’t treated you well,” I recount.
“The circumstances between us are different than most. I don’t hold any of that against you. You have always cared for me differently than anyone else, and that’s why I love you. I have never felt more loved by anyone else…well, maybe my mom,” He slightly laughs at his last words. “But honestly, sometimes even she doesn’t see the things that you see in me, or know when something is wrong. You do. You know me better than anyone.”
My chest gets tight, no one has ever said anything like that to me before, not even El. “You know me best too.”
“I’m getting you water, you look pale,” Will insists and gets off the ground.
“I’m always pale,” I joke.
I lean back into the couch and watch Will go upstairs. I’m happy that he’s read the letter, I just wish that I had given it to him differently, to make it mean more in a way. I haven’t been the best at expressing my emotions, even with El, especially with El. I felt like I was clawing at the words “I love you” to her because deep down I knew that I was lying, but with Will, those words just flow so naturally.
Will comes back downstairs with a glass of water, and this time he sits on the couch with me, right on the edge next to my legs. He doesn’t say anything, his expression is distant yet intense. I drink the entire glass of water and sit it on the ground next to the couch, slowly lifting my head up at him. His eyes focus on mine, they speak a million words.
I place a hand on his back, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, everything, I don’t know,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I just can’t help but think that everything is my fault.”
“What? No, it’s not your fault, it’s going to be okay,” I lightly scratch his back, his muscles soften to my touch.
“What do we tell the others?” he asks.
“The truth, if you’re okay with that,” I say. “I don’t want to lie anymore. I think they already have an idea.”
“You’re right, they probably do. We should call a party meeting or something, like the old days,” He smiles.
“Yeah, like a code red,” I smirk. “Breaking news! We love each other!”
We both laugh at this for a moment, and he leans down close to my face and kisses me. It is short, but it's so sweet.
Will’s expression grows solemn, “I have to go sort things with Gareth, will you be okay here?”
“Yeah, I’ll let El know where you are when she wakes up,” I squeeze his hand.
“I’ll come back to pick up El in a bit,” Will faintly smiles at me. “And to check up on you.”
He leans down and kisses me once more, and gets off the couch and walks upstairs. I can hear his voice quietly from upstairs as he rings Gareth, and the sound of the front door opening and closing shortly follows. El rolls over in the bean bag chair, looking drowsily at me.
“Finally,” she mumbles. “You both didn’t lie.”
“Yeah, yeah…we didn’t,” I stammer. How much of that did she hear?
She rubs her eyes vigorously and yawns. “I’m happy for you.”
“You are?”
“Of course,” El smiles. “Like we always say, friends don’t lie. I want you to be true to yourself, that’s when you’re happiest, in my experience.”
“Thanks, that means a lot,” I smile and lay back down on the couch. When did El get so wise?
Will’s POV
Gareth picks me up in my own car five minutes after I had called him from Mikes. The experience of sitting in my own passenger seat is weird enough without the context. We drive back to his house in silence other than the faint rock song that’s playing on the radio. As much as I have so much I could say, I cannot find the words or the motivation to say them. We park in his driveway, he draws in a shuddering breath and stares at the steering wheel.
“Um…thank you for bringing my car back, I don’t know what I would have done otherwise,” I mumble.
“It wasn’t a problem, I would've had to walk home if you didn’t do that,” Gareths’ voice doesn’t reveal emotion.
“Gareth,” I begin, searching for the right words. “I am so sorry about last night.”
“Don’t be. You can’t change it,” His voice breaks.
“But it shouldn’t have ended up like that.”
“Oh well, shit happens,” Gareth shrugs, a single tear trickles out of the edge of his eye. He quickly wipes it away.
“No, it’s not ‘oh well.’ Nothing about that is okay,” I lean my head back into the headrest behind me. “I do…like you, but…”
“You love him,” He finishes my sentence. “I know, and it’s really fine, you can’t help that.”
“Okay,” I awkwardly look at my hands.
“It just hurts, but honestly, I knew about Mike and I still went for it,” he admits.
I turn and look at him, confused, “What do you mean, you knew about Mike?”
“After our fight on Friday, he told me he loved you, well, not directly…kinda…I don’t know. But we talked about it. Selfishly…I didn’t say anything to you about what he said, and told him to back off,” He explains. “But I didn’t know how much you loved him until it was too late!”
“What,” My voice deepens in shock.
“I know, I know, it was so selfish but I thought that he was only hurting you so that’s why I did it, I thought you deserved better,” Gareth stumbles over his words.
“And you think that you’re better than Mike?!” I snap.
“No! I-I just-”
“Stop. Just stop,” I take a breath, trying to steady my anger before I say something I regret. “You have always been my friend since I moved back here, and I appreciate that, but you had no right to make that decision for me.”
“I know, I’m so sorry,” He cries, looking at me in a pleading way. “What can I do?”
“Get out of my car,” I order him. He doesn’t move for a moment, and so I scream, “Get out!!”
Gareth falls out of my car and runs into his house, I get out of the passenger side, slamming the door out of anger and get into the driver’s seat, trying not to cry. It stung to yell at him in that way, I still care a lot about him, and that will never change. But what he did feels like he was stabbing me in the back. He was right about one thing, it was a selfish thing to do.
I drive back to Mike’s, no longer fighting tears but letting them run down my cheeks. Whatever Gareth had said to Mike, it doesn't really matter now, and I don’t really want to ask Mike about it because he probably did it with good intentions, but it still hurts a lot. When I get back in Mike’s basement, he’s asleep again on the couch. I realize with a pang that I haven’t slept all night.
El appears behind me, making me jump. “I called Dad to let him know we’ll be home later, I told him you’re still asleep. Did you get the car back?”
“Oh, okay, thanks. And yeah, I did,” I reply. “I’ll be back.”
I lock myself in the bathroom, my chest tight, like everything that has happened in the last few days has just come up like vile. I sit on the floor of the bathroom, feeling the freeze of the cold tile through my shorts. I silently cry, giving up on composing myself but also trying to be as quiet as possible. It felt so wrong to hurt Gareth, regardless of how upset I am at him. I would never hurt him, but what he did hurt me, and I reacted in a way that anyone would. Why do things always have to be so difficult? It should feel like heaven that Mike loves me back and has confirmed it not only in writing but in his own words, but somehow it just doesn’t feel good right now. So much of this drama could have been avoided. My anger towards Gareth grows larger, seething through my mind and my heart.
There’s a soft knock at the bathroom door, followed by El’s gentle voice, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I stifle out a response.
“Can I come in?”
I drag myself off the floor and open the door. Without a word, she comes into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her. Before she does, I spot Mike still sleeping soundly on the couch.
“I’m okay, really,” I wipe my eyes quickly. El hits me with a knowing stare.
“Okay, I may be a little overwhelmed,” I smile, she always brings the best out of me even if I am having a breakdown.
El and I sit on the bathroom floor together for some time. I explain to her what had happened at the party, what had happened today, and everything in between. She listens intently, her doe eyes sympathetic.
“That makes a lot of sense,” El says after I finish explaining.
“It really doesn’t. Why didn’t Mike say anything?”
“Because he probably blames himself for a lot of things,” El sighs. “He puts everyone above him, so it would make sense why he didn’t say anything so that you were happy.”
“But that letter he wrote, it’s dated Friday,” I recall. “After he fought with Gareth. I’m sure that he meant to give it to me before prom, but didn’t have the chance.”
“Hmm…,” El ponders. “I would just ask him, he’ll be honest with you.”
“Okay,” Anxiety tugs at my stomach. I don’t want to have yet another difficult conversation with him, it’s already been hard enough.
“Take your time,” El insists, sensing my doubt. “Doesn’t have to be today. We should probably go home soon, anyway.”
I agree, and we both leave the bathroom after sharing some silent moments on the floor together. I go and sit next to Mike, who jolts awake at my presence.
“How are you feeling?” I ask him.
“A little better,” Mike sleepily says. “How did it go?”
“Fine,” I glance away.
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” I force a smile. “It’s all good now. But El and I need to go. Hop is going to be upset if we don’t show up soon.”
“I understand,” Mike takes my hand. “Do you want to hang out tomorrow after school?”
“Yeah, I would love to.”
Chapter 11
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Mike’s POV ~ Monday, May 8th, 1989
The basement has grown darker within the past few minutes with the incoming afternoon clouds, Will is fast asleep on my chest. I’m careful not to breathe too heavily, I don’t want to wake him. Lightly, I comb through his messy brown hair. The only noise I can hear is my mother’s faint footsteps upstairs and the steady murmur of the air conditioning. A week has passed since prom, and things have been going much better, especially between Will and I. Throughout the week, Will has come over multiple times, he finally confessed that he knew about Gareths' confrontation the week prior, and about how things ended between them. We have also had lengthy, honest conversations about how everything happened, how we both felt, and how to move forward. At school, our friends haven't said anything about prom weekend, however it has felt like they have been deliberately tip-toeing around us and avoiding asking about it. Gareth has attempted to pretend like nothing has happened, though I have caught a couple of stray looks from him sometimes in class. He hasn't sat at lunch with us again.
Will and I have both agreed that the conversation about everything needs to happen soon involving the entire party, to put everything out on the table. To rip the bandaid off. It’s not that I fear that they won’t accept us for our love for each other, it’s just the fact that I’ve never really come out formally to anyone else. With Will, it kind of just happened, and with Gareth, he guessed, as well as El and Dustin. As for Max and Lucas, well, they probably already have a good idea but it’s different when you’re confronting it. I’m proud to be with Will, I’m not ashamed, so why is this so difficult to even think about? I wonder if Will feels the same way. I shutter a sigh, then hold my breath to make sure Will’s still asleep. The only thing that moves is his hand, which is intertwined with mine, he twitches and holds it tighter. Nothing else has ever felt so right. It’s like finally things have fallen into place as they should have a long time ago. I think back to California, how strained our relationship was, and how strained El and I’s relationship was. I was so oblivious to everything, but one thing was for certain, I was more focused on why Will was upset than anything, so much so that I completely overlooked the fact that El was being bullied until it was too late. I regret the way I treated everyone in that situation, and when the world went to shit again, we came together again. But after Vecna was defeated, we went back to not speaking, and I almost lost him for good, and I don’t think I would have ever forgiven myself if that happened. That’s why this moment right now means so much to me. We’re about to graduate, move on with our lives, but one thing is for sure, I will never let Will go again. Moving to Maryland is not going to change anything, I will make a promise to Will that I will come back and visit often, I want him to feel valued and loved. He deserves the world.
“Mike?” Will lifts his head up, his eyes dazed.
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer, “I’m here.”
“Good,” Will nestles his head back down on my chest, his hair tickling my neck. “I want to stay here forever.”
“Me too,” I agree.
“Is it bad that I don’t want to graduate?” He asks.
“Not at all,” I rub his back. “Change sucks.”
“I don’t want anything to change,” He whispers. “Because that means you’re going to leave.”
My heart shatters for a moment. “I’m not going anywhere, Will. Plus, we have the whole summer to spend together.”
He lifts his head up and looks at me, our noses an inch apart. “But you will soon.”
“I won’t be gone forever, I’ll come back to see you, to see everyone, but specifically you,” I reassure him.
My answer seems to suffice for now. Will smiles lightly and lays his head back down on me. I take it upon myself to put my hand under his chin and lift his head up again, kissing him.
Will leans back, “Do you want to tell everyone tonight?”
My heart drops. “Yeah, sure.”
“We don’t have to, if you’re not ready, I don’t want you to do it if you don’t want to,” Will says quickly.
“I am, I need to do this. I love you, and I’m not ashamed of that,” I place a hand on his cheek. “Let's call them up.”
Everyone agrees to come over in an hour, and Will leaves to go pick El up. While I wait, I pace around my basement, practicing how I’m going to say this in front of everyone.
“Hey, so I’m in love with Will…no, too forward.”
“I’m kind of sorta dating Will…no, that makes it sound like I’m not sure of myself.”
“SO! I’m a fa-, jeez that’s heinous.”
“Uh….gay! Oh, I’m such an idiot.”
“So…just like Max and Lucas, Will and I! Well, am I wrong? Ugh!”
I drop back onto the couch, frustrated. This shouldn’t be this hard to say. Why can’t love be love, and that’s that. Why do gay relationships in general have to have this entire process to make sure everyone is on the same page? That doesn’t make any sense to me. It really is just like Max and Lucas, it shouldn’t be villainized. I’m lucky enough to have friends that I know won’t judge and be accepting, but a lot of people aren’t that lucky. I feel sadness creeping in as I think about all those hypothetical people without amazing and supportive friends, but I push the thought away. I need to figure out how I’m going to approach this, I suppose there isn’t any right answer on how to. Will might take the lead, who knows? An idea pops into my head. I walk over to my desk and get another sheet of paper out and begin to write.
Will’s POV
The party is crowded in Mike’s basement. Max and Lucas are sitting close together on the right side of the couch talking amongst themselves, while El sits on the left leaning her arm on the armrest. Dustin is sitting in the bean bag chair with a box of skittles in hand, taking a handful out and throwing some in his mouth. A couple drop onto his shirt and roll onto the floor. Lucas glares at him, but then reaches his hand out and takes the box from his hand, taking some for himself. Mike is standing next to me in front of the group, shifting anxiously. I try to give him a reassuring glance but he has his eyes fixed ahead at the wall behind the couch. His arms are behind his back clutching a piece of paper. I know it isn’t my letter, I took it home and put it safely into my bedside drawer last weekend. He must have written what he wanted to say down. Maybe I should have done that.
Mike clears his throat. “So um…guys. I want to tell you something that is kind of hard to tell you…uh….it’s hard to explain.”
Everyone goes silent and looks at us, anticipating our next words. Nervousness settles into my chest, I never really thought that this would ever happen and now it’s actually happening. As much as I have recited my coming out speech, it’s wiped from my brain now. I feel bad for Mike, I have the upper hand here, with Max and El already knowing about me.
“What he’s trying to say is…,” I pause and look at him, trying to gauge if he wants me to keep speaking. When he meets my eyes, I beckon for him to continue.
Mike unfolds the piece of paper in his hands and stares at it for a second, taking a deep breath. From where I’m standing I can see his hands shaking a little bit.
“What I want to say is…I’m in love. The person I’m in love with is one of the most important people to me, and he’s important to you…”
I see Dustin’s face light up at the mention of ‘he,’ and Max’s eyebrows raise and a smile crawls across her face. Lucas leans forward off the couch cusions, and El is staring intently at Mike in a comforting way.
“And it’s important to us that you all know first,” Mike continues, his voice becoming more steady as he gains momentum in his speech. “To put it simply, Will and I have been seeing each other for a short time, and I hope that time extends for a long time, if not for the rest of our lives. I love him, and I think I always have, but didn’t know for sure what that meant and now I have figured it out. I hope that you can accept me for who I am, because I have finally accepted myself and I’m happy with who I am. I also love you guys, because without you I wouldn’t have ever felt comfortable with sharing this with you. You are the bestest friends I have ever had. Thank you for standing by me.”
Mike looks at me first, and then to the rest of the group.
“And I’ve loved him for the last few years, but I’m sure that was more obvious coming from me,” I joke.
At first, there’s stunned silence, and then one voice speaks.
“I called it!” It's Dustin.
“I knew it too, I just didn’t know for sure!” Lucas exclaims.
“I’m so happy for you guys!” Max jumps up from the couch and hugs me first, and then Mike. Lucas pulls Mike in next by the hand and pats him on the back.
El gets up from the couch, her expression kind and she gives Mike a hug. “I’m glad that you shared that with us,” She tells him. “And staying true to yourself.”
“I knew he’d come around,” Max whispers in my ear, giggling as she walks away.
Mike puts a hand behind his head, exhaling as if all the weight on his shoulders has subsided. “Now that’s over with, we should do something. It’s our last week as high schoolers.”
That night, we played a game of D&D like we used to, staying up way too late and we were all a little groggy at school the next day. After school we all decided to go down to the square and do some shopping, eat some ice cream from one of the food trucks and stop by Family Video. As we shopped, it hit me that no one had made a big deal about us coming out, everything proceeded as normal. It made my heart light up a bit, knowing that my friends are so accepting, and having the proof in front of me this time, and not just in my head. I couldn’t ask for better friends. As we spent time together, I decided that I was not going to let the future control the way I feel now. I have trust in Mike and myself that we’ll make it work, even with him so far away. Plus, we have the whole summer to spend time together and make the most out of our time before university. Everything is going to be okay, and life finally feels normal and exciting.
Now, in this moment, I’m laying on my bed, resting my head in Mike’s lap listening to more tapes from Johnathan’s collection he had given to me. The song that’s currently playing is “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac.
Everything seems so right, and everything is going to be okay.
The end.
Notes:
Thank you so, so much for reading! I suck at endings so much, I'm sorry if it seems rushed.
I'm beginning to write a new fic about the 18 months between season four and five, stay tuned. I got inspired from the new "mikewhatthefuckdidyoudogate" on tik tok I saw recently haha. SOO excited and nervous for vol 2 and 3 of season 5. Byler endgame ;)
smol_applecake on Chapter 1 Tue 06 Jan 2026 07:25AM UTC
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xX_FC_Xx on Chapter 11 Wed 24 Dec 2025 11:44AM UTC
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xxholly_44 on Chapter 11 Thu 25 Dec 2025 12:51AM UTC
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