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He told Eddie and Dustin not to play heroes, not just because he wanted them safe but because he couldn’t stomach it if Dustin got hurt, and he knew Dustin couldn’t handle anything happening to Eddie. Steve knew that if Eddie died, Dustin would be destroyed. And yet, he trusted the guy to watch over his friend. He trusted him to look out for Dustin, and what did he do? He got himself killed.
Yes, he saved Dustin’s life. And yes, he saved the lives of everyone in the Upside Down that day. But he also made a kid watch him bleed out, and that fucked him up for the rest of his life.
So Steve is angry. He’s so angry.
Because he hates who Dustin has become, and he hates who he has become around him. He hates that Dustin had to watch Eddie die, and he hates that it made him reckless, and mean, and distant. He hates that when Dustin’s reckless, mean, and distant, he himself just gets frustrated and pissed. He grieves the rapport they used to have. They used to spend so much time together, Dustin used to come to him for advice. Eddie died and it all shattered into pieces.
Steve hates Eddie for putting that scared, hopeless look in Dustin’s eyes. Hates him for taking away his best friend.
But that’s the kicker isn’t it? Steve realizes it as Dustin begs him not to die and falls into his arms, sobbing and clinging on for dear life.
This whole time, he’s been taking his anger out on Dustin when the person he’s really mad at is Eddie.
Because Dustin is just a kid who witnessed one of the worst things imaginable and is clearly still so scared. He’s hurting. Grieving. He’s in pain. And Steve failed. Holy shit, Steve failed.
Because instead of treating Dustin’s grief like exactly that -grief- he got angry, and mean, and defensive. He let himself take it personally, and he convinced himself the kid was just being an asshole.
When he thinks back to the destruction of their friendship, Steve realizes that Dustin wasn’t the only one causing damage. Steve may as well have been holding a smoking gun.
The kid has been through so much, too much. More than anyone at any age ever should.
And then the ladder plummets down who knows how many floors and Steve’s stomach drops. The kid was right. He was two seconds away from certain death if Dustin hadn’t intervened.
He almost did to Dustin exactly what he was so mad at Eddie for doing. Being the hero, being reckless. He nearly got himself killed and he would’ve been leaving the kid to deal with that. Fuck. Fuck, it’s so easy to forge ahead. He knows exactly why Eddie sacrificed himself, because he was about to do it too.
When it comes to the people he loves, he would do almost anything. But that doesn’t make it okay.
He exhales shakily and holds Dustin closer, tighter. He holds his head against his chest, cradles it.
“W-we’ll be careful, okay?” Steve whispers, voice breaking, “I’ll follow your lead. No hero shit, I promise.”
Dustin nods rapidly into his chest and gives him another squeeze. He pulls back after a moment and wipes at the tears on his face.
Steve reaches up and gently touches Dustin’s jaw, getting a good look at him. Their eyes meet.
“Okay.” Dustin agrees, still struggling to speak, “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.” Steve swallows, “You’re right. It’s dangerous. I-I trust you.”
There’s so much more he wants and needs to say, but Nancy and Jonathan could be in deep shit right now and that’s simply more pressing. He squeezes Dustin’s shoulder once gently, hoping it’s enough to tell him that they aren’t done with this conversation.
“Come on.”
Dustin gestures towards the stairway exit with his head and then starts walking.
Steve follows close behind.