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Mike Wheeler was kissing a girl.
This wasn’t out of the ordinary for him, as over the past few months all he’s done is kiss girls. He’s kissed girls with long, blonde hair and girls with pixie cuts and girls wearing dresses and girls wearing flannels. He’s kissed so many he no longer has a number, more of a rough estimate to keep him from going crazy.
He’d go to a random party that was filled with teenagers stuck in this hellhole they call Hawkins, get super stupidly drunk, and search for his next victim. He couldn’t ignore the getting drunk step, because he would never be able to kiss any girls if he was sober.
He’d never gotten turned on by any girl before, but this particular girl seemed different. Mike had already forgotten what her name was, because he didn’t care too much. He knew he would never see her again. She had short, brown hair, so soft that when Mike ran a hand through it he had to pause for a slight second. Her cheeks were puffed and rosy, and when Mike moved his hand to rest against her cheek he could feel the warmth radiate from it like a heater. A groan from her deepened the kiss, leading to them full-blown making out. Mike never usually got this far. By now, he’s usually hiding in a bathroom punching his head wondering why it doesn’t feel right. But this felt different.
This was it. The reason why kissing all those girls didn’t feel right, it was because they weren’t the right girls, but this girl is.
Mike took a breath before kissing more roughly, his hand finding her hair again.
When Mike was younger, he used to love running his hands through Will’s hair. He found his bowl cut adorable, while Will always complained of having it that way. Mike would shush him, resting his finger against Will’s lips. Will’s lips. Always so red and plump, unlike girls lips who were sticky with lipstick and perfectly smooth. He’d start by gently running a hand through Will’s fringe, before moving deeper into his hair. His hair felt like feathers and cotton and clouds and candy floss. He continued moving through his hair, feeling satisfied after hearing a sigh leave Will’s mouth. Will.
The girl broke away, leaving the two of them panting. Mike looked into her eyes and was reminded of Will’s stardust sparkles that were present whenever he stared into them.
He needed to stop thinking of Will while making out. He’d be lying if he said that was the first time. The first time his thoughts lingered he escaped immediately, ran to the kitchen, stole one of the stranger’s kitchen knives, brought it into the bathroom, and the rest was history. He had the scars to prove it. Shame and guilt loitered as the girl started biting his neck like a vampire. Will had dressed like a vampire one halloween. He remembered Will showing off his fake teeth like it was the coolest thing in the world. Mike thought it was. The brunette was biting his neck too hard so he forced a moan. Will would’ve been gentle.
“Can I take this off?”
The sound of her voice broke him from his trance. Her too-feminine voice and her soft hands that gripped the edge of Mike’s t-shirt hit him like a ton of bricks. He’d never allowed a girl to get this close before. He’d never gone further than kissing.
Mike coughed awkwardly, “not really—uhm— feeling that right now.”
The girl looked confused, “you’re hard though.”
Mike glanced down and blushed profusely. That was the first time that’d ever happened while kissing. And he knew deep down it wasn’t from her but he could never admit it.
“I just remembered I have somewhere to be right now,” Mike excused, backing away from her stingful touch.
He watched as her smile turned into a scowl, “Fuck you, you asshole.”
She stormed out of the room, leaving a confused Mike sitting on the edge of a stranger's bed. He never understood girls. They were a completely different species to him.
He slowly shuffled down the stairs in search of more alcohol. He was already pissed but he needed more to forget about what just happened. He found a few cans of beer that would suffice, opening and chugging the first one. He numbly stumbled around the house, in search of a free room. All the rooms had hungry couples making out, which didn’t help Mike’s plan in forgetting, so he drank more. He finally found an empty bathroom. His lanky body remained on the floor, aching and tired. Sleep was a privilege that Mike never let himself endorse in, and so closing his eyes only for a moment felt like a luxury. It was never his plan to fall asleep, but after he’d finished his last beer there was nothing there to keep him awake. His head lay against a bath mat.
He dreamed of things he could never have.
—
By the time he woke up it was half one. He only knew that from his watch that laid upside down on the wrong wrist. He threw up his guts into the toilet, some of it landing on his shirt. Wonderful. Just what he needed right now. He hadn’t eaten in a few days which made it worse, his stomach cramping painfully.
He couldn’t remember much, just that he was at a party. He couldn’t tell you where or who’s. For some reason Will entered his brain but that didn’t surprise him. Will never left his mind.
He couldn’t stand the stench of his own vomit, so he shakily stood up, almost falling back down as he swayed on his feet. He desperately fought with his own body to get down the stairs. His body was actively trying to shut down but he wouldn’t let it. He didn’t deserve to.
He stepped over the passed out bodies to make it to the house phone that was hung up by the door. His memory was foggy but he knew one number off by heart. The dial tone echoed in his ear as he prayed that someone was awake.
“Hello?”
Will’s gentle voice filled Mike’s ears like an angel’s.
“Will.”
“Mike? Why are you calling so late?”
Mike could tell he’d just woken up, a hint of grogginess in his tone.
“I’m sorry for waking you.”
“It’s alright, Mike. Are you okay?”
Oh Will, so caring and kind despite how much of an asshole he was to him. Mike didn’t deserve him.
“I’m not sure…I’m at a party and I’m not sure where I am. I don’t know how to get home,” Mike slurred his words.
Mike’s sure he sounded pathetic.
“I heard there was a party happening at Jacob’s. Is that the one?”
“It sounds familiar,” Mike answered, not being able to remember fully.
“I’ll pick you up,” he offered.
“You don’t have to,” he replied quickly.
“I’m not gonna leave you there. I’ll meet you outside in ten,” Will hushed.
“Okay,” he whispered, burying his tears.
He put the phone down and stared at it for a while. He always ran back to Will. Even though he’d spent years repressing his feelings, he still needed him. Since El told him she loved him, Mike’s been miserable. Eleven breaking up with him was for the best, but it also made it easier for him to…act on his temptations. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t let his family down, and his family would never accept his desires. Getting drunk and kissing girls was what normal people did, and so Mike did it too. He still didn’t feel normal, though he would never admit it.
The Byers’s car pulled up outside the house, Will urging him to get in. Mike stumbled in and ignored his stomach doing somersaults.
“Are you okay?” Will worried, staring at the vomit stains on Mike’s shirt.
“I’m fine.”
Nothing else was said during the car journey. Mike thought about the brunette girl and her sharp teeth and her pulpy tongue. He spared unnoticed glances to his best friend. His lustrous brunette hair that was fluffy now it had grown out. His eyes dropped down to his lips, a habit of his he couldn’t stop. Will’s rose petal lips, soft, but chapped at the same time. Will was so undeniably him. He didn’t cover himself with sticky lip gloss and paint-like foundation. He was just him. And Mike lov-
Stop.
Mike looked away, like just looking at him hurt. And it did. Because he could never have him like that.
Never ever.
And it killed him.
—
Will didn’t take Mike to his house, knowing his parents would kill him if they saw him like this, so he took him to the Byers. It had always been like a second home for him anyways.
After they defeated Vecna, the Byers, Hopper included, could afford to buy a new home in Hawkins, moving out from the Wheeler’s. His parents were happy, but Mike was not. It was weird going from seeing Will every day to not at all.
Will tucked him into his own bed. Mike was too drunk and too tired to realise it was Will’s bed. Will turned to leave, and Mike used all his strength to whisper, “stay.”
Will turned around and answered, “okay”, just before Mike passed out.
—
Mike woke up with a banging headache and a stomach ache. He heaved into the bucket next to him, just about making everything in.
Mike despised hangovers. He thought he would’ve gotten used to it by now, but they were lethal. He took note of the empty sleeping bag on the floor.
The bedroom door opened once Mike had finished throwing up. He groaned at the pain he was in.
“Take this.”
Calloused hands appeared in front of him with a glass of water and pills. Mike swallowed them, forcing them down with two fingers after he tried to gag them back up.
“That’s it,” Will soothed, rubbing his back. Mike always craved his touch, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel better, “You’ll feel better soon.”
“I feel like shit,” Mike croaked, leaning into his touch.
“I know,” Will cooed.
Mike was too hungover to care that anyone could walk in and see him with his head against his best friend's shoulder. It felt good. It felt normal.
“Why don’t you try and eat something. You’ll feel better when you get something into your system,” Will offered.
“I’m not hungry.”
Mike never was nowadays, not with his chronic stomach pains.
Will looked like he was going to push, but hesitated, “okay.”
Mike didn’t want to eat or shower or change, all he wanted was to stay in Will’s arms forever and never kiss another girl again. Stupid fantasy imagination.
They did stay like that for a while though, just Mike and Will in their own little world, like how it was when they were kids.
But reality hit both of them and Mike did eventually shower and eat a bite of toast.
When Mike returned home, all he could think about was Will. How his hand felt against his back and how his hair was fluffed in the morning and his peach-like lips. He took a knife to his wrists until the thoughts stopped, and returned to thinking about when he was going to kiss a girl next.
—
It was rare for the party to all meet up, and it was even rarer for them to go to a party together.
But here they were, Lucas and Dustin sitting in Will’s car while Will drove to rich Jason’s house to celebrate summer break. Why that needed to be celebrated Mike had no idea, but there was free alcohol and girls to kiss so he didn’t question it. Max and Eleven were apparently meeting them there.
“Apparently Jason invited people all the way in Michigan. How he knows people there I have no clue, but this could be it. This could be the day where we get Byers a boyfriend,” Dustin explained excitedly.
“I severely doubt floods of gay people are travelling from Michigan to go to a house party in haunted Hawkins,” Will rolled his eyes playfully.
“You never know,” Dusin replied.
“You can’t be talking. How long has it been since you and Suzie broke up?” Lucas teased.
“Too long! Which is why I’m gonna use this to talk to the ladies.”
“Right,” Lucas scoffed, “the Michigan ladies.”
“Exactly! Unless Mike takes them all. Can you save one for me?” Dustin whined.
“What are you trying to say?” Mike raised an eyebrow. He was actively trying to zone the conversation out as he didn’t want to hear about Will’s love life.
“I’m saying stop being such a womanzier, man. Some of us want to find our forever woman and I don’t want someone who's kissed my friend. Gross,” Dustin pinched his nose.
“Whatever,” Mike spat, already over the night.
Will gave him an unidentifiable look which made Mike uncross his arms, relaxing his tense muscles.
His friends just didn’t understand.
When they arrived, it was much busier than Mike anticipated. The house was huge, but barely big enough to fit everyone in. Mike immediately split from the group to raid the alcohol. There was a good selection, but Mike chose his usual beer, not wanting to experiment. When he went back to the main party area, none of his friends could be seen. He sat at one of the high chairs at the makeshift bar area. He swirled the liquid inside the can and stared into space while pretty girls swayed to music with even prettier guys. Mike glanced around the room staring at guys with mullets and guys with long hair and guys wearing crop tops. He swallowed, averting his eyes.
One of the guys wearing a black, sparkly crop top appeared beside him, taking the seat next to him. Mike had to remind himself to take a breath.
“Hi, I’m Alex,” the guy smiled, holding out his hand. Mike shook it, and took notice of how different his hand was to the girls.
“Mike,” he nodded, trying but failing to not look at his stomach.
Alex smiled brighter, causing Mike’s stomach to hurt, but in an addicting way he felt when he’d just brushed arms with Will.
“And what’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone?”
Mike had trouble knowing when he was being flirted with, it was always hard with girls. But he noticed it straight away with the flirtatious smile and how close the guy was, knocking knees. He just called him pretty.
“I’m not sure. My friends abandoned me,” he smiled back.
“How mean of them. Well, maybe it was fate,” his smile widened.
“Yeah, it could be.”
“Sorry, did I read this wrong?” his expression faltered.
“No! I mean, not at all,” Mike scratched the back of his neck.
He examined the guy in front of him. Short, brown hair fluffed up at the top, his non-sticky smooth lips, and the freckles that dusted his nose. His lips were not as plump as Will’s but that didn't matter.
“Well good.”
He could see his dimples as he grinned and stared at Mike with desire. Mike was disgusted by that kind of look when it came from girls, but he doesn't feel disgusted now.
“Wanna go somewhere more private?” Alex smirked.
Alex Alex Alex Alex. His name etched in his mind.
The second the bathroom lock clicked his lips smashed into Mike’s. Mike immediately returned the favour, back against the wall, gripping the man’s stomach for dear life. Their moans mixed together and he didn’t know who was whose anymore. It was rough and desperate, so much different to kissing girls. Girls were precise and perfectionist, every kiss like a performance. But kissing Alex felt so new and exciting. Mike’s never had a kiss like it before. They broke apart equally, the bathroom filled with their sweat and broken gulps of air, before he kissed Mike’s neck. A moan escaped his lips in pleasure at the sensation, not too soft and not too rough. Just right. Mike desperately took a grip of the back of Alex’s neck to keep him there. He needed it again and again. He didn’t even feel drunk. Suddenly, Alex’s lips were on his again, with Mike automatically deepening the kiss. Mike’s hands dived into his fluffy hair, gripping it instead of his waist. He could feel Alex groan into the kiss and Mike had never felt so turned on before in his life. His spit tasted like Mike’s favourite beer, addicting but forbidden.
Mike’s shirt came off first, and then his pants. Mike didn’t care, he would do anything Alex wanted. Alex gently kissed Mike’s stomach as he moved down to a kneeling position. His intense, gripping stare hypnotised Mike.
“Please,” he found himself saying, “please.”
Alex smiled, warmly but flirtatious.
Mike could’ve came right on the spot.
—
Mike and Alex were left panting on the bathroom floor, like dogs. Mike’s mind was quiet for once in its life as he tried to process what had just happened.
“Well Mike, this has been fun, call me if you ever wanna do this again,” Alex said, giving a shaking Mike a small bit of paper with his number inside it.
Mike didn’t say anything, just watched him leave. Talking felt like climbing a mountain. He had no idea what this would mean for him, but right now, he felt so good. He felt so fucking good.
He glanced back to the bathroom one last time, checking if it held the answers he was looking for.
—
Mike found Max and El sitting on a sofa, watching Lucas fail at a drinking game and Dustin fail at flirting. Will stood in one corner grinning at another man Mike had never seen before.
“Where the fuck have you been we’ve been looking everywhere for you. You just disappeared,” Max scowled as Mike sat down beside them on the sofa, exhausted.
“Sorry,” was all Mike could muster up.
Max examined him, “making out with another girl? You’ve got another hickey.”
Mike covered his neck automatically, “something like that.”
“Well you’re doing better than Dustin, he just told a girl she looks like his mom.”
El giggled.
Mike wasn’t in the mood to laugh, choosing to stare numbly into space. Would he ever be able to kiss another girl again? No girl ever felt as good as that. And probably never would. He should have never gone through with it. His repressed feelings were floating to the surface like bubbles.
“What’s the matter with you?” Max questioned.
“Nothing,” Mike scoffed.
“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost. Was the girl actually that bad?”
“There was no girl.”
Max shoots him a look which makes him blush, “I mean there was no one. Just drop it.”
“Alright, jeez.”
Eleven stares at Mike like she sees something Mike doesn’t, which puts him on edge.
Lucas comes flying over, “stupid biased games.”
“You’re just mad cause you lost,” Max smirked.
“They clearly cheated! And Mike where you been we thought you’d left? Got a girl,” Lucas nudged him.
“Shut up,” Mike spat.
“Don’t bother him, he's in a mood,” Max said.
Lucas rolled his eyes, “he always is.”
A slower song came on the speaker and couples started to gather in the middle of the room.
“Dance with me?” Lucas offered a hand to Max.
“Thought you’d never ask.”
El and Mike were left on the sofa to stare at the happy couples dancing in sync. Mike couldn’t help but stare at the handsome boys cradling girls' waists and kissing in front of every one. Mike was glad he wasn’t a girl, but sometimes he did dream of being one. To be able to kiss another man with not a care in the world. Being able to hold one another's hand and knowing you can marry the love of your life. Even if Mike stopped repressing his feelings, he wouldn’t be able to do those things.
“Mike?” El started, “are you okay? You seem sad.”
Mike sighed, “I’m fine, I'm just tired.”
Mike stared at Will now. He looked so happy with the mystery boy he didn’t even feel jealous. He knew he’d never be able to give him everything he wanted anyway. He’d be much happier with anyone other than Mike. And he knew Will would never return Mike’s feelings anyway. He will be confident enough to go to bars and fall in love with a man, and Mike just can’t see that happening for himself. Falling in love with a man meant disappointing his family and losing everyone he loved. When it came down to family or happiness, he knew which one he had to choose.
“I’m gonna get some fresh air.”
Mike finds himself sitting on the pavement in the dark by the side of the house. He can still hear the blaring music from inside. He’d hate to be his neighbour. He fidgets with his hands, picking at a scab from when his thoughts were so loud he couldn’t bear to wait a few seconds for the knife to reach his wrists. He wanted to do it now, but couldn’t find the energy to go back inside.
Kissing Alex felt so good, so good that it felt like he’d unlocked a part of himself he didn’t know he had. Kissing could actually be fun, and not just a mindless task that made him feel normal. It wasn’t normal for him to want and to like kissing guys but for a moment it didn’t matter. In the bathroom it didn’t matter what society or his family would think of him if he let himself want, he chose not to care for once in his goddamn life. If he never kisses a guy again, Mike will always remember the lightweight feeling in his stomach from the way their tongues mixed together into one.
Mike buried his head into his knees and rocked back and forth. He’d never been normal. From the day that he’d been born he’d been cursed. Things felt so much harder for him than for his friends, and Will was the only one who’d ever understood him. And now he couldn’t stop pushing him away. Pushing his feelings away. Because his feelings terrified him, and the intensity of these feelings terrified him even more. It started off as a wave and soon turned into a whole ocean, as their shared looks and brushed knees became rampant.
Will’s cotton candy pink lips that never left his mind.
His family would be so disappointed in him.
Tears fell down his cheeks one by one as his mind became a storm. His thoughts became his father’s words.
‘He’ll never get married. He can’t even date a girl for more than five minutes!’ Ted argued.
‘Son, I think it’s time you start looking for a nice woman to settle down with. Me and your mother met at your age,” Ted suggested.
“You look like a fag, Son.”
Mike groaned as the memories caused him physical pain.
“Mike?”
The soft like-wool voice made Mike jump, glancing from his knees to see Will looking down at him, worry in his expression.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t— I—I can’t—” Mike gasped in between words as he was finding it increasingly harder to breathe.
“Take your time, Mike. Just breathe. Focus on your breathing,” Will comforted, gently resting his hand on Mike's shoulder. Everything with Will was gentle.
Mike followed his instructions and focused on his breathing, instead of the self hatred that ricocheted through his mind.
Will looked so beautiful under the moonlight, his fluffy hair glossed in white light and sparkles that shone in his eyes. Mike gulped harshly.
Even though his breathing returned to normal, Will didn't take his hand off him.
Mike breathed deeply.
“Did you have…like… any anger or hatred for…not liking girls in that way,” Mike averted his eyes.
“Wha-”
“Did you?” Mike interrupted, pleading with his eyes for his answer.
Will froze. “I mean yes, I did feel sort of angry at myself for being gay.”
“How did you overcome it?”
Will thought for a moment. “I guess it was after I came out. After coming out to Jonathan and my Mom and they accepted me I had no reason to feel that way anymore. The people I love most in this world accepted and supported me so I no longer needed to feel angry. I accepted that being gay is not a bad thing, or well it doesn't have to be, despite what people think. I still have thoughts sometimes about how different things would be if I just liked girls, but I choose to ignore it. I like guys and that's okay,” Will shrugged, smiling into the distance.
Mike frowned. The answer was having a supportive family. Well he didn't have that, or he didn't think so. His Mom had never said anything homophobic but his Dad has said plenty. He wasn't sure about Nancy though.
Like he could read his thoughts, Will said, “but you don't need to come out to family to find happiness. Like, there's so many queer people out there who don't have a supportive family but are still happy. The key is to accept yourself for who you are. And things will be a whole lot easier. Because you can go through life with people saying homophobic stuff to you and it won't matter because you're happy with the way you are.”
“And you're happy?”
“I'm so happy,” Will grinned.
“But how…how did you accept yourself?”
“I found my people. Talking to other queer people really helped. If I hadn't talked to Robin I don't think I ever would've been able to have the courage to come out.”
Mike nodded.
“Was that helpful?” Will asked gently, voice higher pitched than usual.
“Yeah, thanks.”
They didn't talk about it again, and Will didn't ask him why he wanted to know about it, which Mike was grateful for.
Will spoke but Mike didn't catch what he was saying, too busy staring at his lips. They just looked so kissable, and now Mike knows what it feels like to kiss a man, he can't stop wondering what it would feel like to kiss Will.
But he couldn't like men. He just couldn't. He was supposed to be the one to settle down in ten years with a wife and kids. That was supposed to be his ending.
And kissing girls wasn't that bad anyway. As long as he closed his eyes and ignored the need to gag, it would be fine. He'd cope.
—
Instead of going to a random shitty house party full of drunk teenagers, Mike had decided to go to an actual bar instead. He’d never gone to this one before, but there were rumours that they served drinks to under twenty ones. So Mike took his fake licence and prayed that was the case.
Mike recognised the difference straight away. It was full of adults, mainly middle-aged men drinking to forget their solemnity. The vibes were immaculate, stringed led lights setting a romantic mood. Mike got his usual beer despite him obviously not looking twenty one.
A ginger haired girl came up to him and started making goo-goo eyes at him, and without checking to see her age, he followed her into the family bathroom.
It was awkward as no one knew who was kissing first. Mike got fed up with waiting and initiated the kiss, like he’d done so many times before. Her sticky lips felt like glue against his and he loathed it. Their noses kept bumping into each other and this girl was very handsy. Mike had to keep pushing her hands off him. The ginger broke away.
“Sorry, this really isn’t working. Thought you’d be a better kisser,” she complained, leaving the bathroom without another word.
And that was it.
Mike was really never going to be able to kiss another girl again. Not when he knows how much better it is to kiss guys. Kissing wasn’t supposed to just be a mindless task, it was supposed to be physical, making you feel euphoric.
Mike didn’t want to spend his whole life having boring kisses with perfect girls, he craved the intensity and desire he got from men.
Fuck why did he have to be this way. Why couldn’t he have just been born normal? He could’ve settled down with a nice woman and had two children and made his parents proud. Why did he have to fall in love with his guy best friend?
He realised it now. It was love. He never understood what being in love felt like, so he assumed he was in love with El, but he never stared at El the way he stares at Will. He never longed and yearned for El’s touch like he does for Will’s.
He walked home, the buzz of alcohol barely there anymore. Mike loved Will. Mike was in love with Will.
The house was quiet. Ted was asleep on his lay-z-boy and he assumed Karen was upstairs putting Holly to bed after a movie. It was dark too, save for the moonlight spilling in through the windows. Mike stood in the kitchen doorway, examining every inch of it while listening out for any creeks in the house. He moved without thinking, hovering over the knife block.
The sharp knife shone in the dim light, moving as Mike spun it in his hands. He let out a shaky breath as he moved it towards his wrist.
What was he doing? He didn't want this.
Sinking onto the floor, he dropped the knife and inched it far from his reach.
He thought about Will because of course he did. About how a man loving another man could be a really beautiful thing. He thought about Alex and how right that kiss felt compared to the hundreds he'd had before.
A shaky sob left his lips as everything caught up with him. The hard floor beneath him seemed to etch away, and it felt like he was falling into an abyss. A large black hole full of nothingness. There was nothing left to stabilise him now. He was too late.
Accept yourself.
Even if he did he could never live the way his heart desired. People viewed queerness as a disease, he knew his Dad had said so. Even if he did accept himself, he could never openly live that way. It didn’t matter how much he wanted it, it just wasn’t possible.
And it was killing him.
He gasped in between sobs, holding the cold floor with an iron grip. He could never have what he truly wanted. He could never be-
“Mike?”
Mike froze, tears pausing on his cheeks as hatred turned into fear as the realisation that he was not alone hit him hard. Harder than the realisation that he couldn’t love a girl.
Vulnerability in front of another person had never been his strong suit. He was always the one comforting other people.
Glancing up, he found Karen’s worried eyes, standing there in her pyjamas as she watched her son’s tears roll down his face. Mike begged the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” she fussed, kneeling beside him.
Mike couldn’t look at her, his guilt felt like boulders against his shoulders.
“If I told you,” he said, carefully choosing his words, “you wouldn’t be able to look at me again.”
Karen’s stare pierced his skin.
“That’s not true. You’re my son, and nothing will ever change that.”
Mike shook his head.
“I mean it. I’ve never wanted you to feel like you had to hide anything from me. Because there’s nothing in this world that could ever get me to stop loving you,” Karen assured, soothingly rubbing a hand against Mike’s arm wrapped around his knees.
Mike did what he did best. He hid. He buried his face to help him deny that anything was going on. Hiding was the only thing he knew how to do. But he didn’t want to anymore.
“I tried, Mom. I really tried,” he pleaded, “I’ve kissed so many girls and I just— I just can’t.”
He took a breath.
“I don’t like girls. Not in that way. I just can’t.”
The words floated in the dark. He couldn’t believe that he’d just said it aloud for the first time. It felt good for a few seconds before the shame caught up with him. Suddenly, warm arms wrapped around his thin frame.
“I’m glad you felt like you could tell me. Mike, look at me.”
Mike looked up for the first time.
“I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. My parents forced me into a relationship I didn’t want before I was ready, and I made a promise to myself that I would never put that onto my children. I love you so much and I’m so proud of the person you’ve become. And I’ll still love you regardless of who you fall in love with,” Karen proclaimed, teary eyed.
Mike sniffed, a slight smile on his face for the first time in months.
“You really mean that?”
“Of course.”
They stayed on the floor for a while, the knife long forgotten about. Will was right, it did feel good to tell someone. It was like a weight had been lifted. His dirty, private secret no longer pressed on him.
Knowing that he wouldn’t lose his Mom gave him a slight edge of courage that he needed to do the one thing he’d always known he’d wanted.
—
The Byers house always looked so vibrant from the outside. Colourful flowers flooded the lawn as you walked up to their front door, planted especially by Joyce and El. Joyce wanted it to seem inviting and El liked the colours. Mike could hear chatter from where he was standing outside the door, before knocking, slightly more hesitant than usual.
He hadn’t slept the night before, as he’d stayed up preparing what he was going to say.
“Mike!” Joyce greeted, happily bringing him in a hug.
“Hi Mrs Byers. Is Will in?” Mike asked, sheepishly.
“Oh please, it’s Joyce. And yes, he should be in his room,” Joyce replied, stepping out of the way so he could come in.
“Thanks so much.”
Mike greeted El on his way to Will’s room, who was sitting happily watching tv. When Mike peered into Will’s room, who had his door open ajar, he was sketching into his notebook.
“Hey!” Mike said without thinking. Will looked up.
“Hi, Mike. I didn’t hear you come in.”
Mike stepped into his room and Will closed the door behind him.
“It’s fine,” Mike fidgeted nervously.
“Is there a reason why you’re here? Obviously I’m glad I just didn’t know you were coming round today.”
“Yeah no uhm—I guess I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff,” Mike scratched the back of his neck.
“Alright,” Will nodded. Mike sat down next to him on his bed. He looked around. He’d only been in Will’s new bedroom a few times, but every time it looked more and more like Will. Paint brushes thrown everywhere, new paintings hung up on the wall, and brand new yellow wallpaper.
“Is that new?” Mike asked, referring to a painting on his wall that he’s never seen before.
“It is actually! I finished it last week.”
It was a beautiful realistic painting of a dragon, quite similar to the one in the painting Will had given him back in California. Mike swallowed.
“It looks good. You’re really good at painting dragons,” Mike pointed out, causing Will’s face to drop an inch. Most people wouldn’t have spotted it but Will’s been Mike’s friend since kindergarten, so he knows every crevasse in his face.
“I know we’ve talked about it before. How the painting wasn’t commissioned from El. But I always wondered…why you said all that stuff in the van if she didn’t mean it.”
“Because it’s true,” Will spoke up, “you guide the party.”
“But you said that she needs me. And that she always will. How did you know that I wanted that?”
Will shrugged his shoulders.
Mike hummed, “I guess you’ve always known me better than anyone. Since the first day we met.”
Mike continued, “you’ve seen me through everything…and I guess what I wanted to say was thank you. For everything.”
“Mike, It’s really no problem. I am as grateful to have you.”
Mike shook his head, “I just can’t do this anymore.”
Hurt appeared on the other man’s face.
“What?”
“I mean—I’ve had some revelations, and being your best friend—it’s great. But I can’t do it anymore. Because every time you smile and every time we talk and every time you look at me—all I can think about is how badly I want you,” Mike admitted.
Hurt turned into confusion.
“I—I want to take you on movie dates but I don’t actually watch the film because I’m too distracted by the feeling of your hand in mine in the dark. I want to sleep by your side and wake you up when you’re having a nightmare. And I want to kiss you. I mean I really want to kiss you. And I can’t keep pretending anymore,” he confessed, pulling his heart to the end of his sleeve, “and I know we’re just friends and I know you would never want that. So—”
Mike was cut off by a pair of lips colliding into his. Mike kissed back instantly, holding Will’s chin and rubbing his thumb against his cheek like he’d done in all of his dreams.
It was so much better than he’d ever imagined. Will’s lips felt as plump and soft as they looked, Mike couldn’t help but to melt into his lips. It was slow, but also mixed with an unmissable desire that the both of them couldn’t hide.
“You idiot of course I want that. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids,” Will snorted, grinning from ear to ear in a way Mike had never seen.
Mike kissed him first this time. There was nothing slow this time, just hunger and greed. Mike could get used to this.
Mike quickly broke away, flushed, “I love you too.”
“I know,” Will replied, going in to kiss again but Mike stopped it.
Mike placed his index finger over Will’s lips and ran it along them. So soft. Just like cotton.
“Sorry. I’ve always wanted to know what they felt like.”
Will laughed, “you dork.”
“You love it,” Mike bit back.
They kissed again, and Mike knew he was the one. The kiss was perfect. Butterflies swarmed in Mike’s stomach and he couldn’t break away. Breaking away from Will’s rose lips felt like betrayal. Mike knew what a bad kiss felt like, and this didn’t even compare. It was on a universally different level that Mike couldn’t remember why he’d wasted so much of his time kissing girls when kissing Will existed. So many wasted opportunities.
Mike smiled into the kiss, and could feel Will do the same.
It was perfect.