Chapter Text
With the new ability to die acquired, Louis had decided to call it a day and head back to town.
In his defense, he’d argue that he should’ve called it a day over twelve hours ago: the sun shining high in the middle of the sky told him it was around noon by now and he was pretty sure that the doctor at the very least would be on his side.
It didn’t mean he was eager to go back to the nightmares, though. This was probably the reason why he decided to stop in his tracks and strike up a conversation with Apo when he’d found her on the way to his house.
“Apo!” He called out brightly and observed the way her long auburn hair moved with the wind as she turned around to face him, a smile on her face.
“Hey, Luanne.” She greeted back, raising her hand up ever so slightly in a miniature wave.
“We haven’t hung out in a bit,” Louis noted, remembering their last, brief small talk in front of his house. They hadn’t even spoken a word to each other when they'd been together earlier in the night. In hindsight, Louis hadn’t spoken to many; he didn’t know whether the tomb they’d gone to at first had a tome or was empty.
“I know, right?” Apo agreed, a small smile making it’s way to her face. “I meant to snatch you as my buddy, but Legs got to it first. I had to be with Scott, can you imagine?”
The sentence was oddly familiar. He’d heard the exact same coming from the noble.
So he didn’t change the script. “I’m sure Scott’s not that bad,” he tried to assure, “He’s very sweet with Shelby. He helped Cleo out.”
“Then I’ll leave him up for them, next time.” Apo concluded with a proud expression on her face. While it hadn’t been the conclusion Louis had hoped to reach, her smile was worth it, and he supposed it was close enough.
“I don’t think he likes me either, to be fair.” She said in a way to defend herself, hiding her dislike of the nobleman in a way that could be interpreted as reasonable. Louis simply listened. “I was the first one down that first crypt, and he never even came down. How’s that for a buddy system?”
Louis tried to ignore the fact that he, too, left Legundo down in that crypt alone, without a buddy. He’d encouraged him to stay with Owen and not to follow him, but Louis still didn’t know a thing about what happened down there.
“Was there even a tome in that tomb?” He asked, if only to be aware of something, not to be left in the dark. Maybe he could even ask how the entire group got split up.
“Boy, did it!” Apo let out with a high pitched voice, and Louis tried to avoid looking away and blushing—he knew that boy wasn’t really addressed to him, but he couldn’t help but hope, in some stupid way: he could tell Apo. She was like him, after all.
He wouldn’t.
“I got the tome.” She announced. It certainly explained why she felt so proud, then—out of all the people she’d been with, which were far less civil than the group Louis had been with—though he wouldn’t call Owen civilised—she’d been the one to manage to snatch the tome. It was quite the feat.
“How badly did you have to wrestle the others for it?” Louis asked a hint of a smile creeping up his own face—a tease here or there couldn’t hurt. “Be honest.”
“Nothing the doctor couldn’t handle,” Apo waved off, causing Louis to laugh—he supposed that it was the reason why his roommate was so adamant on going down there, after all. “I’d say even you would’ve fought for it, but you’re friends with Avid and roommates with Legs. Opposite worlds, yet you’re still sane. Props to you.”
Louis allowed himself a snort. Just a singular one. “I suppose… what makes you say that, though?”
“The tome gives me extra health,” Apo explained, a playful smirk on her face telling Louis that there was something more to it. “So long as I pray to whatever mighty power I believe in.”
And didn't that bring Louis right back to the tomb with his buddy?
In desperate times, Louis mused over the words, many turn to faith. Owen hadn’t been speaking of experience. Or at least, he wasn’t speaking of personal experience, that much, he was sure.
If he’d used them out of malice, knowing the effect they'd have on Legundo, he wouldn’t be surprised. But now, Louis was starting to think that maybe, his buddy had already been bothered before Owen had bought it up.
“How did the doctor react?” Louis couldn’t help himself from asking. Apo raised a singular eyebrow, let her lips tilt upwards slightly, then decided she would elaborate.
“He was a bit concerned. He kept asking me about the effects it had on me.” Louis recognized her words to be honest—not only because he didn’t think Apo would lie to him, not like this, not about this—but also because it sounded exactly like his roommate.
“It did keep on interrupting my prayer, and I told them as much, along with the fact that I wasn’t… Well, I wasn’t praying.” …the sentence silenced Louis, in the way it probably also silenced his fellow towns members, waiting for Apo to continue, to explain.
He was also wondering how much relief Legundo may have felt when he’d heard that.
“The book said something along the lines of whatever God I believe in,” she eventually continued, “But I think you could guess that I’m not exactly your typical christian boy—”
“On account of you being a girl,” Louis filled in the blank.
Apo froze, turned to look directly in his eye, and he couldn’t help but feel a wave of understanding. Louis could probably kill to hear the exact same, with the genders reversed.
But he wouldn’t, because he couldn’t even tell Apo. The words died in his throat as he thought them.
I’m like you, you know.
“...sure,” she shrugged off, shaking away the slight blush on her cheeks, “So I didn’t actually like, start praying God or whatever. I just started thinking about Cherri.”
Cherri?
Either the confusion was crystal clear on Louis’ face the millisecond post the uttering of that sentence, or Apo realized that he didn’t know what she was talking about, or the fact that she herself hadn’t meant to say these words, because her mouth immediately closed shut, bringing her hand up to her mouth in a way that almost brushed her lips.
“Forget I said that.” She shut down, leaving the tension—since when had there been tension, Louis didn’t know—hang for a second. Then, she spoke back up. “That made us kind of come to the conclusion the books were more of a psychological component, or whatever that means.“
Louis didn’t know what that entailed either, but they sounded like smart words, and had probably been uttered by Legundo, and such were likely true.
“That means it’s kind of really good. If I can just think of—who I love to activate the ability.” Louis nodded along, making a point not to question Apo’s choice of cords, not to shut her down like she did herself mere seconds ago, even if he couldn’t exactly follow, considering he didn’t even know what the ability did. “Because it makes me feel better.”
Better. How better?
“It makes me feel healthier. I haven’t felt any of the sleep deprivation symptoms—whatever that means—or felt nauseous, or anything. I also feel stronger.” Though she hesitated before adding; “It’s just a feeling though, I think. I tested it out on Sausage, and I don’t seem to hit any harder.”
Louis does not stop to wonder why Sausage would be able to tell the difference between a punch pre-activation of the ability and post-activation.
“You’re definitely lucky, then.” Louis settled on saying, “I sure have been feeling the lack of sleep catch up to me. I think the only thing that’s kept me awake is the concern I felt when I saw everybody split up.”
“That’s part of my fault, actually. My bad.” Apo said, a sheepish smile coming up her face. “Not really. I mean, Avid wandered away, and not only is my job to make sure you’re all safe, but I also took up my chance to get away from Scott.”
Louis ignored the part about Apo leaving her buddy, whether that be because he didn’t want to think poorly of Apo, or because his view of the nobleman had been stained by his friends, he didn’t care. He felt as though there were more pressing matters.
“Sorry—what did Avid do?” Louis had met a grand variety of kids and teenagers all throughout his stay at the orphanage, but they usually learnt the safety protocols by the age of twelve.
“Listen, I don’t even know,” Apo admitted with an annoyance clear in her voice. “You’ll have to ask him, because I’m not talking to him more than I have to.”
At Louis’ blank expression, she continued.
“Well, he went into the Castle ruins when we all knew the girls already went there. Splitting off from the group. Going in all alone, without his buddy.” That didn’t make sense. If Louis had learnt anything from Avid, it was that he would never do such a thing. But…
Memories flooded back about Avid’s newest friend, Renhardt, one of the few towns members Louis didn’t particularly consider himself close with, but he had been his buddy, hadn’t he?
“Why didn’t he go in with Ren? I swear they got along.” He questioned.
“I think he said something about Ren?” She admitted, “But I wasn’t really listening.”
Great. Great. The feelings he was feeling must have been crystal clear on his face, because Apo immediately tried to provide some sort of comfort:
“But he ended up being fine! I walked him back to town, and I know for a fact he’s over at Ren’s new place at the moment.” Louis did not stop to think about Ren's new place. Instead, he stopped to take in a few deep breaths and let the relief overtake him. Ren was Avid's buddy. They would be fine, so long as the boy didn't wander into the woods alone.
"That's... okay. I'll have to visit Ren sometime soon." He'd pass it off as Ren apparently getting a new place, not even a few weeks into his first. But he simply wanted to know more of the man which Avid seemed to liked so much nowadays. All he knew was that his tongue either got cursed by a witch, or suffered long term effects of food poisoning...
"Just give him some space, I think he's being crowded by every other town member at the moment." Apo noted, and Louis himself made a point not to visit the man until he was left alone ever so slightly more.
"That's... fair." He agreed.
"If you're worried about how he lost Avid, don't." Apo brought back the subject topic confidently, if a bit sheepishly. "The girls literally told us they were going to the Castle. I think Cleo's exact words is 'I think the Castle one's done already, but we'll check on it anyway.'"
Louis wasn't present for that moment, but he had since a couple of girls group up together and leave the perimeter of Oakhurst together, so he simply nodded along. He felt some sort of gratefulness bubble up in his stomach for not having been there. He wasn't being grouped up with the girls.
One look at Apo made him think: Apo wasn't either.
It felt stupid to read into something so much to find a meaning, especially if there clearly wasn't one. They could never have known about Louis. They... could know of Apo, but they weren't the smartest lot.
"Her roommate did say something about it being weird too, I think." Louis snapped out of his thoughts to continued listening to the story. It was probably the lack of sleep making him less attentive, letting his thoughts wander, his senses dissipate... "It's probably why she was so—"
But Apo was interrupted.
"My God, if you're gonna speak about me, at least throw some diversity in there." the loud, familiar authoritative voice pierced through their conversation: Cleo. "It's always she that, she this, this her and that her. Just throw some they's in there. It won't kill you."
Silence. Silence overtook the now trio. Cleo was standing tall over them, arms crossed and observing their faces. Apo and Louis both stood together, their minds likely equally racing.
Just throw some they's in there. Was.. Was Cleo openly asking them to use different pronouns for her? Them?
Louis had never heard of anybody using such pronouns to define themselves—but hadn't he just done it? Used they and them to refer to a person, and sure, it was a hypothetical one, but...
Well. He'd never heard of a woman using a masculine name and pronouns to refer to himself in his head, and yet here he was.
It was confusing. It was unheard of. It was just like him.
"I'm sorry??" Apo choked out. Louis internally winced.
Cleo sighed, said, "You're excused." and turned around, walking away.
With one shared glance, both Apo and Louis ran to catch up with them.
"Wait, I'm sorry, genuinely this time!" Apo apologized quickly, getting the words out as quickly as she humanly could, "I didn't mean as though—like—like I'm weirded out, or anything, considering—heh—uh."
Louis has a gut feeling that Apo was not making it better for herself. But he wasn't better off, was he, with his mouth shut and his deer-caught-in-headlights expression on his face, observing, scrutinizing Cleo with his eyes. Cleo. She. They. Louis felt the questions flood his mind, and a deep, deep need to learn grow in his stomach.
Back in his old village, all he knew of people like him were homosexuals, which were burnt at the stake for the crime of love. It didn't take a genius to guess that he couldn't tell people he was born with the wrong anatomy. He was his sole example, the only person to ever be trans in his village. He assumed and hoped there were other people like him in the world, not because he wished them the discomfort, but because he simply didn't want to be alone. It was easy to imagine the opposite, a man wanting to become a woman in the same way he wanted to be a man. It was easy.
And he came to Oakhurst, and it was true, and there was Apo, who was a woman in the military, a sentence which not even the wisest of men and women could have ever thought to utter. Something impossible. Yet she existed, just like him. And their existence was so weird, so foreign to so many people in the world, that people didn't even blink at Apo. Didn't even consider the possibility.
Now, Louis was met with something he'd never thought of before.
Throw some they's in there. Cleo hadn't told them to entirely stop referring to them with she, but had asked to add another pronoun into the mixt. Multiple pronouns had never ever crossed his mind. Even less so using they.
Due to that, he wanted to learn. He truly did.
If only his mouth was screwed shut, if only his fight or flight response wasn't freeze, whenever it came to his gender identity. But then again...
He felt the hands grabbing his arms. The screams and accusations of vampirism.
"I get it, I get it, you're young, you don't know how to react to things you've never seen before." Cleo told Apo in a weird attempt to comfort her, which didn't seem to work, on the account of them both being in their twenties.
Louis was in his thirties. He had no excuse to act like a child at the moment.
"I'm not a woman," Cleo explained, "I'm not sure I'm much of anything, really, but I'm definitely not a woman, and I could never be a man. Not that I'd want to. I'm something else."
Vampire!
No. Shut up, shut up—
"I suppose I'm just me. And I've never really minded the feminine pronouns people use for me—it's whatever, it's just pronouns—but not using they feels like they're ignoring that part of me." They explained. "I'm not a woman. I don't mind being referred to as she, but not using they feels like you're ignoring that part of me."
"Do you mind being referred to as he?" Apo interrupted.
"God no. Can you imagine?"
"Same."
They made it look so easy. So easy to talk, so easy to be, when all Louis could do was hide, hide, hide, smile prettily and be the perfect housewife for the next man to come. If only not to be burnt at the stake.
And how did that turn out?
"Yeah, I know." Cleo said, and Apo froze in a way that almost reminded Louis of himself. "I'm not dumb, Apo. A woman in the military? Really? I just didn't say anything not to make myself a hypocrite."
"Well—could you not say it out? In public? In front of the town beacon?" Apo asked nervously, with a small laugh. Though it ended the second she caught Cleo's deadpan look.
"Right. Well, so long as you're down to use my pronouns, we won't have any other problems. Right, Luanne?"
Right, Luanne?
Damn it!
"Oh no, Luanne's been one of the biggest supporters when she... found out. I think she's just got issues."
Louis mumbled something under his breath even he couldn't make out. What could he say to that? At the very least, the action got a snort out of Cleo, which brought a blush straight to his cheeks.
"If you want to tell anyone anything, I'm here, by the way." They said. "And I recommend seeing the girls. I mean, I told Pearl the second, she, you know, and she encouraged me to tell the girls. They were very nice."
Was Cleo speaking to Louis? Or Apo? Either way, he wasn't the one to answer to that.
"Hah—yeah," She struggled out, "...yeah."
"You're one of the girls too." Cleo affirmed. "And... I suppose... if you're worried, Pearl's a monster hunter, and she's as cis as can be. So they're not doubting you or anything."
Cis?
"...Thanks." Apo thanked.
She... didn't seem phased by the term. Was it another lack of knowledge Louis had accumulated by his lack of education in the village? He didn't know, but he wanted to. While he hadn't been able to contribute to the conversation at all, he could still understand it.
So he put on his big boy gloves on, picked up a few tools and loosened the screws.
"What does cis...mean?"
"Oh, so she can talk." Cleo said, then took back: "I'm just teasing. It's a term Drift taught me."
"The Doctor was the one that told me about it, so I think it's pretty legit." Apo piped up.
"It's the opposite of transgender. When somebody's born a certain way and stays that way. Kind of boring, if you ask me." They explained, "It's not that widespread. But it's better than saying normal people when talking of people that aren't trans. We're normal too..."
She hesitated. "...Well, maybe not Apo. But I don't think that that's because she's a woman."
"That was unnecessary!" Said woman screeched.
"So, like, you're cisgender. We're transgender."
Right. And just as Louis was about to shut down, pick back up the screws and make sure he never spoke up ever again, he kicked them instead.
"That's—sure," Louis let out, "We can say that."
He noticed the wide grin spreading across Cleo's face. Saw the squinting face Apo made.
"Well then, you'll excuse me, but I've got things to do." She announced, "I want to give Ren a visit, and talk a little with the Doctor. I was just with Martyn, too, Apo. He was looking for you with Sausage, apparently."
Immediately, the woman seemed to have entirely dropped the comment that Louis had made, to let out a groan. "Nooo. Not these two again."
With a wicked expression on their face, Cleo skipped right past them and left them alone.
Apo then turned to Louis with pleading eyes, "Luanne," she begged, "Please accompany me with them. I can't be around these idiots much longer, I need someone sane."
Paying no mind to the sleep Louis had planned on getting, he chuckled, and followed along. It seemed as though they'd be crashing a fishing party.