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It was supposed to be a simple case.
Sam and Cas were helping Eileen in a nearby town; Dean had just gotten back from his own case, a truly simple salt and burn, and Sam had to practically force him to stay behind, assuring Dean that he and Cas were "totally fine, and with Eileen, it'll be a piece of cake…or pie".
Dean had rolled his eyes, but didn't continue to argue, and after an assurance that if anything turned nasty, Sam would call, he turned in for the night.
When Cas and Sam had met up with Eileen in a town an hour from the bunker, she had gone over the details:
Three victims; each found nearly bleeding to death in their homes. A bite mark was found near an artery: one victim along their thigh, and the other two on their necks. The victims had each recounted what had been a regular day, nothing remotely out of the ordinary. But any memory of what happened during the attack, was gone.
There was no sign of forced entry, but the each attack had been interrupted, as if the assailant was unprepared, the spouse of each victim arriving home just in the nick of time, the assailant running off as the spouse tended to their loved ones, only having seen a glimpse of whatever monster the hunters were after.
"I could've sworn…it…it looked almost exactly like me." The wife of the second victim had explained. "But it was far away…it might've had similar…features…I guess?"
Sam had thanked her gently, allowing her to attend to her wife, and turned to Eileen and Cas.
"Shifters." Sam guessed, shaking his head. “All three victims’ spouses reported a suspect running away from the scene with similar features of themselves, so my guess is, the victims open the door, thinking they're seeing their loved one, and then it attacks.”
“Seems kind of…new?” Cas offered as they drove up to the motel they were staying at.
“New?”
“The shifter’s been caught each time.” Cas explained. “Seems like its…naive maybe? Inexperienced…”
Sam nodded, running a hand through his hair.
Since the case was localized in a small town, Sam and Cas decided to stay with Eileen in a motel. They rehashed everything with her, and she agreed this shifter was probably young, though the bite marks they didn't have a clue about.
After a thorough call to Dean, the trio had called it a night.
But Cas couldn't sleep; becoming human came with bouts of insomnia, and after tossing and turning for over an hour, Cas decided to go out for a walk.
He was in the local gas'n'sip across from the motel, with a cup of stale lukewarm coffee in one hand, and trying to decided between an honey bun and a cinnamon bun, when a man bumped into him, knocking the coffee out of his hand.
"Oh, sorry—" The man had sputtered, hands gripping Cas by the arms, preventing him from falling over. The man's hands were cold against Cas's bare arms, having just a t-shirt on given the humid night, and it startled Cas. He muttered that he was fine, and went to collect some paper towels to clean up the spilled coffee. He had briefly glanced in the mirror in the corner of the ceiling when he did a double take.
The man's eyes had flashed.
Feeling a rush of adrenaline, Cas turned abruptly, only for the man to shove him back, grabbing the coffee pot and smashing it across Cas's forehead.
There was a scuffle, shouting coming from the cashier when Cas slipped in the coffee, falling hard onto the ground with a grunt, the man sprinting out into the night.
* * *
"You're lucky you won't need stitches." Sam grimaced, holding Cas's head under the dim lamp in the motel room.
"I know, I'm fine—" Cas huffed, frantically dialing Dean's number for the third time, to no avail.
"Anything?" Sam asked, looking down at Cas's phone, his tone soft, etched with worry.
"No…but I mean, its not like the shifter would know exactly where Dean is, would it? The bunker is an hour away—" Cas sighed, grimacing as Sam placed a bandage over the cut.
"What makes you think the shifter would go after Dean?" Sam asked, hesitantly.
Cas avoided Sam's knowing gaze, redialing Dean's number. When the familiar sound of Dean's voicemail played, Cas gripped the phone tightly, seething.
“We know that shifters can access the memories of the person they shifted into…” Cas inhaled sharply. “The victims were attacked by someone they loved…I…” Cas bit his lip, his stomach in knots. "Something just doesn't feel right Sam, especially since I can’t get a hold of Dean—"
"Dean can take care of himself." Sam said, smiling softly. "But if you want, we can head back to the bunker tonight, for a peace of mind, and tomorrow look over the case with fresh eyes."
Cas nodded, already grabbing his barely unpacked duffel.
Within five minutes, the three of them were in the impala, heading back to Dean.
* * *
Having the bunker to himself was a rare treat, and Dean was not going to waste it.
As much as he would've wanted to be there for Sam and Cas, he couldn't help be excited to have the bunker all to himself; he took a long bath, used some fancy soap he had stashed away unbeknownst to anyone, and had Metallica blasting with no one to complain of the noise. His phone was…somewhere, but he was on his third—no fourth—beer and was feeling incredibly blissed out.
Dean had just put on How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (don’t judge him, it's a classic), when he heard a knock on the bunker door. A very specific patterned knock, a kind of knock only one person, albeit now former angel, did. Dean huffed, climbing the stairs slowly just to annoy the former angel.
"What, Cas? Come here because you lot actually do need my help, eh?" Dean teased as he opened the door, letting in a disgruntled looking former angel.
Cas shot him a look, before rolling his eyes as he stepped around Dean.
"No…they've taken care of it…"
"What, damn, already?" Dean shrugged. "What, so Sam wanted some alone time with Eileen?" He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Uh, yes…?" Cas said, eyes narrowed in confusion.
Dean let out laugh as he walked back down the stairs. "Oh, you innocent angel." He muttered. "Well…I was about to hit the head, sorry, kinda already had dinner."
"That's alright, Dean. I'm kinda tired so I think I'll…'hit the head' too."
Dean smirked at the quotation marks so evident in Cas's tone. "Alright, well, good night, Cas."
"Good night, Dean."
It didn't even occur to Dean to ask how Cas got back to the bunker without a car.
* * *
Cas dialed Dean’s number again as Sam drove fast along the stretch of highway, the soft ping of a phone made both men stiffen.
Eileen next to them stiffened as well, her face, illuminated by the glow of her phone, grim as she read the text.
The sheriff we talked too,” She signed and spoke at the same time turning to face Cas. “They said one of the victims remembered something. They said,” Eileen continued, reading off the text, “that they felt drugged…though there weren’t any toxins found in their system when they were brought in to the hospital, they recalled feeling paralyzed…I think…”
“Wha-what is it?” Cas’s voice shook.
“Whatever we’re dealing with…I don’t think it’s just a shifter.”
Cas face pale, nausea rising. He dialed Dean again his heart hammering in his chest. Sam had stiffened, stepping on the gas pedal.
* * *
Dean hadn't gone straight to sleep, but ended up watching his movie in the comfort of his bed. He had noticed occasionally footsteps loitering outside his door, but Cas never knocked or anything and Dean bit back his tongue from inviting the former angel. He'd love nothing more to watch one of his favorite movies with his best friend, but having Cas in his bed, while watching a rom-com, yeah no, Dean beer-fueled mind wasn't ready for that.
Dean had been settled into bed, the lights turned off, for maybe about twenty minutes, when he heard his door creak open. When he peaked open his eyes, he startled back slightly when he saw Cas was standing by his bedroom door.
"Hey—Cas." He turned over, sitting up slightly to turn on his bedside lamp. "What's up?"
Cas didn't respond, but looked at Dean, the strange expression on his face illuminated by the light from the hallway. He shut the door behind himself before walking towards Dean. Before the hunter could react, Cas was in his bed, climbing on top of Dean, gripping his neck.
Dean sucked in a breath, trying to shove Cas off.
"Ca—" Dean choked, his eyes widening in confusion as Cas tightened his grip.
Dean writhed in the bed, his heart rate skyrocketing as he felt a rush of fear. He tried to push definitely not Cas off of him, but he couldn't move his head, and then Cas leaned forward, pressing his lips against Dean's. It's breath hot and thick against Dean's face as it pressed its lips harder against Dean's, its tongue darting into Dean's mouth, forcing him open. Dean let out a grunt, desperately trying to break the kiss, grimacing as he felt a tongue against his own, a bitter taste enveloping his mouth. Dean’s eyes widened as he saw the familiar blue eyes shift to a strange yellow, and he squirmed, trying to look away and break free from the monster’s grip.
“Look in my eyes Dean.” The monster sneered.
Dean squirmed, trying to shut his eyes but the monster was quicker and he gripped Dean’s cheeks, holding his face tightly, his yellow eyes swirling, the black pupils dilating. Dean felt fear coarse through his veins, and then…
And then he just didn't care.
His panic had completely dissipated.
Paralyzing peace washed over him, his body stilling instantly. The hypnotizing eyes of the monster doing its job as Dean's limbs fell pliant.
He could still feel things, but he couldn't move. And he didn’t care.
He felt the blankets slide off him, the decidedly not Cas keeping his eyes on Dean as he dragged his underwear down. Dean couldn't move, could barely think that this was wrong, that this wasn't Cas. His body felt tingling, his mind in a fog, not caring he was now almost completely naked with the imposter straddling him.
He could feel everything; the weight of the fake Cas on him, the sharpness of it's nails as it crawled down Dean's body, leaving behind cuts along his skin. He could feel the humid breath emitting from Cas—no, the monster—as it mouthed at Dean's skin.
The air in the room stilled; for a moment Dean thought he had gone deaf, but then he heard the faint sound of footsteps, and something…or someone was banging on his door.
He let out a grunt as the monster gripped Dean's throat again, his claws digging into his skin as he snarled.
The imposter Cas looked down at him hungrily, his lips twitching up into a smirk. "You love me, don't you?"
Dean lips twitched, grinning slightly, his eyes dazed. He was vaguely aware that that was supposed to be a secret, but for some reason admitting it was incredibly easy, and Dean didn't feel scared.
"Mmm…I love you too, Dean." The imposter sneered, his eyes pulsing as it looked at Dean with intense hunger.
Dean felt his heart flutter, his mind foggy as he dwelled on the words he dreamed of hearing for years. He sucked in a surprised breath as the monster bit down on his thigh, sucking at the blood. Dean's eyes started getting heavy, the spark diminishing as he grew more and more weak, blood pooling in his lap as the monster drank.
The room spun, and Dean suddenly felt cold, his vision fading as he grew more and more tired as the monster drank his blood. He vaguely thought he heard some shouting…something was shaking his door…but it was like he had no willpower to even bother caring…and then the Cas in front of him started to grip him tighter, the claws around his throat breaking the skin.
When he thought he heard someone shout his name behind his bedroom door, it was like experiencing a lucid dream; body paralyzed and yet the fog in his mind shifting as something tugged at the back of his brain.
Dean's thoughts started to turn more and more sluggish, his body growing colder and colder, and it was getting harder to breath as Cas—no not Cas—this monster drank his blood.
It all happened so fast.
A loud noise, a flash of movement, the monster's eyes flashing as it whipped around, its claws scratched open Dean’s skin, a loud growl filling the room as a blade was impaled the monster in the chest, nearly black blood gushing out of the wound as the monster bled from every orifice, drenching Dean in the thick, black blood.
The blade disappeared and then swiped along the throat, and as the life dimmed out of the monster, its lifeless body fell off the bed in a bloody heap.
Dean sputtered, taking in painful breaths as he spat out blood from his mouth as the paralyzing hypnosis evaporated from his body.
"Dean!" A shout came from somewhere, and then someone was climbing towards Dean, tossing a bloody angel blade to the side as he tried to wipe off the blood that had splattered onto Dean's face.
Dean's body was shaking, tears spilling out of his eyes as he no longer felt paralyzed, his body convulsing as he felt pain flare up everywhere.
"Cas?" Dean's voice cracked, sounding painfully hoarse.
"Yeah, shhh, don't talk…your throat—" Cas let out a straggled noise, cupping his hand around Dean’s neck to stop the bleeding.
"Wha—I don't underst—" Dean gagged, contorting his body to turn around, tremors raking through his body as he vomited.
Cas's eyes were frantic as he tried to hold Dean steady as he emptied his stomach, his body shaking violently.
When Dean let out a ragged breath, nearly falling off the bed, Cas wrapped a blanket around Dean, wiping away some blood that was close to getting into Dean's eyes.
"Dean!" A shout came from the door, and in Dean's blurry vision he saw Sam rushing in.
"Sam?" Dean coughed up some blood, his voice wavering as his eyes welled up.
Sam let out a shaky breath, his eyes flickering back to Dean. "Was he…did it feed on him?"
Cas turned around, still keeping his grip on Dean steady. "I…I don't know…I killed it but…but I don't…I don't know if it bit Dean—" Cas sucked in a breath, his voice wavering as he eyed Dean.
Dean's eyes were flashing back and forth between Sam and Cas, unable to follow the conversation. "Cas…" He said weakly, his eyes were glistening, tears streaming down his face, leaving tracks through the remaining blood.
"Dean," Cas started, cupping Dean's face. "Did it bite you?"
Dean looked at Cas, confused, his brows furrowed.
"Dean?" Cas said again, his voice shaking. But Dean didn't respond, his eyes wide and panic. Cas took in a breath. "Let's get you cleaned up, Dean." He let out a shuddering, guiding Dean off the bed, on the opposite side where the monster's body lay.
Dean blinked slowly, his mind too slow to properly understand what was happening. He tried standing up, but his legs shook too much, and he nearly lost his balance, the blanket falling off as he lost his footing. Cas immediately wrapped his arm around Dean, trying to hold him steady.
Dean winced, his vision swimming, his body aching painfully as pain flared around his thigh and neck.
"Imma pass out—" His words slurred before completely collapsing into Cas's arms.
Cas let out a gasp, picking up Dean into his arms before he could fall to the ground again.
Sam sucked in a breath. "I'm going to check the lore…anything that might help…" He swallowed, trying to remain calm. Cas nodded in acknowledgement, trying his attention back to Dean.
Cas gently carried Dean to the showers, setting him carefully down on floor beside a bench before quickly turning on one of the showers. As the water warmed, Cas gathered a damp cloth, and began to wash off the blood along Dean's face and throat. Dean started to stir, his eyes blinking open as he regained consciousness.
"I don't…feel good Cas—" Dean croaked, his voice barely a whisper, his eyes welling up again.
"Shush, it'll be alright Dean." Cas murmured, his face pained. He quickly pulled off his blood splattered jacket, before gently picking up Dean to his feet.
Wordlessly, Cas helped Dean into the shower, not caring he was getting soaked through his clothes as he held Dean under the spray. Dean clutched him tightly, his eyes closed as Cas brushed his hands through Dean's hair, rinsing out the blood.
When all the blood had been washed away, Cas gently guided Dean back to the bench, wrapping him in a clean towel. He pulled out a first aid kit, and looked at the cuts and bruising around Dean's throat. The cuts weren't deep, so after cleaning them thoroughly, he wrapped them in bandages.
"Dean…" Cas spoke carefully. "Did the shifter bite you?"
"It kissed me." Dean whispered, his lip trembling as a few tears leaking out of his glistening eyes.
Cas felt a wave of nausea, sucking in a shuddering breath.
"And…yeah…I think it bit me…" Dean wavered to his lap, his jaw clenching.
Cas grimaced. "I need to clean and bandage the bite—" He gestured to the towel wrapped around Dean's waist.
Dean grimaced, his jaw clenching as he pulled the towel up just enough to reveal his upper thigh, holding the towel tightly in his lap. He winced as he tried to spread his legs, feeling a sense of shame flood through him.
"It's okay, Dean. I'll be quick." Cas assured Dean, gently cleaning the bite with a antiseptic wipe. It was deep but short, and in need of stitches. Cas cleaned it thoroughly before grabbing a first aid kit they kept nearby and methodically sewed Dean's skin back together. Dean was trembling where he sat, tears streaming down his face as he tried to breath. He gripped the towel, keeping his gaze away from where Cas worked.
When he was done, Cas wrapped a tight bandage around the wound before siting back.
"Dean?" Cas looked at Dean, his voice soft and gentle.
Dean looked up at Cas, his breathing growing ragged. "Cas—what—" He sucked in a breath, his eyes wild. "I don't…understand…what—what was it?"
Cas's expression turned pained. "It was a shifter…or something different…Sam and I aren't sure yet…"
Dean sucked in a breath, his face flushing in shame.
"I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough—" Cas started, his throat burning as he tried to take in a breath.
Dean shook his head, his brow furrowed. "Not your fault." His voice shook, his words sluggish, but his jaw was clenched as he stared at the ground. His eyes burned, tears spilling out on their own accord and Dean's body started to shake again.
Cas swallowed, feeling guilt burn behind his eyes. "Come on, lets get you dressed." He murmured, trying to pull Dean up to his feet.
Dean shook his head, his breaths coming out ragged. "I…I need to throw up again—" His face paled as he emptied his stomach again, nearly missing Cas's lap.
Cas rubbed a hand along Dean's back, holding him steady as Dean continued to vomit. When it appeared Dean was done, his eyes closed as he slumped against Cas, his breathing uneven, Cas gently lifted him to his feet. He gently held him up, guiding him to his bedroom.
"We'll get your room cleaned up, but for now, just sleep in my bed."
Dean nodded stiffly, grimacing as tried to hold himself up. His breathing was turning more ragged, feeling his emotions out of control. He could feel his eyes well up again as he took in a shaky breath, his body trembling violently.
Cas settled Dean down on his bed before pulling out some sweatpants and a hoodie from his dresser. When Cas knelt in front of Dean, he saw Dean's face was flushed red, his lip trembling as tears spilled out of his eyes. Cas watched as Dean's expression turned pained as he seemed to realize something.
"Cas…why…" Dean hiccuped, wiping his eyes. "Why am I crying…I can't—" His voice shook, his eyes pleading as he looked at Cas. "I can't stop crying—"
Cas's heart ached at the sight. "Dean…" Cas started, trying to keep his voice steady as he cupped Dean's cheek. "You’re in shock, but you’ll be okay…Sam and I…we'll look into it, okay?"
Dean's lips shook as he tried to breathe. "He…the monster…acted just like you…said you loved me." He let out a weak whine, tears spilling out as he tried to hide his face from Cas. "It wasn't…it was—wasn't—you—" He stuttered as he tried to catch his breath.
Cas's own eyes began to well up. "Dean, shhh, it’s alright." He wrapped his arms around Dean, cupping his head against his shoulder. Dean began to shake against him, his sobs growing louder as he broke down completely.
Cas held him tightly, murmuring every so often to ground Dean. Dean gripped Cas's damp shirt, his breath hot as he cried into Cas's shoulder.
Cas's thoughts began to spiral; if he had been quicker, if he hadn't gone out, if he had just stayed in the motel room, none of this would of happened, Dean would be fine, if he had been slower, if they had gotten to the bunker ten, five minutes later, Dean could be—
"Cas?" Sam gently knocked on the door, peeking inside. "Is Dean—"
Cas, still holding a shaking Dean, carefully looked over his shoulder. "I think he'll be fine…let me just…" He took in a shaky breath. "I'll be out there in a minute."
Sam nodded, walking back to the library.
Dean's breathing began to even out and Cas relaxed his grip, cupping Dean's face gently. Wiping a few stray tears away, he noticed how red Dean's face was, his eyes red and puffy, his lips swollen. Dean's eyes were closed, his body limp.
"Dean?"
"Mm real tired, Cas—" Dean's voice was barely a whisper, hoarse and dry.
Cas nodded. "That's expected. I'll get you some Tylenol, you'll probably have a headache, and—"
"I don't want to be alone, Cas."
"I won't leave you, Dean. I'll be here."
Dean let out a whine, still keeping his arms around Cas.
"Dean…we should…get you dressed…"
Dean stiffened, his jaw clenching. "Sorry—" His voice wavered as he tried to get up, his arms stiff.
"No, no, Dean." Cas softened, cupping Dean's face gently. "Its okay…I'll help, if you want me to?"
Dean nodded, wiping his eyes as a few more tears leaked out. He sucked in a shaky breath as he moved his feet over the edge of the bed.
Dean looked away from Cas, grimacing as he saw how close the towel was from falling open. With Cas's help, he stood up, only for his legs to give out beneath him, falling into Cas's arms.
"'m sorry—" Dean grumbled, feeling flustered.
"It's alright, Dean." Cas assured him as he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, holding him steady.
Cas helped him into the clothes, trying to give Dean some privacy but Dean refused to let go of Cas, only briefly as he pulled on the hoodie.
"Get some sleep, Dean." Cas whispered as Dean leaned back into the bed.
Dean let out a shaky breath, his eyes already closed. His hand clutched Cas's tightly, never loosening until sleep pulled him under.
After a few moments, Cas eased his hand out from under Dean's. Cas quickly pulled on some dry clean clothes before texting Sam, not wanting to leave Dean.
* * *
With a cup of tea in hand that was growing cold and untouched, Cas sat by his bed, Dean fast asleep as he tried to tell Sam and Eileen everything Dean told him about the monster.
"It looked like me, and Dean said…said that it acted like me." Cas wiped his eyes as a few tears escaped. “Like a shifter…but it bit Dean on the thigh, near the artery, like the other victim. And Dean…"
"Dean was, what?" Sam asked, his brow furrowed in worry.
"He kept…crying." Cas said simply, his voice wavering. "He even…even was aware that he was and couldn't stop…I think whatever this…thing was…it feeds on something, something other than blood…that makes its victims anxious…and sad?" Cas wondered out loud.
Sam thought for a moment. "The other victims, they did seem…sad, and I mean…I just assumed with the attack and everything, it made sense…but maybe…"
"Maybe the monster feeds on dopamine and oxytocin?" Eileen offered, signing as she spoke. "Those chemicals…a depletion of them can make someone feel hopeless?"
"That would make sense…" Sam said, running a hand through his hair as he sighed. "You said Dean was shaking, right Cas?"
"Yeah, uncontrollably, he was…and he…" Cas's eyes widened. "He sounded scared…like his anxiety was heightened."
Sam nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense if someone's depleted of those hormones." He paused, thinking “Did he seem…I don't know, aware that the shifter wasn't you, or was he afraid of you?"
Cas shook his head. "He…I don't know…he seemed really out of it…and like the shifter had paralyzed him while it was drinking his…his blood." Cas sucked in a shaky breath, his eyes welling up as Sam wrote down his observations. "After I killed it, Dean's eyes had been unfocused for a moment and then when he saw me, he…he didn't look scared…just confused. He then started crying, and couldn't stop." Cas's lip trembled and he tried to hide it by taking a long swig of the cold tea.
"Okay…" Sam nodded.
"He said it…it kissed him." Cas whispered, feeling his stomach roll in disgust.
Sam's brow furrowed. "Maybe…maybe it passed some sort of toxin? None of the other victims mentioned that but…maybe that's something that made Dean unable to fight back?”
"This is all my fault." Cas said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
Sam shook his head. "Cas…its not—its not your fault, the shifter or whatever this thing was, did this, and…" He sucked in a breath, wiping his eyes as a few tears escaped. "Its dead now, and if it had been anyone else, we might not have made it time—"
Cas hated to agree, but nodded. "Is there any lore on this? Is Dean…is Dean going to get better?"
Sam's face shifted as he looked down at some of the books he haphazardly threw on the table. "There's not much in the lore, about shifters that drink blood, or have any sort of paralyzing toxin, though there are stories about "monsters that feed off happiness", but the victims…" He paused, his expression pained. "The victims never get better…"
Cas didn't react, least not visually, but internally he felt his heart sink, his eyes burns with unshed tears. He nodded minutely for Sam to continue.
"And there's nothing about them shifting into another person…or how they target their victims…its like its a combination of multiple different monsters—"
"You've encountered that before though?" Eileen signed.
Sam took a sip of his tea. "Yeah….er the—"
"Werepire." Cas said, his hands mindlessly rubbing the rim of the mug, his eyes unfocused.
Sam grimaced. "Er yeah those were actually Nachzehrer, and had some lore on them, if a little bit. This…. this doesn't."
Cas pursed his lips, the overwhelming sense of not knowing made him feel useless, powerless and…
Terrified.
After spending the time it took to finish their tea going over the lore, Sam and Eileen convinced Cas they all needed rest, and to at least sleep alongside Dean.
Cas however couldn't even fathom closing his eyes, and instead stayed in the chair next to Dean, watching over him.
* * *
Dean had woken up in a jolt, his face wet with tears as he breathed in harshly, his body shaking as he looked around his room.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas appeared next to him, his voice soft.
Dean let out a shaky breath, wiping his eyes as he pulled Cas forward, wrapping his arms around the former angel. Cas startled, but wrapped him in an embrace, running his hands down Dean's back as the hunter cried into his shoulder, his body shaking as he tried to breathe between sobs.
"I hate this." Dean sputtered, his voice wet and hoarse.
"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas whispered, brushing his hand through Dean's hair. Dean’s breath hitched at the touch, but he didn't move away.
"Is the…is it dead?" He whispered.
Cas nodded. "Yes, it is."
Dean seemed to relax after that, his tears subsiding. “What…what was it?”
Cas’s brows furrowed. “We…thought it was a shifter…”
Dean’s expression shifted to confusion. “Shifter? I—I mean…I don't really remember what it looked like—”
“You—” Cas started, trying to remain calm. “You don't remember it looking like...”
Dean shook his head, cutting Cas off. “Its…its all fuzzy…but its eyes! Cas—” Dean’s body trembled as he remembered, and he glanced around the room on edge. “Its eyes were yellow….and black at the same time…like—” He sucked in a shaky breath, tears leaking out of his eyes. “Ugh, I can’t remember Cas—” His voice shook has he tried to breath.
“That’s okay Dean.” Cas whispered softly, running a hand down Dean’s back.
“I think—” Dean sucked in another wavering breath. “I think it hypnotized me…made me so I couldn't move—” He whispered, wiping his nose as he glanced at Cas. “I can’t remember what it looked like…I don't think it was a shifter—but its eyes…it made me look into them and then I—I couldn't move and then it—-it kissed me—” Dean’s eyes widened and Cas’s stomach twisted as Dean looked at him his expression pained. “I…” He paused, his lip trembling. “I remember thinking it was you, Cas.”
Cas’s eyes well up, his throat tightening.
“But I know it wasn't…” Dean continued. “Because I remember very clearly you killing it…” His voice cracked, wiping his eyes again.
“Why can’t I stop crying—” Dean groaned, his eyes wet, tears streaming down his face.
“Dean,” Cas took in a breath, leaning forward to cup Dean’s face. Dean didn't flinch at the touch, if anything he leaned into it, looking through his wet lashes at Cas. “You’re going to be okay. The crying…we think it’s just…a side effect…” He paused, as Dean’s eyes fluttered close.
“You think?” He whispered.
Cas nodded, guiding Dean down back into bed.
“‘m not tired Cas—” Dean weakly argued, but didn't open his eyes. As his body fell limp, Cas tucked him back into bed, brushing away a runaway tear when Sam appeared, a notebook in hand.
"Has he…has he improved?" Sam asked softly.
Cas nodded. "He’d woken up a few times, and was the same…scared, disoriented. Upset." He sucked in a breath, rubbing his hands over his face. "But just now, he seemed…less so. And he doesn't think it was a shifter. He doesn’t remember much, but he thinks he was hypnotized.
“Hypnotized?”
Cas nodded. “He remembered its eyes, yellow and black, and how it forced him to look into them and then he couldn't move. Does that sound like any monster you've heard before?”
Sam shook his head. "No…but we think the shifter was alone…there haven't been any other attacks…so that’s good. Eileen and I talked to the vics again and their spouses…" He paused, a pained expression on his face.
"And?"
Sam sucked in breath. "They seem…well, I don't want to get our hopes up, but…like back to they're usual selves. We think maybe the shifter, or whatever it was, was young, maybe didn't know how or even want to kill its victims…” He paused, running a hand through his hair as he let out a breath. “There’s no way to really know but we sent out what we have to Jody, and she'll get word out to other hunters in case they come across something like this."
Cas nodded, feeling the weight on his shoulder lift, even if it was just a little bit. Dean was still upset…and scared, and but it had only been a few hours, and the other victims…if they were feeling better after a week, then Cas just had to be patient.
* * *
That first night, Dean had woken up crying every couple of hours, which only made him more frustrated and flustered. Cas had been there every time, which Dean couldn't help but be thankful for, even if he was extremely embarrassed. He knew it was because of the lack of certain hormones…Cas had explained the case to him, when, in between sobs, Dean had started hyperventilating, half asleep and thinking when he thought the monster was going to come back and kill Cas.
Dean kept telling Cas he didn’t remember what the monster looked like—or who the monster was pretending to be. But he noticed Cas was still keeping space between them, his posture stiff, and in a breath Dean pulled him towards him, wrapping his arms around him.
“I’m not scared of you—Cas…if that's what you’ve—been stressed about.” He said in between hiccups, his eyes welling up again.
Cas let out a shaky breath, his own eyes blurry with tears as he hugged Dean back.
After Cas showed him the body that he and Sam had yet to burn, did Dean feel his anxiety ease, though he still felt bouts of it whenever Cas was out of his sight.
When Cas finally convinced him to eat something, Dean relented but had needed help walking which only agitated the hunter.
He growled in frustration at his weaken state, his legs shaking as he tried to walk without Cas’s help, but Cas stood by his side, determined to help Dean. He initially offered a cane they found in the infirmary, but Dean had tossed it aside offensively, glaring through tears as he tried to stand up on his own.
It took some time, but he eventually made it to the kitchen, his breathing hitching as he tried to hold back his tears. He felt drained, depressed like never before. Cas asked what he was hungry for but Dean didn't have the energy to answer.
Cas ended up making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and the two ate, the comfortable silence only interrupted whenever Dean sniffled, holding back the inevitable tears, his breathing shaking as the tears fell against his will.
Before Dean fell asleep, Cas rewrapped his neck in clean bandages, assesssing the cuts along his arms before moving down to his lap.
“Did you want me to clean the bite?” Cas asking hesitantly.
Dean’s face flushed, but he nodded, grimacing as he pulled his sweats down just enough, lifting his briefs up his thigh and spreading his leg to reveal the bite. Cas worked efficiently, keeping his touch gentle but didn't linger. Once he finished, Dean fell back into bed, falling asleep swiftly, with Cas by his side.
* * *
The second night was the worst.
Dean felt like he was drowning in hopelessness. He felt like he was stuck in a fog; his head hurt, his body ached, tears fell silently down his cheek as he limped to the kitchen.
* * *
Cas woke up suddenly, never intending to fall asleep. Dean had been having a rough go; tossing and turning, waking up in panic, sobbing as whatever nightmare he had dissipated. Cas looked around, realizing slowly Dean’s bed was empty.
“Dean—” Cas called out, walking out swiftly. He passed Dean’s room, and found it empty. Every room he passed was empty, including the library and the ‘Dean Cave’. Feeling his anxiety rise, Cas sucked in a breath as he walked quickly to the kitchen.
“Dean?” Cas called out as he entered the kitchen, the sight before him making his heart sink. Dean stood at the counter, his back to Cas, the lights too dim for Cas to see his expression.
“Dean?” Cas whispered again, tentatively taking a step forward.
Dean didn’t turn around as Cas approached, his face paling as he saw what Dean was holding.
In Dean’s tight grip held a knife, holding it above his other wrist, his body still as a statue.
“Dean?” Cas’s voice shook, his eyes welling up.
Dean stiffened, but his hands didn't move. “Cas?” Dean’s voice broke, wet and stiff.
“Dean—” Cas’s own voice wavered as he inched a hand closer to Dean’s. “I’m going to take the knife now.”
Dean’s breathing hitched, but he didn’t move, neither towards or away from Cas. “What’s wrong with me, Cas?” He whispered, his hand shaking slightly.
“I—” Cas’s lip trembled. “Dean, its okay—” His fingers brushed the knife and Dean’s body loosened, his hand letting go of the knife. Cas inhaled sharply, pushing the knife back into the holder before turning Dean around swiftly. Dean fell into his arms, crying uncontrollably, his words intelligible. All Cas could do was hold him, but Dean was heavier and both mens’ legs gave way and they collapsed to the floor. Cas made soothing noises as Dean buried himself into Cas, his tears and snot soaking Cas’s t-shirt.
Cas had no idea how long they sat there, but he didn't care; he held Dean until the hunter’s tears ran dry, his breathing ragged and cracked. When Dean pulled back, his face blotchy and red, his eyes swollen, did Cas loosen his grip. He wiped a stray tear, humming softly.
“Cas—” Dean whispered, grimacing as he looked up at the former angel. “I…I told the monster…I remember I thought it was you and…I told him—it—I told it I loved you—” His lip trembled as he blinked fast, his eyes shinning. “And it…it told me it loved me.” He murmured
"Dean—" Cas whispered. He brushed his lips on Dean's brow, barely a whisper of a kiss. "I do…love you. And I’m sorry…I’m so sorry—"
Dean's lips trembled, his eyes shining as he looked up at Cas. "You—you do?" His voice cracked, as he stared wide-eyed at his best friend.
"I do…" Cas nodded. "I wish I told you sooner, I just didn't think you—"
“Cas—" Dean gasped, wiping his nose. He practically lunged himself at Cas, wrapping his arms around his neck as he buried his face into the crook of Cas's neck. “I love you I love you I love you.” He whispered, fast and urgent. He pulled back, his brows furrowed. “I…”
“What’s wrong?” Cas’s own brows furrowed. Dean’s eyes flickered as he looked between Cas’s lips and eyes, his mouth parted.
“I…I feel weird.”
Cas’s stomach twisted. “Weird how?”
Dean shook his head, his face paling. “M’ gonna pass out—” His voice slurred, his eyes unfocused. But he remained awake, least enough for Cas to get him to his knees.
“Do you want to get up?” Cas asked softly. Dean nodded jerkily, letting Cas help himself to his feet. The two walked slowly back to Cas’s bedroom, his eyes trained on Dean intently. Dean immediately collapsed into bed, his eyes fluttering close, his breathing labored. Cas watched him as he curled up next to him, propping his head on his hand as he watched Dean fall asleep.
Hours drifted by. And Dean didn't wake up.
He didn't wake up crying. He didn't jerk or whine in his sleep. He simply slept, quietly and peacefully.
Cas fought his own drowsiness, but he refused to leave Dean to get coffee. Eventually he fell asleep, his arms around Dean.
* * *
When Cas open his eyes again, he felt something heavy and hot pressed against him. Confused, he tried to move, but found if he did, a disgruntled noise sounded from behind him. He shifted again, trying to turn around, only for the arm across his stomach to tightened.
“Cas—” Dean grumbled behind, his voice rough from sleep. “Stop moving.” He mumbled, rubbing his face against Cas’s back.
Cas’s brows furrowed, piecing together what happened the night before for them to end up in this position. Remembering that the last thing Dean had said was about feeling weird, Cas turned over abruptly, causing Dean to let out a disgruntled yelp, blinking blearily as Cas looked him over.
“How are you feeling, Dean?”
“M’fine—I was fine, Cas, till you woke up so aggressively—” Dean grumbled, wincing as Cas continued to shake him.
“Dean—” Cas’s voice was stern, trembling slightly as he made Dean sit up.
Dean rubbed his face, shaking himself awake as he looked at Cas. His expression turned sheepish, softened as he observed Cas’s worried look.
“I—I don't feel weird anymore Cas…I…I feel normal…or whatever.”
“You…you feel normal?” Cas repeated. “Like…not sad?”
Dean rolled his eyes, the behavior so normal and yet, Cas felt like he hadn't seen in so long, making his heart flutter at the sight. “I…I know what depression is like Cas…I’ve dealt…with it before.” Dean sucked in breath as Cas inched closer, taking his hand into his. “I…I think I'll always feel down…at times…but this…I mean what I felt the past few days…that was depression times a hundred…” He paused, thinking. “I feel like my usual self now Cas, okay? Those hormones, repleted or whatever.”
Cas still looked worried. “Dean you…you had a knife—”
Dean stiffened. “I…I don’t really remember why…exactly, I just felt…it was all consuming…like I was drowning—any and every other senses completely gone…" He sucked in a wavering breath, squeezing Cas’s hand. “But you…you pulled me back…”
Cas wiped his eyes, nodding. He wrapped his arms around Dean, the other man embrace tight and unwavering as they held each other.
After a bit, they told Sam and Eileen, Dean explaining the symptoms he could remember, and how foggy his mind felt the past two days. They ended up thinking that the victims being sedated probably helped prevent them taking any drastic measures.
They still didn’t really know what this monster was, but Dean reminded Sam that they’ve encountered things like this before; one monster no other hunter had encounter, and never did after. All they could do was pass along the information to other hunters.
With the case relatively wrapped up, Cas and Dean felt the small rise of tension between them.
Wordlessly, they walked to Cas’s bedroom, Cas letting Dean rest most of his weight on the former angel. The hunter was still weak, his neck wrapped up in a clean bandage, the other cuts as well. But he was okay, at least, he assured he was and Cas couldn't help feel the tension ease as they made it to his bedroom.
Dean sat awkwardly on the bed, his eyes on the floor.
“Is it okay if I sleep in here…with you?”
Cas looked at Dean softly. “Of course, Dean.” Dean let out a wavering breath as he climbed under the covers, Cas quickly pulling on a pair of sweat before situating himself beside Dean.
Before Cas fell asleep, Dean spoke hesitatingly, his eyes glued on the ceiling as he laid on his back.
“Cas I—” Dean’s voice was barely a whisper. “When you said you…you loved me…did you mean…what did you mean exactly?”
Cas sat up slightly on his elbow, turned to face Dean.
“It means I love you, Dean.”
Dean let out a huff. “Yeah but…like…”
“I am irrevocably, irresistibly, truly, madly, deeply in love with you, Dean Winchester.”
“Jesus Christ Cas—” Dean’s eyes welled up as he looked up at Cas. The former angel was looking down at him, his expression soft, his own eyes shinning brightly. “Same Cas, I...I love you so much—” Dean sat up slightly, cupping Cas’s cheek.
Cas warmed at the touch, his eyes briefly glancing down at Dean’s lips.
Dean’s lips twitched at the sight, thumbing Cas’s lip as he leaned forward. “Kiss me, Cas.” His voice was barely audible, his breath hot against Cas’s skin.
Cas’s eyes glinted, his breath leaving him as he erased the distance between them. When their lips finally met, both men gasped, the kiss turning passionate and deep immediately.
“Dean—” Cas whispered, breaking the kiss.
Dean hummed against him, tucking his face into the corner of Cas’s neck.
Cas smiled slightly at the contact, wrapping his arms around the hunter.
Dean, feeling safe and calm for the first time in days, fell asleep quickly in the former angel’s embrace.
* * *
When Dean woke up the next morning, Cas was in deep sleep beside him, what Dean surmised was probably for the first time in days. He stretched, feeling strong enough to walk without help, so before Cas could fully wake up, Dean made his way to the kitchen, making two cups of coffee before heading back to the former angel.
He found Cas sitting up in his bed, his hair a completely disarray, his eyes sleepy but his mouth turned down in a worried frown only to look at Dean with surprise as the hunter handed him the cup of coffee.
“Dean! Are you…feeling better?”
“Yeah…I’m good…” Dean smiled softly as he sat on the bed, blushing slightly.
Cas smiled softly back, taking a sip of coffee, only to glance back up at Dean, a look of shock on his face.
"You added honey." Cas noted, his tone etched with surprise.
“Of course. I know how much you like honey in your coffee, Cas.” Dean grinned at him, only to furrow his brows as Cas's eyes welled up.
“Cas—what’s wrong?”
Cas shook his head, wiping his eyes, his lips twitching up into a crooked smile. "You…I just realized you haven't smiled in days…till now." Cas said, smiling wider as a few tears spilled out.
Dean faltered, as he thought back to the past three days, and when realization dawned on him, he smiled wider. "I…I feel better…happy…you know…normal happy…" Dean shrugged, trying not to make it a big deal.
Cas sat the coffee down, pulling Dean forward.
"Dean, listen to me carefully." Cas started. "I love you. I love seeing you smile. I love seeing you happy. But I'll love you when you're sad too, and I'll love you when you're angry. I'll love you when you're embarrassed. When you're moody." He paused, sucking in a breath.
Dean nodded, biting his lip. He kissed Cas chastely, his lips twitching up as Cas cupped his face, deepening the kiss.
“Cas—" Dean sighed as Cas kissed him, licking his way into his mouth. "Need you Cas." He whispered, his hands raking over Cas's body.
“Dean we shouldn't—you’re still healing—” Cas let out a breath as Dean moved his lips down his neck, guiding Cas onto his back.
“I’m fine Cas—” Dean murmured, straddling Cas’s lap. “Please—I want—I need you.”
Cas cut him off, kissing him deeply. He trailed his hands down Dean’s back, sliding his fingers under the waistband of Dean’s sweats.
Dean’s breathing hitched, lifting his hips up just enough for Cas to pull his pants down, along with his briefs, freeing his half hard cock.
Cas let out a breath, his hand gripping Dean’s cock, making the hunter gasp at the touch, his hips bucking up into the former angel’s hand.
Dean moved his hands down, pulling Cas’s pants down to free his cock, grinding down his hips to slide his cock against Cas’s. He roughly pulled off Cas’s t-shirt, wrapping his arms around him tightly as he brought a hand down to grip their cock together.
Both men moaned, their lips finding each others in a deep, passionate kiss as they rocked together. Cas flicked his tongue along Dean’s lips, bitting his bottom lip in a teasing pull, a whine slipping from Dean’s parted lips as Cas sneaked his hands under his shirt. He tugged off his shirt, running his hands down Dean’s chest, reveling in how Dean shivered at the touch, his hips faltering as Cas circled a finger around his nipple.
As they rocked together, Dean brought Cas’s hand to his mouth, placing open mouth kisses along his palm and fingers, before wrapping his lips around two of his fingers, sucking gently.
Cas let out a breathy moan, watching with hooded eyes as Dean swirled his tongue, his now hard cock leaking heavily in Cas’s hand.
Suddenly, Dean removed Cas’s fingers from his mouth and guided them down, under his ass. Cas bit his lip, tentative and careful, gripping Dean’s waist, lifting him slightly as Dean rocked against him, drifting his hand further under Dean’s ass.
Dean let out a ragged breath, biting his lip, his face flushing pink as Cas circled a spit slicked finger around his entrance.
When Cas slowly inserted his finger, Dean’s back arched, his head falling back as his hips shook. Cas leaned forward, kissing Dean’s neck, and down along his collarbone as he worked his finger in, Dean’s body growing more pliant as pleasure bloomed under his skin.
They rocked in tandem, their cocks sliding against one another’s, Cas working two fingers deep into Dean, his mouth parted against Dean’s chest. Their bodies flushed pink and glistening with sweat, their moans breathy and hitching as their orgasms teetered the edge.
Dean was the first to come, gasping as Cas began to insert a third finger, grazing his prostate sporadically, his cock throbbing in his grip.
“Cas—oh fuck—” Dean moaned, arching back as he spilled into their laps, his muscles contracting around Cas’s fingers.
Cas groaned, his brows furrowed as held Dean tightly. Dean shifted as wrapped his hand tightly around Cas’s cock, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.
Cas came hard, gasping into Dean’s mouth as his cock spilled, cum landing onto Dean’s stomach and thighs.
The two men gasped for breath as their orgasms dissipated. Cas cupped Dean’s face gently, bringing him into a slow kiss.
Dean smiled into the kiss, his face flushed as he slid off Cas’s lap. Cas turned over, continuing to kiss Dean until Dean was on his back, his legs splayed open as Cas hooked a leg over his hip, his hand trialing down Dean’s side.
“Let me clean us up.” Cas whispered against his lips, Dean letting out a affirmative nose, his eyes fluttering close as Cas kissed his cheek.
Before either could do anything however, a noise came from the hallway.
"So, get this—" Sam started only to let out a yelp, turning around immediately.
Sam had walked straight into the room swiftly, an old book opened in his hands, which was now over his face.
"Son of a—" Dean grumbled, pulling a blanket back over his naked lap. Cas sat back sheepishly, uncaring of his naked state.
"Fuck—sorry guys…these doors lock you know. I’ve found another case…" Sam grumbled, fuming at the wall. "You guys want to get decent and meet me in the library?" He huffed, stalking out of the bedroom.
Dean rolled his eyes, his annoyance dissipating as Cas kissed his cheek.
“I don't think you're ready for another case, Dean—”
“Course not Cas. But we’ve got monsters to hunt. People to save.” He replied back, cupping Cas’s chin to kiss his lips.
Cas kissed him back firmly. “We do, don’t we?”
“And I have you, don’t I?”
“Yes, you do.”
~