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Hyunjin knew it wasn’t easy.
He’d learned that early on—learned it in the quiet moments, in the spaces between laughter and music. It wasn’t easy watching Felix be so effortlessly affectionate with everyone around him. It wasn’t easy watching him curl up beside someone else on the couch they used to share, legs tangled, conversations stretching late into the night. It wasn’t easy watching Felix laugh so brightly at jokes that weren’t his.
And it definitely wasn’t easy seeing him sprawled across the practice room floor, chest rising and falling as he caught his breath, while their leader hovered nearby—towel in hand, instinctively wiping sweat from Felix’s neck like it was habit.
Like it was natural.
It wasn’t easy at all.
But Hyunjin had learned how to live with it.
All eight of them were close—closer than most people would ever understand. It showed in the casual touches, the way they leaned into one another without thinking, the teasing that never meant anything serious. That was normal. Hyunjin reminded himself of that constantly.
“Chan hyung, c’mon,” Jeongin called from across the room, stretching as he watched their reflection in the mirror. “Let your lil wifey breathe. You’re gonna scrub his skin off.”
Laughter rippled through the room. Felix laughed too, cheeks flushed, waving a hand dismissively like it was nothing.
Chan only shook his head, amused. “Drink some water,” he said, tone firm but gentle, already stepping back like the moment hadn’t meant anything at all.
It was normal.
Just Chan being Chan.
Just jokes.
Everyone laughed.
Everyone except Hyunjin.
His gaze lingered on Chan longer than he intended. Chan looked relaxed, unfazed—already moving on to the next thing, like always. And yet his attention had gravitated toward Felix without effort, without thought.
That was what bothered Hyunjin the most.
Lately, he’d started noticing things he used to ignore—the way hands rested a second too long on Felix’s shoulder, the way voices softened when speaking to him, the way people unconsciously gravitated toward him. Even the smallest gestures didn’t escape Hyunjin anymore.
“Wow,” Seungmin said flatly as he sat down, stretching his legs out. “When we’re all married, I’m moving to Hawaii. Beachfront. No visitors.”
Felix blinked, then giggled. “You can’t just drop that on us.”
Hyunjin didn’t laugh.
He was too busy staring.
Felix was beautiful in a way that felt unfair—freckles scattered across flushed cheeks, sweat sliding down his temple, damp strands of blond hair clinging to his forehead. Part of his hair was loosely braided, the rest falling against his pale neck as he caught his breath. He looked effortless. Alive.
Hyunjin’s chest tightened.
After practice, Felix always looked like this—bare-faced, breathing shallowly, glowing from exertion. And every time, Hyunjin had to remind himself to look away.
He was losing his mind.
But no one would ever know.
Hyunjin’s face remained calm, unreadable, as he reached for his water bottle. Inside, though, his thoughts were already spiraling—quiet, sharp, and dangerous in ways he hadn’t yet named.
His eyes were settled on Felix as the boy got up from the floor and walked toward Hyunjin, casually taking the water bottle from his hand and sipping from it. Then he settled next to him on the floor; their knees touched, as did their shoulders. Hyunjin knew this slight contact shouldn’t faze him, but it was starting to.
Felix offered the bottle back, and Hyunjin took it without a second thought, drinking from it—making sure he wrapped his lips around the mouth this time.
“This choreo is so hard. I don’t know how Minho hyung does it so easily,” Felix mentioned.
Hyunjin followed Felix’s gaze to where he was looking. Minho was helping Jisung with the choreography in the other corner of the room.
“You still remembered it faster than the others, though,” Hyunjin said, wanting Felix to be proud of himself. “And… you look pretty doing this dance.”
Felix chuckled. “Thank you. You too.”
It was normal. Hyunjin sighed. He was tired of giving hints.
“Hyunie,” Felix whispered.
Hyunjin hummed, giving him his full attention.
“Do you think Jisung and Minho… have something going on?”
Hyunjin looked at the two members in question, who were touching each other to learn the choreography—though it wasn’t actually needed. The way Minho brushed his fingers along Jisung’s waist and held his hand ever so delicately stood out.
Hyunjin smirked. “Definitely.”
“I think so too. I’ll be happy for them if it’s true.” Felix smiled.
Hyunjin stared at him. He looked pretty up close.
“Lixie,” Chan called.
“Yes, hyung?”
“I’m going out to get some boba. Do you want any?”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you,” Felix answered.
Chan nodded and left the room.
Hyunjin gulped. The way Felix always smiled at Chan—and the way Chan always took care of Felix. It was normal for Chan to look after the members, but asking Felix specifically and paying him extra attention spoke volumes.
“Felix, do you have something going on… with—” Hyunjin started, hesitating.
Felix understood what Hyunjin was about to ask.
“Chan hyung?” Felix asked.
Hyunjin nodded.
“Well…” Felix swallowed, as if wanting to say something but couldn’t. “It’s nothing serious.”
Hyunjin was slightly confused by that answer, but he didn’t say anything.
*
It was already night by the time Hyunjin reached the studio to work on his vocals. The building was quiet in the way it only ever was after hours—dim lights, muted footsteps, the faint hum of equipment still running. The others were already inside.
He’d spent nearly two hours in the gym after dance practice, pushing his body harder than necessary. He told himself it was for the comeback, for the performance, for the fans. But there was another reason too—one he didn’t dare say out loud. He wanted to look good. For someone specific.
When he stepped into the studio, the first thing he noticed was how close Felix and Chan were sitting. Too close. Their shoulders nearly brushed as they leaned over the lyric sheets, heads bent together, voices low. No one else was there. Just the two of them.
Hyunjin paused for half a second.
He watched as Chan glanced at Felix, then reached up without thinking, gently tucking a loose strand of blond hair behind Felix’s ear. The gesture was casual. Familiar. Effortless.
Hyunjin exhaled slowly, trying to release the tight knot forming in his chest before stepping inside and announcing his presence.
“Oh, hey, Hyunjin,” Chan said, barely looking up before returning to the lyrics.
“Where are the others?” Hyunjin asked, taking a seat nearby.
“They left after finishing their parts—lyrics, harmonies, all that. It’s just you and Felix now,” Chan explained.
Hyunjin nodded.
Chan handed him the papers. “Here. Take a look.”
Hyunjin skimmed the lyrics, but his attention kept drifting—drawn back to Chan’s voice as it softened again.
“Lixie, lower the pitch here,” Chan said gently. “Then raise it a bit in this part. I’ll come in after the beat drop.”
Too gentle.
Too attentive.
Hyunjin clenched his jaw before speaking. “Hyung,” he said, keeping his tone neutral, “don’t you think we could improve this line?”
Chan stood and walked over, eyes scanning the sheet in Hyunjin’s hands. “Yeah. We can work on it,” he said easily. “What are you thinking?”
They spent the next hour refining melodies and adjusting lyrics. Hyunjin made sure Chan’s attention stayed on the work—on him. Somewhere along the way, Felix’s voice grew quiet. When Hyunjin glanced over, he saw Felix slumped forward in his chair, head resting on the table, fast asleep.
The sight made something in his chest ache.
It was late. Too late. With an MV shoot scheduled for the morning, they couldn’t afford to stay any longer.
Chan stood, reaching for Felix. “I’ll wake him—”
“Wait.”
Hyunjin stopped him.
His gaze lingered on Felix’s sleeping face, softened by exhaustion and dim lighting. He looked smaller like this. Fragile. Beautiful in a way that felt almost unfair.
“You can go,” Hyunjin said quietly. “I’ll stay with him until he wakes up.”
Chan frowned slightly. “You sure? We have an early call time.”
“It’s fine,” Hyunjin replied. “I have insomnia anyway.”
That part was true. He always had.
“And I still need to finish some lyrics.”
Chan hesitated, studying him for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. See you tomorrow.”
The door clicked shut behind him.
Hyunjin stayed where he was, alone now with the steady rhythm of Felix’s breathing and the quiet weight of everything he wasn’t saying.
Hyunjin reached for the AC remote and turned it off, remembering how easily Felix got cold after sleeping. His gaze lingered on him longer than it should have. Felix looked small like this, lashes resting against flushed cheeks, all softness and vulnerability. Looking away felt impossible.
He tried to return to the lyric sheets, forcing his eyes over familiar lines, but the words blurred. With a quiet sigh, he stood and crossed the room. Felix had begun to shiver, his brow faintly furrowed, body curled awkwardly in the chair.
He was exhausted. Hyunjin knew that much. Waking him felt wrong.
Carefully, as though he were handling something fragile, Hyunjin slipped one arm beneath Felix’s thighs and lifted him from the chair. Felix barely stirred—only a soft, incoherent murmur escaped his lips. He was warm, light in Hyunjin’s arms in a way that made his chest tighten.
Hyunjin had carried him before. Plenty of times. But those moments had been loud and playful, Felix awake and laughing. This was different. Quieter. Intimate in a way Hyunjin didn’t let himself name.
He carried Felix to the narrow bed tucked into the corner of the room, the one they used for quick naps between schedules. He laid him down gently, easing off his shoes, pulling the duvet up to his shoulders.
Hyunjin had just begun to straighten when fingers closed around his hand.
“Cuddles,” Felix murmured, lips pouting faintly, voice heavy with sleep.
It was nothing unusual. Felix asked for affection freely, without thought.
Still, Hyunjin swallowed.
He slipped off his own shoes and eased onto the bed beside him. It was too small for the two of them; there was no space left once Felix shifted closer. Felix smiled sleepily and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin, pressing his face into his chest like it was where he belonged.
Hyunjin drew in a shaky breath.
Warmth bloomed where Felix touched him, spreading through his ribs, his heartbeat stuttering under the weight of it. He stayed still, afraid that moving would break something fragile and unspoken.
“Good night, Hyunnie,” Felix whispered.
Hyunjin’s lips curved into a soft smile. “Good night, baby,” he replied, the word leaving him before he could stop it.
Felix drifted back to sleep almost immediately, breathing evening out into a quiet rhythm—not quite a snore, just a gentle hum. Hyunjin brushed stray strands of hair from Felix’s face and pulled him closer, arms settling around his waist like muscle memory.
He didn’t care if Felix had heard the nickname.
He only knew he didn’t want to let go.
*
The MV shoot the next day went smoothly, and it was wrapped up in a single day. Everyone was happy with the outcome. Late that night, they decided to have soju and hang out at the dorms.
Hyunjin was sitting outside near the pool with Chan, Jisung, and Changbin. They were already tipsy, and the steak wasn’t even cooked yet. The rest of the members were inside, working on it.
Changbin was fully drunk—blabbering and laughing for no reason. Hyunjin didn’t really pay attention to what they were talking about. He grabbed the last glass of soju and gulped it down.
“Hey, Hyunjin… you didn’t just drink my glass. You traitor!” Changbin said.
“That wasn’t yours. What are you talking about?” Hyunjin replied.
“No, that was mine. The bottle’s empty already,” Changbin insisted.
“I’ll bring one more,” Hyunjin said as he stood up and walked toward the kitchen to grab more from the fridge. As he entered, he heard murmured voices and stopped near the kitchen door.
“You and Chan hyung—what?!”
“Keep it down, Minho!” Felix said.
“I mean… you and Chan—what?” Minho lowered his voice.
“It happened, okay? We were both drunk.”
“I mean, I’m not surprised. You and him are always all over each other,” Jeongin commented.
“True that,” Minho added. “Do the others know?”
Felix shook his head. “No. I haven’t told anyone—except you guys.”
“Oh my god, our lil Lixie,” Jeongin said dramatically, “is not a virgin anymore.”
Hyunjin froze outside the door, his heart feeling like it had stopped beating for a full minute.
“You’re literally the youngest. Stop calling me ‘lil,’” Felix rolled his eyes. “And don’t mention this in front of the others. I’ll tell them when the time comes.”
They all nodded in agreement.
Hyunjin couldn’t move. Chan and Felix…
He couldn’t even bring himself to think about it.
Suddenly, someone came outside. Minho.
“Oh hey, Hyunjin. Need something?” Minho asked.
Hyunjin snapped out of his thoughts and cleared his throat before speaking. “Yeah. Needed more soju.”
Minho nodded as Hyunjin entered the kitchen, his eyes automatically finding Felix near the counter, stirring the steak on the stove. Felix looked up, and their eyes met for a brief second. Hyunjin immediately looked away, unable to hold eye contact. Felix watched Hyunjin’s expression, then his back, as he walked toward the fridge to grab a few bottles of soju.
“I’ll be outside. Call me if you need help,” Minho said as he left the kitchen with Jeongin, leaving Felix and Hyunjin alone.
Hyunjin just wanted to leave quietly, without having to talk to Felix after what he had overheard. He still couldn’t process it. He was about to step out when he heard Felix hiss and saw him flinch in pain.
Hyunjin moved instinctively—fast and without thinking—grabbing Felix’s hand after it accidentally touched the hot pan. He noticed the slight burn on his finger and immediately pushed Felix’s hand under the tap, letting cold water run over it. Felix winced slightly but didn’t pull away, allowing Hyunjin to take care of it.
Neither of them spoke. There was an unusual tension in the air. Felix studied Hyunjin’s expression—like he was hiding something.
“You heard it, right?” Felix asked.
Hyunjin stiffened for a moment, then focused back on Felix’s hand, concern overriding everything else.
“Heard what?” Hyunjin asked, even though he knew.
“Us talking,” Felix swallowed.
Hyunjin released his hand and turned off the tap, ignoring the question.
“Let me get you some cream,” Hyunjin said, attempting to leave.
Felix grabbed his hand, stopping him.
Hyunjin sighed and turned to look at him—properly, directly in the eyes.
“Okay. Tell me,” Hyunjin said firmly, trying to sound nonchalant.
Felix looked down, embarrassed.
“I don’t exactly remember everything, but the day we all got drunk—Chan hyung and I stayed in my room, alone, and we…”
Hyunjin’s fist clenched.
“Felix,” Hyunjin interrupted. Felix looked up at him. “You don’t have to tell me about your private life. You’re not a kid who needs everyone’s approval for what you do. It’s your life. Do whatever you want. It’s none of my business.”
Hyunjin gently but firmly removed Felix’s hand from his arm.
Hyunjin didn’t wait to see Felix’s reaction.
He turned and left the kitchen before the silence could swallow him whole, before his face could betray what his voice had managed to hide. He walked past the pool, past the laughter spilling from outside, past the warmth of the night that suddenly felt too loud, too alive.
He locked himself in his room.
The door clicked shut behind him, soft but final.
Hyunjin leaned against it, head falling back as he stared at the ceiling. For a moment, he just stood there, breathing—slow at first, measured. Controlled. The way he’d trained himself to breathe when emotions threatened to surface.
It didn’t last.
His chest tightened sharply, like something had wrapped around his ribs and pulled. The air refused to go in properly. He pressed a hand to his sternum, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as if that might steady him.
Chan and Felix.
The words replayed over and over, refusing to dull. Images he hadn’t meant to imagine forced themselves into his mind—Felix’s soft laughter, the way Chan always hovered just a little too close, the warmth Felix had curled into so easily the night before.
We were both drunk.
Hyunjin let out a shaky laugh that sounded wrong even to his own ears.
Of course it was drunk.
Of course it was nothing serious.
His knees gave out, and he slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor, elbows resting on his thighs. He buried his face in his hands, fingers pressing hard enough to sting.
He hadn’t been brave enough to say anything when it mattered. Hadn’t been honest. Hadn’t crossed the line Felix crossed so easily—with a laugh, with trust, with someone else.
That was on him.
The realization hurt worse than jealousy ever had.
Hyunjin’s hands trembled as he fumbled through the drawers, movements frantic and uncoordinated. He barely remembered where he’d hidden it—only that he had. A habit like that didn’t disappear completely. It lingered, waiting.
His fingers closed around the crumpled pack at the back of the drawer.
He froze.
It had been months. He’d quit quietly, without announcing it to anyone. Felix had noticed, of course—he always did. The way Felix wrinkled his nose whenever the smell clung to Hyunjin’s clothes, the gentle scolding masked as concern. Hyunjin had stopped because of that. Because of Felix.
I don’t like it when you do this, Felix had said once, soft but firm.
Hyunjin exhaled shakily, pressing the pack to his palm like it might burn him. His chest felt too tight again, anxiety crawling up his spine, loud and relentless. He told himself he wouldn’t. That he was stronger than this.
His hands betrayed him anyway.
He pulled out a cigarette, staring at it like it was an enemy. Or a lifeline. His jaw clenched as guilt washed over him—sharp and immediate. This was the one thing he’d promised himself he wouldn’t go back to. The one thing he’d given up for Felix.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the empty room, not sure who the apology was meant for.
The lighter clicked on the third try.
He didn’t even enjoy it. The smoke burned his throat, harsh and unforgiving, but the familiar ache grounded him just enough to slow his breathing.
It didn’t fix anything.
Hyunjin didn’t cry often. When he did, it was silent. Controlled. Tonight, it felt like grief—slow and heavy, settling deep in his bones.
He pressed the cigarette between his lips and exhaled slowly, as if the smoke could carry the tightness out of his chest with it.
It didn’t.
Felix’s sleepy voice surfaced instead.
Good night, Hyunnie.
The weight of Felix in his arms, warm and trusting. The way he had curled into him so easily, unaware of how deeply he was being held—of how deeply Hyunjin had already fallen.
Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut.
He had called him baby.
The word lodged itself somewhere sharp inside him.
A knock broke the silence. Hyunjin turned toward the door, then froze when he heard Felix’s voice.
“Hyunnie. Open the door.”
Panic flared. Hyunjin moved on instinct—flicking the cigarette out the window, sliding it shut, scrubbing at the air as if that could erase the evidence. The knocking continued, steady and patient, until he finally opened the door.
Felix stood there, hands tucked into his sleeves.
“Hi,” Hyunjin said, too stiff, stepping aside.
“Everyone’s waiting by the pool. The food’s ready,” Felix said.
“I’ll come in a bit,” Hyunjin replied. “You guys can start.”
Felix didn’t move. His gaze lingered, sharp and knowing. “Are you okay?”
He stepped inside without waiting for an answer.
“You smoked,” Felix said quietly. His eyes drifted to the cigarette pack on the windowsill.
Hyunjin looked down, shame burning hotter than the nicotine ever had.
“Felix, please,” he said, voice tight. “Just—give me some time.”
Felix stepped closer. Too close. The air between them thickened, charged.
Then Felix grabbed him by the collar and yanked him forward.
“Who do you think you are, Hwang Hyunjin?” Felix said, eyes blazing. Their noses almost brushed, breaths tangling. “You don’t get to say it’s none of your business. Not after ten years.”
Hyunjin swallowed hard, his gaze flickering over Felix’s face—furious, flushed, devastatingly beautiful.
“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked, barely above a whisper.
“It’s not what you called me last night,” Felix said, a small, dangerous smile curving his lips.
Hyunjin went still.
So Felix had heard.
“Baby,” Hyunjin breathed. “What are you doing?”
Felix’s smile widened. “Good.”
Hyunjin’s breath caught. Felix released him and stepped back, leaving Hyunjin reeling, heart hammering against his ribs.
Felix crossed the room and picked up the cigarette pack, sliding one free. He placed it between his lips and walked back, tipping it toward Hyunjin in silent command.
Without thinking, Hyunjin lit it.
He wanted to stop him. Wanted to say something—anything—but the words died in his throat. He didn’t have the right.
Felix didn’t smoke. Instead, he pulled the cigarette from his mouth, cupped Hyunjin’s face, and pressed it gently between Hyunjin’s lips.
Hyunjin froze.
Understanding hit too late.
He inhaled. As he pulled the cigarette away, Felix’s hand slid to the back of his neck, drawing him in. Their lips brushed—just enough for Felix to steal the smoke from his mouth.
Hyunjin shuddered. His eyes fell shut as he fought the instinct to give in completely. Felix was intoxicating—too close, too warm, too much.
Hyunjin’s arm wrapped around Felix’s waist on its own, pulling him in until there was no space left between them. He took another drag, then leaned in again, exhaling into Felix’s mouth. Felix whimpered softly, fingers clutching Hyunjin’s collar as their breaths tangled.
Felix sagged into him, dazed.
That was all it took.
Hyunjin kissed him—deep, hungry, unrestrained. Felix answered with a soft moan, surrendering as Hyunjin claimed his mouth, teeth scraping, lips bruising, all the things he’d been holding back crashing down at once.
The kiss burned. It consumed.
And Felix let him.
Hyunjin didn’t stop this time.
The moment Felix’s lips parted again, Hyunjin leaned in, claiming his mouth like he’d been starving for it. The kiss deepened—slow at first, then desperate—every restrained feeling pouring into the way he held him. Felix melted instantly, hands fisting into Hyunjin’s shirt as if grounding himself there was the only thing keeping him upright.
“Hyunjin,” Felix breathed, barely a sound, but it was enough.
Hyunjin’s hands slid up Felix’s back, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them. Felix didn’t resist—didn’t hesitate. He followed every movement willingly, trusting, pliant, letting Hyunjin set the pace. His body fit against Hyunjin’s like it always had, like it was meant to.
Hyunjin kissed him again and again, lingering this time, softer but no less consuming. His forehead pressed to Felix’s as he caught his breath, thumbs brushing along Felix’s jaw, his cheek, as if memorizing him.
“Tell me to stop,” Hyunjin murmured, voice low, rough with feeling.
Felix shook his head immediately, fingers tightening at Hyunjin’s collar. “I don’t want you to.”
Something in Hyunjin snapped—not violently, but completely. All the restraint, all the years of pretending, fell away. He held Felix like he was precious and fragile and everything at once, kissing him with reverence and hunger tangled together.
Felix sighed into him, eyes fluttering shut, surrender written in every movement. He let Hyunjin guide him, trusted every touch, every breath shared between them. There was no fear there—only warmth, only want.
Hyunjin rested his forehead against Felix’s again, eyes closed, chest heaving. “You’re killing me,” he whispered, not accusing. Confessing.
Felix smiled softly, brushing his nose against Hyunjin’s. “Then don’t fight it.”
And for the first time in a long time, Hyunjin didn’t.
Felix pushed Hyunjin back onto the bed, climbing over him without breaking the kiss. Their mouths moved together desperately, breath mingling as if neither of them knew where one ended and the other began. Hyunjin’s hands found Felix instinctively—one sliding to his waist, the other curling at the back of his neck, guiding him closer, deeper, as if he needed Felix impossibly near to breathe.
A sharp gasp slipped from Felix when Hyunjin’s grip tightened, possessive and unrestrained, the kind of touch that spoke of emotions bottled up far too long. There was heat in it. Frustration. Want.
Hyunjin shifted suddenly, turning them over so Felix was pressed into the mattress beneath him. He hovered there for a moment, eyes dark, searching Felix’s face as if asking a silent question.
Felix didn’t hesitate. He arched into the touch.
“Hyu—Hyunjin,” Felix breathed, his voice trembling.
That sound undid him.
Hyunjin lowered himself, lips trailing slowly along Felix’s jaw, then down his neck, lingering there—marking, claiming, as though he needed proof this was real. His hands explored with reverence and hunger intertwined, memorizing every curve, every shiver he drew from Felix’s body.
Felix’s hands found Hyunjin’s shoulders, gripping tightly, his head tipping back in wordless permission. He didn’t resist. He didn’t guide. He simply let himself be held, touched, undone—trusting Hyunjin completely.
Hyunjin took his time, unhurried and deliberate, as if the world outside that room no longer existed. As if this moment—this closeness—was something sacred he refused to rush.
When he finally moved back up, pressing soft, lingering kisses along Felix’s throat, his forehead rested there too, breath warm against skin.
Hyunjin stayed like that for a second longer than necessary.
As if he was afraid that if he pulled away, everything would disappear.
Hyunjin stayed there, breathing him in, as if anchoring himself to the moment. Felix’s chest rose and fell beneath him, warm and real, his hands still curled into Hyunjin’s shoulders like he was afraid to let go.
“Look at me,” Hyunjin murmured.
Felix did.
There was no teasing in his eyes now—only softness, trust, and something vulnerable that made Hyunjin’s chest ache. Hyunjin brushed his thumb across Felix’s cheek, slow and deliberate, wiping away nothing but the tremble there.
“You’re okay?” Hyunjin asked quietly.
Felix nodded without hesitation, reaching up to cradle Hyunjin’s face in both hands. “I’m with you.”
That was all it took.
Hyunjin kissed him again—slower this time, deeper in a way that had nothing to do with urgency and everything to do with need. Felix responded just as willingly, lips parting, body relaxing beneath him, every movement an unspoken yes.
Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around him fully now, holding him close instead of pinning him down, pulling Felix into his chest like he belonged there. Felix sighed into the kiss, melting, his forehead resting against Hyunjin’s when they finally paused.
They stayed like that for a while, sharing breath, sharing warmth, the world outside the room completely forgotten.
Hyunjin pressed a gentle kiss to Felix’s temple. Then his cheek. Then his hair.
Hyunjin felt like he might cry after everything he had just experienced, finally coming back to his senses. He pulled away slightly to look at the beauty beneath him. Felix’s eyes were half-closed as he breathed heavily, his sweaty blonde hair sticking to his forehead. Hyunjin desperately wanted to brush it away so he could see him properly, but for a moment he couldn’t move, completely mesmerized by the sight.
Felix’s eyes were half-lidded, lashes fluttering as he breathed heavily. Sweat clung to his blonde hair, strands stuck messily to his forehead. Hyunjin wanted to brush them away, wanted to see him clearly, wanted to memorize every detail—but for a moment, he couldn’t move at all. He was frozen, overwhelmed by how beautiful Felix looked like this. Open. Trusting. Real.
Hyunjin straightened up, his gaze dropping to his own pants, tight at the crotch. He knew he was hard as a rock, and it was embarrassing as fuck. He tried to step back, but Felix caught his wrist and swallowed hard.
Their eyes locked.
Felix’s gaze was intense—so was Hyunjin’s.
“I—I can… help—” Felix whispered hesitantly, glancing down before looking back up at him.
Hyunjin almost lost it right then. He couldn’t respond—too dazed, too overwhelmed.
Felix slowly sat up, knees bending as he spread his legs slightly. His hand moved toward Hyunjin’s crotch, touching him lightly over his pants, tracing the hardness beneath the fabric. Hyunjin let out a deep groan.
Felix worked on his zipper, pulling Hyunjin’s pants and boxers down, leaving him bare. It didn’t take Felix long to wrap his hand around him, surprised by the size in his much smaller grip. He stroked him slowly at first, then leaned closer, his mouth hovering just above him.
Hyunjin grabbed the back of Felix’s head, fingers threading into his hair, guiding him closer. Felix finally wrapped his lips around him, beginning to suck, and Hyunjin let out a satisfied hum in response.
“Felix—” Hyunjin moaned, staring straight at Felix’s mouth as it worked him so eagerly. Felix was just as hungry as he was, and that only made the feeling more overwhelming, more intoxicating. “Fuck—you’re made for this,” Hyunjin groaned, his voice deep and husky.
Felix hummed in response, taking him deeper into his mouth, though it was impossible to take him fully. He was huge. Hyunjin traced Felix’s cheekbones with his thumb, then brushed over his lips wrapped around him. Their eyes met as Felix finally pulled back to breathe, his hand enveloping the head, thumb circling the tip and making Hyunjin lose his mind.
Hyunjin couldn’t stop himself—his hand tangled in Felix’s hair again, pulling him back, this time a little harsher.
Fuck. Felix was going to be the death of him.
Felix welcomed him back desperately, mouth moving eagerly as he licked and bobbed along his length. He tasted the precome at the tip as he quickened his pace. Hyunjin’s grip tightened in Felix’s hair, pulling slightly, bordering on painful—but Felix didn’t complain. He wanted Hyunjin to finish in his mouth.
Hyunjin groaned and thrust forward, Felix choking slightly as he grabbed Hyunjin’s thighs to steady himself, tears pricking at his eyes. Hyunjin kept moving until he finally came with a loud groan. Felix took it all, letting the warmth fill his mouth as he sucked him through his release.
Hyunjin sagged, breathing heavily, spilling every last drop into that mouth he was hopelessly addicted to. Felix looked up at him—eyes glassy with tears, cheeks flushed, freckles deepened to a rosy hue, sweat clinging to his forehead—as he slowly pulled away and caught his breath.
Hyunjin felt like he could lose himself all over again just from the sight of Felix like this. So pretty. Ruined. Perfectly undone because of him.
Hyunjin traced Felix’s lower lip—the same one wrapped around him moments ago. “You’re a mess,” he murmured, voice thick with desire. “A beautiful mess.”
Felix could only whimper in response.
“Lay down,” Hyunjin said quietly.
Felix did.
Their lips crashed into each other again as they kissed messily, desperately. Hyunjin pulled his own shirt off first, then helped Felix remove his as well, his hands slowly moving down to touch Felix exactly where he had been wanting to. Felix shivered beneath him, whispering breathlessly as Hyunjin trailed his mouth down his body, eventually stopping at his waist. He tugged Felix’s pants and boxers down, leaving him bare beneath him.
Hyunjin took his time, simply looking at Felix like this—naked, vulnerable. His body looked as if it had been sculpted by Greek gods themselves. Perfect. Beautiful. Ethereal. Hyunjin could barely hold himself together as his hands traced Felix’s pretty thighs, slowly spreading them apart to see what he wanted.
Hyunjin lowered himself, almost hypnotized, eyes dark and filled with desire. Felix’s flushed pink length rested against his abdomen, and Hyunjin couldn’t stop himself from touching it, from kissing it. And he did exactly that—pressing kisses just above it, around it, drawing cries of pleasure from Felix.
He moved lower, peppering kisses along Felix’s inner thighs, his grip tightening as he spread them wider, fingers digging into his skin and making Felix whimper softly in pain. Felix’s eyes filled with tears, breath knocked from his lungs as he felt Hyunjin’s hot breath so close. His own fingers dug into Hyunjin’s shoulders.
Hyunjin finally pressed his mouth to him, licking and sucking with slow devotion, like he had been starving for this for years. Felix hid his face with the back of his hand, embarrassed despite the fact that no one could see him like this—no one except Hyunjin.
Hyunjin lifted Felix’s legs, resting them over his shoulders to pull him closer. Felix could only whimper and gasp in response, overwhelmed by the intimacy of the sensation. His fingers clenched tightly into Hyunjin’s shoulders.
Hyunjin traced the sensitive area with his finger and slowly pushed it in, making Felix pull back instinctively—but Hyunjin held him firmly by the hips, keeping him in place. He pressed his mouth there again, pushing another finger in, stretching him open slowly and carefully.
Hyunjin slowed then—not stopping, but grounding himself in the moment. He pressed his forehead against Felix’s thigh, breathing him in, hands firm at his hips as if reminding them both that this was real, that Felix was here and choosing this.
Felix’s breathing was uneven now, soft sounds slipping out of him every time Hyunjin moved closer, every time his touch lingered just a second longer than before. His fingers tightened at Hyunjin’s shoulders, no longer pulling away, no longer unsure—only holding on.
“Hyunjin,” Felix whispered, voice trembling, not asking for anything specific. Just saying his name.
That was enough.
Hyunjin looked up at him then, really looked—at the flushed cheeks, the damp lashes, the trust written plainly across his face. Something in Hyunjin’s chest softened, the sharp edge of need giving way to something deeper, steadier.
He leaned up, pressing a slow kiss to Felix’s stomach, then another higher, his hands smoothing over Felix’s sides in a way that was almost reverent. His long fingers were still inside him as he began to move them, pushing in and out in a steady rhythm while pressing kisses along Felix’s neck, hearing him lose his breath near his ear. When he felt Felix was prepared enough, he pulled his fingers out, leaving him clenching around nothing.
Hyunjin’s length was rock hard again, the red tip glistening with precome as it waited to be inside him. He stroked himself briefly before aligning himself with Felix’s entrance.
“Baby,” Hyunjin whispered, his hands leaving soothing touches along Felix’s smooth thighs. “Tell me if it’s too much.”
An assurance.
Felix only gave him a small, shaky smile.
Felix let out a trembling breath when Hyunjin finally entered him, the tip pushing past his tight entrance, tracing his inner walls slowly. Hyunjin groaned, leaning down to kiss him, and Felix welcomed him with open arms.
This wasn’t exactly making love. Was it?
They weren’t even together.
So why did it feel like that?
Why did it feel like making love when Hyunjin gently took his hand, interwove their fingers, and pressed it into the mattress beside his head? Why did it feel like making love when Hyunjin whispered soft words into his ear as he pushed himself fully inside him? Why did it feel like making love when Hyunjin touched him with a mix of gentleness and intensity at the same time?
Felix didn’t know.
And he didn’t care anymore.
All he cared about was Hyunjin—who was so intimately, physically, and emotionally close to him right now. So close that he could hear his heartbeat. His own heart beat in sync with Hyunjin’s, just like their lips, which were being completely consumed and devoured by him.
Hyunjin looked at Felix like he was everything. Like he was the only thing that mattered. Like he was the desire Hyunjin had been starving for all these years.
The thought alone made Felix cry out.
Hyunjin was quick to wipe the tears away, replacing them with kisses.
Felix felt like he could die.
Hyunjin didn’t stop. He couldn’t.
He pulled out and pushed back in, groaning softly. Felix felt like he was being torn apart. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t speak.
He could only endure.
He could do nothing but clutch the sheets beneath him, fingers curling until his knuckles turned white as Hyunjin drove him senseless against the mattress. The pace was maddening—agonizingly slow, yet impossibly deep—making Felix feel every inch as Hyunjin traced him from the inside out. Strong hands settled on his waist, guiding him, angling just right as Hyunjin searched for that one place.
When he found it, Felix saw stars. His body arched instinctively, a sharp gasp tearing from his throat as the sensation rippled through him. His legs trembled, the sound of his moan filling the room, and Hyunjin knew—he knew exactly where to move now. Fingers dug into Felix’s hips as he pressed deeper, thrusting again and again into the same spot, relentless and sure.
Felix was unraveling—thoughts scattering, head spinning, everything too much and never enough all at once.
“A dream,” Hyunjin breathed against his ear, the word reverent. Felix shuddered. “You can’t be real. You’re too ethereal for this world. I never want this to end. I want to stay here, inside you, forever. You feel… unreal. Incredible. Even if this is where I die, it would be the happiest end I could imagine.”
A soft whimper escaped Felix as he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer, kissing him like it was the only anchor he had left.
“Hyunjin!” Felix cried his name, and that was all it took. Hyunjin’s movements grew faster, deeper, more urgent, until pleasure overwhelmed him. A low groan spilled from his throat as he reached his peak, warmth following as Felix came with him, breathless and shaking. Hyunjin collapsed beside him, chest heaving as he slowly pulled away. Felix turned immediately, tucking himself into Hyunjin’s chest as if drawn there by instinct alone. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around him without hesitation, holding him close, grounding them both as their breathing gradually steadied.