Work Text:
Seungmin woke up cold.
His head was fuzzy – small fuzzy – which means he should go to Felix’s room. Curl up in his bed, snuggle in and steal his warmth. That sounds nice, comfy and sweet. Sugary. And it’s also what he’s meant to do, per Felix’s insistent instructions.
Grabbing one of the many dog plushies he had stored under his bed, then putting a pair of fluffy socks on, Seungmin tip-toed his way to the other bedroom. He poked his head inside, looking at the pile of blankets.
“Yongbokkie… Are you awake?”
“Hmmm?”
“I wan’ a hug.”
Felix sits up a little more, opening his arms for Seungmin to walk over. “What’s going on?” He takes his seat next to the other in the bed, nuzzling in close and safe. That seems to give a clue, Felix softly asking, “Minnie, can you tell me how old you feel?”
“Hngg.”
“Come on, it’s ok. You can tell me.”
“Four,” Seungmin mumbled, because he wasn’t very sure. “Maybe littler… or bigger… bu’ four. I wan’ed ‘o go back to slweep bu’ fel’ small and have to come see Lixie-hyung when I fweel small…” Even if he’s asleep. Which seems stupid, but apparently, it’s correct.
He felt Felix’s chest vibrate under his head as the older hummed. “You did good, sweetheart, it’s ok.” A hand cards through his hair. “Well done, hm? Good job.”
“Really?” He didn’t believe that was true. He woke Felix up, that’s not nice. Even if he’s meant to, it still wasn’t nice to get woken up suddenly by a figure at the door wanting hugs. Even if that figure was Seungmin and Felix liked whenever Seungmin randomly decided he loves being hugged. “You was asleep.”
“Still a good choice, yeah? Very good choice, Minnie, I’m proud of you, hm? Very proud.” He melts a little more into Felix’s chest at the praise. He was proud of him, happy with him, and that makes his chest light up with fireflies.
“You were asleep too, hm?” Seungmin nodded, not understanding why that was important. “You wanna tell me why you woke up?”
Oh. “I dunno.” He sort of just… woke up. There wasn’t a big drama, he didn’t have a nightmare, nothing happened. He was cold but that’s all there was. Only the temperature. “No bad dings…”
“You sure there wasn’t anything bad?”
“Uh huh… Jus’ cwold. Wan’ed hug.”
“I can do hugs.” Felix squeezed him tight, then released his hold when Seungmin started to wriggle. He didn’t wanna be squished too much, breathing is still important. “Sleepy hugs, hm? Do you know what time it is?”
“Noes… You hab a phone.”
“It’s… Um, it ran out of charge.”
“Why you no charge i’?”
“Because I’m tired and didn’t want to get up.”
“Ohs. Oks.” That’s a suitable enough explanation. “Lazy?”
“Not lazy kiddo, just tired. There’s a difference.”
“Like wha’?”
“Hmm.” Felix explains the difference but Seungmin is tired. And while he asked, it’s not very interesting to his brain. “Make sense?”
“Too long. Minnie no listen.”
“Rude.”
Seungmin sat up, offended. “I no’ rude!” He’s very good, actually, stated by Felix himself.
“No, you’re not, you’re sleepy. Tired little kid, aren’t you?”
“Was dat a test?”
“An unintentional one, but yeah.”
“Un… Uniteshinal…”
“Mhm, sleepy. C’mon darling, no more talking.”
They slid down the bed slightly, Felix’s arms still wrapped around. He leaned over to kiss Seungmin’s head, whispering, “Sweet dreams, Minnie. Wake me up if you need something, ok?” A little hum left his lips as they both dozed off.
🌱
“Morning.”
“Mmmm.”
Seungmin blinked his eyes open, noting how it was still dark outside. “Still little, are we?” He did his checks.
Head fuzzy, want milk, need a hug, voice tiny in his head, everything’s too big.
Certificate of still being regressed approved.
“Nnng.” Felix watched as Seungmin sat up, rubbing his eyes with a balled fist and staring at the curtains. “‘S too earwyyyy. Wanna sleeeeep.” He may have just risen, but he flopped back down and tried to get comfy again.
“Awh, Minnie, it’s time to get up, come on.” Seungmin whined, kicking his legs as Felix dragged the blankets and covers off his body. “I’ll make you some breakfast hon, you get yourself up.”
He wanted milk. And cookies. And sugar. And cereal. But mainly he wanted milk. In a bottle, because juice goes in sippy cups and milk goes in bottles. That’s how it works, and if anybody else says differently, then they’re wrong.
But Felix says he shouldn’t talk like that, because it’s a ‘difference of opinion’ and not ‘serious circumstances where it’s actually wrong’ but those words are really long and complicated and Seungmin doesn’t like them. This is life or death for him.
“Lixieeeeeee—”
“Yes, Seungminnie?”
“Wha’ we doin’ today?”
They had work, because it’s dark outside, and Felix would only wake Seungmin up if it was important when it’s still nighttime. Work isn’t fun, but sometimes it was.
“I have a flight. You have vocal lessons in the afternoon.” That’s not too bad, minus the flight. The flight is bad. But that was followed by, “Changbin-hyung is coming over to take you.”
Seungmin looked over with wide eyes. “Yes, Minnie, you get to see Binnie-hyung.” Felix looked very tired, no enthusiasm over this extremely good news, but he had enough for them both.
“Binnie-hyung! Binnie-hyung! Binnie-hyung!”
“Am I not your favourite?”
“All yous my fa… fa’ouri’.”
Felix sighed, walking over to the door and holding the frame. “Yeah, I know. Just messing.” Seungmin likes when he‘s silly, doing things just to make life fun. He knows Seungmin likes it too. “I want to make sure you eat something before I go. Get yourself up, if you need help, call for me.”
Seungmin groaned back down into his pillow, flailing his arms and legs around in protest of the idea. He didn’t need to get up, only Felix did, because he had to get on a plane and travel away and bring back a toy for Seungmin. That’s obviously the reason he has so many other commitments, and it’s definitely not because he likes work.
Because who in their right mind would like work?
Actually, Seungmin does enjoy work, very much so in fact. But when he’s little, he can’t think of anything worse. Especially because it means Felix leaves.
Time had passed, but Seungmin didn’t know how long.
“Seungmin.”
“Nuh uh.”
“You want to be good for when Binnie-hyung gets here, right? Let’s get up now.”
“Noooo…”
Then Felix says something completely preposterous. “Sweetheart, do you need help?”
Absolutely not. Seungmin shoots up, staring at Felix with narrowed eyes. “I’ma big boy, nuh uh.” He might need help with his clothes, but he can get out of bed by himself. “Wan’ milk.” And the most important thing right now was that Felix was holding back the privilege of having said milk.
“I’ll make you a bottle, but you need to get up for it. So… come on.” That’s unfair. Why can’t he have the bottle in bed, that’s easier. So much easier! Then Felix can go away to his flight and Seungmin can snuggle into his bed and cry over missing him.
Not that he would cry. He’s not a crier. Just… potentially one to throw a tantrum. So he’s been told! He would never say that himself. He’s good. Until he doesn’t get his way and then maybe he’s a little whiny.
Felix walked over to him and stared. “Now. Up, let’s go.” Seungmin shook his head, watching the older pinch the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to get frustrated with you this early in the morning, come on.”
“Bu’ you already fu… fr-frushra’ed.”
“Yeah, alright, that’s… fair. Come on, come get your bottle.”
“Nuh.”
There was the common sound of jingling keys and the front door shutting in the distance. “Yongbok-ah?”
“In my room.” Felix calls out. “That’s Changbin-hyung now, so I’m going. Alright?”
Seungmin frowns. “Is Lixie-hyung mad at me?” He would admit that he might be behaving slightly wrong, and Felix leaving in the middle of bad behaviour without a hug wouldn’t be good. That would, in fact, be horrible.
“No, puppy, I’m not mad. You’re frustrating but adorable. Unfortunately.”
“Un… forchunaly.”
“Yeah. That.”
“Hug?”
“Yeah, of course, it’s alright.”
Felix kneels over the bed, wrapping Seungmin up. He feels a little better now.
But then Changbin walks in, Chan following behind him. Seungmin wasn’t expecting Chan. He doesn’t like that and they all know he doesn’t like that. Fiddling with the blanket, he pulls it over his head, hiding from the change.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Changbin, probably, walks around the bed. “Minnie, let’s not hide, ok?”
“Nuh.”
His roommate’s voice is very recognisable, and it’s further away now, by the door maybe. “He’s having a rough morning. I really need to leave, there’s food out for him. He won't get out of bed. That’s… about it.” Seungmin pulls the blanket down for a second to look for Felix’s face. He gives a tiny wave, then goes back to hiding. “Bye love. I’ll be back tomorrow, be good.”
“Mwaybe…”
The grown-ups talk but Seungmin doesn’t pay attention. He hides deeper under the blanket, finding the bed covers and moving under them. The outside sounds are muffled, only him and his dog plushie in the fort.
It was dark last night, so he couldn’t tell who he grabbed. Now, he knows, because Felix was rude and turned the lights on.
This one’s name is Mango. He thinks this is extremely important information that everyone must know. Because it is, and if you disagree then you don’t appreciate Seungmin as a person.
“Pup, why are you hiding?” Chan’s on the other side of him, poking his head under the covers. “Can we hide too?”
“Mmmm, you no’ meant to be hereee.” There’s a few tears in his eyes. But Seungmin isn’t a crier. Ok? He’s just overwhelmed. “Only Binnie-hyung.”
“Yeah, I know. Lixie only said that Binnie was coming over.”
“You no’ meant to be here.”
“That’s different, isn’t it? Is that why you’re upset?”
“Mmmmm.”
“It’s hard, hm? When the plans are different? I get it, that’s hard for me too.”
Seungmin sniffs. He’s aware there’s tears on his cheeks, but he is not admitting to crying yet. He’s scared because the plans changed, that’s it though. He isn’t crying. Nope.
“What do you want us to do about it?” Changbin asks that, from the side he was on, with the blanket lifting up a little to reveal his face. Which Seungmin can’t actually see, because his safety fort is dark. “Do you want Channie-hyung to go to the living room for a little while?”
“Noes. I wan’… I dunno.” His chest hurts. Maybe he is crying, maybe he’ll admit that now, but he isn’t really. It doesn’t count. “Wan’ milk.”
“Shall I get your milk for you then?”
“Nuh, I do dat. I big.”
“Really? You wanna show me?”
Seungmin thinks about the offer. Then nods, even though neither of them can see that action, before crawling out of his fort and towards the end of the bed. He slithers down, landing on the floor, Mango in hand.
“Hi hyungs.”
“Awh, hi sweetheart.”
Changbin help’s him stand up, mildly wobbly but functional. “No crying alone, alright?” Seungmin shakes his head because he wasn’t crying. Actually, by his own definition of what crying is, he wasn’t even close.
“Who’s this, hm?” Chan points to the plushie dangling from Seungmin’s hands. “I don’t think we’ve met.”
“Mango. She’s shy.”
“Ah. Ok, well, whenever Mango is ready to meet me, I’ll be waiting. Yeah?”
“Mhmm… Might be a while.”
“That’s ok, I can wait.”
He wants to hide under the blankets again – because he feels too emotional to be standing and talking and he doesn’t like that – but Seungmin main priority is his milk bottle. “Milk. Now.”
“Yah, manners.” Changbin takes his hand, dragging him out of Felix’s room and through to the kitchen. Chan followed behind, slower, doing that thing where people you are upset at don’t talk to you but in a nicer way. “Show us how you get your milk, pup.”
Seungmin giggled. He ran over to the cupboard, (the one that was high up and hard for Felix to actually reach despite him being the only one who used it normally) and grabbed a bottle. He put it on the counter, placing Mango beside it. Then he walked over to the fridge, took out the milk and added it in the line.
“‘M not awowed to heat i’ up.” Changbin laughed, walking over to fix the bottle for him. “Dank ‘ou.”
“Yeah, I know angel. I’m the best. Go sit on the couch, I’ll bring it over.”
Chan watched Seungmin intensely as he ran to his room and came back with his notebooks. “Whatcha got there, Minnie?” He’s seen these before, so he shouldn’t be that surprised or asking questions, but Seungmin likes when people ask about his notebooks.
“Dishonaries.”
“Hmm, can I see?”
“Say long wo’d.”
“Any long word?”
“If i’ no’ in ma dishonary den you can look.”
It’s sound logic in his opinion. “Ah. Right. Smart, making me do this every time.” Chan sits down next to him on the floor, not the couch like Binnie-hyung had asked, and taps his lips like he’s thinking really hard. “How about characterologically?”
“You wha’?”
“Pardon. He means pardon, don’t you?”
“Nuh…”
Changbin has this weird obsession with teaching Seungmin manners. “Here’s your milk, pup.” He takes it, staring at Chan in the hopes he will explain the word he just said. “What do you say Minnie? Thank you? Hm?”
“Dank ‘ou.”
“Well done, gold star.”
That was literal. There was a star chart. Changbin was far more interested in it than Seungmin was. Well… maybe he liked it a little bit, but he wasn’t admitting that. Especially not to the man who would spend ages calculating if he could get a reward for being good. He could withhold awards, or even cheat to make Seungmin get awards faster.
“You wanna know what the word means?”
“Yuh.”
“Characterologically means something based on character… or the study of character.”
“Li’…”
“Like… Hm. You know how in TV shows, there’s the story? Then the characters change over the course of that story?”
“Mmmm… Mwaybe.”
He opens the notebooks up, still listening to what Chan is saying. Not distracted, obviously. He wants the definition. “Yeah, so… If someone studied that, then they’d be looking at things characterologically. I think.” Seungmin gives him a look of disapproval. “I looked it up a few days ago, my memory is spotty. But it’s something like that.”
Changbin sits next to him, resting a hand on his back and tapping lightly. “I know you want to show Channie-hyung your dictionaries, but you need to drink your milk kiddo.” Seungmin whines, because he likes when people look through his notebooks with him more than milk. Much more than milk. “Shh, it’s ok. I can show him while you drink, is that ok?”
“Nuh uh, I wanna show.”
“Alright. But let’s drink first, angel.”
He reluctantly puts the books down, taking his bottle and drinking his milk. “Uh uh, not too fast angel.” He huffs and puts the bottle down, folding his arms and frowning. “Hey… Why are you grumpy?”
Seungmin is not grumpy. “‘M no’ grumpy.” See! He’s so not grumpy that he said it out loud. Maybe he sounds grumpy, maybe he looks it too, but he isn’t.
“Minnie… what’s up?”
“Ceiwing.”
“Haha, very funny. Can I have the truth?”
Shaking his head, Seungmin curled up in a ball. He didn’t want to tell the truth. “Awh, Minnie…” Changbin stroked his hair. “Use your words, pup. You can do it.” That’s scary though. He doesn’t want to talk about how he feels, it’s not nice.
“I know it’s hard, sweetheart, but me and Binnie-hyung need to know so we can help? Yeah?” He looked up at Chan, moving closer to Changbin to steal a hug. It was welcomed immediately, firm arms tightly wrapped around Seungmin’s body. “It’s really hard to talk sometimes, and it’s really hard to tell the truth about how we feel too, but it’s important that we do, yeah? Mhm, I think so.”
“Channie-hyung’s right angel, let’s talk, ok?” Changbin combed through his hair while Seungmin tried to hide his face. Because there were tears again. “Can you tell us what’s going on in your head kiddo?”
He bit his lip and leaned into Changbin’s ear to whisper, “Miss Lixie-hyung…” He didn’t like when Felix left. Like someone was stealing all the sugar he stores in a box. He doesn’t tell anybody where the box is for this reason. But, unfortunately, Seungmin cannot do that with Felix.
He has tried. It failed.
“Awh, Minnie.” Changbin holds him closer. “It’s ok.” It’s not, he’s just saying that. Felix being away is one of the worst things ever. “He’ll be back tomorrow night, yeah?”
“Wan’ him nowwww.”
“I know. Shhh, I’m here. He’s busy, hm? You’re busy too sometimes.”
“Bu’… Bu’ I wan’ him. I-I wan’ hugs.”
“Hey, no no. It’s ok.”
Chan’s right behind him now. “Does Lixie give good hugs, sweetheart?” The best. Ever. Changbin’s hugs are good, so are Chan’s, but Felix’s hugs are so good because they talk through them. He loves his late-night talks in Felix’s bed. He loves when Felix lets him repeat words and he doesn’t correct the pronunciation unless Seungmin asks.
“Mmmm.” He sniffles, burying his head into Changbin’s side. He still isn’t crying, because he doesn’t cry, but there are tears rolling down his face and he’s making noises that sound like sobbing. But he is not crying! Do not confuse it.
Eventually, after not crying for while, stealing all the hugs in the world… Seungmin realises how tired he is. “Wan’ nap.”
“Are you just saying that so you get out of dealing with your emotions?”
“Nuh, di’n’ eep.”
“Why not, hm?”
“Lixie-hyung woke me up an’ before dat I di’n’ eep good.”
The other two share a look, Changbin asking, “Why didn’t you sleep good kiddo?” He keeps Seungmin locked in the hug, and it’s nice. He likes hugs, especially when he can’t get out of them that easily because he’s being squished.
But he wants Felix to hug him. He wants to wriggle around because Felix holds him too tightly or fidget with his fingers while he talks about things and omits words (because apparently saying ‘died’ when talking about a phone is too much for Seungmin’s little ears) but keeps the long ones in so he can ask about them. He wants to annoy him too, because that’s funny. He just wants Felix back.
“I dunno. Jus’ di’n’.”
“Yongbok-ah said you went to bed early, did you not sleep?”
“Nuh… Minnie trwy bu’ i’ di’n’ wor’.”
“Good job for trying, yeah? Let’s get you to bed now.”
“Nap.” Changbin lets go, much to Seungmin’s initial dismay, and stands them both up. “Dishonaries come wit’ me.”
“Yeah, I know angel, let’s put them back where they belong.” Seungmin watches the grown-ups as they pick up his books, Mango in his hands, then walks to his bedroom. He’s still pouting, eyes wet with tears, but he is not crying. He didn’t cry. At all.
Chan enters first. “Where do these go?” Seungmin points to under his bed, the box of books he has stored away. “In here?” He nods, letting Mango dance a little. She likes dancing. “Ok, sweetheart, thank you.”
“Welcomes… Mango says hi.”
“Oh really? Hi Mango. It’s nice to meet you!”
He bites his tongue but proceeds anyways. “I sowwy fo’ not wan’ing ‘ou here…” Even if his plans were ruined, he didn’t want Chan to feel upset. That’s not nice. It’s nice to annoy people, but when they’re actually upset then it becomes inconvenient.
“Awh, Minnie, that’s ok. I understand it’s hard, yeah?”
“Mmm. Is Channie-hyung sad…”
“No, pup. I’m not sad. Thank you for apologising.”
“Apol… apol-lo-gi-sing.”
Changbin comes in now, putting the dictionaries in the box. “Yeah! Apologising. Do you know what that means?” He nods. Felix told him. “That’s good. We good?”
“Mmhm.” Seungmin still didn’t exactly want Chan to be there, but he wasn’t mad at the fact that he was. He does enjoy Chan’s existence, actually. He just doesn’t like change. “You don’ wike change eider.”
“Not really. Not at all… actually.”
“Hmmm.”
“Come on, pup. Nap time.”
Seungmin doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to sleep in his bed, and that seems to be the plan. He doesn’t like that plan. “Minnie,” Changbin says, walking closer, “let’s get into bed now.”
“Nuh.”
“Why not?”
“Wanna eep in Lixie-hyung’s bed.”
“Alright.”
Well… that was easy. Unexpectedly easy.
“Do you need anything from this room sweetheart?”
“Wan’ Melon.”
“What?”
Changbin knows. Chan doesn’t, evidently, so he stands there being confused while the other rakes through the box of plushies to find the right one.
Melon is Seungmin’s favourite. Except he doesn’t have favourites, but if he was ever asked, Melon would be top pick. And he’s asked a lot, but he never answers, because he thinks it’s unfair. Even if Melon is his favourite, the rest are all very important too.
“Here.” Changbin gives Seungmin the dog. He’s older than the other ones, a lot older than Mango. “Has Channie-hyung met Melon?”
“Yuh.”
“Was a while ago though. Can I say hi?”
“Mmm, no.”
“Alright. Shall we get you into bed?”
“Yuh.”
They walk through to Felix’s room, Changbin next to Seungmin and Chan lagging behind. It was weird to be in the bedroom when the owner of it isn’t there, but he does this a lot. He likes it a lot too. The peace and quiet that enters his mind as soon as he gets into Felix’s bed.
Seungmin doesn’t know why Felix is his favourite.
Not like how he knows that Melon is his favourite because he’s the oldest. He’s had him the longest, he likes him the most because of that. He’s had more time to love him.
But with Felix it’s more complicated than that. He can’t explain it, so he never does.
“There you go, all snug.” Changbin tucked him in, blankets up to his chin, Mango and Melon still in his hands under them. “Do you want anything angel?”
“Hug.”
“Hmm, ok. We can do hugs. Do you want me and Channie-hyung to give hugs?”
“Mhm. If yous bo’ wanna.”
“I’m good with with hugs. Hyung?”
Chan moved from the doorway over to the bed, sitting on top of the covers. “I have always got time for hugs with little Minnie.” He brushed some hair from Seungmin’s eyes, Changbin now joining them in the bed.
“Cwuddles.”
“Mhm. Good cuddles.”
Seungmin closed his eyes, content with the amount of attention he was receiving.
“Excellent cuddles.”
“Egg-sell-en’.”
“Yep, excellent.”
🌱
Kim Seungmin’s dictionary – Volume 5.
Please note that there may be duplicates in this book. I have a lot of books. The crying definition is in every book, because that is the most important and is the one I get asked about the most. So please observe it. Thank you.
Crying – I decide I am crying, nobody else gets to. Therefore, Kim Seungmin isn’t a crier.
Lazy – Lixie-hyung not charging his phone when he should.
Tired – Lixie-hyung insists that I am this instead of rude.
Note!!!! Lixie-hyung also insists that lazy and tired are different. He didn’t say if sleepy is the same as either of those. So please ask him when he returns from buying you a new toy.
Unintentional – By accident.
Favourite – Everyone unless they are mean. And not everyone until you know them. Strangers are bad. And sometimes it means more than that, like with Melon and Lixie-hyung.
Frustrated – When Lixie-hyung pinches the top of his nose and looks mad but not that mad.
Unfortunately – When two opposites are together. Like how I am both frustrating and adorable.
Note!!!! I do not like being called adorable. I actually despise that. It makes me go bright red. Please don’t. Thank you.
Smart – Channie-hyung seems to think I am smart because I make him say a new word every time when he asks to look in my dictionary. I also believe this, because it means the book grows more. Like the next word.
Characterologically – Channie-hyung does not in fact know the meaning of this, so please google it later when big and allowed technology again.
Excellent – What cuddles are.