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Yeesh, welcome the Herta Space Station. What a stuffy group! For poor ol’ Sampo Koski, Mister Cold Feet, man of a thousand names, jack of all trades, master of none, this place was just as cold as Madame Herta herself. And that’s cold! Colder than Belobog by a long shot! Not temperature, though. It’s actually quite temperate, but the people… jeez! You’d think someone would study social graces here!
Oh, wait, Emily was kind of doing that. Remember Emily? Daily missions? What happened to those? Do we still do those?
Off topic, back to our favorite topic: Sampo Koski. You might be wondering, what’s such a handsome man doing on such a stuffy research station? Easy answer, young reader! It was really really simple. Like our brave hero told Sparkle, he needed his mask back. And who had it? Hm? Who has the Masked Fool’s Mask? Why, none other than Herta! Herta T. Herta! The T. stands for The, in this case. Does she have a surname? Who knows?
Back to Sampo.
Ya see, when you, yes you, dear reader, play your little ‘Simulated Universe’ or ‘Divergent Universe’ or what-have-yous, and you pick your little ‘Curios,’ there’s one Curio, The Fool’s Mask, that’s actually someone’s personal belonging! Talk about inconsiderate! And that mask did— sorry, does, belong to one Sampo Koski.
Now, as for how he got onto the Space Station, seeing as it’s a bit private and not open to the public? Eh, don’t worry about it. Story for another time.
And you might be wondering, did anyone notice this tall, handsome statue of a man walking through the Space Station? Yes, they did. A lot of them did. But Mister Cold Feet was slippery. Like a snake, a handsome beast of a snake. But he wasn’t wasting time on the little people, or that basement area with the plants, or the place with Ruan Mei’s abandoned little guys… even if they were oh so cute! — Wait, why did none of them look like Sampo? How come Blade got one? He doesn’t even like you! He wants to kill your BFF!
Anywho! Sampo, very dashingly, made it to the Storage Zone, just so he could get his little… eh, no. Not little. Let’s take that back. Sampo, after confounding scientists and guards at every corner, slyly dropped into the Storage Zone, just so he could get his big and handsome hands on that sweet, sweet Curio. Now, you might be wondering (again, but curiosity is a good thing) why Sampo Koski needed his mask back? Well, indulge me while I tell a little tale.
Once upon a time… They say it was a while ago.
“Huh?”
Amber Eras ago… a few, actually, a lot. Several, let’s say. Anyway, they say Aha saw the universe itself for what it was: nothing. And in that moment, THEY laughed and laughed and laughed until THEY ascended to their current status as an Aeon. That’s what they, not THEY, say. Aha The Elation puts people on the path of pure unadulterated hedonism, do whatever you want, cause why the heck not! Maybe that seems like the Nihility, but they’re such downers. Self-Annihilators? Yeesh. Just play a video game and relax! It worked for Giovanni. But that’s what they say about Aha.
“Hm…”
Shh, don’t worry about that.
Anyway, they also say collecting enough mirrors can bring back Idrila the Beauty, which seems silly! ‘They’ think the Propagation is dead for good. Ha! How do you kill the ‘Make more’ guy? Guy… bug. Whatever. What does anyone know? Especially ‘they’ or ‘you’ or even ‘them,’ it’s all really—
“Wait, who’s narrating this?”
Uh oh.
“Madame Herta! Madame Herta! There’s been a terrible infiltrator!”
“Madame Herta, someone who follows The Elation has managed to sneak upon this very space station!”
‘Follow’ is a strong word.
“I was just about to say that.”
“Then you should have said it faster.
Are your mirrors fighting?
“Enough.”
______________________________________________________________________________
With the slamming of a large key, or perhaps a staff, Sampo Koski appeared in a flash and hit the floor, hard, right on his behind. The Herta Space Station was a silent, clean, cold environment, much like its master. Before him was Madame Herta with her usual displeased look. The key disappeared into light, and her arms crossed over her chest. Around her were four mirrors, or… really, they looked like windows, each reflecting into something rather drastic looking. No doubt he found Herta’s office… the one no one gets to see.
“Talk about an icy reception, sheesh!” Sampo said, rubbing the back of his head.
The Genius remained unmoving, not a scrap of emotion on her face. “What do you want, Fool?”
Sampo slowly stood up, which seemed to make two of the mirrors upset. Seemed to, it’s not like you could read their body language. Seeing as… you know. No body to read. “Hey, hey, I have a name, you know! Might as well use it!”
Herta perked a brow. “Oh? And which is it today?” She tapped her chin, mocking the idea of thinking. “Is it Sampo Koski, or Mister Cold Feet? Is it Brughel Poisson, or Jarilo-VI Caveman?”
Sampo held up his hands. “Actually, it’s the Belobog Caveman, I can’t get around the entire planet. I’m just one man. And it’s not like there are many other settlements there, right, Madame Herta?”
Finally, the woman rolled her eyes. “Eugh.” Madame Herta turned around and began to walk away. “Fourth Mirror, you can have him if you want. I’ve no need for a Fool at the present time. Third Mirror? Where’s the Curio I was examining yesterday?” As she spoke, the Fourth Mirror approached him.
“Sorry,” the mirror’s voice rang out. “This really isn’t personal. I never got to absorb a Masked Fool, though, usually just Memosnatchers! This will be exciting for both of us!”
Sampo backed up a bit. “Hey, I mean, I’m pretty tasty, but I’m not sure about all this! Buy a guy dinner first!”
“We do not eat,” The First Mirror pointed out.
Herta cleared her throat. “Make this faster, please. I have work to do.” Herta, helpful to the situation, was levitating a curio in her hand. It looked like a block of cheese, but instead of a cheesy color, it was a sea of stars. That’d be cute if Sampo Koski weren’t about to be sucked into a mirror. Poor me! I mean, well, we, I, the narrator—
“Stop it!”
Ugh, sorry, Madame Herta. He keeps doing that.
Where are we? Oh, right. Poor Sampo! But luckily, Sampo always had a trick up his sleeve. Usually bombs, subterfuge, money (or someone else’s money), but up against a Genius and an Emanator to boot, Sampo had to pull out an old party trick. With the snap of his fingers, the floor transformed into a dance game, with different squares of light displaying bright colors. Yellow, pink, green, then POP!
“What are you doing?!” The Mirror said, nervously, frantically. Then… Fireworks! The Fourth Mirror was shoved away from him with a rainbow force. She— it? Breathed heavily, shocked.
“Madame Herta! The fool—!”
Madame Herta whipped around. In a flash of light, she was already holding her large staff to his chin. “You.” She said. “You were blessed by The Elation? You? Really? I figured it’d be someone more…”
“Someone more what? I’m charming, handsome, not to mention a great conversational partner, I’m a spectacular businessman, and—”
“Stop it.” Herta shoved the staff forward, shoving his chin up a bit. Sampo drew his fingers across his lips and pretended to throw away the key. “An Emanator of the Elation happens to sneak aboard my Station in the wake of a cosmic disaster and attempts to steal my things? When it was simply a Fool creeping in the ducts, this was somewhat amusing. But I am not smiling.”
“Do you ever?” Sampo said, frowning. That did not, in fact, make Herta smile.
“I only meet people in person if they’re worth the time, and you certainly are not. You forced your way into my Space Station and won’t even do me the courtesy of dying or at least letting Fourth Mirror have you. So why do you need to take up more of my precious time?”
Sampo pouted. “We can’t just chat? Emanator to Emanator?”
“No.” Herta said plainly. “Drop the guise, ‘Mister Cold Feet,’ and maybe we can.”
The guise… that caused his features to harden a bit. Sampo didn’t seem to be as giddy about himself as he claimed to be. He glared as he spoke. “Let’s not be hasty, I’d rather—”
Herta held up a finger. “That wasn’t a suggestion, that was a command.”
Sampo sighed. “Names, backstories, identities… It’s all so limiting! Let a man have some mystery! I’ll be honest, I promise. Just…” He put a finger on her staff, pointing it down, displaying his best attempt at puppy dog eyes. “Let me be Sampo Koski from Belobog a little while longer, okay?”
Herta met his puppy dog eyes with the gaze of someone who hates dogs. “Only because there’s no point in arguing with a Fool, lest I go mad myself.”
Herta backed up as Sampo did another dramatic sigh. “Oh yeah? Well, I think there’s no use arguing with a Genius after all, especially The Herta! These clothes cost a lot, you know. Okay, not that much of my own money, but still! Several other people have paid a lot for this outfit!”
Her staff melted into sparkling light again. “You look… unfinished. You’d think The Elation would allow a wardrobe to be fashionable. The Fool pouted again, which made Herta roll her eyes. “Stop making that face. It’s annoying.”
Sampo put his hands on his hips. “Well, listen here, lady! You’re hurting my feelings; I have to react somehow!”
“The feelings of a fanatical worshipper of The Elation mean less to me than the feelings of the plants in my biologists’ greenhouses.” The genius’s eyes were always cold, but grew colder as she said this. “Which is to say, less than nothing.”
Sampo grimaced. “Yyyyyikes. Isn’t there camaraderie among Emanators? Don’t we have to stick together?”
“No.” Herta said, plainly.
“No?”
“No. N. O. Is your grasp on the common language that limited?” With a flick of her wrists, Herta sent her mirrors away.
Sampo put the back of his hand on his forehead and the other on his chest. “Come on, where’s your team spirit?”
She scoffed. “If Emanators did ‘stick together’ then I would be here on the ‘team’ of Erudition. I’d have Doctor Primitive here and let him turn you into a monkey. Then you’d really be Belobog’s ape man.”
“It’s Caveman, actually,” Sampo pointed out.
“I don’t care,” Herta said, turning and walking away again. Going through a door to a smaller room, Sampo picked up the pace to follow her. Not that she asked him to follow, but he still did. “All my calculations are complete, and you’re more of a pest than a threat. I’ve got a possible list of reasons you would come by,” She sat at a desk in the room, a screen levitating in front of her. She swiped through different scenes on it, not looking at Sampo anymore. “If it’s just a chat, the answer will always be no. If it’s for a favor, the answer is no. If you want something, the answer is no, unless it’s to be a research subject. Then it’s maybe, but I wouldn’t be dealing with you. There’s bureaucracy for a reason.” She crossed one leg over the other, resting her chin in her hand. “But you wouldn’t risk mortal peril just to sign up for all of this, so you should really tell me what you want so we can both get on with our lives.”
The Space Station really did reflect its master. Cold, clean, and vast, but somehow empty in a way. Since this was her domain, her office, she was in control. By sending her mirrors away she made it clear she wasn’t afraid of Sampo, even if he was also an Emanator. But by not being afraid of him, it showed she didn’t know how he operated. Why be called The Elation if you were going to use fear tactics?
“Actually,” Sampo pulled a small toy box from his pocket and began to wind it, making small music. Sad violin music, matching his sad face. “I came here for a specific reason...” When the box opened out popped confetti, and Sampo disappeared in a flash of smoke, appearing again in front of Herta. “You have something of mine, Miss Madame.”
Herta was unimpressed by parlor tricks. If she wanted to see a magic show, she’d go to Penacony. “Why would I have something of yours, Fool?” she asked. “I don’t dumpster dive.” That felt pointed. Did she know about Tatalov? Sampo jumped up, crossing his legs and sitting in midair. Herta closed the screen, glaring at him. “Can you stop breaking conventional physics in my office? It’s not even noon.”
He put his chin in his hand. “Listen, things are gonna get weird real fast, real soon. You know it, you feel it. Weirder than Amphoreus, and that was just plain freaky!”
“I’m surprised no Fool made their move there. Simulated as it might have been, you were strangely absent for that. With the Trailblaze and Elation’s history, it’s no surprise to find you on their more recent stops, especially with the Little One, but not a single Fool was there for the birth of Iron Tomb.” Herta narrowed her eyes. “And now, after its death, there’s one barking at me in my own Station.”
“Little One?”
“The little Stellaron kid kicking around the Astral Express.”
“Aw, no. You said Little One, like you like them! How adorable!” Sampo laughed, rotating in the air in a circle as he chuckled. Once upright again, he put his legs down and wiped a fake tear off his eye. “Aw man, Miss Space Station, are you growing soft in your years? I mean, connecting with Nous for another Instant to save a few lines of Code in an Equation? Jeez, talk about Sentimental.”
Herta, for the first time in a very, very, very, long time, was somewhat stunned. But the shock was very quickly overwritten by anger, to which she summoned her staff again, blasting Sampo into the wall with a force of purple energy.
“Pick your next words wisely, Fool.” She hissed, walking towards him. “How do you know all of that? You weren’t even there.”
Sampo laughed again. “Ouch!” He said, first. Then continued. “You think someone my age could have lived on Jarilo-VI his whole life and still be a Masked Fool? And an Emanator? How would I have ever seen anything but snow, let alone get a mask? That place was depressing, cut off from everything! Besides, you know as well as I do that everyone knows more than they think. It’s just whether they realize it or not!”
“That means nothing. I’m a Genius. It’s my job to know things.”
“Huh, that’s a job? What’s the salary? I could use some cash.” Herta dropped him after that, standing over him. He gasped for air, coughing again. “Jeez.” The poor Fool said, not bothering to stand up yet. “Talk about—”
“You’re here for the Fool’s Mask, aren’t you?”
Do you see how impatient she is?
Me? The narrator? You’re asking me?
Who else is here?
“Stop it.”
Sorry, Madame Herta.
“Sorry, Madame.” He finally stood, dusting himself off again. “As I was saying. You and I know things are gonna get weird with the Lord Ravagers, so I need my Mask back… need to connect with the ol’ pals!”
Herta pushed Sampo aside, going to the Storage Zone’s collection once more. From one of the many drawers, she skimmed their contents. “The Fool’s Mask… I won’t ask how you know about the Simulated Universe, but I will make the firewalls Foolproof.”
“Was that a pun, Madame Herta?” Sampo prodded her with his elbow. Several alarms went off as soon as he made contact with her, but with a wave of her hand, they went off. “What was that?”
“Security. They usually vaporize anyone unauthorized to touch me.” She explained, pulling up her Curio list.
Sampo frowned. “Usually?”
Herta kept scrolling. “I turned it off,” she said, finding the Fool’s Mask. “But usually within three seconds the person is ash unless I give the clear.”
Sampo swallowed hard. “I like not being ash,” he admitted.
Herta didn’t dignify that with a response. Hard to imagine why, right? Another screen appeared before her. With a click of a button, she opened her hand and the Curio appeared. The Fool’s Mask, a red and yellow jester’s face twisted into a permanent smile… The Mask of a Masked Fool. It levitated above her hand as she examined it. “It will still be in the simulated universe, but my dolls will have to do the paperwork to file it as claimed.” Slowly, it moved towards Sampo, who took it in his hands, looking at it. He didn’t seem… no, it’s not that he didn’t seem, he wasn’t happy to see it again. “What?” Herta demanded.
Sampo lifted it up, letting it disappear into… wherever it was he kept his tools in a puff of fireworks. “Oh, nothing. I’ll be going now, thank you!”
Herta glared. “You can’t just break into my office, ask me inane questions before revealing your true motive, and not answer my own questions. What’s with this song and dance? You have the mask, your mask, if your story is to be believed, and you still aren’t happy. Why?!”
Sheesh. Demanding.
I know, right?
Can you let me tell this story?
Sampo looked at her, his eyes genuine for once. This actually shocked Herta. “Oh, come on.” He said with a slightly sad smile. “Don’t tell me you actually like all this. Wouldn’t it be easier to be an actual fool, to just think everything’s out of your control? Or maybe let it be out of your control for once?”
Herta was #83 of the Genius Society. She solved the Solitary Waves Theory, developed anti-aging technology, and created an entire space station dedicated solely to the pursuit of knowledge. She was bestowed powers directly from Nous The Erudition THEMSELF, a feat not every member of the Genius Society gets. Not only did she receive the gaze from Nous, but several others in the Simulated Universe. This Fool, this follower of The Elation, had the audacity to ask if she wanted to be a simpleton? Some unimportant idiot in the cold, uncaring cosmos? What is he, a Self-Annihilator? Pick a side! Instead of getting angry and letting the security system fry him, Herta simply walked to an Audience System Terminal and opened a door out of the Space Station back to Jarilo-VI. “Goodbye, Fool.” She said preemptively.
“No one understands me,” he bemoaned, walking to the open doorway. “Hey,” he said, turning to her again. “In Amphoreus… was the Elation there?”
Herta placed a hand on her hip. “You read the story, no doubt. There were no Aeons, there were Titans.”
Sampo wagged his finger. “They simulated paths, Miss the Space Station.” His face turned… genuine. Perhaps for the first time in his life. Maybe he didn’t even mean to do it. “The Elation was one of them, wasn’t it?”
She was surprised but not too stunned to speak. He already knew this much. Why not tell him one thing he apparently doesn’t? “Zagreus, the Titan of Trickery, was the simulated Path of Elation,” she explained. “The Dolos Cat received that Coreflame.”
Sampo nodded, slowly. “Was she happy?”
She narrowed her eyes. “You said they were lines of code in an equation, caveman. Now you ask if she was happy?” Her eyes shot Ice Damage at him. “You’re more of a mess than a typical Fool.”
Sampo’s face twisted back to his normal cocky expression. “I might be! Who knows?” He laughed. “Anyway, toodles, Madame Herta!” With a blown kiss and a quick skip, Sampo Koski was once again alone.
Wait, no. She was alone. I’m— He’s fine!
Stop hijacking the narration! You’re not in the story anymore!
Anyway. Sorry, reader. As I was saying.
______________________________________________________________________________
Herta was already back to looking through her files. “As I said, I only meet with people who are worth my time and interest.” Slowly, her mirrors filed in.
“Madame Herta, are you alright?!” Fourth Mirror asked.
“Of course she is.” Third Mirror said. “She’s always besting her enemies!”
“Shush,” First Mirror said. “Let her work.”
Herta sat in silence, detailing the thoughts of a Fool into her own computations. How disgusting. The Elation had crept into her own work now.