Work Text:
The line she draws is precise. Her motion is clean and she takes in a sharp breath as she makes her swipe.
She feels as the blood begins to swell up into little pools from the thin razors impact.
Her breath having caught on that moment when the pain first pings through her body. Her mind knowing as she watches the blood begin to ease out of its minute gap that she will follow through with some more lines.
Punishment, she thinks. For harming her patients today. By being their doctor. By being incompetent.
She keeps on going. One line springs up next to the first. Her left arms taking the action with a familiarity which has never quite left her despite how many times she’s tried to quit, to leave this trick in her past with him.
Trinity makes swift work of her arm. Watching as the blood from one of the markings starts to ooze into the other.
Before long there’s a steady stream of it starting to warm her arm. She doesn’t feel the urge to panic like she used to. She doesn’t consider that she might’ve gone too far.
The black spots in her vision are welcomed as she starts to feel a little less burdensome. A little better.
Her itch is scratched as she applies a damp towel over her work.
She’s sure to regret this splurge in the morning, or during the next power cut when she longs to be working in a shortsleeved top.
That feeling of mourning will come when she’s conscious enough of the bad decision she’s made to give into the impulse.
But right now, as she watches her blood spill, she feels like her dirt is being unburied. Her wrongs are being turned right.
Trinity feels his impact exiting her wound and sighs when she removes her cold compress to see the straight lines starting to ease off on bleeding already.
She’s sure that this will all be regretted and registered as wrong first thing in the morning but for that it has to be the morning and this is the night.
This is her arm burning up as she already feels the need to itch and soothe at once. As she sees the marks that aren’t heavy enough to leave scars for long. She contemplates letting herself have a few more pathways paved but this time sets down the blade. She applies a large piece of gauze to her arm and taped it into place.
She’ll go through the motions of cleaning and disinfecting in the morning when this is all real.
For now his pain, what he inflicted upon her, is in her focus and sleep to take away from remembering her patients is all she needs.
She taps on top of the gauze as she settles into bed. Settled. Stupidly relaxed.