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NOBODY CAN KILL PADMÉ AMIDALA

Summary:

DON'T TRY TO KILL SENATOR AMIDALA

listen fellow hunters. we've gotta talk about this. it’s been a long time coming.

every bounty hunter who goes after Padmé Amidala ends up dead.

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Or, Holonet bounty hunter forums, and the unkillable Senator Amidala.

Work Text:

~~~~~~~ ONLY REGISTERED BOUNTY HUNTERS PAST THIS POINT ~~~~~

 

Welcome to the official underground bounty hunters’ forum! Post your tips, tricks, and warnings here – let’s help our fellow hunters out ☺

 

Forum rules:

  • No moralizing. If you’ve got compunctions about the art of bounty hunting, then this isn’t the forum (or career) for you.
  • No identifying details.
  • No superiority complexes. Don’t judge lower tier bounty hunters. Everyone has to start somewhere.
  • No judgement. This is a safe space ☺

 

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SENATORS ARE SUCH EASY PICKINGS

11 comments | 50 likes | 1k views

 

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WAR OUTBREAK MEANS MORE BOUNTIES OR LESS?

239 comments | 96 likes | 2k views

 

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THEY GOT JANGO FETT??? # we’recooked #cantbelievehesgone

4903 comments | 1000 likes | 10k views

 

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DUDE SENATOR AMIDALA’S BOUNTY IS THROUGH THE ROOF AGAIN

#whichofyoumadladsisgonnatryitthistime #itslowkeytempting

44 comments | 102 likes | 523 views

 

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GUYS I THINK PADME AMIDALA MIGHT BE IMMORTAL

1999 comments | 3024 likes | 10k views

no bc think about it. how many times has she already been declared dead and miraculously come back to life the next day?? theres no way EVERY SINGLE assasination attempt was so chaotic that she mistakenly got declared dead EVERY SINGLE time. just think abt it.  

 

u/AAAAAAA

nah dude the false alarms are bc of the decoys she’s got. it’s always one of them that gets offed instead.

      u/cookiesforwookies

      brooo shut UP about the decoys shut UP about the decoys the decoys aren’t realllllll

          u/AAAAAAA

          wtf you mean?? yes they are?? they were a whole thing during the naboo invasion that’s why the trade federation got cooked??

              u/cookiesforwookies

              me when my source is nute “oh fuck this midrim world kicked my corporation’s ass better make up a plausible reason that doesn’t make us look like complete fucking morons” gunray. be SO fr right now

              u/tradefederationhater

              also the trade federation lies about everything ever under the sun. why would you trust them about anything to do with naboo culture ever. plus if decoys were a naboo thing the chancellor would have them too like??

                      u/nabooismyboo

                      no the decoys are real. theyre a whole thing here.

                          u/laterhaters

                          shut UPP about the decoys conspiracy stop trying to make ur planet seem coolr than it is

 

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GOT MY FIRST SILVER LEVEL

2 comments | 5 likes | 40 views

 

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DONT TRY TO KILL SENATOR AMIDALA

2300 comments | 5004 likes | 15k views

 

listen fellow hunters. weve gotta talk about this. it’s been a long time coming.

i don’t think i have to get into this here because everyone knows senator ami and how her bounty’s been through the roof since basically forever but EVERY damn month there’s SOME idiot hunter who looks at the bounty and goes “ah yes lemme go for it”

GUYS THERES A REASON THE BOUNTY’S SO HIGH?? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?? istggggg.

for those of you who don’t know (lmao be so fr), good ol’ ami entered the galactic scene like ten (?) years ago as queen of naboo back when the whole trade federation kerfuffle was going on. since naboo beat back the federation obvi everyone wanted her dead but there wasn’t that much energy at the time. but then hooooo boy. when she became a senator. she got all up in the trade federation’s business, took on the corporate alliance, kept pushing for peace and diplomacy and anti-war yada yada yada and suddenly nabbing her was the hottest bounty on the market. esp once her whole pre-war opposition to the military bill stuff started to get big.

but they just. couldn’t. get her. 

there were some close calls, but between her crazy naboo security force (the decoys are real, i don’t care what anyone says), her blaster draw instinct, and then suddenly the jedi protectors – every hunter who’s tried to go after her has ended up dead as a doornail.

(seriously remember when they got zam and jango and the other one all in that one week? insane i’m telling you.)

so this is my fair warning to all the newbies out there: don’t go after her. that shiny credit bottom line is not worth it. keep it real.

peace out.

 

u/allthatjizz

yall are exaggerating she’s literally just one senator. it’s just luck.

 

u/hotshot

okay but that was lowkey just bc of the jedi protectors. kenobi and skysomething?? like with two jedi on the job, no wonder fett couldn’t hack it. i’m sure if anyone had tried at LITERALLY any other time it would have been fine.

      u/jestingjedi

      SKYWALKER. 

          u/hotshot

          okay fanboy.

          u/tatoobaboon

          omg a skywalker won a podrace back on tatooine ages ago, i wonder if they’re related

              u/hotshot

              why the fuck would a tatooine podracer be related to a fucking jedi

                  u/tatoobaboon

                  no need to be so rude about it??

      u/aurabarsh

      okay but i think the jedi are more part of it than we give it credit for?? like the fact that she’s besties with jedi makes it all the more difficult to nab her overall. between her own security forces and the literal mystical warriors, she’s got all the right allies in her back pocket. OH AND THE LITERAL CHANCELLOR.

          u/corassaint

          they’re not besties they were just assigned to her that one time. yall are exaggerating

              u/kesselvessel

              no lowkey hes got a point. she’s kind of always around one jedi or other. esp that skywalker guy i guess they got close

                  u/issadora

                  ooh and the little togruta. tano?? she’s been popping up too

          u/aldering

          man i wish i had jedi besties

              u/aurabarsh

              you kill people for a living.

                  u/aldering

                  nt always!! sometimes i jsut kidnap them alive..

          u/cadfish

          the fuck is the chancellor gonna do against a bounty hunter. frail old man.

              u/aurabarsh

              the point is she’s got influenceeee

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BOUNTY ON PANTORAN SENATOR

12 comments | 38 likes | 540 views

 

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SEPPIES MORE HUNTER FRIENDLY THAN REPUBLIC?

39 comments | 200 likes | 1k views

 

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CLONES AS HUNTERS??

14 comments | 54 likes | 501 views

Yeah yeah it would never happen but also…. they would be terrifying. They’ve already got all the Fett in them.

 

u/justasmalltowngirl

They’re related to Fett???

      u/wesselltessell

      have you never seen a clone without their helmet.

      u/justasmalltowngirl

      i’m a small town hunter okay.

 

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AMI SHOT AURRA SING POINT BLANK

239 comments | 96 likes | 2k views

 

if anyone could get her i really thought it’d be aurra….

 

u/corecarol

she just didn’t have enough aura…

      u/reeva

      stfu



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WATCH OUT FOR JEDI TANO

10 comments | 30 likes | 2008 views

she’s a little squirt but she’s a tough one.

 

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DROIDS ARE TAKING OUR JOBS

404 comments | 2k likes | 10k views

Post removed. This forum is a safe space for ALL hunters. No divisive rhetoric permitted.

 

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INFLUX OF DROID ASSASSINS OVER SENTIENT HUNTERS

404 comments | 2k likes | 10k views

Post removed. This forum is a safe space for ALL hunters. No divisive rhetoric permitted.

 

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AMIDALA TIPS #49

3 comments | 500 likes | 2k views

closest we’ve gotten so far great work lads. for next time: speeder rides = least protection. senate rotunda? yeah right. apartment? forget about it. transit is the way to go.


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WHERE’S THE HUNTER IN BOUNTY HUNTER THESE DAYS

404 comments | 2k likes | 10k views

Post removed. This forum is a safe space for ALL hunters. No divisive rhetoric permitted.

 

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SKYWALKER IS TERRIFYING DONT TRY ANYTHING ON AMIDALA W HIM AROUND

23 comments | 2k likes | 7k views

i don’t think he’s got any of that mystic jedi calm mercy whatever. i genuinely believe he would gut you like a fish.

 

 

u/clonedout

hot

      u/wenverpirate

      no it isn’t????

          u/clonedout

          i mean….

 

u/yula

do we think it’s a little weird that a jedi is that close with a rando senator

      u/pantoriii

      nah.

      u/484848biney

      nah.

      u/deadtogalax

      none of our business lowkey.

          u/yula

          yes it is we’re the ones who have to deal w it.

              u/deadtogalax

              not if you’ve given up on ever nabbing ‘dala like me.

 

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THE SEPPIES GOT SKYWALKER, AMIDALARS NOW’S YOUR CHANCE

#goforitgoforitNOW 

44 comments | 102 likes | 523 views

 

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NVM THE SEPPIES DID NOT GET SKYWALKER DONT TRY ANYTHING

#ABORTABORTABORT

23 comments | 200 likes | 501 views

 

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HOLY SHIT THEY GOT A JEDI

212 comments | 5k likes | 10k views

A hunter nabbed Kenobi. This is insane.

[videoclip.zeid]

 

 

u/binarymoons

omg do you think we finally got good enough to take out amidala

      u/rosedout

      you amidalars are fucking infesting this sub. some of us want to discuss things that actually fucking matter. can you please move on from this one senator

          u/binarymoons

          hmmmmmmmmmm. no.

 

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JEDI TANO GONE

43 comments | 500 likes | 2008 views

 

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CADE BANE BEST TIPS AND TRICKS #59

3 comments | 54 likes | 403 views

 

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SEPPIES WINNING???

60 comments | 1k likes | 5k views

Post removed. Please keep to the topic of the forum: bounty hunting related tips, tricks, and activity!

 

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BOUNTY ON THE CHANCELLOR

489 comments | 7k likes | 20k views

 

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AMIDALA’S BEEN QUIET RECENTLY

13 comments | 52 likes | 300 views

out of the public eye, only participating in necessary votes, plus from [REDACTED] who saw her in person from a distance recently he said he felt a tired vibe from her. do we think…?

 

u/amidalar-numero-uno

you guys get your hopes up way to much. let’s make a few things clear. the only way that we would ever, ever nab amidala is this:

  1. all her jedi friends get killed in the war
  2. her security forces have an off day
  3. AND she doesn’t have the blaster hidden up her sleeve

(and the chancellor is out of the way i guess but lowkey from some of his speeches and her speeches compared side-by-side i get the vibe that he wouldn’t mind so much anymore if she was taken out of the picture)

      u/sloth-from-ryloth

      off topic but why was there never a huge bounty on the chancellor other than that one time

           u/amidalar-numero-uno

          none of our business.

 

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EMPIRE???

0 comments | 0 likes | 30k views

Post removed. Please keep to the topic of the forum: bounty hunting related tips, tricks, and activity!

 

u/yula

fuck you, that is relevant info.

 

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THEY KILLED SENATOR AMIDALA???

231 comments | 10k likes | 30k views

i think it’s for real this time guys. the chancellor gave a wholeass speech and everything. they’re having a crazy funeral procession here on naboo. i just want to know which of you crazy motherfuckers finally pulled this off.

(and if so you should split some of the credits with this forum bc lowkey… we’ve been helping u out since the beginning…)

 

u/amidalar-numero-uno

dude come on 🙄 we’ve been over this. there’s no way she’s dead.

      u/huntinlunchin

      okay but they’ve never had a funeral before??

      u/gloriousempir

      EMPEROR palpatine. put some respect on his name

          u/amidalar-numero-uno

          shut UPPP no one cares. 

          u/huntinlunchin

          shut up

          u/shiniesss

          nobody caressssss 



u/shiniesss

wait yeah lowkey guys… all the jedi ARE dead now…esp her two jedi besties. if there was ever a time this could be for real, it’s now

 

u/nabooismyboo

no guys trust. there’s no way. remember her decoys! 

      u/cookiesforwookies

      the decoys ARENT REALLLL

      u/latervader

      guys i think she fled to alderaan. i think she’s fleeing the regime

          u/nabooismyboo

          hold up you may have a point… she and organa were always close

          u/amidalar-hater

          🙄 you guys will believe anything.

 

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New forum rule!

  • Keep Empire talk positive and/or neutral please! It seems like the Empire will be working more closely with us in the future so let’s keep that relationship productive for everyone ☺

 

u/tradefederationhater

um hello this forum was supposed to be hunters only wtf does the empire have to do with it

 

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BOUNTY HUNTING LEGITIMIZED

0 comments | 0 likes | 10k views

 

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NVM EMPIRE PICKING OFF BOUNTY HUNTERS

1 comments | 0 likes | 10k views

 

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NVM BOUNTY HUNTING LEGITIMIZED AGAIN

2 comments | 0 likes | 10k views

 

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POSSIBLE AMIDALA SIGHTING #1

13 comments | 24 likes | 401 views

we agree there’s no way she’s dead. look at this camera shot from an undercover hunter on alderaan:

[photo.zeid]

 

u/nabooismyboo

DECOY

      u/cookiesforwookies

      the decoys aren’t realllllll

 

u/amidalar-numero-uno

no hold up that’s not her. that’s leia organa, the organas’ adopted daughter.

      u/tradefederationhater

      damn can’t believe it’s been that long already. she looks so grown up.



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EMPIRE OFFERING BOUNTY HUNTER TRAINING

0 comments | 0 likes | 10k views

 

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DARTH VADER WORKING WITH BOUNTY HUNTERS??

33 comments | 50 likes | 7k views

I’m serious he’s hired a bunch of them.

 

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DARTH DEFINITION AND NAME ORIGIN

2 comments | 57 likes | 207 views

useful info for prospective hunters!

 

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BOBA FETT SICKEST BOUNTY CATCHES #74

3 comments | 87 likes | 909 views

 

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BOBA FETT SICKEST BOUNTY CATCHES #75

2 comments | 55 likes | 353 views

 

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BOBA FETT SICKEST BOUNTY CATCHES #76

2 comments | 57 likes | 485 views

 

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BOBA FETT BESTIES WITH DARTH VADER??

80 comments | 300 likes | 1k views

 

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MOVE ON FROM BOBA FETT

41 comments | 544 likes | 2k views

yeah i know i know people see jango in him or whatever. it’s like their icon has come back to life i knowwwww. but all of this boba fett hero-worship is really demoralizing to new, non-legacy/non-nepotism hunters. can we please ease up a little and let people find their footing in this forum?

 

u/lifeday3939

did you just call boba fett a fucking nepo baby

      u/shiniesss

      am i wrong.

          u/lifeday3939

          lowkey no

 

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POSSIBLE AMIDALA SIGHTING #3

4 comments | 42 likes | 180 views

not organa this time!! this one was on a diff planet too:

[photo.zeid]

 

u/nabooismyboo

DECOY

      u/laterhaters

      the decoys aren’t reallll

 

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POSSIBLE AMIDALA SIGHTING #6

3 comments | 14 likes | 146 views


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ALDERAAN BLEW UP???

1k comments | 10k likes | 30k views

i know we had some of our best hunters out over there trying to pull one on senator organa 😔 rip you guys. 

 

u/amipadi

HOLY FUCK SENATOR AMIDALA IS DEAD FR NOW

      u/unieri

      not another one of those alderaan amidala conspirators…

          u/sloth-from-ryloth

          also if you even believed that she faked her death and fled to alderaan wouldn’t it be the easiest thing for her to have hopped off a ship and hightailed it outta there before the planet went boom

              u/amipadi

              you’re right. theres no way she’s dead

 

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DEATH STAR BLEW UP???

1k comments | 10k likes | 30k views


why is everything blowing up. we didn’t have any hunters on there right??

 

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DEATH STAR #2 BLEW UP??

1k comments | 10k likes | 30k views

 

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CHANCELLOR LEIA IS THE BLOOD DAUGHTER OF SENATOR AMIDALA

3k comments | 20k likes | 100k views

 

turns out amidala really was dead for the past twenty years.. from a certain point of view.

BUT NOW HER KID’S THE RULER OF THE GALAXY???

damn she really is immortal isn’t she… from a certain point of view.

 

i still want to know which of you motherfuckers pulled it off twenty years ago.

 

...

 

u/yuhrse

uhhh… i don’t think it was one of us.

      u/ jestingjedi

      if the clones were going after the jedi it was probably one of them right?

          u/yuhrse

          yeah lowkey that makes sense. maybe she was with her bestie jedi at the time.

              u/jestingjedi

              oh man yeah maybe she was with skywalker, they were seen together a lot those last few days of the Republic

                 u/ayvalik

                       omg do you think skywalker's the dad

                       u/yuhrse

                       no??? jedi can't have kids?? did we forget, this was like their whole thing

                             u/tatoobaboon

                             what about luke skywalker

                                   u/wenverpirate

                                   ugh luke is related to the PODRACER skywalker not the JEDI skywalker fuck's sake keep up it's not hard

                                         u/tatoobaboon

                                          but he's a jedi??

                                              u/wenverpirate

                                              right and no two jedi can have the same last name ever ever right. fuck's sake. there were like ten thousand of them.

          u/bountiesforcounties

          that’s so sad :(

              u/yuhrse

              you literally hunt people down for a living??

                  u/bountiesforcounties

                  oh yeah. nvm.

 

u/yubnub

idgaf you guys. i don’t care what the bounty is. none of us better be fucking thinking of trying to go after leia organa.

 

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DONT TRY TO KILL LEIA ORGANA

3k comments | 20k likes | 100k views

guys. we’ve been over this before.