Chapter Text
Changbin stares at Seungmin, his face determined, not an ounce of any slight emotional change. He’s serious about his words. He’s serious about becoming astray. And he’s afraid of that thought—the thought of becoming something temporary.
The thought that eats inside Changbin’s own mind is that he’ll be just like Kim Seungmin.
He’ll be treated the same way Seungmin had been—something along the lines of the definitive stereotype. That he’ll have to start acting out on his own, because there’s no one else who’ll guide them.
Because Seungmin is afraid of confrontation. Because that’s how they’ve been grown to think. Because that’s what their role is supposed to be.
A Beta.
“Can I not convince you to stay, then?” Changbin’s words come out uneasy, nervousness wracking his entire body. He’s never had to be so careful conjuring words out of his own mouth.
“Would you not stay for me?” Changbin feels selfish, but at this point, it’s all cards on the table in convincing Seungmin to hear out the rest of the pack. Seungmin’s eyes soften from his words. There was always a special bond between him and Changbin, and it truly hurt him when Changbin spoke those words outloud.
Seungmin’s only pillar to truly lean on was Changbin. Because he knew the others didn’t have much time to take in his problems intently. Because they would brush it off the next day, forgetting Seungmin had ever conversed with them on a deeper level.
“...Why not just come with me?” Seungmin twisted his words—the harsher reality.
Changbin’s eyes widen, taken aback. “Why’re you saying these words so easily?”
Seungmin’s mouth twitches. “...If I left, you’ll go through the same thing I did.”
“Isn’t it better to admit what’s already come true?” His smile shows desperation hidden underneath.
“Bullshit.” Changbin spits out. “You’re acting all on your own again. Like, you don’t even care about what the others are even feeling right now.” He grunts harsher.
“Like, you’re just giving up. Just like that.” He sits up, a little emotional and upset at Seungmin’s dispassionate investment.
“I wasn’t the one who felt like giving up as well,” Seungmin stands with him, his heart aching when he looks eye level to Changbin, “...in my head, you all gave up on me.”
Changbin tries to find the anger he had moments ago, but he can’t. Not when Seungmin’s clearly having struggles inside. Not when Seungmin’s still stuck in the mental state that he’s never belonged. That they truly never showed how much effort he’s put in keeping the pack together. And it pains Changbin as someone who relies on validation as well.
As Beta’s who’s only constant question in their minds is ‘am I doing this right?’ ‘am I bothering?’ ‘am I a part of the pack?’
“How do you know it’s not what each member is thinking right now?” Changbin carefully speaks.
“How do you know, Seungmin? Are you afraid to actually talk with each of us?” Changbin enunciates, trying to feel vulnerable to let Seungmin speak his own words. Unfiltered, raw, all for the taking. Seungmin takes in a deep breath.
“I don’t know.” He says, shaking breathily.
“I don’t know. Because I can’t sense it.” His voice quivers.
“I can’t sense it. Your smells. I’m acting on all clues here.” He shakes his voice, feeling the tears swell up again.
“I want to show it so badly. To be a part of something only between us. To share that feeling of assurance, to not just be a Beta. To be myself around the people I love.” Seungmin gasps, catching his breath, the hardness lumping in his throat, tough to swallow. His tears have long let go.
Changbin’s eyes slant down, failing to deliver the comfort he’s entrusted to Seungmin.
“You made it look so easy. To fit into the mould. To act as you belonged, I envied that,” Seungmin sniffs, letting out a huff, “And because you moulded yourself into that role. I had to act like everything was alright.”
“That you knew what you were doing, for the sake of the pack. But inside, I didn’t know what else I could’ve offered anymore.” Seungmin wipes his tears, but more come out than what’s left to wipe.
“The pack found comfort in you, as much as you did in them. But me?” Seungmin points to himself, fingers shaking as Changbin stares at the way his body is swinging side to side.
“It felt temporary.” His mouth shuts.
Changbin shuffles forward, slippers gliding through the sand. He stands towards Seungmin, head slumped down, feeling unworth to even look at Changbin in the eyes.
Changbin places a hand on his chin, tilting his head up. Seungmin’s crying face should never be a thing that existed. It was wrong. It was breaking all laws. He should never have to feel sadness and desperation inside him.
“Min,” Changbin says his name, short and sweet. “I’m sorry.”
That’s all it took, and Seungmin lunged himself forward, head tucked in between Changbin’s strong and welcoming shoulders, lapping tears over his shirt. Changbin accepts it all, letting Seungmin finally find release in the arms of someone from his pack.
Something he’s been longing to do for ages. Something he could finally feel was seen and worthy of his attention. Changbin is finally here, ready to listen.
Seungmin’s sniffle reminds him of a kicked puppy. Of an owner who has mistreated their pet numerous times. But the owner genuinely didn’t know, because they’ve had to tend to others in need. Because they knew Seungmin would eventually carry his own weight to burden the less for others. But that weight cumulates overtime.
Until the puppy itself can’t walk on all four legs anymore.
“Will you listen to what I have to say?” Changbin starts softly, anticipating Seungmin’s motion. He waits, pausing and checking if Seungmin is still paying attention. He feels him nod, his hair ever so soft and delicate. Changbin smooths his hair out, hoping to provide comfort to what he thinks could be the last chance he has.
“You have to get rid of those thoughts you have about us,” He says, voice wavering, “Because they’re not us. We’re the group you stayed with.”
“We’re the ones you chose. And we chose you.” Changbin hums.
“Stop thinking. Think about the aftermath.” He looks at him, pulling him away from his grip. “Think what our pack would think.”
He grazes the back of his hand on Seungmin’s cheek, and the trail of tears feels so rough to the touch. “ ‘Where is Seungmin?’ ‘I miss Seungminnie.’ ‘I wish Seungmin could be here.’ “
Changbin tries to mimic the voices Seungmin has always wanted to hear. Seungmin’s mouth twitches at his words.
“Do you really want everyone to worry about you constantly if you left?” Changbin questions.
“Or do you wanna feel constant by staying, worried what others would think?” He finishes.
“It’s not always easy. Trying to fit into that dynamic.” He begins to ramble, Seungmin’s eyes and ears closely following his motions.
“We have our own unique personalities. I know you’re not the type to be open.” He stretches his hands on his shoulders, the touch feeling so warm and assuring.
“For me, it was a sense of security. I felt like I should be needed. That if there was something I could do to feel useful.” He shares his sentiment.
“So I acted upon it. Because that’s how I was sure of my role.” He glances at Seungmin, whose eyes have stopped leaking tears.
“And you… It was silent, but steady, and I think everyone could agree with that sentiment.” He fixes Seungmin’s hair, brushing the bangs covering his pearly eyes.
“They looked to you for their own assurance, because they’ve already accepted you as someone who will stay.” Changbin smiles softly, hoping his words are getting through to Seungmin.
“Then why did they never show it?” Seungmin’s voice breaks the tension.
Changbin thinks about it for a second before he comes up with the reasoning. “Because it’s you. They’re afraid to go further. That you might back out when things get too much.”
Seungmin takes the moment to analyze his reasoning. “Why?”
Changbin chuckles lightly. Inside, he finally got Seungmin to realize the main issue between their pack. “The same reason you keep putting voices in your own head about us.”
“We care for you, Seungmin. We want you to open up to us whenever you’re ready. We always joke about having you for ourselves, but those words truly have meaning.” Changbin mutters.
Seungmin takes another moment for himself. He’s registering all the words he’s taken account to. The signs were always obvious, if it weren’t for the delusional idea that he’s built that his Alphas would always scent him because he was easy.
That his Omegas were sticking to his side because he was safe, comfortable, and open.
That Seungmin was someone who was only a plushie that was free to be passed around.
He wasn’t. He was something more precious and delicate to be handled around freely. Seungmin was their reasoning to stay. Seungmin became something drastic in each of their lives.
When Minho’s words would affect him, constant reassurance reminded Seungmin of how he was the reason he continued to stay. That Minho would always be his first, even if it weren’t in terms of love. Even if he wasn’t his first choice, he was always a choice.
How Chan would feel safe and let his guard down whenever he talks with Seungmin. How Seungmin radiates the vibe of someone you can be yourself with for a while. To let your inner child out, to break free from the reality of the situation of leading seven other kids by yourself. To have the freedom to pass on the burden to someone who’s able to handle it all. Chan glorifies Seungmin in that sense.
How Hyunjin admires Seungmin’s passion for becoming a singer. His chanting of ‘my singer’ would always give him the feeling of butterflies, but he never admits it. Seungmin thinks Hyunjin would be the ideal contender under the spotlight. Still, Hyunjin would deny his words of praise, often encouraging Seungmin instead to be the one on the podium because he deserves it all. For letting Hyunjin grow into someone he aspires to be.
How Jisung would dote on him the most because he feels his emotional sensitivity is more attuned and aligned than the rest. When Jisung would confide in Seungmin for moments of vulnerability, and he would listen to it all because Jisung feels heard. Jisung sees Seungmin as the strongest person among all of them mentally.
How Felix could depend on Seungmin for anything, he could be lost in thought about. Felix was his best friend, and thinking of all the times he shared with him, he was truly radiant and shining. Seungmin adored the vibes they shared, the chillness and steadiness of it all. They would never have a fallout.
How Changbin thinks Seungmin always act cool and collected. To the point, he wonders if he’s ever had a bad day. To ever let everything out. He wishes Seungmin could have had a source of independence as well. And that he hopes, wishes, that it was him.
Seungmin settles down, another feeling rising inside him that feels unknown. Almost like the first time he’s felt this way.
Was it relief? The feeling of finally being called out?
Maybe, for the first time, Seungmin realized that being steady, being the one who is always there, was more than just about who noticed him. It was a quiet strength, a steady presence that kept the pack together, even if no one saw it.
Even if others sometimes didn't show it, his value was never lost just because they didn't notice. Seungmin mattered. Wanting attention didn't decide a Beta's worth, but the deep bonds he made every day, just by being himself, did.
He belonged. Seungmin truly belonged.
Changbin’s waiting on Seungmin, seeing his body language shift from uneasiness to something more willing.
“Can I kiss you?” Seungmin looks up, puppy eyes that convey pleading.
He’s taken aback by the sudden request, making sure he had just heard Seungmin correctly.
“S-Sorry, it’s just… I think I need to actually see something for myself.” Seungmin stammers, feeling how loud his heart is beating at the moment. Changbin perks up at his statement.
“And that is?” He crosses his arms.
Seungmin stays silent.
“I-I think… as you said, I need to be more obvious.” Seungmin shies away from his words, feeling the pit of embarrassment rising. Changbin finally gets the hint.
“Okay,” he straightens himself, arms behind his back, “I’ll wait.”
Seungmin observes as Changbin displays a soft smile, patiently waiting for him to make a move. He’s never had anyone wait for him before, and finally, feeling it build up inside him, he’s gotten to realize that they were always waiting.
He’s never done the initiation before, but he knows it’ll solidify his understanding of a pack setting. That everything came to him even if he never asked for it. That his members truly craved him, not because he was the Beta that could take it all, but because they saw Seungmin for himself.
They saw Kim Seungmin and not a Beta.
Seungmin trudged forward, slow, careful, but Changbin’s body didn’t hesitate. He’s letting himself present to Seungmin, not because they were both Betas, but because he had to have the confidence setting when they would confront the rest. He’s submitting, letting himself be open for Seungmin’s taking.
Seungmin’s hand rested on his shoulders, almost as if it belonged there. “Bin-hyung,” his voice still waivered a bit, unsure and timid with the way Changbin’s letting it all happen.
“It’s okay, Seungminnie. Take your time.” Changbin announces, smiling diligently.
“U-Uhh,” Seungmin clears his throat, not used to the feeling of someone being so obedient to him.
Seungmin finds an angle, awkward because of their height difference, so he has to bend his knees a bit. Changbin giggles at the serious attempt and determination planted on his face, when seconds ago, Seungmin was a crying, nervous mess.
Changbin feels how much breath Seungmin’s letting out, his lips mere inches away, but he’s going to wait. Because this is for Seungmin’s own validation. To please Seungmin’s own thoughts of feeling neglected and never reciprocated.
Seungmin leans in, closer and closer.
Their lips touch, and Changbin fights the urge not to lock his hands on Seungmin’s hips, fronting him to keep going, to take everything he’s ever wanted. To show Changbin how much Seungmin means by giving him everything.
Seungmin’s kissing style was definitely that of a beginner, but he notices Changbin giving him easier access, mouth opening, as he tries to slip in his tongue. Changbin makes a grunt noise at the brevity, but he lets him.
Seungmin tilts his head, finding deeper means to keep Changbin closer. He’s closed his arms around his wide shoulders, hanging on for dear life when Seungmin actually feels how good it was. How much longing he’s had to ache when all he could’ve done was ask.
Changbin thinks he could die. This was Seungmin’s moment, and he wasn’t going to break the trance of letting Seungmin get what he wants.
The kiss is still innocent, and Changbin wonders if it could get heated at any moment.
Seungmin lets go, breaking the connection, the slight way his lips jut out, and when Changbing instinctively leans in to chase his lips. He gets shy, looking away, and his heart has never been this loud before. Seungmin is racing the thoughts.
“Was that your way of letting me know?” Changbin chuckles deeply.
“S-Shut up.” Seungmin keeps his head turned, waiting for the moment to pass, as his heart is still beating loudly.
Changbin turns him around, his smirk planted clearly on his face. “Now, can I show you how much I’ve wanted you?”
Seungmin doesn’t get a moment's notice before Changbin’s strong hands envelop him behind his neck, tugging him down, his other clutching tightly on Seungmin’s shirt, as his kiss becomes something permanent. Something to remember for.
Seungmin’s eyes widen when Changbin does the same ministrations Seungmin timidly did. His kiss felt full, warm, like a truth to his lips. The truth was that, in turn, he truly loved Seungmin. And will continue to love him.
Changbin bites his lip, opting for Seungmin to give him access. To show him what he’s been missing.
Seungmin opens, pliant, obedient, finally giving in.
Changbin chuckles lowly in his throat when Seungmin’s whimper starts naturally coming out. He finds the way Seungmin scrunches his face whenever the kiss turns into something dirty so adorable.
He pulls off, before planting another soft kiss on his lips.
He sees Seungmin trying to catch his lips as well, something profound finally settling deep within.
Seungmin whines. “D-Don’t do that.”
“Seungmin, I think we’re past the point of ignorance.” Changbin ruffles his hair.
“Can this mean as well that you’re willing?” Changbin inclines.
“This was with you only. But the others.” Seungmin catches his words before he speaks. “They’re too… busy.”
Changbin sees the way his face contorts into something along the lines of jealousy and anguish. He knows what he’s implying, the deeper end of it. The fact that Seungmin knows they’re too drunk even to comprehend anything else. How Jisung and Felix are probably having to take care of the four Alphas.
It’s a sight Seungmin wishes he could be in. How he’s able to lure his Alphas on his own, not because he has the capability and resources to do so, but because he thinks he’s capable of it. Because they see him as someone worthy of becoming something special. Becoming their mate.
Becoming one with the pack.
“Then, did you wanna come back?” Changbin hesitates over the next few words he’s about to commit.
“Or… you and I could wait it out.” Changbin bites his lips, seeing if Seungmin’s getting his invitation. “And, uhm…”
Seungmin makes a puzzled expression, waiting for Changbin to finish his train of thought.
“Can I be the first to take you to bed?” Changbin feels small all of a sudden, within the fact that he even proposes the idea to Seungmin. He knows he’s being greedy right now, but with the emotional state Seungmin has had to go through, he’s probably not ready to settle things with a pack that’s not clearheaded at the time being.
So Changbin will distract him. Give him the sense of someone who’ll be there.
Give him a sense of belonging because Seungmin has missed so many opportunities.
And screw Changbin for being the first one to take Seungmin properly. Because he feels a sense of need? No. Because Seungmin was asking for it? Absolutely not, never.
Because Seungmin finally made himself clear. And Changbin is not missing this opportunity.
His expression is hesitant, seeing if Seungmin would be against the idea.
He looks to his ears, the painfully obvious red, and the way he has to scrunch his face when Seungmin hears of the idea.
Oh.
Oh.
They walk in silence; breaking the peace is unnecessary for the time being. The wind blows smoothly, as if the raging gust had already settled into something more harmonious. Changbin looks to Seungmin, head held up high, staring at the fading skyline, and his hair blowing with the wind. He’s never been more relieved that Seungmin has thought it through. To stay, to be with Changbin for now, even when he’ll knowingly have to confront the rest of the pack when everyone’s clear of their inhibitions.
Seungmin feels him stare; his small but noticeable smile seems more full of life. “What’re you thinking about now?”
“I could ask you that,” Changbin snaps back playfully, seeing how relaxed and more vulnerable Seungmin truly was. “Penny for puppy’s thoughts?”
Seungmin laughs lightly, missing the moment. It was always like this between him and Changbin—something along the lines of playful banter with a mix of flirting. Seungmin knows he’s full trying now. That he’s here, he’s with him.
“They said there was a designated place for Betas to hang out.” Seungmin lightly speaks.
“Yeah,” Changbin replies. “Did you wanna check it out?” His eyes glow towards him.
Seungmin looks away, avoiding eye contact. “You’ve been there?”
Changbin shakes his head. “Nah, but we could find our way there. Eventually.”
“Besides, we’ve got all the time. Just… you and me.” Changbin walks alongside, his arms brushing skin-to-skin with Seungmin’s. He jolts a bit at the contact, a little surprised yelp comes out along with it.
“I’m regretting this now.” Seungmin’s small blush appears, feigning Changbin’s continuous assault of skinship.
Changbin was about to make a joke, but faltered on the idea. He’s never had to feel so careful about Seungmin. But that’s probably what Seungmin opposes.
Seungmin is being blunt about his feelings of not being treated as a resource. To be someone who could stand alongside and understand everything. To not be left out in the dark.
“You can’t back out now. Because I will drag you back.” Changbin says in a serious tone.
“Whether that’s by force, or with my words. I’ll make sure every moment I have with you now,” Changbin turns Seungmin’s head again, the motion never failing to make Seungmin swoon like a teenage girl, “That even if it’s only the two of us. I’ll show you how much and many more you’re missing.”
Seungmin gulps, snapping his head back away. “Y-You’re saying stuff that doesn’t make sense.”
Changbin chuckles deeply, finally managing to slip through the cracks of his walls. “It doesn’t have to. You’re right.”
He slides an arm around his waist, something that felt clingy, warm, cynical, possessive, daring. “I am more of a hands-on person.”
Seungmin flees, his heart had never raced so fast that it outran his own thoughts. What kind of freak just possessed Changbin’s body? This wasn’t what he was used to. Where’s the constant annoying bickering? The nasal tone they used on each other to mock the other.
This Changbin was dangerous.
Changbin watches the puppy flail about, his reactions fueling something inside him even more. This Seungmin was alive, he was in the moment, and he is the moment. He walks towards the familiar path behind him, trailing centimetres apart to let Seungmin breathe.
Seungmin is inwardly thinking to himself. If this is what a level-headed Changbin was like, what kind of thoughts had his Alphas and Omegas had for him all this time? He bets it crosses the lines of a satirical romantic concept. That they all carnally craved Seungmin. And the urge to fight it all back, holding on, it bothers him.
Seungmin starts thinking about even more delusions. What if he never kept up his walls? The feeling of second-guessing. The feeling of letting himself go for the sake of his own satisfaction. The feeling of letting his own inhibitions free.
He was never the type to open up, but all the what-ifs scenarios are protruding in his mind like a hive. The sweet honey drippings are all stacking up in one place.
What if Seungmin let them? Let them take him.
He slaps himself.
Changbin makes a worried noise of concern. “What was that?”
“Nothing. Mosquitoes.” Seungmin rubs his cheek, trying to calm down the redness that somehow keeps getting even more velvet. He spots one staff member walking up to him in long strides.
“Excuse me, do you have a guide or map for where we could locate the designated Beta spot?” Seungmin asks politely, looking up with his signature puppy eyes.
The staff member tells them there’ll be signs if they keep going forward on the same path. He smiles and bows politely as he keeps moving toward the path. Changbin watches Seungmin afar for now, until he makes himself known to need him.
Seungmin notices this after a few more minutes of walking all by himself, looking back to see if Changbin was trailing behind. “Could you hurry up?”
Changbin smiles. “Just wanted to wait and see if you would notice.”
“I did. Just…” Seungmin mutters the next part. “Walk next to me.”
Changbin lets out a hearty noise, almost intrigued at the infatuation. Seungmin finally declares what he’s thinking, and it’s so easy to get what he wants. He pulls up next to him, close but not the same teasing behaviour. “Better?”
Seungmin nods. Small but content.
It’s a back-and-forth sequence. They bicker, they argue, they playfight, and now it’s back to comfortable stillness. Changbin will let Seungmin initiate. Will let him take the need for anything he requests. Because it should’ve been this way.
“Do… do you think they would…” Seungmin looks around, unsure of his next few words.
“They would what?” Changbin follows-up.
“They’d… call or message.” Seungmin looks hopeful, and at the same time, looks burdened by the feeling.
“Is that what you’re expecting from the pack?” Changbin guides his message to a deeper meaning. “Do you wish they would do it first?”
Seungmin hesitates. “I mean… I’m the one who left just like that.”
Changbin shakes his head. “And you had every right to. Stop turning everything against yourself. We just talked about this, Seungmin-ah.”
“I know. It’s just… maybe if I could sense at least anything from our pack bites…” Seungmin wonders.
“Like, how much it really affected them.” He mutters.
Changbin understands from his point of view. His own pack bite was very much neutral, almost stagnant, and seeing how emotionally perspective Seungmin took on the outlook for his own pack, when he’s the one who’s had to suffer. It was like guilt slowly building up, but Changbin had to reassure him.
“It’d be stupid if they just brushed it off.” Changbin snarls.
“It’s not easy.” Changbin comments. “To have to put your feelings out for people to realize something’s been wrong since the very beginning.”
Changbin turns to him, eyes steady and serious. “And I’m not saying I wasn’t part of the problem as well…” He mentions afterwards. Seungmin’s eyes are looking for the weakness inside Changbin’s words.
“...I could be part to blame as well.” Seungmin instigates, but Changbin goes against his claim.
“You’re not,” He claims, “Because we should’ve known. We should’ve already gotten the hint. That you always felt left out. Singled out. That’s not a pack. That’s not how packs work. We shouldn’t have to confront you if you ever feel insecure. That’s…”
“That’s giving a false sense of security.” He shuts up, mouth formed into a thin line, as Seungmin gapes a bit from the perspective. It wasn’t like Changbin had been speaking for the whole pack, but he got it. This was the true outcome of how they’ve been treating him, and Seungmin could see how his body language got more timid when the topic came up again.
Changbin waits for Seungmin to give his take, seeing his mind run a mile-a-minute, grasping the situation. Seungmin opens his mouth but closes it, still thinking of what to say. Changbin’s never been this condescending to himself, usually. But to openly admit his own negligence and the need always to be considered, Seungmin just thinks, he’s really just like him. The polar opposite, but the end goal has always been the same.
To always belong.
To always be wanted.
To be seen as a choice.
“I could never hate you, nor the pack.” Seungmin settles with that.
“At least, you're owning up to the mistake. And that you’re acting upon it now.” Seungmin looks forward, his heart aching a bit from the tension.
“And… that you’re here. I could tell myself that. At least someone did choose me.” Seungmin shows a solemn smile, not the feeling of joy, but somewhere in between the lines of bittersweetness. “At least it’s you.”
Changbin feels like he let himself down at Seungmin’s words. The acceptance that the only thing they shared in common was the feeling of accepting one another. Because they knew they were the only ones right now who could truly express that connection. The feeling of immeasurable disappointment, but also because they felt the need for it.
Seungmin keeps walking, the scenery around them changing as dusk finally settles, the automatic burning torches lighting up the stone path. They keep a distance, but still choose to accept one another. Changbin admires Seungmin’s figure so much.
For a Beta, he truly had that stereotypical look. Someone whose shoulders looked so big that everyone could lean on him, and that term could also be applied to Changbin as well. But, unlike him, Seungmin didn’t opt for training them. Didn’t think of the outcome when he had to keep lending his openness, as the idea of never letting himself let go of those weights that the others kept stacking up on him.
That Seungmin could bear it all. And that Changbin shouldn’t have to go through that.
Seungmin notices the area ahead, full of lit torches; it seemed like they were finally at the spot. He spots a few staff members up ahead, already waving their hands, as if they were expecting a shift with the pack’s mood. “Welcome, Seungmin-ssi, and Changbin-ssi.”
“Hello. Is this the…?” Seungmin tilts his head.
“Yes. This is the Beta hangout spot. We’ve already been informed of your expectant arrival.” One of the staff members bows, politely giving them a gift basket which included some dubious and concerning things.
Seungmin inspects it as Changbin is standing beside him. “What’re these for?”
“Specialized products that help maintain the area.” A female staff member comes up to them.
“These are scent blockers, a fresh set of new clothes that masks any underlying tones of Alphas or Omegas that may have rubbed off on you guys.” She’s quickly going through the package, both Betas somehow finding the scene a little disregarding of what emotional turmoil they have just gone through.
“Shampoo and soap are scentless and help with erasing and masking your body’s smell. There are humidifiers set up in a tent that you two will be residing in. Please feel free to use our exclusive one that helps reinvigorate the feeling of being in a pack while you’re away from yours.” She’s smiling ever so cheerfully, like it wasn’t a literal smack to the face for Seungmin and Changbin.
“We understand that your stay may have been compromised due to the severity of your pack’s situation, and we truly understand.” One of the men staff, grunge voice, heavy figure, comes up.
“However, in this haven, you can be yourselves freely. Stay for as long as you want. It’s a judgment-free zone. If you wish to come back to your pack, you also have that freedom of choice. This safe space is for the Betas who don’t have anywhere else to turn.” He says it like he’s experiencing the same pandemic they’ve been denying to face.
“As Beta staff, you are our first choice. And we know what it’s like to be an option.” Seungmin staggers at how close it hits home to him.
And yet, the feeling of something uneasy is there. This… was supposed to be where they could truly be themselves. To be a Beta, to be in a space where everyone got along with each other, the purity and essence of living normally. No labels, no instincts, no lingering scents. A pure living human.
This was their moment of freedom—a place where the outside world is unknown to them.
So why does he feel sad?
So why does it feel… like something’s missing?
The pensive feeling. Changbin knows it himself as well, the utter hesitation in his own body language evident. They… were supposed to belong here?
This was… their place?
Seungmin thinks he wants to vomit—the feeling of bile slowly creeping up.
Changbin’s already patting him on the back, soothing, hoping to relieve the same sensation he’s getting from this place alone. All the staff members are just idling about, waiting, waiting for their very movement as if they were the only ones who were here.
As if they only cared about Seungmin and Changbin. Because they were Betas too.
Because they gave the ‘feeling’ of comfort, open-hearted vibes, and the ‘feeling’ of truly being a proud Beta.
But, no.
This wasn’t validation. This wasn’t what Seungmin had always dreamed about when he became someone who was used to being leaned on. This wasn’t his imagery of the place—a place of something so void of feelings that the definition gets lost in his mind.
This was the unsettling reality they had to keep reliving, the reality that always comes back to hit them.
Beta’s didn’t matter.
Beta’s never mattered.
Beta’s are not people.
They’re only there to be of assistance to their pack.
“I think we should go.” Changbin’s voice breaks Seungmin’s irrevocable thoughts.
“Oh?” The female staff member tilts her head, acting like she’s not aware of their situation.
“Where will you go? Back to your pack?” One of the men says, his smile giving the creeps to Seungmin.
Changbin holds him steady, hands interlocked. “We just realized this place isn’t fit for us.”
The staff suddenly erupts into a fit, most of them cackling and cracking at the words. Changbin looks puzzled. What did he even say that was so funny?
“Oh my—you guys truly are a pair.” The voices are starting to blend into one in Seungmin’s mind, like the feeling of cotton being stuffed in his ears. “You think you guys have anywhere else to go?”
“We have a pack. Our pack-”
“What? The very pack you guys decided to leave? The pack that’s already fucking all of their ruts and heats out? Without you guys? The pack that didn’t even bother to hold you guys back?” The voices are swarming, multiple signs of disorder and dissonance ringing inside Seungmin.
This was the calling. The true calling.
The truth that he’s always been afraid to admit.
“Don’t be offended, Seungmin-ssi, Changbin-ssi. From what our staff has gathered, you two don’t seem to mind not being involved in serious pack affairs.” The men have started mocking them, degrading their values as a whole, and it’s almost back to square one.
Almost back to Seungmin, believing he’s never gonna be anything more useful than someone who gets to be played around until they get bored with him. Until there’s no more value to him.
“That’s not your place to talk about.” Changbin’s voice is angry, coming out offended, strong, and protecting. “That’s— you guys don’t even have anyone to go to.”
“And we’re being truthful in that aspect. Because, at the very end of the day, you have to face it,” The female stuff is begrudging, eyes staring like a threat. “A Beta is just a Beta. Someone whose problems don’t matter.”
Seungmin hurls, running back to where he came from, as Changbin’s panic settles in, forgoing the conversation with the condescending staff any longer. Fuck.
Fuck. He should’ve known better that this place’s whole intention was never about being a self-healing trip for packs. But it’s always been the reality of today’s world.
Nothing is ever done outright for the Betas.
There’s always the underlying reason.
He spots Seungmin hurling over a shrub, the sound of gagging and his wails have him reeling over. Changbin slowly approaches, rubbing him, soothing him, patting him, anything to get Seungmin rid of the thoughts he’s had to work so hard to forget. To forget the narrative of being a Beta meant absolute leverage.
“Seung…” He steadies.
Seungmin hurls even more, the bile never-ending as he’s trying to catch his breath. Changbin’s already trying to think of anywhere they could possible stay, as they couldn’t keep walking idly.
When Seungmin finishes the last of his spiralling, he’s lurching back up slowly, the feeling of burning inside his throat, looking up at Changbin. He wipes his lips, trying to get rid of the sickening thoughts.
“I-I need to leave.” Seungmin’s already trying to make another run for it again, but Changbin catches him. He’s making sure he’ll catch him before it’s too late.
“Don’t. Please.” It’s a quiet request. Seungmin’s wrist gripped with the feeling of ache and longing, Changbin’s strong grip slowly losing its strength, because internally, he’s affected by it as well. Affected to the point it might break him down, along with Seungmin.
Seungmin’s own eyes sharpen, gazing at Changbin, whose face is fighting the urge to break down.
“You’re on the edge as well. I don’t think you’ve realized what this place has been doing to us all this time.” Seungmin’s the one who’s struggling here, and yet, Changbin himself feels like he’s hanging on the cliff’s edge instead.
“I know. I know.” He hushes, can’t even stand to face Seungmin as he looks down, head hung low. “But, please. This… that’s not them.”
“That’s… not our pack. Remind yourself. Seungmin.” Changbin’s voice is shaking. He’s pleading. He’s straining at his vocal cords. Seungmin’s expression hardened. The grip on his wrist is slowly losing its motivation to hang on.
To hold on tight, that is Seungmin. That is Seungmin, who’s the cliff that is pushing him off the edge.
Seungmin is cracking under his hold.
That… Seungmin was done.
He’s done.
He’s done with it all.
“I know… it’s not but…” He looks away, pulling his hands away from Changbin’s grip.
The release felt like it slowed down in time, Changbin’s eyes looking up, dripping with tears now. It felt like… the beginning of the end.
“I’m just a Beta. A Beta’s problems who’ll never matter.”
Changbin fails to catch him.
He fails.
He failed.
He failed Seungmin. And his pack.
He…
His phone vibrates. Right, he had his phone with him the entire time.
Changbin stares at where Seungmin was, but…
Seungmin’s already long gone.
He wipes his tears; the strength inside is lost to even go after Seungmin, and the sentimental moment they shared has lost all of its value. Changbin grips his phone, shaking from the aftermath, seeing who would even bother to call.
Chan-hyung
It’s laughable. Really. The timing. Impeccable.
Now?
Only now did he bother to call?
Only now, that he’s lost Seungmin, did he ever bother… to call.
Changbin watches the screen, the way his name used to give him some comfort and now… Now.
He doesn’t answer. It goes through.
But it pops up again.
Chan-hyung
It’s like he’s mocking him. He’s not even there, but it’s like a stab to the heart, no open wounds. It’s ironic. It’s palpable. It’s disgusting. Changbin’s heart is shattered.
And… yet it’s like he’s doing it because he is still their pack Alpha.
Because Changbin thinks Chan has to be the one to step forward. To be the one who initiates anything, ever. And slowly does he realize, it’s because Chan will always care. Will always look out, will always be a reliable and sensible leader.
And Changbin doesn’t wanna answer.
He doesn’t wanna answer, to the point where if he hears Chan’s lust-stricken voice waver with worry, contempt, and guilt, he’ll actually break down. That he’ll break it down to him that he lost him.
He lost Seungmin. And now he’s carrying the guilt. Seungmin just passed it on.
Because he was a Beta.
Chan is making a puzzled expression. He’s trying hard to fight off his inhibitions, letting himself roam in the lobby area, as his futile attempts at contacting both Betas fail. His heads pounding, and the voices inside his ears are ringing, to come back inside his room. To claim his lovely Omega pride, to let himself be relieved of this ache. But he can’t. Not when his pack is incomplete.
Not when he’s had to bruise himself to the thought of Seungmin’s face, planted with tears, his expression demeanour, his eyes lidded, his mouth gaped, and his whole will to live as a pack member broken in front of his own face.
Chan should’ve done something. Should’ve acted. Should’ve done his duty as the pack Alpha. He was supposed to be their protector. To always make sure everyone was included. To always make sure no one felt left out. And he couldn’t even do that.
He couldn’t because he found it in himself to indulge in Seungmin more than to show concern, more than to make it known that Chan is also there for him. That he acts clingy to him because of how emotionally matured Seungmin was more than him.
Seungmin was the only one he could truly lean on.
Chan feels the air around him get sweeter, and he tenses. Nose almost wincing from the amount of sweet slick that the Omega behind him approaches. Chan is trying hard not to succumb, but with dainty fingers wrapping around his frame, the warmth of breath pressed into his neck, he leans in, letting instinct take him over.
“Come back to the room, Channie.” Felix’s voice is that of a siren, lulling him to let his mind take over, and Chan doesn’t have it in himself to even demand the Omega to go back to Hyunjin.
Because he wants Felix.
It’s his nature to claim, and to scent, and to rut, and to spend time with the Omega. It’s written in the whole damn psychology book of Omegas/Alphas/Betas.
But he’s thinking of him.
He’s only thinking of Seungmin. He’s worried. He’s concerned. Because for the first time in his life, he can’t feel him.
The pack bite.
It feels like it’s still there. But… It’s fading.
It’s fading, slowly, like a threat, like Chan is being held at gunpoint.
“Go back to Hyunjin, Lix,” Chan stresses, his Alpha voice coming out with the way his eyes are frantically switching from the onyx colour to a faded lavender colour.
“Hyunnie was concerned. I was, too.” Felix murmurs, his scent spiking even more as Chan reciprocates with his own musk. They’re both enamoured with each other, and Chan has restrain. To keep it to himself.
“I-I’ll be right with you. Hyunjin is probably missing you.” Chan pinches his forehead, concentrating on a more serious matter at hand.
Felix backs off a bit, and his face contorts. “Is it about Seungmin?”
Chan stays quiet at the name mentioned.
“He’ll be alright. He’s always alright.” Felix spoke his words before his mind could catch up to the thought.
Chan wanted to lash out then and there at the essence of one of their own pack members, completely missing the whole fiasco that Seungmin pulled. But he’s holding himself. He’s trying, even when Felix’s scent is completely indulging him to join him.
This is all for Seungmin. To make it clear.
To settle the misunderstandings.
“I-I know. I know, just… I’ll join you guys soon. Go back, please, Omega.” Chan bites the inside of his mouth, feigning the ignorance and blissful lie he went through.
“But… it feels better when I have the two of you.” Felix has gone too deep in his heat space. The Omega inside him was practically purring, waiting for a moment to pounce on Chan. He growls lowly, to not intimidate the Omega, but as a warning.
“Lix… go back.” Chan has to use his Alpha voice for him to finally back down, as he hears him sigh, already imagining the little pout on his lips. Oh, how he wished to kiss it full and bruise it till it’s red.
Felix understands and doesn’t relent. Chan is glad that the Omega’s scent surely does fade slowly, but the room has already been intoxicated by it. His wolf is howling inside to claim something, the bulge in his pants clearly evident.
He needs to get out of here. Clear his thoughts, while the ache in his mind never falters.
Chan downs some inhibitors, his last resort, the pill's dosage and effects are immediate. He needs to find Seungmin before then. And Changbin, who’s refused to answer him.
He needs to reconcile his pack. To restore what broke on the inside.
Chan puts on a light jacket, zipping it up. He passes by some staff members, who are all encouraging him to stay inside the rooms, but he’s blocking out their noises. Head held steady, he has to make things right. He’ll keep calling Changbin, but the line hangs.
No matter what, while he still has a little bit of sanity left, he’ll find Seungmin.
He’ll smell. He’ll keep smelling until he can finally sense him.
Until he smells Seungmin’s own nostalgic vanilla scent. So dull, longing for the need to amplify. Until Chan has him in his embrace. Until the deepest and sincerest vows of words can be strung along inside Seungmin’s head.
Chan is walking, each step heavier than the last, and he’s hurried. Expression darkened, his face is even scarier under the moonlight’s gaze. He shouldn’t be out and about on a dangerous occasion during the night of his rut. But he thinks no one’s really gonna distract him.
Everyone here was a Beta. Nonetheless, no one would attempt even to challenge a dominant Alpha like him. Chan flickers through the stone path; he’s only noticed a handful of actual Beta staff members now. He thinks they must’ve all gone to rest, seeing the lone path only lighted up by the torches.
He spots a familiar scent, somehow being able to even catch it in the middle of the night and with his condition as well. Chan scours, looking for the source. It… stinks. It’s not something that surely belonged to one of their Betas. But he’s still making sure.
The scent is getting stronger, pungent, as he’s scrunching his nose at the stench. Chan takes his phone out, lighting up the flashlight. He sees it then. Vomit.
That’s… someone’s vomit.
Chan wants to rebuke, to refrain from having to continue the search and call it. That he’ll never truly get the chance to reconcile with Seungmin. But he’s catching another underlying scent, and he notices Changbin’s still stagnant body wash. Chan knows he’s here.
He’s still here, somewhere. Close.
He’s frantically looking around, eyes wandering as if he’s scanning for lifeforms like Predator.
Chan scours, head turning all around. Changbin’s near; he can smell him.
He uses his phone to call, and from afar, he hears it ring.
Chan runs and rushes to the location. Changbin had been near the Beta spot all this time, and it only took him a while to reason why there were so many staff near the area. He’s panting, but relentless; there’s still time. The night hasn’t ended yet.
Seungmin could still be here. Be with Changbin. Maybe Changbin convinced him. Helped him realize that it wasn’t them. That wasn’t what they wanted Seungmin to think of. That their pack had given up on him so easily. Chan won’t let it slide. Chan’s never going to let himself live another day.
He spots him.
Changbin’s sitting on a bench, hunched over.
The phone in his lap is still vibrating, letting the call hang, again.
Chan notices it all, the signs of rut coming up as he’s stomping furiously towards him.
“Changbin.” His Alpha voice commands the Beta to look up.
Changbin remained motionless, hands clasped together like he was praying.
“Changbin.” Chan made himself clear and present, standing in front, his shadow casting over Changbin’s big, burly frame.
“Speak to Alpha.” Chan’s popping a vein at Changbin’s ignorant attitude. His face never moved even an inch.
“I demand you look at me,” Chan growls—a threat.
And for the first time in knowing Changbi, the second time that day, he’s never seen someone look so small, for being all shoulders and muscle. Changbin’s eyes are definitely dried with tears, and the smell of it is finally hitting him. His mouth is formed in a lifeless thin line, like he bit his lips too much, and it stopped moving a muscle.
“Changbin,” Chan’s losing patience, voice hoarser than ever before, his expression forming creases at every lasting moment,
“Where’s Seungmin.”
It’s not a question. It’s a statement. Why isn’t Seungmin with him? Why is Changbin here, sitting, almost as if he seemed to be repenting? Changbin’s eyes finally moved, looking towards his Alpha. The one he could trust to be their guiding light. The one whom he entrusted their whole faith in keeping everyone together.
Chan’s face disgusted him. It disgusted him. He’s clearly taken last-second inhibitors, due to the irrational way he’s even acting in the severity of the situation.
“Where were you.” Changbin bites back, voice lacking the will to fight.
“Speak to me properly.” Chan’s dominant side is taking over, eyes flickering between the same onyx eyes to lavender. “Answer when I ask you.”
“No,” Changbin replies quickly, feeling Chan lift him with effortless strength, his hands aggressively crumpling his shirt. Changbin thinks about how laughable this situation is inside his head. Why is Chan here now, of all things?
Why? When it is not even clear to begin with. Was he hoping for small momentary fixes? Was Chan ever thinking straight to begin with?
“I’m saying while I still have reason, Changbin,” Chan snarls, almost like he wants to spit on Changbin’s face.
“Where. Is. Seungmin.”
Changbin looks away from him—enough with the bullshit.
“He left.”
Chan slams him back down on the bench, the wood creaking under the massive weight. Changbin hurls in pain but manages himself, steeling his look when Chan starts releasing pheromones out in the wind. The scent of a dominant Alpha especially lingered when it’s agitated or pushed to the point of holding it all in. Chan might’ve just let the whole island know that he was out and about, roaming around in a sacred spot of the island.
“Find him.” Chan’s voice was restless.
“Find him. Bring him back.” He demands, deep with menacing authority.
Changbin’s own anger rises back up within him, hurling Chan towards the ground as they’re both growling in an attempt to show who’s the more dominant. Changbin being a Beta was the only definite upside in this situation, unaffected and not even feeling anything from Chan’s raging scent.
“What kind of audacity do you have to say about the matter?” Changbin grips him by the shirt, as the two tumble and rumble around the dirt.
And that made Chan snap. The words were hurting his pride as an Alpha—the pride of his pack.
Chan couldn’t control himself.
His fists came out of nowhere, as it hits Changbin straight in the face.
Red stained the edge of his lips.
Changbin is shocked; the pain is immediate and numbs his reaction. His eyes sharpened. Chan finally gained the realization of what he had just done.
It’s not instinct. It wasn’t. That was Chan himself, doing that. That wasn’t the rut or anything talking… that was…
His leader did not… just do that.
His own trustworthy, caring, responsible leader.
His fucking pack Alpha. The Alpha that was supposed to look out for his own pack.
Chan’s eyes widened comically, shaking, “C-Changbin. I-I’m-”
Changbin retaliates. His own punch hits just as hard. He’s deflecting, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. Everything is gone. His everything. His Seungmin. Seungmin left them all, and it was his own decision.
Chan took it. And it felt like he deserved it.
“You don’t deserve to see him.” Changbin spits, the small glint of red sitting at the edge of his lips from the quarrel.
“At this point… no one does.” Changbin loses the feeling of anger within seconds, admitting the lost of a pack bite. Chan squirms; his senses are becoming more heightened when he realizes what’s happening. They’re fading.
Changbin’s pack bite is… disappearing.
Chan feels the link pulling against him, his heart and mind cleared from the effects of the rut. It’s not like Changbin himself could feel it, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t.
He couldn’t experience the agonizing pain that is ripping Chan apart when his own pack mate, his own best friend of years, and the one he’s always looked up to be the most sensible and emotionally strong, severed the link.
The link that was supposed to symbolize connection, togetherness, a found family.
Gone.
In one single consequence of acting upon themselves.
Changbin gets up from straddling Chan, his eyes mortal, his pack bite no longer radiating any signal.
Changbin has accepted himself that he’s no longer part of the pack.
His pack. His beloved members.
The very members Chan picked himself to stay throughout their lifetime, to share memories, to grow old together, and always to be together.
Chan gets up after him, eyes shaking, head aching, whole body vibrating. “C-Changbin. W-wait, no, nonono, no.”
Chan’s voice has never waivered before, having always to give a strong front to show how respectable he should be, how his presence alone should give a warning to the other packs outside the members of his protective essence.
And to see it all crumble in front of Changbin’s face was pathetic.
A desperate attempt.
“Changbin, Bin. Let’s talk it out, please.” Chan’s grip is weaker on his wrist, almost like a soft tissue paper trying to hold him from leaving, “I-I can’t lose you as well! We’ll bring Seungmin back! Please!”
“I tried to bring him back.” Changbin’s voice shuts him quiet, dark, gravelly, losing the motivation to continue living like this.
“I was the only one who tried.” His head hung low.
“A-And I know. I know now!” Chan wails, his voice cracking under the pressure of making Changbin understand that he’s finally seeing it.
Chan hears him chuckle deeply—a cackle. “ ‘Now?’ “
Changbin malices. “It shouldn’t have taken so long for you to come out of your lust-filled minds. Of course, you’re gonna blame it on the rut. But that’s not like you, Chan.”
“And I’m part to blame. I should’ve noticed.” Changbin admitted. “But, I at least tried.”
He’s whispering the next line, like shards of glass blowing against Chan’s skin. “And you… Where were you?”
Chan’s breath shakes. He can’t even say anything. The words stuck on the tip of his tongue. He has no more explanation to give Changin. His only willpower is telling him never to let Changbin go, even if he himself has accepted that he’s no longer part of a pack because he’s made it true to his own thoughts that he and Seungmin were never a part.
“I… I was-”
“You weren’t here,” Changbin says the words for him.
“You could’ve run out that day earlier, go after Seungmin.” Changbin reiterates the painful memories.
“But what did you do?” Changbin’s impatience runs thin. “You held Felix.”
“You held him like he only mattered right at that moment because you only thought of yourself.” Changbin gives it to him deadstraight. “Because you didn’t bother to think… why isn’t anyone running after Seungmin?”
Chan shuts down.
His scent is staggering, souring, the aftereffects of someone he was supposed to have control over, had finally gone over his head. Changbin wasn’t under him anymore. Changbin was… someone else.
Changbin wasn’t in his pack anymore.
The wind carries his scent with him.
It alerts his pack.
Not Changbin. But his pack.
His… packmates. With the pack bites.
Not Changbin.
Minho’s the first to notice, suddenly stopping his ministrations at fingering Jisung open. The Omega whines from the stimulation stopping, as Jeongiin offers him kisses to shut up his whining. Minho’s already standing, head hazy and still dysfunctional, but his mark is burning.
It’s burning his neck, and it’s stinging and distracting him from being focused on pleasuring himself to Jisung’s sweet sounds.
“Chan. Chan’s calling us.” His golden eyes look towards the two, Jeongin breaking the kiss as saliva strings along when they pull apart.
“My bite.” Minho grazes it, feeling how hot it’s getting. Chan must be in danger, or he’s in immense pain. Emotional, physical. There’s no telling where the hell he even went. All he knows is that it’s distracting him from trying to consummate his rut.
“Chan-hyung?” Jeongin laps up at Jisung’s cheeks, kisses him one last time.
Jisung then feels it as well, and Jeongin jumps a bit when they start to feel the initial burn. The burn that is signalling them to find Chan and help out their pack's Alpha.
“I thought Chan was already getting busy with Lix and Hyunjin.” Jisung sits up, covering himself back up with the clothes filled with his Alpha's pheromones.
“Seems like he didn’t. I’ll go first,” Minho puts on a shirt, his golden eyes are still fully intact, as he finds something appropriate to wear.
“Let the other two know as well, if they haven’t already started fucking their brains out.” He stares back as Jisung and Jeongin nod at his command, the Alpha voice making Jisung quiver a bit, both from arousal and fear.
“Just follow my scent trail, Innie. I’m going first.” Minho looks to the other Alpha, who’s sense have cleared up as well.
It’s weird. Minho thinks as he’s out of the door.
There shouldn’t ever be a time, place or circumstance when Chan should have to be signalling for his packmates to gather at his will. Minho think’s something fishy has been going on during their stay. He suspects nothing less than that they all had to leave Seungmin by himself.
And that Minho didn’t even once try to look back at their mistake.
It was the biggest mistake in their lives to ignore him and his pleas for affirmation. That he still belonged in the pack. And Minho wanted to gut himself alive when he just walked away like it didn’t mean anything to him.
But he was a coward—the biggest of them all.
To turn himself around and go after him. To hold onto Seungmin’s hand.
He didn’t wanna openly admit to everything his own thoughts had been conjuring inside his head. He complied with his inner wolf, following every urge it was telling Minho so that he was satisfied. Satisfied and satitated of his own mental being. Because he kept choosing himself. Because he was afraid to choose Seungmin.
To choose Seungmin, who had always chosen him first.
Seungmin, whom he had clung to like a lifetime.
Seungmin, whose desperate pleas are ringing inside his mind now that the effects of his rut are consequently pushed back because of Chan’s calling.
Minho’s smelling the air, the scent of a dominant Alpha ever so clear when the wind is gusting. Chan’s scent is souring and turning worse the longer he’s idling.
He beelines in a certain direction, the pathways are barely visible, and Minho never realized just how truly big the resort was. The air is getting more pungent. Minho’s pack bite is flaring at this point. He keeps trying to comfort, reasoning that Chan’s scent is very much still active.
Minho sees two figures at a distance, leaping into action before acting on his own thoughts.
“Chan!” Minho growls at the other unknown figure, and Minho stops himself when he realizes who it was. Changbin.
Changbin. Right.
He… had gone for Seungmin.
And Seungmin was nowhere.
Seungmin wasn’t here—just Chan and Changbin.
And Chan is crying.
Chan’s… crying?
Minho rarely sees him cry. He only cries when everything is getting too hard to handle. He only cried whenever they finally proved something to the world. That their awards were all chosen by their fans, their STAYs, their unconditional love.
Minho is flabbergasted at the situation before him.
And Changbin is devoid of any expression. Like… like he’s not feeling anything.
“What’s going on?” His voice penetrates the tension, eyes still glowing golden.
Changbin looks at him, the way his body turns towards Minho, bearing his neck for the moonlight to catch a glimpse of his… his mark?
Where is his mark?
“Bin. Where’s…” Minho’s words die down. The unsettling realization is hitting him.
Changbin’s pack bite is gone.
His neck is clean.
Nothing.
Not a single trace of the carving.
“I guess you called for back up.” Changbin doesn’t even look towards Chan; his eyes settle towards Minho’s own.
“Hey, Bin, what the fuck is happening?” Minho growls naturally, almost forgetting that Changbin was his pack member.
Was.
“Where’s Seungmin?” The name slip almost feels foreign to mention, Minho’s racking his brain at what could’ve even happened—Changbin’s immediate reaction to the mention of Seungmin setting off his dangerous instincts.
“It’s funny.” Changbin starts.
“So now you’re all coming here.”
“Bin, don’t fucking play with me now.” Minho’s deep guttural growls are coming out even more threatening, almost like he’s already accepted that Changbin isn’t a part of their pack anymore, like he let him go so easily.
Like how he did to Seungmin.
“No, stop, Minho,” Chan gets through between them, trying to stand strong.
“W-We can talk it out.” Chan sniffs.
“What is there to talk about anymore?” Changbin spits back.
“Chan. Changbin doesn’t have the bite anymore.” Minho’s observant eyes still not breaking from the clean slate of skin.
“I know.” His voice desperately calls out.
“I know.” His head hung low, almost trying to hang on to Changbin.
“I-It’s all my fucking fault.” Chan howls in defeat.
“I-I didn’t do my duty. As a leader. As a friend. As… as…” Chan’s sob returns.
“W-What’re you saying, Chan?” Minho’s golden eyes start to fade, the situation turning into something severe.
“I-I don't get it. What…?”
Changbin breaks it down for him. Simple, short, to the point. “I’m no longer part of the pack.”
Changbin breathes in. “Or I should say. I accepted that I didn’t belong.” He breathes out.
“Bullshit. You’ve always belonged.” Minho fights back, grabbing Changbin by his wrist.
“You didn’t belong? You’ve always been there, for us. For our pack!” His growls have become more toned down, fighting the urge to pose as a threat to Changbin.
“How- how can you even say that?” Minho’s eyes softened.
Chan could then feel multiple scents coming near them, his eyes had tears dried long from the aching in his heart and mind. They all listened to his cries of help. He can smell them, feel them… but Seungmin wasn’t one of them.
He tries to call for Seungmin’s pack bite.
No point. Because Seungmin didn’t feel anything.
Because Seungmin… wasn’t with them.
“What the hell is going on?!” Hyunjin’s the first to approach, beads of sweat and the stench of sex captivating his every piece of clothing.
“Chan was in distress. I felt it while in bed.” Felix approached, humming softly.
And Changbin gazes between every single one of them. God, they looked disgusting.
They had that glow of a mid-sex marathon. They were all preoccupied; if it hadn’t been for Chan’s stupid decision-making to go after both Betas. Too late than never.
“Bin,” Jisung’s voice was dosed with sweetness, like he’s trying to fucking seduce him of all times, “Why were you out here?”
“I thought you’d been at the lobby this whole time.” Jeongin makes the wrong observation.
“Wait…” Hyunjin speaks up again. “Something’s… off.”
They all looked towards Changbin, whose expression never faltered from his original demeanour, cold look. Changbin’s skin glowed under the moonlight, tragically shining on the clean and bare neck.
“Your… bite.” Jisung catches on.
“Bin-hyung, where’s… your bite?” Jeongin asks, having no clue.
Minho’s eyes dart between the pack and Changbin.
“Also… where’s Seungmin?” Felix, always at the wrong place and time.
“I thought you’d be with him.”
Changbin snaps. “Why? Because we’re Betas?”
The pack jumps in alarm as Changbin is biting back without any remorse. No more of that soft personality jumping outside.
“Because you all thought,” He points a dirty finger at each one, “You all thought I could be the one to bring him back? To tell Seungmin empty promises and raise his expectations on every single one of you?”
His mouth had never been one to utter such ugly statements.
“To tell Seungmin that this… vacation was supposed to help us get together? When really, it was all for our sake! Even in his time of need and desperation, he’s always only been thinking about us! He’s never had the time to think about himself! Because he thought… he thought… he’d finally be included.” Changbin’s words die down as the others find anything to say at Changbin’s own moment of outburst.
Silence.
Jisung speaks.
“But… I thought Seungmin wanted to go to that Beta hangout spot.”
As always.
Wrong place and the wrong time.
“Oh, fuck all of you.” Changbin invokes.
And this is it. It was just like that moment the day before.
Changbin’s back is facing all of them. Facing away, the moon casts the shadow of his once reliable shoulders.
Changbin is walking.
Slow.
Careful.
Quiet.
Everyone is grounded in the soil.
‘Why isn’t anyone going after him?’
‘Why is no one chasing after him?’
‘Why is no one grabbing him?!’
Minho could then feel it as the only other dominant Alpha.
He looks over to Chan, the horror settling in his eyes.
The sound of a chain breaking.
The sound of chains clashing against one another, clattering on the floor as it echoed back to his mind.
Changbin’s chain.
Then it became two.
Seungmin’s already calling Seokmin, hoping to god he’s even awake during this time of the night. He’s clinging onto something. He’s not sure what it is, but this is the only chance he’ll ever have at starting anew.
Starting again. Starting with the belief that he will belong.
He will be a part of something.
Someone’s head.
Someone’s comfort.
Just the feeling of a family.
The feeling of… acceptance.
The line picks up.
“M-Minnie? What happened?” Seokmin’s voice rang deep on the other end.
“It’s almost 1 AM.” Seokmin must’ve been lying down, the sound muffled as he imagines he picked it up when the pillow muffled his sound.
“Seokmin-hyung,” Seungmin’s voice is already defeated, exhausted. He can’t bear to hide how he’s feeling anymore. Invulnerability is just going to get him killed at this point.
“I wanna leave.” Seungmin’s tone came off serious.
He hears a few bed rustling, a noise of disapproval from which sounded like Mingyu probably trying to sleep when Seokmin was moving around.
“W-Wait.” Seokmin’s voice is fuller than the original tone he’s used when talking with him.
“Min. What happened?” Seokmin worries.
“This…” Seungmin thinks of the gust of midnight air blowing his hair.
“Everything.” He chokes.
“This resort. This island.” Seungmin starts.
“Changbin. My pack.” He still says his name as if there was hope.
“I came to my conclusion.” Seungmin steels.
He hears Seokmin sigh from the other end. “And that’s your choice, right?”
“What do you mean?” Seungmin questions.
Seokmin reverbs. “Not because of anything else. But, because it’s you.”
“It’s your choice. As a Beta, and as Kim Seungmin.”
Seungmin plays the words of Seokmin back into his mind. He goes silent, thinking studiously about it. Everything that’s lived up to this very moment… was it all his choice?
His choice to leave? His choice to never ask for approval?
Was it his own obligation inside his head that maybe, one last hopeful opportunity would come to him that he’s only ever asked for?
Seungmin came to the island with the hopes of… reuniting himself.
And he thought he was. He thought his role as someone strong mentally was already enough to show the others he was with them throughout the ride. He even planned it all out because he was the only rational member. The only one who had the idea to care for his own pack’s comfort, wellness, and natural state of being.
That was Seungmin’s role—a caretaker.
And yet, he failed to ever take care of himself.
Was it self-loathing?
To always put everyone first before himself. Seungmin always had a nurturing personality. It wasn’t because he presented as a Beta, but that’s because he grew up into it naturally. To always provide and give even if he didn’t expect much in return.
But he lied to himself.
He did want something in return.
He wanted affirmation.
A constant. Something that should’ve kept him going.
Someone, anyone.
“Seung?” Seokmin’s voice penetrates his train of thought.
“Even I can hear you thinking outloud now.” His voice dejects.
“Sorry.” He apologized.
“Don’t be. I might have to get used to it.” He could practically imagine Seokmin’s warm and indulgent smile from the other side, and Seungmin thinks he could finally heal just a little bit, even if it weren’t his own true pack.
“Is that your unofficial invitation?” Seungmin could only bear a little sense of humour.
“It is whatever you want it to be,” Seokmin assures.
And Seungmin is thinking, how he had managed to be taken under the wing of an Omega whom he had just met days prior—someone who’s already seen him as an important figure to their own tiny little bond.
“I think I’ve asked too much from you guys already,” Seungmin states, walking down to the familiar spot on the beach.
“And you should be asking for more.” Seokmin somehow knows the right thing to say whenever Seungmin is downplaying himself.
“Get greedy, Seungminnie,” Seokmin said.
“It’s okay to want something. It’s okay to tell yourself, ‘I deserved this.’ If you worked hard for it, you shouldn’t ever prevent yourself from getting the things you want the most. And this especially applies to your own feelings.” Seungmin listens, unable to get a word in because of how positive Seokmin’s outlook on life has turned him.
“Is that how you bagged Mingyu-hyung?” Seungmin’s uncanny personality is coming back to life with Seokmin.
“Can’t believe you forgot he’s the one who fell first, AND harder.” Seokmin’s laugh sends him joy once again, in this lonely night.
Seungmin walks up a few steps, finding the light of something so warm and familiar.
“Is it bad if I want it now?” Seungmin holds his breath.
Seokmin analyzes his question, but he sees him, finally.
Through his curtains, Seungmin’s dishevelled state. Hair blown all over his face, the way his shirt seemed to wrinkle, like he’s just gotten through a lot of the entire day.
He jolts out of his bed, forgoing Mingyu’s comfortable state.
Seokmin opens the door, and his wolf howls as the moonlight presents him Seungmin, on the stairwell, looking up expectantly, eyes glimmering, like he’s going to break down again.
“Is it bad?”
Seokmin feels his wolf speak.
Feels it's time to call out to Seungmin’s own.
“Seungmin.” Seokmin sees it then as well.
His neck.
Bare.
Of nothing.
Seokmin shoves his phone back into his pocket, lunging towards Seungmin’s fragile body, his own body mass almost causing him to tumble, but he holds onto the railing. Seokmin never expected this could have happened in a mere day.
For him to unfold everything, to have to brave the severance of the situation.
Seokmin wants to ask, but he’s just going to keep holding him.
Give him a sense of comfort.
“You can ask.” Seungmin monotonously speaks.
“What do you want from now on?” Seokmin struggles to catch his words, trying not to let his own emotions get the better of him.
Because Seungmin himself is presenting to Seokmin’s wolf.
His Omega. To desperately cling to the puppy who’s lost his bite.
Who’s lost the courage to keep fighting, to stay with his litter.
Abandoned.
“To stay. And to leave.” Seungmin kept it short.
“Okay. Sure.” Seokmin nuzzles him into his embrace.
“You can stay. And you can leave.”
Mingyu is awoken when he feels the missing warmth of his bed. He’s squeezing his eyes open and closed, rubbing his face. Where could Seokmin be at this hour of the night?
He puts on a shirt, noticing the door open as the wind bellows inside, blowing the curtains. He sees it then, from the window.
He rushes out, and the scene unfolds before him.
Seokmin and Seungmin.
Basked in the moonlight's glow.
Seungmin has never looked so frail. And Mingyu’s senses are all awake when he’s feeling and smelling Seungmin’s condition.
He walks up, quiet, afraid to ruin their moment. Seokmin looks back, acknowledging that his Alpha had been awakened from his slumber.
He gives a shush motion to let Seungmin be for now.
Mingyu backs off, wary, understanding.
“Seungmin,” Seokmin’s voice sweetly calls him out, “Do you still feel… them?”
He pauses.
“...Them?” Seungmin pulls back, as he finally notices Mingyu, who’s silently lurking behind. Mingyu gives him a courteous nod, letting them be.
Seokmin looks into him, trying to make him understand the severity.
“You don’t… feel it, do you?” He cautiously asked.
“Feel what?”
That saddens Seokmin. Seungmin still has no clue.
Even when he was with his own pack, he never had any clues.
He’s always lost when it comes to picking things up.
“Do you wanna rub your neck?” Seokmin encouraged.
Seungmin does, obediently. His fingers go slow, steady. He feels nothing.
Confused.
Wait.
He feels… nothing.
His eyes open up at the context.
“M-My…” Seokmin nods. Pensive about the moment.
“You cut them off. Your bite.” Mingyu’s voice rumbles, settling inside Seungmin’s stomach.
“I did?” Seungmin didn’t even know he could erase something that should’ve been permanent.
“Maybe because we’re not Betas but…” Seokmin eases his hands to his own.
“I’ve heard of Betas easily accepting that they could no longer be fit in a pack. That their bonds can easily shatter when they go through something that takes a toll on them.” Seokmin rubs his calloused fingers as Seungmin tries to reason with his thoughts.
“Is that… what you’ve accepted?” Seokmin carefully treads his words.
Seungmin himself didn’t internally register what could have made him accept it, but the reality had already come true. That somewhere along the night, he did accept that he didn’t belong anymore. That… his pack had never called for him.
Seungmin should’ve been depressed about this.
He should’ve been at least heartbroken, down in the dumps.
But… he doesn’t feel regret.
Like this was something he had already expected to have happened.
“I… don’t know.” He’s unsure.
Because Seungmin, even though he’s already here, is with Seokmin and Mingyu.
He’s still thinking about his pack and thinking about them.
How’re they doing?
Have they eaten?
Have their ruts finished?
Is Chan getting sleep? Is he forcing himself to stay awake again? Has he learned to control his pheromones around the others? He hopes Felix could finally be the one to show him how much he’s looked out for, how a pack cannot function if their leader falls apart.
Is Minho working on his feelings? That he’ll finally be able to claim Jisung as his very own mate? That his possessive streak was all just for show when he would wrap his arms around Seungmin’s own waist. Seungmin pains to admit that they would make the ideal Alpha and Omega relationship.
Is Changbin still there? Did he… go back to them? Seungmin hopes he did because he did belong to them, afterall. Changbin has nowhere else to go. And Seungmin is worried for him. But he’ll be fine. He has Hyunjin after all.
Are Jeongin and Hyunjin causing emotional distress? Is Hyunjin getting enough mental breaks? What about Jeongin? He hopes the baby Alpha is finally understanding the concepts of boundaries and open packs. Seungmin would always be there to reassure Hyunjin that he was doing well. And to teach Jeongin how to share things that are meant for everyone else. He hopes someone else could take on that role for him.
Are Jisung and Felix taking it well? They must be having a hard time. They need to tend to the Alpha’s, but it’s okay. They’ve always been strong in carrying the pack’s sense of relationship and the romance aspects. Seungmin hopes they’re always cherished and that the pack members glorify them at all costs.
Seungmin’s stomach churns at his empty deliriums.
“They should be fine.” He smiles like he’s accepted it.
“They always were fine. With or without me.” The self-degradation doesn’t go unnoticed by both Seokmin and Mingyu.
“They’re probably trying to find you. To tell you it was a mistake on their end.” Mingyu lights up the vision in Seungmin’s head.
“They had all the time of the day to do that.” Seungmin rebukes.
Mingyu’s at a lost for words now.
Seungmin was really accepting it.
He was accepting the reality.
“We should talk properly in the morning.” Seokmin decides to end the banter before it might turn even worse for both sides.
“For now. Seungmin.” Seokmin’s eyes light up, the moon having his wolf howl to find a sense of comfort and peace for the stray.
“Get some rest.” He ushers him towards their small, loving cabin.
Seungmin nods. At this point, anything to make him numb the unspoken feelings that are still inside his body. Mingyu shuts the door behind them, the room seeming so still and yet Seungmin can’t help but find comfort even if it wasn’t them.
Them.
“Gyu,” Seokmin’s voice echoes, “Is it okay if you take the couch?”
Mingyu raises an eyebrow at that. “We can all fit on the bed.”
Seokmin doesn’t relent. “Just… for tonight. Please.”
Mingyu huffs in defeat, as he gives him an okay hand sign, whilst still giving his Omega an understanding smile. Seungmin watches it in slow motion, when Mingyu leans down to Seokmin, his neck bearing, his claiming mark. The bite mark is indented on Seokmin’s neck when he bares it for Mingyu to scent.
Mingyu’s own neck curving, revealing his own bite mark. Seokmin’s bite mark. Like destined to meet each other in the bask of the midnight glow—lovers who will find each other in every universe.
Mates.
Seungmin ever wonders.
Would anyone in his pack ever consider him to be his mate?
To choose him?
To want him?
To understand him? As much as Seokmin and Mingyu understood each other with emotional respect and intelligence.
To figure him out, before it’s too late.
Mingyu leaves the room and goes into the next, where a couch resides with some throwaway pillows. Seokmin stares at Seungmin, patting the bed gently.
He’s being invited by an Omega right now.
This… was supposed to be their own sacred place. Their consummation took place here.
In this loving bed. It was only supposed to be Seokmin and Mingyu.
And Seungmin can’t help it in himself to shake his head.
“I couldn’t.” He whispers.
“Why?” Seokmin asks.
“I’ve already taken away something so special from you guys as well.” Seungmin blunts.
“You're worried.” Seokmin makes the observation.
“That I might be like the rest.”
Seungmin shuts up at that.
“I’m not them.” He goads.
“You’re here because you chose me.” Seokmin looks up at him, eyes full of longing and peace.
“And I chose you.” Seungmin’s heart beats at that.
It is finally coming back to life.
“Seungmin. I accept you into my space.” Seokmin grabs his wrist, gently pulling him.
“Our space.” He relents.
Seungmin finally feels that stupid feeling rising in his chest.
Acceptance.
Loved.
Consideration.
He feels it—one strike of a tear.
Seungmin’s vulnerable spot.
Seokmin slowly lays him down, the puppy having no more motivation to bark and bite. He’s caressing Seungmin’s face with promise, the feeling of commitment. Seokmin has never looked more like an Omega mother figure than now. Taking in a stray, until he’s ready to go back out there again.
To heal.
“You’re okay,” Seokmin tells him.
“You’re here. Because you chose to be here.” Seokmin wipes away the slow tears.
Seungmin nods, a broken sob filtering out of his throat, like a puppy with hiccups.
“Shhh, shh. You’ll be alright.” Seokmin hums a sweet lullaby, his voice glowing with how good a vocalist he is. Seungmin leans into the tune, finding a similar tone as he joins him.
He’s a wreck. But at the very least, he could finally let it all out.
“Tomorrow.” Seokmin chants.
“Tomorrow. I’ll be here. Mingyu will be here.” Seokmin whispers.
“And we will talk. Moving forward.” Seungmin’s eyes close silently.
Seokmin watches as the pup lulls into his peaceful state. He smiles softly at the sight, for only having known Seungmin for a few days, he feels the need to make sure he has a place to belong where he’ll never be astray.
That Seungmin will find his own walk of the litter.
That wherever Seungmin may go moving forward, Seokmin already has him in his mind at all times. The Omega in his mind has accepted him.
That Seungmin could rest easily knowing that Seokmin sees him as his own.
He’s purring. An instinct that comes along when Seokmin is happy, content, and relieved. Seokmin scents Seungmin, as a form of protective nature, as well as making sure that whoever may smell him, Seungmin has already been claimed as his own.
He sees Mingyu standing on the side of the overhang, his arms crossed as he watches Seokmin pampering Seungmin with care.
“Do you really wanna give him what we can’t give?” Mingyu’s voice speaks with reasoning, honest, and credibility.
Seokmin gives him a knowing look.
“We couldn’t. Even if we tried.” He gives an unapologetic smile.
“But… to even give him a feeling of comfort. To be there for him as he tries to figure things out.” Seokmin looks down, Seungmin’s breathing even out.
“It’s like when you’ve lost all hope. Where do you go?” Seokmin looks towards the moon.
“Omegas and Alphas can always turn to someone else because they’re always sought out more. They know what they’re going through, and they have methods to escape that situation.” He points out.
“Where does a lone Beta go? Without any of their packmates?” He ponders.
“Where does he go when he’s accepted it himself, that he’s not needed anymore?”
Mingyu shuns at that statement.
“They’re always fighting for crumbs. For any validation. For anyone.” He quietly speaks.
“We don’t know. And we can’t ever relate to Seungmin. The best we can do now… is to be his supporting pillar.” Mingyu pulls a frown at Seokmin’s harsh reality of the world.
“He’s never had anyone to lean on.” Mingyu makes it obvious.
“Because that’s how everyone views him.”
Seokmin lies down beside him, hands under his pillow, staring into Seungmin’s features.
The way his eye bags start to show is the signs of constant exhaustion. The way his nose dives down when he’s snoozing. The way his heart-shaped lips looked was sumptuous, yet those lips had never had the chance to be full of love. Seokmin doesn’t wanna pity him, but it’s unavoidable. Seungmin is all by himself, in a world where he’s viewed as a nobody.
“He’ll keep standing, until he crumbles.”
Mingyu walks towards Seungmin’s side, opposite Seokmin’s.
He sits down gently, leaning down.
The Alpha scents him.
His and Seokmin’s combined.
Seungmin may never feel it, or never even smell it, but this was their only compromise.
That tomorrow, he’ll at least smell like he belongs.
To a home.
Not necessarily his home.
Just. A temporary home.