this home on ice

by CorvidCordelia

Summary:

Lily: What’s a girl to do on a lonely night in Montreal?

Jane:…

Jane: Feel bad about losing?

Lily: That was not very nice, Jane.

Lily: I am starting to think you are not the nice girl everyone says you are.

Lily: If you will not fuck me I think you should send me pictures of yourself so I can jerk off to them.

Jane: I’m not doing that!!! What if someone hacks your phone???

Lily: 😢

 

Or: Shane Hollander learns to stop worrying and love the Art of Sext

Notes:

I am using this fantastic and intuitive skin: https://github.com/Azdaema

If I can do it, literally anyone can.

See end notes for spoilers and content warnings.

Chapter 1: January, 2011

Lily

Hey Jane, see you in 2 weeks 😉 xo, Lily

Send me a pic so I can put it as your contact photo.

No???

Why? Here is one of me.

What the fuck who is that?

Me, I told you. Send me one of you now.

...

That is actress Lucy Liu you are catfishing me.

 

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WikiHow Quiz: Am I Gay?

How do you know if you’re gay? There’s a whole spectrum of romantic and sexual orientation, and ultimately, you get to choose whatever label feels right. But it can be tough to figure it all out, so we’ve created a quiz to help you explore how you feel about your sexuality and start to find some answers within yourself.

 

1. Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

1. I think so. That’s why I’m taking this quiz.
2. Wait, what’s the difference between friendship and a crush?
3. Don’t think so, but we’re so close people joke that we’re dating.
4. Nope. We’re just friends.

 

2. Have you ever kissed someone or wanted to kiss someone of the same gender?

1. Definitely, and it was great.
2. I haven’t done it, but I want to try it.
3. Yeah, and I’m not sure how I felt about it.
4. Nope. Not interested.

 

3. How do you feel about queer characters in TV shows and movies?

1. Oh, I’ve totally watched shows just for the queer ships and storylines.
2. I kind of feel like I can identify with queer characters.
3. I notice queer characters, but I don’t feel strongly about them.
4. I like the positive representation, but they don’t stand out to me.

 

4. When someone asks you who you’re crushing on:

1. A name comes to mind immediately, and it’s someone of the same gender.
2. I make up a name or pick someone random.
3. I literally don’t get the big deal about crushes.
4. I talk about someone of the opposite sex who I’m genuinely crushing on.

 

5. Has anyone ever asked you if you were gay?

1. People pretty much assume that about me all the time.
2. I’ve been asked that once or twice.
3. No one has asked directly if I’m gay, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did ask.
4. Never. People assume I’m straight.

 

6. When you imagine being in a relationship, what do you picture?

1. I can only see myself with someone of the same sex.
2. I’m not sure. Any gender seems okay.
3. I’ll probably be with someone of the opposite sex.
4. I can only see myself with someone of the opposite sex.

 

7. How would you feel about identifying as gay?

1. Yeah, that feels right.
2. It honestly makes me a little nervous, but also kinda fits.
3. I’m not sure how I feel.
4. No, I really don’t think that’s me.

 

8. Have you ever felt attracted to someone of the same gender?

1. Yes.
2. Yeah, but everyone has, right?
3. People of the same gender are just objectively more attractive.
4. Nope.

 

9. How do you feel about dating someone of the opposite gender?

1. I’m not interested. That would feel like a chore.
2. I wouldn’t mind, and I’ve either wanted to do it or have done it.
3. Maybe, but I’m not really interested in anyone.
4. I’d definitely date (or have dated) someone of the opposite gender.

 

10. Do you ever fantasize about being with someone of the same gender?

1. Yeah. Pretty often.
2. Sometimes.
3. Yes, but I’m not sure I’d actually end up with someone of the same gender.
4. No.

 

11. When you imagine kissing or being intimate with a future partner, how do you feel?

1. As long as I’m with someone I really like, that sounds great.
2. Good, I guess?
3. I can’t imagine that, and I don’t think I’ll ever want that, regardless of gender.
4. I’m too young for that.

 

12. If you scroll through your feed or FYP, do you see content from queer creators?

1. Yup. You got me.
2. Maybe! It depends on the day.
3. Yeah, but only because I’ve looked at one or two related posts.
4. Probably not.

 

13. Flash forward 5 years: how likely is it that your partner is the same gender as you?

1. Very likely.
2. Pretty likely.
3. Possible, but not super likely.
4. Not very likely.

 

14. Would you be comfortable using an LGBTQ+ dating app?

1. Absolutely! I already have one downloaded.
2. I’m open to giving one a try.
3. Not really, but I won’t rule it out completely.
4. No. That makes me uncomfortable.

 

15. Are there a lot of LGBTQ+ individuals in your friend group?

1. Absolutely! Lots of my friends are queer.
2. A few good friends of mine identify as LGBTQ+.
3. Not really—most of my friends are straight.
4. Nope. My entire friend group is straight.

 

16. What inspired you to take this quiz?

1. I think I might be gay, but I wanted some extra validation.
2. I identify with aspects of the queer experience but am not totally sure where I stand.
3. I'm just curious about the result I'll get.
4. I want to confirm that I'm heterosexual.

 

RESULT: YOU'RE PROBABLY STRAIGHT

 

 

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Lily

See you soon 🍑

Let me know when you land, I’ll text you the address.

 

 

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Major League Hockey Postpones Montreal Metros vs. Boston Raiders Game Due to Severe Weather

January 29, 2011

 

Major League Hockey announced today that tonight's game between the Montreal Metros and Boston Raiders, scheduled for 7:00 PM ET at Bell Centre in Montreal, has been postponed due to severe winter weather conditions affecting the Montreal area.

The region has received approximately five feet of snow, creating unsafe travel conditions for fans, staff, and team personnel. The safety of everyone involved remains our top priority.

The game will be rescheduled, and a new date will be announced in the coming days. All tickets for tonight's game will be honored at the rescheduled date. Fans unable to attend the rescheduled game may request a refund through their original point of purchase.

Updates will be posted on MajorLeagueHockey.com and the Montreal Metros' official channels.

We apologize for any inconvenience and thank fans for their understanding.

 

CONTACT:
Frank Supovitz
Major League Hockey Public Relations
212-789-2000
[email protected]

 

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Lily

Next time, I guess?

 

Notes:

This is a real gen-u-ine quiz folks, and Shane Hollander is apparently straight.
https://www.wikihow.com/Relationships/Am-I-Gay-Quiz