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You wonder why they all try so hard, exhausted just looking at them, while you sit at your desk, when you walk down the halls, or when you ride your bike home from school. Studying, playing sports, committing to several other extracurricular activities, using whatever time they have left to work some shitty part-time job, in an endless loop day after day, because it will look good on their resumes, so they're happily accepted into the school of their dreams. None of it matters to you. Nothing seem worth it to try. All you want is to live an easy life and you'll get there just the same as them exerting half the effort. You'll never be like them, never understand them. And they'll never understand you, always lonely because of it.
You can never wait to go home at the end of the day. See your cactus, Choki. Plants are easier than people. You don't know how to nurture friendships, familial bonds, or crushes. All you need to provide for Choki is bright sunlight, soil, and the occasional watering. You like to think you get all the social interaction you need from the cactus. You tell him about your day, about all the curious things you saw. But, of course, he never answers. And sometimes, just sometimes, it makes you even lonelier. Not that you don't appreciate Choki's company. You do. But even you're forced to realize a plant companion cannot replicate a human being.
But you can't imagine what it would be like to have a real friend. When you think about what it might be like, calling someone up to ask about their day or invite them out to a cafe, you feel like you're suffocating, as if you're already in the midst of the queasiness you often feel being near others. You don't have anyone you can do those kinds of things with, anyway. You can barely find it in yourself to respond to a short text from your parents asking how you're doing.
It's just another hassle. The answer is always the same. You go to school, get good grades without trying, you go home, you play video games until you fall asleep and then you do it all over again the next day. Life is a bore, it's worse than that. Eating, bathing, brushing your teeth, what's the point of it all? You didn't ask to be born and take up meaningless space, floating through a haze and waiting for something to happen that pushes you toward the next chapter, then the next, then the next, until you cease to be on this earth anymore.
That's how it feels, at least, until you see the red string. You think your eyes are playing tricks on you when you notice it on your uniform. You think it's just a piece of ribbon that's landed there, something that fell down from the Valentine's Day decorations your teacher strung up, but when you try brushing it off, the string holds fast and you notice that it trails out of the classroom.
Glancing around the room to check if anyone else sees, you realize you're the last one left, everyone already packed up and subsequently fleeing the classroom while you sluggishly woke from a nap and took your time collecting your things. The red string leads you down the hall and the flight of stairs, all the way to the school's entrance, and then outside. You keep following until you find yourself in the courtyard, in front of a bench where a boy's seated. But not just any boy. It's Mikage Reo. You've always had a crush on him, but never once have you said a single word to him. He's gorgeous, popular, studious, and hard-working. Everything you're not.
The red string stops on his uniform directly above his heart, but he seems unaware of it, absorbed in a textbook. Doesn't see you walking up to him or the way you stare, captivated by his beauty like you always are. As if it's reacting to your presence, the string begins to glow and pulse like a steady heartbeat. You lose track of how long you stand there, embarrassed when Reo finally looks up, his cute small eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Hey, Nagi," he greets, warmly.
"You know my name?"
You never thought a boy like Mikage Reo would ever notice you. A boy like him shouldn't notice you. He's bright like warm, radiant sunshine, of course everyone wants to be near him. But you're a patch of gray clouds to avoid, lest storms arise.
He blushes. You find it curious, wonder if you're the reason for it, trying to settle the butterflies flying wildly in your stomach.
"Are you studying?"
"Yeah, it's peaceful out here."
Reo's bag slips off the bench, several cards falling out. Pink, red, and purple envelopes decorated with hand-drawn hearts. Valentines. Of course Reo would receive a lot of them. But what of the red string connecting the two of you now? Does it mean… you're soulmates? Are you dreaming? The red string of fate is just a myth. It doesn't exist in real life. And why can't Reo see? If you aren't dreaming, then you may just be going crazy. Too many late nights playing video games.
Reo scrambles to put all the cards back into his bag, the redness of his cheeks deepening.
"You probably have a lot of admirers…" You murmur, immediately regretting saying something so stupid.
"It makes me uncomfortable, sometimes. I can't return any of their feelings. But um, actually, it's lucky that you're here," he says, digging around further into his bag and pulling out a white envelope taped to a a small box.
"These chocolates are for you. I made them myself," Reo smiles shyly.
You accept them, hands shaking, and you'd wonder what kind of cruel trick your mind is playing on you, if not for how unbearably real Reo's hand feels when it brushes against yours.
"I wasn't brave enough to give you these earlier, but Happy Valentine's Day. I like you, Nagi."
"You like me…?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, that was silly of me," Reo says, averting his eyes toward the ground. "You can keep the chocolates if you want or just throw them away."
"No! I just don't—why would you be interested in a slacker like me? This isn't a joke, is it?"
Looking back up, Reo laughs. "It isn't. You were always just so hard to approach. We're in different classes and you always looked like you didn't want anyone to bother you anyway. But yeah, I really do. You're cute and interesting. I want to get to know you if that's okay."
It isn't like you, to place trust in others. But you choose to believe him. Because he sounds so endearing and the red string connecting the two of you remains. What other evidence do you need?
You decide to take the plunge. "I like you too."
"Oh! Um, then, would you like to go on a date later?"
Reo's still oblivious to the red string despite it glowing brighter than before, but it's okay, you'll make him see. After all, he must recognize some hidden potential within you no one else has. You'll work hard so he doesn't get bored of you.
Rushing home to freshen up, you tell Choki all about Reo as you water him and prick your finger on his spine. You're happy, a strange and new feeling. Plants are easier to nurture than people. And you never thought you'd be going on a date, let alone with the boy of your dreams. But maybe with Reo, you can begin learning how to live for real. You're soulmates, after all.