Work Text:
As a captain in the Consolidation of Iron, Ava has one rule for herself: never, ever sleep with a subordinate. She knows it’s the end of the world, and she knows that options are limited, but she holds herself to a higher standard than that; she knows better than to abuse her power in that way, even if it’s unintentional.
And, of course, even if she does compromise on her morals just a little bit, there are certain people that are one hundred percent off-limits—doctors, for instance—because the dynamic of authority is just too complex.
Therefore, when Ava wakes up next to Tamsin, the first thing that shoots through her mind is absolute blind panic.
The scratchy bed sheet slips from Ava’s chest as she sits bolt upright and frantically glances around the unfamiliar room. This isn’t even her apartment; she assumes it’s Tamsin’s, because it would be strange if it wasn’t. Goosebumps prickle along her arms, and she instinctively crosses them only to realize that she’s completely naked.
Great. As if it couldn’t get any worse, now she has to find her clothes in a freezing bedroom before making the walk of shame back to her living space. Fuck my life.
But before Ava can commit to swinging her legs out into the cold, an arm deftly snakes its way around her waist. Blunt nails lightly drift across her skin, and she shudders, but not from the temperature.
“Going somewhere?” mumbles a familiar voice, English accent thick with sleep. Ava thinks it’s supposed to be sexy, but the effect is somewhat dulled by the grogginess clinging to her vocal cords; unfortunately, Ava has always had more of a weakness to real women than Barbie dolls.
“I… I shouldn’t be here in the first place,” Ava stammers. She fights the urge to look back and loses, turning almost instinctively to regard the other women, and all of the breath vanishes from her lungs in an instant.
Tamsin’s head is lazily propped up on her other arm, and even with only the dimmest night light illuminating the room, her eyes glimmer amber in an almost cat-like manner. Her face is perfectly framed by a vibrant blue bonnet, which keeps her curls neatly tucked away, and her eyes are still half-closed from sleep, leaving her blinking slowly and adorably up at Ava.
“Tamsin,” Ava blurts, trying again.
Tamsin traces a gentle circle over Ava’s skin with her thumb, and murmurs, “I’m sure I’ve told you to call me Tammy.”
She has. That’s the name that Ava cries out for in her dreams, and whispered between her legs last night. But, in the daytime, it feels like something forbidden. “I’m your captain,” Ava breathes.
Tammy hesitates. “I can’t tell you this isn’t wrong. Five years ago, I would never…” She shakes her head. “We all need something to hold onto, or else there’s no point in surviving. That’s all we have left.” She slips her hand from Ava’s waist and interlaces their fingers together while Ava stares, her mind so filled with thoughts that it feels eerily still. “Ava, in these last few years, nothing has meant anything so much as trying to make you happy. And I… I respect your dedication, but there’s not enough of us left to be particular about who we spend our time with—and who knows how much time each of us has left.”
“What are you asking me?” Ava whispers, so quiet she can barely hear her own voice.
“I’d just…” Tammy pauses, running her thumb over Ava’s knuckles, then goes on. “I’d just like to try… this. I’m only asking that you give me a chance, and see if it’s what you want, rather than running away from something that might make you happy.”
Ava doesn’t know what to say. She’s ashamed of herself, ashamed of who she is, ashamed of why it feels so wrong to be with this beautiful woman when there’s nothing stopping them anymore. So, by way of some kind of explanation, she blurts, “I was in the Navy.”
Tammy’s brow furrows, and with excessive amounts of British politesse, she replies, “Pardon?”
“The US Navy,” Ava clarifies. “Before I got sent out here, I mean.”
“This explains a lot about you,” Tammy comments.
“I’m not finished.” Once she starts talking, it’s difficult to stop, especially with Tammy looking at her with such genuine curiosity. “I was stationed in Busan when the Third Sino-Japanese War broke out. We were called in to assist Japan. And when they lost—” Ava flinches; the memory is like bitter bile in her mouth. “When they put a call out for volunteers to be deployed to a brand-new, experimental space station, I signed up. I couldn’t get away from Earth fast enough.” She shakes her head. “I’m not exactly the kind of girl people want to spend their days with. Nights, maybe, but a young gay vet isn’t most people’s idea of an ideal partner.”
“I remember that war,” Tammy tells her, softly. “I still lived on Earth, then, too.”
“No, you don’t.” Ava’s voice comes out a bit sharper than she intends, and part of her feels bad, but the rest of her is shaking with some kind of horrible cocktail of rage and fear. “You don’t remember it, you have no idea—” She cuts herself off and drops her chin to her chest. “I guess it doesn’t fucking matter anymore. Everything’s gone now.”
Tammy squeezes Ava’s hand, and it’s not much, but it’s something. Ava swallows thickly. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know,” Ava admits. She’s struggling to look Tammy in the eyes. “I guess— well, I’d understand if you wanted to take your offer back.”
A faint smile passes across Tammy’s face as she shakes her head. “Ava, dear, don’t be ridiculous. I was an ER doctor for seven years; I have seen far worse than a young gay vet doing her best.”
“Oh.” Something inside Ava’s chest crumbles, and she deflates. All the fight goes out of her in an instant, and she lets her arms slump down against the sheets. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“PTSD, probably,” says Tammy, “but I’m not a psychiatrist.” When Ava looks up, she’s smiling wider, and Ava realizes that it was supposed to be funny. “There you are.” She pushes herself up off of her elbow to a more seated position, and opens both of her arms towards Ava. “Come here.”
“You don’t want me,” Ava says, but she’s unsure of herself, now. For years, nothing has made sense, and this is just another small twist of reality.
“I can assure you, I do. I’m quite sure of myself.” Tammy’s arms don’t falter. “Please, let me hold you.”
Ava hesitantly shifts closer, and Tammy closes her embrace around her, drawing her towards the warmth of her body. Ava practically falls into her, letting her head drop against Tammy’s shoulder, and shakily letting out a breath against her skin.
“You don’t have to deal with this alone,” Tammy tells her. “Not anymore.”
“God,” Ava croaks, “what did I do to deserve this?”
Instead of answering, Tammy leans down to kiss her.