Chapter Text
This is the third time you and Kim have played Suzerainity. The first time, back in Martinaise, you ended up with a “strategy” that was all about uplifting the people, an imaginary moral victory and an utter defeat at the actual game. The second time, you really tried to win, and you made a very strong showing, but a lucky card draw at the end gave Kim the perfect opportunity to unravel all your plans.
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] Not entirely chance. He planned his game so that if that card came up, he’d be ready.
You don’t know what’s happening with the game this time. Your mind wandered and you lost track. It’s been three hours. When you invited Kim to play again, you told him you were going to win this time, and you said, “Third time’s a charm,” and shot your finger guns at him, and he didn’t smile.
[DRAMA] Because you were in the precinct, sire. His stoicism is enforced in the presence of the other guardsmen.
[COMPOSURE] He still thinks you’re funny.
- Am I winning?
You still don’t know what’s going on in the game.
- Try to figure out who’s winning [Logic, Trivial]
- Try to figure out what Kim’s strategy is [Rhetoric, Challenging]
- Try to figure out what your strategy is [Visual Calculus, Heroic]
- Wait, why haven’t I been paying any attention?
[SUCCESS] Kim’s archaeologists have secured him a massive number of victory points already. The only way he isn’t winning is if he’s made an error you can exploit, or if your strategy is clever enough to suddenly turn out a few dozen victory points in the next handful of turns.
- Try to figure out what Kim’s strategy is [Rhetoric, Challenging]
- Try to figure out what your strategy is [Visual Calculus, Heroic]
- Wait, why haven’t I been paying any attention?
[FAILURE] His strategy is straightforward: Unearth relics, sell them, use the money to fund more archaeologists to unearth more relics, use what little educational infrastructure you have against you and force you to buy relics. You don’t see any errors to exploit. Maybe you could have stopped his archaeology engine while it was being built, but now that it’s running, it’s running.
- Try to figure out what your strategy is [Visual Calculus, Heroic]
- Wait, why haven’t I been paying any attention?
[SUCCESS] The way you’ve put down your cards and tokens and resources, you can reverse-engineer the timeline of actions you’ve taken, more or less. Given your handedness, you would have started on the left and moved rightward. But some of the cards played on the left indicate they were played later, despite their position, because they still have a light smear of your disgusting hand sweat. The cards in your hand are suffering. It appears you attempted to build a sugar empire, saw that the next step towards victory was going to be either human trafficking or child labor (or both), and then pivoted to trying to build the cultural value of patisserie.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] Patisserie can never generate enough victory points to create a Semenine victory on its own. It’s a “strategy” that allows a successful sugar empire to take an early victory lap if their opponents are stable enough to not immediately collapse. It’s for showboating in games with a long denouement. It also means you have to maintain a bare minimum educational structure. For the patissiers.
- So my city state has a cake-based economy and is being bled dry by its mandatory appetite for Kim’s antiquities?
Correct.
- Are the workers at least thriving?
No. You only have a few education tiles, and nearly all your bread tokens are invested in patisserie. The workers’ quality of life is best described as meager.
Kim is looking at you. He must be done with his turn.
- Build another bakery or something. Just don’t cry. Three losses to a worthy opponent is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Is it too late for child labor?
- Wait, why haven’t I been paying any attention?
Your hands are sweatier than normal. You’re definitely sober. You’re between cases, having officially wrapped up THE YELLOW-HAT WOMAN this afternoon, and it wasn’t that interesting. Even pretty tidy, once you found the evidence to prove your hunch. This was the fourteenth case you’ve solved with Kim. When you told him three days ago that you were sure it was the receptionist, he just nodded, ready to follow the leads with you to figure out why that was true. So at least it isn’t that you’re fucked up, and it’s not that you’ve been thinking about a case.
[PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT] Kim’s got his jacket off, and it looks like he’s made some progress on his arms. And chest.
[PERCEPTION: SIGHT] His chest looks the same.
[REACTION SPEED] You need to make a move in the game right now or he’s going to say something, and it’ll be either something smug about how you’re losing, or something uncomfortable about how you’re staring at him.
- Build another bakery or something. Just don’t cry. Three losses to a worthy opponent is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Child labor it is.
- Am I staring?
Too slow, comrade.
“You will need to buy another cache of ancient relics on the next turn or pay the penalty, but if you build a bakery this turn and next it won’t generate enough income for the shipment after that. Slavery would make enough to pay, but you don’t have the peacekeeping force active to withstand the civil outrage cost for a population that size. But three losses to a worthy opponent is nothing to be ashamed of.”
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] We forgot about the civil outrage costs in the late game.
[EMPATHY] He’s offering to end the game early as a mercy, but he’s also gotten bored with his archaeology engine. It works too well. It’s so dull he isn’t even gloating.
[SUGGESTION] It’s not too late yet. Convince him to do a different activity with you. Maybe a rematch. Just don’t let him leave.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] It’s not too late to party. You’re off tomorrow. Get loose with Kim.
[DRAMA] The karaoke bar is still open.
[VOLITION: FAILURE] Kim isn’t going to party with you. He isn’t even going to have a second cigarette.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] It’s a fucking shame too, he looks so good with a cigarette. If you looked that good with a cigarette, you could have anything you wanted.
[CONCEPTUALIZATION] He looks cool without the cigarette. Every time he leaned forward to move his pieces, the light from the lamp painted his features: a ridge of gold exaggerating the angles of his nose and jaw, hard shadows accentuating his mouth, and the glare on his glasses leaving him eyeless, inscrutable and mysterious. The kind of guy who could go toe to toe with Dick Mullen and you’d really want him to get away with it. It’s a waste Kim doesn’t spend any of his time explaining his evil plans. Even his voice is cool.
[REACTION SPEED] You still haven’t said anything or made a move in the game. He has definitely noticed you staring. NOW.
- Convince him to play again. If you both play decisively, it’ll only take until midnight. [Suggestion, Challenging]
- Convince him to go to the karaoke bar with you. [Suggestion, Impossible]
- Cry and build a bakery.
- Come up with something else, quick! Something daring! [Savoir Faire, Legendary]
[SUCCESS] Got it, coolest non sequitur ever coming right up. If you put your hand on the edge of the coffee table on his side, you can close the gap and you probably won’t fall over. This lighting, you’ll look rakish on the way there, and if you pull him across, the Suzerainity pieces will scatter all over the floor. The sort of thing the Hjelmdallermann would do, if he ever played a hypercomplex multihour board game. Only works if you do it now.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] YES!!
You get almost all the way across, but Kim leans back just before contact would be made.
[VOLITION: SUCCESS] What the fuck is this plan anyway? This is a super weird thing to do. Like just to be clear, what are we trying to achieve?
[INLAND EMPIRE: FAILURE] Stop… losing?
[VISUAL CALCULUS] He only moved a few inches, barely a change in his posture. He must have another foot of space behind him, at least.
[HALF LIGHT] Get him.
[PAIN THRESHOLD] If he throws a punch, that’s only fair.
- Brace for him to punch you. [Endurance, Medium]
- Don’t brace, just let him punch you. [Pain Threshold, Easy]
- Punch him first. [Physical Instrument, Medium]
- Fuck it. Close the inches. [Electrochemistry, Challenging]
[SUCCESS] You are now kissing your partner, Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi of the 41st, one of the finest detectives and finest men you have ever met, at least in your memory. You have not yet been punched. As kisses go, you don’t think this is your best work. As distractions from trivial humiliations go, this is certainly avant garde, bordering on deranged.
[PERCEPTION: SMELL] His aftershave, and the cigarette he had earlier, and a little sweat from jogging around Jamrock earlier today.
Kim grips your jacket lapel and pushes you back slightly. Your ponderous bulk hovers precariously, trapped between his hand on your lapel and your hand on the coffee table, while he takes his glasses off. He pulls you forward again.
[PERCEPTION: TASTE] The singular cigarette, mostly, staler on spit.
- What is happening???
- Get him. [Half Light, Medium]
The city does not answer. The precinct does not answer. No insights come from outside this room.
You are still kissing Kim. In fact, technically you stopped for a moment, and then he kissed you. He is showing no sign of punching you. You are leaned over your coffee table and the end of a game of Suzerainity, which you were losing badly.
- He is kissing me?
- Get him. [Half Light, Medium]
That seems to be the case. He is an admitted member of the homo-sexual underground, and you remember him mentioning your biceps once.
- Why am I doing this? [Inland Empire, Easy]
- Why is HE doing this?? [Empathy, Easy]
- Get him. [Half Light, Medium]
[FAILURE] You were losing Suzerainity very badly. For a third time.
- Why is HE doing this?? [Empathy, Easy]
- Get him. [Half Light, Medium]
[FAILURE] He… is a homo-sexual?
[AUTHORITY] Kim would not kiss any man he did not want to kiss. He could have punched you instead. Or given you the brow.
[SUGGESTION] Don’t look at me, I didn’t do anything.
- Stop doing this, but don’t freak out. [Composure, Challenging]
- Stop doing this, and freak out. [Drama, Easy]
- Get him. [Half Light, Medium]
[FAILURE] You manage to grab onto his waist with one hand, but your plan to pull him over the coffee table and dramatically scatter game pieces across the room doesn’t pan out. You aren’t fast enough, or Kim is more decisive. He shoves the table and it slides and hits the wall, and tokens only scatter in the area immediately below. The two of you wrestle for a few seconds as your efforts to put hands on him seem to oppose his efforts to put hands on you, and you get stuck with your jacket half off. His boot catches on the sofa leg, you lose your balance, and one or both of you is going to hit the ground pretty hard.
[REACTION SPEED: SUCCESS] You free yourself of the jacket, pin Kim to your belly with one arm, and manage to catch your collective fall with your other arm.
-1 Health
You are laying mostly on top of Kim on the ugly rug. One of your arms is trapped under him. The other arm is bent at the elbow and hurts, but is probably not injured. Kim is also not injured, which you can guess because he is squeezing your ass and has his hand in your hair and is kissing you again. Estimating very kindly to both of you, you weigh at least 20 kilograms more than him. It’s probably not comfortable for him. Maybe you should get off him?
[ACES LOW] He is into this. That is not his gun. DO NOT GET OFF HIM.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Get him off!
- “Do you want me to suck your cock?”
- “I want to suck your cock.”
- “I need to suck your cock.”
- “Can I suck your cock?”
- “Please let me suck your cock.”
- So I really have been a cocksucker all along?
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Harry, baby, you are no mere cocksucker. You are a source of elite dome. Cock, pussy, tits, ass, you name it, your mouth is there. And you're good.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] It’s called an “oral fixation”. Probably why you didn’t quit smoking when you quit everything else.
[SAVOIR FAIRE] This is one of your most disco traits!
- “Do you want me to suck your cock?”
- “I want to suck your cock.”
- “I need to suck your cock.”
- “Can I suck your cock?”
- “Please let me suck your cock.”
- “I'm going to suck your cock and I'm going to ruin you for everyone else. You are about to get the best head of your life. I'm going to turn you inside out. You should be terrified of how good this is about to be.” [Savoir Faire, Impossible]
Kim lets out a long breath. “Okay. But take your clothes off first.”
[INTERFACING: SUCCESS] You undress with incredible speed. Could probably have tried to do that in a way that was sexy, or at least cool, but maybe Kim is hot for efficiency. He’s removed his shirt, boots, and belt, and when you lean over him he reaches up. He seems to like kissing.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] Maybe he also has the oral fixation. Seems like the sort of thing that would be common in the homo-sexual underground. And he smokes too. Technically.
[RHETORIC] Shut up.
You unbutton his cargo pants and pull them and his underwear off in one motion, still more eager than artful. His inner thighs have a light dust of dark hair, and a sparse path reaches from his pubis towards his belly button, but doesn’t make it all the way there. He has a birth mark on the inside of his left leg just above the knee, and a mole on the top of his left thigh. There is a yellow bruise on his right knee from when he went to the ground last week during a scuffle. You don’t remember the specifics of any alive people’s genitals, aside from your own, but his cock looks incredible to you.
- “Wow…”
- Get it in your mouth, to the root, right now!
- Take it easy. Now that you’ve gotten to this point, you can be really thorough.
You hear a huff, just short of a laugh, and look up at Kim’s face.
“Have you done this before?”
[EMPATHY] He’s thinking about how you didn’t know what homo-sexuals were. He is ready to provide guidance if you need it.
- “Yep.”
- “I think so?”
- “I can’t remember.”
- “No.” (Lie) [Drama, Easy]
- “Kim, I’m no mere cocksucker. I give elite dome. And skill comes from experience.”
- Say nothing.
You let the plosive really pop. Kim blinks.
[DRAMA] Genuine surprise, milord. Disbelief, even!
- Get it in your mouth, to the root, right now!
- Take it easy. Now that you’ve gotten to this point, you can be really thorough.
You start with your mouth on the inside of his thigh, soft wet kisses moving up, and then nearer to his groin you pull the thin, sensitive skin between your teeth a little. You roll his balls in your hand to see how he responds.
[PERCEPTION: HEARING] Another slow exhale.
[DRAMA] Early reviews of your performance are positive.
Pulling your mouth off his thigh, you move your face central. His dick twitches in your hand, but you only hold it loosely at the base. You lick up the seam of his sack, then suck the right nut into your mouth. You have definitely done this before. After the right has been adequately slobbered over, you move on to give the left equivalent attention. Your hand is still unmoving on his cock, but a drip of precome slides down to your thumb.
- Lick it!
- Start to jerk him while you’re sucking his balls.
- I eat ass too, right? Can I do that now?
[PERCEPTION: TASTE] You have definitely done this before.
A sharp intake of breath. Kim’s mouth is slightly open, and he’s squinting a little, trying to watch you without his glasses. He’s propped up on his elbows, but shifts his weight to one so he can reach down to put his hand on your shoulder.
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] He does this sometimes. It’s for both of your nerves.
[ENDURANCE] You have good shoulders, they’re broad. Powerful.
- Not done with the build-up yet.
- Okay, put it in your mouth, but no rush.
- Enough waiting, you need it in your throat now.
You spread the precome around the head with your tongue first, with an extra press to the underside. Then you slide it slowly over your lips and into your mouth. You are salivating a crazy amount, which is useful.
[PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: SUCCESS] Like riding a bike. You set a rhythm that isn’t too frustratingly slow, but still maybe a bit of a tease, and throw in an occasional Special Move from the repertoire you’re discovering you have. You could do this all day.
[ENDURANCE: SUCCESS] You absolutely could not do this all day, but you can definitely do it long enough. At some point you might start worrying about how hard your own dick is, though. What do the pill packets in Frittte always say, 4 hours or more? Shouldn’t take that long.
Kim’s breathing is faster now, and he moves his hand up from your shoulder into your hair, again, and then says, “Is this okay?”
[EMPATHY: FAILURE] It’s not clear what he’s talking about.
- Stop sucking and say, “What?”
- Say, “Hmph?” (Do not stop sucking)
- Moan, to indicate general okayness.
- See if you can get him to pull your hair! [Pain Threshold, Formidable]
That seems to have been the correct answer, because his eyes close and his fingers twist a little against your scalp. You let your speed gradually build, but to your disappointment he’s holding it together pretty well. A lesser man would have been long done for. Time for an advanced technique. You know the one.
- Do I know the one?
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY: SUCCESS] Oh yeah, you know the one. You go all the way down. Hairs tickle your nose, you can’t breathe, spit is everywhere, and some might say this is a gross misapplication of a middle-aged man’s throat. But you don’t feel even the faintest hint of an impulse to gag. This is virtuoso shit. You swallow.
[PERCEPTION: HEARING] His most audible sound so far.
“Fuck. Stop, Harry.”
- It’s totally working. Swallow again. [Authority, Heroic]
- He really sounds like he means it. Stop.
- Stop, but make him wish you hadn’t. [Savoir Faire, Medium]
[FAILURE] You think you want to stay down and push him over the edge, but he barely pulls on your hair makes an authoritative noise that’s halfway between a scoff and a grunt, and you pull off him with a gross slorp.
“Okay. Fine. You’ve done this before. I’m sorry I doubted you.”
[EMPATHY] He was super close to blowing. One more swallow would have done it.
[EMPATHY] But he was worried about the not breathing thing, and he thinks you were maybe trying to prove a point by suffocating yourself on him.
- “You should be. I am a cocksucking genius. I elevate the artform.”
- “I can do that more, it’s easy. Or I can eat your ass. Or I can ride you.”
The laugh starts out of him like a gut punch, a complete surprise and totally involuntary. He laughs hard enough to curl in on himself some, mostly silently after the initial outburst, aside from the occasional wheeze. His slobbery cock and balls are spreading your spit on his stomach and thighs. He’s gold-limned with ruddy blooms on his chest and ears and everywhere your mouth has been, and he’s so fucking gorgeous.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Your system hasn’t seen a chemical fire like this since you got boring. Watch out!
[COMPOSURE: FAILURE] Eight minutes ago you were fully clothed colleagues engaged in a socially acceptable game of recreational colonialism, which you were losing so badly that you derailed it into some kind of homo-erotic sex-comedy, crossing all boundaries of professionalism and propriety, and furthermore jeopardizing the future of your friendship with the man who, let’s be honest, has been your primary source of stability ever since your quasi-suicidal bender in Martinaise reset your worthless shithead life. Because you’re too stupid to win and too childish to lose and too lecherous to preserve the sanctity of divine brotherhood between comrades in arms.
-1 Morale
[VOLITION: SUCCESS] WHOA THERE, COOL IT, LET’S THINK THIS THROUGH.
[LOGIC] He’s the one who sent the game and your coffee table across the room. He took off his own clothes, mostly, and asked you to take off yours. He could have punched you and didn’t. He kissed you back. You asked to suck his cock. Even if this is a bad idea, it’s not solely yours.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Let’s not forget how rock hard he already was when you hit the ground together. And still is.
[CONCEPTUALIZATION] This didn’t start eight minutes ago. This has been going on for an eon, maybe since the first engine rumble pulled you from the darkness. You and Kim, you’ve been in each other’s orbits, locked in a dance of professional-adjacent emotional intimacy and mutual hunger to be depended upon, both drowning for how much you need this connection and pouring impossible effort into pretending it’s normal. You don’t have what keeps other cops sane. You don’t have families, you don’t have hobbies, you don’t have friends. You have colleagues, your fellow cops, the work. That’s it. It has to be everything. This is Sad stuff. Maybe familiar, maybe to both of you, you’re not sure. This is the kind of thing that was always going to get physical. At least this way no one is bleeding.
[SHIVERS] There is a basement apartment in Central Jamrock, below an upholsterer, where a long-limbed man who has been cragged since childhood is listening to his favorite jazz tape at high volume. You’ve never been to this apartment, but you carried his furniture in, down the narrow stairwell, on an oppressive day in June ‘49. He has a safe with a timer on it, like convenience stores have. The timer override combination is 31-10-25. His gun isn’t in it tonight.
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] It’s about bullets and more than bullets.
[PAIN THRESHOLD: FAILURE] Speaking of which, this rug is not plush and your leg really hurts.
-1 Health
As Kim is regaining his own composure, you fold pathetically, tears welling up fast.
“Are you alright? Is it your leg? We should relocate this groundbreaking performance to the bed.”
[VOLITION] See? He doesn’t want to stop. He wants to get in bed with you.
Kim stands and then takes your elbow to help lever you off the ground. His hand across your back stabilizes you for the short trip to your bedroom.
[EMPATHY] Once you were both standing, he was close enough to hear you sniffle. He’s touching you a little to help, but mostly to make sure you know he still wants to.
Your bed is unmade, but it’s only been a couple cases since you changed the sheets in a fit of furious, productive despair.
[CONCEPTUALIZATION] Sudden bursts of cleaning have become an unexpected stand-in for frustration-related drinking. It probably works because you get to have the satisfaction of having done something that a functional person who isn’t a piece of shit would do, but you can do it in a way that makes you a martyr. Scrubbing your bathtub for two hours hurts your busted old body, and you can skip the gloves and let the chemicals make your knuckles crack. Plus it’s really boring, so you get time to think about the case extra hard.
[SAVOIR FAIRE] Cool, fuckable cops have bathrooms that don’t make people want to hurl.
You slump heavily onto your bed, and Kim follows. He’s still hard, but you’re flagging after your semi-private thirty second emotional rollercoaster. Until, of course, Kim leans forward and starts kissing you again, and wraps a warm, slender hand around your cock.
[SAVOIR FAIRE] Cool, fuckable cops don’t come instantly the first time their partner touches their dick.
- Stay disco, keep your shit compressed. It’s just a handy. [Composure, Challenging]
- Express how you feel about this turn of events. Let him understand your inner soul. And how perilously hot you are for him. [Drama, Challenging]
[FAILURE] You suspect the last handjob you got was either resentful or not free. It also stands to reason that the last person to handle you was not this skillful, nor were their hands as enticingly callused. Your response is embarrassing, panting heavily followed by a wounded beast’s noise ejected directly at Kim’s neck, probably too close to his ear for how loud it is. But at least you didn’t come.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] You sounded pretty similar to the Ardan moose.
[INLAND EMPIRE] A dire moose maybe?
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] We can’t know.
Kim stops stroking and leans back, as if a step in a process was completed. His expression is perceptibly self-satisfied.
- “What’s next?”
- “I’m sorry I bellowed like a moose.”
- Run away to your clean bathroom.
“Hmm,” he says. He is looking at your cock.
[INTERFACING] You know that face. This is the face he makes when he’s got his hands on the steering levers and is trying to decide if he can park the MC in a narrow spot, and if so, how to pull it off.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Rock and roll.
- Hold on. Is it… big? And if so, why is this the first I’m hearing of it?
[SAVOIR FAIRE] It is extremely undisco to make a big deal about how huge your cock is. Just makes you seem like you’re compensating for a small one.
[RHETORIC] And it makes you sound like a chauvinist prick.
[SAVOIR FAIRE] Cooler to just wear tight pants and let people notice. It’s smaller when it’s soft, but not by that much. And your balls are large too. Honestly, you don’t have much of a choice about the tight pants.
- So how big is it?
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] An average human penis is around 5 inches long and 4.5 inches in circumference when fully erect. Most penises fall within an inch to an inch and a half of these measures.
[VISUAL CALCULUS] What you’ve got is easily 178% the length of Kim’s. Which is itself probably a quarter or half inch longer than average, with girth perhaps a quarter inch below average. His cock is also nicely shaped, with an aesthetically pleasing tilt 7 degrees to his left, and stands against his stomach on its own. Yours has a tendency to flop against your thigh, too heavy to bear its own weight.
[HAND EYE COORDINATION] It’s unwieldy.
[PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT] But you can wield it.
[ENDURANCE] You’re huge all over, bröther. It’s proportionate.
- It sounds like I’m insecure about my massive dong.
THOUGHT GAINED: THE MEASURE OF A MAN
[INLAND EMPIRE] Not everyone can take you, or wants to. You learned a long time ago that it doesn’t have to stop you from partying. You put every shred of effort and skill into getting your partners off even if they don’t want it.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Getting half your dick wet counts.
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] Lieutenant Kitsuragi is thinking about parking it.
- “You don’t have to try to park it.”
- “Sorry it’s like that. Can I just go back to sucking you off instead?”
- “Do you think you’re a bad enough boiadero to ride me, Kitsuragi?” [Electrochemistry, Heroic]
- “Pretty crazy, right? I didn’t know it was that big until just now.”
He lets out a puff of breath, of the type that you know to be one of his stand-ins for incredulous laughter.
“You forgot that you were hung?”
[AUTHORITY] He already knew.
[SAVOIR FAIRE] The tight pants. I told you we don’t need to make a big deal of it.
- “You don’t have to try to park it.”
- “Sorry it’s like that. Can I just go back to sucking you off instead?”
- “Do you think you’re a bad enough boiadero to ride me, Kitsuragi?” [Electrochemistry, Heroic]
His forehead wrinkles the way it does when he wants to accuse you of reading his mind.
“Of course I don’t have to. But…”
[INTERFACING] What next, are you going to tell him he doesn’t need to back in? Doesn’t need to open it up? Doesn’t need wheels that spin? Get a grip.
- “Sorry it’s like that. Can I just go back to sucking you off instead?”
- “Do you think you’re a bad enough boiadero to ride me, Kitsuragi?” [Electrochemistry, Heroic]
- Sometimes I wish I could come up with something to say that wasn’t pathetic or deranged.
[VOLITION] Sometimes you can.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] You know you wanna say it.
- “Sorry it’s like that. Can I just go back to sucking you off instead?”
- “Do you think you’re a bad enough boiadero to ride me, Kitsuragi?” [Electrochemistry, Heroic]
[SUCCESS] It’s the finger guns that make it work. The finger guns probably are what got him to come over tonight, too. Kim smiles his non-smile and shakes his head.
“Mixing metaphors, detective. Are you heavy machinery or livestock?”
[CONCEPTUALIZATION] Synthesis.
- “Mechanical bull? If you mount me, I will definitely try to get you off.”
- “I like the idea of you in leather pants.”
- “You can handle my levers any time.”
- “I’ll be whatever you want.”
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] Barely a laugh. His stoic bullshit is so fucking hot. Like he wasn’t about to lose it down your throat a couple minutes ago.
“Maybe not tonight.”
[EMPATHY] But he’d like to try. He’s thinking about working up to it.
[REACTION SPEED] Does he know you eat ass yet? He needs to know.
- “Did I mention I also eat ass?”
- “Do you want to fuck me instead?”
- “Can I please go back to sucking your cock? I really like it.”
“Given your aptitude for fellatio, this is not surprising. I ‘eat ass’ as well. Though I prefer a shower first.”
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] He’s seen you throw yourself bodily into enough filth that he does not need you to tell him you don’t care if he hasn’t showered.
- “Do you want to fuck me instead?”
- “Can I please go back to sucking your cock? I really like it.”
He gives you a look, directly in the eyes.
[PERCEPTION: SIGHT] There is a little sweat on his brow.
“I would really like to. If that is an option tonight.”
His voice gets thick, rolling on the r sound. It's not a tone you've never heard from him, but not one you hear much. Worth giving that some thought later.
[DRAMA] In this tone, and in this admission: Truth he has held onto for a while. Dangerous truth.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] He wants to fuck you so bad it makes him stupid.
[EMPATHY] He does worry about that, his feelings making him sloppy. What about his duty to this city, if he’s thinking about you instead of the case? What happens to him if the worst happens to you because he was looking the wrong place?
- Holy shit. So it’s not just the pathetic lonely codependent middle-aged cops thing? It’s a for real thing thing? For how long?
- Why would fucking me not be an option tonight?
[EMPATHY] Inconclusive.
[VOLITION] Remember your sunk Coupris 40 in the ice? The one you walked by a dozen times? The one you had to watch the sun set over before you could see it? You've been refusing to see this about him because of the stakes. It’s been more than that for you, too. Ignored that also.
- The stakes?
- Why would fucking me not be an option tonight?
[HALF LIGHT] THE FEAR.
[LOGIC] Your career. Your tentative hold on reality. Your partnership. His career. His reputation. The RCM, and society as a whole, would not be capable of supporting actual faggot cops. If you were very very lucky and everyone was very very good, you could maybe be an open secret, within your unit and to Pryce. But it's risky. More than the other shit, this is the kind of thing that makes you seem vulnerable to blackmail. Seeming vulnerable is enough to be a problem. Plus you are emotionally radioactive.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] I'm going to focus us on the sexy forbidden part of this so your dick doesn't go soft, again, in front of a man who just said he really wants to fuck you. In fact, you’re harder now. Don't say I never did nothing for you, Harry boy.
- Why would fucking me not be an option tonight?
[LOGIC] He’d be fucking you in the ass. You offered to let him fuck you in the ass. It’s not like pussy, which is for fucking like 99% of the time.
[RHETORIC] Not happy about that assessment of pussy, but at least you didn’t say it out loud.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] Contrary to popular belief, anal sex does not require preparation or planning, if participants are willing to accept some risk of mess and discomfort. You are infamously not risk-averse. Or mess-averse.
[ENDURANCE] Nothing currently chambered. You shit on the clock in the afternoons, after all the coffee and lunch have moved things along. Your last dump was even pretty normal, solid but not a rock or anything, came out without you bearing down too hard. Nothing going wrong with your asshole right now either, which wasn’t guaranteed for a man your age with your diet.
[PAIN THRESHOLD] You can take him. No problem.
[REACTION SPEED] You’re doing it again, just sitting there thinking like a moron. He’s waiting.
- “It’s definitely an option.”
- “I would really like you to.”
- “Please please please fuck me.”
- “Wreck me, Kim.”
- “I might be dying from how much I want you to fuck me.”
- “I think it would fix me, on some fundamental level, if you did.”
This seems to initiate something in him. He kisses you again, not very gracefully, then stops and rifles through your bedside drawer, then kisses you some more, then practically runs to the bathroom.
[PERCEPTION: HEARING] The medicine cabinet, then the cupboard under the sink, then the drawers.
He comes back with a big tube of petroleum jelly you didn’t know you had.
“I was starting to worry we would need to get creative.” Then he’s kissing you again, but interrupting himself constantly: to push you back on the bed, then to put himself between your thighs, then to grab and lift your ass and stuff a pillow under it, then apparently just to look at you and stroke you and squeeze your chest and your thighs and your hips. You’re panting like an animal and leaking precome onto your gut.
[INLAND EMPIRE] You recognize this. He’s a little bit insane.
- “Kim, did you know you’re a little bit insane?”
- “Fuck me already, you’re killing me.” (Suggestion, Challenging)
- Position’s awkward and he hasn’t even opened the petroleum jelly, but you might be able to just put him in if you use your legs to corral him. (Physical Instrument, Formidable)
“Yes,” he says, finally dispensing petroleum jelly onto his fingertips. “Maybe. Maybe more than a little bit.” His voice is still like that, like that really. You pucker for a second when his fingers first touch your asshole, but you make yourself relax. It’s easier than you would have guessed, if you had let yourself think about it before.
[PAIN THRESHOLD] You have definitely done this before. He’s being too careful.
- “Thank fuck. Thank fuck you’re not too sane to fuck me.”
- “For the love of god, Lieutenant, I’ve definitely got mileage, just slam it in.” (Authority, Formidable)
- “Fuck me already, you’re killing me.” (Suggestion, Medium)
- Snatch the lube from him and speed this up. (Reaction Speed, Challenging)
“Thank fuck,” he echoes, and pushes his fingers into you. He pulls them out, then back in, his mouth a little open.
[CONCEPTUALIZATION] Your body is on fire and he is on fire and all of Revachol is on fire.
[PAIN THRESHOLD] It’s all unnecessary, he could run a Franconigerian steam train through you if he wanted and you’d whimper like a dog.
- Go ahead and whimper like a dog, on principle.
- “For the love of god, Lieutenant, I’ve definitely got mileage, just slam it in.” (Authority, Formidable)
- “Fuck me already, you’re killing me.” (Suggestion, Trivial)
He pulls his fingers out of you not gently, mumbles a little “Sorry” at your grunt, and then it’s more lube on his hand and a couple strokes to apply it to his dick, and then he’s lining up and driving it in, all the way in, in one go.
[COMPOSURE: SUCCESS] You grab him and pull him down on top of you and make a terrible broken sobbing noise into his shoulder.
- That’s what success looks like?
[COMPOSURE] You didn’t come all over yourself and you’re only sorta crying. This whole Kim-fucking-you thing is kind of a big deal for you, you’ve been holding a candle for this guy maybe as long as you can remember, you don’t even know. You need to manage your expectations.
Kim, meanwhile, is shivering a little under your hands. Or trembling, maybe. He hasn’t started really thrusting, but he’s doing a thing with his hips.
[EMPATHY] The whole him-fucking-you thing is a big deal for him too. Your ridiculous fat cock is wedged between you, and it feels about a million degrees centigrade against his stomach, and he thinks it’s the most arousing thing that could ever possibly be, being inside you like this after you throated him like you did and then practically begged for his cock, and something weird is happening to him emotionally, something growing enormous and scary in his ribcage. This is not how fucking usually goes for him. He doesn’t do it often, but he’s usually considerate and in control. The thing he can feel crushing his lungs is making him crazy.
[AUTHORITY] He needs encouragement.
- “Give it me, Kim. I need it.” [Electrochemistry, Medium]
- “Don’t be careful.” [Pain Threshold, Medium]
- “That’s right, go on. Take what you need.” [Authority, Challenging]
- “I feel it too. Wanted you so bad.” [Empathy, Challenging]
- All that sounds difficult, just do sexy noises. [Savoir Faire, Trivial]
[SUCCESS] You manage to produce the words, just audibly, coherently enough. Nine syllables feels like a lot right now, but you did it.
[PERCEPTION: FAILURE] You catch “Harry,” but not the rest of what he says.
[ENCYCLOPEDIA] People are better at hearing their own name than other things. Even you.
[ESPIRIT DE CORPS] He’s worse than you at this kind of thing, the saying part. No practice. It’s just not done.
He is now fucking you in earnest, though still obviously feeling overwhelmed by the experience.
[INLAND EMPIRE] You are also overwhelmed. For all that your flesh knows how to do this, your fragile psyche is working exceptionally hard to process it. You should have known you’d be a sloppy romantic lay, from all the signs.
- “Kim, I think I’m in love with you.”
- “Kim, I think I’m having a heart attack.”
- “Kim, I think I’m doing an ego death again.”
- Everything you’ve said so far is too much already. Just be fucked.
You lay off the choices for a while. You are silence and sensation and adoration, without semiotics, unreflected upon. You, plural, the two of you, you are a star falling into itself, an incomprehensible darkness and its light. You’re sweaty, grunting, and at least one of you is crying. The sheets are going to be gross. Both of you have a hand on your dick, fingers overlapping sloppily, movement in erratic unison.
[PAIN THRESHOLD: SUCCESS] There’s some violence in how he’s committing himself to every stroke in you, and you receive it with joy.
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY] This is it.
[EMPATHY] He’s going to
[ENDURANCE] So are you
[VOLITION] AFTER DEATH, LIFE AGAIN. AFTER THE PALE, THE WORLD AGAIN.