Chapter Text
She's trying to chart when Dennis sits next to her.
"Hey, so I have...a question." He says nervously. Not that nervousness was anything new with Dennis. Or anyone here. Being in a busy ER didn't exactly bring anyone a sense of calm aside from maybe Abbot.
Trinity sighs and sets her pen down. Robby told her to just do them after work but Al Hashimi was always hovering. "Jesus fuck." She grits out and then immediately regrets it when Dennis frowns. God, he was like someone's sad, stray puppy on the side of the road. "Okay fine Huckleberry. This charting has me all over the fucking place. Just spit it out."
Dennis shrinks more into himself, "It's something Robby said. He offered to let me stay at his place while he was on that sabbatical."
Her head snaps up. "What? Why you?"
He shrugs dramatically. "Hell if I know. But that's kinda weird right? I mean it's nice but like, do I just seem that poor?" The end is said in a dramatic whisper.
Trinity whispers back, "A little bit. But in all seriousness, that is a bit odd. Maybe he feels bad for you."
It was still...weird. Dr. Robby was a very nice man, attentive and great at his job but he didn't seem like the type to let a med student lounge around his house for three months. There was something about today that made him seem a bit more tense but it was probably just an eagerness to leave the Pitt behind for a time.
Look, Trinity adored her job but it would be nice to have three months off with more money that she knew what to do with. Or even two days in her house while her and Dennis watch Abbott Elementary.
" Do you think that he would.... retire? Live in Alberta maybe? " Dennis scoots closer to her, eyes wide.
Something sharp jabs at her ribs. "I think he loves this place too much. Why?"
"Yeah," Dennis chews on his lower lip thoughtfully before continuing. "It was just something he said. A joke maybe. He told me that if he didn't come back, I could keep the house."
The sharpness turns to a piercing thrum, splitting muscle and tendon. "If he didn't come back?"
Dennis cocks his head a bit to really look at her. "Yeah. I don't know, something feels so weird about that. I think he may be retiring."
Why not just say that? Trinity chokes down a wave of nausea.
Abby✨:
Hey just wanted to let you know that I can't come into practice today. I'm not feeling super well :(
Seen
Trin:
Oh shit, okay. Hope you feel better. I'll miss you.
Delivered
It's not the same.
It wasn't.
Robby wasn't Abigail.
That did nothing to make her stomach settle though. " You know what? I think I'm gonna go check up on some of my patients. Fuck these charts." Trinity gets up on numb legs, ignoring the complaints from Dennis.
Thankfully, he doesn't follow her but she finds herself wandering a bit aimlessly until she smacks into Langdon. " Ow, what the fuck?"
"Watch where you're-" Langdon grunts, rubbing his chest before he finally seems to realize who he's talking to. "Oh. Santos."
"Um." She doesn't hate the man persay, even if he had screamed at her. No, it was more the unbelievably awkwardness of sticking her nose where it didn't belong and sending him to rehab. " Sorry? "
Langdon squints down at her, " It's fine. Wasn't watching where I was going, that's all."
"Heh," she rubs her suddenly itching palms on her thighs. "Yeah me neither."
For a moment, there was nothing but the yawning hole of silence between them. They weren't friends. Trinity is fairly certain that the man hates her guts. Still, he makes no attempt to yell at her.
"Gotta g-"
"Do you think that Robby is acting off today?" She blurts out and then curses herself for it. Langdon gives her a bewildered look.
"I- well, he hates my guts but...I don't know. Why?"
She tries to come off a bit more nonchalant and pops a hip out to rest her hand. "You've just known him longer. I know you guys aren't exactly on the best terms but..."
He nods, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. "Yeah I guess so. He's a lot calmer than I expected. He wasn't in a great place when I left but who was? He seems to be in a pretty good mood all things considered."
That did nothing to appease her unease. "Right. Okay well, sorry that you're stuck in triage." Trinity murmurs.
"Maybe it's for the best." He says, face unreadable. He steps away from her. " You're doing pretty good out there."
He doesn't look back at her when he walks away.
Trinity draws in a deep breath and keeps walking.
Eventually, she finds herself in the ambulance bay. It's stifling and she can already feel the sweat drip down her spine. She hates summer, the bikinis, the shorts. There was a time where she had adored it.
Before it had been taken away from her. It had been a slow realization too. That the cuts on her thighs didn't allow for anything shorter than above the knee. That and Abigail.
She had died on a Monday. It was June not July though Trinity grieved all the same. Summer was for pretty untouched girls with smooth legs that liked it when boys looked. It was not for the grieving ones that had blades in their phone case and a crush on their best friend.
Summer was beautiful and alive. All Trinity could think about was Abigail, who was certainly beautiful but dead all the same.
The quiet almost lures her into something before she realizes that she wasn't alone.
There stands Robby.
Today, he had been smiling and joking. It reached his eyes and he seemed confident. Now he stands like a statue, back rigid and eyes glassy. He was somewhere very far away.
He didn't even seem to notice her.
"Dr. Robby?" Trinity asks. She watches as his face folds into something brighter. His mouth twitches up and his eyebrows draw back. It was a little jarring. Like watching the mask slide into place. "Can I talk to you?"
Exhaustion bleeds through but it gets wiped away just as fast. "Sure. Of course."
She inches closer. Close enough that for the first time, she gets a good look at his arms where his scrubs are rolled up. Among the dark hair and pale skin are even paler marks. Lines across his forearms.
It's not noticeable to anyone unless they were looking for it. Or if they knew what to see.
Her own thighs burn in phantom empathy. Trinity knows what made those marks because she's held those razors too.
Finally, he looks at her, really looks at her. The smile slips from his face and his eyes shutter downward to his arms.
Trinity tears her own gaze away, unwilling to make a spectacle out of it. She wasn't those girls at the pool who gasped and taunted Trinity when her legs were "on display".
"Are you planning on actually coming back from this trip?" She asks bluntly. A small, sour part of her crows good girls don't ask that.
Trin:
Hey coach told me that you haven't responded to her texts. You need to or she's gonna get pissy lol
Delivered
Robby's throat works until he gets out a, "why?"
The mask slips further as he hunches over, arms crossed.
"Dennis is worried about you. About you retiring." Trinity digs her nails into her palm, relishing the bite of it. "Are you?"
"He's worried?" Robby seems hung up on that fact.
"About you. Something you said about not coming back." The sting worsens but she bites them down harder anyway.
Robby shrugs half assedly, "It was just a joke. He doesn't need to worry about me."
Trinity's mouth is horribly dry. "You never answered my question."
He rubs the back of his neck, whale eyed like a guilty dog. "And what question was that?"
"Are you planning on coming back from this sabbatical?" Trinity stands up further. She knows this game better than he does.
Robby bares his teeth in a cheap imitation of a smile, "Maybe. I don't know."
"Not a great answer Robinavitch." Trinity cam embarrassingly feel the prickle of tears behind her eyes. "Where are you going?"
They regard each other for what feels close to forever. Forever as a concept doesn't exist for Trinity, not even when she was a good ole Christian girl. Forever was for believers and people who were too young to think about the finality of life. Trinity could not afford to think in forever. But now, standing here under the July sun, she could fathom it.
"Alberta." He says softly.
"You know, I had this friend. Best friend. Loved her to pieces. We grew up with each other, hell even our parents were childhood friends." Trinity blinks down at the worn pavement beneath her sneakers. "Abigail. Or Abby whatever. She was the smartest person I knew, wanted to be a doctor. She used to say that we would end up at the same hospital during our residency."
Her half laugh makes Robby's mouth twitch.
"Anyways. We were on the same gymnastics team. We were good, like end up at the Olympics good. There was this doctor for the team, you know helped sprained ankles and shit. He was great until he wasn't. I didn't tell anyone not even Abby when he started- you know." Trinity gestures and Robby looks pale.
A bird calls out somewhere, the traffic is just a gentle thrum in the background. " I didn't tell her. Then one day she asked me about him. I told her- I told her that anyone who accuses men of those things were whores. Three days later, it's like the conversation never even happened. She was cracking jokes and giggling, lit up like a fucking Christmas tree." Trinity swallows past the boulder in her throat.
" Then the day after...she called in sick to practice. I didn't even think anything of it until our coach tried to text and call, I don't even remember what it was about but, I never noticed. Even then. She never called in sick, ever. She loved gymnastics. Always on time, always the first one to do a new skill."
There's a single cigarette butt on the ground near the tip of Trinity's sneaker. " Anyways, she ended up shooting herself in her bathroom."
" I'm very sorry to hear that." Robby isn't looking at her but his hands where they're clamped on his scrubs, tremble.
"Yeah turns out the medic had more victims than just me. Whatever, the point I'm trying to make is that if you're thinking about it, at all. Just fucking talk to someone. To- to Dana or Abbot!"
Robby turns so she can't see his face.
"Robby, I don't know if I'm right and I may be over reacting or- or reading into this. But I don't think so." God, she's begging. When was the last time she begged a man for anything? "People will miss you Robby."
Trinity:
Momma it's Abby
Seen
Mom!!:
What?
Seen
Trinity:
Mom she shot herself. I'm at the hospital rn
Seen
Mom!!:
Oh my God is she okay?
Seen
Trinity:
I think she's dead
Seen
Robby shakes his head, back still turned. "You're a good doctor Santos. You'll turn out just fine."
The non answer is enough of one that she finds herself blinking back tears. " Abby was going to be a good doctor."
And with that, she heads back inside.
Abbot is still standing around despite him being scheduled for tonight, he's standing at the desk to presumably bother Dana.
" Uh Dana? I need to talk to you."
The older woman tears her eyes away from the board. "What about?"
Trinity gulps in air, "it's about Robby."
Abbot's head snaps up, "What about him?"
"This sabbatical. I don't have a good feeling about it." Trinity attempts to suppress the waver in her own voice.
Dana and Abbot glance at each other, " Okay sweetheart let's go somewhere quiet." Dana whispers, guiding her away before tossing Abbot a look over her shoulder. " Call Caleb. Right now."