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Kay was about to get Mr. Edgeworth to finance yet another delicious treat. (Granted, he didn't exactly finance the swiss roll, that was Gummy, but the point still stood!) The Great Thief Yatagarasu did the great work her title implied, but with great responsibility came with great hunger. And, since the hostage was released, they could totally afford to take a little break, right?
When she suggested it, the prosecutor huffed. "Kay, we do not have time to be dillydallying! Lives are at stake, kidnappers are at large, a murderer is on the loose, and that Interpol agent is threatening our investigation at every turn! We do not have the time to wa-"
His eyes flickered to a passerby holding a Pink Badger Bow Parfait, an almost pouty frown appearing as he glanced. Kay couldn't help but giggle. The big bad prosecutor was hungry, was he? She could practically hear the comically timed stomach rumble.
She swiftly started dragging him to the nearest food stall. "Exactly, Mr. Edgeworth! We don't have the time to waste, the line for the Badger Pretzels will get too long! What if they sell out?"
He made that funny grunting-wincing noise again. "Ngooh-! K-Kay! I told you, there's no time for such things! The kidnappers' hideout; Agent Lang broke the door down, we need to investigate it ourselves!"
As much as he whined and squirmed, he didn't seem to be trying very hard to make a break for it as they took their place in line. "We can't investigate on an empty stomach!" Kay exclaimed. "Sugar helps the brain work, you know!" That's what Uncle Badd had always told her, when she asked why he was always sucking on lollipops during investigations. According to her father's diary, the real reason was that it was a habit he'd picked up when he quit smoking, but that didn't mean it wasn't a good excuse to make the prosecutor get her some treats!
"…I suppose it is true I've not eaten anything in quite some time," Edgeworth mumbled to himself. "And you are currently my responsibility, Kay. It would be irresponsible to not feed a child in my care."
"It would be! I'm not a child, though; I'm a Kay!"
Edgeworth scoffed. "So you don't want your pretzel after all, I see."
They came to the front of the line, and Kay shoved Edgeworth up to the counter with a huff. "Fine, whatever. I'm a child, a dumb little baby. Waa waa. Get me a slushie too?"
"Which… which slushie?" Edgeworth glared up at the menu. "It appears they have blue and pink, though I know not what flavors those are."
"Blue Badgerberry and Star-berry Badgerade!" Kay read off eagerly. "Geez, can't you read?"
Recoiling a bit, the prosecutor glared down at her in turn. "Unless you want to pay for your own snack with theme park pricing, I expect a bit of politeness."
Twelve bucks for a slushie and pretzel? No thank you! Kay could suck it up with those prices. "Okaaaay, sorry! I will never question your literacy again, o walleted one. And I want Blue Badgerberry!"
"Very well then." Edgeworth turned to the exausted looking woman at the stand. "We shall have two pretzels, the, erm, 'Blue Badgerberry' slushie, and one of those parfaits."
"Did you want the Pink Badger Bow Parfait, the Bad Badger Sunglasses Parfait, or the Super Deluxe Badger Family Sparkletastic Parfait?" asked the cashier in the most exhausted tone imaginable.
His eyes flitted up to the menu where they lingered on the huge Super Deluxe Badger Family Sparkletastic Parfait for a moment too long before he cleared his throat. "Ah, th-the… pink one. Please."
"Two Badger Pretzels, one Blue Badgerberry Slushie, and one Pink Badger Bow Parfait. Will that be all?" The cashier seemed to get some sadistic pleasure in repeating the silly names back to such a serious guy.
"…yes. That will be all."
Kay huffed. He was denying himself the arcane pleasure of an oversized treat! "No! Say it Edgeworth. Say what you want."
Edgeworth's eyes bugged out and he almost choked. "E-excuse me?"
"I saw you looking at the Super Deluxe Badger Family Sparkletastic Parfait! Come oooon, just get what you actually want! Don't be a weenie!"
"Nngh-?!" He coughed on his own words. "N-no. It… would be impractical to walk around the park with such a large dessert."
A stupid point when it came to not getting a fancy tasty treat! "Come on, there's picnic tables over there! All you have to lose is your chains!"
The cashier sighed while Edgeworth stood frozen in indecision. "You're holding up the line, sir. Do you want to upgrade to a Super Deluxe Badger Family Sparkletastic Parfait or not?"
"F-fine. I shall instead get an… ah… S-Super… Deluxe… Badger Family… Sp-Sparkle…tastic… Parfait." By the time he finished saying the name, he was glaring at the ground with a bright red face.
"That'll be $39.37, sir."
"And two bottles of water!" Kay hastily added.
The cashier glared at them. "$48.11, sir."
"Ridiculous… What kind of absurdity…" Edgeworth mumbled to himself, pulling out his wallet and slamming a fifty on the counter. Wow, that wallet looked snatchable. Maybe later, he was being robbed by theme park prices right now!
He was all scowls until the giant parfait came out. "Whoa-!" Kay grabbed a spoon for herself as sneakily as she could. She'd definitely have to steal a few bites for herself! It was so huge he would never notice, with a bunch of Badger-shaped cookies stuck in the top! She'd definitely have to snatch one of those especially…
"…Kay. You have your own food," Edgeworth said with a huff. "If you wanted a parfait, you should have gotten your own."
"Whaaat? Noooo, no way! I don't need your fancy-schmancy parfait, I just need my delicious slushie!" She took a big suck from it. "Mm! Tastes like chemicals!"
"Precisely why I did not get it. Not even at your age did I enjoy pure artificial sugar," said the hypocrite who was eagerly digging into the biggest parfait Kay had ever seen. "It leaves such a bitter aftertaste, not to mention dyes your mouth."
"The blue tongue is the best part!" Kay stuck her tongue out, now as brilliantly blue as a skink's. "You really are no fun."
Edgeworth eating the cigar cookie stuck into the parfait in small, delicate bites did nothing to counter her claim, but he still huffed. "Once again, I bought you snacks during a murder investigation. I doubt Agent Lang did that for his men— certainly even Interpol couldn't afford that with how many are in his employ."
"Mm… he probably just takes them out to eat later. Wow, I bet restaurants would hate to see them coming! A whole wolf pack of hungry guys…" She tore one of the horns off her pretzel with her teeth. Tasted kinda cheap, but still delicious! "…are there even restaurants that could seat that many guys? They probably have to get like. Catering."
"My usual Detective just brings packed lunches," Edgeworth explained. "I assume that's the norm for all the officers in this precinct. Even selling boxed lunches is quite the money maker, from what I've seen."
Kay remembered Uncle Badd always packed lunches for himself and her daddy, the same cute kind he'd make her for school. Carrots cut into stars, weenies cut into octopi, rice balls shaped into hearts… She always wondered why he'd make it all cutesy and figured it was just because he found the idea funny, of taking something like that to their scary, serious work. Maybe it was that. It was hard to ask him now that he didn't seem to even bother eating for himself.
Ugh! No thinking about that right now, she needed to focus on the task at hand: delicious pretzel time! Another delicious horn torn off like a wild animal. No wonder Lang got into the weird wolf thing, it was fun! "What about you?" Kay asked. "Do you like, have a manservant who brings you caviar on the job or something?"
Edgeworth made a strange little noise that she could swear was a snort of laughter, though it was hard to tell as he hid behind his parfait and covered it up with a cough. "A-ah, well… Gumshoe usually makes sure I've put a granola bar or something in my bag. It's hard to remember to eat when I'm focused on a case, to be honest."
She elbowed him. Maybe he had more in common with Uncle Badd than just the sweet tooth and death glare. "See? Having a Kay is good for your health."
Choking down a particularly big spoon of parfait, Edgeworth scoffed. "I would hardly say this is eating healthily…"
"Nonsense! Look, all the major food groups! Dairy, grains, fruit…" She squinted at the towering parfait to try and discern anything that could be defined as vegetables or protein. "Uh. Chocolate! Water! You know, just get a Badger Baton Dog and you're all set!"
He winced at the very words. "Eugh, goodness, no. I cannot stand hot dogs. The texture of them disgusts me." He looked back towards the menu at the food stall. Kay took the opportunity to swipe one of the cookies from the parfait. Crispy on top, soggy on the bottom; perfect! "Goodness, how big are those things? It looks like it must be a foot long."
Kay gasped dramatically. "No weenies? Not even a delicious giant corn dog?"
"Battering the thing does not change its inherent properties, at least not the ones that offput me. If anything, robs the hot dog of any redeeming qualities by rendering it pale and limp in the cooking process!"
"Ewwwww, when you say it like that… now I'm grossed out!"
Edgeworth looked all too pleased with himself for ruining delicious corn dogs for an innocent Kay, but his smugness was interrupted by his phone ringing. He pulled it from a pocket and his eyes lit up when he saw the caller ID. Quickly, he stood up. "Just a moment, Kay. I need to take this. It should only be a moment."
He started walking away before turning back. "And do not eat my parfait while I'm gone!"
Kay gave him a little salute, and then the second his back was turned, her spoon was shoveling through the parfait. The ice cream was bog-standard vanilla soft serve, and the strawberries definitely frozen, but it was delicious! But, just as she started taking bites, Edgeworth seemed to think better of leaving his treat unattended and snatched it from her grasps with a glare.
Ugh, that wasn't fair! Oh well, 'twas a job for the Great Parthief Yatagarasu! Into the bushes she dove, ignoring the passerbys staring, right where she could hear Edgeworth and oggle the parfait he was holding awkwardly. "…apologies for the noise. There's not a good place to take a call here."
She couldn't hear the other line, but she could see the thin line Edgeworth's mouth collapsed into with whatever he was asked. "Oh, it went. Ah. How do I put this. Very… poorly."
Another pause as whoever it was talked, and Edgeworth shook his head. "No, no, nothing so… macabre. Well, nearly that macabre— there is a dead body, but it seems to have been one of the kidnappers."
Ooh, so he was talking about the case! She tried harder to listen in, but all she caught was a faint hint of a voice over the hectic noise of the hustle and bustle. Something like "…always… murder…" or the like.
Another sigh from the pro-sigh-cutor. His eyes drifted back towards the Wild West area, where their investigation was to continue. "…we are working on that. Though, my assistant has forced us to take a break."
As he bristled a little and listened, Kay swiped another spoonful of delicious parfait. She would have gone for more, but the person on the other line seemingly made him recoil. "Excuse me!? You're where!?" His voice suddenly shot up several octaves.
Kay swore she heard "photo rally" from the other line, and Edgeworth reacted even worse to that than he did to her talking about it. His face was pale, and he whipped around. Kay had to duck into the bushes further to evade detection. "You should get out of there, right away!" he told the other person.
A tight frown spread across his face as they kept talking. He was in parfait-swiping distance again, so Kay stole a few more bites. "Yes, they are quite overpr-" He chose that moment to look back at where Kay was supposed to be, and his eyes fell upon her super secret hiding place instead. She'd been caught red-handed. Well, parfait-handed. He snatched it away from her spoon violently. "Kay! Get your hands off my parfait!"
"Aww, phooey!" Kay pouted, taking a big sugary sip of slushie to make her tongue extra blue when she stuck it out at him. "And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling prosecutor!"
Edgeworth sighed deeply, turning his attention back to the phone. "Never mind that. You'll never believe this, but… we are at Gatewater Land. That's where all this nonsense is taking place. Hence why I think you should leave; I do not want you all caught up in this, especially not with the awful luck the three of you have."
He paused for a moment, and Kay could swear she heard him suppressing a little chuckle. "You- you are well aware of what I meant, Wright! Just, leave before one of you gets accused of being the killer. They've already decided Officer Meekins is a suspect."
Ooh, a name! She nibbled on her pretzel. Wright, was this Wright guy his husband? Definitely couldn't be his wife, and it sounded like he had kids with him or something. Was Edgeworth old enough to have kids of theme park age? Probably, but maybe he got an older guy who already had kids. Ooh, she had to meet him if he was here! She wanted to see the guy who this dork was with, and these kids if they did exist!
Whatever their relationship was, it was clear he got heated over them, as he kept talking with a furrowed brow. Well, at least more furrowed a brow than usual. "A murderer is on the loose, Wright! Don't be so daft! I- stop laughing! Are you taking the safety of yourself and the Feys so lightly?"
Kay tried to grab another parfait bite, but Edgeworth had gotten vigilant and swerved it away from her as he listened. "River- the moat? Why-?" He paused for a moment more, letting Wright talk more before interjecting. "The bridge! You are by the entrance, simply dock the boat and get out!"
"Fine," he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Where are you right now? I want to see to it that you make it out safely. I've not been given permission to evacuate this place, and I do not want to cause any needless chaos, but I do not want harm to befall you three, especially with your track records."
Another pause, and he sighed. "I shall meet you at the bridge, then. Farewell for the moment."
He hung up the phone and went to grab his own pretzel off the unattended picnic table, as well as his and Kay's waters. "Come along, Kay. We have a… diversion to attend to."
Happily, she skipped along behind him and to his side. "Ooh, a sidequest? To rescue your husband?"
Apparently he'd chosen to take a drink of water as soon as she'd said that, because he was soon choking on it. She awkwardly patted his back as he coughed into his hand. "S-sorry, ah… Wh-where in the world did you get that idea?"
"Well, you got all excited when you saw them calling—"
More Edgeworth noises ensued. "Ngooh- ghhh… I- I did no such thing! Regardless, it was simply a friend calling. A friend who seems to travel with a cloud of ill fortune over his head, at that. And why did you assume husband, most would assume wife or girlfriend, or just say partner if uncertain."
Kay just looked at the guy. Frilly neck thing, brightly colored suit, smelled like fancy soap… "Because you're the gayest gay to have ever gayed. Obviously."
Recoiling, Edgeworth's face contorted all sorts of ways Kay didn't know faces could move. "That is a stereotype, Kay! My manner of dress and demeanor have no baring upon the company I keep."
"Well, was I right? I'm trying to hone my gaydar." Clearly it needed it; she hadn't realized her dad and Uncle Badd weren't just friends until reading her father's diary. Her entire childhood, he'd just never mentioned that Uncle Badd was basically Stepdad Badd. Her Stepbadd, even. And she just never questioned it! She just assumed normal detectives kissed the cheeks of their prosecutors. For all she knew, they did, and Gummy kissed Mr. Edgeworth goodbye too, even if she hadn't seen it!
"That is a very inappropriate question for an assistant to ask, Kay," Edgeworth stated flatly, taking a bite of parfait. "My sexuality is none of your concern." He paused for another bite. "But dear sweet Ami, I wish it was more obvious to… certain people."
To that old hag, she assumed. She might be the queen of not taking a hint! The Grand Duchess of No Gaydar. If nothing else's her gaydar was way better than hers! She nodded thoughtfully before pausing. "Wait, who's Ami?"
Edgeworth blinked. "Ah… is that what I said? I've been spending far too much time with that girl…"
"Your stepdaughter!" Kay guessed. Miles looked at her in dull confusion. "Uh… sister in law!"
"As I said, I am not married. That girl is a… friend? Of the man we are… assisting."
Translation: it's complicated. Once they got to the park entrance, Edgeworth looked frantically over the bridge before spotting three people in a boat coming nearer. He rushed over to the edge and looked down at them, gripping the railing tight enough to turn his knuckles white. "Wright! Ms. Fey! Ms. Pearls!" He shouted over at the trio.
Kay looked over the edge much less dramatically. The girls were wearing weird purple and pink, traditional looking clothing, with their hair tied up all fancy, while the man had super spiky hair and was in a suit that was a bit too vivid a shade of blue. They all together did not at all look like they were dressed for a theme park. The man, probably Wright, waved up at Edgeworth and started rowing closer. In a moment of brilliant impulse, Kay took the last bit of her pretzel and threw it at the boating trio, smacking the man straight in the head.
"Ow!" He yelled up at the bridge. "What's the deal with that kid? What's your deal, kid?"
"I'm not a kid, I'm the Great Thief Yatagarasu, thief of truth and assistant of weird prosecutors!" Kay shouted back. "And look what a good shot I am, Mr. Edgeworth!"
"Kay, pretzels are not ammunition," Edgeworth scolded. Rude, not even acknowledging her perfect aim. "Ah, Wright, this is Kay. She has taken it upon herself to act as my assistant while Detective Gumshoe is indisposed."
The younger girl started yelling from the boat as Wright resumed rowing, her voice high pitched enough that it came out a shriek. Her head kind of looked like a pretzel. Edgeworth hadn't touched his yet, maybe Kay could sneak a bite. "Is Mr. Detective Gumshoe okay?"
"He's fine, he's just been assigned elsewhere for the moment," Edgeworth assured them. "There's this Interpol agent who's— hey!"
Drat! Foiled again! He caught Kay mid-bite at his pretzel and shoved her away. "If you had wanted more pretzel, you shouldn't have thrown the rest of yours at them!"
"But I was such a good shot!" Kay protested. "I hit a perfect bullseye on that spiky guy!"
"Why are we shouting from the bridge?" the older girl, whose hair was not at all pretzel-esque, shouted from the boat. "The dock is right over there!"
She pointed past the two of them, and Edgeworth and Kay both turned their attention to the other side of the bridge, where indeed, a dock was in view. Edgeworth physically recoiled. "Nrghk-! Ah, I… We shall meet you there."
Kay remembered the times she'd see her dad working, how cool and unflappable he'd seemed. All these years, she'd imagined Edgeworth was much the same. It was good to get a reminder that he was also a huge loser dork who didn't think and made silly noises. Now that she was here, she could remember how easily he'd been thrown off balance back then too, by that horrible fraud of a woman, by that fancy girl, and even Uncle Badd. The worst day of her life hadn't been all terrible after all, had it? She'd had some fun even then.
They met the boaters at the dock shortly, and Edgeworth helped the two girls out of the boat while Wright stumbled out on his own. "Jeez, Edgeworth, such a gentleman," Wright mumbled, eyes rolling.
"I did not want Pearls to fall," Edgeworth explained. Despite the plural, Kay assumed Pearls was one of the girls. They were both wearing big pearl-looking jewelry, so there was no telling which was which. "And Maya is wearing sandals, so she also seemed at risk." Dammit, both of the girls were wearing sandals, now she'd never be able to tell!
"Damn my choice of footwear," Wright deadpanned. "I'll go boating in flip flops next time so you'll be nice to me."
"Mister Nick, they're not flip flops, they're geta!" the tiny girl protested. Damn, up close, it was obvious she was super tiny. This kid definitely couldn't ride any rollercoasters, even if they measured her hair pretzel! Maybe she was Pearls because pearls were tiny. Oh, but the other girl was wearing more pearls. So confusing!
"So you're Nick Wright," Kay expertly deduced. "Nice to meet you!"
Nick grinned bashfully. "Actually, it's Phoenix. Phoenix Wright, defense attorney. I'm a friend of Edgeworth's here."
A "friend", sure. He offered a hand for Kay to shake, and she did so a little uneasily. The last defense attorney's hand she shook was the one that snuffed her father's life out. But, Edgeworth seemed to trust him, so he couldn't be all bad!
"I'm Maya, by the way," the older girl said, not shaking her hand but instead taking a sip of her slushie. "Yum! Tastes really blue!"
"Maya, what did we say about taking food from strangers?" Phoenix chided in a startlingly mom-like voice.
Kay just laughed. "I don't mind! And I'm not a stranger, I'm Kay!"
"And I'm Pearl," the tiny one added with a little bow. "Nice to meet you, Miss Kay!"
So there was the names cleared up. But wait… "Hey, he said Pearls, plural! Which is it? Are you Pearl or Pearls?"
"Oh, it's just Pearl, but I call her Pearls because she's so cute," Phoenix explained.
She was super adorable, but Kay saw an opportunity for a great bit and had to take it. "Aww, why don't I get to be Kays plural, then? I'm cute too!" Kay huffed.
"Miss Kays, then!" Pearls said decisively. "It's nice to meet you! Mister Nick said Mister Edgeworth said we had to go, but I hope we see you again sometime!"
Edgeworth gave a little scoffing laugh. "Making me the villain, Wright?" He was smiling a little, a rare Edgeworth sight. "Tsk, tsk. I'm simply trying to keep any of you from ending up behind bars."
Maya giggled a little. "Probably Nick this time! He's had it too good for too long."
"That is. Objectively not true," the Phoenix of many confusing names protested. "But, uh… Maybe they'll give us a partial refund if you tell customer service your very dear friends had to leave for murder investigation reasons?" He looked at Edgeworth with big eyes all aflutter and a little puppy dog pout.
Was Edgeworth… blushing? Surely not, but she'd so tease him about it later. "I do not think that would be ideal, but I would be glad to bring you all back sometime when there is not an ongoing investigation," he offered, refusing to meet Phoenix's fluttery gaze. "Or to somewhere less… dinky."
Phoenix smiled a little more sincerely at that. "I think it's kind of charming, y'know, in its own little way, but I wouldn't say no to somewhere else!"
"Can we go to the aquarium, Mr. Edgeworth?" Pearls asked. Her eyes were even bigger and flutterier than her… dad's? Older brother's? Uncle's? She wasn't sure how she and Phoenix were related.
"Of course, Ms. Pearls," Edgeworth told the little girl, who started hopping around in happiness. Maya, in turn, picked her up and put her on the grass so she wouldn't slip on the dock while doing so.
"And you're bringing your Kay too, right?" Kay butted in. "Right? Kays need fun aquarium time too!"
"I did not agree to this," Edgeworth said all huffily, but that wasn't a no!
"It's a date, then!" Phoenix gave a wink that definitely confirmed Kay's suspicions. "Y'know, just you, me, and the weird girls that follow us everywhere."
He dragged said weird girls off, while Edgeworth called back that he didn't agree to Kay. Oh well, she'd have to steal her way into their party! Speaking of stealing, his wallet was sticking out of his back pocket very conspicuously… All she had to do was… snatch!
It was pretty full of money, a wonder how no one else had stolen it yet today, but Kay's attention was instead grabbed by the photo that was displayed in the little clear window, of Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl making a sandcastle on a beach, all smiling as brightly as the sun causing an awful lens flare. With a pang of sadness, she was reminded of the picture she'd seen in her dad's old wallet, of the two of them and Uncle Badd at a picnic where Daddy had been teaching her how to make flower crowns.
But, before she could linger, Edgeworth turned back around and snatched his wallet back. "You- you- knock that off, Kay!"
He was the reddest Kay had ever seen a person. She let out a low whistle. "Wow, you're down bad!"
"S-silence! I am no such thing! A word of this to anyone and you will not be accompanying us to the aquarium, understood?"
Oh, she knew she was invited! "You got it, boss!"