Chapter Text
“My life…is over.”
Zen hits the send button and buries his face in the pillow, groaning as he listens for the notification sound of his text being successfully delivered into the chatroom. Immediately, the sounds of responding texts ring in his ears, but he allows himself to wallow in his self-pity before dragging the screen of his phone to his face.
Yoosung★: ??? What happened, Zen?
Yoosung★: Don’t tell me you’re about to complain about having no girlfriend again…
707: lol nah, I’ve got a hunch…
Yoosung★: A hunch?
707: This melodramatic air…this level of pure anguish…it’s gotta be about the one and only Jumin Han, right? lolololol
Zen groans even more loudly as he defeatedly selects his crying emoji and sends it into the chatroom.
707: lolololololol I knew it!! Defender of Justice 707’s hunches are never wrong.
Yoosung★: Oh no…care to explain, Zen?
Zen sits up in his bed and runs his hand through his hair, debating how to explain the situation. After a few moments, his fingers quickly skim across his phone screen.
ZEN: Do you guys know about that one TV show…“We Got Married”?
Yoosung★: Oh, yeah! It’s that one popular TV show where celebrities pretend to get married and live with each other for a while to see what married life would be like, right? What about it?
ZEN: Well…
707: O
707: M
707: G
Zen slaps a hand onto his face and curses Seven for catching on so quickly.
ZEN: Seven, shut up. Anyways, I met with the directors of the show a little while ago and they offered to have me appear on it. I haven’t agreed to doing it yet, but I asked my fans on Twitter to see who they would want me to “get married” to and…
Yoosung★: They…they said they wanted you to…get married to…Jumin?
Zen takes the opportunity to spam the chatroom with five crying emojis in a row.
707: THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT’S HAPPENED ALL WEEK
707: NAH, ALL YEAR!! LIFETIME!!
Yoosung★: Seven, omg;;;; Well, what are you going to do, Zen?
Zen sighs and flops onto his back, holding his cell phone above his face. What was he going to do? No way in hell he'd want to get married, even virtually, to Jumin Han, but there was also no way he could turn down the opportunity to be on such a wildly popular reality TV show. Not to mention how much his fans would want this…
The notification ping of a new message. Zen squints at his screen.
707: Wait wait wait Jumin’s gotta know about this ASAP. Let’s put the great 707’s power to work~
Yoosung★: Power? You mean you’re gonna call for him?
707: Yup! Watch this — JUMIN HAN!! MAKE YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN IF U WANNA GET MARRIED TO ZEN!!
Yoosung★: OMG…is it actually gonna work?
Zen can’t help but chuckle at Seven’s antics. Surely at this hour, that Jumin jerk would most certainly be enjoying some steak and wine or whatever rich people food he usually eats for dinner. There’s no way he’d be online —
Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.
Zen sits up so quickly he nearly flings his phone across the room. His heart starts to pound in embarrassment and anticipation. He knew Jumin would have seen these messages eventually but he had planned to leave the chatroom beforehand. No way this was happening right now, right here —
Jumin Han: Hmm.
“‘Hmm?’ That’s all he’s got to say, really?!” Zen hisses at his screen. “‘Hmm,’ my ass! How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?” He fiddles with a lock of his hair before punching in a reply.
ZEN: Well, if it isn’t the trust fund kid himself. What do you think? Absurd idea, isn’t it?
Jumin Han: …Not really. It’s actually a smart business move for the both of us.
Zen sputters, dropping his phone onto his face. Quickly picking it up and rubbing his lightly bruised nose, he simply stares at the screen. He actually thinks it’s a good idea?! What — just what the hell is wrong with this man?!
707: OMGOMGOMGOMG
Yoosung★: ‘OMGOMGOMGOMG’ SECONDED…Jumin, what are you thinking?!
707: Omg…Jumin, are you…are you maybe confirming those rumors??
Jumin Han: Actually, quite the opposite. This is the perfect opportunity for me to dispel those rumors and for Zen to gain more exposure and popularity. Like I said, this could be beneficial to both of us.
Zen continues to stare at his screen speechlessly, mouth hanging open in shock. He has absolutely no clue what goes on in that man’s head, but he can’t help but recognize that Jumin has a point…wait — no way was he considering “getting married” to Jumin Han of all people! Zen shakes his head and slaps his cheeks. Snap out of it!
ZEN: You have got to be kidding me. No way I would EVER want to get married to you!!
Jumin Han: You aren’t getting married to me, Zen. It’s a TV show. Not to mention, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your fans, would you?
Zen huffs, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. It’s true; he wants to do anything he can to please his fans, but this…
ZEN: Sure, I’d do anything for my fans but the whole show would be a disaster anyways! You know better than anyone else that we don’t get along in the slightest! There’s no way we could pretend to be married!
Jumin Han: You don’t know that.
Zen tosses his phone onto the space next to him on the mattress and throws his hands up in exasperation. Of course he knows it’d be a disaster! Since when have he and Jumin agreed on anything at all? Going on the show together would be a painful experience for Zen, for Jumin, for Zen’s fans, and most definitely it’d be utter hell for the film crew.
Ping!
Zen turns his head slowly to his phone. With a groan of defeat, he picks it up and his eyes travel down to the most recent message.
Jumin Han: How about before you decide to accept or decline the offer, we hold a rehearsal of sorts?
Zen frowns and tilts his head to the left, genuinely confused. A rehearsal? How?
As if answering Zen’s thoughts, another message pops into the chatroom.
Jumin Han: We can try pretending to be married for three days. You can decide at the end of it whether you can go through with it or not.
“What?!” Zen practically shrieks, so startled that his fingers hit the button to leave the chatroom. “He wants to — to pretend to be married?! That Jumin Han — what the hell is he thinking? There’s no way, there’s no way in hell…” Zen pants, out of breath from his ranting. His phone vibrates under his fingers.
“What now?!” He snatches up the phone. An incoming call from none other than Jumin Han himself.
Out of sheer agitation, Zen picks up the call right away. “What do you want?!” he yells into the phone.
“Quiet down, you’ll startle Elizabeth the 3rd.” God, he never shuts up about that damn fur ball.
“I don’t care. Look, you aren’t serious, are you?” Zen snaps at Jumin.
“I am. 6 PM tomorrow, at my place. Our 72 hours start then.”
Anguish bubbles in Zen’s voice. “No!! Going to your place is digging my damn grave! Your fur ball’s hair will be the death of me!”
A muffled sigh on Jumin’s end. “It's Elizabeth. Anyways, for her sake more than your own, I’ll make sure she’s in a separate room from you at all times. Unless you aggravate me, that is.”
“This is not going to work. And you know it.” Zen growls into the phone.
He hears Jumin shift. Zen can practically see the pretentious asshole crossing his legs in his stupidly expensive leather swivel chair.
“For your fans.”
Zen pauses and frowns. For…for his fans…he sighed. He’d feel awful if he didn’t at least try for the sake of his fans. He huffs and pushes his bangs back with one hand.
“Fine. Don’t blame me if your house is on fire or something by the end of this.”
“I will make a note to confiscate your lighter then. And install more fire extinguishers in the house.”
“Don’t you fucking dare touch my lighter. Also, do not have one of your drivers pick me up to go to your place tomorrow. I’ll get a cab to go there myself.” He’ll be damned if he ever has to get in one of Jumin’s cars.
“As you wish. Well then…” Zen swears he hears a low chuckle embedded in those words. “…I do.”
Zen blinks. “Huh? ‘I do’…what?”
“We are getting married, aren’t we? Now, isn’t it your turn to say ‘I do?’” This time, Zen can hear Jumin’s smirk through the phone.
“Shut. Up.”