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Gnawing Ache of Famished Shadows

Summary:

Herman corners Robert after work, having noticed how down Robert's been. There's discomfort and arguing, Herm scoops Robert up and takes care of him. Rob ends up age regressing and slipping into sub space and they get together

Notes:

Thanks to gangstabilbo for being such a thorough beta reader and helping fix this piece up!

Work Text:

Robert was no stranger to pain, and the dull ache of sitting at the dispatcher's chair day in and day out was nothing compared to the gouges and burns from his years of hero work. The only difference was the time he now had to think. Time to dwell and agonize over his decisions while he laid on the couch he was gifted, to regret getting a teammate hurt, or the deep pit in his stomach from failing to stop a tragedy. That's what pained him the most, even if he would never say so.

He could never share the information with the team. The team he felt he needed to be infallible for. Robert wasn't shy about giving orders and taking accountability, he was used to making quick decisions and owning up to mistakes. He’d had big shoes to fill after all. The shadow of his father's legacy was brutal. A starving birthright, taking from Robert even before he piloted the mech. Taking his father from him, and before that, twisting his father into a shadow, just as hungry and merciless.

And, in turn, Robert was starved as well. For affection, for validation, for rest, for comfort. Even for acceptance. He felt it, gnawing at him when he was alone at home. Beef helped, of course, probably the reason he hadn't jumped off his balcony just yet. That and, now, the team. He couldn't let them down. Couldn’t be a failure. He'd made friends with them, a close family bond that rivaled his with Chase, something blossoming in his chest like spring had finally come.

Herman noticed first. How Robert would come to the office smelling like he hadn't showered in days, his hair sticking up at odd angles. How rarely he would smile, and even then it never reached his eyes. How he stopped eating his favorite snacks, avoiding the break room all together, and opting to instead sit at his desk looking at the blank screen in between shifts. The extended weekends he would allow Beef to stay with Chase, coming back to the office looking like death warmed over.

It took a few times of this before Herman spoke up, pulling Robert gently aside and asking him outright.

"Are you alri- are you doing okay?" It was late, most of the other folks had gone home, Chase taking Beef with him wordlessly. Robert arched an eyebrow and tried for a light-hearted smile.

"Yeah, kid. Just a bit tired. Stressful day for everyone." He tried to push past Herman towards the elevators but the taller man stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Something isn't right sir, the team- the rest of the Z-team are too busy to notice, but I can tell." Waterboy paused for a moment. "Chase… I think Chase knows too."

This caused Robert to frown, deep and exhausted. "It's nothing you can help with. I don't need to answer to you. To any of you. Now get out of my way." The pit inside Robert grew, swallowing up any chance for him to admit his need for help, the insidious and scraping need for comfort.

"Let me walk you home, then." Herman relented, stepping aside and following on Robert's heels to the elevator before slinking in beside him. Robert didn’t answer him and pressed the ground floor button. Herman swallowed thickly as they began their decent, adamantly repeating: "I am coming with- I will be walking you home sir."

Robert sighs noncommittally before stepping out of the elevator and heading to the sidewalk outside. Herman followed incessantly, not stopping until they were a few blocks past the office. Robert turned around, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"What could you possibly want?!" His eyes are furious as he stamps his foot childishly. "Why do you give a single fuck what I do when I get off work?"

"You're my friend!" Herman all but shouted, and then quieter, as if he didn't want to say it, "And I'm af- I'm scared you're gonna do something bad."

Robert turned red, anger spilling out of him like ink. "Are you serious Herman? Like what? Stealing? Arson? Murder? You should know me better than that."

The accusation stung, Herman raising his hands in surrender. "No, si- Robert, I know you wouldn't do that. I just… you're self-destructing."

Quiet again, gentle as a breeze. Robert could feel his stomach turning in his gut. To be so seen. To be chased after with such concern. The tears came unbidden, hot and angry, and they surprise him. They surprised Herman too, but the younger man didn't hesitate, closing the distance in a few long strides. Robert turned his face away, but his body was locked in place, his knees wobbling. Without prelude, Herman picked him up, running as fast as he could in the direction of Robert's apartment. He just needed to get Robert home, get him safe, that's all Herman wanted. At first Robert resisted the attention, but the fight drained out of him as he began to sob in earnest, curling himself into the taller man's chest, his tears mixing with Herman's water.

Herman was thankful he knew the way from the party a few months ago, and carried Robert the whole way. When they get there, Waterboy brought him to the elevator and started the journey up to Robert's floor. Finally, he had time to check on the man in his arms. Robert’s breathing was slow and even, his eyes shut and arms limp. Herman sighed in relief, repositioning Robert over his shoulder for a moment to check in his back pockets for keys. Sure enough, they were easily found, and he settled Robert back into his cradled arms, making his way to the apartment.

Getting inside was a little difficult, but he managed to bring Robert to his couch, finding a blanket to put over him. Herman winced when he realized the other man was wet on the side he’d been pressed against Waterboy's body, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. So, Herman made sure the door was closed and locked, and then set to busying himself about the kitchen. He scrounged among the contents of the fridge and cabinets in an effort to find something, anything, to make for his dispatcher. Everything was shockingly empty: a few cans of various vegetables and soups, and in the fridge, half a loaf of bread and a few Kraft singles.

"Okay, grilled cheese and soup it is," He murmured to himself.

Successfully finding some cookware, Herman busied himself with food prep, emptying a chicken noodle soup into a pot while warming up a pan for grilled cheese. He slowly toasted the bread and melted the cheese, making a few sandwiches each. As he was finishing up, he heard rustling from the couch, and he peeked from his spot in the kitchen.

Robert slowly sat up, cheek red from where it’d been resting on the arm of the couch, his eyes bloodshot and squinting.

"What the fuck...? When did I get here?" He looked around, confused. "And what smells so good?"

Herman couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he removed the pan from the burner.

"It's only... It's just grilled cheese and canned soup." He dug through the cabinets, only finding paper plates and tupperware, and dutifully served Robert the meager meal. "I saw some silverwa- plastic forks, but I don't think you have any spoons, so... you'll have to just drink from the bowl."

Robert looked up at him from the couch and wordlessly accepted the food, scooting to one end of the furnishing and balancing the plate on a knee as he brought the plastic container of soup to his lips and began drinking.

Herman had expected more resistance, but decided he wasn't going to ask for trouble. He sat himself beside Robert and looked down at his hands as he fidgeted, waiting for the dispatcher to speak up. Robert ate for a few more moments, holding the tupperware in one hand and dunking the corner of the grilled cheese into the broth. He finished the portion fairly quickly and set the dishes down on the floor next to the couch.

"What are you doing, Waterboy?" Robert was looking at Herman with a piercing gaze, unflinching. Herman glanced around nervously.

"Wh-what? I'm just sitting here. You mean making food -cooking? You needed to eat and-" Robert held up a hand and stopped him.

"No, why are you here at all?" For a moment, he sounded angry that Herman would bother him with his presence, that the younger man was getting on his nerves, and Herman could feel his stomach flipping grotesquely, but he summoned his courage and sharpened himself.

"I didn't want to leave you like that," he answered honestly, before adding, "I couldn't." Robert's eyes widened a bit and then narrowed, growing icy.

"I didn't need this," he spat, then sighed. "Why do you care, actually? I know you said we’re friends... but that’s bullshit. You barely know me. I'm just some shitty asshole that you work with." Robert's anger was bubbling, an amalgamation of wrath, fear, and, begrudgingly, hope. Herman determinedly leaned into Robert's space, backing the older man against the arm of the couch.

"You're not just some ass- you're not a jerk that I work with. I admire you, I think you’re one of the coolest people I know, probably the coolest."

This just pulled an angry groan from the dispatcher. "What, cause I'm Mecha-man? I get it, you got some hero worship thing going on. That's not friendship, kid." Robert went to stand up, but Herman grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back toward the couch.

"NO!" Herman shouted, turning the older man to face him. "Maybe it would've been if we hadn't met the way we did. You are so... good, Robert. You actually care about people and how they feel. Whether they succeed or not, I could tell when you talked to me before my interview. The way you helped me."

Robert's anger subsided a bit as Waterboy's hand pressed into his shoulder, the damp seeping in and soothing him. He could then feel the rest of his emotions under the surface. The fear was the strongest. He felt like he was being seen, cared for in a way he’d never felt before. He wanted to kick and fight and bite his way out of Herman's hold, but his hope stopped him. Whatever he hated himself for, whatever he had been fighting to prove for so long was torn away by the admiration, devotion, and pure love in Herman's steel eyes.

"Herm... I don't deserve..." He couldn't help the tears bubbling up past his armor. Herman smiled softly, pulling Robert into his arms and holding him. He rubbed his back and side with gentle pressure, shushing him and reassuring him. Herman had admired him for so long, when had it turned into love?

The anger was back, but the tears wouldn't stop rolling down his cheeks in fat rivulets. It didn't matter though,they were nothing compared to the wetness that came from hugging Herman, and he had no shame about his tears messing up Herman's clothes, he was still wearing the wetsuit anyway.

"You do deserve it. Robert, we all love you so much. You’ve done so much good. And even if you hadn't been Mecha-man, if you were just some guy who helped me tie my tie, I'd still feel this way. The way you’ve been kind to me? Seeing the best in both me and the rest of the team, fighting for everyone to have another shot… I feel so much..." Herman could feel himself derailing from his point. He didn't want to make it about himself, but he needed to convey to Robert how important he was, even if that meant confessing months before he planned to.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see it earlier. How badly you’ve been struggling. You have no food in here, I don't think you've showered in days, you haven't been taking Beef home with you. How bad is it? How bad has it gotten, sir?" He didn't move from his position, cradling Robert and petting him.

"I don't know if I should answer that Herm.." Robert hiccuped into his chest as he wound his arms around the taller man. "But… yeah, pretty bad."

"It's al- it's okay, I've got you. It's okay. Do you want a bath or a shower?" Herman felt Robert stiffen and start to resist his hold. "Ah ah, pick one little dove."

There was a lengthy pause and then:

"Bath."

Herman nodded and rose from the couch, picking upRobert again as he went, cradling him like he had on the way to the apartment. Robert was still sniffling, curled toward Herman's chest, but Herman could see by looking down at his neck that he was blushing. Or maybe he was flushed from crying. Probably both. The lanky, surprisingly strong, meta-human carried Robert to the bathroom, sitting him on the lid of the toilet as he began filling the tub.

"I've got to get you some Epsom salts and proper hygiene supplies. 5 in 1? Robert…" He teased, and Robert huffed a small laugh through his tears. Herman felt his heart couldn't get any warmer, his desire to care for Robert an insistent pull.

"Something is better than nothing," the stubborn man answered succinctly. Herman tutted his disagreement but said nothing.

"Okay arms up, pup," Herman ordered. Robert obeyed without thinking, too tired from the day's emotional drama to fight anymore. Herman slowly undressed him, huge hands spanning his chest easily, slipping off the damp button-down and tossing it aside before moving to the belt of his slacks. He was beautiful, the scars on his body like ripples like the surface of a pool on a clear summer day. Herman was ashamed when his dick twitched in interest as he worked Robert’s pants off, ignoring it as he slipped the boxers off as well. Robert was squirming and avoiding his eyes, face and neck red from the scrutiny and care.

So, Robert sat, the tub still filling, naked and shivering as Herm looked him up and down for cuts and bruises. None he could see, only cute freckles everywhere. More than he expected, but they were gorgeous. Like stars against his flushed skin, peppered all over. Herman wanted to use his tongue to draw constellations. He pushed those thoughts aside, but his hand twitched despite himself and, miraculously, he could feel his mouth going dry. He diverted his attention to the tub and, taking off his gloves, dipped a hand into the water. A shade warm, but likely necessary for the stiff muscles Robert was carrying. He could consciously feel the other man shivering beside him and willed the tub to fill faster.

"Okay, come on, climb in." Herman offered his other hand to Robert and led him to the bathtub, watching his brutalized back and the gentle slope of his almost not there ass, as he lowered himself into the water. Robert sank into the water with a hiss, still struggling to acknowledge the vulnerability he was sharing.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get a washcloth, don't mo- stay right there for me." Herman straightened and went quickly to the hallway closet next to the bathroom, giving Robert time to adjust. He found the least scratchy washcloth, and returned to the bathroom. Robert had mostly stopped crying, now sitting small, quiet, and still in the tub, looking up at Herman as he came back carrying his prize.

"Herm? I... feel weird." He looked antsy, rubbing his feet together and wringing his hands as the water ebbed and flowed with his movements. The first thing that came to Herman’s mind was a panic attack, but it didn't seem like one. He looked over the smaller man carefully. Robert hadn't hurt himself but he seemed… shrunken almost, like his veneer of strength and anger had been wiped from him entirely.

Curious, but undeterred, Herman crouched down beside the tub, wet the washcloth, and pressed the warm fabric to Robert’s nape, letting the warm water trickle down his back.

"Can you describe it?" He asked gently, rubbing small circles as Robert's head lolled, his eyes drifting closed.

"I don't know..." He began, still hanging onto the slim margin of control he had over himself. Then he kept going, not for Herman's benefit, but for himself, to verbalize the complexities of what was happening inside him. "Like I feel so small, and I'm still angry. Not at you, but at the world, like how there's so much bad stuff and it's so hard all the time."

Herman nodded, grabbing the green bar of soap on the ledge of the tub and working it into the washcloth. Something about the way Robert was talking was different than normal. More open and insecure. He didn't probe, instead letting the man under his hand relax and keep talking as he rubbed the cloth into his neck and back.

"I want to…" Robert paused. "I like you doing this for me. I don't remember ever being washed like this." He thought for a moment. "They probably gave me washcloth baths when I was in my coma..." He trailed off as his tears came back, slowly this time and not as breaking. "I've lost so much of my life... I wish I could go back and start over."

Herman hummed sympathetically, trying to soothe softly. He could feel the despair radiating off Robert, and it filled him with a deep sadness. He wished he could wash away everything, help Robert feel cared for, loved, doted on. He would do his best.

"I'm so sorry Robert, you did so good, you can have whatever kind of life you want now." Herman grabbed the hand closest to him and started washing up at the shoulder. "And, I'm happy- I'm glad I got to meet you.”

Robert turned to look at him, deep brown eyes huge and warm, red creeping into the white around the iris. "Can you stay with me tonight?" It was the first thing Robert had ever asked of him that wasn't work-related, and Herman felt his heart leap into his throat at the thought.

"Yes, any- whatever you need, sir. Robert." The smaller man smiled at him, reaching to grab the cloth from his hands, only for Herman to pull it back quickly. "Except … that, I’m sorry. I want to take care of you. Just let me- leave it to me!"

Robert blushed again but nodded, turning toward Herman shyly. Eager to please, Herman began washing him down, swiping the front of his neck and down to his chest. He washed in a slow, repetitive pattern, lightly grazing the scarred man's nipples. Robert sucked in a breath and turned his face away, while Herman moved on to Robert's belly and thighs.

Herman was washing him as clinically and respectfully as possible, but seeing Robert responding to his touch had him feeling blood rush between his legs. He ignored the ache for as long as possible, but didn’t want to neglect the other man. So he watched Robert's face carefully as he continued, the flush creeping down from Robert's neck to his chest, his breathing getting heavier as Herman let himself ghost over the soft dick between Robert's legs. That made Robert look at him, a quick, helpless look, desperate, wordless.

"Okay, baby, let's go to bed," Herman said quickly, feeling as though a fever had swept in. His suit felt tight around his cock. Returning to the closet, Herman grabbed a towel and helped Robert up, wrapping him up in the process.

"Please… I want..." Robert couldn't verbalize the rampant feelings in his body. Thankfully, Herman picked him up and took him to the bed, not even bothering with fully drying him. Herman's water made that a pointless endeavor anyway.

"Shh, I know, sweet thing, I know." Herman laid Robert down and clambered up to lay beside him, hand traveling from his side and then to his face. "I want to…I'm going to kiss you now."

Robert gave a barely perceptible nod and then Herman leaned forward, closing the distance. He felt Robert relax in his hands, the older man slotting himself closer, his hands rushing up to the zipper at Herman's neck. He fumbled with it for a bit and Herman just let him, grateful for the attention, kissing him in short bursts. He licked at the dispatcher's mouth wetly until he breached his lips, receiving a low moan as Robert's fingers finally found purchase and tugged the zipper down.

Robert broke the kiss to lick down Herman's neck and the expanse of pale skin being revealed, nipping and biting. The younger man had his head tilted back, panting at Robert's ministrations as one of Robert's hands clawed his suit off, the other slipping inside the neoprene to scratch and pet him.

"Easy, puppy, I'm not going any-" Herman broke off with a gasp as Robert’s hand ghosted over, and then forcefully grabbed his hard cock. "Fuck!" He exclaimed, shimmying and kicking off his suit haphazardly, before refocusing on the eager man in front of him.

"I have to make you feel good, let me..." Robert began, and Herman cut him off with a kiss, winding a hand to the back of Robert's head and tugging at his hair, making him tilt back and gasp.

"Enough- that's enough Robert. I told you, I'm not going anywhere, and I want you to stop thinking so much," Herman spoke lowly into his ear, rough, selfish. "Be good for me. Be good by letting go."

Robert nodded and Herman let his head go, the hand on Herman's slick cock becoming gentle and reverent instead of demanding and forceful. Herman groaned and his hips bucked traitorously and he moved down and over Robert, his strong hands rubbing circles into Robert's hips, the smaller man's flaccid member drooling pre pathetically. It didn't bother Herman to see it flop as he adjusted Robert beneath him, the other man was clearly enjoying himself. He was panting and flushed, and his pupils were blown, hair disheveled and damp.

"Daddy... I-" Robert whispered, worshipful and then stopped himself, free hand shooting up to cover his mouth and his other stilling and pulling off of Herman. Herman schooled himself not to raise an eyebrow, instead continuing to rub slow circles.

"It's okay baby, Daddy's here." He couldn't help his cock jumping when Robert first said it. The title itself wasn't really what intrigued him, it was the trust and admiration and vulnerability behind it. He’d never imagined Robert looking at him with such open need, pliant and willing beneath him. It drove him crazy.

"Daddy..." Robert said again, louder and more sure of himself, arms reaching up to the taller man. He rested his palms on Herman's chest, fingers splayed out and warm against him. Herman nodded and let one of his hands drift to the fat of Robert's ass, grabbing and massaging, thumb brushing up against Robert's entrance.

"Do you have anything to help me prep you?" He asked, only to receive a glossy eyed stare and the writhing of hip beneath him, aching for pressure. "Okay, hold on, pet."

Herman leaned away and fished inside the rickety nightstand next to them, finding a small, partially used bottle of lube, a glasses case, and a rather sizable dildo. Still smaller than himself, but it relieved Herman to know this wouldn't be too hard on Robert's body. He uncapped the lube, poured some on Robert's hole and started working a finger in, slowly at first, resuming the small circles on Robert’s hip with his other hand as he worked the older man open.

"Ah… ah-" Robert was arching into him, lowering himself onto Herman's finger wantonly, flush spread to his chest and shoulders. Herman's cock twitched as he watched Robert react to just one finger, and he struggled to keep himself from destroying the older man as brutally as he wanted to. He worked another finger in, and then his ring finger. The tears were back now, Robert's cock leaking everywhere on his hip. Herman swiped a bit of the fluid up with a finger, licking it.

"Okay, relax, love," he said, trying to talk Robert through it as he slid his fingers out and slowly inched his cock in.

"Daddy! Ah, please. Please..." Robert whined, crying senselessly as Herman pushed in, panting with the effort not to rut hard and fast into the welcoming heat.

"Fuck, Robert, baby, you're so tight. Hold on, stop squirming or I'm gonna lose it."

As Herman bottomed out, Robert was tearing at his back, scratching and clawing all over, nearly hyperventilating. "Okay, take a deep breath." Herman said, and when Robert took a shaky breath in, he started thrusting slowly, grinding his cock deep inside. "Good boy."

Robert whimpered and hooked his legs around Herman's waist. The younger man tempered himself with small, slow thrusts, punching out a breath with each one.

"More, please... It's not enough. More Daddy." Robert begged, head craned to nip and bite at Herman's neck.

The desperation and desire broke him and Herman snapped his hips, starting to pounded into him, shaking the bed into the wall and bouncing Robert on his cock. "Yes! Please, ah, thank you, Daddy, ah..."

"Such a, ah, good boy for Daddy. All mine. I'm never letting you le- you go now. You're all mine." Herman chanted as he drilled into him, and he brought one hand to Robert's half hard cock. It fit easily in his hand and he worked the member as he pushed over and over into the older man, the slick pre coating his hand and Robert's hip as it leaked between them.

"Daddy, I'm gonna... please can I... ah-" Robert's head tilted back, exposing his neck, his eyes squeezing shut, his hands grasping onto Herman's biceps.

"Go ahead baby, let me see you fini- let me see you cum." He didn't slow down or let up. Herman kept the brutal pace and, knowing Robert was close, let himself chase his own release. He pumped into him relentlessly, panting and gasping at the pleasure.

"Daddy!" Robert came with a shout, thick white ribbons flowing out of his soft dick, coating Herman's belly and hand with it.

"That's it, good boy," Herman panted and doubled his efforts, feeling the pressure building in the pit of his stomach.

"Fuck I'm gonna fill you up," he babbled stupidly, pistoning inside Robert's abused hole and then, grunting, pushed his dick deep inside Robert and came, cock pulsing and shooting his semen as far as it could go. "Robert... fuck."

Not wanting to overstimulate him, Herman rolled over to the side to catch his breath, panting and reeling with what just happened. Robert curled toward him, putting his head on Herman’s chest, his breathing hard, but calm.

"Hold on, let me clean you up." Herman got up to grab a washcloth but Robert tugged him back down to the bed.

"No, don't leave, Daddy." Herman's heart flipped at the title making its way out of the intense scene they had just shared and couldn't help the soft smile that lit his face up.

"Okay baby, I've got another idea." Herman kept eye contact and lowered himself down the bed to Robert's twitching, overflowing hole and, burying his head between Robert's legs, began cleaning him with his tongue. The mixed taste of himself and Robert made his overstimulated dick twitch, but he ignored it, continuing to clean Robert up. He spread Robert’s cheeks with his hands, moving to lick Robert's spend from his lower belly and legs. Herman swallowed it all down and licked his lips, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. "Okay, we’ll take a shower later."

Herman pulled Robert close, tucking him in and felt him slowly drift off, curled in Herman’s arms.