Chapter Text
Don’t judge me, okay? But I have to admit, it didn’t take much to turn me into a hand-holding fool, ‘cos I latched onto Faith’s the second she offered it. And I didn’t want to let it go.
Lucky for me, we only encountered two vamps that night, and with some nifty teamwork – not to mention footwork – we actually staked them both without breaking our hold. Go Slayers.
Being with Faith – the new, improved Faith who wasn’t all attitude and whatevers – was fast becoming the highlight of my days. I’d shared patrols with Will and Xander of course, but they’ll never know what it feels like to have so much riding on them. Now I had someone who knew exactly what it meant to be the Slayer.
A Slayer, I should say. I never wanted to be the only one, and now I wasn’t, and I was getting happier about that every day. That warm glow I got when she was near? It was getting bright ‘n toasty, especially when our fingers were tangled together.
If you want the truth, on that walk back to school earlier, I could have twisted and broken free anytime. The protesting and squirming was just my brain doing what it thought it oughta. It was another part of me that craved the contact, for reasons I wouldn’t be able to put into words for a while yet.
After school a couple days later, Faith came over to the house and helped empty out the basement. We cleared as much junk as we could, some to the dumpster, some to the attic. The rest we moved to the corners or under the stairs. Giles, with Xander in tow, brought us an old leather punching bag, and we sat back with a soda to watch the menfolk hang it from a beam off to one side. The bag had a few patches but it would do for us – at least, until we got the brand new one Giles said was arriving before too long.
“Now then, foxy ladies,” said Xander, rubbing his hands together. “Time for short shorts and skinny tops. Oil up, let’s see those muscles a-poppin’.”
We huffed at him from the comfort of an old wicker loveseat destined for the trash.
“Whaddaya say, B? Wanna give this sad sack of hormones an eyeful, so he can slink off home and give himself a handful?”
“Eww. I was thinking he’d make a better punch bag.”
Xander laughed nervously. “Hey, I’ve just done manual labor here. If I’m not gettin’ paid, I deserve naughty thoughts.”
“Xander… ” Giles interrupted.
“And so does Giles. No, scratch that, it’s gross. He’s old and British and deserves warm beer and pastries.”
“I was merely about to say our work here is done for now. I’ve uh, I’ve got my hands on some old rubber matting the school was about to dump. Should make this floor more comfortable for training. I’ll drop it off tomorrow.”
“Cool. Thanks for that, Giles,” I said.
“And uh, and since I want you to have the uh, the facilities the library can’t provide, I’ve taken the liberty of ordering a full range of suitable training equipment. First to arrive should be the crash mats, with other items to follow soon after.”
“Damn,” said Faith. “This on the Council’s dime or…?”
“Good Lord no,” he pooh-poohed. “The Council’s purse strings are inordinately tight. I uh, I suspect it would be easier getting a kind word out of Principal Snyder. Don’t worry about that. I uh, I have it covered. And I’m sure Xander will be only too happy to help me set it all up. Won’t you?”
“Oh sure. It’s not like I have an actual life to get in the way. Anyone else sad about that? He marvels at the deafening silence.”
As soon as they’d gone, Faith swung her legs onto my lap and leaned back, gulping down the last of her Fresca.
“I suppose we could start punchin’… but I’m kinda cozy right here,” she grinned. “Or… we could oil up and rassle… ”
I gave her jeans-covered thigh a light squeeze, and grinned back at her. “There’s still a couple things to dump, I need a shower, and Mom’ll be home soon, so don’t get too cozy. You’re staying for dinner though, right?”
“Don’t you need to clear that with your mom first?”
“Already did, but like I said, she loves being the provider. And beats me for the why, but she really likes you.”
“Beats me too. You hate me though, yeah?”
“Oh totally. The hate’s just oozing out.”
We smiled through an easy silence for a minute, then her face got a touch more serious.
“Something I never told you,” she said quietly. “I dreamed about you.”
“Huh?”
“Didn’t know it was you at the time. The night Marge died. I ran and tried to hide myself in the city. Got into a junkyard and curled up in a ball on the back seat of an old Chevy Biscayne. Far as I could from the crane and the crusher, just in case. I was cold and hungry and beat. For once I couldn’t’ve eaten though, I was too busy shakin’ and throwin’ up. And crying.”
I rested a hand on her knee. Crying wasn’t something I’d ever heard Faith admit to before.
“The only sleep I got was a few minutes, just before dawn. That’s when I saw you. Don’t know where we were in the dream, but it was… calm, and bright. This girl with golden hair was just standing there, holding her hand out to me. She said ‘This is where you belong. Find me.’ I reached for that hand… and that’s when I woke up. When I got here, and saw your picture in the yearbook, I knew it was you. The girl in my dream. Weird or what?”
There was suddenly a twitchy feeling between my ears, because something fell into place I hadn’t thought about since it happened.
“I remember,” I said. “It was my dream too.” Faith’s head rose, and she stared at me.
“It was my first night back from LA. I remember saying those words, but I couldn’t see you clearly. You were all in shadow. Didn’t know who you were. I just knew I needed to reach you, but I couldn’t get your hand. When I woke up it felt like, like something was missing. Something important. Then it just faded away. But here you are.”
“Wow. You ever have a dream like that before?”
“Not like that. I’ve had what Giles calls ‘Slayer dreams.’ Well, nightmares. But you’ve had them too.”
“Oh yeah.”
“And I’ve had a few about future stuff. Things that came sorta true, but they were all mystic-y and cryptic. You?”
“Not yet.”
“You’re not missing much. But I’ve never dreamed of a particular Slayer before. I never dreamed about Kendra.”
“Guess I’m special then,” said Faith, her eyes holding mine.
“Yes. I guess you are,” I said, and eased my fingers into hers. “See. You found my hand. Fate needs you here… and so do I. This is where you belong.”
I loved the look on her face. She was starting to accept the truth of it. That maybe this could be home now, a place where people liked her, wanted her there, weren’t trying to screw her over. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to, and it was hard for her to push through it. Trust is always the hardest thing to give, and to earn. But now… now the frowny, scowly, who cares? mask was gone, and even the passive-aggressive sneering was on its last legs.
What a difference it made. I’d called her pretty. I was understating it even then. Now, her real beauty was showing through as the fears and doubts and caginess melted away. They weren’t done melting yet, and I could only try to picture just how much brighter her true face would shine.
As for me, it’s hard to explain what I was feeling without sounding like a nutjob. I was definitely attracted to her, but I don’t mean it like that.
Okay I do, but I didn’t know it then. Or maybe I did and just chose to repress.
I still had the image of myself as Straight Buffy. Well, maybe ninety-eight percent straight. The other two percent? That’s a story for later. But when I was around Faith, that image kept breaking apart and Confused-and-not-so-sure Buffy sometimes stared back at me from the mirror. That Buffy had a habit of sharing Xander’s naughty thoughts, and blushed a lot.
I mean attracted like I was being pulled to her. Having Faith here, in my life, it felt like all the pieces were coming together, to make me whole somehow. By then I’d run into enough prophecies to believe that fate might be a real thing. This felt like fate.
And… I didn’t understand how or why, but being with her made me all kinds of happy. Happy not to be the only chosen, happy to be part of something bigger… happy to be alive. I hoped maybe she felt the same.
That’s how Mom found us when she got home a few minutes later. And if she thought it was strange seeing her daughter sitting in a loveseat, holding hands with a girl whose legs were draped over hers, she didn’t let on.
“Faith! Lovely to see you again,” she said, hustling down the stairs. “Oh my, I never realized there’d be so much space. You girls have been working hard. Dinner’s at six-thirty. Hope you like chicken piccata.”
“Hi Mrs. S,” Faith called. “Love it. If you show me where they are, I’ll run the vacuum and a wet mop over this place while Buffy’s in the shower.”
That was a good call. After all the hefting we’d done the dust was drifting thickly in the sunlight, settling onto every surface. I tried hard not to show how surprised (and impressed) I was that Faith had offered to do housework. She just kept showing me new things about herself, and every time it seemed I liked her that little bit more.
“Oh, thank you dear,” said Mom. “Feel free to have a shower yourself if you want. Whenever you’re here, I want you to feel at home. We love having you around.”
“Uh, cool. And… well, thanks.” I thought I still detected a shadow of doubt in her eyes.
“See?” I said when Mom had gone back upstairs. “We want you here, and we’re not asking for anything in return.”
“You’d be the first.”
“Then that’s what we are. We just want you in our lives, no strings attached.”
I gripped her hand a little tighter, and wrapped my arm around her legs.
“Faith, do you trust me?”
She breathed deep and let it out slowly through her nose. “Never really trusted anyone before. But yeah. I do now.”
“Then trust me when I say you can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no shoe. You need… we both need to let go of the past. As much as we can, anyhow. I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But this – here and now – it’s all new. For me too. Whatever we were before, we’re Us now. Faith and Buffy. Buffy and Faith. With a mom and a Giles and friends and a crazy kinda life we can share. I… we want you for you. Is that okay?”
She nodded. “More than you know.” After a beat she added “Hmm. Faith and Buffy. I like it. I like the sound of Us.”
That last part came with a shivery rub of her thumb across my hand. But her smoky eyes were serious and gleaming.
Oh boy. She was doing that flirty thing that got under my skin and I had to keep brushing away. I was sure it was just her nature. If I kept telling myself that, I could safely ignore the effect she was having on me. An effect I would’ve denied if you’d noticed it.
Unfortunately, that didn’t erase (or explain) the yearning I felt when she wasn’t there.
Like that night, when I had to let her patrol on her own. I’d already agreed for Willow to come over so we could spend most of the evening studying for a history test the next day. Well… she studied, and threw facts at me that went in one ear, hit a fuzzy-felt wall, and just stuck there. History is not my thing. She already knew that, but I made extra sure.
“My head hurts, Will,” I moaned. “It should be against the law.”
“Your head hurting? Or just your head? Either way I don’t think Congress cares much.”
“I mean history. Why care about Then, they should be teaching us Now. I mean… why do I need to know who invented cotton gin? And who the hell drinks that?”
Willow smothered a laugh, slamming her book shut. “Okeydoke, your head’s really not in it tonight. You expecting a late visitor? Like, is a demon gonna come crashing through that window? ‘Cos you’ve been peeking at it every other minute.”
We were sitting cross-legged on my bed, surrounded by books. The curtains were still open, and I realized I’d been staring out into the darkness most of the time Willow had been talking.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you? Out there on patrol. You uh, you really want to be out there with her.”
“What? No. We’ve both patrolled alone lots of times.”
“While she was still in Boston, sure. But since she’s been here, you’ve done it together more often than not. I wouldn’t worry, if anyone can take care of herself, it’s Faith.”
“I know,” I said, looking out the window again. “It’s just… I think she’s had to take care of herself for a really long time. Apart from a few months with her Watcher, no one’s taken care of her. That can weigh you down, Will. And being alone too long can eat you up inside, twist you around.”
“Buff, I don’t think a night or two on her own is going to send her wacky. By that, you should be a total flake by now.”
“You mean I’m not? There’s plenty might disagree.”
“Is that plenty named Cordelia?” she grinned. “Besides, Faith’s not the same anymore. She’s changed a lot already. Even I can see that. She’s a little more like you now… and you’re a little more like her.”
“You think so?”
“Indubitably.”
“You spend way too much time around Giles.”
“In any case, she’s got people who care about her now. Especially you. You’re just what she really needs.”
“Right, now you’re definitely channeling Giles. That’s more or less what he said.”
“Maybe… you’re what she wants, too.”
“Huh?”
She’d mumbled the words, with her tongue playfully poking out the corner of her mouth. It was much later that I figured out what she’d really said.
“Oh, I, I just meant maybe what she wants is a, a good friend. That’s all. Yeah. Uh… the grab-and-run came out of nowhere. Y’know, at school? Good lunch?”
Nice save, Will.
I couldn’t help smiling. “Oh yeah, really good. She knows what tastes good, and she’s fun. And when you get her alone, she loves to talk.”
“Really? But we still don’t know a lot about her. You’re getting somewhere?”
“A smidge at a time. There’s probably stuff we’ll never know, but it’s like, the more I open up to her, the more I get back. Only fair, I’d say. It’s like… she needs to be sure about the person who’s asking, and why. It’s not like she’s reluctant to talk about her past. Well, apart from exactly what happened with her Watcher. That, she avoids. She’s blocked out a lot of it, but I’m sure it’s still eating at her.”
I uncrossed my legs and lay back. “I think some of it hurts her to talk about, and maybe some she regrets. But she won’t be pitied. And some of it she’s bitter about. Last patrol was pretty quiet so we talked a lot, y’know, swapping stories. True stuff. I told her about that time I was in hospital, back in March. You remember? I had the flu real bad.”
“I remember,” she shuddered. “The Kindestod. That kid-killer demon. I know I didn’t see it, but what you told us… brrr!”
“Yeah. That thing put the grue in gruesome. And I told her about how it killed my cousin years ago. Faith’s never seen the inside of a hospital, never even seen a doctor. When she was ten, she got hit by a car. It was a hit-and-run. Her mom saw it all, but she wouldn’t report it. Wouldn’t go near the cops. Faith’s leg was broken. Not bad, but bad enough, and her mom wouldn’t take her to the ER.”
“Wow. No insurance?”
“Nope. And didn’t want anyone nosing in their business. She was stuck in bed for weeks, with her mom doping her up on Advil and whiskey shots, so she wouldn’t howl. Then it was just the Advil. Faith had to strap her own leg, with duct tape and two parts of a broom handle. She got a smack for breaking the broom.”
“Oh God.”
Sitting back up, I gave Willow a mournful look. “At the start she got food left for her once a day, along with a bucket. Some days, her mom was passed-out drunk so there was no food, and the bucket didn’t get emptied. Toward the end, her mom never even checked in on her. This was in summer break, so she only missed school for a couple weeks, but the school never called, and no one visited. No one cared, Will.”
“There’s just not enough ucchh to cover it. Some people don’t deserve kids. Where’s her mom now? Maybe I could whip up a nasty hex for her. Think Faith would like that?”
“Her mom’s dead, I know that much. She never mentions her father. I get the feeling he hit the road early on. She never talks about friends, or other relatives. I know none of our families are what you’d call picture-perfect – ”
“Dysfunction rules in Sunnydale.”
“– but I can’t imagine a life where people just don’t care about you. No one deserves that. Faith sure as heck doesn’t. There’s so much life in her, Will,” I said, my eyes drawn again to the window. “She’s worth caring about.”
I still wonder even now what I would have been like if that had been my life. Would I have been as hard-bitten, as cynical, as distrustful as Faith used to be? When nobody cares about you, it’s all too easy not to give a damn yourself. Then you’re the only one you can rely on, the only one who’s on your side.
Loneliness comes with it, and nothing matters anymore. Everything’s harsh, and the world’s waiting to bite you. Yes, that could have been me. And you get a Slayer like that, well, it’s just asking for trouble. And then, even your Watcher gets ripped from you. No family, no friends, no support, no love. It hurts me to think about it. I can’t change what’s gone before, but there’s no way I’ll ever let Faith go down that empty road again.
But I have to confess… gazing at that dark window wasn’t just me wanting her to be safe. Willow was right, Faith could certainly handle herself. Another night alone wouldn’t hurt, any more than all the other nights.
No, it was the yearning. It was the pull for me to be with her, a desire I couldn’t put a name to. Even sat on the bed with my best friend, it was me who felt alone.
A part of me was out there in the night, and I wanted to be where she was.
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The history test went about as well as you’d expect. Actually, it might have gone a little better than I’d expected. Maybe some of that stuff Will threw at me got past the fuzzy-felt (or was it earwax?) and into my brain after all. God knows I needed it, with the SATs just over a week away. Mom was already pushing me to hunker down with the book-learnin’, and I could feel days of eyeball sweat coming on.
This is starting to sound like I’m just reading out entries in my diary. Apologies for that. But the only days I can think of skipping over are ones when I didn’t see Faith. The rest mean too much to me.
I actually stopped keeping a diary early on in the year. After my birthday, I didn’t have the heart. Angel – Angelus – had ripped that out. And there wasn’t anything good I wanted to remember about LA. But I started again the day Faith arrived.
I hope she never reads those first few entries. Not exactly her biggest fan back then.
After that, she’d see me start to struggle with how I felt about her. I knew pretty soon I wanted to be near her, but it was taking me weeks to figure out why, forever trying to convince myself it couldn’t be real.
Aaaand… I realize I’m skidding off the rails here. Never was much good with the exposition, and there’s always the chance of me rambling. Let’s get back on track.
Something went through me when I got home to find Faith waiting for me on the front porch, like a tremble with a touch of thrill. I know now what that was about of course, but I didn’t then, and I could kick myself for not understanding it. I mean, I never felt anything like that even with Angel. There was something about her that just tugged at me inside. That yearning again. I was already starting to wish I could come home to her every day.
She was lounging on the steps, dressed simply in tight denim-blue jeans and a crisp white button-up shirt. A new look for her, but one I’d always thought sexy (particularly on girls. Odd, that). Cowboy boots, and a Stetson crowning that lush fall of dark hair would have been perfect. I made a mental note that instant to make it happen someday.
“Hey girlfriend,” she said through a smile that gave me another thrill.
We absolutely, definitely, for sure weren’t girlfriends… but I still liked it when she called me that. Weird, huh?
She’d ridden over with Giles, who’d dumped the rubber mats down the side of the house, then headed home. Once they were all laid down in the basement, it started to feel like a real training space. At any rate now the floor was smoother, cleaner, and softer to roll around on. We’d be doing a lot of that. Even better once the crash mats arrived that Giles had promised.
“How about it, B? Wanna christen this place?”
“A workout? Sure. Give me a minute to change.”
When I came back in sweats and a tee, Faith was down to clingy white shorts, and maybe the skinniest white sports bra I’d ever seen. And there were those legs. Hoo momma, she looked good. Everything about her is a little darker than me, and white always sets her off just… yummy.
There’s a word I never thought I’d use about a girl. I didn’t stare, I swear. My gaze just happened to keep swinging back to the same sweet spot – the full expanse of that taut belly. I had to fight off the unexplainable awkward itch in my fingertips by keeping her at a distance, which only worked for a while.
The bag wasn’t the heaviest, so for half an hour we took turns punching while the other braced it, then powered through a whole smorgasbord of calisthenics. But what Faith wanted most was the hand-to-hand.
“Ground rules first!” I said, dodging the fist that whistled past my cheek. “No face punching!”
“Wuss.”
“I show up to school with enough bruises already. No fair getting more with no dead vamps to show for it.”
“Huh. Okay powder puff, below the neck it is. Your ass is mine.”
“And no boots. I’ll lose the sneakers. I don’t want your size eights leaving tread all over me.”
“Oh, so you know I’m gonna wipe the floor with you? Good start.”
“Bring it on, motormouth.” We circled each other, barefoot and eager.
I won’t be telling you every move we made… mostly because I don’t remember. But it would bore you (and me) stupid anyway. What I do remember is the heat. And I don’t mean how warm it was in the basement.
We’d sparred with gloves and pads, we’d done side-by-side workouts, we’d fought together against demons. But this was the first time we’d ever done the full-on body-to-body grappling.
Confused Buffy came out to play a lot over the next hour, and had a hard time dealing with the feels, the unwanted thoughts that erupted in her like hot flushes. So many days, I want to bust that Buffy’s butt for being so dense.
More than anything, that session with Faith was a blast. Being able to cut loose with someone of equal power and strength, and more or less the same skills, it was just so satisfying… and downright fun. Maybe she didn’t have my experience, but she had raw moves that saw me pinned under her a dozen times.
Which, of course, led to even more of those hot flushes. And our movements together were just so smooth and easy. Everything was fresh, exciting, and at the same time as comfortable as pulling on an old sweater.
I remember once telling Will that close combat with Faith felt like we were two voices in the same song. Different pitches fused in harmony, breaking apart to take the lead, then weaving back together and soaring as one. Get me, Buffy in rare lyrical mood. Too many mochas that day. Willow just nodded sagely. I think she wanted to gently pat my head and offer a sympathetic ‘there, there.’
Faith was on the same wavelength as me.
“Man, didn’t know what I was missing!” she breathed, as we lay panting on the mats. “I need more of this!”
“Me too.”
She rolled closer and threw an arm over my waist. “We’re wicked good together, B. Really sim- simpa- what’s that word?”
“Simpatico?”
“Yeah, totally. On song, Marge used to say. Never had anyone I could go wild with before. Not like that.”
“Your Watcher… not one for the action?”
“Too long in the tooth. Spry for an oldie, but mano a mano with me woulda killed her. How about Giles?”
“Oh,” I said, “he could probably handle himself in a regular fight. And he’s gone up against vamps. But when it comes to Slayer training, he’s just a big ol’ padded dummy for me to thrash.”
“Civilians… too frickin’ fragile. But what about… Angel?” I could hear hesitation in her voice. “You uh, you never took a tumble or two with him?”
“Never did. Action like that with Angel… well… I don’t think there’d be a lot of actual training. Kissing and stuff, yes. Nothing productive.”
“Hmm. A workout with making out. Yeah, what a bummer.”
Her grip shifted on my waist, bringing her tightly against my body. I had to stifle a gasp when my sweaty arm found itself pressed up against a hot belly that wasn’t mine, and a thousand tiny hairs stood to attention.
“Kissing and stuff, huh?” she smirked. “Care to share? What kinda stuff?”
“Uh… Faith, look, I, I don’t wanna… ” I tailed off as it hit me I was about to do a Buffy rewind and clam up.
Talking about that sort of thing had never been easy for me. Throw Angel in the mix, and it’s back to my old avoid-y self. But I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. Not with Faith. Even without knowing why, she meant too much to me to risk shutting her out again. A look from her made up my mind, and I swung onto my side to face her. I couldn’t help noticing her hand never left my waistline, and now there was a thumb just under my tee, idly stroking the small of my back. It felt… good.
“Okay,” I said, giving in. “Honestly, not much to tell. Apart from the kissing, it was just the holding, a-and the snuggling. And, I suppose, hands might have wandered a little once or twice. But nowhere… bad.”
“Seriously? Didn’t even give each other a happy once in a while? Don’t know what that boy was thinking.”
“With, with Angel it was always nearly and never. Until that one night we did, and… well, you know the rest. Before that night I just wasn’t ready for… anything else.”
“And… what about now?”
“I, I guess. With the right… person.”
Guy. Why couldn’t I say guy? My brain wanted to. Something else that was beating loudly at that moment stopped me.
“I, I’d have to… be in love though. Or, or at least, in that kinda pre-love state of readiness, you know?”
“Not a clue. I’ve never loved anyone before.” I really should have caught the before in that. “Didn’t know how. But… I’ve done lotsa stuff you don’t want me to spell out. Stuff to make me happy, for a few minutes anyway. And stuff to make the guy happy, so I’d have a roof over my head for another week. And maybe, once or twice, just hoping I’d find someone who’d, y’know, mean something to me. But they never did.”
Faith’s eyes were boring into my soul, and I know now they were trying to say two words her mouth hadn’t. “Until now.”
I wanted her to stay for dinner again, but she begged off. Something about having to go “see somebody about a thing.” It crossed my mind that maybe she’d worked up a different kind of appetite after our knockabout on the mats.
“Oh,” I said, tensing up, heart suddenly – and inexplicably – heavier. “Would this be a guy, with his uh, guy-thing?”
She answered with an easy smile, and I found myself breathing again.
“No, B, no guy-things. Told you, that’s not me anymore. There’s this… friend, I suppose, same sorta age as Giles. Oldish. She runs this shop in town, and she’s doin’ something for me, and that’s all you’re gettin’.”
Just another of Faith’s little secrets then. I couldn’t have explained why I felt relieved. And a week later, when I found out what was going on, I had to swallow a tiny bit of shame that I’d ever – even faintly – doubted her. She had changed, in all sorts of ways. While I was doing my level best to care about her, it turned out she was busy caring about me, too.
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Cordelia’s voice pounded the still night air like a blunt object.
“I don’t know why I keep letting you do this to me, Xander. I used to have self-respect. I mean, it’s not like it gives me a thrill. I could be snugly at home with ER, drooling over George Clooney in scrubs, instead I’m out here doing things with you that my mom can’t ever know about.”
“Cordy!” said Xander. “Your monologues – deep and meaningful though they be – are scaring off the demons.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Not when we’re trying to kill them,” I said.
“Have you tried ignoring them so they’ll go away?”
“Never worked on you,” I added under my breath.
Faith gave me an approving snort for that. As usual she was close by my side, which is where I liked her. Willow, Xander and Cordy ambled along behind us through the cemetery.
“Well I think it’s nice,” Will piped up. “We haven’t been all together like this for weeks. Not out on actual maneuvers with, with the lurking danger-nip in the air. It’s like old times. I-I mean, potential baddies behind every tombstone, what’s not to love?” She sounded less sure with each syllable.
Cordy scoffed. “Besides everything?”
“Deep breaths, Will,” said Xander. “We’re outta practice, yeah, but we’re old hands, and we got weapons aplenty.”
“How come I don’t get one?” Cordelia whined.
“Here, have a cross. Your tongue’s sharper than any stake.”
“So witty. I still don’t understand why you dragged me along. Didn’t I get enough of this stuff last week? Vampires, spiky-head demons, guns, beartraps. My nightmares used to be about bad hair days.”
“I told you babe, you’re here for moral support. And yes, I just now realize how insane that sounds.”
If looks could kill… I’d have had Cordy take point every patrol.
Not that I really wanted her there. I’d asked Will because I was feeling kinda guilty at leaving her out so long, and because I’d mostly wasted her time with the studying the night before. Xander just tagged himself in, and decided he wanted Cordelia there too. Yay. Oz was busy with the Dingoes, practicing for their San Diego gig.
Faith said she was fine with the company, even though I detected a teensy bit of disappointment mixed in there. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than a Slayers-only night, but I’d kept her to myself longer than I should. There’s me telling her to let the others be her friends, and at the same time keeping them apart. Doofus.
Is it my fault that I wanted Faith all to myself more and more? Uh… no need to answer that one.
She heard it the same time I did. A tiny crunch of leaves and the faintest growl from behind us. But Faith was faster, spinning round to give warning.
“Cor! Down and left, now!”
Cordy twisted and dove, avoiding the pair of arms that lunged for her from behind a tree. Those arms were attached to the lumbering body of a vamp still shaking earth from his hair. Xander jumped in with a swing and a miss that earned him a faceplant, but the vampire stumbled just right for Faith’s flying drop kick to crack a few ribs and launch him backward over a gravestone.
Cordelia yelped as his hand grasped her foot. “Paws off the Prada, deadmeat!” she cried, slamming her cross into his face. His shriek and the sizzle of flesh were cut short when Faith’s stake met his heart.
“Those flats really Prada?” asked Faith, helping Cordy up.
“Prada with a stinky vamp-dust lining. Yuck! You really think I’d wear cheap knockoffs?”
“Oh, there’s nothing cheap about you, Cor.”
“Only the rates she charges,” Xander shot, wiping grass off his nose. “But that’s just street talk.”
With a grin, Faith held up a palm for him to high-five. Cordelia’s mouth twisted as she hopped about on one foot, shaking dust out of her shoe.
Things were quiet for the next half hour, by which I mean no more vamps. The bitching carried on behind us.
Willow seemed a little withdrawn, like she was weighed down with heavy thoughts. But she was nervy too, and maybe she wasn’t alone in that.
I happened to be looking back when Xander’s hand just brushed against hers, and they both sprang apart like they’d got a static shock. Bizarro.
For my part, I welcomed every time Faith’s fingers grazed mine, but that hand felt empty without hers in it. Every so often we bumped shoulders, exchanged little smiles and occasionally an eye-roll when Cordy’s voice carried to us.
“Next patrol,” Faith murmured. “Just us two. How it’s supposed to be.”
I gave her a you betcha nod, and tried to tune Cordy out. I failed.
“… yeah, you just wanted front row seats to the Faith and Buffy Show.”
“… what? We’re third, fourth and fifth wheels on this pony cart. I’m pretty sure those two don’t need us. Or anybody.”
“… well if you concentrated on keeping me safe instead of ogling Slayer-butt... ”
I was about to spin round and whip something sharp at Cordelia, maybe Xander too – words or stakes, I hadn’t decided – when Faith tilted her head my way.
“Pay ‘em no mind, B” she said. “Face it, we’ve both got butts worth ogling.”
“Granted. But why does Cordelia have to be a pain in them?”
We were both straining at the leash for more action, but had to go without for quite a while. We’d strayed a long way from the main path by then, and it was only when we were heading back, and maybe fifty yards from the gates, that a scream met our ears.
Running in from the street came a dark-haired girl about our age, skirt torn, trying to hold together the remnants of her shirt. Faith and I moved to intercept, and she fell into our arms frazzled and shaking, with frightened tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Help… help me, please!” she sobbed, barely able to get the words out. “Two guys… after me… attacked… they tried… tried to… please, help me… college guys… faces… weird… and, and… teeth! Please, help me!”
I exchanged a look with Faith. Weird faces and teeth. Got it. The others had caught up to us, so I told them to take care of the girl and get her away. The two guys – let’s call them Beavis and Butt-Head – damn near barreled into us before we’d even reached for our stakes. Rude much? They switched back to their human mugs in a flash, but too late for that.
“Game’s up, boys,” said Faith. “We saw. Time to die again.”
“Outta the way bitch,” Beavis rumbled. “We were just gettin’ to the good part with that little slut.”
“Watch your mouth or you’ll find a fist in it,” I snapped, landing one right on his kisser. “Oops too late.”
“Ow, you’ll pay for that,” said he, spitting out a molar.
“What am I, the Tooth Fairy? How much for this one?” I cracked a second with a spin punch, and he staggered back.
Faith had socked Butt-Head on the jaw, who rode it out, coming back at her with a leg sweep that missed by a mile. Her follow-up back kick sent him into a heap with his pal.
Now we could see the vamps weren’t much more than teens themselves. The Greek letters on UC Santa Cruz jackets told us they were far from home, demon frat boys out for some fun. And from how they’d gone after that girl, tasting blood wasn’t the only fun they had in mind. We don’t often get that, but it happens. Most just want to drink you dry, but these guys were after something extra – and that’s a whole other level of squick.
They were on their feet real sharp, this time ready for battle. They’d obviously figured out we weren’t going to be fast food, but like most of them, they just had to strut.
“Whaddaya think?” said Butt-Head. “Get our rocks off with the leather chick and take the other one back to base? You know Cade likes little blondes.”
“Screw Cade, I say we have ‘em both,” Beavis drawled. “Little Susie here don’t look like she’s been broken in yet. That’s always sweet. How about it, honeybuns, you still cherry?”
“Huh?” I was kinda lost.
“He means you, B,” said Faith. “Face it, you’re Sandy at the start of Grease. Like dick wouldn’t melt in your mouth. Honeybuns.”
She laughed, I snarled, we launched ourselves into the fray.
A few minutes and a mighty good pounding later, Butt-Head was dust, with Faith yelling “That get your rocks off, asswipe?” as she skewered him, adding “It was good for me” when she wiped the stake on her sleeve. Nice to see she was picking up another of my habits. Decent banter, but a touch light on the punning.
Beavis – minus a few more teeth – thought he’d get away from me by leaping to the roof of a tall mausoleum. It took him two tries, I did it in one. Faith knew I had the fight in the bag, so just watched from the ground, arms folded, eyes bright.
One thing I hate more than mouthy vamps is horny, mouthy vamps, so I didn’t hold back on messing him up before I went in for the kill. Trouble was, just as I took out my stake he rushed me, and I almost went over the edge. I grabbed a fistful of his varsity jacket to keep me from falling, but when I rammed the stake home and he crumbled, I fell anyway.
Straight into the outstretched arms of a pleased-with-herself Faith.
“Oof! Hi there!” I squawked.
“Good of you to drop by.”
“Nice catch.”
“Too easy. You’re a lightweight, Little Susie. But least this way, I get my hand on that ass I kicked earlier. Still sore?”
One arm was under my shoulders, the other supported my thighs, and one of those hands was indeed firmly cradling my left cheek. I kinda liked it being there. And even then, when I hadn’t decrypted what it was I was feeling for her, I kinda liked being in Faith’s arms. The word ‘kinda’ is doing some heavy lifting there, but I’ll say no more for now.
“You can put me down now, you know?” I said after a few long moments, hearing the others coming back.
She gave me a look that was half smile, half serious. “Maybe I don’t wanna let you go.”
It was the serious half of that look that I latched onto, and something I didn’t have a word for passed between us. I’d swear my heart did a jump to the left, and then a step to the right. I was still searching for that word when Faith let my feet touch the ground, just as Willow and Xander came running up.
Cordelia hung back a little, eyeing us suspiciously and nodding smugly to herself.
“Bad guys go poof?” Willow asked cheerily.
“Ashes to ashes, Will,” said Faith, whose left arm hung loosely across my shoulders. “Girl okay?”
“Shook up and a few bruises, that’s all. Xander gave her his jacket and put her in a cab.”
“Yeah, I’ll get it back tomorrow. She goes to our school,” said Xander. “Melanie something. I’ve seen her around, poor kid.”
“Told you, B, all men are beasts. Even the dead ones.”
“Hey!” Xander protested. “Speaking for all men… yeah, I can’t do that. Too many creeps out there.”
“And in this town, too many creeps with extra-long canines,” said Willow.
“So can we go home now?” Cordelia griped. “The gal pals win again, and I’ve still got vampire between my toes.”
Faith’s arm stayed where it was till they were out of sight, then her hand found mine. I welcomed it like a kitty snoozling into its mom’s fur, and she walked me home. Before I’d even closed the door behind me I could feel the yearning set in, an ache in the centre of my chest… and maybe a little to the left.
--------------------
It only eased the next day when we all met up in the library to go over our plans for the assault on the fire demon nest. Well, we didn’t actually have a plan as such, it was more like spitballing tactics and choosing weapons.
Willow had been working on a clouding spell, a thick mist to cloak us as long as her special candle was burning. But as Giles pointed out, we were aiming to catch the demons asleep anyway, so a mist wouldn’t be all that helpful. And considering that when Will had tried it in her backyard the candle had melted – along with a Home Depot patio chair – she decided to work on it some more.
After that, Giles took Faith into his office for a while, and I surmised correctly that he was running over training ideas with her. But that wasn’t all.
“He took a good look at my fake ID and driver’s license,” she told me. “He thought they were pretty good, but he’s sure my Watcher made them in a rush. That’s not sitting well with him.”
“It does sound hinky. And she never gave you a clue anything was up?”
“Hints and feelings, nothing concrete.”
“Huh. Think I could persuade Giles to salt away a couple thousand dollars for me? That Homecoming dress made a big hole.”
“You wish. Anyhow, he made photocopies, and took some new headshots. He’s sending them to some guy he knows in Seattle to get California ones made, better ones. I tried to get him to up my age to twenty-one. Told him if he didn’t, I’d just have to keep goin’ to the demon bars and low-life hangouts to get my beer. Don’t know if it worked. You can get a drink at eighteen in Britain, sixteen if an adult buys it for you. Jeez.”
“Explains a lot about the Brits,” I said. “You want to come over for dinner tonight?”
She did, and even better, she came over for more training before that. I’d got wiser to her moves, and I managed to pin her down six times to her four. At the time I’d thought it was my imagination, but she seemed to enjoy me being on top as much as the other way round. I was busy enjoying every minute with her, whatever we were doing.
It was on her fourth throwdown, with my hips locked between her knees, and my hands held fast to the mat, that I saw that look on her face again. I still couldn’t put a name to it, and wasn’t sure I wanted to. The breath caught in my throat for a second, trying to guess what came next. Then the look broke into a smirk.
“Remember Giles said we should rest up tonight, ditch patrol and save our strength for tomorrow?”
“Uh-huh.”
“How about we say screw that and have us some fun?”
I threw her off of me, nailing her legs to the floor with a thigh and clamping an arm across her sharp collarbones.
“I’m in,” I said. “Whatcha got in mind?”
“Weatherly Park. It’s been a while. A good sweep, then we head to the Bronze. It’s never been just me and you. I was saving you a dance at Homecoming, so you owe me one.”
I let her up, and we sat shoulder to shoulder, sweat mingling on our skin.
“I’ve seen you dance. You sure there’ll be room for me, y’know, with all the guys that swarm around you?”
A noise something like pfffth! came out of her. “I’ll beat ‘em back with a pool cue. The guys mean nothing. There’ll always be room for you, Buffy.”
Not for the first time, I wondered why my heart kept doing these little leaps and bounces when she said things like that. I really wish my brain had listened to my heart a lot sooner than it did.
For me, the sun couldn’t go down soon enough.