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Lan Wangji had his suspicions before. Somehow, a part of him knew from the moment he saw Wei Ying on the roof, breaking curfew and at least ten other rules. When he was alone that one time with Wei Ying in the Cold Spring, he could have easily confirmed his fears — but he gave Wei Ying his back, obstinately refusing to look at him.
Now, while Wei Ying sleeps fitfully on the hard, filthy floor of a cave beneath Mount Muxi, Lan Wangji can no longer deny the irrefutable proof of their bond. Facing away from Wei Ying, his robes are open just enough that he can stare down at his left pectoral, which began to itch the moment Wang Lingjiao's brand touched Wei Ying's chest.
There is a fresh scar in the shape of the Wen insignia over Lan Wangji's heart.
Exactly the same as the injury to Wei Ying's chest.
Fuck.
Pulling his robes snugly and tying his belt tighter than usual, Lan Wangji turns back to his sleeping companion, glaring at him as if it is his fault. But Wei Ying must not have made the connection yet. He must not realize that his soul is entwined with Lan Wangji's.
Surely he wouldn't have accused Lan Zhan of liking Mianmian if he had known — unless he was simply being cruel. Wei Ying is constantly flirting with pretty girls—is he disgusted, or would he be disgusted, if he knew that his soulmate is another man? Same-sex soulmates are rare, but not unheard of. But just because Wei Ying's soulmate is a man doesn't mean that Wei Ying is attracted to men.
Which means that the bond between them will most likely go unfulfilled. Maybe in the next lifetime, things will line up differently, and they will be happy together. Lan Wangji grits his teeth, tamping down on all the things he wants for this lifetime. Things that will never be his.
Then again, Wei Ying is not the type who would keep the identity of his soulmate under wraps if he knew. He would have teased Lan Wangji about it years ago if he knew. Lan Wangji can only imagine the stupid things he would say: Lan Zhan, isn't it funny that I'm your soulmate? You hate me so much!
"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying's sleepy voice calls out to Lan Wangji as he stirs awake. "Is something the matter? I mean, other than the…" He gestures around them, to the giant yao beast sleeping nearby. "…everything."
"Nothing is wrong," Lan Wangji lies. His heart speeds up, a little voice in his head chanting, Tell him! Tell him! Tell him!
Lan Wangji bites his tongue. He and Wei Ying will be stuck together until help arrives, and it wouldn't do for Wei Ying to be freaked out by Lan Wangji's confession. He decides that, as soon as they are out, he will tell him.
He doesn't get the chance to tell Wei Ying anything after they make it out of the cave. Wei Ying is still unconscious, a fever raging through him, and he will have to be carried home by the Jiang disciples who have come searching for the two. Just as Lan Wangji predicted, no one from his sect is looking for them.
Without saying a word to anyone, Lan Wangji begins his journey home.
They do not see each other for over three months, and when they do, something is seriously wrong with Wei Ying. Lan Wangji tries to bring Wei Ying back to Gusu with him, and Wei Ying, who most definitely knows by now that they are soulmates, laughs bitterly in his face. Lan Wangji leaves empty-handed, save for his shattered heart.
Lan Wangji holds Wei Ying's hand, directing every ounce of the slow trickle of spiritual energy he has left into Wei Ying's meridians, which, for some reason, are not accepting his offering. Lan Wangji thinks of the long, thick scar on his abdomen, right over where the golden core resides, and has to swallow down a wave of nausea. He will ask questions later, when Wei Ying is well again.
For now, he just keeps speaking more words than he has ever spoken in his life, pouring out all of the feelings he's been suppressing for all the years they have known each other.
"I love you," Lan Wangji says. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"Get lost," Wei Ying says. Again and again.
Lan Wangji doesn't leave. When Wei Ying shoves his hand away, Lan Wangji loosens his robes to show him the scar they share. "Wei Ying, did you know? I was never certain, and I was afraid you avoided mentioning it because you do not wish to be with me. But I cannot go another day without an answer. Do you think you could ever learn to love me, Wei Ying? I am yours, I have always been yours, and I'll—"
"Get lost!" Wei Ying shouts, much louder than before.
Still, Lan Wangji does not leave Wei Ying's side. He swallows down the hurt, the sting of rejection. There are no strings or expectations tied to his love, and if Wei Ying does not love him back.
Well.
Lan Wangji will not love him any less.
Wei Wuxian forgets all about the jade token when Lan Zhan turns around. Because on Lan Zhan's chest…
The blazing sun insignia is a symbol Wei Wuxian knows all too well. He wore an identical brand on his chest during his first lifetime.
Why does Lan Zhan have an identical scar?
They're eating dinner when Wei Wuxian notices it.
There's a tiny scar on his thumb that he is positive was not there yesterday. It looks eerily similar to the scar Wei Wuxian gave himself when he was fourteen years old and goofing off with Suibian.
Another scar appears a few days later. He notices the jagged gash next to his knee while he is bathing. It matches the one he received from the dogs attacking him in Yiling when he was small, and Wei Wuxian knows for a fact that this scar was not on his body before today.
It takes another week for the Wen brand to reappear, and when it does, Wei Wuxian spends a long time tracing its contours. He thinks through the facts and engages in a lot of speculation.
When a person receives a scar, the scar also appears on their soulmate's body. The scars from one's soulmate, Wei Wuxian assumes, do not simply disappear after the soulmate dies. Somewhere in the world, Wei Wuxian's soulmate is still alive — and still wearing the scars Wei Wuxian earned during his first life in addition to their own. Wei Wuxian is in a new body, but the soul-bond is the same, so Wei Wuxian is slowly developing scars that match his soulmate's. Some of which are his from the previous life.
It feels like there is a crucial piece of information missing. It eats at Wei Wuxian for the rest of the night, and he tosses and turns next to Lan Zhan until the sun rises.
Wei Wuxian sags against the door of his room at the inn. His room, a separate room from Lan Zhan's.
He has ruined many things in his first life, but this time Wei Wuxian really fucked up. Royally.
He'd been so fixated on… other things, that he didn't give much thought to the fact that he and Lan Zhan have matching scars on their chests. He also noticed a large scar at the center of Lan Zhan's abdomen, a perfect mirror of the one on Wei Wuxian.
By the time he thought to ask his questions, Lan Zhan had already sobered up, and Lan Zhan was so disgusted by what had transpired that Wei Wuxian didn't dare broach the topic.
So far, all the evidence points to…
Lan Zhan is Wei Wuxian's soulmate.
But one thing will prove it for sure. Wei Wuxian stands with his back to the room's mirror and opens his robes. He is completely unsurprised to see that his back is covered in whip scars.
He sadly redresses, hurt even more now that he knows that Lan Zhan knows. Lan Zhan isn't dumb enough to think the Wen brand could be a coincidence. Lan Zhan has seen Wei Wuxian's back more times than Wei Wuxian himself.
Which means that Lan Zhan knows… and he does not want Wei Wuxian as a soulmate.
"Lan Zhan! Lan Wangji! Hanguang-jun! I… I genuinely wanted to sleep with you earlier!"
The guqin string wound around Wei Wuxian's neck goes slack, and he lunges for Lan Zhan. Clinging to Lan Zhan's waist, Wei Wuxian asks, desperate, "Lan Zhan, did you hear everything I just said?!"
"You… You said…"
"I said, I genuinely wanted to—"
Behind them, Lan Xichen clears his throat.
"How long have you known?" Wei Wuxian asks as he ties his inner robe. "That I'm your soulmate."
"Since Mount Muxi." Lan Zhan holds out Wei Wuxian's outer robe, the grass already dusted off of it. A slightly guilty look crosses his face as Wei Wuxian takes it, and he adds, "I had suspicions before that, but that was when I knew for certain."
"And you weren't gonna tell me?!"
"…"
They've been traveling together just long enough that Wei Wuxian can hear the judgment in Lan Zhan's silence. "Oh… I'm guessing… You did tell me?"
"Mn."
Lan Zhan helps Wei Wuxian onto Little Apple, holding onto his hand even though he doesn't need the boost. They begin walking, with Lan Zhan holding onto the reins.
"I'm…" Wei Wuxian wants to go back in time and shake himself for being so dense. "Lan Zhan, I'm so sorry. When I came back, you must have thought I was being such an asshole. But I'll make it up to you! I'll be the best soulmate you've ever had!"
"You are the only soulmate I will ever have," Lan Zhan patiently points out.
"Yeah! But I'll make it so you never want to have another one."
Lan Zhan freezes in his tracks, stopping Little Apple as well. His face might be neutral, but his eyes are full of fire. "I do not, have not, and will never want anyone else."
He resumes walking, leaving Wei Wuxian speechless. His heart is so full he can hardly stand it.
Is this what the rest of his life will be like?